Boomers 04-2019

DISCOVER DEKALB COUNTY, GEORGIA

PA G E 6

TRAVEL WITH THE FAMILY

PA G E 1 0

SPRING 2019

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GRATITUDE Study finds notes of thanks are more appreciated than their writers think

Sunday, April 21, 2019

THE RECORD

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Emerging tech for boomers, seniors The Record CONTACT US ADVERTISING advertising@recordnet.com 209-546-8200 WEBSITE www.recordnet.com BOOMERS is created quarterly by GateHouse Media LLC and distributed with various newspapers across the country and by King Features.

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PHOTO COURTESY RENDEVER

SPRING 2019

echnology isn’t just for kids and millennials. Aging baby boomers — the youngest of whom turn 55 this year — are embracing technology to make schedules, manage medicines, keep in touch with loved ones, be entertained and stay safe.

Roughly 75 percent of internet users 65 and older say they go online daily, according to a Pew Research Center study.

“The point is to make that there is so much more connectivity. Millions of apps can help you with everything from checking on mom — because boomers are thinking of more than themselves. They’re thinking of their parents, too — as well as voicefirst technology, virtual reality and AI,” artificial intelligence, said Sally Abrahms, a nationally recognized writer specializing in aging, caregiving,

boomers, housing and aging in place.

“In the next few years we’re going to see a burgeoning of social and senior-care robots, more voicefirst technology (Alexa, Google Assistant, Microsoft Cortana) and more internet-connected smart home technology that’s going to make life easier and better and allow people to live more independently and for longer,” Abrahms said.

Two cool, up-and-coming technologies are ElliQ, an AI-driven social companion robot available

now for preorder ($1,499), and Rendever, a virtual reality platform currently available at assisted-living and senior-care communities, Abrahms said.

Startup Rendever gives users the chance to explore the world virtually, to do things like visiting childhood homes, exotic locales, sports games or a relative’s wedding across the world. The platform also provides cognitive therapy and tracks movement data to aid in early diagnosis of dementia.

A robot-tablet combo, ElliQ acts as a companion that responds to voice commands and answers questions, encourages users to stay active, and offers advice and notifications such as to take medication or drink more water. It has a camera to make video calls, and its tablet can be removed for separate use. Designed to look friendly, the pivoting, light-up device speaks in a robotic voice.

S4 | Sunday, April 21, 2019 | Boomers

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Study finds notes of thanks are more appreciated than their writers think

GRATITUDE

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Study finds notes of thanks are more appreciated than their writers think

By Melissa Erickson More Content Now

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he times may be divisive, but there’s something small and meaningful that anyone can do to make the lives of others better: Showing gratitude is more powerful than you think.

A new study from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business finds that people significantly underestimate the positive impact of a letter of gratitude on a recipient.

“The prosocial gesture of expressing gratitude with a handwritten note boosts the positive emotions and well-being for both the person writing the letter and the recipient,” said Amit Kumar, assistant professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, who was a postdoctoral researcher at Booth at the time of the research.

While the research in academic literature and the media tells people that expressing gratitude is good for them, people still don’t do it, Kumar said. The study looked at the reasons why, “what are the barriers holding people back,” Kumar said.

About the study The study discovered a wide gap between how little senders think their letters of gratitude will affect the recipient and the high level of happiness the recipients feel upon reading the letter.

In a series of four experiments, the researchers asked participants to write a letter to another person who had touched their life in a meaningful way. The researchers asked the letter writers to predict how surprised, happy and awkward the recipients would feel, then they followed up with those recipients to measure how they actually felt.

Participants systematically miscalculated how much people appreciated being thanked.

Expressers significantly underestimated how surprised recipients would be about why expressers were grateful, overestimated how awkward recipients would feel and underestimated how positive recipients would feel, Kumar said.

“People are missing out on what a powerful, positive impact they can have on one another,” Kumar said.

How to do it While writers of these letters may wonder how to adequately express their feelings,

recipients are not judging and are happy with the warmth of the gesture, Kumar said.

“These thoughts of competency may be a barrier to expressing gratitude more often in everyday life,” Kumar said.

If someone has done something nice for you, write a gratitude letter and follow these steps from the Great Good in Action Group at University of California, Berkeley: • Write as though you are addressing the person directly.

• Don’t worry about perfect rammar or spelling.

• Describe in specific terms what this person did, why you are grateful and how his or her behavior affected your life. Be specific.

• Describe what you are doing in your life now and how you often remember his or her efforts.

• Keep it short (under 300 words).

• Try to deliver the letter in person if possible.

When you meet, let the person know you are grateful to them and would like to read a letter.

• Take your time reading the letter, and pay attention to the recipient’s reaction as well as your own. After, be receptive to his or her reaction and discuss your feelings together.

The Record | Sunday, April 21, 2019 | S5

BIGSTOCK

“Marriage burnout is quite common. We either get too consumed with life that we don’t make time for our relationship and let it atrophy, or we consciously or unconsciously avoid it because we don’t feel safe and we don’t have the skills to address our issues, so we distract ourselves with other activities.”

How to recover from

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, licensed clinical professional counselor

MARRIAGE BURNOUT

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or married couples, sooner or later the honeymoon phase ends. While deep love, mutual respect and great friendship can keep a marriage afloat, sometimes burnout sets in. Can a rocky marriage get back on track?

“Marriage burnout is quite common. We either get too consumed with life that we don’t make time for our relationship and let it atrophy, or we consciously or unconsciously avoid it because we don’t feel safe and we don’t have the skills to address our issues, so we distract ourselves with other activities,” said Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a certified Imago relationship therapist, a form of couples counseling and coaching.

If you have little to no interest in spending time with your spouse or try to avoid being with him or her, you may be suffering from marriage burnout, Slatkin said. When both partners are stressed and overloaded with family and work, not to mention the 24/7 pull of connected society, it’s not surprising that some people are driven apart rather than together.

As a relationship ages, it is normal for feelings of romance to change.

“It should be expected. It is unlikely to ever return to the romantic stage but you can definitely re-romanticize your relationship, experiencing romance at a more mature level,” said Slatkin, who founded the Marriage Restoration Project (TheMarriageRestorationProject. com) with his wife Rivka.

The good news is that is if a couple is committed to working on their relationship and they invest time to keep their marriage a priority, they can avoid burnout, Slatkin said.

Positive communication is key Instead of just communicating, make sure you’re communicating positively.

“Sharing daily appreciations is a great way to keep communication positive,” Slatkin said.

Other ways to keep communication healthy is to try and avoid negativity, criticism, blame or shame.

“Learn how to ask for your needs instead of complain about what you are not getting. You can also make the habit of making an appointment to talk about

touchy subjects instead of unexpectedly unloading on your partner,” Slatkin said.

Be together Carving out time to simply be together can help get a marriage back on track.

“It’s extremely important to have quality time together. Whether it is a morning cup of coffee, a weekly date night or a fun excursion, quality connected time is crucial,” Slatkin said.

Shared experiences can help reignite the spark by helping partners bond and bring freshness in the relationship.

“Have fun together. Be adventurous.

Date again,” he said.

Learn to listen “Finally, it’s a good idea to learn how to really listen to your partner. You can do this through mirroring — or repeating back what they say — instead of interjecting, arguing or giving advice. This way your partner will feel truly heard,” Slatkin said.

S6 | Sunday, April 21, 2019 | Boomers

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Discover DeKalb County,

GEORGIA

By CR Rae

Fernbank Museum has one of the largest urban Piedmont forests in the U.S.

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f you are seeking a little “Southern comfort” this spring, DeKalb County, Georgia, offers plenty of it.

Positioned on the eastern side of Atlanta, the county is home to unique restaurants, museums, history and outdoor activities — something fun and interesting for all ages.

Parks and nature Stone Mountain attracts the most visitors in the state. The park offers 3,200 acres of nature, beauty, history and fun things to do.

Three areas with rare and unique ecosystems are nearby: Panola Mountain State Park, Arabia Mountain National Heritage Area and Stone Mountain. The uniqueness of Stone Mountain is the large rock relief (carving) depicting Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis and Stonewall Jackson.

Hotels, cabins, camping, restaurants and activities are all available at the park. Take an electric bike or Segway ride through the park, hike the mountain or take the Summit Skyride to the top and hike down. Kids at heart will enjoy the SkyHike, an adventure course through the treetops. Or, take on the multiple levels of net tunnels and rope bridges overlooking a gushing geyser.

Golf, fishing, picnicking, festivals and events are all a part of the time spent in the park. For more information visit stonemountainpark.com.

Carvings on Stone Mountain

Callanwolde Fine Arts Center PHOTOS BY CR RAE

Food and fun With all the activities of the parks you are going to work up an appetite, and there’s no better place to fill up than Matthews Cafeteria, “the” place

Above, dinosaur skeletons guard the entrance at Fernbank Museum. At left and right, classic Southern comfort food from Matthews Cafeteria is shown.

for Southern comfort food. Its friendly atmosphere with red-and-white-checked tablecloths makes for a true Southern experience. Don’t leave without dessert, an endless list of pies, puddings and cobblers. Breakfast at Matthews promises to get your day started off right with sausage, ham, hash browns, grits, biscuits and more. Matthews is at 2299 Main St. in Tucker, Georgia. For hours and more information visit matthewscafeteria.com.

Coca-Cola is a big part of Atlanta history, and visitors can see where Howard Candler, the oldest son of Asa Griggs Candler — purchaser of the formula for Coca-Cola — lived with his family. Howard was president of the company from 1916 to 1923. Today the property is known as Callanwolde Fine Arts

Center. Tours of the 27,000-square-foot Gothic-Tudor Revival mansion are available by request. For information call 404-8725338 or email info@callanwolde.org.

The area is also home to the Waffle House Museum. The first Waffle House began as a modest diner with just 14 stools. It has grown to 1,700 restaurants in 25 states. The first location in Avondale Estates hosts the museum that takes visitors back to 1955, when the 24-hour restaurant began. Tours are by appointment only on Wednesdays at 11 a.m. or 1 p.m. To schedule a tour call 770326-7086. Visit wafflehouse.com/wafflehouse-museum for more information.

Get to the “bare bones” of the lives of some of the biggest dinosaurs at the Fernbank Museum. The museum boasts a five-story

IMAX theater screen that brings natural history to life. It also has one of the largest urban Piedmont forests in the U.S.: More than 75 acres are open for exploration at the WildWoods and Fernbank Forest with hands-on exhibits, trails and the beauty of nature. For hours, cost and more information visit fernbankmuseum.org.

For more information on DeKalb County and things to do, places to stay and fine eateries visit discoverdekalb.com.

S8 | Sunday, April 21, 2019 | Boomers

Tips to

BIGSTOCK.COM

LOSE WEIGHT

for good

One of the most popular currently is the keto diet.

“A ketogenic is a diet osing weight is one that reduces the intake of thing, but keeping it carbohydrates typically to 20 to off is another. Instead 50 grams per day and replaces of focusing on shortthem with fat,” Redman said. term diets, people should “In a true keto diet, about 90 seek a long-term solution percent of the calories come to our obesity problem. from fat. Technically in today’s “Obesity has reached westernized society, where epidemic proportions not people eat large amounts of only in the United States but carbohydrates and fat and also worldwide. One in every perform limited amounts of three adult men and women physical activity, adopting a has obesity, according to the ketogenic diet is likely OK and latest report from the CDC. will lead to weight loss.”

While current rates have not If you can’t give up bread and increased in recent years, they carbs, another way to achieve have not decreased either,” said ketosis is through intermittent Leanne M. Redman, professor fasting, or reducing the window of clinical sciences at Louisiana of time in which you eat.

State University’s Pennington “Very few studies have been Biomedical Research Center. conducted on time-restricted Most people find some success feeding in humans, but a recent losing weight when trying a report showed promising new regimen that produces an health benefits in men with energy imbalance, Redman said. prediabetes,” Redman said.

“Unfortunately since “Men who ate all calories people tend to go after drastic over six hours with dinner changes, these tend to not before 3 p.m. had improved be sustainable over the longinsulin sensitivity, blood term and the weight slowly pressure and oxidative stress.” creeps back up,” she said.

Future studies are needed for Diets may cut carbs, conclusive evidence, she said. calories or fat, but what Achieving a state of ketosis works for one person may takes several days, and a dieter not work for another. should consult with his or “Fad diets may or may her doctor before starting. not be helpful to promote “Ketosis can have many a healthy weight over the benefits, from perturbing long-term,” Redman said. chronic illnesses to optimizing

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“Obesity has reached epidemic proportions not only in the United States but also worldwide. One in every three adult men and women has obesity, according to the latest report from the CDC. While current rates have not increased in recent years, they have not decreased either.”

performance,” Redman said.

“The best diet is the diet that you can stick to. According to the (USDA) 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans, Americans should ‘choose the diet that is right for them.’

They further advise that the eating plan should be balanced on most days of the week and

avoid added salt and sugar.”

According to Redman, a long-term plan to combat obesity should include: • Setting a realistic and achievable goal. Even in the most rigorous weight loss trials, the goal is 5 to 10 percent weight loss in six months.

Leanne M. Redman, Louisiana State University

• Establishing an eating plan that is healthful and reduces the amount of processed foods, replacing them with fresh vegetables and fruit, lean sources of protein and grains.

• Incorporating physical activity into daily life.

• Monitoring your progress.

Understanding what explains the highs and lows of your journey toward a healthy weight can help troubleshoot over the long-term.

• Establishing a network of friends, family and colleagues to support your efforts.

STOP complaining!

The Record | Sunday, April 21, 2019 | S9 FREEPIK.COM

The advice your friends, family and co-workers want you to know

By Melissa Erickson More Content Now

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he common complaint should be called the chronic complaint: “I’m so tired.” “I hate this weather.” “Stop interrupting!”

“The light is green — go!”

If you’re a chronic complainer, psychologist Robin Kowalski, professor of psychology at Clemson University, can offer some insights and tips to stop.

“Complaining can definitely become a habit,” she said. “One of the interesting things about complaining is that everyone on the planet, albeit to different degrees, complains. By definition, complaining is an expression of dissatisfaction, whether a person subjectively feels dissatisfied or not. But, by expressing dissatisfaction, it certainly can make the complainer — and those who have to listen — more aware of negative things, thereby increasing their negative affect, which increases complaining.”

‘A domino effect’ There can be a bit of one-upmanship when it comes to complaining.

“Following a hurricane, for example, one person may complain about all of the trees down in their yard, followed by another person saying, ‘Yeah, well, at least you have a roof over your head,’” Kowalski said.

Listening to complaints makes others more aware of things that they, too, are

dissatisfied with, which leads to their complaining.

It’s “a domino effect of complaining,” Kowalski said.

Strategies to stop Be aware of your own complaining. ”When I first started doing research in this area, all of a sudden I heard complaining (my own and everyone else’s) everywhere,” Kowalski said. “If you are aware of how much and to whom you complain, then you can work on modifying that behavior, but awareness is key.”

Be a strategic complainer.

“Complain in moderation and carefully select the audience to your complaint,” she said. “People who complain excessively are viewed negatively, which can lead to more complaining.

“Are you complaining just to vent? (That’s) expressive complaining.

If so, then select a person to listen to you who is not tired of hearing you complain and who is willing to just let you vent.”

On the other hand, if you are complaining to bring about specific change, select that person carefully.

“If you complain perpetually to me about your cable company, I’m going to tire quickly of that and tell you to complain to the company itself,” Kowalski said.

Keeping a journal can be helpful. It can be useful to write about things that are really annoying or bugging you.

“Typically, when people document these things, they never seem as big or as important as they did when they were in our heads,” Kowalski said.

Motivational speaker Will Bowen created a 21-day program to eliminate complaining, Kowalski said.

“It’s based on the idea that it takes 21 days to change a habit. He has bracelets that people wear.

When they complain, they have to switch wrists and start their 21 days over again,” Kowalski said.

S10 | Sunday, April 21, 2019 | Boomers

TRAVEL

with the

BIGSTOCK.COM

FAMILY Tips for a mutigenerational adventure

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f traveling with family is fun, traveling with multiple generations can be even better. Multigenerational travel is one of the fastest-growing segments of the travel industry, according to Cox & Kings, an international travel services provider.

Multigenerational travel is booming because families want to spend quality time together but often live spread out across the country, said Lynn O’Rourke Hayes, editor and owner of FamilyTravel.com. Instead of getting together to celebrate milestone events such as birthdays, anniversaries, weddings or retirements, family members of different generations are vacationing together.

“They’re also looking at their available time, such as spring break, as an opportunity to get together,” she said.

“Skip-gen” trips or vacations, composed of grandparents and grandchildren without parents, is a subtrend that’s surging, Hayes said.

To meet the needs of multigenerational travelers, the demand for family-group and custom packages is on the rise, according to Peter Kerkar, CEO of Cox & Kings.

Additionally, the travel industry is tuned in to family needs, including special diets and allergy restrictions, Hayes said.

Family travelers should do their research when choosing a destination, especially if gathering for spring break, Hayes said.

“Most people don’t want a bunch of college kids up all night keeping them awake,” Hayes said. Planning ahead is also key to getting the biggest and best selection of hotels, tours and options, she said.

Flexibility makes a difference when the travel group is made up of grannies and toddlers, teens and adults. Vacation rentals and cruises are two of the top options, Hayes said.

Renting a home allows people of different ages to get what they want, whether that means an afternoon nap or the ability to stay out late. It also facilitates dining needs and can be budgetfriendly, allowing families to snack and eat some

meals at “home” and others out, Hayes said.

“If you’re staying at a residence villa that’s part of a resort you can tap into the amenities such as the pool, child care or kids club,” Hayes said.

Cruises are all-inclusive for the most part, and what many people like is that they know up front how much they will be spending, Hayes said.

“You’re not going to end up paying $7 for a glass of orange juice, and you’ll also know you won’t be paying extra for your teen who eats non-stop,” Hayes said.

Cruises offer everything from serenity to excitement. Find some peace and quiet on the balcony back in the cabin or catch a Broadway musical or big-name entertainer. Day trips range from enjoying a private island to shore excursions to soak up local culture. Onboard innovations can include climbing walls, bumper cars, go-kart race tracks and waterparks.

Many ships also meet family needs with connecting rooms, family suites and rooms with Pullman-style bunk beds.

“There really is something for everyone,” Hayes said.

AND

WIDOWHOOD FINANCES

The Record | Sunday, April 21, 2019 | S11

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he emotional stress of losing a spouse is overwhelming; the financial stress that often accompanies the loss can throw a person into a tailspin.

“We have to look at the big picture,” said Maddy Dychtwald, author and co-founder of Age Wave, a company that focuses on issues facing the country’s aging population.

Right now there are 20 million widows in the country, and that number is increasing by about 1 million to 1.5 million a year, Dychtwald said.

“People are cognizant of the aging of America, but we could also call it the widowing of America. It’s overtaking the country,” she said.

Before being widowed a significant number of women are not aware of their finances. Only 14 percent of respondents to last year’s Merrill Lynch/Age Wave study “Widowhood and Money: Resiliency, Responsibility and Empowerment” said they were making financial decisions for themselves before their partner died.

“The financial burdens and decisions that come with the loss of a partner are immense and immediate,” said Lisa Margeson, head of retirement client experience for Bank of America Merrill Lynch. “Adding to difficult circumstances, less than one-quarter of widows said they were making financial decisions by themselves before

their spouse passed. Now, 86 percent report having to do so alone. Having open discussions with loved ones and planning ahead as a couple can help widows cope with the necessary paperwork, loss of income and financial decision-making.”

The number of survey participants who described being widowed as the absolute most difficult life experience was 78 percent, Dychtwald said.

But, “contrary to stereotypes women find their way through.

Seventy-seven percent discover a courage they didn’t know they had and say they consider themselves more financially savvy than others their age. There is light at the end of the tunnel,” she said.

Sometimes in a relationship the woman takes charge of finances, sometimes it’s the man, Dychtwald said.

Either way, simple, proactive strategies of involvement can help lessen the stress of financial obligations.

“For married women, it is critical to know how to access a spouse’s accounts and have both names on all accounts and deeds,” Margeson said. “Ensure you can locate all financial records and accounts, as well as have a firm understanding of their financial picture.

Additionally, identify financial needs or goals for family members — such as college funding, retirement savings and elder and child care expenses — and have a plan in place to achieve those goals should something happen to a spouse.”

If you’ve experienced a loss, Dychtwald offers these tips:

BIGSTOCK.COM

Create a plan now

• Avoid making any hasty decisions. “Some decisions need to be swift and accurate,” Dychtwald said. Anything that is not time-sensitive, put off until you’re feeling able to manage.

• Find a trusted advisor who can be a shoulder to lean on. That can be

an professional financial advisor, a friend or family member who can help get you up to speed, organize tasks or even handle paperwork.

• Make a step-bystep checklist of tasks and find a strategic way of completing them.

“While no one is ever

ready for the death of a spouse, women can prepare financially for the decisionmaking and reduced income they may someday face,” Margeson said. “Advanced and comprehensive financial planning can help sustain women through this difficult time.”

S12 | Sunday, April 21, 2019 | Boomers

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