Volume 48, Issue 6 (Purim 2017) - The Rampage by The Rampage

The Rampage The Newspaper of the Ramaz Upper School

"All the (at least three-week old, uncontroversial, Kosher, vetted, celebratory of Ramaz, mis-quoted) news that’s fit to print."

New York • Volume 48 • Issue 6 • Purim 2017 • Adar 5777 • the-rampage.org

Ramaz YU Enrollment Surpasses MTA Students from Other Schools Finally Concede Ramaz Is Part of the Yeshiva League

Julia Levi '18

After participating in the Yeshiva University Model United Nations (YUNMUN), Ramaz students always come back to school with increased interest in applying to Yeshiva University for college. When students return from the mid-February conference each year, they come back to Ramaz feeling spiritually uplifted by the long conversations they have had with fellow yeshiva league students and the YU faculty and alumni. It is not only Model UN that makes students strongly want to attend YU, but also the sophomore trip to the Sepharim Sale that occurs every winter. Perhaps this event is where student interest in YU really begins, as it is essentially

the first college visit that Ramaz students experience. This year, more than ever, enrollment to YU has exceeded expectations, and Ramaz could not be more thrilled. In fact, it seems that they have so far exceeded MTA’s student enrollment. The seniors of the Class of 2017 have taken a special interest in YU, and out of the 94 students in the grade, already 28 have enrolled (which is more than the 23 so far at MTA). These students are mostly boys, but some girls as well are planning to go to Stern College for Women. “My interest in YU began last year at YUNMUN, and I visited a few times after that as well and decided to apContinued "YU Enrollment" page 2

Mr. Lupinacci Starts Circle-Drawing Club Natalie Kahn '19

Every Monday afternoon, to escape from the stress of tests and papers, a small number of students congregate in 604 with esteemed math teacher Mr. Michael Lupinacci to mull over their troubles in the cathartic exercise of circle drawing. Students attending are required to bring their own pencils and compasses, but paper is provided. Thirty intense minutes of drawing begin promptly at five o’clock. After drawing follow twenty minutes of peer review and circle workshopping. The last fifteen minutes feature a short lecture on the history and significance of circles. Mr. Lupinacci initiated the club at the start of this year with the help of two of his favorite former geometers Esti Beck ’19 and Naomi Levy ’19, who felt that circle drawing would enable them to utilize their artistic talents as well as reduce stress. “There is something so calming about moving your hand around the page to form something so perfect and round. However, circle drawing can be very difficult, so it requires a great deal of focus and practice, which is why the club is so beneficial for students,” says Levy. Mr. Lupinacci was, of course, immediately on board as faculty advisor. “There’s a lot you can tell about a person from how he or

she draws a circle, not only about artistic skills but also personality,” he says. “Besides, this is a very useful skill to have. Circles are geometric figures, and geometry is everywhere.” On a more philosophical level, Mr. Lupinacci remarks on his reasoning for backing the club, “It is great for kids’ esteem to be complimented on their circle drawing skills. I’ve never seen a bigger smile on someone’s face than after I tell them, ‘That’s a damn good circle.’” Although the membership began small, the club is proud to announce its growing appeal, particularly to students in the sophomore grade. Room 603 is in fact becoming a bit too small to hold all the new attendees, so the club is planning on opening the wall separating 603 and 604 in the spring. “We plan to also take students outside to Central Park when the weather turns warmer. It’s nice to go outside after a long school day to just admire nature for an hour to relax and chill, get a nice break from schoolwork,” says Harry Shams ’19, a staunch contributor fighting for a prestigious leadership position in the club next year. “The logic is simple,” says Beck, another talented circle drawer, “The better circles we draw, the better people we become.”

Mr. Lupinacci's mathematical formulas for drawing the best circle possible: Needs Work.

Ehhh. Good!

Mixed dancing.

G.O. Corner

The G.O Actually Does Something. Jonah Sobel '17

For the first time in Ramaz’s 80-year history, the GO has actually done something. What was supposed to be an average, chocolate-milk-onthe-floor, donuts-with-unknown-filling, sweaty-rabbi-handholding, Adar Chagiga turned out to be a totally different, Tofutti-cutie-on-the-floor, unidentifiable-striped-candy, and rabbis-awkwardly-standing-in-the-corner Adar Chagiga. GO President #nan$lay said in an official statement, “yea things r def happenin and it’s gonna be mad lit.” Most students seemed to like the event, as there was a record-high 25% student participation, and according to Ms. Hordish, only 38 students had conflicting doctor appointments. But many weren’t so amused with this turn of events. After photos surfaced of girls and boys dancing within 200 yards of each other, Rabbi Stochel called for an investigation into the event. There has also been backlash from students, such as 2016 presidential-candidate and current SFAC Supreme Leader Gabriel Klapholz ’17, who remarked, “Even though some underclassmen say that they saw me whipping and Nae-naeing, I refute these preposterous and unfounded allegations. And on a side note, they didn’t even have prune-flavored hamantashen. Without a doubt, the least enjoyable chagiga I have attended.” GO Treasurer Dunkin Jonahts has been doing his job as expected, maintaining the GO’s status as a non-achieving puppet-government by living up to exactly none of his campaign promises and selling approximately three bagels to date (two cream cheese and a butter), with similarly mediocre performances by backup president Shelli Cohen and extra members Richie Hafif and that blonde one. Needless to say, all were greatly surprised that something happened, and the fact that it was a successful event only makes it all the more shocking.

Inside this issue...

Dr. Sclar and Ms. Barak Go to AIPAC... Rabbi Weiser couldn't make it. Upper East Side Heirs and Heiresses Horrified that Shabbaton Hotel Has Only Two Bars of WIFI... Senior Graduation Accidentally Scheduled on Tisha B'Av... The Dinner Dance fiasco all over again. Human Rights Club Calls Out "Whiteout" for Offensive Terminology... Feud ensues over PC culture. Crossword... Seriously, no joke. Enjoy!

page 103 page 9 page 27 page 2,604 page 8

The Rampage

Purim 2017

YU Enrollment

continued from cover

ply. It was this year’s YUNMUN specifically though, that made me realize I had to confirm my decision to attend,” said Jasmine Levine ’17. After Levine made her decision, many other seniors decided to enroll. “I really just had a realization that I’ve been in the yeshiva league practically my entire life, and I just don’t want to leave it any time soon,” said Benny Witlin ’17, also a Model UN member. After hearing about the conference from her friends, Moselle Kleiner ’17 was inspired by everything they said about the university. “I definitely want to attend Stern College - why would I ever want to stop wearing skirts to school?” said Kleiner. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize this before - and it’s in the city! What could be more convenient?!” Ramaz juniors, who have just began the college process, are also looking at YU as a legitimate option, and many are expected to enroll. “I just love my yeshiva league friends, so Stern is definitely at the top of my list,” said Abigail Huebner ’18. “I can’t wait to visit in just a few weeks!” she said. Many Juniors, just like Huebner, plan on visiting YU on March 27th, when they have a day off for college visits. Some sophomores

are planning on visiting YU sometime soon as well, even though it is slightly early for them to be thinking about college. It seems that they are just too eager to apply. “After the sepharim sale, I couldn’t get my mind off my future home,” said Natalie Kahn ’19. “Stern seems like a perfect fit for me spiritually, emotionally, and educationally”. Teachers are also encouraging students at Ramaz to seriously consider YU. “It’s a great place and I wish I had gone there. I strongly recommend my sophomores and juniors to look into it,” said Dr. Gaylord. Students seem to be taking his advice. “Dr. Gaylord isn’t even my teacher, but I feel connected to YU somehow,” said Netanel Kamel ’18. It seems that a new era in the college process has begun at Ramaz, and students and teachers alike are embracing it. We can’t wait for our seniors to be part of the YU Class of 2021*! *In fact, YU-bound Ramaz students will be members of a variety of classes, ranging from 2022-2026, as their gap year/s (including Shanah Aleph, Bet, Gimmel, Daled, or Hey) may force them to push off undergraduate studies.

At Shabbaton, Administration Teaches Seniors How to "Rough It"

Elianna Schwartz '17

The Ramaz seniors were experiencing mixed feelings about their last shabbaton ever; they were excited, but nostalgic and emotional, about finishing their Ramaz shabbaton career. As the buses drove away from 78th street, they began reminiscing about their previous shabbatons and were extremely eager to arrive at their destination - their final Shabbat weekend together. They knew this was going to be the best one yet. Little did they know, the administration had something else in store for them… The administration decided that it was time for the Ramaz seniors to learn how to rough it. “How can we let them graduate and go off into the real world before they know how to deal with real life situations and all the curveballs life throws? At Ramaz, they have been pampered. That is not real life,” said Rabbi Stochel. Well, as soon as

they pulled into the driveway of their weekend getaway, the panic set in. The seniors could not believe their eyes. They were peering through the windows of their air-conditioned coach bus, sipping the last sips of their Starbucks and Serafina iced coffees, looking with teary eyes at an abandoned New Jersey state penitentiary. The next 24 hours were spent in jail cells with blood-stained mattresses, bed bugs crawling, strands of hair from previous inmates, and mice and roaches running around. Each student got a small ration of cholent and potato kugel to tie them over. They were so alarmed by their surroundings they could barely participate in the shabbas tisch! “In these conditions, it’s hard to find the inner-ruach. Everyone’s too stunned to sing…,” said Nancy Toussie ’18. Rabbi Dov defended the students and

said, “I wanted to take them to a beautiful hotel on the beach and give them a real vacation; a day at the spa, delicious food, a nice Shabbat… but the administration had other plans. I’m sorry guys - I tried! The administration beat me on this one.” Rabbi Grossman had the final say. “We had to teach the upcoming graduating seniors how to cope without all of the luxuries of Madison Avenue. These are important life lessons, and Ramaz is known for producing down-to-earth students with the best of values. We had to make sure we stay true to these values and give our students survival skills before sending them off into the world,” he explained.

Images from the seniors' shabbaton hotel

Gabrielle Amar '17

Ramaz Becomes 110% Eco-Friendly

The month of February was a big one when it came to environmentalism at Ramaz. New initiatives to ameliorate the school’s standing as environmentally friendly were taken on with determination and (almost) school-wide cooperation. Never before has the lunchroom been so clean and so “appropriately wasteful.” For the first time in the history of Ramaz, students were able to accomplish recycling a full (blue) bag of plastic plates, cups, and lost-caps-of-Jaffe’s-fruit-scentedmarkers without a trace of any lingering sauce or smell.

Ramaz didn’t used to be like this. There were tragic accidents that occurred on a daily basis. Students would dump their oily kale remnants into a blue bin or their used tissues into a green bin. “It was horrific,” said Ms. Benel. However, Ramaz has picked itself up. Rabbi Grossman and Rabbi Stochel are the ones behind it all. Dressed daily in what they dub their “green-police suits” - produced in the most energy-efficient fashion and completely biodegradable - they claim that they are “ready to abide by NYC law and very excited to recycle properly.”

This month has been difficult, of course, a sure struggle. Most students needed an incentive before they could actually begin to be more environmentally-aware. “Climate change is a myth - 60% of the school agreed on that one back in November,” said Jacob Aufzien ’17, “but if I’m getting Trump swag every time I recycle, I’ll do it.” Ramaz is getting greener and greener every day. The GO is planning a school-wide shabbaton on April 22nd (EARTH DAY) in Washington D.C. Everyone’s been waiting to take the shabbos climate walk.

Purim 2017

The Rampage

Ms. Benel's Most Loyal Seniors Purchase Sleeping Bags for SAC

Gabriel Klapholz '17

It has finally happened. This year’s Service Squad minions, also called “Benel-ers,” Elisheva Gold ’17 and Megan Herskowitz ’17, found themselves frequenting the SAC so many times that they finally decided to buy sleeping bags. Stored under the stairwell, where the demon of the shechted Ramaz Ram lies, these beautiful state-of-the-art sleeping bags come with high quality flash lights for late-night slumber parties at the far reaches of Ms. Benel’s enormous office. Rabbi Pianko said, “As long as they don’t steal any GO apparel, I’m fine with them sleeping in the SAC.” “I guess it just makes Ms. Benel’s office more accessible,” he added. “Our next project is installing a kitchenette where the broken computers are,” said Gold. Gold’s and Herskowitz’s parents refused to comment on these new developments, although Gold’s older brother – Akiva ’16 – stated, “I can’t believe I didn’t think about that back in my Yachad-Shabbaton-plan-

ning Masbia-vegetable-cutting Day-of-Service-organizing years.” The recent Ramaz graduate added, “My longest stretch in the SAC still holds the record – 74 hours.” “And I thought I was heading down there for five minutes,” he added. Apparently, the number of hours spent in the SAC with Ms. Benel is somewhat of a competition amongst the most giving, generous, and kind-hearted Ramaz students. “My brother claims he holds the record, but really, I spent 83 hours in the SAC straight,” said Elisheva. “Akiva claims otherwise because I took a ten-minute break to hang up flyers about sophomore chesed hours options,” she said. The true victor remains unclear, but never before has a Ramaz student thought it more convenient to sleep at school than head home and return brighteyed and bushy-tailed in the morning. M’chayil l’chayil Elisheva and Megan!

Head of School Goes on Tweeting Rampage

Harry Shams '19

This week, Ramaz’s Head of School, Rabbi Eric Grossman, received extensive media coverage when he went on another one of his infamous tweeting sprees. The Head of School has been known to tweet his mind from time to time, often stimulating controversy with each tweet. The following tweets were taken from Rabbi Grossman’s personal account:

Hairspray Success Spurs Theatrical Revival Exuberant over the acclaim received by the recent senior production of Hairspray, the drama department has decided to go forward with plays that cast all white Jewish actors in the roles meant for African-American actors. “We decided that since no one objected to what was blatantly

inappropriate that we would continue forward,” said an unnamed member of the theater troupe. The new productions scheduled for this year are: Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, Fences, Hamilton, and another attempt at The Wiz.

News Alert: Rabbi Bodner is a Spy Rabbi Bodner, who claims that he “teaches” at Ramaz is in fact a spy sent by competing schools to uncover the secrets of what makes Ramaz such a happy environment of learning and religious observance. His mission is at the behest of all the competing Jewish-day schools that have had such trouble competing with Ramaz. Ms. Gadish became suspicious of Bodner

when she noticed that he never left the teacher’s lounge, and was seen wearing outfits no regular teacher could afford. “And those hats,” said Gadish, “Only a slivering spy, or Deutsch, would wear those hats." Despite the revelation, Bodner will continue to “work” in the teacher’s lounge. “We’d hate to lose one of our board gamers,” said Dr. Gaylord.

History Department Re-writes Curriculum to Include Alternative Facts

“The world has changed,” said Dr. Jucovy, from his special office on the 6th floor, on one of the rare days he was present in the school. “And we, in the History department, will not be stuck in the past. Alternative facts are the new normal. So, when a student says, 'Well I heard that the world is flat,' we have

to honor that. If a teacher feels that the moon landing was really a farce played out on a sound-stage, well that could be true, too.” When asked if this new policy might undermine faith in historical truth, Dr. Jucovy said, “That’s possible,” which coincidently is the new motto of the History department.

Cell Phones Banned Next Year

We may never know what the plan is for the Upper School going forward, but the administration (whoever that is) has announced a no phone policy for next year. Called "I-Phone = Go Home," the new prohibition is sure to be a winner with the students who have long hoped for a break

from the mind-numbing addiction to their cell-phones. Nurse Nechama will be prepared with helpful methods for weaning students and for dealing with withdrawal. “We will have old non-working phones for some students to hold. That should comfort them until the DT’s pass,” said the Nurse.

The Rampage

Purim 2017

OVER UNDER OVERrated:

UNDERrated:

OVERpriced:

UNDERpriced:

Senior Lounge Senior Privileges Senior Year Community (Capital C) SAR The nurse has crackers Shabbatons Credit card usage at vending machines Starbucks Prom dresses Juice Press Ramaz tuition

The vending machine on C The bathrooms on C The SAC is a closet The printer in the SAC has color Mr. Henkin's Office The nurse has tea Party Mix Nothing else.

OVERtrafficked:

UNDERtrafficked:

The lunch line C Stairwell The college office Ramaz Choir Food tables after a chaggigah/assembly

Lunch and Learn Asian Culture Club The Israel office The computer lab Senior Davening

Exclusive Interview With Soon-to-be Administrator Dr. Milowitz

Harry Shams '19

With the position of principle vacant for the last few months, many have asked themselves, "Who will take on the role of leading Ramaz into the future?" That question has now been answered. Yes, the rumors are true. The Milo-Lupp-Gaylord triumvirate has already begun its coup d'etat and its quest to achieve total domination over the school. The Rampage took the time to ask the leader of the three Generalissimo Millowitz - what he and his minions plan to do once they complete consolidating power. Thank you for taking the time to speak with us Dr. Millowitz. I'd like to begin by asking what you view as the most central issue in Ramaz that needs immediate fixing? By far the biggest problem with Ramaz today is the ease with which certain teachers treat their classes. Some teachers, and I won't name any names, refuse to give their students continuous assignments and instill them with a rigid work ethic. These teachers continue to play their games;

they "talk" to the students, as if their lives actually matter. Once I'm in control, every ounce of the Ramaz student handbook will be enforced.

schedules of my students with tests and quizzes. That way, they could actually learn the material. Better that than having an actual discussion.

What do you plan to do about the student bodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s demand for a more relaxed dress code? Part of being in Ramaz is understanding that when it comes to success, you can just wish your dreams goodbye if you're not wearing a tie or a sweater. If you want to do well, no one will take you seriously if your shirt isn't tucked in. Just look at Steve Jobs - he always wore a tie and tucked in his shirt like a good boy, and he achieved enormous success. As a teacher at Ramaz, I always tried with the utmost effort to enforce our dress code laws, and I plan on continuing to do so.

Will you institute a rule so that teachers are required to grade assignments by a designated deadline? Personally, I find it shameful that certain teachers don't grade their assignments immediately. I've seen teachers who get an assignment in September and don't grade it until January. I mean seriously, who does that? What do you have to do that's so much more important than grading a paper? Playing golf? It's disgraceful.

What is your opinion on Ramaz's policy of overloading their student with midterms and finals? I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that I am a strong believer in testing as a means of learning. At my time at Ramaz, I always crammed the

If you had a few words to sum up your plans for Ramaz, what would they be? MAKE RAMAZ GREAT AGAIN (Merchandise available at www.KingMillo.com)

New and Improved Intersession

The Rampage Ramaz Upper School

New York • Volume 48 • Issue 6 • Purim 2017 • the-rampage.org

Print Editors-in-Chief:

Gabriel Klapholz* Elianna Schwartz*

Online Editors-in-Chief:

Jasmine Levine* Gabrielle Amar* Layout Editor

Moselle Kleiner*

Managing Editor:

Nicole Aboodi*

Associate Editor:

Tyler Mandelbaum* News Editor:

Oriya Romano* A&E Editor:

Caroline Jaspan* Sports Editor:

Jacob Hocheiser*

Faculty Advisor:

Dr. Milowitz Contributing Writers: David Grinberg Hadley Kauver Julia Levi Josephine Schizer Netanel Kamel Naomi Freilich Rebecca Araten Suzi Dweck Paola Mattout Becky Tauber Emily Stemp Basia Fellner-Dublin Abigail Huebner Alexandra Orbuch Hannah Doft Yonatan Weitzner Natalie Kahn Esther Beck Zachary Buller Sophia Kremer Harry Shams The Rampage is the student newspaper of the Ramaz Upper School. It is published on a monthly basis. Letters to the editor may be submitted to rampage@ ramaz.org. Letters must be signed and may be edited for space and to conform to The Rampage's style and format. The opinions expressed in The Rampage are of the author’s alone, and do not represent the views or opinions of Ramaz, The Rampage, or its Editors.

Denotes member of The Rampage Editorial Board. *

Abigail Huebner '18

The administration felt one weekand was just too short....

In this new era of the Ramaz Renaissance, the administration has been incredibly receptive to student feedback and has been trying its absolute hardest to implement changes to benefit the student body. Students were therefore thrilled, but not surprised, when they heard about a major change in the calendar for next year. In response to students’ complaints of intersession being too short and the seniors therefore not having enough time in Puerto Rico, the school decided to grant a weeklong intersession, taking place the week before Presidents’ Weekend. “It’s the Ramaz Renaissance,” explained Rabbi Grossman. “I was thrilled when I heard that this change was put into place,” Mr. Miller reported from Frisch, “I’ve been working to create intersession and a school-sponsored Puerto Rico trip in Frisch, too. The grade bonding that occurs on this trip is so nice, and it is something that every other Yeshiva should strive to emulate. Ramaz is really a role model in this respect.” The Spanish teachers, too, are excited about this longer trip - “My students will now have a whole week to hear Spanish being spoken all around them and improve their language skills even more than in class, although we learn

a lot in class, too,” said Señora Gomez. “We hope that with this much longer break, it will be more feasible for the entire student body, not just the seniors, to partake in trips like the annual Puerto Rico trip,” said Rabbi Stochel. “We understand how important the Puerto Rico trip is for creating deep relationships between students, and we really want to encourage this type of bonding and these kinds of experiences among our students.” The school, working with the parents, is trying to set up a scholarship fund for students who would otherwise be unable to go to Puerto Rico. “This is a noble cause, and one that the Tzedakah Committee would definitely help with,” said Ms. Benel. “Maybe we could collect money on a Friday to send students to Puerto Rico, or sell Puerto Rico souvenirs in the lobby to raise money.” When asked about the decision to make the vacation start at the end of school on Friday and end two Tuesdays later, the administration explained that this way, students will be able to leave for Puerto Rico right after school Friday and remain there for almost 10 days. As everyone knows, there are many provisions that people need to stock up on for Puerto Rico,

so these extra days give the students more time to shop for everything they need to have an enjoyable trip. Additionally, they will have two Shabbatot in Puerto Rico, and many students have reported that Shabbat in Puerto Rico was a particularly inspiring and spiritually uplifting time. “In Puerto Rico, 18 year olds are allowed to buy wine for Friday-night Kiddush, just one example of how Shabbat can be celebrated in a more Torah and Mitzvot-oriented way,” said Josh Greenblatt ’18. Most teachers have said that they will be fully supportive and understanding if students need to miss school on Friday to make it to Puerto Rico before Shabbat. “Of course, being in Puerto Rico and also not violating Shabbat are far more important than being in my class,” Dr. Gaylord explained. A few of the stricter teachers, however, are not as open to this idea. “I would probably fail anyone who misses my class to go to Puerto Rico,” said Dr. Milowitz. “Students should understand, especially by senior year, how much material I cover in each class and how crucial it is to be there,” he said.

Lollipop Shortage: Students Break into Hysteria

Sophia Kremer '20 Over the past few months, students enjoyed the never-ending supply of lollipops coming from Rabbi Slomnicki’s office. The fad grew so popular that the entire sixth floor office started distributing them. Ms. Hordish kept a secret supply of her own that was only accessible to students that had a perfect attendance record. Students would rush to the sixth floor office in between every period with red, green, or blue tongues

and teeth to attain a new flavor. There were some seniors, however, who were barred from receiving any lollipops. With their names highlighted on a list in the sixth floor office, these poor upperclassmen remained unable to attain a sweet treat during their long and strenuous school days. “We ask that these seniors show a certain level of respect before we return that respect in the form of lollipops,” said Rabbi Sklarin, the grade co-

Dr. Stone's Pre-Retirement Bucket List

Naomi Freilich '18

As the 2015-2016 school year came to a close, Dr. Stone decided that it was time for him to retire. However, he loved the school so much that he stayed for another school year! The 2016-2017 school year gave Dr. Stone the chance to complete his Ramaz “bucket” list. Dr. Stone offered a comprehensive list of what he would like to accomplish before the school year ends. Here is what he came up with: 1. Take the whole school on a hiking trip in the Catskills. 2. Offer a culinary taste-tour where he does all the tasting (if you know, you know). 3. Have his daughter come into school to teach how to skin alligators and other similar animals. 4. Take over Dr. Jucovy's "prestigious" 6th floor office. 5. Knock a hole in the wall of his office so that he can finally have a "window.” 6. Be head of the department for half a semester. We hope that Dr. Stone can accomplish all of these goals soon, but he may just need to stay another year to achieve all of them!

ordinator of the senior grade. “And, by the way, the strawberry flavor is by far the best,” he added. On January 11, 2017 the supply of lollipops ran out, and riot spread throughout the school. A sign was put up in the office that said “No lollipops” with the tear face emoji. Posters flooded the walls, demanding a new stock of lollipops. The requests were taken into deep consideration, and on February 8, 2017, a remarkable day in Ra-

maz Upper School history, an announcement was made that there would be unlimited lollipops for eternity. Students and faculty rejoiced and enjoyed delicious artificially flavored lollipops.

Students are from Mars, teachers are fromVenus: Miscommunication at Ramaz A recent study revealed that 80% of what Students say is heard differently by Teachers. In an effort to amend this divide the following list is provided:

What Students Say :

What Teacher’s Hear:

1) I worked really hard on this essay

1) I completely plagiarized this essay

2) Lunch duty is ridiculous 2) At home, servants pick up my debris 3) You’re my favorite teacher

3) You’re a sucker; give me an A

4) Can I go to the bathroom?

4) I’m bored and want to wander the halls creating chaos

5) What did you do this weekend?

5) I have no desire to learn

6) Turn-it-in isn’t working 6) You idiot, of course I know how to use turn-it-in, I’m from the tech generation. I just didn’t do my work and want you to give me extra time, so I’m relying on your technical ignorance to grant me more time. 7) I failed.

7) I got an 88

8) I was just turning it off.

8) I continued to text right through your admonishment

9) Can we have a free?

10) Dr. Gaylord’s grading system is very fair

10) I got an A+

The Rampage

Purim 2017

Disciplinary Reports: Purim Edition

Louise Sitt '18

Recipe: Chocolate-Filled Funfetti Hamantaschen

Looking for a way to spice up the classic Purim hamantaschen? Try out these trendy funfetti hamantaschen! They look and taste great! Ingredients: 2 eggs ½ cup sugar ¼ cup oil 1 tsp. vanilla 2 cups flour 1½ tsp. baking powder ⅓ cup sprinkles 1 bar of chocolate (or 1 cup chocolate chips)

Directions: 1. Mix the eggs, sugar, oil and vanilla. 2. Add 1 cup of flour and the baking powder. Mix. 3. Add the second cup of flour until the dough forms a soft but not sticky ball. You may need 2-3 more tablespoons of flour if your dough is sticky. 4. Gently knead in the sprinkles.

5. Roll out the dough and cut out circles. 6. Put a piece of chocolate, or 3-4 chocolate chips, in the center of each circle. 7. Gently fold the sides and pinch shut tightly. Bake for 10-12 minutes at 350° F. Yields: Approximately 20 hamantaschen

Purim 2017

The Rampage

This year, Mr. Deutsch is upping his organizational game! He is already planning his lessons and class schedule for the upcoming school year and has arranged a calendar including research paper deadlines, textbook reading assignments, and test dates for September 2017 through June 2018. Although the test calendar for the 2017-2018 school year has not yet been created, Mr. Deutsch made a deal with the administration that they would honor the test dates he put on his calendar, even if they happen to conflict with school-wide programming. According to Rabbi Stochel, “This is very unorthodox. Our teacher’s handbook only requires that teachers have their lessons planned, tests written, and homework assigned within 18.18 minutes of the start of class time (to honor the Jewish traditions of our school by using the number chai). However, the administration has decided that if Mr. Deutsch really wants to do this, we might be able to make an exception.” When asked what inspired these changes, Mr. Deutsch said that he was inspired by his idol, Donald Trump, so he decided to drastically revamp the way he organizes his classes. Ms. Litwack greatly admires Mr. Deutsch, saying, “I am only able to give students a schedule

Language Department Introduces Aramaic

Mr. Deutsch Gets Organized With New Schedule Josephine Schizer '20

Rebecca Araten '18

for the upcoming quarter, but Mr. Deutsch does it a whole year in advance! That’s my goal for next year!” Mr. Deutsch compiles this list in early March for the following school year and sends it out to the entire student body in June. He said, “I created a whole school WhatsApp group and sent the students the entire schedule, which included summer reading and a history paper to write over the summer. Of course, I know that all of these students won’t be in my class, but since they won’t find out until the first day of school, I expect them all to do the assignment and be prepared just in case. That’s the safest way to make sure that all of my students are prepared!” Students have had mixed reactions to this new scheduling. “I love to plan in advance, so this schedule is very helpful to me. I always do my homework 10 days in advance, so it is good to know the history reading far enough before the due date to properly prepare for class,” says Ben Silverman ’20. Zach Buller ’20 disagreed. “I have never done the history reading in the past, so it is frustrating that this year Mr. Deutsch is putting so much emphasis on it. This will cut out of my TV watching time. This year, my goal is to watch 1 season every night,” said Buller.

Scouting for faculty.

As Ramaz undergoes its Renaissance, the language department has changed significantly. Dr. Warshall has decided to create a new system, in which students will have the opportunity to learn Aramaic. The idea for this new course offering came from head of the Talmud department Rabbi Schiowitz, who said, "Every Talmud teacher faces the challenge of trying to teach students difficult concepts in a language that they have never learned." Rabbi Sklarin agreed, saying, "If I hear one more student mix up 'hacha ' and 'hatam,' I'm going to have to show my class a video about the problems of our generation." Dr. Warshall wholeheartedly accepted the idea, saying, "I feel that having less Spanish and more Talmud-related subjects will help the students gain the skills needed to succeed." In fact, the idea was met with such wide acclaim that teachers in the other departments are making their classes more Talmud-related. Rabbi Stern, head of the math department, said, "We decided that instead of only teaching algebra and calculus, we will devote a whole unit to creating programs that will create unit conversions between different Talmudic units of measurement. Hopefully, students will learn the difference between a zuz and a selah." Mr. Klotz, as well, thought

that incorporating Talmud into physics would help further students' understanding. Students were faced with new types of example problems, such as, "If a vessel is thrown off of the roof and onto a bat, at what rate does it accelerate downward?" As head of the English department, Dr. Milowitz decided that students should read The Things They Carried, a book detailing the different laws of schlepping with an eruv. Students responded positively, and they were often heard conversing in Aramaic in the stairwells. Many even created Aramaic playlists. Julia Levi '18 said, "I really enjoy the school's new efforts to bring Aramaic to our everyday lives. Now, 13 periods of gemara per week feels like 50!" Rabbi Weiser weighed in, saying, "See, kinderlach? The Talmud is so important in our everyday lives. We just need to take this amazing opportunity and run with it."

Gabrielle Amar '17

Purim 2017

The Rampage

Crossword 8

Crossword Sam Berman '17

Answers can be found on www.the-rampage.org

Across

Down

1. “I don’t need the details”, over text 4. “There’s _____ in team” 7. Teacher whose name you wouldn’t say in public 14. Cooling units, for short 16. Clyde partner, for one 17. One who makes you congested 18. What honey makers write using? 19. Reason to go to C 21. Basements of buildings, for short, perhaps 22. Dr. of rap 23. GATT treaty 26. Major export of Saudi Arabia 28. Mess up 30. Teacher most likely to be in the mafia, for short 31. “Land of _____” (USA) 35. “This ______, not yours” 38. Reason to go to C 41. Indonesian Islands 42. What the student gov. says when it does something positive 43. Reason to go to C 46. Secondary letter add on 50. Fire: prefix 51. Egyptian God 53. River Island 54. Hrs. of many seniors during intersession 56. Busy as _____ 58. _____ dog (ASPCA goal) 61. How some people speak when they are nervous 63. Reason to go to C 64. Item necessary for rock climbing and zip lining 65. “Peek-a-boo, ______” 66. ______ Yisrael 67. Slope for kittens?

1. Ramaz rival: Abbr 2. Teacher you might go to to find a New Yorker? 3. “_____ on Shabbos”, (something not done in The Big Lebowski) 4. “Phone, remind me later…” 5. _____ Shabbos, (celebration on Shabbat) 6. Embarrassed 7. TV or movie electrician 8. ____ steel (strong stomach), for one 9. Linder or Bettinger 10. Crazy person: Abbr. 11. During WWII, the allies dropped a bomb _____ 12. Kind of grass 13. When repeated a teacher who may force you to do chessed, colloquially 15. What 3-across, 30-across and 2-down play in the lounge 20. Metal source 24. Song 25. Animal similar to humans 27. Berman of sports-casting 29. Costa ____ 31. Seminary in Jerusalem: Abbr 32. Spice 33. Thrill 34. Breakfast waffle brand 36. Wall St. purchase: Abbr 37. Ann Frank protector, ____ Gies 39. Alaskan animal 40. High point 44. Something checked at check-ups, for short 45. Judges’ attire 47. Tropical fruit 48. Modern family, e.g. 49. What many Ramaz kids do in order to study last minute 52. “Nor iron _____ cage”: Lovelace 54. Gender assumption of one wearing a dress 55. Heavenly body 57. Hosp. areas 59. Eating restriction 60. “It’s ____” (words that end a relationship) 62. Type of explosive 63. Selfie, e.g.