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VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief Lex Herrington Managing Editor Sarine Moumdjian News Editor Sam Nazer International News Editor & CUP Liaison Devon Walcott Arts & Culture Editor MJ Cromp Voices Editor Justin Giglio Sports Editor Dan Sailofsky Jacob Cohen Graphics & Comics Editor Olivia Gilbey Head Copy Editor Web Editor Super Happy Crazy Fun Page Monika Cefis

letter from the editor Hello Dawson! My name is Sarine. I’m the production manager for your student newspaper. I work behind the scenes, aaaand Alexandra Herrington gets all the credit for it. I’ve been involved with the paper for 3 semesters now (this being my last semester). It has been, at times (possibly 90% of ‘em), dreadful, tiring, long, annoying, and weird as fook. But I’ve loved every single second of it. According to the law, I’m not allowed to harass students (well... anyone) to write articles for us. So, hopefully, by reading this sappy, cheesy-ass letter, you’ll feel a twinge of sympathy for all of us here. Maybe even enough to send us some awesome articles?

If I had the chance, I would push more people to write for us, because being in the Plant has probably been one of the greatest experiences of my life. I am being a huge cheeseball right now, but during this last week, I’ve come to realize that I’ll be moving on from our incredibly magical paper, and will be going to McGill. Although, I’m happy enough to be finishing with Dawson, I regret not enjoying my time here even more. I’m gonna miss the shit out of every aspect concerning the Plant. I’ve met my second family here, amongst my hipster friends, and the dirty piles of shit this office has accumulated over the decades. I did not know what to expect when I got myself into this… I honestly thought it was a huge mistake when

table of contents Copy Editors Naomi Silver-Vézina Graphic Designer Catherine Mcrae

Contributors

News

Int. News

Arts

Voices

Sports

S.H.C.F

I walked into the first day of class (when the Plant was still a class… thanks for that by the way, Dawson). As the weeks went on, I came to befriend some of the people in the class. Let me just interrupt this story here: I come from a small community of Armenians, and I experienced the greatest cultural shock in the history of my 19-year life. Coming into Dawson was like stepping into a completely different world. I didn’t know how to approach people. I was probably the most socially awkward person ever… I probably still am... and not in the cute way.

everyone here, even if I wanted to. Becoming a production manager, I’ve grown a lot closer to the people working with me. They’ve put up with my loudness (I know you lurves that), my countless miaw-ing, my two-minute dramatic moments over the smallest things, and have even helped me through my worst times. I’ve grown more and more each day, and learnt so much from everyone involved. Thanks for that. Aly, Sam, Devon, Monika, Daniel, MJ, Justin, Jacob, Oliver, Gabe, I love you guys! <3

During my time as an editor, I’ve built a tight-ass of a relationship with everyone in the office. I couldn’t forget the times I spent with

speak your mind. write for us.

Marc-Anthony Cadieux, Zach Silberberg, Joshua Gabert-Doyon, Claire Lecker, Meaghan Westover, Margarita Bozhinova, Joel Chiasson, Laurence Deslauriers-Chouinard, Jesus, Maya Bobrove, Marni Williams, Cory Schneider, Joshua Bateman

the plant office: 2.C10

- SM.

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3 EDITOR: Sam Nazer CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

Dawesome’s difficult victory

Sarah Drouin, Chaiperson of DSU on the left

OLLIE LUSRTERIO-ADLER STAFF WRITER

The Dawson Student Union (DSU) elections were held from April 2 to April 4 in the lower Atrium where over 530 Dawson students actively voted between “Dawesome”, lead by chairperson Sarah Drouin, or “Dawson United” directed by chairperson Morgan Crockett, which ultimately determined, through popular vote, who would be running the student union the following year. After two weeks of campaigning and a budget of $50 per candidate, the election process began April 1. The voting period lasted three days. Votes could only be submitted if current Dawson students presented proper ID cards to those in charge of the voting polls. On the last day of voting at 6:30 pm, all members were supposed to show up to ballot counting in order to overview and double check the results. After all the ballots had been counted, the winning team was announced and the next morning, the winners became official to the public. Unfortunately, there were complications, which resulted in confusion amongst campaigners and Dawson students alike. According to the current DSU’s Facebook (fb) post, Dawsome had won the election based on the ballot count a lone. Over 60% in all categories, except in Internal Affairs & Advocacy, were Dawesome elected. Alas, the Chief Executive Officer had soon disqualified the Dawesome Party for going over their budget by $8. “…[We] calculated, recalculated and rere-calculated our expenses and we still come under budget,” stated Drouin. According to Dawesome, there was confusion with the print shop since they were denied access to official receipts. “WE were led to believe that the TOTAL they gave us included taxes,” justified the Party in one of their fb posts after receiving the unfortunate news. “It was just a misconception of the meaning of total versus sub-total.” Dawesome made an appeal against their disqualification and were waiting to hear back from the appeals committee on Monday. “Maybe there’s a way around it but we don’t really want to set an example for a year of rule breaking. Respecting the decisions of the majority, yes, and sadly sometimes you have to break rules to satisfy the people you represent,” explained

Photo credit: dsudawesome2013.wordpress.com

Drouin. Meanwhile, Dawson United publicly posted their unofficial automatic win. Although the Party had said to find it “deeply saddening” that Dawesome was disqualified for going over budget, they went on to state that rules are rules and made multiple accusations about the op-

the point where they could not enter the office and collect resources as the other team [Dawesome] could”. Dawesome, in defense, explained that they were somewhat offended and amused by Dawson United’s allegations. Drouin informed the public that on all their other receipts, except on the biggest expense

for us?” she retorted. Concerning the poll clerks who supposedly broke the rules and the claimed bullying from the current DSU members in charge, Drouin said that it was not the poll clerks who were telling students who to vote for, but instead, friends of the poll clerks. Either way, no one is allowed to stand or hang around the polling station during elections aside from the polling clerks. Pertaining to the bullying, the chairperson rationalized that it was only “interpreted as bullying” and the current DSU were not tackling any specific Party or individuals. With all mud slinging put aside, both teams concluded that they were fed up with how the electoral campaigns were run and in some ways, corrupt. When asked whether Dawson United won fair and square, Crockett responded by saying that it is hard to comment on. “We did not win the campaign. Campaigning was not fair.” When asked whether they won the "election" fair and square, she responded by saying that overall, the election process was tampered with and compromised. “If either side wins, it will not be fair.”

not to blame. “Under stress of campaigning and elections, the $8 must have been taxes.” Posted the current DSU executives. As a result, Dawesome rightfully took first place. Heads up for next year: Dawesome’s main goal is to obtain more free space for the Dawson population, become more ecofriendly and install at least one genderneutral bathroom. They are planning on introducing a student-run lounge café in order to encourage healthy and ecofriendly lifestyles. This would be the place to host events, art exhibitions and music shows. The café would sell fair trade snacks, teas and coffees, offer chilling places on couches and finally, you would be able to use new microwaves that actually have the capability to heat up food! Dawesome wants to promote composting and reusable water bottles and lunch containers by ridding the water bottles being sold in the vending machines at school and by fighting for the right of the school to use recycled paper. Finally, a gender-neutral bathroom would be installed in order to make trans*

…[We] calculated, recalculated and re-re-calculated our expenses and we still come under budget,” stated Sarah Drouin. According to Dawesome, there was confusion with the print shop since they were denied access to official receipts. posing Party. “Being unaware that there are sales taxes is not an excuse. Especially when sales taxes were included on everything else on their budget - except on their biggest expense.” They went on to question how many of the votes were illegitimate: “…because Dawesome was able to give out a free breakfast and more free candies, which attracted more students to their table…” Dawson United also mentioned how they were unimpressed with the behavior of poll clerks who “told students how to vote” and how the current executives were bullying Dawson United candidates “to

(which were the posters) the total always included taxes. “It is very insulting to see that Dawson United takes us for stupid little girls,” responded Drouin. She added that her Party had clearly asked for the total, but the cashier gave them the subtotal. However, Dawesome has no official proof that the prices that they were given were right or not. Drouin went on to tackle the fact that although Dawson United did not say that the free candies and bagels were the cause of Dawesome’s win, they sure insinuated it. “How can a few candies and bagels attract the hundreds of students that voted

On Monday, after the rightful appeal took place, it became official that there was in fact a miscalculation due to a statement by an employee at “Rubiks”. This ecofriendly printing company that both teams were required to do business with, made an honest human mistake. The appeals committee acknowledged that the $14 charge was unrightfully placed under Dawesome's total when it should have gone to Dawson United's total. Jessee Tinslay, treasurer of Dawesome, whose duty was to keep all records of expenses of the Union as well as prepare the financial statement for the general assembly, was

people, intersex people, and gender queer people more comfortable. “One out of around 200 people do not identify with a specific gender,” informed Camelia Melillo, Director of Communication and Mobilization of Dawesome. “We would like to make everyone feel accommodated,” added Marie-Pier Foisy, Deputy Chairperson. The DSU, located in room 2F.2, is open to the entire (10,000-Dawson-student) population. They welcome any comments, opinions, recommendations, and ideas about how to help shape Dawson into the Cegep that you want.

Photo credit: dsudawesome2013.wordpress.com

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4 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: Sam Nazer CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

How to stem violence JOSHUA GABERT-DOYON STAFF WRITER Since it was adopted in June 2008, Dawson’s Policy to Stem Violence, Discrimination, Harassment and the Abuse of Power has remained unrevised, and many think it’s time for some changes. "We have a lot of people that go on stress leave, more than the college would want to admit," Rod Charters, president of the Dawson Support Staff Union says. Charters, a Library Technician who has worked at Dawson for three decades, is displeased with the way complaints are being handled. He believes that the lack of a transparent policy for dealing with these complaints has caused a significant amount of “mistrust.” Charters insists that Dawson College doesn’t have an especially high amount of external conflicts and complaints compared to other CEGEPs, although the consolidation of several different policies isn’t ideal: “at John Abbott they have one [policy] for sexual harassment, one for physical harassment, that kind of thing should be done because they're very distinct kinds of harassments,” he says. "Human resources department is not here for the benefit of all the resources, it's here for the benefit of the college, the functioning of the college," Charters said, adding that an external third party organization, like Groupe Santé PHYSIMED, which provides professional health services for the Employee Assistance Program, “would be more objective in receiving complaints and dealing with them.” Charter’s doesn’t seem optimistic: “The college doesn't want us telling them what we think they should be doing," he says, visibly frustrated. Terry Brennan’s large, well lit, office has a set of shelves filled with organized binders and technical human-resource reading material. Brennan is the Director of Administrative Services at Dawson and held an “advisorary role” in the drafting of the Policy to Stem Violence. He con-

Photo credit: http://montrealmosaic.com

“Victims of violence lose control of the situation,” McCready says, “that’s what happens with violence, you lose control for a certain time […] one step in treating a victim of violence is to give them more control over what’s happening.”rather die than remain in the purgatory of indefinite detention.”

firms that the Policy hasn’t been revised since its adoption, although he adds that it “doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be revised.” He doesn’t share Charters opinion on the size of the policy, stating that having separate policies and processes for different types of harassment would be “confusing.”

“The policy states that in the very first instances complaints should be handled in an informal way […] many of the complaints I never hear about and would not be recorded,” in fact, Brennan claims he’s delegated his position on the Committee to Soula Tsfarus, Coordinator of Human Resources. External investigators have

been hired in the past, Brennan explains, but not to the same extent that Charters described. “Whenever the college hires an outside investigator, its always up to the college to decide what to do with the report of the investigator,” says Brennan. Cathy Beaton, who’s been through the

process for complaints guided by the Policy, cites concern with the strict confidentiality of complaints and the propensity for groundless complaints, although she notes that Brennan offered her a sincere apology for the stress caused by the incident she was involved in. School nurse Genevieve McCready sits on the Committee to Stem Violence, and is working with others to revise the Policy. McCready’s main qualms with the Policy has to do with it’s accessibility: in her opinion, the Policy is “difficult to understand,” and hard to find on the Dawson website. “Right now the process is a bit too narrow and is not leaving any choices for the victim,” McCready says, speaking about the obstacle-ridden course that must be taken when filing and dealing with complaints. “Victims of violence loose control of the situation,” McCready says, “that’s what happens with violence, you lose control for a certain time […] one step in treating a victim of violence is to give them more control over what’s happening.” The lack of quantitative data about complaints is preventing the Committee from make effective changes to the Policy, McCready explains. Committee meetings are not regularly scheduled: there have been two since August, and none this term. Posters “publicizing” the policy has been the limit of the Committee’s actions, McCready says. Dawson’s nurse, who’s been on the Committee for four years, has also yet to see the “quantitative data” which is supposed to be released annually by the Director of Administrative Services, information she says would be imperative to improve the way the school deals with situations of abuse. The policy was born out of good intentions, McCready says, but after some five years without change, the policy is not what it could be. “The policy should be more directed as to how complaints are dealt with. There should be papers filled out, there should be a report filed to the committee that includes quantitative data,” McCready says.

Social Media & Technology AMANDA ETHRNIA XINOS CONTRIBUTOR

People are permanently logging off their social media accounts. We credit the creators of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and MySpace for their advancements in communication but, every good thing comes to an end when it is used in excess. Within the last year there has been a diminishing amout of people who can be found on social media. In fact, some people are avid supporters for the fall of social media, stating that people should refrain themselves from being enslaved to these sites. These supporters claim them to be unhealthy as this technological progress

has been linked to addiction characteristics. It is nearly impossible to complete daily routines without consulting some form of social media. This behaviour itself should raise a red flag. Being addicted to technology has been associated with anxiety, stress, depression and suicide. However, a new trend may be helping our generation tech have more self control. People have grown tired of constantly having their lives broadcast online. Having social media accounts requires constant attention and upkeep, it takes away from actual experiences. Technology has almost deteriorated the form and art of human interaction. Brianna Devouge is a communications specialist, she has worked with people who work in the media industry and is a part

time counsellor, working with the youth of Montreal. “With my line of work, I definitely see a lot of cases where the reason for these kids being miserable is social media sites. I’ve seen cases where the depression gets so out of control that it has lead to suicide...it’s sad.” According to Brianna, there is hope, “In my other line of work I actually get to see some good in all of this, people are realizing that there is no need to be on these sites. I notice more and more people that rather just not be on them” says Brianna. Evan Carile is a high school student, he has every social media account out there, ranging from YouTube to Facebook, he even considers himself to be “a self proclaimed addict.” Recently, Evan found himself to permanently delete every one of his accounts, “I got so fed up...how I become so obsessive, how my Facebook ac-

count would be responsible for changing my mood. All it ever was for me was drama – enough was enough.” Asiel Dominguez Vals is a student as well as social media applications developer. His job description consists of developing applications that entice people. He himself does not take part in social media, “You would never find me on Facebook, or Twitter for that matter. I develop these applications but the thought of having my life online for everyone to see kind of repulses me” he says. When it comes to the diminishing of these social media, “I believe that this is just a phase that people are going through, there was never really a transition into social media, it just happened suddenly. People are still just intrigued and fascinated, it’ll pass over, when something new catches on, people will be

on to the next one.” Technology should not play such an important role in our lives, according to The Technium, “Technology should be reduced as much as possible because it is contrary to nature, and/or to humanity, and/or to technology itself.” The article makes a great statement about the negative effects, “Technology erodes human character. It separates us from nature, which diminishes our natural self. Out of touch with nature, we behave selfishly, stupidly. We become consumers instead of receivers. We become artificial. At the extreme we behave like machines. Technology makes us greedy, unhappy, impatient, insensitive and full of hubris.” For the benefit of our society’s individual health, here’s to hoping that this new trend is here to stay. Cheers!

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5 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: Devon Wallcott CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

U.N. calls for Guantanamo closure KRISTIANA ALANCIA-SHAW STAFF WRITER This past week, United Nations human rights chief Navi Pillay has called for the closing of the U.S. naval base in Cuba. She states the camps must be shut down, as they are “a clear breach of international law.” Pillay criticized the detention centre’s indefinite incarceration of prisoners and considers it “severely undermines the United States’ stance that it is an upholder of human rights.” Of the 166 inmates, most are being held without charge. Only nine have been convicted or charged for their suspected crimes. More than half of the imprisoned have been cleared for transfer to either their native countries or third countries. Despite this, many have been “festering in this detention centre for more than a decade.” The eighty-six approved for transfer have been unjustly detained for years, despite posing no threat to the US. Approximately fifty-six are Yemenis, but are denied release to their home country in fear of falling under the influence of belligerent powers against America. Forty-six of the detainees are subject to indefinite detention for either being too dangerous to release or the administration lacking the evidence or resources to prosecute them. Their lacking a fair trial is

Detainees bound outside the detention center

Photo Credit: pulseamerica.co.uk

According to the New York Times, many would “rather die than remain in the purgatory of indefinite detention.” seen as a violation of international human rights laws. Many prisoners have resorted to hunger strikes to display their frustration of being continually detained without charge. They remain in a state of despair in the face of the uncertainty of their prosecutorial limbo. Since February, the US govern-

ment has stated 40 individuals have taken to the strikes. Defense lawyers of the detained have claimed up to 130 strikers within prison walls. According to the New York Times, many would “rather die than remain in the purgatory of indefinite detention.” So far eleven hunger strikers in critical condi-

Floods in Argentine MINA MAZUMDER STAFF WRITER Catastrophic flash floods in Argentina killed 57 victims as of April 3rd. On the evening of April 1, an unexpected heavy rainstorm hit the region of Buenos Aires Province. The damage has been its worst in the region of La Plata, where rain fell about 400mm within two days and had 51 people killed and others being homeless or missing. The six people who were killed in Buenos Aires included an old woman who was drowned inside her home and a train worker who was electrocuted while struggling to pump water from a flooded station. Heavy rainfalls consequently brought flash floods and power outages. Residents decided to evacuate from the flooded spaces after their properties have been severely damaged or destroyed. Overall, about 100,000 homes were destroyed by the flash floods. It is said to be the heaviest April storm in a century for Argentina. Many victims of the tragedy were either drowned or electrocuted while struggling to find shelter in the suburb of Tolosa, an area within the provincial capital of La Plata. Several cars were flooded to their rooftops and large amounts of water overflowed the windowsills of many houses in La Plata. Victims were filled with chest-high water, and therefore police teamed up with neighbours using rubber

motorboats to aid in the evacuation of families and their pets. More than 2,500 individuals were evacuated from their households. The country’s largest oil refinery was also flooded by the tragic incident, which led to a fire caused by an accumulation of water that lasted for hours. As a result, the refinery suspended operations until the emergency team evaluated it and found a way to repair it, according to Argentina’s YPF oil company. Governor Daniel Scioli said that La Plata had never seen anything similar to this disaster. He has stated, “such intense rain in so little time has left many people trapped in their cars, in the streets, in some cases electrocuted. We are giving priority to rescuing people who have been stuck in trees or on the roofs of their homes.” He has also confirmed that dead bodies were found by city authorities after the water floods had withdrawn. As for recovery, the government sent hundreds of workers to distribute food, water and clothing supplies in several shelters across the province. A long duration is dedicated for power lines to be repaired, even though the abundant rainfalls have stopped and excess waters have been receded. Few days after the incident, authorities informed that they were still searching for 20 missing individuals. Mobile hospitals have been opened and hepatitis vaccines have been administered for the public in evacuation facilities. According to National Planning Minister Julio de Vido, about 280,000 people

had no power or electricity in and around the province of Buenos Aires. “Our job is focused on restoring service, but we’re going to wait until the equipment dries to guarantee the safety of the electricity workers, because we don’t want any deaths,” De Vido stated. On Wednesday, the president of Argentina, Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, visited Tolosa, where she was raised and witnessed the damages the disaster caused to her mother’s house. She has acknowledged residents fears and concerns, and promised to increase the country’s security. President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner had announced a three-day period of mourning for the victims who lost their lives in the catastrophe.

Locals evacuate

Photo Credit: telegraph

tion have been force fed via tubes through their nostrils. At least three have been hospitalized for dehydration. The prisoners remain under malign treatment despite the US reiterating their intent on closing Guantanamo Bay. Promise of closure is an unfulfilled priority of

President Obama’s 2008 political platform. Despite president’s attempts to close the prison, congress has limited options to close the base and resettle prisoners. The military budget bill prohibits the expense of federal money on transferring approved inmates. This means prisoners are left isolated at Guantanamo, unable to be tried fairly in a federal court or to be transferred to a federal or third country prison. Many are also denied a trial review. President Obama has released statements opposing these provisions. Groups such as Human Rights Watch are now calling for the secretary of defense to sign off the release of individual prisoners. They urge “the lawful course for dealing with these detainees to either prosecute them or release them.” This is one of several hunger strikes in the prison’s history. It was first opened in 2002 by the Bush administration to detain suspects in overseas counterterrorism following the September 11, 2001 attacks. In 2005, 200 inmates were involved in another hunger strike over their brutal treatment at the hands of guards. The imposition of a detention centre such as Guantanamo Bay violates human rights and the Law of War. Many human rights groups consider indefinite detention amongst torture tactics akin to sleep deprivation, beatings and psychological abuse. Pillay prods a first step towards their goal to assure that “those who have been cleared for release must be released.”

Thatcher dies MARGARITA BOZHINOVA STAFF WRITER Margaret Thatcher, former British Prime Minister and one of the 20th century's most salient political figures, passed away following a stroke on Monday April 9. As the United Kingdom's first female Prime Minister and leader of the Conservative Party, she profoundly marked her country's history, but perhaps divided it even more so. Born into a rather modest family of grocers in 1925, she graduated in chemistry at the age of 22. She then studied law, before slowly yet sturdily making her way into politics, a field dominated exclusively by men at the time. She is appointed Prime Minister in 1979, during times of great political and economic commotion. As early as her first term, she introduces her set of policies, based on social conservatism and economic liberalism. “Margaret Thatcher didn't just lead our country – she saved our country. We can't deny that Lady Thatcher divided opinion,” current British Prime Minister David Cameron said. "For many of us, she was and is an inspiration. For others she was a force to be defined against.” Thatcherism, while praised by some, is strongly criticized by others, such as labour organizations and unions. “Margaret Hilda Thatcher is gone but the damage caused by her fatally flawed politics sadly

lingers on. Good riddance,” declared the National Union of Mineworkers. Thatcher also maintained her iron grip on both internal and external political affairs, quickly reclaiming the Falkland Islands, a British territory invaded by neighbouring Argentina in 1982. She also refused to budge when facing the Irish Republican Army's hunger strikes, letting ten of the imprisoned paramilitaries to die, before taking heed of their request of the political prisoners status. First and only female British Prime minister and leader of the Conservative Party, Thatcher is often fallaciously given as an example of a feminist. She was actually a proclaimed anti-feminist: “The feminists hate me, don’t they? And I don’t blame them. For I hate feminism. It is poison,” she has already stated. “There is absolutely nothing stopping you. Do not let feminists tell you it’s men stopping you…you need courage,” she has also said during a speech to Oxford female students. In 1990, “Maggie” resigns, feeling her party's disapproval of her late unpopular measures.

Thatcher

Photo Credit: npr.org

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6 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: Devon Wallcott CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Filmmaker dies in abandoned hostel MARGARITA BOZHINOVA STAFF WRITER “I am about to go spend a week being homeless in the West End of Newcastle. I will sleep rough for a week, scrounge for my food, access the services of the homeless individuals,” declared British filmmaker and aspiring journalist Lee Halpin in a video he posted on YouTube on March 31st. Three days later, his body was found in an abandoned hostel. While no official conclusion has been drawn on the reason of his death, authorities fear that he may have succumbed to hypothermia. However, two men have been arrested upon suspicion of supplying Halpin drugs which may have led to his death. An autopsy is to be carried out in the near future. Inspired by a dialogue with the spokesman of a homeless charity organism named Crisis, Halpin was producing a documentary on the struggle of those without a shelter. Named Stepping Out, the film was supposed to discuss other homerelated issues, such as the “bedroom tax”, a section of the UK’s Welfare Reform Act 2012 which introduces an “under-occupancy penalty”, cutting into the benefit granted to households who are considered to occupy too much living space.

Halpin in Youtube video, posted March 31st

Photo Credit: huffpost.com

“We are saddened to learn of the tragic death of this aspiring young journalist. Our thoughts are with his family,” declared a Channel 4 spokesman. Halpin’s film also constituted his application for an investigative journalism training program fostered by Channel 4, one of the United Kingdom's main television

broadcasting channels. The channel states that “fearless” is one of its core values, requiring of the program applicants to explain their courage

via a YouTube video and to submit a written or visual production they are particularly proud of. “I hope that you perceive this to be a fearless approach to a story, it

certainly feels brave from where I’m sat right now,” adds the aspiring journalist in his application footage. He also mentions that his venture has caused “a huge amount of trepidation” among his relatives. On Sunday night, he tweeted for the last time, inquiring whether anyone could lend him a sleeping bag and an old cellphone. “He made the ultimate sacrifice trying to raise awareness about what was happening to other people,” says Daniel Lake, a friend of the deceased. Halpin is described as a “great advocate of the north-east art scene”. He hosted a weekly radio show and was the founder and editor of Novel, an north-east arts and culture magazine. “We are saddened to learn of the tragic death of this aspiring young journalist. Our thoughts are with his family,” declared a Channel 4 spokesman. Crisis’s chief executive, Lee Morphy, also offered his condolences to Halpin’s family. “His tragic death highlights just how dangerous sleeping rough can be, especially during the freezing weather we are currently experiencing, which is why we would never encourage that anyone voluntarily put their life at risk in this way,” he added. A group of Halpin's friends have committed to finishing the production of Stepping Out, desiring to pursuit the change the reporter wanted to make.

Dances with Wolves ZACKARI BOURGEOIS CONTRIBUTOR

An 80-year-old German man has captured the world spot light when reports surfaced about the man’s other life: He is the alpha male of a wolf pack. Werner Freund is a man who has done the seemingly unthinkable by befriending one of the most ill-regarded animals on our planet: the wolf. Going as far as to feed them raw meat directly from his mouth, Freund has become the “pack leader” of close to 70 wolves. While some will view this as completely outrageous, and maybe even dangerous, for 80-year-old Freund, it’s a way of life. “To earn their respect, one must become a wolf, and that is what I am to them, their leader,” he said to the British website The Telegraph. For Freund, it’s the abundance of slanderous fairytales that have vilified the largest member of the dog family. Starting in the seventies, Freund and his wife began to take in and care for wolves, a lifelong passion of Freund that was encouraged by his partner. After many years of nurturing the young cubs that they had received from various zoos and parks, they had the idea to form a “wolf park” in their town of Merzig.

Freund sharing a meal with his comrades

Photo Credit: theatlantic.com

“To earn their respect, one must become a wolf, and that is what I am to them, their leader.” - Werner Freund After being donated land from local authorities, he was met with extremely positive feedback. The park had become a

major attraction to the small town, while the wolves thrived in the forested area, being fed by locals, and roaming freely

through the lands without worry. To Freund, it was all about, “[battling] to strip away the myth of the ‘dangerous wolf ’.”

For centuries, wolves and humans have had a very tumultuous relationship. While a large number of wolves remain in North America and some parts of Asia, they have been almost completely eradicated from Europe, due to massive hunts that have taken place over the decades. Even now, in Alberta and the Sakha Republic of Siberia, measures have been taken to hunt the wild animal due to certain animal species in their respective areas being natural prey for the wolves. In Alberta specifically, the Alberta Caribou Committee, representing a number of different companies such as PetroCanada and Shell, have blamed the wolf population for the rapid decline of Caribou, according to The Guardian. That is why Freund believes man poses a far greater threat to wolves than the creature poses to the people that set out to kill them, stating, “Wolves are beautiful animals and the person who says they shouldn’t be in the wild might as well not care about what happens to the elephant on the plains of Africa.” For an animal that Freund says is “rarely aggressive towards humans,” they have been faced with seemingly insurmountable odds. The tales of “Little Red Riding Hood” have been branded into our psyches, and while it may be hard to change that, one man has set out to do so. Embracing his new name, “The Wolf Man”, the now-world-renowned lover of wolves has become their saving grace, standing at the forefront of their resurgence in mainland Europe.

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Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 7

7 EDITOR: Devon Walcott CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

The business of art ANDY RICE CAPLIANO COURIER NORTH VANCOUVER (CUP) — Art and business have never been the best of friends. Maintaining an uncompromised sense of creativity can be difficult when financial clouds loom above. The pressure to sell more is soon followed by the accusation of selling out, and while some art forms are more easily commoditized than others, most artists face the dilemma of having to feed not only their soul through their chosen medium, but their family as well. The paths these individuals take in response to this challenge are as varied, expressive and personal as the art they create. For Nicola Tibbetts, a painter and instructor for Capilano University’s studio arts program, going into education was both an intended career move and a defense mechanism against artistic compromise. “I teach partially because I think it’s a great way to balance an art practice with life,” she says. “I think that it’s really nice to have those two things going at the same time because one feeds the other. And I also teach so that I don’t have to sell my paintings because I don’t want my art practice to be dictated by what will sell and what won’t sell.” Across the campus, interactive design student Oliver Browne is taking educational steps toward a career in the graphic design industry. Digital media has become one of the fastest-growing art forms around, and somewhat of a commodity in today’s technological world. For Browne, entering the field was partly deliberate and partly serendipitous. “It’s in demand and it’s also a growing industry, so that seemed like the logical choice,” he says. “But I’m also lucky because I really enjoy and gain energy from that, from this industry, whereas some artists would see it almost as selling out possibly.” East Vancouver jewellery designer Marie Foxall finds herself somewhere in the middle. After a full-time contract position she had in the music industry came to an end several months ago, she decided to focus solely on her artistic enterprise, Wasted Effort. Having both a mathematics degree and a masters in business administration helped to make it more of a calculated risk, but still one with financial implications she isn’t yet sure of. Foxall says that while the move has given her considerably more time to develop new products and grow her business, she wouldn’t be opposed to resuming outside employment. “I’m still open to it because I could manage both before … but it’ll be interesting to see how I’ll manage this for the time being,” she says. Making ends meet Finding a financially viable career in the arts can be a challenging and even impossible struggle. “Very, very few people make it work and have selling work as their sole income,” says Tibbetts. “It’s very, very rare, so in some ways I don’t want to encourage people to have that dream because it can be really frustrating. I think where I hope a lot of my students would go is into something they really enjoy doing, and hope-

fully it has sort of artistic elements to it. "Also, what I hope they learn through their art education is that if they possibly can, not to make too many sacrifices in order to please an audience … if they do go the commercial route,” she says. “Painting is a medium that people tend to buy which is great because you can make a living with painting more so than with sculpture,” explains Tibbetts, but typically when it comes to visual art, “there aren’t all that many options. Art education is wonderful because it teaches you to be very creative about the kinds of jobs you get. You have to know what your skill set is, then try and find work that somehow feeds that, but it won’t necessarily be artistic. "It could be something very technical. There’s curation of gallery spaces; that’s sort of a realm that a lot of artists go into but now there’s curatorial studies that specify in that. It is possible to go the commercial realm and do that successfully, but

web development, he worked as a freelancer on various branding and digital media projects. Browne says he intends to seek work at a graphic design firm once he has completed his studies. “My strengths currently are starting to push me into being a graphic designer,” he says. “Basically a rapid prototyper so that when people have ideas for products and they need to move onto a web-based marketing system I can quickly work on a solution with them. Hopefully that’ll push me into kind of an agency position where I’ll be mocking up websites, developing them and basically being a bit of a code monkey.” While paintings, custom graphics and jewellery happen to be three of the more in-demand forms of marketable art, all three artists warn that even still, making a living from art alone can be difficult. Retail

ceramic artists, the potters for example, because they’re making these vessels that you can eat out of and drink out of and they’re very useful. With painting, it goes on the wall. It’s not something that can be used every day.” One of her current projects serves as a refreshing solution this problem. “Right now I’m collaborating with a toy maker and we’re making a dinosaur puzzle together. It’s totally out of my normal realm. I know I’m not going to be putting it on a gallery wall and being judged by it. Kids are actually going to be playing with dinosaurs that I painted and that’s really cool.” Making compromises Though their chosen mediums are vastly different from one another, all three artists share a strong vision and say they’ve set limits for themselves on how much they would allow that vision to be compromised for financial gain.

“It’s been an amazing experience to peek into the art world like that. These are people that are professional artists, and they have day jobs and everything, but they find ways to remain relevant with their artistic talent.” I think often you do have to compromise and that is unfortunate. There’s the teaching realm; there are not very many teaching jobs unfortunately but if you can get one, or even a part-time situation like me, and you can live on a small amount of money you make working part-time, that’s all you need.” Foxall says that she’s still unsure whether or not a career in the arts is even what she wants long-term. It was a path she found herself on somewhat by accident. Part of that indecision, she says, comes from a responsibility she feels toward her post-secondary education. “There’s family pressure to be a great successful professional and all that stuff,” she says. “It’s just balancing everything and everyone’s expectations. I do want to do something with that [math degree and business degree].” While Browne’s post-secondary education fully involves and encompasses his art, it has also temporarily removed him from the business side of it. Prior to enrolling in university to focus on graphic design and

cost, accessibility and day-to-day usefulness or enjoyment are all major factors toward the appeal of certain items to the public – and some artistic mediums are simply more viable than others, from a business perspective. Jewellery is a perfect example. “People are actually using [these pieces] and not just buying them on a whim and then never actually wearing them,” says Foxall. “And it’s nice to have the opportunity to create something that hopefully will last a really long time. I know that most of the jewellery that I’ve bought over the course of my life I’ve kept; like I just have a collection of it and I never really get rid of it. It’s nice that … jewellery is easier to keep in that way than clothing or something else that goes out of style quicker. It has a bit more longevity to it.” Painting, though similar in collectability and longevity, is quite different when it comes to practicality. Tibbetts says she often wishes visual art could be more useful for everyday life. “I have a little bit of envy for people like

“I took the route of teaching fairly specifically so I can be an artist and not have to be associated with a commercial gallery if I didn’t want to,” says Tibbetts. “I’m lucky enough to be a painter and if I wanted to go the commercial route I could, but there are sacrifices to be made, just like with everything. I mean, their mandate is to sell work, it’s not necessarily to show interesting work.” Browne says he hasn’t yet found himself needing to compromise thus far. “I don’t feel like I’ve sacrificed anything, let’s put it that way, whereas I definitely know of people in the graphic design industry who feel that they’ve compromised their own artistic talent and vision for money. In my case I felt like my skills were definitely better for design because I know that my passion lies in working with people.” For Foxall, the inevitable pressure to compromise has more to do with production than artistic vision. Jewellery, along with the entire fashion industry, is replication-based in a way that both visual art

and multimedia design are not. If and when business picks up, a great temptation exists to move to an assembly line format or mass-produce pieces to be more cost or time-effective. It’s a temptation she vows to resist. While some artists in other disciplines might lament and even resent that replication process, Foxall sees it simply as a fact of life when it comes to her chosen medium. “It’s the same thing as being in a really popular band and people want to hear the hits and the band doesn’t want to play the hits. You know, you do what you’ve got to do. And I like everything that I’ve designed. If I didn’t like it then I wouldn’t have made it in the first place. Maybe it’s not my favourite thing anymore but it’s all still fun to make.” Making connections Regardless of whether an art practice operates on a small scale or on a global scale, networking and connecting with others is an important step toward a sustainable career. Social media can be a valuable facilitator for that process, says Foxall. “I’ve actually gotten tons of business and store accounts just from Instagram alone. I have an online store as well which is really awesome for that because it’s just this whole community of people who are really excited about handmade things, and so if you make a new piece and you’re not sure how it’s going to do in the real world or in the boutique scene you can sort of test it out there.” Tibbetts says that her job as an art instructor alongside several other practicing artists is what gives her a sense of community and helps to keep her in tune with the industry at-large. “You’re surrounded by other artists, which is wonderful. When you’re out of a school setting it can be really tough because you have to build your own community but if you have a faculty of artists, then you already have sort of an automatic community and I think we sort of influence each other. It’s also really good to just get out of the house because being an artist is a very solitary practice. I only work part-time, and the rest of the time I’m in my studio alone, so coming here and just having conversations about art and looking at art … it’s a really great thing.” Growing up in Deep Cove, North Vancouver as the son of a gallery owner, Browne says he has witnessed the power of connections first-hand. “It’s been an amazing experience to peek into the art world like that. These are people that are professional artists, and they have day jobs and everything, but they find ways to remain relevant with their artistic talent. They’ve just worked so hard with their craft and they’ve had to do so much work networking through so many different avenues to find shows, to find venues to put up their stuff. It is mainly for the love of it but when money comes their way, they clamp onto any opportunity.” Those words, “mainly for the love of it,” perhaps best encompass the commitment an artist makes to his or her craft, despite the financial implications that may result. Entering the arts field, an area where failure is perhaps more common than success, involves a sacrifice upfront – and not an easy one.

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Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 8

8 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: MJ Cromp CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

514 Writer CONOR BOYD CONTRIBUTOR

Since his first year at Loyola High School in 2003, Montreal author Connor McRae had a story brewing in his mind. A story that he would publish less than a decade later. “I was just the most excited student,” he said. “I played hockey and rugby every year and joined the classical languages club. I wanted to get involved as much as possible. It was on my walks to and from school every day that I came up with the idea for a boy who learns a secret and has to keep it as his world falls apart around him.” McRae’s story came to fruition when he was 18 and in his first year at Wyoming Seminary in Kingston, Pennsylvania. After having moved to the States to play football and hockey, McRae started to miss his old dog Spencer. With the idea for his story in the back of his mind and a longing for his best friend, McRae started writing about Keith Alistair. A 12-year-old boy, Keith is drawn into the Montreal underworld when he witnesses a mob killing and has to go to St. Ignatius High School to protect his identity. McRae’s first book in a five-part series,

Trespasses, opens with Keith taking his dog, Hunter, for a walk. Due to an unlucky chain of events, Hunter is taken by three initiates of the mob and held down on the tracks of an incoming train. Fearing for his best friend’s life, Keith dispatches the three boys, saves his dog from certain death, and gets away with his life… and a duffel bag full of cash. The story might have even ended there, if only Hunter’s collar hadn’t been left behind at the scene of the crime. For a first novel, McRae wrote with the great talent and detail of an early J.K. Rowling, one of his favourite authors. He’s now writing full-time. The next book in the series, Crossings, is being released on May 14. Keith’s story draws greatly from McRae’s upbringing and life in Montreal. “I didn’t really know how to go about being a writer,” McRae confessed, “so I wrote from what I knew. I put Keith in the house I grew up in.” In the first pages of Trespasses, McRae describes Keith’s street, similar to the street he grew up on, right down to the order of the shops down the road. “Fun fact,” he said. “My suggestion for my first dog Spencer’s name was Hunter, but my dad vetoed it because he thought my dumb teenage friends would replace the ‘H’ with a ‘C’. So that name was dropped, my mom suggested Spencer, and the rest is history.”

After being first published, McRae confessed modestly that his life hasn’t changed much. “I’m still living in the same house,” he said. “It helped me get a new job, and it’s helped me reconnect with friends who’ve read the book.” McRae smiled. “Great pickup line too,” he joked. “I’m dating the first person to read the book. I started writing to get rich and pick up girls, and I stopped at the first girl.” Since coming up with the idea for Trespasses a decade ago, McRae wrote and published the story in four years, and is now planning a US retail debut at his old prep school, Wyoming Seminary. They’re trying to build a new football stadium and he’d like to use some of the profits to help make that happen. The now 22-year-old blooming author has his website, Facebook page and Twitter set up for any readers interested in learning more about the Trespasses series and Connor McRae himself. With the release of Crossings in a couple of months, interested readers can catch up with Keith Alistair’s story by buying the Trespasses eBook on Amazon for $2.99. “Go to your library, your local bookstore, and read,” he said. “It doesn’t matter who you’re reading or what you’re reading as long as you’re reading.” Website: connorrae.ca Facebook page: Connor McRae Author Twitter: @ConnorSMcRae

WWII, Sex & A Deer

Far from Disney JUSTIN GIGLIO VOICE EDITOR

Photo credit: bonjourtristesse.net

Drama...

ANNE-MARIE DESJARDINS CONTRIBUTOR

Cate Shortland’s second feature is not to be dismissed or misconceived for a post-World War II film that tends to lead to anticipate conventionality. Lore is an entirely different take on its theme. It is a coming of age story adapted from the novel The Dark Room by Rachel Seiffert. Lore, beautifully portrayed by Saskia Rosendahl, is the oldest of five siblings who are on a treacherous journey to their grandmother’s house across Germany, fending for themselves as their Nazi SS parents have been taken into custody. They encounter a young Jewish man named Thomas, who poses as their brother and soon takes upon Lore’s responsibility as family “protector”. He falls victim to the ice-cold chill of Rosendahl’s gaze, which shifts from resent to lust over and over again as she betrays herself into wanting someone that she has been taught to hate in a battle that is never resolved. The porcelain deer figurine serves as the anchor for the film’s three-act structure. It is a representation of the loss of innocence of a teenage girl in a (beauti-

ful) post-apocalyptic world. We begin with Lore’s mother wrapping it up and nesting it in several towels and then handing it down to her in what seems to be their final moment together. From then on, she resentfully begins to leave her childhood behind and brutally enters adulthood with exposition to rape, the truth about the camps and her father’s responsibility with regards to it. She hatefully represses her sexual feelings for Thomas as her siblings befriend him, and fights off his touch. This is put together on a cold colour palette and in stunning oblique shots that suggest the instability of our protagonist. Middle, she offers the deer to a man in desperate attempts to win her family a boat ride across the river. After it becomes clear that all he is willing to accept from her is sex, the gesture of the deer becomes symbolic foreshadowing of her offering the man her innocence. Ever so slowly and with frightened delicacy, she begins to unbutton her blouse, knowing that Thomas is watching. The scene that follows is the catalyst for her spiraling downfall. “What have we done” becomes an echoing sentence, strengthening her guilt and despair. She breaks. She begs and pleads for Thomas

not to leave them, her screams haunting fields of silence. In the end, she is not the little girl that she was when the journey started. She is left empty and broken, questioning whether or not she will ever be capable of warmth again. And along with her, we are left blank and frozen, in a heartwrenching scene where she is forced to dance. She takes the deer and breaks it… fade to black. Lore is unlike any other film of its genre. It’ll leave you with a knotted throat and a soaring heart. Shortland’s way of story telling is luring and perfectly put together. Each performance is more authentic than the next, and allows for you to forget that you are actually watching children act. Adam Arkapaw’s cinematography is spellbinding and worthy of making you feel guilty of finding such a terrible place beautiful. You will want to take a screenshot of each perfectly framed scene and make a photo album out of it. Lore is chilling, heart-breaking, enticing and seductive, it is haunting and inspiring, hair-rising and poetic. It is one of those films that isn’t overly anticipated, but has the power of reminding its viewers of the magic of cinema.

Spring Breakers, starring Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens and James Franco, will disappoint anyone expecting Project X with guns. Harmony Korine’s hyper-realistic, 94-minute music video is much more than the average “style over substance” arthouse film. The plot follows four young girls, Faith (Gomez), Candy (Hudgens), Brit (Ashley Benson) and Cotty (Rachel Korine), who hold up a restaurant to fund their epic trip to Florida for spring break. After being arrested for possession, they are quickly bailed out by rapper/gangster Alien (Franco). Complete insanity ensues. James Franco convincingly steals the show as a psychotic drug lord. He completely disappears into the persona, with some of the film’s most memorable moments involving Franco on ridiculous rants about his “shit”. The film’s marketing was aimed strongly at the casting of Gomez and Hudgens, whose filmographies are more important to the film than their actual performances. Regardless, they portray the modern party girl with little to no emotional depth, which feels intentional rather than a flaw on their part. In an interview with Vice, Korine describes the film’s structure as “a liquid narrative.” All signs of a traditional three-act structure are thrown out in exchange for a nonlinear plot that involves jumping forwards

and backwards through the narrative. The film feels more like a song, filled with build-ups and the occasional drop or hook, followed by more build-up. With electronic music artist Skrillex and composer Cliff Martinez (Drive) managing the score, it’s easy to see the parallels. The cinematography is absolutely gorgeous. At times, the camera movements and neon colour scheme make the film feel more like a drug trip, full of highs and lows. It’s simultaneously mesmerizing and nausea-inducing. The four girls aren’t developed or portrayed as individuals, but rather four parts of one person’s psyche. Gomez’s character is the morality, Hudgens and Benson are the id and Korine’s character is the bridge between the two. One by one, each part is peeled back until all that remains is complete psychosis. It’s the kind of dark psychoanalysis Korine fans are used to. The film is a satirical examination of modern youth culture done to perfection. Mainstream audiences were marketed a party movie in the vein of Project X. Instead, that culture is examined and exposed: the jocks are literally wearing jock straps and the main characters wear sweatpants with “DTF” written across their asses. It’s brilliantly tongue-in-cheek and unapologetic. Korine set out to shock us by putting a blunt and a pistol in the hands of Disney princesses. It’s juxtaposition pop-art that pokes fun at our culture and pokes holes in our morals. Spring Breakers is an inside joke. You will absolutely hate it if you aren’t in on it, and if you’re not in on it, chances are the jokes about you.

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Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 9

9 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: MJ Cromp CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Cheap Eats You know warmer weather is coming when the green veggies are slowly downing in prices. I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF. SO HAPPY. So, this week, sugar snap peas were on sale, and I decided to write something up with them. Many people don’t eat these little cuties, for they aren’t very popular, but they’re actually quite tasty! Photo credit: montrealpoutine.ca

I’m hungry...

MARCUS-XAVIES GRANADA STAFF WRITER

The hamburger is the people’s meal. It’s the unpretentious American staple food, eaten by the rich and the poor. Its popularity is due to its versatility and low-cost ingredients. “Bougie” restaurants try re-interpreting the hamburger, experimenting with exotic ingredients flown-in from all corners of the globe. Goat cheese, provolone, heirloom tomatoes, and sprouts... to that I reply: “Bun that stuff gee! Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat! All I want is a big ol’ burger!” Located at 1855, St. Catherine West, Buns Hamburger House has been hailed by Montrealers as one of the best hamburger joints in town. At Buns, substance is favoured over style. The prices are also very modest. A beef/cheese burger is $5, and an extra patty is $8. Buns also caters to vegetarians, offering a Portobello burger for $4. The fries are $2 and are simple, but tasty.

I ordered a spicy burger (seasoned with Montreal steak spice) with cheese, alldressed (onion, tomatoes, lettuce) with fries and a cold pop from the fridge for $8 flat, tax-in. The prices are rounded to include tax, so don’t worry about that awkward moment when you’re digging in your tight pockets, looking for that dime hiding in the crevices. Buns caters to students, with low-cost but higher-quality food, an excellent alternative to McDonald’s. At first glance, Buns looked like it was closed. There was no chef or cashier in site. To test my hypothesis, I yanked the door handle and, lucky for my fellow compatriot and me, it swung open. After a minute, the chef/waiter/cashier materialized from a room in the back. He proceeded to take our order, serve us our food and then took our payment after the meal. The Buns multi-purpose employee was chill. He didn’t give me attitude when I had a last-minute request to put spicy sauce or when I had questions. Also, it didn’t take long for him to prepare our food. However, a restaurant should have at least

two people-working minimum for health purposes. You can’t have a dude touching dirty money and handling your food. The restaurant is located close to many bars and clubs on St-Laurent. As a result, the furniture is limited to diner style stools and counters with a couple of tables at the back. The washroom was pretty nasty: there was crud around the toilet and smudges on the mirror. It looked like it hadn’t been cleaned all day. Other than being short-staffed and slightly unkempt, Buns is chill dive joint where they play some sick tunes. There’s nothing like biting into a juicy burger while listening to sweet 90s Golden Age rap. All in all, Buns Hamburger House is a solid burger joint. The food is cheap. The food is good. The music is hype. It has its flaws, but in comparison to the quality of the food at such low prices, the flaws are easily forgivable and forgettable. Leave your frilly knickers at home. When you go to Buns, don’t expect a red carpet. However, do expect your taste buds and your ears to be tantalized to the max.

Tips For Broken Hearts

Sugar snap pea sunshine salad 1lb green beans 1/2lb sugar snap peas 1 tsp salt ¼ cup diced onion 1 large orange 2-3 tbsp olive oil 1 tsp balsamic vinegar ¼ cup shredded carrot Trim and slice the sugar snap peas. Fill a large cooking pot with water and add the beans and peas. Bring it to a boil Then, let simmer until cooked al dente .You don’t ant them to be soft. Just enough to not be eaten raw. Drain, and add the greens to a large salad bowl. Peel orange and dice. Add oranges to bowl, with grated carrot and onion. Drizzle with olive oil, balsamic vinegar and sprinkle some salt. Toss well and serve! Note: To add some spunk to this salad, you an even grate the orange peel. Serve with a lean protein and or have a small bowl as a snack!

Portobello mushroom grilled cheese 1 large Portobello mushroom ½ tbsp olive oil ½ tsp garlic salt ½ tsp oregano 2 slices whole grain bread 4 slices mozzarella cheese (try getting the brand Allegro4, it’s SUPER high in protein and VERY low in fat) Preheat oven at 400F. Slice mushroom into quarters, and add to a baking sheet. Drizzle with olive oil, spices and bake for 12-15 minutes until golden. Must flip. Toast the bread, then add the cheese slices, and when mushroom is done, add in the middle. Toast again entire sandwich for a few seconds to combine the textures. Serves 1 large Note: It’s National Grilled cheese month. Can you believe it? I know, I’m all “WTF” but hey, some of us like to have those grilled cheeses. HOWEVER, being the mother hen I am, I made a healthy recipe out of this...concoction. Again, I stress in finding the brand Allegro4 for the cheese, because it is the most nutritious cheese on the market, and it tastes amazing. Don’t kill yourself with those Kraft singles...it’s plastic. Bad.

Upcoming shows APR13: The Joy Formidable @Corona Theater, 8 p.m.

MEAGHAN WESTOVER STAFF WRITER

Spring is here and like in Bambi everyone is “twitterpated”! So you know what that means, right? Break-ups. Break-ups everywhere. The cold, long winter is almost done, and a lot of people are ditching the person they’ve been using to warm up with. FINALLY! It’s time to bring out the skankiest clothes you have and show off what you got from your mama. It doesn’t matter if you were dating for three years or three weeks, or if you did the breaking or you got broken up with. This tip article is for you! 1. Grieve: Sometimes, losing the person you love can feel like they died. It makes sense though, right? They won’t be the same person anymore, whether you decide to be friends or not. The most important thing is to know that you’re allowed to be sad. Take a couple days to feel sorry for yourself ! 2. Block them out: Face it. This relationship is over. If it hasn’t worked once it won’t work again. You need to get over this person, and that will be really hard if you keep talking to them! Stop texting them,

offline him/her or even remove this person from your Facebook friends. It won’t be for forever, but you’ll be giving each other time to forgive, forget and move on. 3. Don’t regret: Everything in life happens for a reason. Just think: this relationship has come to an end BUT there is certainly someone else in the world just waiting to fall in love with you. AWWW CORNY! Like I said in #2, if it hasn’t worked once it probably won’t work again. Don’t regret your decision, it happened for a reason, and NEVER doubt yourself. 4. Keep busy: The whole day you think you’re fine! Everything is okay! You’re at school; you’re doing your own thing… Then you go home, you’re finally alone, your own thoughts traumatize you and then suddenly you find yourself crying for the 55597867567th time. Unfortunately there is no cure for this problem. All you need to do is keep as busy as possible. Hang out with friends after school or organize something to keep your mind off things. 5. Music: Fucking Taylor Swift. That bitch gets with a lot of guys but you have to admit she has the perfect, saddest songs for every break-up situation. Guess what? This isn’t the time to test out your love for country/pop/whatever she is considered as now. Organize a playlist and call it something like “Pumped” or “Fuck you

(Enter your ex’s name)”. Only listen to happy, uplifting songs. Listening to break up music will only make you sadder. Some of my personally favourites? “Bulletproof ” by La Roux and “Another F.U Song” by Reel Big Fish! 6. Find SOMEONE NEW: You might not be ready right away, but if you are then what’s stopping you? Finding someone new is the ultimate way to get over someone. It’ll distract you from what you lost and it will also make you realize how unbelievably shitty your last relationship was. Go on a date, flirt, and fantasize about that guy in your gym class as much as you want. You’re free to do whatever you want now! So that’s it for the break-up tips! If you’re going through a break-up like me I hope that this made you feel better. Remember, you’re not facing this alone. There is no need to turn off your phone and ignore everyone… There are tons of people who feel just like you do. Don’t be scared to talk about it either; ranting always makes people feel better! Just remember, it isn’t the end of the world, so don’t go drowning your sorrows away with booze. I’m also sorry that this tip article was so depressing! To end things off, here’s a tacky quote: Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now but it can’t rain forever.

The Besnard Lakes @ Mile-End Cabaret, 8 p.m.

APR19: Buddy Guy @ Metropolis, 8 p.m. Apr25: Collie Buddz @ Metropolis, 8 p.m. May1: The Lumineers @ Metropolis, 8 p.m. may4: We Are Wolfes @Mile-End Cabaret, 9 p.m. May6: James Blake @ Metropolis, 8 p.m. may24: Indochine @ Bell Center, 7:30 p.m. Of Monsters And Men @ Canal Lachine, 7:30 p.m.

June6: New Kids On The Block @Bell Center, 7 p.m. June7: The XX @ Canal Lachine, 7:30 p.m. June13: The National @ Canal Lachine, 7:30 p.m. June28: Pink Martini @ Place Des Arts, 7:30 p.m. July1: Woodkid @ Metropolis, 8:30 p.m. July3: She & Him @ Wilfried-Pelletier, 7:30 p.m. July22: Beyonce @ Bell Center, 8 p.m.

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Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 10

10 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Clothing store etiquette SARINE MOUMDJIAN PRODUCTION MANAGER

It has been believed, based on countless indications, that people have lost all sense of morality. So much, in fact, that they now have to be told what to do and what not to do very bluntly, even in places you might have never thought of. In this case, I have learned that people act like five-year-old children when it comes to shopping in a clothing store, particularly in the downtown area. Just when you thought that women were cleaner and more decent than boys, you are put in a position where you have to pick up after everyone’s shit. You’re thinking it’s a pretty decent job, and that it can’t be as bad as I just made it out to be. But get into a conversation with me for about five minutes, and I will prove you wrong in the first two. Here are 10 things that you really should think twice about when planning to go shopping (or rather make my life easier and read this):

Do NOT show up at 8:55 pm. I can actually feel my arm rising to slap that one bitch who comes in and fucks up the store in all the ways it can be fucked up right be-

Colorful clothes!! gimme all.

fore closing time. Don’t take your time either. I can guarantee that you will receive a shit service, and you will be warned many times to show yourself out. Don’t act surprised either.

Do NOT wear 50 pounds of makeup to cover up that face of yours, and then try on 50 tons of clothes, which you smother with your orange cover-up. It’s disgusting, it’s repulsive, and it’s horrible. My hands wish to throw the white top back on your face and choke you with it.

Do NOT take 945 items of the same clothing to the changing rooms, and not decide to buy a single one. “Oh I’m sorry all these 50 tank-tops did not fit” is not a good excuse. Take one. Try one on. Doesn’t fit? On to the next. You’re wasting your time; you’re wasting my time.

Do NOT answer “no” when someone at the cash asks you, “Did anyone help you today?” Are you kidding me? I just took your poor taste in clothing, turned it around, helped you pick out sizes, carried you to the changing room, got you dressed, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO?! Unacceptable. Ask the worker’s name, go up to the cash and say: this motherfucker should be the

next Queen of England.

Do NOT and I repeat do NOT NOT NOT treat the changing room as a bathroom. Yes, you heard right. Stop leaving your bloody pads or tampons in my changing room. Do NOT take a dump or relieve yourself on the floor, you disgusting son of a bitch. You are not a character on the Sims. You’re thinking, “No one does that!” right? THINK AGAIN.

Do NOT give me attitude. Had a bad day? Don’t care; deal with it. Do not come in my store and take it out on me. When I say, “Hello, welcome,” you respond by saying, “Hey gurl wuddup,” not by making it seem like I’m not there. When I say, “Goodbye, thanks for coming,” respond by saying, “Ayo thanks gurl, I’ll see ya soon.” Here’s a shocker: retail workers are REAL people too. This concerns me. Who do you think you are? Fuckn’ Obama?

Do NOT go in the changing rooms with your boyfriend…we all know what’s going on, and I’m not shy to drag both of your asses out. You are not a dog. I think you are able to keep your hormones under control. Besides, I will embarrass the shit out of you two when

I announce it in my headset about the on-going sexual activity. And how uncomfortable would that shit be? We have CAMERAS, for god’s sake... Think about that next time when you’re wiping your cum with our clothes.

Do NOT look for a size from a pile of clothing when I am right there next to you. Chances are, you will destroy the pile, or you won’t find your size. Some of you look me in the eyes and drop a piece of clothing on a completely different table. How hard can it be to leave it back to where it was, Cruella De Vil. I honestly would rather you ask me, especially when I just finished refolding that motherfucker. Imagine, it takes at least five minutes to refold, and we have about, let’s say, 40 piles, which takes about 200 minutes, or 3.33 hours. My shift is always about 4.5 hours. Get the point? Do NOT be afraid to ask questions. Retail workers are bored out of their minds during their shift. It brightens my dull life when customers come up to us, explaining what they want and how they want it. I can guarantee, you’ll fuck out of the store way faster. If you want to lure us into a conversation, go ahead. We’re actually fun to talk to, even if we do look like we want to shoot our brains

out. But please, don’t start complaining about how fat you feel. This makes everyone uncomfortable. Do NOT be in a hurry at the cash. That shit’s stressful as fuck. Especially when you want to do return/exchange. There are so many buttons to press. Also, chill the fuck out when you’re giving us your phone number. My brain does not process the information as fast as you think. It is also my job to tell you about promotions, or our money-saving cards. It’s my job to give you shit, which will save you some money. I am doing YOU a favor, you piece of shit. Don’t even think about acting annoyed or sighing when I’m basically pushing you to come back and give the company more money, asshole.

10.

There you have it: ten unwritten rules of shopping at a retail store. Or, any store really... Basically, if there’s one thing I learned from my one-year experience as a retail worker, it’s that people actually do NOT give a shit about your feelings, nor about anything else in the world. That’s just the way it is. Hopefully, some of you will get your heads out of their asses and start treating people in the way they deserve to be treated. Or just don’t go shopping and leave me alone. That works too.

photo credit: eliseclothingcompany.com

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Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 11

11 EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

#MTL: PLATEAU

VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

a student’s guide on where to live CENTRE-VILLE

NDG

PRICE POINT: $$$ METRO: Sherbrooke, Mont-Royal CHARACTERISTICS: Small apartments, big rent. Thin walls. Mostly low-rise buildings with Montreal-famous outdoor staircases. French. One restaurant to every hispter. Lots of adorable independant grocery stores, hopping-hopping all day and night, quaint, lots of parks. HOT SPOTS: The Main, Saint-Denis, Tam-Tams, Blizzarts, Korova, Muzique (unfortunately), La Beanerie, Salon Officiel, Saint-Sulpice, Schwartz, Ramados, La Banquise, Santropol, L’Avenue. HIDDEN GEMS: Chef Guru (best curry poutine everrr), 2$ chow mein, Big in Japan, Icehouse, Biere et Compagnie.

MILE END

PRICE POINT: $$$$

PRICE POINT: $$

METRO: Anything on the green line between Berri & LG, anything on the orange line between Berri & Lucien-Lallier

METRO: VENDOME VILLA-MARIA

CHARACTERISTICS: Small apartments, huge ass rent. Mostly proffesionals living here, lots of shopping, very convenient, pedestrian friendly.

CHARACTERISTICS: Big apartments come fairly cheap in this neighborhood. It’s very residential, lots of young families. Dogfriendly. Apartment buildings are generally typical apartment complexes with an inside walkup and lots of units. Gentrified.

HOT SPOTS: Anything on Crescent, Bishop, St. Cath, Atwater market.

HOT SPOTS: Girouard park, Capoli burgers, Restaurant B & M (best pancakes in town!)

HIDDEN GEMS: Upstairs Jazz Bar, Super Noodles, Star of India.

HIDDEN GEMS: Cosmos, Bangkok Express.

VILLAGE GAI

PRICE POINT: $$

PRICE POINT: $$$

METRO: LAURIER, BEAUBIEN

METRO: BEAUDRY

CHARACTERISTICS: Has a belle époque vibe, has slightly larger, nicer apts than the Plateau, mostly low-rise buildings with Montreal-famous outdoor staircases, older hispters, residential, big music scene, lots of Hassidic jews, bagels.

CHARACTERISTICS: Pricey but still relatively affordable, tons of terraces, lots of danc-y nightlife, pedestrian-friendly (they close of a huge section on St. Cath during the summer to cars, similar to Prince Arthur in the Plateau), awesome, absolutely gorgeous apartments.

HOT SPOTS: Bodkin tattoo, Cabaret Mile-End, St. Viateur Bagels, Local 23 & General 54, Farmount Bagels, Jean-Talon market.

HOT SPOTS: Unity, Sky, Parking, Club Sandwich, Saloon, Mado’s

HIDDEN GEMS: Local 23 & General 54, Clark’s Bakery, Drawn & Quarterly

HIDDEN GEMS: Le Grain de Sel, Autour d’un Pain, Fetish Armada.

SAINT HENRI PRICE POINT: $ METRO: PLACE ST. HENRI, LG CHARACTERISTICS: Cheap ass rent. An eccentric group mixing here, squeegee kids, punks, artists, lots of different ethnicities. Slowly getting gentrified. HOT SPOTS: The canal, Atwater market, Corona Theater. HIDDEN GEMS: AA Diner (24h), Greenspot, Itsi Bitsi Cake inc.

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Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 12

WE’RE LOOKING FOR NEW EDITORS. FOR MORE INFORMATION, VISIT 2C.10

plant the

Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 13

13 EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Ethicist JUSTIN GIGLIO VOICES EDITOR

Gay marriage has always been a political hot topic, but recently it has been at the forefront of discussion due to the U.S. Supreme Court’s upcoming ruling on the matter. In an attempt to “inform” people of the unethical nature of gay marriage, tfpstudentaction.com released an article titled “10 Reasons Why Homosexual Marriage is Harmful and Must be Opposed”. 10. It Offends God “Whenever one violates the natural moral order established by God, one sins and offends God.” It has been said several times, but I will reiterate. We live in a society that has been built on the separation of church and state, which is why we no longer have religion classes in public schools and why we don’t look to the Bible to regulate our laws. If we did, there would be a significant increase in the amount of public stoning and hangings in North America. 9. It is the Cutting Edge of the Sexual Revolution “If homosexual ‘marriage’ is universally accepted as the present step in sexual ‘freedom’, what logical arguments can be used to stop the next steps of incest, pedophilia, bestiality, and other forms of unnatural behavior?” It is quite easy to differentiate between pedophilia and homosexuality. One is consensual and the other is not. Why should governments regulate sexual deci-

A gay pride parade

photo credit: blogspot.com

sions when both parties are ready and willing? 8. It Imposes Its Acceptance on All Society “By legalizing same-sex ‘marriage’, the State becomes its official and active promoter. The State calls on public officials to officiate at the new civil ceremony, orders public schools to teach its acceptability to children, and punishes any state employee who expresses disapproval.” This is supposed to sound like a bad thing. Perhaps I lack the farsightedness of the author, but I don't see the downside to teaching children acceptance and punishing the intolerant and ignorant members of society. 7. It defeats the State’s Purpose of Benefiting Marriage “[Homosexuality marriage’s] primary purpose, objectively speaking, is the personal gratification of two individuals whose union is sterile by nature. It is not

entitled, therefore, to the protection the State extends to true marriage.” The adoption rate of homosexual couples is increasing significantly each year. Census polls show that from 2000 to 2009, the percentage of homosexual couples who have adopted children went from 8% to 19%. By this logic, should we not cut government funding of married couples who don’t want children or perhaps can’t have children? 6. It Does Not Create a Family but a Naturally Sterile Union “Traditional marriage is usually so fecund that those who would frustrate its end must do violence to nature to prevent the birth of children by using contraception.” I wouldn’t go as far as to call birth control “violence to nature”. The fertility of a couple is not what marriage is about. There are over 7 billion people on Earth, maybe more of us should start wearing

rubbers. 5. It Turns a Moral Wrong into a Civil Right “Same-sex ‘marriage’ opposes nature.” Whose nature? Homosexuality is quite common in the animal kingdom, a prime example being the dwarf chimpanzee. All signs point to homosexuality being a part of our nature, and there is zero evidence to prove otherwise. The whole concept of homosexuality “going against nature” comes from years of ignorance and blind speculation. 4. It Validates and Promotes the Homosexual Lifestyle “Legal recognition of same-sex ‘marriage’ would necessarily obscure certain basic moral values, devalue traditional marriage, and weaken public morality.” The validation of homosexuality benefits society and public morality; at least more so than persecution and ostracization. What is so morality destructive

izens based on language. Being refused a job is a hard thing to accept. It means you are not good enough and lack what it takes to get what you want. However, being refused your rights as a human being is something that is even harder to accept. I experienced this first-hand when I attempted to buy a ticket to get on the metro. Being fluent in both French and English, I did not see a problem in requesting to buy a ticket in English, which is an official language of the country we live in. Unfortunately, the man working be-

hind the counter did not see it the same way and took offense, refusing to serve me if I did not speak French. I was denied service not because the man couldn’t understand me, but rather because he chose not to serve me. This is a man working for the government of Quebec, and so, a man whom I should be able to trust and rely on. The humiliation and indignation I felt at that moment were overwhelming. I decided there and then that I must take a stand against this injustice. Another example of the extreme measures that are currently being taken

by Marois’s subordinates is the Pastagate Affair. Language officials who work for the government warned the owner of a restaurant called Buonanotte to remove the word “pasta” from the menu or he would be fined. In any other part of the country, this type of demand would be deemed preposterous. Requiring an Italian restaurant to not use an Italian word, one which is recognised internationally as the proper term for the dish, is not necessary to maintain the French culture, which is what the Office Québécois de la Langue Française (OQLF) claim to be doing.

Language wars CHRISTIAN BIANCHET CONTRIBUTOR

As proud Quebecers, born and raised in the city of Montreal, we are becoming aware that this city and province are becoming more and more inhospitable to outsiders and insiders alike. On September 4, 2012, the population of our province decided that Pauline Marois, the leader of the Parti Quebecois (PQ), was to be the next Premier to govern us. Allowing someone with separatist views like her to govern was the first mistake we made. A province full of unrest does not need a tyrant who will pit us against each other, but rather a leader who can unify us all. Indeed, while the English-speaking population of Quebec is a minority, that does not mean that Mrs. Marois has the right to strip us of our rights and walk all over us. If we let such injustice continue to occur, we are jeopardizing the future of our province. Our indignation must be focused into finding a way to stop this unethical segregation of cit-

PQ after wining the provincial election

photo credit: ctvnews.ca

about acceptance and free will? 3. It Always Denies a Child Either a Father or a Mother. “It is in the child’s best interests that he be raised under the influence of his natural father and mother.” But what if a child’s “natural father and mother” don’t want him or her? What if they put him or her up for adoption? Is it not better for that child to find a family to look after him or her? A child needs love and nurturing, and there is no proof or reasoning that says that two men or two women can’t offer him or her a family environment. 2. It Violates Natural Law “Any situation which institutionalizes the circumvention of the purpose of the sexual act violates natural law and the objective norm of morality.” Antagonizing anyone who has sex for pleasure rather than reproduction is archaic. We live in a post-sexual revolution period of human history and people are still talking about the dangers of premarital sex. This is not a criticism of homosexuality; this is a statement that attempts to validate sexual repression. 1. It Is Not Marriage “Calling something marriage does not make it marriage.” Yes it does. If we as a society decide that homosexual union is a form of marriage, there’s nothing that can be said that can refute that. These aren’t moral arguments, they are old beliefs being pushed on a modern society that has outgrown them. People who refute the validity of homosexual marriage will always exist, just as racists and neo-Nazis do.

Not only was the request ignored, but since the owner has spread the story to the media, the OQLF was humiliated to the point that they had no choice but to revoke the demand and provide an apology to the owner. Shortly after the incident, the head of the OQLF resigned from her post. This just goes to show how ridiculous the measures being taken by these officials truly are. It also shows that if we stand up against such injustices, there is no wrong that can’t be righted. Many anglophones living in Quebec are, in fact, avid supporter of the preservation of the French language and culture of this province. That does not, however, mean that they agree with the methods being used or with denying people their basic rights as humans. Not allowing someone to use public transportation because they don’t speak French? Absurd. Not allowing restaurants to describe dishes based on their original name? Unthinkable. If we allow this to continue, it can go from shoddy service in public transportation to incarceration simply because you speak a different language. This is no longer preservation, but rather discrimination.

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Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 14

14 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Don’t be a jackass JOSHUA GABERT-DOYON STAFF WRITER

On Easter Friday, I ignored all of my prior commitments and spent the entire day watching Jackass. It seemed like the right thing to do on a day that celebrates the time that bearded man (literally) defied death. I ate peanut-butter-banana sandwiches and laughed till my gut hurt while Steve-O, Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera and other ruffians chipped away at 10,000 years of human advancement. Jackass’s concept is simple: watching people hurt themselves is, and will always be, supremely funny. It’s the same principle that brought Vaudeville entertainers to popularity in the late 19th century. Slapstick comedy is one of the oldest forms of entertainment. What makes Jackass so different (and intriguing) is its ability to capture a massive youth audience. Did they capture rebellion? Or was it a “post-rebellion” born out of self-deprecating humoUr? Is there even such thing as a “post-rebellion”? When is the post-post rebellion? The show was first aired on MTV in April of 2000. It ran for about two years before spawning five Jackass movies (three feature-length films and two compilations of unused footage). In January 2001 a U.S. Senator publicly criticized the show, citing copy-cat incidents of kids setting themselves on fire as proof of the show’s bad influence. The senator’s pleas did little to stop the show’s momentum. The rag-tag group of skaters and entertainers continued to submerge themselves in vats of poop and hurt themselves in an uncountable number of slingshot-related antics. Millions tuned in to watch the shocking sadomasochism of the Jackass crew play out. Born from an article Johnny Knoxville pitched to Big Brother Magazine (which involved Knoxville acting as a test dummy for self-defense equipment) and the exploits of the CKY collective (headed by Bam Margera who would go on to be a professional skateboarder of considerable fame), Jackass is undoubtedly an extension of the skate culture. They are the archetype of a “bad example” - the kids your mother warned you about. Steve-O, a professional clown, was picked up by the show in its early days. In Steve-O’s first stunt, he swallowed a goldfish and struggled laboriously to vomit it back up, dry heaving for several minutes in a Florida parking lot. Director Spike Jonze (Being John Malkovich, Where the Wild Things Are) was also an integral part of the show, taking a behind the camera role. Whether subconsciously or purposefully, the Jackass crew reflected an entire generation’s discontent by dressing up as old people, jumping into ceiling fans and asking taxidermists to stuff their grandmother. When the crew weren’t hurting and humiliating themselves, they were dedicated to offending others: filming the disgusted expressions and wide-eyed reactions of figures of authority and the public at large. Margera’s parents were often the victims of abuses, Margera’s father, Phil, especially. “Comedy often turns on a clash between a son’s and father’s will,” said

crazy

Northrop Frye, although it could be argued that Jackass played off of the clash between youth and patriarchal authority itself. Why did the show originate at the time it did? How does it make any sense that a show with such a simple, crude premise would rake in millions of dollars over 10 years? James Malanowski blames hoverparents: “Watching a show in which people revel in being irredeemably stupid is a way of sending a message to achievementobsessed parents,” wrote the journalist in a New York Times article published in late 2000. But Malanowski’s conclusion seems too easy: the show’s more complex than that. It’s the juxtaposition between the absurd and the satirical that really makes it a perfect spokesperson for a country that voted in a president who would let Americans know that he believed “human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” Think about this: when the show first premiered, unemployment was at around 3.9% in the United States, and by the time Jackass 3-D hit theatres, it had risen to 9.6%. The show spanned through 9/11 and the American Invasion of Afghanistan. Near-death and terror to contrast actual death and terror, Jackass was on the front lines. Was a midget fighting a swan the perfect reaction to a military-industrial economy? Would a show like Jackass survived in a thriving, peaceful economy? By around 3 o’clock, I had exhausted all the episodes of Jackass I could find on tel-

photo credit: tumblr

evision, and moved onto the Netflix-provided Jackass feature films (which are essentially one long episode, sometimes with some interviews or behind the scenes footage). One prank in the original Jackass film has cast members hiding in the trees of a golf course and seting off a blow horn whenever a golfer would tee-off. The Jackass feature-length fuck-arounds are especially of note because of the high proportion of skits that display Jackass’ particular resentment (a fun-loving sort of resentment, if resentment is even the right word to use) for the gatekeepers of capitalism. Hysterical laughter can be heard when a pair of pastel-clad men lose their shit and start hitting golf balls towards the pranksters. “Who’s the real jackass?” the show seems to be asking. Simplicity was like a desperately repeated safe-word when it came to Jackass’s production. Minimal set up, introductions were usually limited to “Hi this is so-andso and this is the-such-and-such-a-skit.” Anything further usually involved a breakdown of the fourth wall and an opportunity to look at the production of the show. By the time the show had ended, cameramen had become de facto members of the cast. In this respect, Jackass subverted the traditional reality-show model that aimed to create an illusion that participants were not influenced by the fact they were being watched (commonly known as the participant-observation effect). Jackass had no such investment in illusion – they brought an anti-corporate message. Sure

some of the guys were sponsored skateboarders or entertainers, but an inside look into the production of the show presents a complete dismantling of the well imaged company hoping to protect its branded illusion. Vomiting was a central motif throughout the 11 years of Jackass, although that didn’t stop me from enjoying an Easter dinner at around 6 o’clock. Take the “Paper Cuts” stunt, an extremely unnerving and uncomfortable clip where members of the Jackass crew give each other paper cuts in the webs of their toes and fingers. I managed to hold down my turkey and potatoes, but within a few minutes the cameraman was vomiting on screen: a symbolic gesture lost on many. When the vomit is examined and embraced for all the metaphorical depth it holds, it becomes clear that blowing chunks is the ultimate rejection of society that is internally corrupt and uninspiring. What’s more, when one member vomits, chances are several others are hurling chunks by the end of the scene, sick from the smell of bile and digestive juices - revolutionary spirit catches on quick. It’s a clear and literal expulsion of all that unnatural: the small-town mentality, the rampant consumerism, the closed-minded old folk, not being emerged in a vat of poop, etc. Irony is nowhere to be found in Jackass the skits are fundamentally anti-ironic. But in another sense, they’re an integral part

of the evolution that led to the ironic tshirt culture that would develop in the dusk of Bush’s presidency. Irony only becomes necessary when anti-ironic movements have developed. “Irony is the song of a bird that has come to love its cage,” goes the old saying; Jackass marks the end of post-60s dissent. The sadomasochism it embodied was a reflection of a frustrated rebellion that would feed the popularity of thick-rimmed glasses and fixed gear bikes. “What were they [the Jackass collective] really expressing, apart from some violent jackassery of the American soul, like Hunter S. Thompson without the books?” James Parker asks in his article about the show in The Atlantic magazine. Parker hits the show head on: the ambiguity of its message and its commitment to seemingly worthless television is what makes Jackass so great. It goes beyond absurdity; reflecting an audience of youth in the post Y2K cultural wasteland. Jackass is our generation’s Hunter S. Thompson – it’s a post-modern social critique complete with alligators and ski-dos. And you know what – maybe it’s alright that Jackass was limiting itself to that, maybe for three seconds, alligators and ski-dos were the pinnacle of rebellion, a general sentiment reflected in nipple pinches and shrub diving. What more could one ask for on the day Jesus came back from the dead?

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Master 20 Issue - SM last one:The Master 13-04-10 9:50 PM Page 15

15 EDITOR: Justin Giglio CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

WASTOID ANONYMOUS RESIDENT DRUG ABUSER

I used to be super into electronic music. And by super into I mean I was a massive part of the scene. I had a website that I started with a friend and worked closely with promoters and the whole she-bang. I was a pretty key player complete with the whole backstage shit. I was a EDM VIP to say the least. Two summers ago I went on a pretty big bender. It all started at the Telus Theatre in downtown Montreal and ended with me in Ontario... it was a crazy weekend for sure. I was at the Flux Pavillion show with my boyfriend at the time and we were going pretty hard. I was kind of bummed because a lot of my friends were leaving to go to WEMF (The

World Electronic Music Festival) the next day and I didn’t land a ticket because I loafed too hard. Either way I was still having a good time at Flux pounding back drinks in and railing mass amounts of coke in the crowd. That was the best part about dating a drug dealer. Free drugs, which was necessary if you wanted to have a good time at a dubstep show. As the music was pumping and I was flying I felt my

phone vibrate in my pocket. I looked at the caller I.D. and saw it was my boss from the electronic music website calling me. Panic started creeping up my collar. I hated talking to my boss when I was on drugs because I didn’t want him to know that I loved my cocaine. and mdma. and e. and k. and everything else. It was purely unprofessional. I showed my boyfriend my phone as my bosses name flashed across the screen. His eyes grew wide and shouted in my ear over the bass: “ANSWER IT!” I walked outside to get some fresh air and compose myself before calling him back. As I lit a smoke with shakey cocaine hands I hit the call back button. “Hey Velma. What’s up?” “Oh not much, just at the Flux show. How are you?” I said, licking my lips making my cottonmouth worse. So I took a drag of my cigarette thinking of how to sound normal without sounding too forced. Which look-

ing back on it now probably just made me sound retarded. “I’m good. How would you feel about going to WEMF?” “You know I would kill to get a ticket, but that’s not possible so why are you bringing it up?” I was annoyed he would even ask me this since he already knew my stance on the issue. “Well maybe you won’t have to kill anyone. Maybe I got you a ticket.” H e said,

sounding a little bit giddy over the phone. “Well.... even if you did get me a ticket... how am I going to get there? It’s a 6 hour drive away and I have no car, no money and.. yeah... nothing.” I was getting more and more annoyed with this conversation. It was like dangling crack in front of a crack baby. “What if I told you I have a ride arranged for you with my cousin?” I was speechless. So I opted for a haul of my cigarette instead. “Velma? Are you still there?” “Yep.” I squeaked out. “How did you...? I’m confused.” “I’ll explain tomorrow morning. Meet me at the office at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow and I’ll give you your paycheck in cash tomorrow and bring you to your ride.” I hung up, bewildered. I ran up to my group of friends and told them the good news. We all rejoiced and agreed we’d meet at the campsite at WEMF the next day at 3:00 p.m. The next morning I got to the office extremely hung over and strung out from the night before, but I was on time which was the only thing that mattered. As I piled into a packed car with 4 complete strangers I started to get worried. To staunch my nerves I decided to pass out for the entire ride to Ontario. It was the only way I could avoid awkward conversations with people I didn’t know. Also they we’re talking in really fast slang french that my exhausted brain could not handle. We arrived at WEMF an hour late, but still earlier than all our other friends. We decided to pitch our tents and start drinking. I was wildly unprepared and was only starting to realize that now. I had 2 shirts, a pair of shorts, a blanket, a camera and a handful of stickers. Everyone was unloading coolers of food and drinks and the whole nine yards. I facepalmed. Of course. This was a 3 day long festival... not a day trip to a cabin. But I was already here and had 300$ to burn so I was feeling pretty good. I cracked open a beer one of the boys handed me and that’s when the party started. My friends arrived and I threw my shit in their tent. I scouted out a dealer, bought 2 pills of MDMA, opened my mouth and down the hatch they went. It was time to party. and party fucking hard. After about an hour I still couldn’t feel the MDMA as much as I wanted, I ran into my friend Jessie and she gave me a pill of 2C-B... or maybe it was 2C-I.... I can never tell with these shady research chemicals. But it went down smooth enough. After that I won’t ever forget what the lights did then. They started moving off the stage onto the sky. They were running into the universe on magical bass wings. It was majestic. So majestic I almost wanted to cry. But instead I popped another MDMA and continued dancing and flailing around. So happy to be amongst hot, sweaty friends in a field in the middle of Ontario dancing to music that I loved. The night passed in a blink of an eye, all of us frantically running from one end of the festival to the next to catch all the shows. All of us dancing and singing and making new friends... It was heaven. The next morning we all woke up after a nice little cracked out nap. I was

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feeling pretty gross and sweaty from the tent so we decided to go swimming in the lake. We all popped our first pills of the morning and moseyed on over to the shuttle bus. Swimming in the lake was awesome. It felt good to wash off 2 days of party grease. We all sipped on beers and decided to cook up some food. I ran into one of my friends Kevin. I love Kevin. Kevin is one of my best friends. He was one of the people that got me into the EDM scene in the first place. He asked me if I had ever tried Fentanyl. I knew Fent was wack. I had seen all my friends fucked up on it. It’s a morphine patch that you freebase. I knew it was fucked. So I did it. We huddled in a tent in the bright sunny day, the tent absorbing the heat, giving off that muffled, sweaty, humid feel tents do during the day. Kevin put a piece of Fent on a piece of tin foil and showed me how to freebase. I inhaled that shit. And was onto a whole. other. level. We stumbled to his camper because we didn’t want to be around people. As we walked there I started stretching in the sun, the mix of MDMA and Fent made me feel amazing. I felt like I was a fucking heroin. I felt godly. After a few more hits of this I started feeling really sick. As Fent will do that to you. I realized I hadn’t eaten in almost 48 hours so I stumbled to the snack shack and me and Kevin bought a poutine. Which we ate 2 bites of then threw away. We met back up with people to claim more beers. The more I drank the more the nausea passed. Jes s ie and her

boyfriend were doing whippets so I sat down with them and shared a few balloons. By this point I was starting to get really messed up and it wasn’t even 3:00 p.m. yet. I dug my cocaine out of my bag and did some of that to even myself out. Then I blacked out for a few hours. When I came to I was standing in the middle of a set. Looking around confused I realized I was watching Infected Mushroom. Kevin laughed at me and asked if I was ok. I just told him I blacked out. He gave me a line of K and we continued to party. Then a thunderstorm rolled in. t was a beast of a storm. Rain, winds... total insanity. We ran back to the camper with a few other people and hid inside. Here we started binging for real to pass the time till the shows were put back on. One of our friends couldn’t stop crying because her ex boyfriend was dating another girl. She kept insisting for another pill of E, which she obviously did not need. After about 2 hours of this non stop awkwardness we looked at the clock. It was 7:00 a.m. and there was a moombahton set going on. Me and this french girl took off running through the damp fields to make there. Slipping and sliding, only the warriors were still up. There were maybe 20 of us in the crowd and we were having a blast. Bumping, grinding, flailing to absolutely awesome moombahton. I remember pounding back the last of my speed and coke and just enjoying the last few hours of the festival and thinking “Life is good right now, tomorrow it’s going to suck. But right now... it’s god damn near perfect.”

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16 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: Daniel Sailofsky CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Super Subban Norris candidate JACOB COHEN SPORTS EDITOR

When asked to impersonate P.K. Subban on camera, both Brendan Gallagher and Travis Moen thought carefully for several moments before deciding to simply stare directly into the camera with an earto-ear grin. P.K. has been all smiles since day one, no matter the circumstances. As little as a year ago Montreal’s top defenseman had critics around the league. People were saying he was too flashy, too rash, and should calm down and try to model himself after a defenseman like Alex Pietrangelo of the St. Louis Blues – a cool-headed, smooth skating defenseman Subban’s critics have very quickly been silenced by none other than number seventy-six himself. Subban leads all defenseman in points, goals, and power-play points. His points total will surpass the thirty-two he amassed last season, and could even beat his career record of thirtyeight in 2010-2011. Oh and yeah, all while playing thirty-four less games. So many factors have contributed to the Canadiens’ unimaginably successful season: a healthy Andrei Markov and Brian Gionta, the additions of Brandon Prust, Alex Galchenyuk, Brendan Gallagher, Francois Bouillion and ‘the beauty’ Colby Armstrong, and of course the change in management and coaching. But the elevated play of P.K. Subban cannot be overlooked as a big contribution to the team’s success.

Fans were disappointed when head coach Michel Therrien banned the coveted triple-low-five. A classic celebration after a win, the triple-low-five was something to look forward to after a big win. But Subban has found a new tradition to replace that post-game tradition. At the end of the warm-up once the rest of the team has left the ice, Subban stays on and practices one-timers with a teammate (often Lars Eller). Fans flock to the Bell Center early now to catch a glimpse of the superstar working his magic. Vulcanized rubber flies into the top corners and off the crossbar, leading to an ovation as P.K. leaves the ice. Practice has made perfect for Subban, who has been brilliant on the power play along side Andrei Markov. Subban’s modest 22:58 of average ice time per game (good for fourty-third amongst defenseman) gives more reason to be impressed with his play this season: he’s keeping up with the best while playing fewer minutes than the top blue-liners around the league. It is his massive contribution that P.K. brings to every aspect of the Canadiens game coupled with average ice-time that has him in the conversation for the Norris Trophy. The Norris Trophy – best defenseman of the year – takes into account overall statistics as well as impact to his team. Along with Subban names such as Ryan Suter,

Kris Letang and Niklas Kronwall are being thrown

around. While these are the four highest scoring d-men in the league, it is their impact that makes them so crucial. Each of them top defenseman on their teams, all four will receive legitimate consideration. But here’s what I think: Letang is currently out with a

broken toe. While Letang has quarterbacked his team from the back-end as per usual, missing serious time due to injury can jeopardize player’s chances at hardware. Letang has only played 28 games this season due to several injuries, and if he misses much more because

of this toe injury, Letang could be quickly booted from Norris conversation. As for Suter and Kronwall, it is the position of their teams that makes Subban a little better than both. Minnesota and Detroit currently sit eighth and sixth respectively, and expectations for the two teams were much higher than the Canadiens. Consider this: Minnesota’s spending spree over the summer lead to a drastic increase in expectations in Minnesota. Deep pockets traditionally mean spring hockey, and while Minnesota surely will not complain with sixth place, home ice advantage would have been preferred. Suter has done his job, leading a mostly unknown Minnesota defense this season, but his contributions have certainly not been spectacular. He has done the job that was needed of him. He hasn’t been spectacu-

lar. Expectations are always high in “hockey city” (Detroit, not Montreal. I know) and the departure of Nick Lidstrom left a massive hole on the blue-line. Kronwall has done very well to keep his team in playoff contention, playing his usual rugged and physical style while putting up big points on the Wings’ top power-play. What tips Subban over edge for me is that Montreal finished fifteenth in the east last season. However many factors contributed to that finish (see fourth paragraph) Subban’s strong play has largely influenced the Habs’ place in the standings – the Canadiens have a narrow lead on the Northeast division. With four of five northeast division teams in the playoffs right now, Montreal’s placement is that much more impressive. The only question remains: where can P.K. go? After taking such a massive leap this year, how much more can Subban improve? Setting career numbers during a shortened season will boost his confidence, and if Subban can continue to grow, Montreal could soon be home to one of the NHL’s best defenseman. Those early season negotiations are looking pretty good right now. Kudos to Bergevin for locking him up, and let’s hope contract negotations go smoothly once this current deal runs out. Given his play, we will most likely be looking at a big money deal. All stats courtesy of nhl.com

Sports editor top 10: NBA point guards

Chris Paul and Russell Westbrook, 1A and 1B

DANIEL SAILOFSKY SPORTS EDITOR

In this week’s Top 10, I rank the best point guards in the NBA, based on their abilities right now (sorry, Steve Nash). I will take into account this year’s offensive performances, leadership intangibles and (gasp!) defence. Basically, this is a list of which point guards I would want on my team if (when) I become an NBA GM. Remember that this is just one man’s opinion, but also remember that I know more than you and have no fan-bias, so you’re probably wrong. 1. Chris Paul: The leader of Lob City, Chris Paul commands the floor on both

Photo Credit: yardbarker.com

ends like no other point guard in the NBA, and no one can turn it on in the clutch quite like CP3 can. His traditional stats (17.0P, 9.6A, 3.7R) may not be at the same level as some of the other guys on this list, but that’s only because Paul only decides to take over in the fourth quarter. Just wait for the playoffs. 2. Russell Westbrook: Please spare me the “Russell Westbrook is not a point guard” crap. The definition of a point guard has changed since the days of pass first, pass second guys like John Stockton and Jason Kidd. Russ gets to the rim and scores like no other point guard (save Kyrie Irving, maybe) uses his lightning quick feet to wreak havoc on defence. In OKC’s isoheavy offence, Westbrook’s ability to score and create off the bounce combined with

his devastating mid-range game makes him one of the most lethal weapons in the NBA. 3. Tony Parker: The oft-underrated member of the Spurs dynasty, Parker has gotten a chance to shine with the aging of Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobli. Parker’s improved shooting and clever slashing is key to San Antonio’s ultra-efficient offence, and his 20.6 points on 52 (52!) percent shooting is nothing to sneeze at. 4. Kyrie Irving: The young buck on the NBA scene, Kyrie’s incredible handles, ability to finish at the hoop and knockdown shooting has made him one of the most exciting offensive players in the Association. Add in a flair for the dramatic, evidenced by his 54 percent shooting in clutch situation (4th quarter or overtime, less than 5 minutes left, neither team ahead by more than 5 points), and Irving is well on his way to NBA super-stardom. His only knock is that his defence has been sub-par and he has not led the Cavs to a winning season yet, but both of these will come with time. 5. Rajon Rondo: Many Celtics fans will say this is too low, but I think this is about right for Rondo, a slick passer with incredible quickness. He needs to improve his shooting if he hopes to keep defences honest and he gambles for steals a bit too much on the defensive end, but these are minor qualms for a do-everything player like Rondo. He has a tendency to take games off, but when Rondo is engaged and the lights are

the brightest (hello, national TV!), he is something to behold, a triple-double machine who can singlehandedly beat anyone, as the Miami Heat learned last year. 6. Steph Curry: The sweet shooting little guy out of Davidson can beat anyone with his nearly unlimited range (just ask the Knicks after his 54 point outburst) and has developed a nice offensive game around it. He’s become a good passer both in the halfcourt and on the fastbreak, and can play off the ball as well. Though he’s improved tremendously on D since he came into the league, he still needs to improve on that end and prove that he can stay healthy if he hopes to join the NBA’s elite point guards. 7. John Wall: Wall, who has flew under the radar because of his injury troubles and the fact that he plays in Washington, is a one man fastbreak who uses his speed to get to the rim, distribute, and play strong on-ball defence. Wall has averaged 18.0 P, 7.6 A, and 1.3 steals since his return to the Wizards lineup, and perhaps more tellingly, Washington is 21-16 with him compared to 528 without. Their net efficiency (points scored per 100 possessions vs. points allowed) is also 11th in the NBA since his return. He can’t shoot the three to save his life (28% this year, 7% last) though, which could be a problem once teams start to really key in on him. 8. Deron Williams: I’ll start this by saying I’m a pretty big D Will hater, so even putting him this high is tough for me. Once thought of as a challenger to CP3 for best

point guard in the league, Williams has fallen off the grid a bit. He’s just too passive. He can get wherever he wants to on the floor, can shoot the three ball, and passes well, but he just doesn’t command the game like he should. When he’s on his game and engaged, Williams is nearly unstoppable offensively and a strong, surprisingly nimble defender, but too often, this is simply not the case. Brooklyn needs a go-to guy, and D Will just doesn’t seem to want the mantel. 9. Ty Lawson: Lawson is the little engine that leads the fastbreaking highlight express of the Denver Nuggets. Lawson is what makes this team go, with his smart passing, devastating speed, and underrated outside shooting (36% from 3). He’s also a pesky defender, averaging 1.5 steals for the turnover happy Nuggets. 10. Mike Conley: This may be a surprise to many (supposed) NBA fans out there, but any basketball purist has to love Conley’s game. He controls the tempo for the Grizzlies, can score as well as distribute, and plays one hell of a defensive game. His 2.3 steals per game (3rd in the league) don’t even begin to show his defensive contribution, as he is a big part of Memphis’s top ranked defense. Just missed the cut: Damian Lillard Honorable mentions: Goran Dragic, Greivis Vasquez, Brandon Jennings Omitted: Derrick Rose (injury) Stats courtesy of espn.com, basketballreference.com, and 82games.com.

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17 EDITOR: Jacob Cohen CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

Louisville headline JOSH BATEMAN STAFF WRITER

The 75th NCAA basketball championship game began exactly how a championship game should. The high flying, faced paced, shooting clinic demonstrated by both Louisville and Michigan kept every viewer on their edge of their seats throughout the game. With Michigan guard and national player of the year Trey Burke and Louisville’s Russ-diculous Smith both averaging 25 points per game in this tournament, everyone expected it would be these two putting on a show.

Instead it was sharpshooting bench players Mike “Spike” Albrecht and Chris Hancock that led the way in the first half, giving the 74,326 fans in the Georgia Dome as well as the millions watching back home one of the most exciting halves of basketball this year. With Burke in early foul trouble, Albrecht, who averaged 1.8 points per game in the regular season, took it to the Cardinals, hitting all but one field goal and going 4/4 from beyond the arc to total 17 fist half points. This shattered his previous season high of 7 points and propelled the Wolverine to an early 12 point lead. With the Louisville Cardinals down by 12 points and Smith struggling from the

Trey Burke delivers the block of the tourny (but called a foul!) on Peyton Siva

Kevin Ware cuts down the net after Louisville’s big win

Photo Credit: espn.go.com

field (1/8 in the early going), Hancock’s knockdown three point shooting kept Louisville in it, closing the gap to one point at the half. Veteran point guard Peyton Siva stepped up in the second half for the Cardinals, running the Louisville fastbreak to perfection and playing with energy and tenacity on both sides of the ball. Siva finished the game with 18 points, six rebounds, five assists and four steals, a balanced stat line that reflected his all around play in the game. With Michigan’s Mitch McGary finding himself nailed to the bench because of early foul trouble, Louisville big man Chane Behanan controlled the paint, finishing with twelve boards. Benahan’s strong work on the glass can be summed up with one play late in the second half, when the Cardinal forward grabbed two consecutive offensive rebounds before

muscling in a putback to extend Louisville’s lead. Trey Burke and the Wolverines were not going to go down easy though, and despite taking a beating under the rim they continued to attack. With Albrecht going cold (and perhaps staying in the game a tad too long) and McGary on the bench, Burke poured in 24 points to keep Michigan in the game. The physicality and full court press of the Louisville Cardinals was too much for even the national’s best player to overcome though, as the Cardinals held on to win their first national championship since 1986. After Kevin Ware’s devastating leg injury the week prior, Louisville was determined to be the ones to cut down the nets as the last team standing. Overcoming 12 point deficits in both the Final Four and the championship game, the Cardinals out willed their op-

Photo Credit: siphotos.tumblr.com

ponents and reserved themselves a spot in history. April 8th 2013 will be a day that goes down in history. Not only did the Cardinals overcome one of the most gruesome injuries witnessed on a basketball court, but the man behind the players, Rick Pitino did what no coach has ever done before. With the 1996 championship with Kentucky already under his belt, Pitino became the first ever coach to win an NCAA basketball championship with two different schools, justifying his induction to the basketball Hall of Fame earlier that same day. In a tournament that gave us some of the most exciting moments of the sports year, this championship game was a perfect way to cap it off. The best team in the tournament won the best game of the tournament, and both teams could leave with their heads held high.

I can’t believe that just happened CORY SCHNEIDER CONTRIBUTOR

When you think of a high ranking executive of a major sports franchise a few words come to mind: Wisdom, business prowess, fancy degrees. However, in addition to these lovely qualities, some NHL General Managers have the distinct privilege of being complete and utter morons. Before we explore further why I think these GM’s are insane for making the moves they did I should clarify that everything is of my own opinion and generally speaking there is no good reason you should actually believe anything I’m saying; decide for yourself. The trade deadline provided several NHL executives to showcase their inept abilities at grading hockey talent. My personal favourite, (being a bit of a Nashville Predators fan) came in the dying minutes of the 3 pm ET NHL trade deadline when it was announced

that the Washington Capitals had made a trade. For the next hour no information had leaked about which players were dealt until finally it was announced that Capitals had acquired Martin Erat and Michael Laata from Nashville in exchange for highly touted prospect Filip Forsberg. Now I’m not saying Capitals GM George McPhee is a complete idiot for making this trade, oh no wait yes I am. Personally, I like Martin Erat, and Laata should become a serviceable NHLer, but they are not a good enough return for the price they paid. The Capitals were the envy of the hockey community when in last summer’s 2012 NHL entry draft, Forsberg, then predicted to be selected with one of the top five picks, fell to the eleventh spot where he was nabbed by the Capitals. Instead of protecting their coveted prize, McPhee and the capitals decided to ship off the 18 year old prospect (what

have I done with my life) to the Predators for a dwindling talent that has never had a 60 point season and guy that has a chance of making the big leagues. Also Erat requested a trade from Nashville, which you would think would put Washington in control of negotiations but alas that is too much to expect from a professional business man apparently. Lastly is my favourite of all moves, the contract extension that Alexander Semin received. This move makes me chuckle as much as Semin’s name makes a 6th grader. Sure Semin is having a good year, at exactly a point-per-game pace in fact, but not good enough to warrant a five year contract that sees him make $7 million in each year of that deal; which is given to a guy that has accomplished absolutely nothing of substance in his career. Here we are, wounds still fresh from yet another lockout that was supposed to stop ludicrous contracts, and then the

Carolina Hurricanes went and gave $35 million to a guy that might be best known for fighting like his foe is a tickle me Elmo doll. To put this into perspective, Hurricanes GM signed this deal just days after Corey Perry of the Anaheim Ducks received a deal that sees him paid $8.625 million per year. While that is still an outrageously large amount, Perry has been named an All-star on multiple occasions, won a Stanley Cup, won Olympic gold in 2010, led the league in goals in 2011, and won the Hart Memorial Trophy for league MVP in the same year. Naturally Rutherford thought it would be wise to give only $1.625 a year less to Semin who has accomplished a grand total of 0 of these feats. I guess what I’m trying to say is, for all those who are graduating this semester and have no idea what they’re going to do, don’t worry, several NHL GM’s get paid very well and they have no idea what they’re doing either.

Photo Credit: cdn.bleacherreport.net

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18 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: Monika Cefis CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

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19 VOL. 41 ISSUE 20 - Thursday, April 11, 2013

EDITOR: Monika Cefis CONTACT: theplantnewspaper@gmail.com

Comics

Zach Silberberg

Catherine Mcrae

H o r o s c o p e s written by Zachariah, Messenger of the Stars and Michelangelo, Seer of Truths

Aquarius

Gem ini

Libra

January 20 to February 19 Be weary of the religious influence in your life, for it may lead you astray. Become a vehement atheist and reject the ideas that religion imposes on you. But don’t stop there. Become alinguist and reject the rules of grammar and language. Stop eating what society tells you is “food”. Eat dirt and scrap metal. You are a free spirit.

May 21 to June 20 See if you and some cohorts can conquer a small community of people who are less technologically advanced than yourselves. Make it illegal for them to do math and throw things at them if they conspire against you.

September 23 to October 23 Don’t forget to take any advice given to you by anthropomorphic animals with a grain of salt. They’re probably on drugs and might be trying to trick you into giving them money.

Scorpio Pisces February 20 to March 20 Try strengthening your village’s sense of community by hosting a pizza party or a witch hunt. Ethnic cleansing is a viable third option.

Cancer June 21 to July 22 Though, through, plough, and tough all have the same last four letters, yet they do not rhyme. Science has no explanation for this phenomenon. The world is sometimes a scary and confusing place.

October 24 to Novermber 22 Don’t ignore potentially important “junk” email. You could be giving up some exciting new opportunities. I once replied to an ad for a penis enhancement pill and was approached by a secret society. I was briefly the center of a very large global conspiracy. These are things you can add to a résumé.

Sagittarius Aries

Leo

March 21 to April 19 Public transportation is a great way to meet new people. Sing catchy tunes on the bus to make friends and then give them all high fives. Never break eye contact with your new friends. Follow them places.

July 23 to August 22 This week, certain Eastern Asian cultures celebrate the ancient Rajbago festival of indecision. The week culminates into “Maybe Pants Day” where we silently reflect upon the stigma surrounding the removal of one’s pants in public. Everyone still wears pants though and then there’s a big family dinner.

Taurus

Virgo

April 20 to May 20 Never run with Scissors. Scissors is the name of a South African sprinter who won the gold in the 2000 Olympics. Running with him is guaranteed failure, because he will stab you with the pair of scissors he carries in his back pocket. This is how he wins. This is Scissors’ secret. He’s also real fast.

August 23 to September 22 Dipholic tripulation of certain chemical compounds result in the spreading of words and phrases. After a specific reaction between berilium and argonite, the word “Lobster” found itself in Madrid. “Carpe Diem,” a Latin phrase meaning, “Seize the Day,” was virtually nonexistent until a laboratory accident in 1902 violently exploded the saying into the collective vocabularies of scholars worldwide. Mix random chemicals in your own personal lab to create new words, like “trunder” and “hyphoped”.

Novermber 23 to Dec 21 Balloons can be fun, but watch out for bears- they’re attracted to the scent of polychloroprene, the synthetic rubber used to make those colourful, festive sacks of gas. The danger is only increased by the keen sense of smell that bears possess as a result of the vomeronasal organ on the roof of their mouths. Bears also have a reflective lining behind their eyeballs called the terpiditus leviticum, which allows them to see at night, and their many ectosympatic and endotympanic bones form structures in their ears called auditory bullae. These auditory bullae are a lot like balloons, which is another reason why you should generally avoid bears whilst enjoying a balloon.

Capricorn December 22 to January 19 See how long you can go without breathing. Hold your breath a few times and see what your record is. Then raise the stakes by burying yourself alive or paying a friend to drown you. Outlast the odds.

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