The Morningside Monocle Issue XI

XI E iSSU

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Hello.

I am Monocle.

If I am not mistaken, I believe we have a mutual friend --

(small world, isn’t it?)

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A T PEC

S

Well this is

L U C

R A

‘

e here’s s ly u l a a c e r some stuff that will

y c l e k c your fan i t

Table of Contents Writing 5 1L_coldCall 13 7:32a, Times Sq. Station 21 Restatement the First on Etiquette at Columbia Law School

Lisa Xia Lisa Xia Soo Jee Lee

Photography 4 6 7 7 8 12 14 15 16 19 20

116th & Amsterdam Blue In Tanzania Mt. Kilimanjaro Photostory: New York Music Man Running on Haze The Way Home Photostory: Summer in Korea Iran Flowers

Cindy Li Cindy Li Mae Ji Mae Ji Changhee Han Lisa Xia Jae Woo Park Jae Woo Park Changhee Han Mae Ji Lisa Xia

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116th & Amsterdam photo BY: Cindy Li

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1L_coldCall public class ColdCall{ public static void main(String []args){ coldCalls(); are(); tough(); } public static void coldCalls(){ String sOfQuestions, unsympatheticExpectance_hangsInThe___air;

}

int erestingQuestionnn, I_say, thinking; int[] tegral_SecondsPass, and_I, pause = {8}; long seconds;

private static void are() { String someThoughts_together, right, wrong, whatever__desperateToSaySomething, anything;

}

}

try{ //to spew some words System.out.println(“Sure, if I were the plaintiff’s lawyer, ” + “I’d say . . . . “); } catch (Exception allyShortBreaths){ return; }

public static void tough() { short silenceFollowsMyAnswer, andTheProfessorSays; System.out.println(“It looks like you have yourself a strong case.”); }

written BY: Lisa Xia

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blue photo BY: Cindy Li

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in tanzania photo BY: Mae Ji

mt. kilimanjaro photo BY: Mae Ji

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New York, NY photos BY: Changhee Han

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NY cont’d

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NY cont’d

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NY cont’d

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7:32a, times sq. station written BY: Lisa Xia

photo BY: Lisa Xia

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Every morning, he played the piano. He didn’t play the classics, like Für Elise or Moonlight Sonata. No, instead, he would play the Beatles, Billy Joel, and Luther Vandross. Sad, soulful, sweet. He thought New York needed a little bit more of that. Yet no one ever seemed to listen. One foot in front of the other, hurrying past. He learned to recognize some people on their daily commute, not by their faces or attire, but by their blurs. Some walked briskly. They left behind smooth, artistic trails. Others walked less purposefully. With their eyes cast down to their phones, they stepped clumsily around each other in an awkward dance to avoid awkward collisions. Their trails were jumpy and sporadic. He imagined a hummingbird’s erratic flight.

He had always had the mind of an artist. He saw the world differently. He felt the world differently. As a child, he loved comics. When people spoke, he envisioned speech bubbles.

When he heard sounds, he saw the words flash in front of his eyes. In class, he daydreamed about heroes and villains. When he imagined his own life like a comic, he saw himself as a hero to others and a villain to himself. He was unable to shake this feeling for many years.

In college, he spent his time volunteering around campus. He dated women he felt like he could “help”. He often questioned whether he was actually making a difference or not. None of his efforts felt sincere or adequate. He couldn’t figure out why. Did it make him a selfish person to try to help others for his own gratification?

Upon graduation, he left these people behind. He was a journalist now. He no longer sought out individuals who needed his help. He went wherever there was work. He tried to objectively report facts and stories. Though he felt he couldn’t help anyone, he thought maybe his words would reach someone who could. He did this for 38 years. But when he retired, he felt like he had not made a difference in a single person’s life. He felt insignificant. He felt helpless. He felt unhappy. He felt. He felt. He felt.

Often, he thought about his childhood fantasies. A hero to others, a villain to himself. So far, only the latter had been realized.

He played here every morning. Long mourning notes for long mornings. Sometimes, he’d get a dollar or two; sometimes, some coins. On occasion, he’d look down to see a crumpled five or a crisp twenty. He didn’t need the money. He just wanted to be needed.

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Running on Haze photo BY: Jae Woo Park

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The Way Home photo BY: Jae Woo Park

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Summer in Korea photos BY: Changhee Han

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16

Kr cont’d

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Kr cont’d

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Iran photo BY: Mae Ji

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Restatement the First on Etiquette at Columbia Law School

written BY: Soo Jee Lee photo BY: Lisa Xia

Restatement the First on Etiquette at Columbia Law School §1. Under the Shameless Law Student Rule, you may walk into a lunch event and walk out with a serving of the offered food without attending the event itself. a. The minority rule, followed by the few who are either endowed with a conscience or unable to shed their embarrassment, mandates that you stay for at least fifteen minutes of an event to consume the food, unless the food offered is pizza or you reasonably believe that there will be more than enough food for genuine attendees. §2. Asking a 2L about his or her summer job search before November (for private interest students) or April (for public interest students) is an acceptable icebreaker to begin a conversation. a. This is particularly recommended as a conversation starter with strangers or casual acquaintances, as it is a great way of finding common ground between the two of you and quickly eliminate any awkwardness in the conversation. b. If you have secured employment for the summer but the other student has not, you will provide an additional service by reminding the student to write more cover letters. The other student will be very grateful for your help in this regard, though he or she may not demonstrate it. §3. Engage in substantive discussions about your 1L classes with your classmates every time you enter the JG elevators. Be sure to speak loudly and clearly so that everyone in the elevator can hear you. a. Though the others in the elevator may not actively participate in your conversation, be assured that they are deeply impressed by your depth of knowledge and insight into your coursework. §4. Every time you are cold called in class, take an hour or two to fully dissect your cold call afterwards with your friends, who are just as invested as you are in how you come off to the class.

While your cold call was probably either terrible or forgettable, obsessing over it will probably convince everyone you talk to that you were, in fact, brilliant and/or “fine,” and that is what your friends will repeatedly conclude out loud once they have come to this realization. §5. Be sure to check your progress in your readings and/or outlining with everyone around you at every step of the process. Your classmates will be thrilled to have you volunteer such valuable information. a. In addition, constantly talking about your work is likely to help you find the motivation to work more efficiently. b. It is fine to assume that everyone is always interested in your study habits and progress at all times. It is also fine to assume, in general, that the law school revolves around you. §6. Under the Gunner Spotter Rule, if you diligently point out every gunner-like behavior in other students, you yourself will be seen as the “chill” and “cool” student. a. It will also have the additional benefit of discouraging others around you to act in a gunner-like fashion, thus allowing you easier access to the top of the grading curve.

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Restatement the First on Etiquette at Columbia Law School b. This is also your final opportunity to be “cool” in a school setting. Fortunately, you are surrounded by gullible nerds, thus making the task of being “chill” or “cool” much easier. §7. Enlarge the content of your screen as you shop for clothes online or watch funny videos while in class. Those behind you are immensely entertained by such activities but are often frustrated when they cannot read the accompanying text on the screen. §8. Choose your study group members with great precision and forethought. a. It is recommended that you ask everyone in your class for a copy of his or her resume and undergraduate transcript during Legal Methods in order to form the best study group possible. Prospective members may submit case briefs as writing samples during the process. §9. Do not wear brightly colored clothing to class. a. Your outfits should only contain dark gray, navy, faded black, or murky brown. Other colors are acceptable only if they are dark and worn in the form of knitted sweaters, cardigans, or socks. b. This is out of respect for the general atmosphere of intellectual gravity and spiritual decay at the law school. c. This has the added benefit of decreasing your chances of being cold called in class, as you are less likely to stand out from your classmates. §10. Under the Maximizing Tuition Rule, you may use the toilets and other facilities at JG in as thoughtless a manner as you like. a. In fact, the cost of your tuition justifies every act you perform at the law school that may cause any discomfort or inconvenience to others, especially the custodial staff. See also supra §5(b) (noting law school revolves around you).

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T’was truly a pleasure meeting you.

I’ll see you again soon.

But in the meantime,

LET’S KEEP IN TOUCH. I shall be awaiting your telegram (formally called “e-mail”).

My address is monocle@morningsidemuckraker.com