Mom, You are a Rich Man

“We kissed, and the beast became a handsome prince! We got married, had you, and now we’re living happily ever after. The End.” My Mama closed our photo album and kissed me on my cheeks.

“Goodnight, Rosas. I love you.” As she was about to leave, I groaned.

“Ugh! Mama, I've heard that story a thousand times! Read me the poems you’ve made.” I pouted my lips. I know she can't resist my charm.

“But I’ve read it to you a million times too! Aren’t you tired of it?”

“Nope. And I know you wrote new ones. Please let me hear it.” And as usual, I won.

She breathes fire and disrupts the ground beneath her feet. She burns hearts with her tiger gaze; and when she speaks, it’s melancholic. Nobody dared touch her. She sweats paranoia and regret. As you look away in dismay, cursing her name; she finds glory in every criticism. Her wings stretch further as she digests all your wickedness. She was never fragile. She is the chaos brewing in your core. She is fatal, and whoever tries to curb her strength is doomed to face her vile power.

“It touches the soul, Mama. When will you publish that?” Her face turned sour.

“Not this conversation again, Rosas. Your Papa hates hearing that.”

“How would Papa react... Yeah, yeah, but what if you exert a little bit of authority-- just like the theme of most of your poems!”

And just like that Papa arrived. He asked what we were talking about. We didn’t want to tell him, but he slapped me, pushed Mama, and gripped her wrist to force her to speak, and like always, she had no choice.

“PAPA STOP! SHE’S HURT!” Papa didn’t even look at me. “No more poems, Belle.” He let mother go, then walked off.

Mama’s sobbing, the kind that mimics bravery, but deep inside I know she’s hurt. “Mama let’s leave him. Let’s go to Lolo’s. I’m sure he will be happy to have us live with him.”

“Oh Rosas, if you only know what you’re talking about. We can’t leave. And I’m really fine. Your Papa’s just tired, but I know he did it out of love. He loves us too much, that's why.”

Love? Is that how people show love? Lolo never did anything to make me sob like that. He never would. “Mama please. There’s blood coming out of your nose!!!” I tried to assist her so that we could pack our things, but she pushed away.

“I told you, no one’s leaving! We are staying.” she never raised her voice to me.

“Why are we staying? He’s scary! He did it so many times!”

“I’m not hurt! This is nothing compared to the love he’s given us! If you only knew the care and affection he gave me before... And he works so hard to provide for this lavish life! So we are staying here, you get that?!”

“We’re staying here because you’re scared of being seen as poor?”

“You’re young. You don’t know what it’s like to live penniless. So be thankful for that.” and she left me too.

I can hear my parents talking sweetly, as if nothing happened, but I couldn't sleep. I need answers. So, I hope Mr. Google can give some.

I searched up the reason why some people physically hurt others. It says in some cases, it is a symptom of a mental disorder that makes a person super angry, causing them to physically hurt someone, or start an argument for no concrete reason. It could be acquired through genetics or traumatic pasts. Papa’s anger was uncalled for, but it says that people get angry when their safety is threatened. But how can mama’s poems be a threat?

I still can’t understand them, I need to know more. So, I typed, ‘Why is my mom staying with my dad who slaps her and she won’t leave?’

Various results popped out, mostly testimonies of abused women, but one suggestion caught my attention. “Beauty and the Beast phenomenon explained...”

Apparently, this is an emotional response, where a captive develops a connection or attachment with his/her captor along the duration of which he/she was captured because the captor showed kindness or care for the captive, or basically the captor didn’t threaten the captive as much as he/she imagined it to be.

I get it now. Mama’s experience contributed to her current mindset-- his fancy gifts, his “care”, and the generous donations to Lolo allowed her to develop the weird love she has for him. But I think all those material things couldn’t really cover the physical and emotional trauma he’s giving me and Mama. He thinks that in every abuse he’s given us, there’s an expensive gift that removes the emotional damage. I don’t think so. When he started abusing me and Mama, he wounded us, tore our hearts, left a scar, too big it created a void; sadly no new phone or jewelry could fill it. Every night I hear Mama’s cries even when she’s in deep sleep, I see her flinch when there is an abrupt movement. She’s scarred, and no amount of sorrys can ever undo his damages.

I know I’m young, but this isn’t the life that I want to live for the rest of my days. I love them both, but I choose to take control of my life, and I hope someday-- one day, Mama could find the courage to stand up against Papa, and seek professional help. I hope she’ll know when enough is enough because she is so worthy of pure love. Everyone is worthy of pure love.

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Written by Jullian Lerio

Visual by Lucci Tangpos

Layout by Kyla Mondejar