Edition No. 15
December 2020
The Redcliffe Rave Shane Newcombe Sponsor | Richard Lancaster Editor | Charles Daoud Sponsor
SEASONS GREETINGS Money’s short Times are hard So here’s your bloody Christmas Card
CONTENTS The King’s Back
P2
The Cycle of Life
P3
Monkey Business
P4
Crazy Maisie
P5
Well, I didn’t know that P5 ArtsMatter
P6
T’was the night before Christmas And all through the House Everyone felt shitty Even the Mouse
He came down the chimney Like a Bat out of Hell I knew in a moment The Dickhead had fell
Mum’s on the turps Dad’s smoking grass I’d just settled down To a glass of Wolf Blass
He filled all of our stockings With pretzels and beer And oodles of makeup For my sweet Angel, my dear
When out on the landing I heard such a clatter I sprang from my chair To see what was the matter
He rose up the Chimney And let out a fart That son of a bitch Blew the chimney apart!
Then out on the Lawn I saw an strange pic And I knew in a moment It must be Saint Nick
He swore and he cursed, As he rode out of sight, “A Curse on you all, And have a stonking good night!”
The team at your Redcliffe Rave that’s Janice, Gina, Rachel, Ken[Ozzie Bob] Barry R and Barry T, Brian, Denny, Stevie and Richard
We wish you all a very happy and safe Christmas and a bumper New Year A Vegan Christmas Feast With Christmas fast approaching, people are busy buying stuffed turkeys, chickens or alternatively seeking out bugs, prawns and the like. However, a growing section of the community the vegans, are busy planning very different menus to those more traditional ones. One vegan family already have their Christmas menu planned and it sounds rather splendid. Here it is: Celery and Almond soup with garlic croutons. Cashew- stuffed
Edition 15 - December 2020 - The Redcliffe Rave
Brazil nut roast en croute with red wine sauce, stuffing balls, roast potatoes, parsnips, shallots and assorted vegetables. Rounded off with Christmas pudding with whisky and soya cream or custard, followed by mince pies and rum truffles. All accompanied by a good red vegan organic wine. For those interested there are heaps of vegan recipes at www. veganrecipeclub.org
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FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK
The announcement from our Army Chief, Angus Campbell that from 2009 through to 2013, 25 Australian special services personnel are alleged to have killed and tortured 39 Afghan civilians, during Australia’s continuing war in Afghanistan. Instances of young soldiers being forced to shoot innocent civilians including children as `initiation rites` called `blooding` and weapons being planted on these bodies, giving reasons for the killings, should come as little surprise to Australians who as soldiers, have known war and for a civilian population who over many years, have witnessed atrocities on nightly TV, committed by almost every nation on this planet. The Australian army and we the Australian public will now go through a very public agony of having to judge and punish those of our fighting men, who are found guilty of having committed these atrocities, whose innocent family members could now face vilification for the sins of either their fathers, sons or brothers. So out of all of this, who has won ? Certainly not the Afghan people who have suffered from this seemingly endless war, which first commenced in 2001. Certainly not the Coalition forces, led by the United States, who were committed to ridding Afghanistan of ISIS and then, the Taliban. They didn’t and to-date have lost over 3,500 soldiers. They are now withdrawing what few troops are left from that country. Australia didn’t either, losing 41 soldiers and apart from the pain we are about to go through, Uruzgan Province, which our troops fought so hard to rid of Taliban, is now largely back under Taliban control again. However, the
General Angus Campbell
Taliban have won, but not totally as Afghanistan’s western backed central government still clings to power, however tenuously. Surely the biggest crime here is the war itself and those who persuade nations to engage in this most destructive act! As Ernest Hemingway once said “Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified , is not a crime!”
The King is back!
Elvis Presley
On the Gold Coast shortly, Hollywood actor Tom Hanks is about to star in a biopic on the life of Elvis Presley, who had he been alive today, would have been 86 years old, this coming January 8. Although much is known about his music, little is known about the man himself. For example, Elvis had a twin brother Jesse, who died at birth. Elvis once entered an Elvis look-a-like contest and only came third. His hip wiggling was the result of stage fright. He had a face lift and also suffered from chronic constipation. He is rumoured to have gypsy blood. He had more than 1000 lovers in his lifetime, but refused to have sex with any woman who had
Dr. Denny on Stress Stress is most destructive if you let it be. Here are a few stress busting tips to help you keep the monster at bay.
Understand. Look at the causes for this stress. Ask yourself honestly, exactly what made you feel stressed in the first place.
Context. If there’s a situation that’s stressing you, try to put it into context. Hopefully it’s not a matter of life or death. Consider how bad things really could be.
Learn. This is your chance to learn from difficult situations that will help you avoid having a repeat occurrence.
Investigate. Ask yourself 3 things that you can do right now to reduce the stress that you are feeling. If no answers come, keep going until you find the 3. Page 2
ever given birth[ which caused the breakup of his marriage]. Like King George the Second, Judy Garland and Catherine the Great, he died in a bathroom. His last words were ”OK I won’t”, after his girlfriend asked him not to go to sleep in the bathroom. • Buddy Holly said “Without Elvis, none of us would have ever made it!” • `Love me Tender` was the first record ever to have 1 million advance orders. • He had 24 consecutive top 5 singles on the U S charts.
yourself with supportive friends. Look after yourself by having plenty of sleep, a balanced diet and exercise.
Plan. Plan some `me` time in your day and do whatever makes you relax. Assist. Protect your new found confidence by surrounding Edition 15 - December 2020 - The Redcliffe Rave
CHRISTMAS PAST with OZZIE BOB When I was a little kid growing up in a little country town, Christmas was too bonza for words. Our Christmas tree was the cut branch off a gum tree, standing on the verandah decorated with crepe paper steamers, and corks covered with shiny silver wrappers from Nestles chocolate bars. The roasted chook came from a farmer down the road ‘cos we’d never let Dad raid our chook house for one of ours. We always copped it from Mum for mashing our bowls of Christmas pud - so we wouldn’t swallow the sixpences she stirred into the mix. Her brandy custard always had extra serves of nutmeg separator cream. Yummo. When I told my best mate Dodger that I got misty-eyed when ever I remembered how warm and simple it all was, he said “Bobby mate, wait till you hear this.” One year the kids at Dodger’s school were asked to write an essay about which rulers of the country they’d like to see cast in a Christmas play about Jesus in the Manger. They had no problems with Joseph and Mary. The baby Jesus was a pillow wrapped in a blanket, the animals came from the Animal Nursery at the Ekka, and the frankincense and stuff was on call to be borrowed from David Jones.
Rumour Mill The local rugby league world is abuzz, after a very well known, famous player from deep south was seen entering Dolphin Headquarters to meet with movers and shakers. This player who is now off contract is being pursued by a number of cashedup NRL clubs. Could it be that he will finish his playing career as a Dolphin, before taking up a coaching stint, maybe with the newest NRL side in 2022. The Dolphins along with the Redcliffe RSL are rumoured to be involved in an ambitious plan to build a mono rail from Kippa Ring railway station to Redcliffe. If it happens it will run along Klingner Rd with stops to service Peninsula Fair and you guessed it, the Dolphins League Club, before terminating at the car park opposite the Redcliffe Police Station, which coincidently is near the RSL.
THE CYCLE Of LIFE
I said ‘Okay, Dodge, so which rulers of the land did you pick for the Three Wise Men?” He gave it to me straight: “Mate,” he said, “we drew a blank. We couldn’t come up with one. Think about that Bobby, then laugh your way into a Merry Christmas.”
The EARLOBE! Apart from drilling holes in them and then hanging jewellery from them what purpose has the earlobe got? Its widely held that the earlobe is one of those pieces of the human body whose function has been lost during human evolution. The earlobe contains a rich supply of blood and some believe this blood supply is there to keep the ear warm. Others say that it was a muscle which helped move the ear to improve capturing sound. Edition 15 - December 2020 - The Redcliffe Rave
by The would be King of the Mountain, Baz Richards
I have a few stories which relate to Kangaroos, but if you bear with me, I will eventually get to matters about riding a push bike, which, after all, is what my column is supposed to be about. Anyway funnily enough one of my biggest customers is Kangaroo Courts who are based in Bathurst but also have a storage facility in North Rocks NSW. They surface Tennis and Netball coatings as far south as Canberra and up to Newcastle and did a big job at Singleton, where on Richard Lancaster’s advice Cath and I were privileged to meet with the Sir Barry Gibb’s sister Leslie. What a blast that was as we spent over an hour with her. But I digress, as my first Kangaroo story happened several years ago at 2am, when I was fishing on a full moon and on a big high tide. I had caught quite a few tailor and there might have been a couple of beers in my tackle box, as well. Suddenly I see what in the dim light looks like someone on a skate board. But it turns out to be a big buck kangaroo. He pulls up about 2 metres from me and stares at me. He kept still staring at me, so I decided to break the ice by saying to him “How’s it going mate.” Well that was enough for him, because he bolted into the bush. On another occasion, a few years ago we were riding our bikes to the Redcliffe Jetty because our group had a 5am start. As we cycled down Oxley Ave, there were 2 roo’s running ahead of us down Oxley avenue. After a while they darted off, behind the old Fire Station. Page 3
AN OLDIE, BUT A GOODIE! On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day when they were playing the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to get the farmer to help rescue him. The chicken searched for the farmer only to find that he had taken the tractor to town. Running around, the chicken found the farmer’s BMW. She drove it together with a length of rope down to the bog, where she was able to rescue the horse. Their friendship was cemented and they were the very best of mates. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit and began to sink. She cried out to the horse to save her. The horse thought for a moment, walked over and straddled the mud pit. He told the chicken to grab hold of his `thing`. She did so and he pulled the chicken out of the pit, saving her life. The moral of the story? When you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks!
Monkey Business Visitors to the United States, may visit the Florida Everglades and take a leisurely boat trip on the Silver River into the Ocala National Forest. Many are amazed to see troops of rhesus monkeys playing in the trees along the river bank. Local legend has it that these monkeys are descended from those brought there by the MGM crew, filming the Tarzan movies, starring Johnny Weissmuller, in the late 1930’s. Contrary to this claim, monkeys were seen living in this area at least 3 years before the Tarzan movies were filmed. A local identity, self- styled `Colonel` Toohey had started a business in the early thirties by taking tourists up river in his glass bottomed boat. To add interest to this business , he brought a dozen rhesus monkeys and put them on Devil’s Elbow Island located on the Silver River. Ninety years hence, the original dozen monkeys have multiplied into the hundreds, much to the concern of local authorities.
Stevie Hart’s Christmas Bon Bons What did baby corn say to mummy corn? Where’s Popcorn. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one. How do snowmen get around? They ride icicles. How do monkeys make toast? They stick bread under a gorilla. Which is faster hot or cold? Hot. You can catch a cold. What begins with `e` and ends with `e`, but only has one letter? An envelope. Why did the thief take a bath? So he could make a clean getaway. What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? Cross mouse cards What did guests sing at the snowman’s Christmas party? Freeze a jolly good fellow. Editorials: Send all story ideas and articles to ricails@bigpond.com.au Advertising: For advertising rates, conditions and bookings please contact Steve on havahart1@optusnet.co.au Distribution: Everywhere online. Copyright and Disclaimer: No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher. The content in this publication is for entertainment purposes only. The Redcliffe Rave and its editor, publishers, writers and agents assume no liability or responsibility for any inaccurate, delayed or incomplete information, nor for any actions taken in reliance thereon. The information contained about each individual, event or organisation has been agreed to by the individuals, event organisers or organisations without verification by us. The opinions expressed in each article is the opinion of the author and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Redcliffe Rave or its publishers. Therefore The Redcliffe Rave carries no responsibility for the opinions expressed therein. Indemnity: By advertising or submitting with The Redcliffe Rave, you agree to indemnify all participating contributors and supporting businesses such as graphic designers and printers against any claims.
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Edition 15 - December 2020 - The Redcliffe Rave
Crazy Maisie - She who calls it as it should be!. The Editor thought he’d seen the back of me. Ha!!! No Way. Here’s another bunch of crazies who haven’t got a clue how to manage their affairs. Ruthie J. Margate: I stayed with my spendthrift boyfriend and then he left me, after spending all my money. What should I do, I’m lonely. Answer: Are you on drugs or something? If you want a feller, make sure he’s got some of that spending stuff before you hitch your wagon. Sybil T. Scarborough: How do I stop my daughter stealing from me ? Answer: Don’t leave your money lying around. Put a padlock on your handbag and say if she continues you report her to the cops! Janice McM. Kippa Ring: My boyfriend has no get up and go. Should I leave him? Answer: Of course you should. He’s just a lazy, no good layabout! Boot him out and get a live body.
LOCAL LIMERICK There was a young man from Gatton, Who would go to bed with his hat on, “If I wake up with the hat on my head”, “I’ll know it hasn’t been sat on”
Christmas Dinner by Our Fine Dining Editor Gina Naylor
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? Sunburn sting, ice blocks glistening The beautiful sight, Of barbies alight Strolling through a summer wonderland Pour the Sav in the sunshine Serve the pav up at lunchtime Pop the bubbles for Nan, Pineapples on ham Strolling through a summer wonderland In the arvo we can grab the wickets And plastic cricket bat your brother found Backyard full of all your distant rellies So we pass the can of mozzie spray around Later on, sun is falling And your drunk uncle’s snoring This song, sung by Ronan Keating, has always summed up my favourite time of year. I love the hustle and bustle, the buying the kids gifts and the look of surprise on their little faces and of course the Christmas Dinner. This year, for most of us has been like no other, full of uncertainty, fear of the unknown. Challenges like most of us never in our life time thought we’d never experience. Tis Christmas this year, for me means we
made it, we got through. Mine will be spent quietly this year, I’ll toast the day with a lovely glass of Moet, just after lunch, the way my Nan would have. Your Christmas dinner could be seafood, ham, turkey, smoked chicken perhaps, a BBQ or perhaps you have a formal dinner planned or just a simple quiet dinner for one. However you spend today I’ll leave you with these thoughts. May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas Eve. And one by Dr Suess Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from the store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more! Enjoy this very special day xx
Well I didn’t know that! • Tomato Sauce was once sold as a medicine. • Apollo 11 had only 20 seconds worth of fuel left when it landed back on earth. • Hippos make 80% , of vocalisations under water.
their
• Lethologica is the state of not being able to remember the words you want. • Rodents growing.
teeth
never
Edition 15 - December 2020 - The Redcliffe Rave
• On average, women speak 7000 words per day, whereas men speak just over 2000. • It’s physically impossible to lick your elbow. • Koalas normally never drink water. They get fluids from eucalyptus leaves that they eat. Koala in aboriginal means `no drink`.
stop
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Post Production by Movie Maker Brian Lee Watson
properly, no matter how good your actors and crew were, the editing can either make or break your masterpiece.
You have finished filming your micro budget masterpiece. Done your pick-ups( repairing any scenes that have mistakes). Sound person has done voice over again to eliminate mistakes with the audio. Now you ready to assemble your film in post production. Now the hard work begins, because if it has not been edited
ARTSMATTER
If you don’t have the confidence or the software to complete the post-production ,ask a friend. If you have a budget, pay a competent company or person to complete your film. Purchase two external hard drives (one for back up) and edit on those.
most interesting scenes. Nothing is perfect so when you discover those little mistakes, remember all the angles you shot earlier, will allow you to eliminate any mistakes. Work thru all the scenes until you have completed the film and you have also completed the opening credits, film title and your end credits. Remember a day’s filming will give you about 5 to 10 mins of movie .
Now punch your film down to Now it’s time to‘Pop import your Xmas whatever you i e,12Mp4 th December Up Pottery” shopping day require, on Saturday footage to create a sequence. or Redcliffe similar. Fire Your masterpiece 9 am to 4pm at the Old Station Pottery andisArt finished. Happy filming and happy complex… great Xmas presents affordable prices… Bring your master shot in to start holidays. and then use the different angles you have filmed to create the
SUPPORT LOCAL ARTISTS
‘Pop Up Pottery” Xmas shopping day on Saturday 12th December 9 am to 4pm at the Old Redcliffe Fire Station Pottery and Art complex… great Xmas presents affordable prices…
BUY LOCAL
ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR …Janice Charlish Return of the Mic in 2021...
You don’t need to be an investor or connoisseur to buy and appreciate art. In fact, support local artists and buy a piece of art…. Who knows, one day you might end up with the next Picasso.
In conjunction with the Redcliffe Art Society member’s exhibition, 9am to 4pm AT the old Redcliffe fire Station art complex
In conjunction with the Redcliffe Art Society member’s exhibition, 9am to 4pm AT the old Redcliffe fire Station art complex Visit Red Poppy Gallery on Redcliffe Pde. .MEET Local Redcliffe artist couple…
It's finally time to get out of the house! Young musos are invited to join IN PERSON to share your music, connect with other young musicians and build your skills and confidence at the Young Mic Online Event being held on Saturday, Jan 23 at Caboolture Hub, 11am -1pm. register to perform ASAP www.youngmicqld.com Another local MBSO Xmas show Sunday, 6th December 2:pm Adults: $22.00 Child: $17.00 Family (2Adults + 2kids): $69.00
‘Light & BRIGHT & BLACK & WHITE’ – exhibition …Pop into the Stage Door Gallery’ Redcliffe Entertainment Centre on show until 20th December… local artist’s Danielle Latta, Deb Purcell , Maddy Bull, Jan & Kevin Cunningham, …affordable prices BUY ART FOR XMAS SUPPORT LOCAL ARTISTS…
‘Lois and Cory Piket will be the feature artists on Friday 4th Dec from 5.30pm to 7.30 pm. Come along and view their latest watercolour and acrylic paintings. This will be the first time they are holding an exhibition together and all works will be on sale.’ Refreshments and nibbles provided…
I sound like a broken record – SUPPORT LOCAL- BUY LOCAL 15 Artists 2020 --- check out Our Local artist Lynn Taylor‘s entry ….Winner of the 2020 Redcliffe Art Society ‘Exhibition of Excellence’ congratulation …Lynn
I sound like a broken record – SUPPORT LOCAL- BUY LOCAL Redcliffe Art Gallery - Saturday, 5 December 2020 to Saturday, 27 February 2021 The 15 Artists annual acquisitive prize seeks diverse voices and ideas about culture, spirit, identity and place featuring recent works from invited Australian artists who are competing for the $15,000 prize, and a place in the Moreton Bay Regional Council Art Collection.
Visit Red Poppy Gallery on Redcliffe Pde. .MEET Local Redcliffe artist couple… ‘Lois and Cory Piket will be the feature artists on Friday 4th Dec from 5.30pm to 7.30 pm. Come along and view their latest watercolour and acrylic paintings. This will be the first time they are holding an exhibition together and all works will be on sale.’ Refreshments and nibbles provided…
The 2020 artists are James and Eleanor Avery, Sam Cranstoun, Jennifer Herd, Naomi Hobson, Locust Jones, Jumaadi, Leah King-Smith, Shivanjani Lal, Jenna Lee, Claudia Nicholson, Jason Phu, Izabela Pluta, Sancintya Mohini Simpson, Natasha Walsh, and the winner of the 2020 Redcliffe Art Society Exhibition of Excellence, Lynn Taylor.
Redcliffe Christmas Carols
13 Dec 2020 | 03:00 PM - 08:00 PM Redcliffe …2020. A big year let’s finish it off with Christmas Carols… Warm up the carolling voices, grab the picnic blanket and head down to the annual Redcliffe Christmas Carols. Merry Xmas Janice Charlish president -Moreton Bay Arts Council and Redcliffe Arts Society.... 475 words.
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Edition 15 - December 2020 - The Redcliffe Rave
