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VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013


the plant Dawson College 3040 Sherbrooke Street West Westmount, QC, H3Z 1A4 Tel: (514) 931-8731 ext:1115 Copyright 2013

Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief Lex Herrington Managing Editor Sarine Moumdjian News Editor Sam Nazer International News Editor & CUP Liaison Devon Walcott Arts & Culture Editor MJ Cromp Voices Editor Justin Giglio Sports Editor Dan Sailofsky Jacob Cohen Graphics & Comics Editor Olivia Gilbey Head Copy Editor Lisa White Web Editor Monika Cefis Super Happy Crazy Fun Page Monika Cefis

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letter from the editor We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies. - Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset

It took me a while to understand what Valentine’s day meant to me. I’ve been fickle over the years, in my understanding of the day. I’ve jumped from love, to hate, to apathy. But as yet another V-Day looms overhead, I’m at a loss of what to feel. Am I excited? Gloomy? What is it even about anymore? Since my golden years of V-Days have long since passed (those in elementary where I spent all night peppering my valentines with glitter hearts, and then those in high school where my friends and I compared how many shitty, dyed carnations we had received) I’m

now just plain fucking baffled as to what I’m to do. Now that I’m older, is it supposed to be about sex? Romance? Family? I’ve been so bombarded over the years with sappy cards and flowers and chocolates and awful homemade meals and weird, I’m-trying-to-make-this-meaningful-sex-butit-really-isn’t that I honestly have no idea what to think anymore. Is that actually what I want; a scheduled day to celebrate love? Isn’t love just a congenital hallucination anyway? So, I made a decision. I would: 1) ditch my current valentine (#sorrykarl) and 2) be my own valentine. I’m set. I’m ready. I’m stoked.

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Copy Editors Naomi Silver-Vézina




Int. News










Marc-Anthony Cadieux, Zach Silberberg, Joshua Gabert-Doyon, Claire Lecker, Meaghan Westover, Margarita Bozhinova, Joel Chiasson, Laurence Deslauriers-Chouinard, Maya Bobrove, Marni Williams, Cory Schneider, Joshua Bateman

Now that I don’t have to cater to someone else’s unrealistic/boring v-day expectations, I have all day to please myself and look after the one person I truly love more than anything else. Me. I mean seriously, I know exactly what I want and I know exactly how to get it. I want booze (love at first swig?), sex, loud music and chicken wings. I want to wake up late, take a few swigs, eat a big-ass breakfast with fluffy-ass pancakes, smoke a j, masturbate, drink some more, go out dancing, meet someone and have mind-numbing, amazing sex. & that’s a day worthwhile. & that’s happiness. & that’s love. Happy Valentine’s Day, Dawson.

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VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013

Social Science Week 4C.1 What better way to spend the first hours of your Valentine’s Day than attending a talk about the detrimental effects of chocolate consumption! Jeffrey Barnes from Dawson’s geography department will explore the process behind dietary research and how it can often be misleading by focusing on the case of chocolate. We are lead to believe that we should eat more dark chocolate because the healthy Kuna people consume lots of natural cacao. Barns will discuss how this claim is untrue and the result of faulty research methods and pressure from those who paid to have the research done.


It’s that magical time of the semester again! The time when you will run to your 8:00 am class only to remember that you have to attend a talk your teacher is having at the other end of the goddamn college. The time when you will have to sit through an hourlong speech so that you can answer that one participation question your teacher gave you last week. Yes, you guessed right. It’s Social Science week! Each semester Dawson hosts an array of interesting talks by numerous speakers on a wide range of topics, from Immigration, Dark Chocolate, criminally insane (and not to mention, quite homicidal) doctors to activist rappers and even space exploration. Regardless of how apathetic you may be, there will be a subject that sparks your interest. So whether you are being forced to go to them or you’re actually interested, you might as well find out a little what they are all about. Here is a preview of the Dawson Social Science Week of 2013. Now, due to our inconvenient printing schedule, we were not able to publish this earlier and the week is almost done. But there is still plenty of awesome scheduled for the next two days. First off: End of Immigration? – Film and Discussion Thursday, 10:00 am, Amphitheatre 4C.1 In their most recent production, directors Marie Boti and Malcolm Guy discuss a new major trend that is changing the kind of country we live in. End of Immigration uncovers how Canada is relying more and more on “rent-a-workers” rather than immigrants, a process that might lead to the end of immigration as we know it. They compare the situation of these temporary workers with that of their

Examining, Gender, Generation and HIV/AIDS in South Africa: A Medical Anthropology Case Study Friday, 10:00 am Multipurpose Room 5B.16 In this talk, Kate Rice, an Anthropologist from the University of Toronto, will discuss how the work of professional anthropologists outside of academia can make important contributions to the study of human health and illness by talking about her own career trajectory, which includes a 16month period of fieldwork in a rural community in South Africa.

Stephane Gaskin talking about the importance of goals Photo Credit:Michael Colitruglio

own parents who arrived in Canada as unskilled workers in the last century. And ask the crucial question: is this the kind of society we want to build?

Dark Chocolate, Dietary Research, and Where the Kuna Fit In Thursday, 08:30 am, Amphitheatre

Joining Hands Against Human Trafficking 2:30 pm Multipurpose Room 5B.16 Catherine Legault, Executive Director – Chab Dai Canada. This presentation will look at several aspects of human trafficking. Chab Dai is an organization that looks towards the prevention of human trafficking. The talk will cover the definition, roots and types of human trafficking. The session will also address questions such as how we would know whether someone has been trafficked, if human trafficking is a problem in Montreal and elsewhere in Canada, what are the international and national laws against human trafficking, and how students

can help to prevent human trafficking. These were just a few of the many talks scheduled for Thursday and Friday. The following are the other equally interesting sessions hosted by Dawson for Social Science week 2013. Dawson College and the Rooftop Gardens Project: Learning Inside and Outside the Classroom about Sustainability - Thursday, 11:30 am Amphitheatre 4C.1 By Anna-Liisa Aunio from the Sociology department and Cindy Dale Elliot from Sustainable Dawson Thursday, 1:00 pm Multipurpose Room 5B.16 Soldiering for Canada by André Berdais, Major, Canadian Armed Forces - Thursday, 2:30 pm Multipurpose Room 5B.16 Joining Hands Against Human Trafficking by Catherine Legault, Executive Director Chab Dai Canada - Thursday, 4:00 pm Multipurpose Room 5B.16 NICARAGUA: We’re Back by The North-South - Friday, 8:30 am Multipurpose Room 5B.16 Perspectives 2013 : Restore the Integrity and Modernize Our Democracy by Bernard Drainville, Quebec Government Minister (Ministre responsable des Institutions Democratique et de la Participation Citoyenne) - Friday, 11:30 am Multipurpose Room 5B.16 Two-Row Wampum Peace Treaty and the Kanien’keha:ka people involvement in the Idle No More awakening by Kahawinontie, (citizen of the Kanien’keha:ka,)- Friday, 1:00 pm Multipurpose Room 5B.16 The Climate Change Crisis by Stephane Dion, Member of Parliament and former leader of the federal Liberal Party


A group of Dawson students explored an alternative interview technique in the context of the recent student strikes. The Dawson College Oral History Project, presented to students as a part of Dawson's Social Science Week, is a fairly new project initiated by Mark Beauchamp and Ben Lander, two teachers from Dawson's History department. The project is based on the concept of oral history, which consist in recording information in the form of interviews centred around a specific theme.

However, the idea behind oral history is much more complex. The practice, which became popular in the 60s, aims to give a voice to those who are not ordinarily heard in the mainstream media, which creates an utterly accurate representation of the concerns, challenges and situations faced by people at our time, therefore making oral history archives extremely valuable for future research. In Dawson's case, the theme addressed during the 90-minute interviews was last year's student strike. While the project was introduced by two teachers, most of it was executed by a group of students in the context of a Research Methods course. Four of these students explained the techniques com-

mon to oral history, in addition to presenting excerpts of the interviews they conducted. At first, a sample representative of both sides of the spectrum was selected. It included students and teachers from French and English institutions, as well as parents, police officers, downtown business owners, a homeless man, etc. Sarha Gunda Cadet, one of the participating students, said that conversing with this many people of varying opinions did not alter her take on the topic, but rather informed her in a a more profound way. “It educated me on a whole new level, about politics and about the intentions of the students and the politicians.” Unlike a journalistic interview, which

is conducted with the intention of finding a precise piece of information, an oral history session might not make the headlines. While its result might be less sensational, the approach has the advantage of being very free and open to deviations from the subject. “It is an open interview, the narrator directs the topic, with little guidance from the interviewer,” Beauchamp said. In fact, oral history attaches significant importance to open-ended questions, reflective silences and, most importantly, listening. “Not talking was very difficult, as I am a very interactive person,” said Claudia Fagiani, another presenting student. The capital importance of listening is

transposed in writing during the process of transcription of the interviews. While some common oral grammatical errors are corrected, the text is kept as close to the recordings as possible, in respect of the interviewee's tone, choice of words, as well as the general feel of the conversation. The recordings and their transcripts are not yet available to students, as the archive is to be created during the summer. Until then, the Dawson College Oral History Project will continue to collect data on student strikes through the contribution of students in certain Research Methods sections. The project will grow, as different topics are be introduced and researched upon in the future.

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4 VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013


Little acts of kindness MAYA BOBROVE SENIOR WRITER

On Jan. 25 an anonymous student launched Dawson Cegep Compliments, a Facebook page where students can compliment and send positive messages to others anonymously. The page aims to spread positivity among students at Dawson. “When one gives a compliment, it's not only the receiver that feels all warm and fuzzy inside,” the creator said, “but it's also, I believe, the complimenter.” “I think it's an easy thing to do that can really make someone's day,” fourth semester Liberal Arts student Nancy Walpole said. The first Compliments page was created by a few students at Queens University in September of last year. Since then numerous schools across North America (43 according to the Dawson Compliments info) have started pages in the same spirit. The creator of Dawson’s page was inspired when they came across McGill’s and “felt as if [a Compliments page] would be a good thing for the Dawson community because…everyone deserves a compliment.”

This is strictly their motto, not ours.

The creator wishes to remain anonymous to maintain the purpose of the page. “I want the page to be talked about, not the administration responsible for it,” they said. The creator is cur-


rently the sole administrator for the page but said that they would like to take on a partner they trust to share the work load. Because of the anonymity, they will also be selective as to who will

take over once they leave Dawson. Anonymity is also important for the page to work. That way, said the creator, people can “feel free to be as truthful as possible.”

“I was really touched when I received [a] compliment because it’s not often someone compliments you like that. It rarely happens in person,” Walpole said, adding that she is “surprised that it is working so well in practice and not just in principle.” The information on the page clearly states that the goal is to “spread joy to the Dawson community…hateful or rude remarks will be completely disregarded.” Despite the positive feedback, close to 300 friends and counting, and more than 20 submitted compliments since the page started out, the creator said they have received negative messages and had to deal with confrontation. In order to tag people in posts, Dawson Cegep Compliments is actually a Facebook profile. The creator encourages people to friend the page because Facebook has blocked them from adding more people for security reasons. “I am here to do a little of what I can to help spread that hope in humanity that everyone is looking for,” the creator said, “If this page can inspire others to do bigger and better things with themselves and in their life, I've accomplished my goal.”


Sixty percent of the Dawson College population are females of all ages, sizes and cultures. They all share similar concerns and questions, whether it be about their body, sex or simply the way they choose to go about their lives. With the nurse having no choice but to turn away half of the students that come to see her, the idea of a Women's Services and Advocacy Centre was cultivated. Last spring, fourth semester Social Science student Olivia Shaw was voted into the student council as the Women's representative where she introduced the idea for a Women's Services and Advocacy Center. When Edith Beauvais, fourth semester Languages student and Treasurer of the Dawson Student Union, came upon the idea she became personally involved in leading the project. "She worked on it a lot during the summer," Shaw said. Beauvais gained contact with Le "R" des Centres des Femmes du Quebec, an organization that gathers all women's centres across Quebec, which led her to visit UQAM and Concordia's Women's Centres. Concordia formerly had a Women's Centre, but now it has grown into a Gender Advocacy Centre. "They're really active, they're so big they answer the greater Montreal [area]," Beauvais said, "They're Awesome!"

Genevieve McCready, the school nurse, was immediately fully supportive of the project. "She helped us from the start and because of her we realized a lot of things," Beauvais said. The reason for developing the project became more apparent to the girls after visiting the nurse, and they learned how important the situation at Dawson was: with an overwhelming population the nurse has no choice but to turn away half the students that come see her. Most of McCready's patients are girls going to get simple sexual health advice. "The main purpose of having a women's health centre is to have sexual health support more accessible," Shaw said, "a place where women can breastfeed their child, organize campaigns, events and workshops amongst themselves." A closed space where women will be able to feel safe and speak openly to each other without judgment and having a trained employee to offer advice and give information on sexual health as well as address issues such as consent, sexual abuse and rape is the plan for the Women's Services and Advocacy Centre. The goal for this semester is to build a good core group of people who are devoted to campaigning, promoting and meeting for the fall semester. The DSU is entitled to have a space ready since it was unanimously approved by the student council in Nov. For more information go to 2F.2. I probably shouldn’t have used this picture.

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The Dawson English Journal committee has published the selected essays for Fall 2012!

Can you sing? Do you play any musical instruments? Think you're a comedian? Let Dawson provide you a stage! Register now for Dawson Unplugged at the student affairs office.(2E.6) The event will take place in cozy Oliver's(2C.17) on March 26, between 1 and 2:30PM.

Thank you to all those that participated, and congratulations to the essays that were selected. The essays can be found on

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EDITOR: Devon Walcott CONTACT:

North Korea conducts nuclear tests JESSE KAMINSKY CONTRIBUTOR North Korea has conducted its third nuclear test Tuesday, causing a wave of anger from the international community. Pyongyang officials have said that the test was “in self-defense”, stemming from U.S. hostility. U.S. president Barack Obama has released a statement regarding recent action. “This is a highly provocative act... North Korea’s nuclear and ballistic missile programs constitute a danger to U.S national security and international peace.” The newly appointed US Secretary of State and his South Korean contemporary were quoted as having discussed punitive actions towards the isolated state in an effort to discourage any action by Pyongyang. Even China, one of North Korea’s few allies, has decided to say that North Korea will “pay a heavy price” if they decide to proceed with the tests. The Korean conflict, which grew out of the power vacuum left in the wake of Japanese de-colonization after 1945, has proved to be one of the deadliest and longest lasting in recent history. The ide-

The North Korean military displaying their firepower

“This is a highly provocative act... North Korea’s nuclear and ballistic missle programs constitute a danger to U.S national security and international peace.” -Barack Obama ological divide between the communist North and the democratic South along the 38th parallel has split not only a country in half but frequently families also. The Korean Workers Party, founded in 1949 by Kim Il-Sung, the father of the recently deceased Kim Jong-Il, has ruled over the North in an autocratic and bru-

Pope resigns

Pope Benedict XVI

DEVON WALCOTT INTERNATIONAL NEWS EDITOR Pope Benedict XVI’s reign has come to a sudden end, when the 85-year-old religious leader announced Monday he was stepping down. The move comes as a surprise, as Benedict XVI is the first leader of the Catholic Church to resign since Pope Gregory XII in 1415. In a letter to his congregation, Benedict cited poor health for his decision to retire. “…In order to govern the bark of Saint Peter and proclaim the Gospel, both strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few months has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me.” -BENEDICTUS PP XVI All eyes are now on the Vatican, as the world waits for cardinals to announce their new pope. While still shrouded in uncertainty, an Irish betting house has

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been taking upwards of 100,000 pounds of wagers. According to The Telegraph, Paddy Power currently has Canadian Marc Ouellet, archbishop of Quebec, at a 3-1 favorite. Popular support also includes Francis Arinze, a Nigerian, who has also been included in the front-runners’ pack. Arinze, along with Ghana’s Peter Turkson, have brought up the real possibility that the next pope could very well be African, as there is a strong catholic following in much of South-West Africa. Many strong contenders are also from Latin America, meaning the next pope could even be from South America. Regardless, it is very likely that the next pope could be non-European. According to the Daily Telegraph, Cardinal Kurt Koch, head of the Vatican department for Christian unity, said the Church's future was not in Europe. "It would be good if there were candidates from Africa or South America at the next conclave," he said. Asked if he would vote for a non-European over a European candidate if they were equally qualified, he responded, "Yes."

tal manner since then. Kim Jong-Un has ordered the test despite threats of further sanctions by the United Nations. The fact of the matter is that North Korea, having alienated almost most nations, have already been subjected to heavy sanctions. As a result, the only really effective sanction would be the cutting of

all aid and oil from China. This most recent round of political gesticulating between North Korea and the rest of the world is most interesting to Iran, the other reclusive nation with a clandestine nuclear program. A recent allegation of sharing and testing of nuclear and missile technology between the two

isolated states is of the highest concern to the US and its allies. For Pyongyang, their nuclear program is one of the cornerstones of the Juche or self-reliant philosophy promulgated by Kim Il-Sing, Kim Jong-Il and now Kim Jong-Un. The government sees their nuclear program as the only deterrent from American hegemony over the Korean peninsula. It justifies its aggressive stance by vowing to protect all of Korea from the same colonialism that was forced onto it by the Japanese pre-1945. What will come of this test is the usual round of condemnations and political inaction by the international community as a whole. Most importantly however, it shows the resiliency of North Korea in the face of sanctions by the rest of the world. The United Nations Security Commitee has “strongly condemned” North Korean action, and reportedly in the beginning stages of plans to punish the rogue state. Foreign Minister Yang Jiechi said China was “strongly dissatisfied and resolutely opposed” to the test and urged North Korea to “stop any rhetoric or acts that could worsen situations and return to the right course of dialogue and consultation as soon as possible.”

L.A. rampage is over

Officers sweeping from house to house looking for Dorner

JOSHUA GABERT-DOYON CONTRIBUTOR Chris Dorner, the suspected perpetrator of a violent killing spree directed against police officers and their families, is believed to be dead after a shootout with police in Southern California. Charges against Dorner, 33, surfaced last week after the former Los Angeles Police Department officer released an online manifesto accusing the LAPD of corruption and racism. Dorner promised “warfare” against the organization, which had fired him in 2008. Dorner is thought to be responsible for the murder of a husband and wife found shot in their car. The double homicide took place in Irvine, California on Feb. 6. The woman was the daughter of a former LAPD captain who had acted as Dorner’s lawyer at a police disciplinary hearing. Dorner blamed the captain for his termination from the LAPD in his manifesto. On Feb. 7, a man driving a pickup truck that resembled Dorner’s was questioned by the police, released, and then broadsided by a police car. Police then began to

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shoot at the pickup truck as well as another similar-looking vehicle. Three were injured in the incident, including a woman who was shot in the back twice by police. No arrests were made. On Feb. 10, Dorner engaged in a shootout with police, wounding one officer in a suburb of L.A. In a separate incident some time later, the former LAPD officer ambushed a police car, killing a veteran officer. Dorner, a former navy reservist, is then alleged to have headed North towards San Bernardino. A large-scale manhunt was launched against Dorner, and some 50 families mentioned in Dorner’s manifesto were given around-the-clock police protection. The 33-year-old is also thought to have tied up a couple and stolen their car in the town of Big Bear Lake. He was chased by wardens from the California Department of Fish and Wildlife before fleeing on foot. Cops from the San Bernardino County sheriff ’s department had surrounded the cabin where Dorner was presumed to be hiding late Tuesday night. A firefight ensued and a police officer was killed before the cabin ignited. The Los Angeles Times


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have reported that a single gunshot was heard inside the cabin. Remains were found in the cabin as well as Chris Dorner’s driver license, although the body has not yet been confirmed as Dorner’s. Dorner posted the manifesto last week on the social-media website Facebook, detailing his termination from the LAPD, which Dorner says is the result of a corrupt and racist police department. Dorner, who claims he blew the whistle on a fellow LAPD officer after the officer kicked a mentally ill suspect, was fired from his post at the LAPD. In his manifesto, Dorner lists “targets” and states his intentions to “change and make policy” at the LAPD. The manifesto also includes a selection of Dorner’s opinions, including those on the hacktivist group Anonymous, an assault-weapon ban, Charlie Sheen, Hilary Clinton, Jon Stewart and The Walking Dead. Dorner closes the manifesto by praising Bill Cosby and calling on African American youth to “strive for more in life than bling, hoes, [sic] and cars.” Dorner’s manifesto has gained considerable support among the online community. Numerous Facebook groups have emerged supporting Dorner.

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VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013

DARRYL GALLINGER THE LANCE WINDSOR (CUP) — A new survey suggests Canadians are becoming addicted to their smartphones. Good news for those in the business, but phone dependency is a real problem. On behalf of Canadian cell phone provider, Wind, Vision Critical recently conducted an online survey of 1,501 Canadians to determine what they would give up in order to keep their smartphones. “The response to pets was the most surprising,” said Alexandra Maxwell, a spokesperson for Wind. The survey shows that 17% of smartphone users would give up their pets. “I just didn’t see that coming, but I guess some people just love their phones more.” According to the survey, 40% would give up video games, 28% would give up alcohol and 23% would part with coffee rather than give up their smartphone. “Surveys are a great way to check the pulse of consumers. With more and more Canadians switching to smartphones, we wanted to see just how much Canadians loved them,” said Maxwell. “I’d feel pretty weird without my phone,” said Hanna Bellacicco, who wouldn’t give up her pet in exchange for her phone but would cut out coffee to stay connected. “It has to be near me. Even when it’s charging it has to be

Popular Cellphones from 2012

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“I use my smartphone every day,” said Allisa Oliverio, who admits to feeling like she’s addicted to the device. “Without it I think I’d be lost … It’s always with me.” near me.” Ken Hart, a psychology professor at the University of Windsor, was surprised by the results of the survey and said it could indicate an addiction trend. Hart defined addiction as a loss of control. “The person feels a compulsive need,” he said. “This overwhelming urge to engage in the behaviour is very strong, and the person is unable to restrain themselves.” “[Addictions] cause your life to become smaller and narrower, because other activities in your life are being

displaced by this,” said Hart. “Important life goals that you’re trying to achieve don’t get accomplished, so you start becoming unhappy.” A Pew Research Center study of 2,200 Americans last March indicates that about 10% feel they use their phones too much, suggesting people are becoming aware of potential abuse. “I use my smartphone every day,” said Allisa Oliverio, who admits to feeling like she’s addicted to the device. “Without it I think I’d be lost … It’s always with me, it’s always in my hand.” Oliverio said that she sets boundaries

with her use, such as avoiding using it when she’s hanging out with friends since she views that as rude behaviour. Other countries are already struggling with smartphone addiction. According to the Toronto Star, South Korea has started a program to help children with their addiction to the internet through various gadgets, including tablets and smartphones. The South Korean government estimates that 2.55 million of its people are addicted. Mohsan Beg, clinical director at UWindsor’s Student Counselling Centre, has not yet encountered issues of

smartphone addiction among students. “We do see some internet addiction,” he said, adding that patients typically have issues with video game use. “[Students] engage in the technological world to escape the real world,” explained Beg. He said symptoms of depression are often tied to internet addiction and people often resort to escapism by playing video games to cope. Hart said that improper smartphone use draws people’s attention away from the current task at hand, be that studying, driving or holding a conversation. “As an instructor, I see students use smartphones in class, even when they’re not supposed to,” said Hart, adding that despite his policy against mobile phones, students violate it regularly, even after seeing him confiscate phones. “It can be dangerous in the sense that it can harm their academic well-being.” Hart said he was unaware of a program to treat such an addiction, but said that he could see an increased need for one in the future. “The larger problem is being distracted … maybe they’re addicted to distractions," said Hart. "On the other hand ... feelings of depression and loneliness can be alleviated by the smartphone, which is an outlet for social engagement.” Hart uses the internet mostly for work and engages in social media sparingly. He only uses a landline and doesn’t own a mobile. “I don’t need one,” he said with a laugh.

Losing my religion JJ BREWIS THE CAPILANO COURIER NORTH VANCOUVER (CUP) — When I was young, my parents elected to move me to a Catholic elementary school. Despite the fact that it was certainly better than the public school I had previously attended, it was an experience that ended up being quite rough around the edges. The kids at my new school were uniformly more badass: they lied to their parents and forged notes to skip class, stole art supplies from the school, and made up elaborate schemes to get teachers fired. It was a weird time for me. As one of only a few kids in the class who didn’t have a Catholic upbringing, I felt left out in mass when I had to hold my hands across my chest in a giant X-formation during Communion (the ritual of accepting juice and wafer as the “blood and body of Christ”). As someone who wasn’t baptized Catholic, I was allowed to enroll in the school, learn about Catholic practices and be almost fully integrated in the school, but they made sure to find ways to make me feel “not quite Catholic enough.” Similar to the lack of Communion, I also wasn’t allowed to learn the little calland-response chants used between the

priest and congregation at mass. When my friends in choir prepped me on these sing-along cues, they got in trouble. The teachers would rather I sit there awkward and confused, rather than brought up to speed. When it came time for Confession, I was asked to pray double the amount of Hail Marys as my peers – even though my lowly sins were tame in comparison to theirs (so I stole a Salt-NPepa cassette from the store – hardly equivalent to my friend who stole his dad’s porn and outed him to his mom). It seemed just sort of unfair at the time, but in retrospect it feels even more like being left in the cold. What was the point of leaving some poor kid out of the rituals when all of the lessons in class were about acceptance and togetherness? Years later, I’ve all but left my Catholic and Christian roots behind, but some things still linger. When I’m walking home in paranoia of coyotes or copslashing vigilantes (both of which have been sighted in my house’s vicinity), I say a prayer for guardian angels. When I lose my wallet, keys or phone (so, basically every day), I ask Saint Anthony in prayer to help me discover the lost item. But I don’t really believe in angels or prayer at all, so why do I call upon these resources? I guess, in short, because they seem to work for me. Regardless of if prayer is a placebo or the effective link

helping me find my lost belongings, it doesn’t really matter. It’s become part of my subconscious routine, even though I have no affiliation with the church at this point in my life. For whatever reason, I can’t let a few pieces go. Religion, like any form of belief system, exists for the believers because, well, they need something to believe in. I’m not saying this is good nor bad, it just simply is. I’m not talking about just Christianity, but this is the only religion I have any personal experience with. I was raised Christian, and throughout elementary and middle school, I subscribed to the ideologies and methods. I refused to use swear words, even as my Catholic-raised classmates spoke like sailors. I started slipping away from Catholicism and Christianity altogether as I hit high school and started thinking more for myself. It no longer made sense to me to subscribe to a particular belief system that didn’t really align with my changing views. How could one set of ideals survive, unchanged, for thousands of years? The foundation made sense to me: be nice to people and lead an honest compassionate life. But Christianity has changed and evolved a lot since its birth. People have taken its scriptures and twisted them and attached them to terrifying and alarming ideas. Human beings

have killed in the name of God, cast people aside for their sexuality or social status based on their own interpretation of one line of an ancient text. What’s perplexing to me is that I was always taught that God loves and forgives everyone, yet some of his most devout followers seem to be filled with nothing but judgment and hatred. I truly believe that, in its purest form, religion is probably an okay thing. Christianity for example, in my opinion, is a set of values based on a book of stories. They are entertaining and enlightening. But do we need to take social cues from a book of fairytales from thousands of years ago? Probably not. And if so, why are we so selective? People don’t take moral advice from the Brothers Grimm, otherwise we’d all be cutting off our toes to fit them into glass shoes. Sounds ludicrous, yet some folks out there are quick to condemn others based upon what can be boiled down to a story. What has taken away from the appeal of Christianity and other religions, for myself and maybe for others, is the amount to which people let it take over their whole existence. Many people, it seems, have a hard time having a casual relationship with religion, which is where it seems to get tricky. I have a hard time letting any one thing define me, and as soon as I start becoming associated with one thing, I start

to feel boxed in. Across the board I’m known as a gay vegetarian artist writer hipster type. Labels are annoying to me, but some people look to them for a sense of belonging. Everyone is different, which both makes our world interesting and unpredictable. I am not saying at all that Christianity, or any other religion, is all bad. Just as some Christians have wrongly chosen to condemn people based on race, sexuality or colour, it would be wrong for me to speak about all Christians with a blanket statement. But as a person who happens to be gay, it’s hard for me to be okay with a religion that has produced a website called “God Hates Fags,” which mocks young victims who were killed merely for being gay. My grandma also happens to be Catholic. And she didn’t make a hateful website about me when I came out to her. She sent me some homemade cookies in the mail. I guess what it all boils down to (aside from “everything’s gonna be fine fine fine,” because, yes, Alanis, yes), is that people believe in what they want, and as long as it’s giving them hope and not causing anyone else pain, nobody else should argue with it. For me, I choose to believe as well – I just believe in myself, and the people around me. To me, that’s my religion, and nothing can take that away from me.

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8 VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013



Before the Grammys even went on the air on Sunday Feb. 10, the web was already buzzing with news about the awards. CBS, the host network of the Grammys, issued a statement kindly asking the stars to tone

down the red carpet fashion this year, seeing as in previous years, little has been left to the imagination in terms of outfits (*Cough* J.Lo *Cough*).

So one could only imagine how exciting it was for viewers of the Grammys to watch the pre-show this year: who dared to violate the dress code? Do you want the grand answer? Here goes… No one really! However stars like Kelly Rowland, Katy Perry, Alicia Keys and of course J.Lo barely met the standards presented by CBS. Now on to the actual show, which consisted of 85% performances, 10% awards, and 5% Taylor Swift dancing and singing. Swift actually opened the show, once again reminding us that her and One Direction’s Harry Styles are “never ever getting back together” (but this time with a British accent! So she must be saying it directly to Harry!). Then came the man of the hour, host LL Cool J. LL (or Cool J? My goodness, what do his colleagues call him?) kindly honored the late Whitney Houston, who passed away this time last year on the night before the Grammys. After his opening moments of sincerity, LL’s greatest moments came from constantly reminding us to hashtag the name of every celebrity in the room in hopes that maybe, just maybe, he will read your tweet out loud (which he rarely did). The awards were given to a mixed bag of recipients, as opposed to the usual one artist who receives them all (like Adele last

Cheap Eats

year). Some of those winners included Frank Ocean (thank the good lord someone recognized his greatness), Fun. (did anyone else see Lena Dunham supporting her boyfriend the guitarist from Fun.?) Kelly Clarkson and Mumford & Sons. The show consisted of many outstanding performances. Moreover, so many of the perfor-


Photo credit:


If you’re looking for some kick-ass meat or veggie pies, you’ve come to the right place. At Tourtiere Australienne, for about 12 bucks you can get a small but filling quality pie with multitudes of flavours with a side dish of either sweet potatoes, mushy peas, the soup of the day or salad and a hot or cold beverage of your choice. What’s awesome is that you can get Aussie desserts and snacks like Tim Tams or Lamington cake that aren’t easily available in your typical market. The Boulangerie TA, open 8 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday to Sunday, is situated near the mountain, a 10-minute walk from Mont-Royal metro station on the corner of Mont-Royal and du Parc. Be sure to keep your peepers peeled; this place is easy to miss. From the outside, the building’s furnishings are humble: a neon OUVERT sign, glass windows under an awning, and a little seating area outside when weather permits. Another sign bears their logo of a “South Park” Canadian declaring the resto’s nickname “ta”, which stands for “Tourtiere Australi-

enne”. Upon entering the establishment, I noticed that there wasn’t much place to sit. The seating arrangement includes one table with three chairs around it and 6-7 IKEA stools around a bar-height table. It’s a place more suited to the grab-andgo clientele. You can buy pre-made pies in two sizes, regular and family size, in which the former is the size a little bigger than a fist and the latter the size of a dinner plate. The cheapest prices are $5 to $15 respectively. Melanie, who happens to be partowner, was very accommodating and had an Australian accent that was charming. I ordered one Butter Chicken pie and the ricotta, mushroom and spinach pie, with a national drink of Lemon, Lime and Bitters. The pies were delicious: the flaky crust was buttery and soft with spicy and savoury fillings. The Aussie drink was kind of disappointing since I was expecting something at least a little different from 7-Up. All in all, TA is a great place to get some really good pies that will satisfy you in more ways than one. At the end of my meal, I was so satisfied that in fact it made me want to make my own meat filling from down-under.

course, it was even nicer to see everyone in Hollywood loosen up for a night, especially after the Whitney Houston tragedy of last year’s show put a bit of a damper on the Grammy festivities. Long live this new age of the Grammys where a hashtag pre-

cedes the name of e v e r y celebrity that is challenging both the standards of music and appropriate attire.

FOB is back from the dead PRODUCTION MANAGER

TA for Tourtiere Australienne

mances had multiple artists on one song. Standouts included the respective tributes to the late Levon Helm and Bob Marley that brought together some major names in music. The Marley tribute in particular brought together Bruno Mars and Sting, with Sting (finally) singing a verse of the Police-esque “Locked Out of Heaven”. Other stellar performances from the show came courtesy of Mumford & Sons, Rihanna featuring That Guy in the Beanie, Fun., and The Black Keys. For many, though, the highlight of the ceremony was Justin Timberlake’s comeback performance. Oh how delightful it was to see everyone swooning over a Justin that is a grown adult for once! Timberlake certainly brought sexy back on Grammy night, with a classy touch (and Jay-Z even put his Cognac down to rap with JT during “Suit & Tie”!). It is truly such a pleasure to have him back, not only because he is a reminder of most of our younger days, but also because he is so insanely talented. Overall, the show was very enjoyable. It was so nice to experience a Grammys where so many acts we did not know of last year were winning big this year. Of

The time has come. Our punk-pop phase is coming back to haunt us with the return of the legendary Fall Out Boy. Last Monday, the band announced their reunion, a new single, video, tour and album all before nine in the morning. After an extended four-year hiatus, Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley, Pete Wentz, and Joe Trohman are back to making excruciatingly long-titled music together. Oh that obvious FOB signature... Rumors had already been flying everywhere for the last few years, but PupFresh announced the reunion a few days before last Monday, with proof that the band would be playing on Jimmy Kimmel next week. Fans dismissed the announcement,


thinking the website was just looking for either publicity, or building on from the weird obsessive fans, who held tightly to the single thread of belief that the band was coming back together. A few days later, Wentz posted on his website: “When we were kids the only thing that got us through most days was music. It’s why we started Fall Out Boy in the first place. This isn’t a reunion, because we never broke up. We needed to plug back in and make some music that matters to us. The future of Fall Out Boy starts now.” Fortunately for crazed eighteen and nineteen year olds who have not seemed to let go of those dreadful teenage years, their fifth album is dropping on May 7, 2013, and is titled Save Rock and Roll. The first single My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light ‘Em Up), in which, PLOT TWIST, the title is actually relevant to the song. 2 Chainz also stars in the video, star-

ing off into the distance in the dark with his sunglasses, while Fall Out Boy drum kits, merchandise, and old albums are being thrown into the fire. All this to say “we’re back bitchez.” Getting concert tickets to the show has also proven to be a great parallel to The Hunger Games, with the chances of buying them being 1/60 in most cities. Stump has also referred to the amount of tickets that are getting scalped, telling his fans to be careful about buying tickets outside the venue or on untrustworthy websites. “To anybody who managed to get legitimate tickets to our shows, we’re so excited to see you. To the rest of you; We plan on being a band for a long time. Hopefully this isn’t your only chance to see us and hopefully by the time you do, there’s some better way to fight back against scalping,” he said. SRY H8RZ, FOB IS BAK. HOMAGEUD!

Photo credit: straightedgeworldwide

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master issue 15.:The Master 13-02-13 10:23 PM Page 9

9 VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013



Hola Dawsonistas!! Well the snow has been hitting us hard lately but that does not mean we should all hibernate and wear nothing but over sized hoodies… no matter how tempting that may sound! If you did happen to lock yourselves indoors hiding from the cold in your sweats this past weekend, hopefully you turned on your TV and watched the Grammys. Now that is what I call a great way to explore and observe this year’s trends. Sure Montreal’s fashion week was charming and full of talented Canadian designers, but nothing measures up to Hollywood’s hits and misses on the red carpet. Of course us Dawson students, strapped for cash shuffling through our wallet for petty change in the caf line, can’t really afford expensive haute couture that the stars strut around in. Nonetheless we can still take away a lot from the Grammys in terms of fashion tips that don’t always have to be detrimental to our savings accounts. For instance, scattered around the red carpet on Sunday night were millions

of fun and even simple up do’s. Ladies, the up do’s are in, whether it be a high bun on the top of your head, a loose soft bun with casual braids or a sleek pony. The radiant J.Lo, Beyoncé and Taylor Swift rocked those hairstyles, and you can too without breaking the bank or your strict time constraints for getting ready in the morning. A few other things we can take away from the stars are the ever so chic and sexy red lips. Slapping on a shade of bold red lipstick will make any ensemble look fancy, fun and fierce. The last look that I advise you to try out, like many of our beloved stars did, is the oh so fabulous soft beachy waves. It is simple yet stunning. Make that caf catwalk your red carpet!!!

Taylor Swift (again!) Photo credit:

Jim James Album Review

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The bearded badass


On Feb. 5, Jim James released his debut full-length solo album Regions of Light And Sound Of God, and this bearded badass makes a statement using groovy bass lines and mixing genres like soul and jazz with classic folk rock. James, frontman of the Kentuky-based band My Morning Jacket, named the album after Lynd Ward’s novel God’s Man. James produced the album, and he plays nearly every instrument on the record. The album begins with the mysterious “State Of The Art (A.E.I.O.U)”. It starts slow and smooth with a simple piano melody and airy vocals, and then develops into a richer, more upbeat, catchy tune as it hits the chorus. The song sums

up what to expect on the rest of the album… a fusion of jazz-like tones and new-age sounds, accompanied with a groovy bass line. “Know Til Now” is the first single that

Regions of Light And Sound Of God Photo credit:

was released. The jazzy 70s retro bass line complete with a thumping background beat give it a hopeful vibe, making it a punchy first single, although the track is lengthy, an entire six and a half minutes long. Some tracks are kept simple on the album much like “A New Life”. The semi-acoustic track is very easy to listen to but still has a soulful folk feel to it like every other song on Regions. It discusses taking a second chance on love, with echo-y lines such as “I think I’m really being sincere / I want a new life, a new life with you.” Unlike his much more indie-rock driven music with My Morning Jacket, Regions proves that James can stand apart from his band by creating a unique sound and blending multiple genres together in a seamless way. Ultimately, it is an album to groove to.

Playlist of the week Happy Valentine’s Day my little love birds - and to all my single ladies and gents, Happy Singles Day! In all honesty, I was never one to be big on relationships. I am that type of girl that dreams to grow up, graduate with stellar marks, become a working woman, kick everyone’s ass in my career and, if faith lets, marry some rich guy, make him sign a will so I may inherit all of his money when he dies, and “accidentally’ poison him with my cooking. I’M KIDDING, I’M KIDDING, I SWEAR, I’M KIDDING. I’m not a bitch - but seriously, Valentine’s Day is so commercial, and I believe that everyone should celebrate love as often as they can. So, here’s a few sweet treats for not only the lovers, but to those that know that treating oneself is needed every so often. Red Velvet Hot Chocolate Tipsy ¾ cup skim milk 2 tbsp cake flavored vodka (like Pinnacle) 1 tbsp chocolate vodka, or Amaretto, or Bailey’s 1 tbsp unsweetenevd coacoa powder 1 tsp instant cheesecake pudding mix (such as the jello brand) ¼ tsp vanilla red food coloring

In a sauce pan, pour the milk, both liquors, coacoa powder, pudding mix and vanilla. Mix well and bring to a simple boil. Add a few drops of the red food coloring and mix again for desired hue. If you want to add more, you could. Serves 1 Note: Please know that due to the alcohol and pudding mix this is REALLY not my style of recipes, it’s pretty unhealthy and high in carbs. So, if you want a healthier version, I would say substitute the liquor for more milk, or chocolate milk. Sugar hearts ½ cup sugar SUPER TINY heart cutter red/pink gel food coloring 1 tsp water petal dust Add petal dust to sugar and mix well until there’s a pink hue. Add a drop of the food coloring, and mix again until everything is colored. Add the water and again, mix. If you must, add another ½ tsp water, but you WANT it to be paste-y. Then, take the mixture and put it onto parchment paper. Create a flat surface with it and begin cutting out your miniature hearts with the

cookie cutter. The sugar heart should be inside the cookie cutter whenever you cut them. Simply tap them gently onto a plate and they should fall out easily. Let them stand out for them to harden up. Note: Shutup. Yes, another unhealthy recipe. Fuck you. JUST ENJOY THE LOVE, OKAY? GO MARRY A GUY WITH CASH AND YOU’LL BE HAPPY. Love you <33333 –hugglesRed Velvet Hot Chocoolaaet Tipsiiiiiie Photo credit:

Random Playlist:

1. I Found You - Alabama Shakes 2. Nightcall - Kavinsky (Breakbot Remix) 3. The Bay - Metronomy 4. Call Me In The Afternoon - Half Moon Run 5. Luna - Malajube 6. Carried Away - Passion Pit 7. Foudre - Karim Ouellet 8. Apartment - Young the Giant 9. The Cell - C2C 10. What You Do To Me - Blakroc Sugar hearts for your sweetheart

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the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant the plant

master issue 15.:The Master 13-02-13 10:23 PM Page 10

10 VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013

EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT:


The harsh metro lights, the smell of homeless people mixed in with diapers, the pissed-off expression on your face along with the sweat pouring down your nose, for some reason these situations seem to elicit a pick up; of the metro kind. Seeing as we are no longer part of the years when sailors stopped at our ports (at least not in old fashion terms…), our parents don’t set us up and our neighbours consist of Russian divorcees with no children and a love for sewing, rather than a handsome hunk ready to pay our way through secretarial school, it is more than difficult to find a match for ourselves. Where do the singles go to mingle? Instagram? Starbucks? A.A? I’ve sincerely become confused and worried about the dating scene of my generation. Excluding dating sites, because frankly, my Facebook ain’t nothing to brag about as it is, it’s getting a little tough knowing how to go about finding someone to date that I’ll actually like. After having talked to some of my friends about this, it seems as though many men have taken to the transportation scene to pick up new ladies. Ever felt that love-at-first-metro-elbowtouch? The one where you’re sitting down, maybe you’ve ping-pong-passed some looks across the claustrophobia-inducing cart. Perhaps it was over the bliss of mak-

Everyone needs a hoe

ing it in the metro right before the doors shut, breathing heavy… all that to say that this was most definitely not one of those moments. As I listened to music in my attempt, or should I say struggle, to appear aloof as I head-bobbed (rather than suffering an epileptic seizure), my leg grazed the stranger’s leg beside me. Oh… fuck. I decided to stop and lean back. In my language this is a clear “shit, didn’t mean that, won’t happen again”. This specific chap however, seemed to think this was my strange mating pattern. OH YES! Excuse


I recently found out that my neighbours (a seemingly happy couple) are brother and sister. They were really upfront about it when they told me they’re having an incestuous relationship. When I questioned them about kids (for fear of in-breeding) they told me that they couldn’t have kids, because one of them was sterile. It seems really weird. They’re grown-up, late 20s. Am I morally obliged to report it to the authorities? -CONFUSED IN CONNETICUT I think we do, at a certain point, have to challenge our idea of what is innately wrong. Infringing on the rights of others is, in this case, morally infeasible. What is the point of law? I’m going to try to skirt around the obvious “making it a law does not make something right etc. etc.” argument and look at the fundamental function of law. I’m not trained in law and inevitably, someone will disagree with me when it comes to what I’m about to say, but when it comes down to it I believe laws

are meant to facilitate the exchange of resources and skills by protecting the weak and the strong. The principle argument against incest is it’s for the better of everybody because it ensures a healthy gene pool. In a sense, this argument is implying that the laws that humans create are supposed to replicate and enforce natural law, which is kind of ironic, because society’s major function is to protect the weak, which in essence is going against the whole principle of natural selection. So pretty much, if you’re going make the argument that you’re preserving the gene pool, you’re going to have to make laws which promote eugenics and make sure that any “undesirable” trait doesn’t get passed down to the next generation. Also, no property laws because animals don’t own property. And no actual pools because animals don’t have actual pools (ponds maybe, but no concrete pools.) See, in order to preserve the gene pool, you’re going to have to get rid of actual pools, and that ain’t cool. I am in no way qualified to be an ethicist

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me, I forgot I was just released from the psych ward. Yes sir, this here is my demented version of bizarre metro foreplay. If that were the case, I owe a lot of very old women a lot of explanations. Suddenly, I heard mumbles over my music… Could. This. Actually. Be. Happening. “Sorry?” I said, already regretting the words. “Is that a Thanksgiving dish or something?” In my lap lied a cake covered in aluminum foil. I was on my way to a Thanksgiving dinner. There’s something about conversations with strangers… At least I,

personally, have a tendency to start inexplicably yelling as if they can’t hear me over the awkwardness. Oh, but he could definitely hear me, along with the entirety of the metro cart audience. As if the situation wasn’t uncomfortable enough, they allowed themselves to stare guilt-free as I struggled to speak. I nervously, and LOUDLY, explained that it was the ugliest cake I had ever made in my life. As he began to protest, I removed the tin foil to unveil a creamcheese-frosting-melted mess. Going with the theme of the get-together, I made a cake in the form of a pumpkin. Unfortu-

nately, I only then noticed that the pumpkin stem was oddly, but very obviously, shaped like male genetilia. As he slowly began to change the subject, he didn’t seem turned off (first warning sign?). I told him I was getting off on the next stop and he asked me for my name. I am the type who gets too overwhelmed and nervous to come up with an alias, so I embarrassingly repeated my last name five times, initially saying it too low so that other subway creepers wouldn’t pull out their own phones. I stumbled out with my cake in hands, red faced and bewildered. I walked to friend’s house questioning social dynamics, my potential psychological issues behind my cake formation, and my clothing choices. TING! That was my phone. Being late, I assumed it was my friend asking me where I was, oh but Susie, let me tell you, it was not. It was a Facebook friend request by non other than the eager metro-riding beaver. Eventually, our Facebook inboxes fizzled out. Maybe not his perfect ending, but his initial goal worked out for him I suppose. Perhaps he, and several others of these guys are on to something. I think confidence has been, and is, one of the most important parts of working the single life. Whether it is in line at the Apple store or at tams-tams on Mount Royal, talking to strangers is one way to prove your self-assured nature…showing someone your penis cake is another. The choice is yours.


Every year as February rolls around, two kinds of girls claim to be struck by cupid’s arrow. As honest of an event as it may be this time of year, the arrows I’m talking about are no ordinary arrows. We assume that being struck by cupid’s arrow means induced love for the first man in sight, but cupid is too conceited to send those through the air one day of the year. The arrows I’m talking about are deadly and provoke Valentine’s Day shock from such dangerously high Valentine’s Day fevers. Cupid arrogantly strikes women causing them to fall in love with the day of love itself. This distinguishes the two types of girls that emerge in circles of friends around the fabulous day that is February 14th. In each case of women suffering from the flying baby’s practical jokes, the symptoms are equally severe. The most obvious sufferers are the first breed of stricken women. These are the girls who are openly overjoyed that the day of love has come. Regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not, they will find a valentine. These girls will fulfill their wholehearted desire to have someone to call theirs. Everyone has encountered one of these lovely ladies. They’ve probably asked you once themselves if you would like to be

their temporary sweetheart. This girl knows no boundaries and has no shame in asking her best friend, her sister, her mom, her best guy friend. It doesn’t matter who it is, she is just suffering from one of the most serious side effects and needs someone to call her valentine as soon as possible. She probably loves the idea of receiving flowers and talks about her majestic expectations for Valentine’s Day non-stop for the entire day. The second group of casualties can be described as the complete opposite. This type of girl claims to hate the day with a passion. In reality she has been hit just as hard by the Valentine’s Day fever. It has caused the idea of Valentine’s Day to pollute her thoughts in a negative way. Commonly you might hear her say, “It’s just a consumerist excuse to sell flowers and chocolate.” Very commonly you may hear, “I don’t even like flowers and chocolate.” And very, very commonly she will say, “I don’t even want to be with a guy who waits for Valentine’s Day to buy me flowers and chocolate.”

i got the chillsies

Unfortunately at this point the sky high Valentine’s fever has taken over the area of the brain used to express true feelings. What they’re really trying to say is, “I love flowers and chocolate, please buy me flowers and chocolate.” Ladies, I’m here to tell you that there is a cure. You don’t have to fall victim to the so-called day of love time and time again. Cupid’s arrows are really not as powerful as girls think they are. What girls on Valentine’s Day always seem to forget is that it is possible to take the outcome of such an overrated day into your own hands. It is ultimately your decision if the fever completely takes over your mind or not. So girls, this Valentine’s Day if deep down you would love flowers and chocolate, just go out and get flowers and chocolate. If you think vodka is cheaper than a dinner for two, no one is judging you. Why not indulge in a little drinking with friends. On Valentine’s everyone is entitled to how important or unimportant it is to them. You are the only one who can decide if you’ll be miserable or not on February 14th.

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master issue 15.:The Master 13-02-13 10:23 PM Page 11

11 EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT:


VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013


Meth.: Slang for Methamphetamine. It will fuck you up... basically. Last week I told you the thrilling story about the first time I tried Ecstasy. Let’s skip ahead a few months. It is now the end of summer. School has started and I have a steady job at a restaurant that I’ve been at for a while. Let me tell you, the summer had been a wild one. It was a non-stop pillpopping party, needless to say I was quite sad that it was over. But I had come back to reality... somewhere along the 3 months of intoxication I had bleached my hair blonde and was starting to look a little bit worn and torn, but it was time to buckle down, get my head in my studies and return to being an honor-roll student by day and warrior by night. I was getting pretty tired of E. I was starting to develop a pretty strong tolerance to it which meant more to get high and they weren’t as intense as they used to be. So when I heard that a “friend” of mine had got his hands on some MDMA I got really excited. I called him up the second I found out and agreed to buy 10 of these bad boys for me and some actual friends. Now, I had never seen a pill of MDMA before so I was surprised by how big the pill was. From what I remember it was packed full of a white powder. Whatever. A drug is a drug. So I bought them and sold 2 to my friend Tony and kept the rest for myself. Me and Tony agreed we’d both pop them when I got off work, meet up and then go out and party. So off I skipped to work, happy as a clam with my new pills burning a hole in my pocket. Midnight rolled around and I clocked out of work. As I walked outside I called Tony. “We’re still on for tonight?” I asked, a massive shit-eating grin plastered on my face. “Yep! I’ll see you in 20 minutes. Let’s get popping!” I swallowed my pill and hopped on the metro. I showed up at our usual bar and found Tony sitting with other acquaintances. The pill was slowly starting to creep up on me. “Oh man this is going to be so much fun!” I gushed. “Uhhhh.....” Tony looked around shiftily then muttered “I didn’t.... take the pill.” My jaw dropped. “What?” I breathed stiffly. Not knowing whether to laugh or hit him in the face. “I didn’t take the pill. I have a bunch of shit to do tomorrow and can’t be downing.” “Why didn’t you tell me this before I

Laugh it up, fuzzball!



popped?!” “Uhhhh I forgot... Good Luck Velma.” And with that he got up and took the last metro home. So there I am brooding in the corner over a pint feeling the pill come on stronger and stronger when a bunch of my highschool friends come in. Stoked to see familiar faces I ran up to them. “Hey Girl!” We all hugged and shared a pint. Then I remembered. Two of the guys I worked with invited me out to party with them if I got bored with my friends. Interested to see what they did when they partied I sent them a quick text. They were up at Playhouse on Parc Ave. Me and 3 of my high school guy friends hopped in a cab to go meet them. At this point I am absolutely flying. My eyes are quaking, my palms are sweaty, my jaw is dancing a million miles an hour. At this point I fucking LOVE MDMA. I am higher than I’ve ever been. Feeling fantastic. Feeling absolutely downright alive. We get to Playhouse just as they were leaving. So me and my 3 friends decided to stay and dance. That only lasted about 30 minutes till one of my friends got too weirded out by the gay night they were throwing. So I called up my 2 coworkers and met them at The Belmont at another gay night event... (for some reason it seems every bar was hosting a gay night that night.) At this point my other 3 friends were all gay-ed out and wanted to go home. Also I think they were pretty tired of listening to me jabber away and bounce around. What can I say? I was fucking high. So there we were. Two beautiful gay men in the mid 20’s and me. A 16 year old in my first semester at CEGEP. (I skipped a year because I’m a mother fucking genius.) We left The Belmont at 3:00 a.m. Since none of us were tired we headed up to the after party in a really random building near the train tracks up near Van Horne. I remember there being no bath-

room, so you had to go outside, and there was all this random, beautiful artwork on the walls. Apparently it was an after party of some artist... I didn’t really care because they were playing minimal electronic music that I was really vibing on. As I danced I could feel waves of heat pulsing out of my limbs. I felt like I was shooting mothafuckin FIREBALLS out of my hands. Yeah. I felt pretty good. “Velma...What are you on exactly?” Jerry asked me with a sly grin on his face. “MDMA!” I exclaimed smiling like a child on christmas morning. “I want some MDMA!” Sam said to Jerry. They both nodded. “Stay here Velma, we’ll be right back.” Sam said. I danced until they came back about 5 minutes later. Sam handed me a beer and Jerry led the way down the fire escape outside. As we sat on the rusty steps they busted out their caps of MDMA. I looked at them and they looked NOTHING like what I had taken earlier that night. They opened the caps and made up 3 lines of the brown, crystallized powder. My mind was racing with what I could have taken earlier but I decided not to dwell on it too much and just enjoy the night and solve the mystery later. I snorted my line of MDMA... instantly a bad idea because it burns like sulfuric acid and the drip tastes about the same. So I washed out my mouth with the beer Sam had bought me. (God bless the man.) As we walked up into the party again I realized that we were all wearing black blazers, white shirts and black pants. I couldn’t help but feel super badass and strut into that party again like nobodies business. It felt great. We were a super hot crew that night. Then it was time to go home. They cabbed me to my front door at 6:00 a.m. I was a little pissed because I wanted to continue partying but they were both done and wanted to make sure I got

home safe. (In retrospect was really good because I was pretty fucked looking back on it.) So I layed in bed, not being able to sleep a wink, until noon when my friend Stacy asked me to come over. I got up, brushed my teeth and went to her house. Jittery hands, sleep deprived eyes, chewed up lips and all. [NOTE: No one, not even the Queen, looks good after a night of hard drug use. If you’re a superficial person then I recommend never trying drugs because you will be so sad at what you’ve done to your physical appearance later in life.] I showed up and thought I looked relatively normal but man, could I ever be farther from the truth. My 4 girlfriends all stopped talking when I walked in the door and instantly they could tell that I had done something a little more than my usual night out. “Velma... are you ok?” Stacy asked, concern lacing her voice. “Yeah I’m fucking dandy.” I said. Not sounding too good at all. I sat down on her living room floor. Laughing and crying all at the same time. My brain was absolutely fried. My friends all sat around me trying to act normal as they watched me roll around on the ground explaining the night before through sobs and fits of laughter. I looked fucking insane. All of them thought that I had finally gone off the deep end and broken my brain beyond repair. “Velma... don’t you have work today?” Janet asked. “Yeah... but only in 2 hours. It’s ok though. I’m just going to go in, pretend I’m sick and get sent home early.” “You have to call in. You can’t go to work like this. You’re absolutely fucked.” said Janet. I stopped and looked her dead in they eyes. Intensity washing over me. I stood up fast as a fox and screamed: “I AM NOT LYING TO THE RESTAURANT!” then ran out of the room and into the bathroom. As I’m in there consoling myself by splashing cold water over my face I hear

muffled discussion between my friends. Then the following conversation: “Hi, I’m Velma’s friend and I’m just calling in to let you know she’s sick and can’t come into work today.” Pause of silence. “Oh.... ummmm.... okay....” Pause of silence. “I’m sorry. I’ll let her know.” Another pause. “Thank you, Sorry. Have a nice day.” I stalked out of the bathroom. Face dripping with water and murder in my eyes. “What the fuck did you just do?” I breathed. “I think... I just got you fired...” Janet looked down. Blush coloring her face. “You... WHAT?! What did they say? Who did you talk to?!” I asked. Shaking from a combined mix of drug and anger. “Ummm.... your boss... he said to forget about your schedule for the rest of the week... and you have to go talk to him on Monday.” I was so pissed I just left the house. Monday morning rolled around and I had only slept about 5 hours since friday night. Every coffee brought back ghosts of the high and I still looked as cracked as Humpty Dumpty after he fell off the wall. This is where it finally hit that I had really fucked up this time and to never trust random friends selling random drugs. I was sitting in my 10:00 a.m. class and my healing cigarette burn on my wrist was starting to heal. As most burns do, it was getting itchy. Naturally I itched it. I also zoned out when I started itching and only came back to reality when my new buddy who was sitting beside me gasped and hit me. “Velma! Oh my fucking god! What in the HELL are you doing?!” He yell-whispered at me so the teacher wouldn’t hear. I looked at him super spaced out... Then looked down. I had dug a massive hole into my arm and it was gushing blood everywhere. My hand to my elbow were covered in my own hot blood. It was gross. I could see the blood pulsing out in a slow rhythmic fashion. My eyes grew wide as I realized what I had done. I raised my bloody arm into the air. The teacher looked at me... she knew I was a fuck up. “Miss.... I need to go to the bathroom.” Before she could respond I got up and gliding out of the class. All eyes on me as whispers passed behind me back. On further investigation my “friend” who sold me the pills ditched town because someone found out that what he was selling was actually Meth and getting a bunch of kids fucked. My bud Tony had heard what had happened to me and threw out his. As for me I flushed mine and will never do that junk again.

Photo credit:

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master issue 15.:The Master 13-02-13 10:23 PM Page 12

12 VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013

EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT:

Call me Doctor FIREEEEEECRACKERRSSSSSSSSS For those of you who have never heard of firecrackers (not the “lets blow them up” kind), you are in for a real treat. “Firecrackers” is the widely used street name for weed crackers. So lets talk about some of the pros and cons of edibles. First off, you don’t inhale any smoke, pretty key to eliminate any of the negative effects of weed. Secondly, you get the maximum potential of your weed when you eat it, a lot of the THC is destroyed by the heat of combustion and even of the remaining THC/cannabinoids that survive that, only a small percentage are absorbed into the lungs and go to the brain. With edibles, all of the THC is absorbed but slower. Certainly (in my experience at least) edibles obviously take a lot longer to kick in but get me much much higher than smoking alone. Another great thing about it is you don’t have to smoke to be high for hours on end, lets say your going somewhere for an extended period of time and you want to be high but smoking is out of the question, well kickback, munch on a cracker and you’ll be flying all day! What you need: -Peanut butter (I always use smooth rather than chunky, or Nutela.)

-Tin foil -Crackers (Any will do, avoid any with flavours) -Baking sheet -a knife for spreading. -WEED: the most important ingredient! I recommend anywhere from a .5 to a full gram depending on your personal tolerance, quality of the bud, and how long you actually want to be high, I’ve experimented with several dosages and have been high from 4-5 hours all the way up to a full 24 hour cycle. How To: -preheat over to 320 degrees (you can go a little higher or lower if you want but i recommend 320 since it is a good even not to high not to low temp for them to cook at) -Break up the weed as finely as possible. -For each firecracker you need two crackers. When I make them I usually make two firecrackers and split the weed in half, so as not to overload them with weed so they cook evenly, extract all of the THC, and do not burn. -Spread peanut butter over one side of each cracker. Spread evenly, not too thick or thin. Make it so that

there is an even layer across whole cracker. -Sprinkle weed in the middle of peanut butter on every cracker, press it gently into the peanut butter. Make it basically just one layer on each cracker, meaning do not put a mountain of weed on each one. All of the weed should be able to touch the peanut butter. -Sandwich two together gently, and twist slightly. -Patch up and seal around edges carefully with peanut butter so that there are no air patches and that no weed is exposed on the side. -Wrap the crackers in tin foil packages, and place crackers on the baking sheet and then into the oven. -Baking time ALL depends on the oven. I could give you an exact time, but anywhere from 15-25 minutes should work. Eyeball it. Check on the firecrackers as if they were your babies. When they are done the crackers should be toasty brown looking. They might look and smell a little burnt, that’s ok, just don’t let them get even close to dark brown. The peanut butter should look a little darker as well, it should have thickened and hardened a little bit, cementing (to an extent) the crackers together. Remove from oven and place on rack to cool. This is the worst part since you will be pretty anxious to eat them! But


When I look back on all the things that I do, I am never sure if I should laugh or cry. My mind is definitely one of a confused, stunted blonde girl. And it’s not like I did not try to improve my behaviour. Every day, I make a lot of effort to seem to have an average speed of understanding, but apparently I am a hopeless case. For example, last week I was going up the stairs in the metro. Earlier, I was hot, so I thought it would be a good idea to take off my coat and hold it in my hands. I

should not even use the word “thought”, because I could not have been thinking at that moment. My hands were also dealing with a steaming-hot cup of coffee, my lunchbox, a book, and my cell phone. So here I am, first one going up the stairs of metro Atwater at rush hour, trying to manage all my belongings in a somewhat elegant way, with my usual confused look in my eyes. At the very last stair, I do not lift my foot high enough, I trip, and then I am lying on the ground, still firmly holding on to my ex-cup of coffee. My schoolbag is over my head- I think that says enough on my situation. All this is too much for me to handle. My instant reflex is to get back on my feet and to run away when a very nice guy

asks me if I am hurt. I am now walking very fast, convincing myself that I did not block everybody and most of them probably did not notice my near death experience. Suddenly I realize that my right shin feels like it was divided in a million pieces. I am still at the front of the crowd, and I begin to limp, once again slowing down all the hurried workers and students. The objects I was holding are dangling from my arms, and it basically seems like a thrift shop exploded, and the remains landed on me. During the rest of the day, I made my best to act normally, although I spotted a huge coffee stain on my left arm a few hours later. Public transportation is a risky place for a blonde.

letting them cool is important, since while they are still piping hot, they are still extracting THC from the weed. They don’t have to be stone cold, you can eat them when they are just barely warm. From then, it usually takes me about half an hour to start feeling high. The high from edibles is pretty different from a smoking high, it is more of a body high. The first sign they are working is in your eyes, lights start to have an extra glow, etc. Then gradually you start to realize that you are stoned. It’s great, but also different. They aren’t for everyone, as it can be a more anxious/paranoid high since it is so intense and long. The only time I was TOO high in my life was from firecrackers (24 hours, including an 8 hour sleep session, and going to work for 8 hours). ***Disclaimer, depending no how red your eyes get when you smoke weed, generally the redness will be drastically more intense***. Get high and be merry Dawson, Dr. Greenthumb

OVERHEARDS POPE EDITION Confused guy: Without the pope, who’s going to rule the galactic empire?

Quizzical young man: He’s quitting because he’s sick? Why doesn’t he just pray for better health?

Other guy: You know why he’s quitting, right? To spend more time with the kids. Another guy: At least he’s keeping true to Catholic tradition: pulling out at the last second. Sad girl: The pope was actually my homie tho.

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master issue 15.:The Master 13-02-13 10:23 PM Page 13

13 EDITOR: Daniel Sailofsky CONTACT:

VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013

Betray Boston, and they don’t forget it JOSHUA BATEMAN CONTRIBUTOR

On June 28 2007 Ray Allen was traded from the Seattle Supersonics to the Boston Celtics. Shortly after, on July 31 2007, Kevin Garnett was traded from the Minnesota Timberwolves to the Boston Celtics. These two superstars joined Paul Pierce to mark the beginning of a new era in Boston. Led by esteemed coach Doc Rivers, and with help from (then) rising star point guard in Rajon Rondo, the Boston Celtics were ready to take the NBA by storm. They did not have to wait for success, winning the NBA championship in 2008 and making the finals two years later. The next year did not go as well for the Celtics, losing in the in the Eastern Conference Semifinals. With 34 years old Pierce, 35 years old Garnett and 36 year

old Allen, people around the NBA began to doubt the Boston Celtics, claiming they were too old to keep up anymore. As Boston found themselves two games under .500 at last year’s All Star Break, the league collectively thought the nail had been put in the Celtics coffin. Not quite yet. The Celtics turned it around in the second half of the season, taking the eventual champion Miami Heat to the brink of elimination in the Eastern Conference Finals. Unfortunately, Lebron went superhuman and the Heat dispatched Boston’s Big Three. After the loss the speculation began surrounding the expiring contracts of both Garnett and Allen. Ray Allen cemented his career with the Boston Celtics. During his time with the Celtics, Allen was named an All Star all but one year. Allen set countless shooting records durKG isn’t having any of that shit

ing his time in Boston, even breaking Reggie Miller’s three point record, hitting his 2561st trey ball. Most importantly, in 2008, he won an NBA championship. It was becoming clear that the future Hall of Famer was getting close to reserving himself a permanent spot in Boston Celtic history, a history that includes an NBA high 17 championships. About a month after last year’s loss to the Heat, after Garnett and Rondo were scolded for storming off the court without shaking hands with the Miami Heat, Garnett was offered a three-year contract extension and Allen a two year, $12 million dollar deal. Garnett signed his contract immediately, all but assuring he would finish his career with the Celtics. Ray Allen took another route. He opted to turn his back on the Celtics and take a three-year, $9 million dollar offer from the Miami Heat, the same team

Basketball roundup Men’s Division 1

that just devastated all of Celtic nation. To leave the Celtics the way Ray Allen did was indefensible. When Garnett was asked if he had spoken to Allen since his departure, he responded: “I don’t have Ray Allen’s number anymore. I’m not trying to communicate”. Now that’s a true Celtic. Following this, Garnett gave Ray Allen the cold shoulder when he came to shake hands in his first game against the Celtics. Garnett, like every other Celtic, felt betrayed. Some people may come out and defend Ray Allen, but I just find it impossible to associate class and dignity with a person who turned his back on the coaches, players and fans who helped define his Hall of Fame career. If we’ve learned one thing from this ordeal, it’s that Allen did never bled Celtic

blood. It was only a matter of time until he would abandon the greatest franchise (in my opinion) in the NBA, for a cushy little role in Miami where he could relax and ride the coat tails of LeBron James. No one will ever be able to take away Ray Allen’s records. And, in due time he will be recognized for these accomplishments with his induction into the Hall of Fame. However, the most significant aspect of these achievements is that they are individual, and that is all Ray Allen will ever be. He will surely go down in history as one of the greatest shooters of all time. But in leaving his team, Allen blew an opportunity at something more than individual glory. He blew the opportunity to go down in history as a Boston Celtic. (All stats courtesy of

Women’s Division 1 Dawson College, February 8th- Dawson Blues 80, Champlain Cavaliers 56 The Dawson women cruised to another win last Friday, beating the Cavaliers handily. Cayla Cruickshank, Jennifer Silver, Sophie Beaudry and Sarah St Fort all finished in double figures to lead a balanced Blues’ offence. Dawson College, February 10th- Dawson Blues 74, Edouard Montpetit Lynx 52 The Blues’ strong second quarter set the tone as Dawson cruised to another easy win. Dawson stayed in control from start to finish as Victoria Maughan and Aurelie Leblanc-Florent led the way with 17 and 15 points, respectively. Record: 15-0 (1st place)

Men’s Division 2


Photo Credit:

College Marie Victorin, February 10th- Dawson Blues 82, Marie Victorin 50 The Blues beat up on a hapless Marie Victorin squad last Sunday, jumping into third place after the big win. Record: 8-4 (3rd place)

Women’s Division 2

Dawson College, February 8th- Dawson Blues 81, Champlain Cavaliers 73 The Blues pulled out a big home win last Friday, upsetting the first place Cavaliers to improve their record to 9-7. Brandon Robinson led the way with 22 points and four assists while going 10-12 from the free throw line. Dawson also got contributions from Jordan Aquino and Kiari Gerba, who added 18 and 15 points respectively, and point guard Kurt Caro, who finished with a season high eight assists.

No games this week. Record: 5-5 (6th place)

Dawson College, February 10th- Dawson Blues 76, Edouard Montpetit Lynx 67 Dawson rodea strong second half to another important win last Sunday afternoon. The Blues benefitted from a balanced attack with five players finishing the game in double figures. Cedric Sanogo led the team with 15.

College Trois-Rivieres, February 10th- Dawson Blues 67, Trois-Rivieres Diablos 65 The Blues survived a scare from the Diablos last Sunday, edging past Trois-Rivieres on the road. Dawson advanced to 10-1 on the season. With four games remaining, the Blues only need one more win to clinch first place in the South-West conference.

Record: 10-7 (5th place)

Men’s Division 3

Record: 10-1

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master issue 15.:The Master 13-02-13 10:23 PM Page 14

14 VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013

EDITOR: Daniel Sailofsky, Jacob Cohen CONTACT:

Dawson men lose another tight game STEPHANIE HADRILL CONTRIBUTOR

Another unfortunate loss for the Blues, but it did not come without effort. The team came back from a 3-0 deficit in second period to within one of tying it

Pitre feeding Forresta for a one-teezy

up against the Sorel-Tracy Rebels. The game started with not much action, and the Rebels scored the game’s first goal at 6:25 of the first period.

The Blues were down 2-0 going into the second. Forty-four seconds into the second frame, The Rebels to make the game 3-0. With two periods to go, the game appeared to be already over. The Blues were not down for long though. Forward Juliano Lemme, scored the first goal for the Blues with assists from defensemen Yanni Kaldis and Daniel Dufour. Soon after, defenseman Brandon Woods made a great play to save a goal when he stopped the puck from going in the net, blocking the shot from the Rebels with his body. Goaltender Timothy Shaw had a good game overall, stopping flurries shots when they came. On a number of penalty kills, Shaw made sprawling saves to help keep his team in it. The team didn’t make it easy for Tim though. “We definitely need to work on creating less traffic in front of the net,” said Adamo Foresta. While the Blues were short-handed, David Montgomery lost his stick and was unable to retrieve it. Making a great play, Montgomery slid the loose puck down to the Rebels’ end allowing him to recover his stick. His action caused an uproar from the Rebels’ fans. The third period started very quickly with a great pass from Montgomery to

Matti Parnanen, cut the Blues’ deficit in half. As the third period went on with no goal and a 3-2 score, the Blues pulled their goalie for the last minute of play. The Blues had several opportunities to score the equalizer. Unfortunately, they couldn’t put one in and the game ended 3-2. Both Adamo Foresta and Jesse Farinaro believe that the team needs to keep a positive attitude throughout their games as well improve communication. The Blues currently sit at eight place with an 8-16-2 record. With a comfortable 9 point lead on last placed Thetford, it’s fairly safe to say that a playoff round is comfortably in the Blues’ sights, albeit an eighth placed one right now. Many of the Blue’s remaining games are against top placed teams, so the Blues will have to turn in a couple of great performances to climb out of the cellar. Come out and support the Blues when they play next. The Blues take on first placed Andre Laurendeau on Saturday at 8:30pm. In their previous game, Dawson got drubbed by Laurendeau 7-1, and will surely be looking for some redemption.

Photo Credit: Jacob Cohen


First it was Vinsanity, then it was Chris Bosh, and now the Rudy Gay era has officially started in Toronto. The Raptors sent beloved long time point guard Jose Calderon alongside young blossoming power forward Ed Davis for the well known, clutch shooting Gay.

In his first four games as a Raptor, Gay has poured in 97 points while asserting himself as a team leader and goto guy. In Friday’s game against the Indiana Pacers, with the Raps down by 2 with seconds left on the clock, Gay used his superb athleticism and hand eye coordination to steal the Pacers’ inbounds pass, promptly feeding the ball to Amir Johnson to hit a game tying shot as time expired.

Aaaaaand boom goes the dynamite...welcome to TO Rudy

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Then, with the clock winding down in overtime Gay hit a game winner of his own to beat the Pacers, 100-98. Welcome to the era of unbridled optimism. Bryan Colangelo has made big moves since his inception as the team’s General Manager in 2006, and things are finally looking like they may actually pan out. Colangelo has built up a decent network of maturing young players, including Terrance Ross, Jonas Valanciunas, Demar Derozan, Amir Johnson, and Kyle Lowry, while also surrounding them with savvy vets like John Lucas III and Alan Anderson. With the acquisition of Rudy Gay the Raptors now have their nucleus; Gay can help the Raps get over the playoff hump and contend in the NBA’s increasingly weak Eastern Conference. With the season already half way over, it’s probably too late this year for Toronto to make a push, but that’s okay with us fans; we can wait ‘till next year. I’m sure Colangelo needs all the time he can get to figure out how to get rid of the decaying shell of a carcass known as Andrea Bargnani (32.1 million dollars of salary over the next two years) anyways. The Raptors finally have a talented player that will put butts in the seats, hope in our hearts, and hopefully a few more W’s in the standings. From Raptors fans everywhere, welcome to The Big Smoke, Rudy. Swag? Most definitely ON

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master issue 15.:The Master 13-02-13 10:23 PM Page 15

15 EDITOR:Daniel Sailofsky, Jacob Cohen CONTACT:

VOL. 41 ISSUE 14 - Thursday, February 14, 2013


by Zach Silberberg



Whereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Llama?

H o r o s c o p e s Aquarius January 20 to February 19 True friendship is knowing when to let someone go. So go down to your basement and release the hostages. This has gone on long enough. If you were born on FEBRUARY 14TH: I am so, so sorry for you. Also born today: lonely people who regret being born today.

Pisces February 20 to March 20 Tell the person you love the most how you feel about them. Also tell the person you hate the most how you feel about them. If they are kind of scary, do it quickly and run away. Give the person about whom you feel the most indifferent a pomegranate. Then take it away from them before they can eat it and give it to someone you don't know. Find all of your close friends and tell them all individually that they are each your BEST friend. Then throw them all into an ancient Roman coliseum and yell down that you hope your best friend will win. Watch them fight. Eat a pomegranate.

Gem ini May 21 to June 20 There are a lot of problems in your life. But getting mad at them won't solve anything. Instead, just ignore them. Maybe they'll go away, like that rash that you think is getting bigger but maybe it's just the lighting.

March 21 to April 19 If at first you don't succeed, try again. Keep trying. Try so many times. People will stare at you and think, "Wow, they have failed so much it's really weird that they're not giving up," but don't listen to them, unless the thing you are trying to do is listen to criticism.

Taurus April 20 to May 20 There is good news in your future! It might be a new job opportunity, getting into the university you wanted, or not getting your house broken into by meth-addicted homeless men trying to steal your valuables. One of them is named Clem.-

September 23 to October 23 Your life is overly complicated. Instead of trying to deal with all of the issues in your life, focus on the issues of others. Mock them for not being able to solve their problems. Make them feel bad about themselves so you can feel better about your own tumultuous existence. You monster.

Cancer June 21 to July 22 You're going to get lucky this Valentine's Day. But not in THAT way. Go to a casino or play the lottery or something.

Scorpio October 24 to Novermber 22 Duck! Duck now!

Leo Aries


July 23 to August 22 You have recently made a mistake and are regretting it. Don't fret. Soon you will realize that petty mistakes are so insignificant that it's really not worth lying awake in bed thinking about something stupid you did. Because then you'll be too tired the next day and will fall asleep in class and your teacher will look at you disapprovingly (I'm really sorry Mr. Sullivan).




August 23 to September 22 Crying is healthy and natural. Don't feel ashamed if you need to let it out, be it for happy or sad reasons. Unless you live in a small community wherein showing one's emotions is grounds for ostracism and/or death.

Novermber 23 to Dec 21 Why did you throw that thing at your Scorpio friend? That was not very nice of you. You are a piece of shit, so sayeth the stars.

December 22 to January 19 You need to rethink a serious decision you have just settled upon. It may have not been the best thing for you to do. Choose something else instead so your life does not spiral into an endless vortex of woeful regret.

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master issue 15.:The Master 13-02-13 10:24 PM Page 16

happy Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s day

Vol.41, Issue 14  

winter 2013

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