Volume 17, Issue 5 (May 1985) - The Rampage

,-he �am P Volume XVII Number 5

AN AMERICAN ABROAD

May 1985 / lyar 5745

NEW ROLES, NEW LEADERS

by Jeff Kobrin When llrst approached by the formidable editorial staff ol the Ram Page to write an article, I had absolutely zero Idea ol what to write. NII. Zip. Nothing. My mind was totally blank. Well, you get the Idea . So I said, to get them off my back, "Aw gee, I'm sorry, but I'd never be able to get It to you In lime. You see, I'm leavlng for Paris on Thurs• day, and ... " "Terrific)" they exclaimed. ''You can write an article about Paris and your vacation I" Whoopee. Now I still had no Idea what to wrlle about, I Just knew that I had no Idea what to write about Paris.

Fortunately, thanks to Mr. Olson, I realized that many rea• ders have never been to Paris, and II would be relatively easy to write about stuH that was totally new to lhem. Here you have tho tru\11 (moldy and rot• ten, maybe, but fru\ts nonth&­ less) ol my labor. II you're look• Ing for some v i v id, deep In­ sights on France and Its culture vs. the world we llve In or som&­ thlng like that, this Is not your article. What It Is however, Is a

''gee-whiz-I-can' t•belleve-I 'm­ really-ln•Parls" type of thing.

Be brave, reader. Continue rea­ ding, II you dare.

Flrstly, there are some myths I'd like to clear up that we Am• erlcans (mysell lormerly lnclud• ed) think about France. One: all Frenchmen do NOT wear ber­ ets. That's like saying all Israe­ lis wear· Kovar Tembel. Like­ wise, they all don 't eat long loaves of French br ead for lunch. Some of them do, yes, but not everyone. Two: The F r ench people DO drive like maniacs. Evldently they're all color blind In Par i s , because they Ignore all traffic lights.

Three: French women. This Is a "family" publlcatlon, and there Is only so far one can go In print, but sulflce to say that a quite a low things they say about French women are no lies.

Now to change tho subject,

WOMEN RABBIS IN THE EIGHTIES

by Elizabeth Manda!

Tho faculty of the Jewish Thoologlcal Seminary voted In October ol 1983 to admit women as candidates for or­ dination In the Rabbinical School. This May, Amy Ellberg will be the first woman ordained by the Seminary, prompting a great controversy In the Jewish community. Can a woman be a Rabbi, according to Halacha?

Beverly Magldson, a Reform rabbi, applied In 1983 for accep­ tance Into the Rabbinical Assembly, the professional organization of Conservative Rabbis. She was reJected, los• Ing the seventy-five pe,cent vote necessary for acceptance.

Several months i.'10 1 the Assembly was again laced with the problem ol whether or not to

fC0nt,,rliftlo,ip,,u6J

I

WHATA MENSCH!

T

by Havfv1 Kr,sner II one had lo describe Rabbi 'Neiser In one sentence, that sentence would be, .. He's mammash a great guyl" Al· though he has only been at Ra­ maz since September, Rabbi Weiser has already had an Im­ pact on the student body here.

His stories Inspire and enter• taln, and his mood Is so cheer­ ful that once you have come Into contact with him, your day has been brightened.

Rabbi Weiser explains that he Is so high-spirited because "Ille Is basically a wonderful place to be. The Torah gives you thekoach to preserve- to put things Into perspective and although bad times come, they eventually pass."

His good humor Is also attrlb• uted to a wonderful childhood.

He describes growing up In Cleveland, with his group of

accept a woman - Ms. Ellberg - when she Is ordained by the Seminary.

Graduates ol the Rabbinical School have always been ac­ cepted by the Rabbinical Assembly. II reJected, Ms. Ellberg would be the first graduate ol JTS not accepted.

Several members of the Assembly therefore proposed an amendment which would a u t o m a t i c a l l y ac cept a l l graduates ordained b y JTS Into the Rablnlcal Assembly. This amendment, which needed only a two-thirds vote to be passed, was accepted and added to their constitution. As a result, upon her ordination In May, Ms. Ellberg will become a member ot the Rabblnlcal Assembly, and ttiu,, L--i4! first womllf\ ra�b1 to be ordained and accepted by the Conservative movement.

Is this decision In accor• dance with Holocho ? Religious leaders are divided. Among those who argue that such a

MR. NICE GUY friends - all children of Euro­ pean Immigrants - as "a wonderful Ille. They tell me now that we had what you would call a deprived childhood, but I never knew It. Cleveland was typical Middle America with shmaltz on top." His childhood heroes were of a very wide range, from Avraham Avlnu, "the grandlather I never had," and Mrs. Manis, "the greatest first grade teacher a child could Imagine," to Zorro, Robin Hood, Jim Brown and Rocky Collvlto.

Whether In Cleveland or not, Rabbi Weiser Is not ready to live without shms/lz. In order to "taste the spice of life," he has sold used cars, owned a truck, Ing business and worked In real estate. The great outdoors are especially appealing to him.

Rabbi Weiser loves fishing and reading about science and nature. In fact, had he not chosen to teach, he would have liked to have become a zoologist or a marine biologist.

Nevertheless, Rabbi Weiser leets that he has made the right decision In choosing to teach.

His main goal Is "to get these Intelligent Jewish American children to recognize thal they're part ol the Jewish na• lion and gear their lives accord­ ingly." In order to achieve this goal, he feels that he must "Im• press upon the kids that It's great to be a Jew, that we have a beautiful heritage and that they should be proud of It." It Is easy to teach these values In Ramaz, Rabbi Weiser explains, because "the things

that make teaching a burden In other schools, like running out ol chalk for two weeks, don't ex­ ist In Aamaz: so In Ramaz you can concentrate on teaching," He also feels that the attitudes of the students make things easier. "People feel quite good about themselves which makes It a lot easier to teach. They want to be here for various reasons. In some schools you don'\ have lhat."

As for the religious aspect ol lhe school, Rabbi Weiser feels that "Ramaz clearly addresses the needs of a child lrom whal Is called the Modern Orthodox community. Some would say that they would like a little less rellglosily; some would say that they would like a little more.

You're never going to make everyone happy."

Rabbi Weiser Is very happy here, despite all the rumors he had heard about Ramaz. He says that "If the kids In Ramaz are supposed to be JAP's we have to redellne what the world JAP means, because they're not pompous or conceited; they're really decent kids; they're really bright kids; they're probably much brighter than most kids." He feels challenged teachlnu at Ramaz and enjoys the challenge.

"So you ask me why I'm always so happy - because I enjoy being here!"

page2

THE RAMPAGE

EDITORIALS Elections, Again?

It's that time agaln-G.O. Election Time. Time for campaigns, promises, and new officers. In the past, this has also been the time for a scathing editorial piously condemning the wastefulness of our General Organization, lambasting Its Inefficacy, and deman­ ding Its abolishment.

Inasmuch as we would love to blast the G.O., credit must be given where It Is due. This year has been dll• lerent. The G.O. has started to turn the corner. It Is back on the path of revltallzallon. From trips and movies to kazoos and Ram hats, a soft beat has been heard from within the heart of the G.O., crying out that It Is still alive and well.

So Instead of condemnation, let us offer our en• couragement. In place of a lecture, let's give the new G.O. the support they need to do their job effectively, and revive our student government.

Here's wishing the new G.O. lots of luck In the year to come.

Choose Life!

The fact that the administration would even consider the cancellation of Parallax is an Insult to the lntellec• tual community at Ramaz.

The purpose served by Parallax Is essential to the many creative writers among us. The creativity and quality of the literary magazine are a constant tribute to Its stall.

Parallax deserves our support and encouragement; not attempts on Its Ille.

,he

'R_am Paqe

Publlshcd by lho students ol tho Ramaz Upper School 60 East 78th St., N.Y., N.Y. 10021 427-1000

Erika Henlk Editor-In-Chief Daniel Bursky Executive Edllor

Steven Olson Faculy Advisor

Photography Staff: David Markenson Rafi Musher

Staff Illustrators Rebecca Stevens Peter Schwartz

Pam Becker Anal Bergner Ted Curtis

Staff Writers: Karine Klelnhaus Jeffrey Kobrin Havlva Krasner

Michael Leitman Kenny Sadlnoff

May, 1985

LETTERS REVENGE OF THE SLIME To the Editors: In the last Issue of the Ram Page, David Samuels described yearbook personnel as ''slime,'' and stated that we deify Mr. Goetz. As luck would have It, this was the first Issue of the year that was actually read by anyone. Think ye not that such blasphemous llbel shall go un• noticed. Perhaps Samuels feels that as a graduating senior, we cannot touch him. He is right.

Remember, however, "The wrath of G•etz shall extend to the editors, their successors, and theirs, unto the tenth gen• eratlon" (Seier NERTO X:VIII).

Henlk, Bursky, Katherine, He may not strike you down with leprosy, but anyone seeing your senior pictures wlll think that he did, after we gel through with them. Face It, folks, you are out of your league. Why don't you mess with Parallax Instead?

Incidentally, the notion that we worship Mr. Goetz Is clearly ridiculous. He occupies the role of Gatekeeper to Heaven In our faith, like St. Peter In Christian­ ity, or Rick Moranis In Ghost• busters. After all, how many times today have you said that college Is going lo be heaven?

The Yearbook Stall

WHAT'S IN A NAME? To the Editors: In response to the full spread Rampoon article "A Ramaz Bestiary: This School Is a Jungle," It seems to me that the unmenlloned species Is the classlfler. In this case he Is hiding behind the Lampoon to assure his own survlval.

Characterlstlcally superclllous, its dlsctlnctlve sounds smack of cynicism and arrogance. A breed apart, these pseudo-ln­ dlvlduallsts fancy themselves as animal soclologlsts; how­ ever, their own adaptive tech­ niques are lacking.

In truth we can all be "specie"-fled and the test of any worthy observer Is to distin­ guish the Individual within the crowd. I would recommend that those whose only desire Is to make fun of others (especially by name-former seniors In the fall Issue and faculty In the April issue) find another forum for their remarks and allow room in the Rampage for quality ar• tlcles, constructive criticism, in­ teresting Interviews and humor, as was the case In former years.

A Former Ramaz "West Slder"l"Frummle"I "Yearbook Slime" (who needs names anymore?)

POETIC LICENSE? To the Editors: Some pretty questionable statements have been made re• cently by the representatives of certain publications. We, the members of Parallax, Sustalners ot lhe True Light, feel It Is our duty to supply some background Information pertaining to the evolutlon, and present situation of these institutions, so as to permit a proper perspective to· ward the bitterness that Is brew• Ing. The story goes thus: Early on, our people found themsetves In a place called Up• per School. Some had passed on in the natural course of events from Lower and Middle Schools, while others hailed from more dlstannt and exotic places.

Some had come to garner new knowledge, and others had fled from tragedies In their own lands, rarely spoken of In thls haven.

It soon became known that there was a group that was dif­ ferent from the rest, that saw It necessary to go beyond the an• clent custom of writing notes, and sought to record other things, and they were called Chron lclers. Furthermore. It came about that this group was divided Into three, each with Its own dlely and each with Its own talents.

The first group became known as The Custodians of Yearbook, for It was their tune• lion and Joy to serve as the record keepers of Upper School, and to set down what they saw flt In tomes called Yearbooks.

They worshipped a very great deity called Goetz, their mentor ln their arts, and verily, as they clalmed, his was the appelatlon Keeper of the Gate, for It was his power to send those deemed worthy to yet greater lands. His people were a mighty and well• liked people, but as time went on, as we shall see, they became over•bold and lacking In discre­ tion.

The second group became known as The Proctors of Ram Page, and they were distillers ot knowledge, passing on Im• portant and Interesting lnfor­ mallon to the multitudes. Their spiritual leader, Olson, was a very busy being, always rush­ Ing about on tasks so numerous and varied that only one such as he could keep track of the m.

Unlike the Chroniclers, the con­ tact between the Proctors and lhe rest of Upper School was not confined to one time yearly, and for this reason they were In some ways the closest to the populace. Yet, even their power began to wane, and they began to deal In dangerous games In order to sustain themselves.

However, the greatest gilts were reserved for the last group al Chroniclers, and though superficially they were perhaps not as powerful as the others, It was not for naught thal they were called The Seers al Para!• lax, for the ability was theirs to (l'Onlinu�d page JJ

May, 1985

FOCUS:

THE RAMPAGE

page 3

THE LADY OF SPAIN

by Pamela Becker and Erika Henlk In past years, the Spanish Honor Society has been virtual­ ly Inactive. Yet this year, the once dormant club holds fort­ nightly meetings, and puts out a monthly newsletter, "La Prensa Estudlantll. • • What could have made such · a dra­ matic change In the lives of Spanish students at Aamaz? A new teacher.

Her name Is Dr. Joan War­ shall, and although she would not disclose exactly how many languages she speaks, her stu­ dents know that she is fluent in as many as seven, including French, German, Hebrew, Ladlno and Yiddish.

Her broad knowledge of lan­ guages is matched by her mul­ tifarious education. Besides at­ tending Vassar, Harvard and Columbia, Dr. Warshall spent several years studying abroad, at both the International Insti­ tute In Madrid and the Univer­ sity of Grenoble in France.

While her stay in Spain was part or a program with Vassar College, her studies in France were Independent.

To Or. Warshall, the benetlls of study abroad are twofold.

The study of a language Is more than Just memorizing grammar.

It requires an understanding of a society and the use of Its lan­ guage, and Dr. Warshall feels that by "living within different cultures, I have been left with a new appreciation of [them, as

DR. WARSHALL DRAWS IN HER SOPHOMORE CLASS. well as] of the histories of the countries.''

In keeping with her efforts to learn as much as possible about Spain and its culture, Dr. War­ shall was in contact with the Foreign Students Center In Ma­ drid, which "enabled foreign students to go on different cul­ tural outings and meet poets and historians." She also spent time within the Sephardic com­ munity which had recently re­ turned there.

Dr. Warshall pursues other Interests here In America. She has a real love for the theater.

POETIC LICENSE? ,c_,,,.,_,,,.,,,,, P.tr 1J

show others how things truly were, and how they might be, and to do this they used their talent In the written word and artistry to devise creations o f exceeding beauty, which touch­ ed the very souls of those who beheld them. And the one they adored was called Lltwack, and she was also the most adept at working In the Hidden Ways, serving as a guide for all In the working of Administrators, of whom we shall soon speak. And though at times her followers were all but forgotten.they were every busy Improving their arts, and they grew and prospered.

The people of Upper School became aware that other beings strode In this place, who, using subtle machinations, had a ter­ rl b le Influence over the rest.

Sometimes they were benlfl­ cent, but mainly they were fear­ ed, and they became known as Admlnlstrtators. All went as It wa•. until the Administrators began to seize all the power and freedom that they had originally vouchsafed, and this troubled the Chroniclers passing sore.

In an attempt to attract much needed power, the Proctors In-

advertantly offended the Cust­ odians, who, currupted by fear of Administrators and grasping for their approval, attacked the Proctors, for they felt they had been assaulted, and In their gross Impunity, slighted the Seers as well.

Now let us leave this conflict for a while as speak of our sect, The Seers of Parallax.

It so happened that a certain Administrator, seeing the pow­ er to which The Seers were heir, and the Influence they might have on the Inhabitants of Up­ per School, and seeing the Im­ peding absence of their protec­ tor, Lltwak, chose to wage war with an aim to destroy The Seers, and his weapons were many and terrible. It was then that Lltwack herself called upon four of these Seers, and Inform• ed them thus: Though she must leave In order to fulfill a great destiny, others might arise, and her spirit and Inspiration would linger amongst her disciples, who have waxed exceedingly proficient In the crafts she has taught them. It was now the task of The Seers to defend themselves against this tyran­ ny, and furthermore, to aid the rest to unite In a posture of

Not only did she receive her doctorate In Twentieth Century Spanish Theater, but she Is also a regular theater-goer. Her In­ volvement In "the stage" goes behind-the-scenes as well. Last year, while teaching at Central, she produced a play with their Dramatics Society. She loves to "travel and spend time In mu­ seums. I enjoy aerobics, long walks, good books and music.''

Wilh such a gamut of Interests, ti is a wonder how Dr. Warshall find the time to play with her dog.

That's right, Dr. Warshall has a dog. "He's a Lhasa Apso,

mutual protection. It Is a task we must, wlll, and are eager to fulfill.

So there you have It. There Is dissent among the people of Upper School, particularly the Chroniclers and the Admini­ strators, who are on the move.

The Proctors of Ram Page's

named Samba, because he he's all white. I've had him for twelve years and he Is intelll • gent, only he thinks he Is a puppy. When he Is hungry, h� carries around his food bowl.

He understands limited Eng­ lish, Spanish and Yiddish."

As for her future, Dr. War• shall"s main concern Is to "learn and accomplish some­ thing new every day, because If you don't -you become stale."

With such a variety of Interests from which to choose, it seems that Dr. Warshall does not have k> worry.

gracious request for, and accep• lance of this Information Is the llrst declaration of unity. W e Implore y o u all, and esepclally the Custodians of Yearbook, to shuck off your evil lncllnatlons and follow their Inspired lead.

The Seers of Parallax

8:06 at Ramaz

page4

THE RAMPAGE

NEWS FROM THE PALACE THEY TRY HARDER

by Teddy Curlis What a difference a year makes. Frisch was tougher.

Westchester was st ronger.

MTA was the team to beat. The Ramaz Junior Varsity Basket­ ball Team was not given a chance In the world to win.

But they did.

For the first time, the Rams won the regular season cham­ pionship. Their record of 8-2 has been attributed to great shooting by Greg Fleeslser and Jeremy Schwalbe and through a tough defense spearheaded by­ Jeff Greenwald, Steven Major and Larry Tanz. The Twin T o w ­ ers, Russell Rothstein and Lee Belasco, pulled down over one hundred fifty rebounds com­ bined through the course of the regular season.

The competition was tough and, as Lee lacocca would say, we had to be better. The Rams controlled Westchester's super­ star Izzy Marcus, especially his fast breaks and off lhe boards.

The big front line of MTA was overpowered by Nlr Vidra and the Twin Towers. The rest of the team, including Freshmen Josh Gallin, Jeff Mittler, Jason

Ader and Rober! Bernstein, and Sophomores Henry Rascoff and Dani Eisenstadt, contributed the points, rebounds, assists, steals, and the emotion and spirit that was the key to this team.

Success came through solid, hard work. ''We knew at the be· ginning of the season that we had a strong team," explained guard Jeff Greenwald, "but w e were disorganized. We needed a lot of work and really handled ourselves well."

"We had more practices,'' elaborated Russell Rothstein, ··and more workouts to get our• selves into shape. We really worked our tails off.'· The coach could not agree more . ''These really tried hard,'' said Randy Dulny, "they never gave up. The fought down to the last min• ute." These "cardiac kids" did Just that this year, pulling out victories In big games with the final ticks of the clock.

-Hillel leading by one point with nine seconds left to play, misses a free throw. Greg Flee­ Sier grabs the ball, races end-to• end down the court and hits a running, one-handed layup to

win !he game.

-Westchester is leading by eleven with about two minutes to go. Ramaz goes on a come• back tear capped off by Lee Belasco's offensive rebound and layup to win.

Tho most Important come• back of all came in the regular season division championship game against MTA. Down by five at halftime, the Rams be-­ gan their comeback in the third quarter and flnally won due to Greg Fleesler's free throws with six seconds remaining.

The Rams led 38-37 and won. as MTA's last-second attempt failed, Along with this turnaround, tho team sported a new look fan support. The fans, for the first time In a long time at Ra• maz, got Involved In the team.

From the cheering and horn blowing to the catcalls and Jeer­ ing, the fans not only psyched out the opposing team, but psyched up the Rams. At times, It was so loud in the Palace that the players could hear neither their coaches, nor the referee's whistle.

Not only were the fans excit· ed, but the players were as well.

Before the final regular season game againsl MTA, the Rams expressed their high expecta• tlons. · 'If we get into the champion­ ship - we'll win it!" predicted guard Greg Fleesler.

"We're the best!" exclaimed Jason Ader.

"You give us the time, you give us the place, we'll be there, and we'll win It!" forecasted center Lee Belasco. "It Is not a matter of whether or not we will win it - Just a matter of when and where.''

Center Russell Rothstein put the team's attitude simply, "We're Number Onel" Despite the fact that they lost to MTA In the playoff cham­ pionships, the team made an unbelieveable comeback from last year's 6·5 season.

The 1969 Mets were pretty good. The 1982 North Carolina State Wolfpacks were not bad.

The 1984 Boston College Eagles with Doug Flutle were alright.

The 1985 Villanova Wildcats had some comeback spirit. But the 1985 Aamaz Boys Junior Varsity Basketball Team was simply awesome.

WE'RE NUMBER ONE

by Kenny Sadlnofl At a meeting of all the coa­ ches at the beginning of this year, Andy Weltzen, coach of the basketball team, approach­ ed Steven Brown, coach of the hockey team, and Introduced himself as the ' 'coach of var­ sity." Brown, without hesita­ tion, replied, "Varsity what?"

Three cheers for Coach Brown's reply. It seems that Ramaz hockey, although a var­ sity sport, does not receive as much publicity or attention as Its varsity counterpart basket­ ball. And this despite the fact that the hockey team has never finished below second place, and this year captured that ever elusive championship.

The hockey team, however, suffers from an Identity crisis.

The White castle escapade of last year lingers In the backs of people's minds, and It seems that the hockey team Is still on probation.

The team's Identity crisis also continues due to lack of fan support. The turnout at home games Is almost nll because there Is no room for fans at the Eighty-fifth Street building, where the team practices and

hosts opponents. Low fan turn­ out at away games can only be blamed on the lack of priority given the hockey team and the lack of school spirit from which Ramaz students suffer.

Perhaps the student body, as well as the administration, should take a lesson In loyalty and spirit from the hockey team.

They are a bunch of winners, who go out and give It their all.

The practice and training thro­ ugh which Brown puts his team Is best described as brutal; but the team, with more than an occasional ache and groan, com• plies.

Yet the eager players only praise Coach Brown, who Is Just a grown•up version or his play• ers - all out to win. They also have high appraisal for Captain Stuart, saylngh that he "Gives his all for the team."

The admiration between the team members and their leaders Is mutual. While some had thought this year would be Just a building stage for the team, with over half of Its members being rookies, Coach Brown and Captain Schrader h a d known from the start that this year's team had tremendous potentlal.

The team turned oul to be all

and more than what Brown and Schrader had hoped for, with their tremendous season, play•

offs and romp over MTA for the championship.

Photo: Rafi Mu■her

MVP DAVID INGBER DEFENDS HIS GOAL.

May, 1985

pages

THE RAMPAGE

RAM PAGE CROSSWORRD PUZZLE No. 3

by Erika Henlk ACROSS

1. Mercury, In Greece 4. Fad 7. Kingman, e.g.

8. Scottish one 9. Under 12.Omlt 15.Our little G.O. 16.Llntel 19.Not a moment_ 22.Somethlng one lends 23.Where the title Is found 24.Good _ gold 25.Promlse 28.Famed Poet (lnll.)

29 Ache 30 .E.J connectors 33.Tallless amphibian 34.For the_ 36.Welsh river 38.Ladder part 39."_ and my shadow"

41.Gardeners, sometimes 44.Nothlng 45.Equlps 47.0le by exposure to extreme cold 52.Slgh of relief 53.Esklmo abode 54.(CLVII x XVII) · X 57.Negatlve 58 __ and void 59.Stlmulus 60 Lessens

DOWN

1. Gymnasllc feat 2. Adam's partner 3. Motlvos 5. Nothing, to Juanita 6. Judged 7. MIiie or Gaulle 9. Ghost's word 10." ..... a happy_ 11.Contemplatlve word 12 To do this Is human 13.Slxteen oz.

14.That Is (Latin, abbr. ) 15.Plg pen 17.My, In Latin 18 Facile 20.Bone 21.Corn or Sunflower

25.Cascades 26.49·er Pedro·s quest 27.DNA messenger 31.Homonym for "new" (abbr.) .

3 2Honorable 35.Moslem prince 36.Would not (conl.)

37.As of_ 38.Opposlte of Fast Forward 40.Wapltl 41.Rlver Island 42.Ye s. lo Georgia 43.0leaceous tree 44.New(comb. form) 46.Tarlff 48.Mr. Stravinsky

AN AMERICAN ABROAD (t'Oril11w('(/ from pa��

I)

Parisian streets. When you're In Paris, you know you're In Europe. New York has none of Paris' winding street, and al�

leyways, some with sidewalks, others without, and everywhere teeny little sidewalk cafes. None of the bulldlngs In Paris are taller than ten stories high, and none of them l o o k any younger than two hundred years. The new buildings flt right In with the old style, simi­ lar to Jerusalem, for those of you who have been there. The low bufldlngs accent all the parks, statues, fountains and monuments, like the famous "Arc de Triomphe," or Arch of Triumph, the Louvre (a former palace) and, of course, the Eif­ fel Tower.

The Eiffel Tower Is the most Impressive structure I have ev­ er seen. Ever. In my entire life.

You can keep you World Trade Center and Empire State Build­ ing. Neither of those Is sur­ rounded on three sides by a park and faced by a foun1aln and the Seine River. Neither of those have all their girders and beams exposed. You cannot stand under the Empire State Building and look all the way to the top (Actually, you can't do that at the Eiffel Tower either, but you CAN look more than halfway). Everyone has seen pictures of the tower, so I am sure you can appreciate what I am trying to say, but you cafV\Ot really, unless you are there with one thousand fee1 of brown ateel girder,, rivets and wires looming over your head. It's

I1'1:tescrlbable. And now that have wasted six or seven lines trying to describe It, I might as well go on to something else.

Enough with the tourist at­ I ract Ions. You want to read about the real Paris, the Place where Benneton Is a household word (and It should be, since there seemed to be as many Benettons as houses}, and Punk haircuts reign. Sorry.

I did not see all too much of that, since the only people you see at all these tourist locatlons are, after all, tourists. Face It, how many times have you been to the Empire State Building?

Rockefeller Center? Tne Soulh Street Seaport? I rest my case. I was talking with a sixteen year old kid I met In Paris, and he told me that he had only been to Ine Eiffel Tower twice. Oh well, you get jaded.

Oh, yes, the "real" Paris.

Well, I'll tell you, as I walked around the city the first couple days I was mighty confused by these huge signs on virtually every block saying "Brasserie."

Now I knew the French were rather permissive (more on lhat later), but this was ridiculous.

Then I found out thal a "' Bras­ serie" Is another lype of cafe.

Whew I I can only hope this part of the article makes It past the censor.

There Is certainly a great deal of American Influence In Paris, and when we were there, there were lines around the block to see a movie called "Le FIie de Beverly HIiis" (for those of you not able to guess, "file" Is French for "cop.") In fact,there were more American movies

49.Non llquet(abbr.) so__ and fro 51.Preflx for "posslble" or

than French movies. Prince Is quite popular In France (why he Is popular anywhere on this pla­ net Is a good subject for discus­ sion, but not now). There Is also a good deal of Influence from England, but I would say that the American and English Influ­ ences are pretty much equal In amount.

But you'll never forget you're In Paris. The people (younger people, that Is) think nothing of wearing peach-colored pants, high-top aqua colored sneakers with pictures of palm trees on them. Or how about a tu,cedo jacket, purple polo shirt and bow tie? I suppose It's a matter of taste. Their society Is quite a permissive one. Remember the movie out In the states a couple months ago, ''Marla's Lovers?'' well, they had It In Paris, and If you has seen the huge bill­ board, with a picture of. .. sorry, but If you want to know what It showed you're going 10 have to find me around school. Like I said, this Is a family newspaper.

They have naked women In their televlslon commercials. Just like that. Yes, I did watch a great deal of TV In Paris. Just for research's sake, of course.

In Paris, the law Is you cannot drink unlll you are eighteen, b u t I am told by a reliable source that this law Is seldom enforced. You have to be thir­ teen to get Into one of our "R" movies. There Is no minimum age requirement to be able to smoke. What they do NOT have, on the other hand, just In case you thought this was a sheer heaven, Is: cable TV, and what they DO have Is a whop­ ping case of antl-semltlsm. We

"proper" 55.Pool stick 56.He, to Pierre

asked someone directions to a certain restaurant, and he asked us, "Oo you know that's a KOSHER restaur• ant?" wllh a look that slad, ''You sure you want to eat there?·' There were also, of course, several somewhat larg­ er events which brought me to this conclusion, one of them be­ Ing the bombing of a theater where a Jewish film fesllval was being shown.

Paris Is, to conclude (finally!

I was starting to RAM-ble on a bit, hee hee) quite a town. It's half what you expect from guidebooks, and half totally new and unexpected . But I think I can truthfully conclude by saying that while I wouldn't want to live there, it's a swell place to visit.

, May, 1985

DEITIES, GODS, AND GOETZ

S

by Danial Bursky

o It came to pass one fateful day that the great gods of Olympus clashed. They roared, threw bolts of lightning and flexed their Immortal might. The time had come to decide who was the real god, who was the most powerful, who the masses should wor­ ship. Being Ramaz, a committee was formed to remedy the sltua• lion. In Ramaz, committees are always formed before the Ad· ministration lays down the law.

Coach Ste\len Brown came first before the crowd to demonstrate his powers. "How are you worshipped?" tho peo­ ple asked.

Coach Brown answered with pride, "The few, the chosen, the HOCKEY TEAM, come before me and pray. They come dress• ed In tradltlonal garb - bow­ ties and double-breasted suits.

They compete to see who can come closest to me, and they curry my favor."

"Why do they d e b a s e themselves so?" Brown was

(NOTE: DUE TO THE FACT THAT NONE OF OUR PHOTOGRAPHERS ARE MEMBES OF THE HOCKEY TEAM, WE WERE UNABLE TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO BROWN TO PHOTOGRAPH HIM.)

say.

NEW ROLES frontlnued from f)ORt' I)

move Is permissible Is Rabbi Joel Roth, the Assistant Pro­ fessor of Talmud, and Chair­ man of the Committee on Jewish Laws and Standards of the Rabbinical Assembly. Rabbi Roth recalls the phrase from the Torah which states that the Chachamim hold the power to uproot principles of the Torah, "Although an uncontestable right, It has never been Invoked because nobody can be sure who to consider a Chacham. Rabbi Roth feels that the senior faculty of JTS qualify, and therefore should use this power to ordain women as rabbis, and allow women to fulllll all the obligations and functions of a rabbi. These In­ clude being counted In a m/· nyan, serving as a sch/Isch fs//Jur, and receiving a/Iyo/,

:i: 0 ..

IC

Next before the committee came Mr. Jucovy. "I am god," he said. "I, too, havo answered prayers, performed miracles and lead teams to champion­ ships. But there is more. Not on• ly do Debate Team members worship me, but one need only see seniors come before me, grovelllng for recommenda• tlons, or A.P. History students absorbed In my words. to realize the full extent of my powers. L'etat c'est mol ! " he declared and then rested his case.

�...

i,j

z

�

a: 0

.."'

asked.

"They worship because they want to play."

"How else can you show that you are a god?"

Brown glowed as he an• swered. "A real god answers prayers. My followers prayed for a championship, and I granted them a miracle, and allowed them to beat MTA," High Priest Stuart Schrader agrees. "Brown Is a miracle worker," he has been known to

� ;

The commltee was about to decide, but lhen They Interced­ ed - the powers 1hat be. More powerful, more determined and more teared than all others, this power, some call It the Ad­ ministration, spoke. "The mat­ ter Is not for discussion," lhey told the committee, as they vetoed Its cho ice.

And so the pantheon remain­ ed as It had been a triumvirate; with Mr. MIiier and Mark Goldfarb In true control.

Mr. Goetz came last before the committee. His Yearbook Staff sang his prlases. His math classes worshipped with awe, and the committee was Im• pressed by his glory. "He Is wor­ shipped as not other," the com­ mittee realized. "The devotion of his stall Is complete: the respect of his classes, un• paralleled; the might of his wrath, beyond compare."

�

""' "'m IC

:i: 0

0

IC

.. z 0 IC ,c :i:

...

t; i,j

z

I

i,j

z

�

0

IC 0

(Note: No 1arae11 goos are mentioned. It seems that lsraells In Ramaz do not belleve In gods of any type or sort.)

Although It Is not customary for a woman to read the Torah out of kavod Ha Ts/bur, respect for the masses, In this day and age II would not be considered socially disrespectful, and therefore, a womon, It accepted by her community, should be permitted to do so.

In addition, Rabbi Roth takes the view that any woman who will accept the obligation of performing all the mltzvof of Judaism, without exempting herself from those she Is not re­ quired to fulfill, Is entitled to serve as a rabbi.

Many rabbis, however, both Orthodox and Conservative, feel that this move Is unaccep­ table. One of the biggest prob­ lems they raise Involves the role of witness lhal a rabbi !Ills at a wedding. In reference to this, Rabbi Roth recalls that accor­ ding to Tosfot, a woman can be a Judge, and tho Mlshnah states that a Judge Is quallfled to serve as a witness. However, he

agrees that women should not serve as witnesses, and documents signed by women as witnesses will probably not be considered valid by the Con­ servative movement. In addl• tlon, Rabbi Roth has spoken with a number of women who plan to serve as rabbis In the future, and many of these women have stated that they do not Intend to 1111 the role of witness.

Despite this, there are Or­ thodox rabbis who have ex­ pressed concern that the deci­ sion of the Conservative mov­ menl to ordain women as rab­ bis Is a shift toward the Reform.

Rabbi Roth stresses that this Is not so. He says that the facul­ ty of the Seminary believes tha1 It Is halachlcaily permlssl­ ble.

The action taken by the Con­ servative Movement opens up a previously unavailable lleld to women who aro Talm1dot Chachemot and capable of ser-

vlng as strong leaders of the Jewish community. Although Rabbi Roth agrees that It will take a lot of time for the com­ munity to accept this major change, he believes lhat It Is dellnltely a step '10 the right direction for women, as well as for Judaism.

ANSWERS TO PUZZLE No. 3