Yes, we found it, the STUDENT way!
For the Record: A Message from Your YUSU President-in-Exile Hello Comrades and Subjects! For those that don’t know me, I ran for YUSU president last year on the serious platform, of building Europe’s smallest plastic bottomed lake, until crooked YUSU rigged the election and I went into exile. I’m just going to stress that the ‘in exile’ part means none of this is my fault. Boris Johnson proroguing parliament, not my fault, Trump being impeached, not my fault, the price of pints going up in Courtyard, not my fault. However, I would like to take sole credit for the prices of First Bus increasing, as I did promise in my manifesto. Although I'm not president, and obviously in exile, I think I scared them into making the move. When judgement day comes, they want to be on my side. Once again I am unable to disclose my location as I’ve had a few ‘heated gamer moments’ when YUSU assassins have attempted to use various means to assassinate me, ranging from ice picks, to a rusty spoon, and contaminating the water supply with the so-called energy drink known as Boost. Of course, all of this has nothing on the YUSU bars campaign to kill alcoholic beverage after alcoholic beverage, so I call upon all my supporters to press F to pay respects to Carlsberg and Strongbow Dark Fruits, which now join Stella Artois in Drink Heaven. I frequently get questions like ‘When will you return from exile?’, ‘Why are you a floating head?’, and ‘why are you such a wanker?’ and I would like to answer those questions but I won’t. However, I will release the transcript of my phone call with the President of Ukraine, to disprove the existence of any ‘Quid Pro Quo’ and if I’m lucky the transcript will also disprove other Latin phrases such as ‘Caeciluis est in Horto’ and ‘Romanes Eunt Domus’. UNCLASSIFIED Declassified by order of the President-in-Exile September 24, 2019 MEMORANDUM OF TELEPHONE CONVERSATION SUBJECT: Telephone Conversation with President Zelenskyy of Ukraine Participants: President Zelenskyy of Ukraine President in Exile Small: Will you investigate Samara Jones for corruption involving Ukraining Oil Companies President Zelenskyy of Ukraine: Errr. President in Exile Small: On a separate note I want to give you 8 billion YoYo Points President Zelenskyy of Ukraine: I will help you take down the YUSU sham democracy [Redacted]: Any explict deal over giving the President of Ukraine YoYo Points in return for investigating Samara Jones
Here I am very carefully not colluding with Ukraine, Russia, or anyone else. Every second, I'm saying in my head, 'Chris, you're a patriot, you're loyal to York. You've done nothing wrong. Excuse me officer? They've declassified my emails, err, this is all fine. I'll just, ahhhh, agggggghhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhh Am I going to be impeached? agggghhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhh
Keep oil exploration on campus, to avoid allegations of corruption involving oil companies in Ukraine
See no so-called ‘Quid Pro Quo’ here! 25
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