My Name is Daffy

“Hi, I was passing by trying to find a place to sit. May I sit beside you? You look so pretty by the way!”

I was sitting on the old bench at the

Baywatch when I heard a deep voice. I turned to see a gorgeous young woman dressed in trendy clothes decked with fashionable accessories. She looks so pretty, I thought, as I nodded in response.

The woman gave me a warm smile as she sat next to me. I did not expect a compliment, especially coming from her. In my perspective, she is the pretty one. I don’t feel the same way. My clothes look ordinary; I didn't do my hair any differently. How can she say that I am pretty?

“What’s your name?” She asked.

I smile. “My apologies, but I’m not comfortable sharing my name with strangers.”

“Oh, no biggie. It’s alright.” She had a far gaze and there was soothing silence. I couldn’t keep it to myself and said, “Thank you for telling me I am pretty, although I don’t know how to accept your compliment.”

“Same here actually,” she said, catching me off guard. “I’m not used to accepting compliments, and sometimes I struggle accepting myself,” she chuckled. “But being surrounded by people who support me, made me embrace myself. It helped see my beauty, which is why when I see someone beautiful, I compliment the person. Sorry if that made you uncomfortable.” She gave me a meaningful glance and stared at the sea.

Supportive environment. From what she told me, I think I have a similar one… I am surrounded by people who believe in me. Encouraging siblings, dependable friends, and my parents whom I trust. It is why I always felt like the problem of building my self-confidence was from within.

“I have people who support me, but why can’t I be someone confident?” I asked her.

“Our self-esteem impacts decision making, relationships, emotional health, and well-being. I’ve read this book by Maslow about the hierarchy of needs. Self-esteem is one of our basic human motivations. Individuals need both appreciation from other people and inner self-respect. It is a concept distinct from self-efficiency, which involves how well you believe you’ll handle future actions, performance, or activities,” she paused. “I’m sorry, I sound like I’m lecturing you.” She smiled apologetically.

To be honest, it didn’t feel like a lecture. Instead, I had a flashback from Halloween. I was cloaked in a ghost costume while the other girls dressed as princesses and fairies. I felt so embarrassed but everyone kept telling me how the costume “perfectly” suited me. How could they say I am perfect for a ghost? Am I too pale? Do I look scary? Can’t I be a pretty fairy like them? After that, I always felt like I never belonged, and I struggled to find my confidence.

“When I was little, I joined a Halloween party. I had a different outfit. I was scared of hearing their judgments. So I told myself that I was an outcast. ” I opened up.

“Are you scared of being pointed out? I know of people who fear being in the spotlight so they withdraw themselves instead. Sadly, it also limits your self-growth.”

My fear of criticism brought choices that limited my growth as a person. I didn’t believe in my supportive environment because I didn’t believe myself in the first place.

“My reason sounds so petty-“

“No reasons are petty, dear. The feelings you have are valid; what’s important is you realize and tackle your issues. Grow at your own pace.” She smiled.

Four-cornered mirrors, reflection from clear rivers, photographs, lenses of my camera; I always see myself through my eyes. I've never known myself from the perspective of the people who see me, who see the good in me. I wasn’t able to give myself a chance, leading my own light to dim. I was in a constant fight within me.

“I have to go now, thank you for-"

I cut her off mid-sentence “Daffy. My name is Daffy.”

“Thanks for your time, Daffy. I am rooting for you, it may take time, and remember that beauty starts and shines from within.” She smiled. “My name is Angelo, but I go by Angel.” She winked and offered her hand, I gladly took it. We waved our goodbyes.

Angel is beautiful, and I am too.

-

Written by Julia Feliz Avila

Visual by Anie Chriscia Do

Layout by Kyla Mondejar