September 7, 2023

Dear Readers,

Death is on my mind. Sounds dark, I know. But the LA community has been hit hard, really really hard. I started writing this many days ago, already with these thoughts on my mind. I was inspired by last week’s article by Miriam Hendeles when she wrote about her work with hospice patients, and how she uses music as therapy toward the end of life. She stated that she does not find it depressing, but rather as an opportunity and an inspiration.

Death is not scary to me either, as I, unfortunately, have been present many times. In my role as a nurse, I am often there at the end of life. I know how fleeting life can be. But I’m still not prepared when it’s a shock. When someone, one moment so alive with vitality, the next moment, gone from this world.

And then the comments came rolling in before I could finish my thoughts on paper. A doctor I work with said there’s at least one child in every single one of her four children’s classes who have lost a parent. Another parent told me that there will be four incoming highschool freshmen in one class who have lost a parent. Then I received this week’s Dear Dini advice column with a teacher asking a question on the same exact topic - how to be sensitive to a student who no longer has two parents.

Everyone is asking: What is going on? Is this normal? Did my parents experience this when they were my age? It wasn’t like this when we were children.

All these questions - but no solid answers. It’s Moshiach knocking on our door. It’s someone’s entire world collapsing, it’s the pain that comes before the ultimate redemption.

Then, as usual, the Parsha falls in line with what we’re living through. (Or maybe it’s really that we can always connect our lives to the Parsha). In Parshas Vayelech, Hashem tells Moshe that at the age of 120, he will be dying soon and that he can’t enter Eretz Yisroel. Moshe accepts this from Hashem, and now uses the time he has left to prepare for his death and prepare Bnei Yisroel for what is to come. Moshe informs them he won’t be entering Eretz Yisroel with them, he is transferring the mantle of leadership to Yehoshua, and he writes a Torah to be safely kept next to the luchos. (Unlike Moshe Rabbeinu, we don’t always get the luxury of preparing for death).

Moshe, upon the commandment of Hashem, uses a poem/song to tell Bnei Yisroel that when they sin, it will seem as if Hashem is abandoning them, but He will always be with them when they return in Teshuva. Truly Hashem is just hidden, but He is always there, waiting for Bnei Yisroel to come back. And this is how Clarise Schlesinger also describes Hashem’s presence during the Holocaust, something she realized on her trip to Poland. That Hashem performed miracles during this horrendous time in Jewish history, but we need to see Him where He was, instead of asking where He was not.

In order to truly appreciate life, we have to remember how fleeting it can be. Otherwise we think we have forever to accomplish, we can do it later, we can think of only the past or think of only the future. In order to live a good life, a meaningful life, we need to be aware of death. That our time in this world is finite.

Rabbi Shlomo Brody’s article shares with us the idea of vidui, not just on Yom Kippur, but at the time before our last day, which can be any day.

The message here is that Hashem is always there for us, no matter if we stray, no matter if He is hidden. We can always find Him when we look.

Wishing you a Shabbos where you feel Hashem is close,

Yoel Halpern PUBLISHER publisher@thelajewishhome.com

Sara Halpern EDITOR-IN-CHIEF sara@thelajewishhome.com

Ariela Kauffman MANAGING EDITOR editor@thelajewishhome.com

Avi Heyman PUBLIC RELATIONS avi@thelajewishhome.com

Blimie Weiss HEAD OF SALES blimie@thelajewishhome.com

Bethaney Ang GRAPHIC DESIGN

4221 Wilshire Blvd. Unit #284 Los Angeles, CA 90010 Tel: 213-583-7770

www.TheLAJewishHome.com

The LA Jewish Home is an independent biweekly magazine. Opinions expressed by writers are not necessarily the opinions of the publisher or editor. All submissions become the property of The LA Jewish Home and may be edited for publication. Pictures may be modified at our discretion to conform to standards of modesty in dress. The Jewish Home is not responsible for typographical errors, or for the kashrus of any advertised product or business advertised within.

Shabbos Zemanim

Friday September 8

Parshas Netzavim - Vayelech

Candlelighting: 6:51 pm

Havdallah: 7:53 pm

Rabbeinu Tam: 8:20 pm

Addendum to last week’s Around the Community:

Emek Campus Upgrades

Shalhevet High School Kicks Off an Exciting New Year!

Over the summer, our Magnolia campus underwent a remarkable transformation, receiving a comprehensive beautifying renovation. We installed a pristine football and soccer field with robust turf, and, alongside it, a lush grassy area was cultivated with the introduction of new sod. Additionally, we resurfaced and painted the outdoor

basketball courts. Quite notably, the exterior of the building underwent a complete revitalization, with a fresh coat of paint in vibrant hues. Emek takes great pride in these significant upgrades, as we are constantly dedicated to enriching our campus for the maximum benefit of our cherished Emek families.

Shalhevet’s first full week was filled with lots of learning, special activities, and amazing programs. Here’s what happened: As part of Senior retreat, we had a beautiful Kabbalat Shabbat and Friday night Shabbos meal together with our Senior class. We had a magnificent and magical all-school Seudah Shlishit, Slow Shira, and Havdalah. There’s no better way to start the year than having the entire student body singing together as Shabbos ebbs away. We heard Torah and reflections from two students (Adi Liebenthal and Elishai Khoobian) and divrei chizuk from Mashgiach Ruchani Rabbi Tsaidi.

Rabbi Broner, 9th Grade Dean, hosted a Freshmen Birthday-Month luncheon for new students. We had our first Town Hall of the year! Led by Agenda Chair Rami Melmed, we gathered to discuss antisemitism and Jewish identity around the news of Bradley Cooper’s artificially enlarged nose for his upcoming role as Leonard Bernstein. Many of our clubs, co-curriculars, and athletic teams kicked off their seasons. Special shoutout to Robotics captain Talia Davoudian!

Every day this week at 5am, there were student-athletes in our gym. Kol hakavod to Girls Volleyball, our Basketball teams, and Cross-Country, all of whom woke up at dawn to hone their crafts. And shoutout to our Tennis teams who held tryouts this week.

Our opening Admissions BBQ for the Class of 2028 was on Wednesday night - the energy was incredible! Our faculty celebrated the publication of our own Dr. Harris’s new book, Mastering the Past: Unlocking Excellence in High School History with a book signing. We had an incredibly powerful first boys’ Mishmar of the year on Thursday night - the room was shaking! Looking forward to the girls’ Mishmar this coming week!

We concluded the week heading to Moshava Alevy for the Freshman/Senior Shabbaton. We can’t wait for what week 2 will bring!

Parshas Nitzavim: Connecting the Great Shofar with the Small Shofar

Adapted

for

publication by Binyomin Wolf

In Parshas Nitzavim (Devarim 29:11), the pasuk says that Moshe, on the last day of his life, brought the entire Jewish people together “that you may enter into the covenant and oath…” Why was this necessary?

In last week’s parsha, Ki Savo, Moshe had already gathered everyone together to induct them into a covenant (ibid. 28:69): “These are the words of the covenant…” What is the purpose of these two covenants?

Separately, how are these two covenants related to Rosh Hashana? Parshas Nitzavim is always read before Rosh Hashana. The Gemara (Megillah 31b) explains why the blessings and curses of Parshas Ki Savo are read before Rosh Hashana – to ensure that one year’s curses are finished before beginning a new year. But it does not explain why Parshas Nitzavim, which comes after Ki Savo, is also read before Rosh Hashana. Rabbeinu Nissim Gaon, zt”l, and others, therefore, ask why Chazal instituted that Nitzavim is read before Rosh Hashana. How does it help us prepare for Rosh Hashana?

One of my rebbes, Rav Yoshe Ber Soloveitchik, zt”l, explains in his sefer Al HaTeshuvah – On Repentance that there are two levels to the holiness of the Jewish people: the sanctity of the individual and the sanctity of the nation. Parshas Ki Savo, with all of its particular blessings and curses, contains the covenant between Hashem and the individual Jew. But Nitzavim contains Hashem’s covenant with the Jewish people as a nation – “in order to establish you today to Him as a nation…” (Devarim 29:12).

Rashi explains Moshe’s words of consolation following the curses of last week’s parsha: “Because Hashem has spoken to you and sworn to your fathers not to exchange their children for another nation, He therefore binds you with these oaths…” To strengthen this irreplaceable connection with the Jewish people, Moshe gathered everyone together, even the babies. The Ramban (on ibid. 10) explains this: “And he mentions even the babies… to bring them into the covenant because the covenant was even being entered into with the future generations…” Because the covenant of Parshas Nitzavim was with the entire nation, not simply all of the in-

dividual Jews of the time, it was possible to bind even generations that had not yet been born.

We can now understand the nature of Moshe’s comfort of the Jewish people based on Rashi’s explanation (on ibid. 12): “When the Jewish people heard the [ninety-eight] curses [in Parshas Ki Savo]… their faces turned white and they said, ‘Who can possibly endure these?’ Moshe [therefore] began to appease them.” But how did he comfort them? He did not remove those serious and difficult curses. But based on what we have said, we now understand that he was comforting them as a People, as a nation. He was telling them that with all of the individual suffering that Jews might endure, Hashem’s covenant with the Jewish people as a nation would be eternal. He said, according to Rashi (ibid.), “You have angered the Omnipresent many times, but He did not destroy you, and indeed, you still stand before Him… Just as the day exists [even though] it becomes dark, it shines again. So too, G-d has made light for you, and He will make light for you again in the future.”

Because of this eternal national covenant, Rav Soloveitchik writes (Al HaTeshuva, 132), “In connection with the holiness of the Avos, this sanctity passes by inheritance from Avraham and from Moshe. No sinning person has the power to destroy this vision. The covenant was given over to the totality of the Jewish people…and there is no power that cannot nullify it.” This was how Moshe comforted us after we heard all of the curses that would befall us. He was telling us that no matter what happens, Hashem would never sever His connection with us. We will always remain connected with Him, and no matter what happens, our light will shine again.

Based on this, we can also understand the beginning of next week’s parsha, Parshas Vayelech (Devarim 31:1): “And Moshe went and spoke all of these words to the entire Jewish people.” All of the commentaries ask: Where did Moshe go? What was the purpose of going to the Jewish people on that occasion? According to the Seforno, “He was inspired to comfort the Jewish people over his [impending] death.” How did he comfort them? He was telling them: In a short

time, I will die. Everything I prayed for was to enter Eretz Yisroel. But Hashem did not answer my prayers. I am the head of the nation, its leader – ostensibly I might be considered the greatest Jew. But even I make mistakes, suffer setbacks, and endure suffering. Even I am punished for my sins. But I know that “the Eternity of the Jewish people will not die” (Shmuel I 15:29). An individual Jew may have his failings, but the Jewish people as a nation will make it to the end. They are eternal.

That is why these parshios are read before Rosh Hashana. When we are filled with a fear of “who will live and who will die” and everyone is consumed with his own circumstances and personal suffering, Hashem comforts us by causing us to hear Parshas Nitzavim, in which we are reminded that Hashem made an eternal covenant with us as a nation. We no longer look to our own personal salvation as our sole source of hope. Rather, we look to and live for our national vision, our people’s wondrous future. The covenant of Parshas Nitzavim between the Master of the World and His beloved, between Hashem and the Congregation of Israel, will never be abrogated.

In life, there is the “great shofar” mentioned in Shemonah Esrei, “Sound the great shofar of our liberation,” and there is the “small shofar.” Indeed, if there is a great shofar, it implies that there must also be a small shofar. Rav Kook explains (Igros Haraya II p. 326), “[During] the [shofar] blasts… one must contemplate the fact that the primary strength of the holiness of the Jewish people lies in the eternal world. The root of their holiness is there… This is the simple [shofar blast – tekiyah] before [the broken-sounding shevarim and teruah blasts]. But this power [of the nation’s holiness] must manifest itself in the character traits and in one’s actions [the shevarim-teruah of life]. From the root [the tekiyah], the personality traits and actions [the she-varim-teruah blasts] are rejuvenated.” The great shofar is our national existence. And the small shofar is each Jew’s individual existence. Rav Kook is teaching us that the former must illuminate the latter. We must have both in order to be whole.

The simple, deep sound of the

tekiyah is our eternal national destiny. That is our great shofar, the holiness of the Jewish people as a nation. As the haftorah after Tisha B’Av says, “Nachamu, nachamu ami – be comforted, be comforted, my nation.” And as we say in Shemonah Esrei every day, “Return to Yerushalayim, Your city, with mercy” and “Sound the great shofar of our liberation.” We continually return to our national vision. But the Torah teaches us to join together our own individual small shofars, the details of our lives with all of our failings, difficulties, successes, and suffering, with the great shofar of our national destiny, with all of its hope and promise. This is the greatest comfort.

Unfortunately, many Jewish people live with only one of these two shofars. Some Jews feel very connected to the wellbeing and future of the Jewish people. They follow the news, feel the pain of our people, and recognize that their destiny is bound up with the rest of the Jewish nation. But when it comes to the small shofars of their lives, they do not rectify those with the light of the great shofar. They do not keep Shabbos, eat kosher, or concern themselves with the details of halacha.

And there are other Jews who emphasize all of the fine points of halacha. They worry about their own parochial concerns and try to rectify their own personal religious lives. But they never concern themselves with the wellbeing, destiny, or future of the Jewish people as a whole. The time has come to join together the covenants of Ki Savo with Nitzavim, the welfare of the individual with the welfare of the nation, the great shofar with the small shofar, and the sanctity of the part with the sanctity of the whole. May we merit to make this connection and thereby see the actualization here on earth of that which we say in Shemonah Esrei during Minchah on Shabbos, “You are one, and Your name is one, and who is like Your nation Israel, one nation in the land.”

Rav Moshe Weinberger, shlita, is the founding Morah d’Asrah of Congregation Aish Kodesh in Woodmere, NY, and serves as leader of the new mechina Emek HaMelech.

Rav Moshe Weinberger

Psychosocial Insights Parashat Nitzavim: Unity Through Mutual Responsibility

In Parshat Nitzavim we encounter the concept of mutual responsibility, which holds profound psychological significance pertaining to collective wellbeing. Moshe gathers the entire nation for his final address to renew our covenant with Hashem. Mutual responsibility teaches us that we are connected. Regardless of background, status, or personal journey, every individual is united in this pivotal moment, forming a collective covenant.

The first passuk of the Parsha starts by stating: “Attem nitzavim hayyom kullechem lifnei Hashem - You stand this day, all of you, before Hashem” (Deuteronomy 29:9). The Ohr HaChaim expounds that Moshe gathered every member of the nation from the elderly to the young, to stress that under the renewed covenant every Jew is obligated to help others observe the Torah and create a meaningful life. It is here that the concept of Arevut, often translated as mutual responsibility or collective accountability, is introduced.

The Gemarah in Rosh Hashanah 29a states “kol Yisrael areivim zeh la’zeh,All Israel is responsible for one another.”

viduals, but rather part of a larger community. Just as Bnei Yisrael stood together, we too stand united in the web of human connection. It suggests that individuals are not only responsible for their own behavior but also for the well-being of their fellow community members. The Gemarah Shevuot 39a teaches that the entire Jewish people are considered guarantors for one another to ensure that others don’t come to sin.

Furthermore, the idea of Arevut underscores the importance of empathy. Understanding and sharing in the experiences of others fosters emotional connection and promotes a sense of belonging. This aligns with psychological studies demonstrating that empathy contributes to healthier relationships and increased emotional connections. As mentioned in Pirkei Avot 1:14 “Im ein ani li, mi li. Ucheshe’ani le’atzmi, mah ani. - If I am not for myself, who is for me? But if I am for my own self only, what am I?” Rabeynu Yonah writes on this Mishna that we are unable to reach our full potential when we are only looking out for ourselves. A single thread is like a fragile strand, easily breakable with a little force.

yielding fabric. Bnei Yisrael, like string, can be easily broken alone but powerful when interconnected. We must be accountable to one another because our lives are connected in ways we cannot always see through divine providence.

Here are three concise tips to increase the feeling of mutual responsibility within our community:

• Shared Goals: Establish clear, common objectives that everyone agrees upon and works towards together for a bigger purpose.

• Collaborative Recognition: Acknowledge and celebrate the joint efforts and achievements of the group, reinforcing the sense of shared responsibility. Celebrate in each other’s successes.

• Empathic Awareness: Empathize with each other’s viewpoints, challenges, & perspectives by placing yourself into each other’s shoes. Take time out of your day to check on those who may be struggling.

Parshat Nitzavim’s lesson on mutual responsibility aligns with psychological principles promoting connectedness, empathy, and a sense of purpose. The synergy between Parshat Nitzavim and the principle of Arevut teaches us that our collective strength lies in our unity. As we enter the High Holy Days, a period of reflection and renewal, let us remember that just as our ancestors stood together before Hashem, so too do the ties of Arevut bind us. May we approach this season of introspection with open hearts and minds that bring blessings and renewal to ourselves, our community, and the world at large.

Elan Javanfard, M.A., L.M.F.T. is a Consulting Psychotherapist focused on behavioral health redesign, a Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University, & a lecturer related to Mindfulness, Evidence Based Practices, and Suicide Prevention. Elan is the author of Psycho-Spiritual Insights: Exploring Parasha & Psychology, a weekly blog. He lives in the Los Angeles Pico Robertson community with his wife and two children and can be reached at Elan.Javanfard@gmail.com.

Rabbi Nir

Parshat Nitzavim: Unseen is Unknown

“My boy got an “F” on his test.” a man complained.

“I’m a shalom rabbi. Different department.” I answered

”My wife thinks that I’m responsible for this.” he continued

“Ah! You came to the right place.”

”Where do you send him to school?” I inquired.

”Maimonides.”

“That’s a good school. Tell me about your day.”

“I leave home when everyone’s asleep to make it to slichot. I pray, learn, work, and go back home.”

Sounds pretty standard, doesn’t it?! Not at all! We know this man is a tzaddik (righteous) but does his son see that? “That which is hid-

den belongs to God; revealed to us and to our kids forever,” Moses says in םיבצנ

All your studying can’t be only in the study hall –some of it needs to be at home. Your kids will see it and internalize that their experience at Maimonides parallels yours. They’ll value learning and you’ll have Shalom Bayit.

Elan Javanfard

Yacoby

Rabbi Nir and his wife Atrian give regular classes on Shalom Bayit. His popular 3-minute podcast is funny and draws Shalom Bayit ideas from the Torah portion of the week. To register: ShalomInComics@gmail.com

A Master Craftsman Holds Forth in the Golan

Nestled in the factory dis trict of the small Golan town of Katzrin lies the spacious studio of master woodworker Gabriel Bass, who presides over one of only a handful of family-runbusinesses specializing in synagogue furniture and Judaica. At first glance, the high ceiling,sawdust-covered concrete floor, and array of saws, sanders, and other machines seem to indicate a standard woodworking operation, but then in the back one spies a veritable forest ofTorah Arks, shtenders, Eliyahu’s chairs, and more.

Bass and his company, Bass Synagogue Furniture, have been pioneers in creating hand-crafted, Israeli-made synagogue materials. Originally from Seattle, Gabriel Bass studied in Canada with Musqueam master carver Richard Campbell, learning First Nations woodworking techniques which he still incorporates into his designs. He also further apprenticed with Israeli woodworker Gavriel Bar Lev in Vancouver and, after making aliyah to Israel in 2002, studied glassworking and industrial design at the prestigious Betzalel Academy of Art and Design in Jerusalem.

His early experiences in Seattle and Canada continue to inform his work, as he saw his contemporaries “going off to study abroad... it seemed so strange they would do things so far away and disconnected from themselves.” In studying with First Nation

woodcarvers, who still used their traditional techniques, he found a kinship with the Jewish experience – the idea of keeping traditions alive in the face of opposition, dispersion, and exile. This notion only deepened once he moved to Israel.

This unique background, combined with his decades of experience, makes his work singular, and indeed, he describes each item he creates as being “one of a kind” and stresses the “kavanah” (intent) he and his staff, all religious Jews living in the Land of Israel, aim to imbue into each piece.

“We try to design something special like nothing else in the world,” he says. “These items will last generations and become part of people’s memories and re-

membrances of growing up. It’s their synagogue!”

In his vast studio, one can see several Torah arks of various sizes in the process of being finished. Many of the designs incorporate his handblown glasswork in clever, colorful ways, which, combined with the skillful

woodcraft and occasional use of inset lighting, create truly striking and contemporary designs.

Bass also creates full seating arrangements and chairs of various kinds, hardwood panels, bookcases, unique Ner Tamids, innovative mechitzahs and many other kinds of synagogue and Judaica items. He has traveled around the world to oversee the installation of some of his larger projects, and, in fact, the company website now boasts an interactive map which shows the myriad and far-flung synagogues and Jewish centers with which he has worked.

In the Southern California area, Bass Synagogue Furniture works have been installed in a wide range of locations, including Temple Bat Yahm in Newport Beach, the

or waves in motion. These elegant, striking works, suitable for display in museums or the home of a collector, are now “ready to be presented to the world,” he says.

Bass Synagogue Furniture is open by appointment to visitors and is well worth the visit by those seeking a unique, handson experience. For more information and pictures see: https://basssynagoguefurniture.com, https://jewishartistcenter.org, and https://gabrielbass.com.

Baba Sale Congregation in Fairfax, UCLA Hillel, the Los Angeles Jewish Home, and the Skirball Museum.

In addition to the synagogue furniture, Bass runs an educational arm, the Jewish Artis Center, which provides hands-on workshops in wood, glass, and metal arts to studio visitors.

These workshops are mostly run for groups or families, but smaller classes are also available. In addition, the center aims to create cross-pollination and collaboration among Israeli and Jewish artists by hosting master classes, workshops, and other activities.

In recent years, inspired by kabbalistic thinking and his love of the natural world, Bass has begun to branch out to more artistic pieces and innovative sculptures. He says that he is “pushing the limits of technique” in creating these naturalistic, flowing 3-D designs, many of which resemble wings

Gavriel Fiske is a writer and musician based in Israel. His work has appeared in the Jerusalem Post, Times of Israel, the Forward, and elsewhere.

Gavriel Fiske

Shana Tova Umetuka

For over 35 years, the Herzog and Watts families have worked together to grow spectacular Zinfandel in the Mokelumne River region of Lodi. This Zinfandel is crafted from vines up to 80 years old, capturing intense flavors and rich texture. The wine is balanced and not overly sweet, a style modeled after some of the most historic Late Harvest wines of France.

Eye-Opening Orthodox Union Study Guides Community to Step Up Support for Single Community Members

Traveling panel will focus on ways the Orthodox community and its members can enhance the lives of single men and women

Many Orthodox American single men and women feel alienated from the broader Jewish community, which may treat them as inferior because of their marital status.

This was one of the conclusions of the recently released “The Challenges of Singlehood Among American Orthodox Jews” study conducted by the Orthodox Union’s Center for Communal Research (CCR). The CCR’s mission is to help the OU and beyond to better understand and serve the Jewish community through data.

“A core responsibility of the Orthodox Union is to use every means at our disposal to enhance the community’s ability to value and support every one of its members,” says OU Executive Vice President Rabbi Moshe Hauer. “This study will help achieve that by helping us all understand that single men and women seek to be seen and respected for who they are and valued for the contributions they so badly wish to make to their communities — if only we will let them.”

Coined the “crisis of experience” by The Shidduch Center of Baltimore’s executive director Rabbi Shlomo Goldberger, the majority of single study participants agreed that negative communal attitudes and treatment of single community members represent their greatest challenge during singlehood.

The study was published in anticipation of the yamim noraim, a time for religious and interpersonal reflection and self-improvement, with the aim of elevating communal support of single men and women. In order to amplify the study’s findings, the OU is promoting a serious public dialogue about the crisis of experience. In the days leading up to Rosh Hashana, OU Executive Vice President Rabbi Moshe Hauer, motivational speaker and advocate for single community members Tzipora Grodko, and former applied researcher at the Center for Communal Research Channah Cohen will lead engaging panel discussions in Florida and Maryland, followed by a livestream broadcast from New York on Tzom Gedaliah.

“When people talk about the ‘shidduch crisis’, they actually mean two completely different things, according to Rabbi Goldberger,” says Cohen, who will serve as the panel moderator. “One issue is the ‘crisis of process’, meaning how people date, for example, whether they have sufficient access to dates, do shadchanim work, is there an age-gap issue demographically that’s preventing some people from getting married? The other issue is the ‘crisis of experience’, which is a feeling among singles that as long as they’re

unmarried, there’s no place for them within the Orthodox community.”

The CCR’s mixed-methods study included a quantitative, 25-minute survey taken by over 2,300 single participants that was disseminated through eight major Orthodox dating platforms and websites such as Partners In Shidduchim, SawYouAtSinai (including YUConnects) and The Shidduch Center of Baltimore, among others. In addition, approximately 50 single men and women, and about 50 shadchanim and community leaders were extensively interviewed.

Cohen, who was one of the researchers, notes that many single people feel completely invisible in the Orthodox community, particularly after age 25, and especially at shul.

Cohen says, “Single community members say, ‘At work I sit at the head of a board table and run presentations and everyone says I’m still so young, I have my whole life ahead of me, I’m professionally accomplished. Then I go to shul and people view me as a nebach because I’m not married.’”

Tzipora Grodko never imagined she would become an advocate for single community members. The 29-year-old from Monsey, New York, herself unmarried, holds an LMSW and is a transformative coach while managing Aim Hire, a nonprofit that helps provide employment with dignity to seasoned professionals ages 40-plus that have been unemployed or underemployed for 18 weeks. Inspired by her friends and acquaintances and the hurt she says they continually experience in their communities, Grodko gave her first speech at Monsey’s Beis Medrash Ohr Chaim in March on “Things Shadchanim Should Know.” Her presentation was uploaded to YouTube; within four days it garnered almost 6,000 views and she received overwhelmingly supportive feedback from parents, single men and women, and matchmakers.

“I had no more tolerance to see so many people I care about get hurt, when it’s all preventable,” says Grodko. “Age is so subjective, and people view being an aging single as shameful. When my single friends age, they don’t want to talk about it; they pretend it’s not happening. They have so much to live for, they’re in their prime. But there’s so much shame because of the expectations and standards that have been created in the community.”

Grodko wants shadchanim to appreciate the vulnerability of those they are helping and to encourage rather than pressure them, while recognizing that they are shlichim and are only in control of how

they treat single community membersnot the outcome of their shidduchim.

“It’s really important for us as a community to be able to differentiate between the crisis of process and the crisis of experience,” Cohen maintains. “Often community leaders will acknowledge the difficulty of being single and feeling isolated and try to help single men and women by creating a WhatsApp group, for example, and sharing people’s profiles publicly. That’s trying to solve the crisis of experience via the crisis of process, which only exacerbates the former.”

The goal of both the study and the panel, says Cohen, is for the broader community to understand why it’s important to shift the way it relates to single men and women, and to learn how to do so practically, using the large-scale guidelines offered by the single community members themselves.

She notes that people often think the only way they can make a dent in the world of shidduchim is to set people up.

“It doesn’t start there,” she says. “I believe the first achrayus of every single member of our Orthodox community is to welcome single men and women and to relate to them with basic etiquette and menschlechkeit. I would love it if everyone watching the panel gained an understanding of the crisis of process versus the crisis of experience, and realized the huge impact they can have on the shidduch crisis by doing small things, starting today.”

For her part, Grodko feels that the term “shidduch crisis” only contributes to negative communal attitudes and treatment of single men and women.

“Crisis means something is out of control,” she says. “Hashem is in control of every single thing that transpires. If you view it in this perspective, as a parent, you’ll treat your child differently, and as a matchmaker, you’ll act differently. That message is so profoundly important, because it removes so much of the fear and negativity attached to those of us who are not yet married.”

Grodko’s goal as a panelist is to sensitize audiences to the undue pain and anguish they may inadvertently be causing single men and women, and to encourage them to be more inclusive, sensitive and supportive. She also aspires to empower fellow single community members to live their best lives rather than be deterred by the fact that they are not yet married.

Grodko is both touched and incredibly grateful to the OU for kickstarting this communal conversation via the upcoming traveling panels.

“The fact that the OU is taking action and investing so much time in creating change reflects how authentic the organization is to its mission,” she says. “I’m incredibly emotional and humbled because it’s very easy to talk about a trending idea, to write an article, or to give a speech. It would be easy to just publish the findings of the CCR study and move on. But the OU is doing whatever it can creatively think of to make the issues stand out. I think it’s an incredible start and am thrilled that the OU is using its voice to work towards change.”

The traveling panel will present at the Boca Raton Synagogue, joined by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg, on September 11, 2023 at 8 p.m.; at Ner Tamid in Baltimore joined by Rabbi Shmuel Silber of Suburban Orthodox Toras Chaim (SOTC) on September 13, 2023 at 8.p.m.; and livestreamed from the OU’s headquarters in Manhattan, joined by NCSY Education Director and 18Forty media company founder Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin on Tzom Gedaliah, September 18, 2023 at 3:30 pm. To join the event, visit https://www. ou.org/roundtable/

To read the CCR study, “The Challenges of Singlehood Among American Orthodox Jews”, visit https://research. ou.org/shidduch/.

Contact:

Rabbi Yisrael Motzen

Special Assistant to the Executive Vice Presidents 917-855-8607 motzeny@ou.org

About The Center for Communal Research

The Center for Communal Research, founded in 2018, advances the Orthodox Union’s obligation to better understand and serve the Jewish community. The Center is dedicated to the pursuit of a rigorous, responsive, and responsible research and evaluation agenda.

About the Orthodox Union

Founded in 1898, the Orthodox Union (OU), or Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, serves as the voice of American Orthodox Jewry, with over 400 congregations in its synagogue network. As the umbrella organization for American Orthodox Jewry, the OU is at the forefront of advocacy work on both state and federal levels, outreach to Jewish teens and young professionals through NCSY, Israel Free Spirit Birthright, Yachad and OU Press, among many other divisions and programs.

The Voices

Hindi Kalmenson

The voices in my head are many and varied and constant. They console, encourage, deride, and shame. They enjoy rights such as nagging, demanding, and convincing. Their clamor is loud, abrasive, subtle, and deathly quiet.

Some voices sound like my teachers, some seem to sound like the world at large, and others have become so inextricably intertwined with my own that I can no longer tell the difference between my own and their source. One voice was a comment that someone made when I was young, others were drills that I hear on repeat every day of my life. All of the voices sound and resound in my head and heart and dictate my actions always.

I listen to the voices.

At least I did.

Until one day I heard them talk over one another. One voice contradicted another and then a voice as clear as light spilling through an open window rang out with the words, “What is the truth?”

The truth? I hadn’t thought of that. I was too busy with the voices. The voices that told me how to speak, dress, laugh, think, talk, eat, sleep and the list goes on. What was the truth?

The truth was hard to hear amongst all the prattle. There was just too much noise. I couldn’t hear myself.

As soon as I discovered the voices, I could begin to discern what was me and what was something else. I was able to stop listening to them, or at least sift which voices were serving me and which were not.

The truth still didn’t stand out to me, I couldn’t rely on my own voice, it wasn’t the absolute truth. For, even my own voice had two octaves; the Self-Gratifying voice and the Truthful voice. How to know which was my own? How to know which one was true?

The Truthful voice, the Baal Hatanya1 explains is the G-dly soul, a literal piece of G-d. The other voice that laces my thoughts and feelings and experienc-

es is a self-gratifying soul. Hewn from G-d’s less desirables, the Self-Gratifying soul is one who seeks ease, comfort, and sees otherness than G-d. It seeks comfort in superficiality. Not wanting to dig deeper to find G-d, it lives in a perpetual state of anxiety. It refuses to acknowledge G-d and experiences a compulsive constant need to protect itself.

Which voice was mine?

The Self Gratifying voice felt more like me. I was used to its cadence. The lyrical rhythm of pleasure, fear, and protection felt familiar. I had grown accustomed to the ease of staying shallow and not questioning further; it felt comfortable.

And yet, as soon as I learned of the G-dly soul, its clear voice rang so that I could ignore it no longer. That voice welled bigger in my mind and the truth of its baritone shook me to the core. I could finally hear the truth, I could hear purpose, I could hear why I

mattered and suddenly I found my truest Voice.

I don’t always listen to it. I stray from that voice only too often. I am human first and foremost. And G-d knows my humanness all too well. But He also gave me of Himself and trusts that I could be both human and holy and desires me to side with the holy. So now I know where I am going. I know that if I listen well and look for purpose and depth, I will find the truth. I know how to ask and answer myself, “Is this aligned with Absolute Truth?” And when I do, I experience the joy and calm of His Voice.

1 Tanya, Chapter One

Hindi is a certified Relationshift Coach based in Los Angeles. She is passionate about relationships and selfgrowth. She educates women on Torah’s perspective of marriage at her workshops and retreats and helps women around the world through her personal coaching program. Hindi lives with her husband and four children in Los Angeles.

Financial Wellness: The Key to a Happy and Fulfilling Life

Dmitri Farberov

Irecently met two retiring professors who had built their net savings to over $10 million. They never took home an incredible salary, but they had taken the crucial steps to achieve financial wellness from an early age. They stayed with their approach no matter what life threw their way.

Their story inspired me to share some pearls of wisdom about financial wellness. We often focus our energy on physical, emotional, and spiritual health, but what if I told you that your financial health is equally important? It is intertwined in each of these in more ways than you can ever imagine.

Financial wellness is not just about having money. It is about having a healthy relationship with money that allows you to live a happy and fulfilling life. It’s about being able to afford what you need and want without feeling stressed or anxious about money. It’s about having the freedom to make choices about your life without being limited by your financial circumstances. It’s about the ability to make a difference in the world by supporting the causes you care about most.

There are many benefits to financial wellness. Here are just a few: Reduced stress: Financial stress is

one of the leading causes of stress in adults. When you are financially fit, you are less likely to worry about money, which can lead to a more relaxed and less stressful life.

Increased happiness: Financially fit people are happier than those who are not. This is likely because financial wellness can lead to a sense of security, freedom, and control over one’s life.

Better physical health: Financial stress can affect your physical health. When stressed about money, you are more likely to experience health problems such as headaches, stomachaches, and sleep problems. Financial wellness, on the other hand, can lead to better physical health.

Increased productivity: When financially fit, you are more likely to be productive at work. This is because you are not worried about money and can focus on your job.

More opportunities: Financial wellness can open up new opportunities for you. For example, if you have a good credit score, you can qualify for a mortgage or a car loan. This can give you access to new housing or transportation options.

A better future for your family: Financial wellness can help you provide a better future for your family. For example,

you can save for your children’s education or retirement. This can give them a head start in life.

The good news is that financial wellness is something that is within reach. You can achieve it no matter where you are in your financial journey. Here are a few tips to help you get started:

Start saving early: The earlier you start saving, the more time your money has to grow. Even if you can only save a small amount each month, it will add up over time.

Create a budget: A budget is a plan for how you will spend your money. It can help you track your spending and ensure you are spending appropriately.

Pay off debt: Debt can be a significant financial burden. If you have debt, make a plan to pay it off as quickly as possible.

Invest your money: Investing your money can help it grow over time. There are many different ways to invest, so research to find the right option for you.

Get financial advice: If you need help, consider getting financial advice from a professional.

Here are some additional tips for teenagers who are interested in getting started early:

Learn about money: The more you know about money and build your “money muscles,” the better you can make informed and rational financial decisions. Many resources are available to help you learn about money, such as The National Endowment for Financial Education and The Khan Academy.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help: If you’re looking to get started or on track, don’t be afraid to ask for help from a financial professional. Many financial professionals would love to guide you along your journey.

Financial wellness is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and dedication to achieve financial success. But it is a journey that is well worth taking. These tips can set you up for a happy, fulfilling, and financially secure future.

Dimitry Farberov, CFA® CFP® is a Director at Miracle Mile Advisors, an independent registered investment advisory firm in West Los Angeles. He has over 16 years of experience helping founders, executives, and high-networth families make smart decisions about investment, insurance, tax, retirement, and estate planning.

Escape to Lake Arrowhead

Whether you come for a week or stay for a lifetime, we’ve got you covered!

Rebbe’s Stories

The Daughter of Nakdimon ben Gurion

Rabbi Mordechai Dubin

One day as Raban Yochanan ben Zakai, the great leader of the Jewish people, was leaving Yerushalayim with some of his students, he saw that someone was bent over in the middle of the road. “Let’s hurry and see if the person is hurt,” Raban Yochanan ben Zakai said to his students.

As they got closer they saw that it was a woman picking barley kernels out of the mud. These kernels had fallen from the mouths of the cattle who had recently been fed. When she heard the sound of the donkey’s approaching she turned around and saw that it was the great sage Raban Yochanan ben Zakai. She quickly got to her feet and burst into tears and said, “Please rebbe, please help me.”

Raban Yochanan ben Zakai asked her who she was and she answered, “I am the daughter of Nakdimon ben Gurion.” “The daughter of Nakdimon ben Gurion!?!?” responded Raban Yochanan ben Zakai so surprised. “Your father is one of the richest men in all of Yerushalayim! Why are you picking barley kernels out of the mud?”

“My father’s money is all gone,” she said, “There is nothing left!”

“I am so sorry to hear this,” Raban Yochanan ben Zakai said sympathetically. “But how did this happen?” Nakdimon’s daughter responded, “My father says that Hashem punished him because he didn’t give Tzedakah properly!”

“How could this be?” said Raban Yochanan ben Zakai, totally perplexed. “Your father was one of the most generous men I had ever met. The poor people followed him everywhere and he always gave generously to each and every one of them! Not only that, but all the Rabbanim knew they could always turn to your father for help!”

SchoolTriviaSupply

1.Which school supply was patented first?

a. Ballpoint pen

b. Eraser

c. Pencil

d. Fountain pen

“I wondered the same thing,” said the daughter of Nakdimon ben Gurion, “so I asked my father: ‘Father, why do you think that you didn’t give Tzedakah properly?’ My father ashamedly told me that he often gave Tzedakah for his personal honor and he also said that he never gave as much as he should have.”

Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakai was very sad to hear what happened to Nakdimon ben Gurion. He turned to his students and said, “Fortunate are the Jewish people. When they follow the ways of Hashem, then there is not a nation in the world that has any power over them. But unfortunately, when they do not follow the ways of Hashem, then even the animals have control over their lives.” Raban Yochanan ben Zakai helped the daughter of Nakdimon ben Gurion and continued to help her and her family until they were able to live independently on their own.

This story is found in Kesuvos 66/b

Questions for Discussion

1. Why do you think the woman was picking barley kernels out of the mud?

2. Why did Raban Yochanan ben Zakai and the daughter of Nakdimon ben Gurion find it hard to imagine that Nakdimon ben Gurion did not properly give Tzedakah?

3. What did Nakdimon ben Gurion say was wrong about the way he gave Tzedakah?

Rabbi Mordechai Dubin is a Rebbe at Gindi Maimonides Academy. He is the author of three illustrated children’s books, I’ll Never Forget Yerushalayim, I Believe, and I Know 6; and has produced four Musical CD’s for children, I Made This World For you, Let My People Go, Al Shelosha Devarim, and Hashem is Always With Me.

If you want to share a story, recipe, D’var Torah, or something creative with us, we would absolutely love it! Please send them in to editor@thelajewishhome.com and write “Kids Section” in the subject line

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

Teacher: Johnny, what is the chemical formula for water?

Johnny: HIJKLMNO!

Teacher: What are you talking about?

Johnny: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

2. How many crayons are there in a standard box of Crayola crayons?

a. 12

b. 24

c. 48

d. 64

3. In what year were adhesive sticky notes (Post-It notes) invented?

a. 1960

b. 1974

c. 1982

d. 1996

4. What was the original purpose of the paperclip before it became a common o ce and school supply?

a. Surgical clamp

b. Hairpin

c. Necklace fastener

d. Bookmark

5. What is the main ingredient in traditional chalkboard chalk?

a. Salt

b. Vinegar

c. Iron Oxide

d. Calcium Carbonate

6. What year was the first modern pencil with an eraser attached patented?

a. 1789

b. 1858

c. 1902

d. 1965

7. What is the approximate number of sheets of paper used in all schools throughout the U.S. in a single school year?

a. 7 million

b. 109 million

c. 2 billion

d. 32 billion

8. How many words can the average pencil write?

a. 2,000

b. 13,000

c. 26,000

d. 45,000

9. What were erasers made out of before the 18th century?

a. Bread

b. Plastic

c. Spit

d. Animal skin

10. How much does the average American family spend yearly on school supplies?

a. $200

b. $450

c. $700

d. $1,200

Inscribing life. Infusing life.

A better life for all of us.

What does life look like?

A time

It’s

THAT’S WHAT TOMCHEI LA IS HERE FOR:

Where a mother can buy ingredients for supper with joy –and without cringing at the prices.

Where a father can pay his rent and electric bills in peace –without begging for extensions.

Where Shabbos is the day of rest it’s meant to be –free of financial stress.

Where girls can visit friends on Yom Tov and be proud of her new wardrobe –not embarrassed of her old one.

THAT’S WHAT TOMCHEI LA IS HERE FOR:

The things we want to believe everyone takes for granted –but we know can be a struggle for too many of our neighbors.

So many in our community are dreaming of a better life – free of financial worry.

Now’s our opportunity.

Let's rally our forces of kindness, creating a better life for others – and by doing so, we better the lives for ourselves.

To infuse life – and better the lives of our community, our families, our neighbors.

But we can’t do it alone.

THIS YOM TOV SEASON, IT’S 500 FAMILIES and you!

It’s Time to Say, “Good Shabbos”

Rabbi Warren Goldstein Talks about the 10 Years Since the Shabbos Project Began

The Shabbos Project began in 2013 during a conversation between South Africa’s Chief Rabbi Dr. Warren Goldstein and his wife, Gina. Shabbos, they felt, cannot be described. Like a beautiful color, it must be seen and experienced. What if…? they said. What if we could get all South African Jews to celebrate one Shabbos together? How would that look? How would everyone feel?

Initially, they had a date and a slogan: Keeping It Together. Then a major South African Jewish pop star and a beloved South African Jewish comedian decided to join and spread the word. Rabbi and Rebbetzin Goldstein created eight rules for the event and Gina’s “Unofficial Guide to Keeping It Together.” That Shabbos was widely kept and wildly successful. Word spread throughout the continent and globe and took on a life of its own.

With that, Rabbi Goldstein and his wife saw what became the Shabbos Project unfurl across 1,500 cities in 100 countries. They witnessed the tremendous power and energy of Shabbos observed across the spectrum of affiliation. And they watched in awe as they saw how compelling and inspiring Shab-bos is, beyond being a day of rest.

are His ‘partners in creation’... We create ourselves.”

The book’s overarching framework is informed by this idea of Jew-ascreator of the self, coupled with the Ramban’s approach to mitzvos. The Ram-

ban considers the mitzvos to be tools from Hashem for personal transformation. If we see the world this way, the mitzvos are not simply a gateway to a spiritual, Olam Habah future, but a formula for Olam Hazeh and happiness in this world, too. They provide a hashkafic outlook to life and a gateway to personal development and growth.

Hashem, according to the midrash, says to Moshe that He has a precious gift in His treasure house, His geniza, that He wants to share with His people. This gift is Shabbos.

“Shabbos is the shared heritage of every Jew,” says Rabbi Goldstein. “It’s Hashem’s gift to all of us.”

This act of giving and generosity from Hashem has been a priceless treasure for Jews for millennia. Our “payment” for this, says Rabbi Goldstein, is to share this gift with other Jews, those who have not experienced Shabbos before.

relationships, rest, and making life whole. Finally, “Impact” explores how Shabbos influences us more when it is most immersive.

Movements are driven by people, not by leadership at the top of an organizational

pyramid. True to this, since the publication of the text, learning groups have spontaneously gathered to study the book. In the three months since it hit the shelves, more than 200 learning groups have developed, and more than 4,000 books are in circulation. The book has been translated into Hebrew, Spanish, and French, and is on its second print run in the United States. It has taken the energy of the Shabbos Project to a reflective place during the workweek.

This is understandable. Like Shabbos itself, the book is written to be a timeless distillation of sources in a platform that leads to easy discussion. The book is in many ways perfect for group learning – each chapter is clear and guided and takes no more than five minutes to read.

In that way, the book is geared to all

Rabbi Goldstein appeals to the reader, and all Jews, about how Shabbos is critical for those of us living in this 21st century world, “as a matter of personal renewal and national survival – and as the blueprint for a brighter future.” The “noisy and confusing world, with a cacophony of confident voices…make our world feel more unstable than ever…. Shabbat is the voice of clarity and purpose we need” for ourselves and our nation’s longevity.”

‘Shabbos,” Rabbi Goldstein declares, “must be at the center of the Jewish world and our center. It gives the ‘why’ of why we’re Jewish. It’s the ultimate response to assimilation.” For example, “kiddush is the mission statement to Jewish people.” It answers questions of “quality of life, Jewish identity, assimilation, and the inspiration of the Jewish state.”

In its transcendence, Rabbi Goldstein visited the Knesset and gave a copy of the book in Hebrew and English to President Herzog and to 15 Chevrei Knesset. Shabbos is beyond politics and “of national value, the national treasure of the Jewish people.”

This is underscored by the thousands of Israeli soldiers and yeshiva bochurim who are learning the book in pairs. This has been coordinated by Kesher Yehudi; Nefesh Yehudi, on Israeli college campuses, has been distributing books as well. This

As a chief rabbi, Rabbi Goldstein, of course, had known about Shabbos and how to observe it. This was part of his yeshiva training and certainly part and parcel of his position. But he now looked for more.

He embarked on his personal Shabbos journey, studying Shabbos from a halachic and spiritual perspective. He perused seforim, studying Tanach, Ge- mara, midrashim, rishonim, and acharonim on Shabbos. This learning formed the basis for his shared vision of the project, Shabbos: A Day to Create Yourself, published now in time for the tenth anniversary of the Shabbos Project.

Rabbi Goldstein’s opening sentence, “The secret to uncovering the essence of Shabbat begins with how we define work, productivity – and creativity,” sets the book’s foundation. Rabbi Goldstein then defines work beyond the 39 Melachos as about “the work of becoming a better person.” On Shabbos, we “focus exclusively on creating ourselves… It’s not just that we live as a shadow in G-d’s cycle of creativity – we

This is the premise and the vision of the Shabbos Project, a project that Rabbi Goldstein characterizes as a movement, not an organization. The book, in a sense Shabbos Project 2.0, is in keeping with this movement, providing people with a platform to go deeper into their Shabbos learning and understanding and utilize Shabbos as a way “to create the best version of ourselves, our family, and our world…to shape our perspectives” and delve into themselves and their goals.

The book is divided into sections. The first, aptly called “Foundations,” provides the basis for reading the text and understanding Shabbos. The next sections delve into the foundational ideas and provide practical understanding of utilizing Shabbos to develop “Character,” “Perspectives,” “Happiness,” and “Impact.”

“Character” takes different character traits, or middot, our personal measure. Rabbi Goldstein writes how “what we do, how we engage with others, how we react to situations…are our dimensions as people.” This section talks about 11 character traits that are cultivated by shemiras Shabbos, including generosity, humility, stillness, and idealism. “Perspectives” explores the “philosophical foundations of who we are, why we exist, and what we are here to do.” “Happiness” describes how “Shabbat teaches us a number of life lessons…for finding happiness,” including freeing oneself, nurturing

Jews of all affiliations and upbringings. Those who have been keeping Shabbos their whole lives may already understand all the halachic aspects of the day. Other readers come to the text without background. This book is for both ends of the spectrum and everyone

in between.

“The message of the book is to have a look at the values and vision of Shabbos connected to halachah,” Rabbi Goldstein says. The book opens with a variety of approbations from rabbanim and Jewish thinkers and leaders across the spectrum, including R’ Shmuel Kamenetsky, shlita, Israel Chief Rabbi David Lau, R’ Herschel Schachter, and Israel President Isaac Herzog, as well as actress Dr. Mayim Bialik, former Senator Joseph Lieberman, and Natan Sharansky. It ends with a comprehensive bibliography, citing more than 200 sources.

This is intentional. In order to ensure that the book flows well for all audiences, the sources are cited using endnotes at the finish of each chapter, and the reader who wants to delve further into the source material can do so. The book’s afterword includes inspirational stories from the Shabbos Project and how Shabbos has changed people’s outlook and practice.

But in the final chapter of the book,

is true of teens and young adults all over the world. We need “not only to disconnect from the stream of digital stimulation, but we need to fill that space that’s been emptied.”

Rabbi Goldstein wants to encourage Jews from all over the world to start learning groups, or to reach out to join those that have already been formed. Those interested in learning more can contact Robin Meyerson, at robin@chiefrabbi.co.za. A generous sponsor will also send copies of the books to learning group participants.

“Be a leader,” says Rabbi Goldstein. “You can start a group, you can start a chavrusa, and you can see how learning about Shabbos with others changes our own Shabbos. It transforms us.

“Take the inspiration of Shabbos and run with it. Integrate it with your day-today life. The most important thing is that Shabbos is not a matter of doing. Space must be filled with love and connection and Hashem. It’s about the framing of Shabbos, a day to create yourself.”

Brendy J. Siev

Confession Before the Day of Judgment

No one likes confronting mortality, whether their own or that of their loved ones. Yet death is a reality of life that shapes the contours of our existence. It’s also one of the themes of the High Holidays when the Book of Life is opened before us. Contemplating “Who will live and who will die?” while reciting selichot and vidui is meant to be a motivation for repentance now and preparation for the ultimate Day of Judgment.

Given the central role of mortality in the human condition, Jewish law developed many laws and customs that help us confront death and dying. One of them, known as the “last confession” (vidui), has somewhat disappeared in recent centuries. In this column, I’ll briefly lay out the case for restoring this meaningful ritual.

The Talmudic sages teach, “One who became ill and tends toward death, they say to him: confess” (Shabbat 32a). The rationale for this ritual is readily apparent. Once a person dies, they cannot confess or make amends. This might be their last opportunity before their personal Day of Judgment.

Indeed, Rabbi Eliezer taught, “Repent one day before your death.” His stu-

dents asked him, “But how do you know when you will die?” To which he replied, “Indeed. Therefore, repent each day so you will live a repentant life” (Shabbat 153a). Given the frailty of life, we should always aspire to have our physical and spiritual affairs in order. This is certainly the case when there is particular concern that one may be dying. This Talmudic ritual was codified in the classic books of Jewish law.

The “last confession” is not meant to be a manipulative ritual trying to cur favor with God, as it were. Instead, it seeks to allow a person to genuinely repent for sins, correct wrongdoings, reconcile with loved ones and acquaintances, and ask for and grant forgiveness. It’s also an opportunity to proclaim faith in God and His justice after a lifetime of contemplation and experience. This moment can also be an opportunity to impart final blessings to loved ones and give advice about living a good life.

Despite the ritual’s meaningfulness, it is not always possible to implement. In some cases, a person does not have the physical ability to verbalize the prayer. In these cases, many scholars note that the

person should articulate these thoughts in their heart, with some suggesting that family members recite the confession aloud. At other times, a dying person might be in a coma. Some scholars feel that there is no point in someone else reciting the prayer at this stage. Others, however, countered that we never truly know which patients might still be able to hear our prayers.

In light of these challenges, the natural suggestion is to “move up” the recitation of this last confession to a point when a person is critically ill with an unclear prognosis. This suggestion was already made by classic commentators who felt that it was essential for a person to confess when they are healthy enough to be clear-headed. A person can then recite the confession and proclamations of faith along with holding heart-to-heart conversations. Should they live longer and have another opportunity to confess, they can certainly recite the “vidui” a second time. After all, as Rabbi Eliezer taught, there’s no quota on meaningful confessions. Indeed, Rabbi Hershel Schachter of Yeshiva University told me that his own father, Rabbi Melech Schachter zt”l, recited this vidui nearly a dozen times, and he merited to live to the age of 94!

A bigger barrier to this ritual is psychological. It’s difficult for people to face the probability of their upcoming death. For this reason, the traditional vidui includes a prayer for recovery. Here’s the formulation of the standard version: “I acknowledge before You, Lord my God and the God of my ancestors, that my recovery and my death are in Your hands. May it be Your will to send me a complete recovery. Yet if I die, may my death be an atonement for all the errors, iniquities, and willful sins that I have erred, sinned, and transgressed before You.”

Another problem is the emotional difficulty of suggesting to someone that it might be time to recite the vidui. Many classic rabbinic sources contend that if such a suggestion will “break the spirit” of

the person, it is best not to mention the idea. Others recommend a soft language, such as: “Many have confessed and not died, and many did not confess and died. As a reward for your confession, may you live. All who confess have a share in the world to come.” In some communities, the communal bikur cholim society created a uniform practice to suggest confession on the third day of the acute illness. This might prevent the person from fearing that the visit was made because they are about to die. Yet such a “standardized” schedule becomes difficult in contemporary societies in which modern medicine can keep a person alive for an extended period. Many have suggested that the emotional difficulty of talking about death as well as the extended and uncertain prognosis have caused this ritual to become somewhat sidelined.

Yet as Rabbi Profs. Shimon Glick and Alan Jotkowitz have argued that modern societies are more open about speaking about death and dying. Today’s doctors are largely inclined not to withhold any information regarding a patient’s diagnosis and prognosis. Patients are aware of the acute nature of their illness. Therefore, to withhold discussing the “last confession” is to deny them a critical tool for their spiritual preparations for death. Moreover, some patients may find solace in the ability to confess and repent while finding meaning in an opportunity for reconciliation. Jewish ritual has provided an important spiritual and emotional tool for the critically ill patient. Why should we deny it to them?

Ultimately, rituals like the “last confession” will only get revitalized when we dedicate efforts to reviving Jewish rituals that help us talk about death and dying. There’s no better time than the High Holidays to think about these questions. For if not now, when?

Rabbi Dr. Shlomo Brody is the Executive Director of Ematai, dedicated to helping families navigate healthcare choices about aging and end-of-life care. www. ematai.org

Rabbi Dr. Shlomo Brody

LA: Vendome (Bev Hills)

Remedy Liquor

Generating Momentum For Our Return

There’s a story of two elderly men who were childhood friends but had not seen each other in many years. One day, they ran into each other on the street, and were delighted to recognize one another. One of them lived in the area, so he invited the other into his home. They happily catch each other up on their lives, getting lost in their stories and jokes as the day goes on. The guest finally noticed that it had become dark outside, so he asked his friend if he had the time.

“I don’t have a watch,” his friend replied.

“So look at the clock, and tell me what time it is.”

“I don’t have a clock either,” his friend replied.

Puzzled, the first man asked his friend: “If you don’t have a watch, and you don’t have a clock, how do you tell the time?”

“I use my trumpet!” the second man proudly replied.

“A trumpet? How can you tell time with a trumpet?”

“I’ll show you.” He picked up his trumpet, opened the window, and blew a long, deafening blast. A few seconds later, a window opened below and his neighbor shouted: “Three o’clock in the morning and you’re playing your trumpet?!”

The man turned to his friend and proclaimed, “It’s three o’clock in the morning.”

The shofar is Hashem’s trumpet, begging us to wake up from our slumber. When we hear it, we must remind ourselves what time it is. It’s Elul; we’re approaching Rosh Hashanah; it’s time to question, to think, to redirect. Often, though, life has a way of running on autopilot, controlled only by the flow of momentum. When things are going well, they flow forward, steadily picking up speed. When things fall apart, they tumble downhill, refusing to ease up.

Making a healthy eating choice can serve as inspiration to wake up early the next morning and exercise. The feeling of making a great decision leads you to another great decision, and the cycle continues. The energy and confidence from this positive momentum leads to an increased surge of confidence, leading to another great decision, perhaps a push forward in your career, or a positive development in your relationships, or a focus on the next step of your spiritual growth. This is the

beauty of momentum. This is also the psychological and practical root of the concept “mitzvah goreres mitzvah”, one mitzvah leads to another (Avos 4:2). However, this same momentum can be the cause of our undoing as well. “Aveirah goreres aveirah” - one misstep leads to another.

Maybe it starts with a small slip up in our diet, when we promised ourselves we would do better. Now, we feel weak and foolish, and begin muttering degrading insults to ourselves. Our confidence takes a major hit, and we begin to see ourselves as a failure. The next morning, we hit snooze, making ourselves feel even worse, even weaker, even more of a failure. Next, we sabotage our relationship, miss a meeting, or let our growth and spirituality slide. Of course, this makes us feel even worse, so we break our diet again, making us feel even worse, yet again. This is the deadly cycle of momentum. One thing leads to another, creating a cataclysmic landslide towards complete and utter breakdown.

While this picture is extreme, we can all relate. Sometimes things seem to fall apart in our lives, and we struggle to pick up the pieces. When we start that downhill slide, how do we stop the momentum? How do we pick ourselves up?

To understand this, we need to develop an important theme connected to both Parshas Re’eh and the month of Elul as a whole.

Free Will

Parshas Re’eh begins with the principle of choice: Hashem presents us with the choice between blessing and curse, between good and bad (Devarim 11:26). In a few parshios from now, the Torah states: “u’bacharta b’chaim-” you shall choose life (Devarim 30:19). This is cited by most commentators as the source for the principle of free will, the power of choice.

The month of Elul is deeply tied to the theme of teshuva- usually translated as repentance. The Rambam (Hilchos Teshuva, Chapter 5) includes the concept of free will within the laws of teshuva. This seems both strange and unnecessary. The necessity and nature of free will appears more philosophical than legal, so why does the Rambam include this in his work of halachic codes? And more specifically, why include this in the context of teshuva? To understand this, we must delve into the true nature of teshuva.

Teshuva: Act of Return

While teshuva is often translated as repentance, its literal meaning is “return”, as in the word “shuv”. The goal of teshuva is not only to free ourselves of punishment

is about self-transformation, returning to a higher, better version of ourselves. We don’t only wish to escape, we wish to ascend. It is on this premise that the Rambam describes the three-step process of

The first step of teshuva is recognizing that there is a problem to fix, that a mistake has occurred. It is impossible to solve a problem without first admitting that the problem exists. It is all too easy to simply push forward in life, ignoring our inner and outer struggles. But that results in the downward cascade described above. Only by acknowledging the problem can we stop the downward momentum and actually solve it.

The second step of teshuva is to regret one’s mistake. Often, we know that a problem exists, but we don’t feel ashamed, hurt, or even bothered by it. Without internal regret or hurt, we will not be motivated enough to take the actionable steps required to make change. When we yearn for the truth and allow ourselves to powerfully feel the inner contradiction between how we could be living and how we currently are living, we generate the emotional response necessary to genuinely regret our past mistakes.

Third, one must commit to an improved future, one in which this mistake will not be repeated. We must commit to strive towards a greater version of ourselves, whereby if given the chance to repeat this mistake, we would not give in to temptation, but would overcome the challenge instead.

The Necessity of Free Will

In order for the process of teshuva to exist, there is one essential element: free will. The only way we can genuinely change, transform, and evolve is if we

have the capacity to assert our inner will, to create a new reality within ourselves. This requires a complete re-creation of self within our consciousness, a remolding of our inner world. While yesterday, we were the type of person who did one thing, today, a new decision is formed, a new reality is created within our inner world. This requires a complete assertion of willpower, an overcoming of self, a breakdown and reformation of inner drive and character. This means giving up who we are for who we want to be, sacrificing what we think we want for what we truly want (See Rambam, Hilchos Gerushin 2:20). It means overcoming the emotional and overwhelming pull of current desire and generating a new “want” within our very core. This is why the Rambam places his seemingly philosophical discussion of the concept of free will amongst the halachos of teshuva; free will is the very root and foundation of hilchos teshuva. Without free will, one could never change, one could never become something else, someone new, someone better.

Strikingly, Rav Eliyahu Dessler explains that many people never experience a true assertion of their free will, due to its immense difficulty. This is why many people do not change. Change is hard, uncomfortable, and often requires sacrifice. One must fully and wholeheartedly believe in their new future in order to give up their current lifestyle. However, when we push with all our might, expressing a full force of our inner will, we get a taste of truth, an experience of destiny, and a glimpse of

our true self.

Breaking Momentum

We can now return to our original question regarding how to stop the downwards momentum of failure and bad decisions. The answer is simple, a single word: decide! Choice is the most powerful tool Hashem has granted us. The power of choice allows us to accomplish anything. When life begins to fall apart, and bad decisions start piling up, we must cut off the downward momentum before it grows out of control, before it destroys us. The key is making the decision, asserting your inner will, and focusing its full force towards cutting off the momentum. If you can stop the momentum of bad decisions, of a lifestyle that is draining the life out of you, you can stop it from spreading. With nowhere to spread, negativity is like a flame without oxygen- it simmers out and disappears. It all starts with a single decision to turn the tide, to begin building positive momentum, to start climbing uphill, to start heading towards your ultimate destination. If you can take that first step and push towards your greatness, you will suddenly begin riding that new wave. This is the power of choice, this is the power of positive momentum.

The Root of Teshuva

DeveFree will - choice - is the root of teshuva. Teshuva is about reengineering our will, recreating our desires, rewiring our wants. It’s about the decision to be better, to be great, to become our best and

truest selves. As the Ramchal explains in Mesilas Yesharim, if you change what you want (akiras ha’ratzon), you change who you are. When you make a new decision, you create a new reality for yourself. When the shofar blows this year, let us truly awaken. In some sense, we all need a shofar for the shofar, we need a wakeup call to listen to this year’s wakeup call. Many are numb to the wordless blast, deaf to its existential calling. Some have given up on change, while others are too busy with life to stop and truly consider the possibility of more, of a greater life. This year, let us embrace the shofar’s call and tap into our higher purpose. As we approach Rosh Hashanah, may we all be inspired to fully utilize this Elul, to embark on a journey of genuine teshuva, and continue the process of becoming our ultimate selves.

Rabbi Shmuel Reichman is a bestselling author, international speaker, and the CEO of Self-Mastery Academy. He is also a business, executive, and leadership coach, with a unique approach based on Torah values and principles. His bestselling book, The Journey to Your Ultimate Self, serves as an inspiring gateway into deeper Jewish thought. After obtaining his BA from Yeshiva University, he received Semicha from Yeshiva University’s RIETS, a master’s degree in education from Azrieli Graduate School, and a master’s degree in Jewish Thought from Bernard Revel Graduate School, and then spent a year studying at Harvard as an Ivy Plus Scholar. He currently lives in Chicago with his wife and son where he is pursuing a PhD at the University of Chicago. To enjoy more of Rabbi Reichman’s content, to contact him, or to learn more about his services, visit his website: ShmuelReichman.com

Perhaps one of the lesser-known, but vital community institutions is TAG of Los Angeles. A visit to the office on any given night will find a cross-section of LA’s diverse Jewish community. You will find Yidden from all communities and ages who have come to filter their devices. Many have come just to discuss their digital needs and hear their options. The energy in the office is amazing. People love doing what’s right.

TAG, aka Technology Awareness Group, is a non-profit chesed organization that assists people who wish to protect themselves and their families from the negative aspects of technology and the internet. TAG’s mission is to increase community awareness and to provide guidance and support. They offer a free community service to find appropriate filters for each device. The filtering software is advanced technology and is constantly being updated and improved.

TAG International is a global organization with 55 offices spread across the globe, from Gateshead to Gibraltar, Lakewood to Los Angeles, and Brazil to Boro Park.

TAG LA originally opened at the end of 2014. The “Walk-In Center” opened two years ago and is now open every night of the week, which is a reflection of the community’s growing interest and desire to ensure the safe use of technology both in and out of the home. An appointment is not required. To date they have serviced over 1800 individuals and families, filtered over one thousand devices, and have had nearly one thousand kiosk uses. Hundreds of kosher phones have been sold. They also work hand in hand with local schools and Yeshivos, both in an advisory role and in implementing policy and standards.

One of TAG’s guiding principles is to be an open, judgment-free place. TAG wants you to know there are real solutions, a range of filters that work on almost any device, where you can choose the level of filtering or access. One could compare installing a filter to wearing a seat belt. You may never need it, but it is there to keep you safe just in case.

It is amazing to see how many people come in from all walks of life, and want to do the right thing.

o p e n h o u s e

Protecting Our Families

Regardless of one’s level of observance, we can all agree that there are many aspects of the internet and digital connectivity that are detrimental to our lives and the lives of our children as safe, productive, and healthy Jewish people.

As parents, it is our responsibility to educate ourselves about what can and cannot be done to ensure the safety of each device we bring into our homes. It is imperative that we be informed about the capabilities of the devices we allow our children to use and have access to! Not all devices can be serviced by TAG, so it is worthwhile to call TAG before you buy a new device, to find out if it can be serviced.

It is shocking when parents give an unprotected device to a child or teen. They are naturally curious and inquisitive. They can never unsee something that they saw. All too often parents wake up when there is already a serious problem. Studies show that although 75 percent of parents believe their children have not seen inappropriate material online, the truth is that up to 70 percent of children say they have seen objectionable content.

A b o u t t r o o p 3 6 0

W e a r e t h e L o s A n g e l e s O r t h o d o x

J e w i s h T r o o p o f B o y S c o u t s o f A m e r i c a

( B S A )

S e p a r a t e b o y s a n d g i r l s t r o o p s

W e l c o m i n g a g e s 1 1 + f r o m g r a d e s 6 - 1 2

O p p o r t u n i t i e s

L e a d e r s h i p , o u t d o o r e x p e r i e n c e s

H i k i n g , c a m p i n g , b a c k p a c k i n g , a n d

m o r e !

O v e r 1 0 0 M e r i t b a d g e s

C a m p s N a t i o n w i d e

M a i n e v e n t s

E a c h T r o o p h a s b i - m o n t h l y m e e t i n g s

A t t e n d B S A S c o u t C a m p s e v e r y s u m m e r

C a m p i n g a n d h i k e s m u l t i p l e t i m e s a y e a r

scoutmaster@bhtroop360

Many parents are unaware that the following devices have internet capabilities and therefore may require filters and/ or disabling of the Wi-Fi: Cameras, basic phones (even a flip phone!), Nintendo or other gaming devices, tablets, Amazon devices, smartwatches, MP3 players, iPods, Google Home, or Alexa. Many parents purchase a flip phone wrongly assuming there’s nothing to worry about. Parents would never allow their young children to drive cars or carry weapons. Even for teens, when driving becomes a legal option, they must still be taught how to safely drive a vehicle, and there are boundaries put in place as to when and with whom you can drive. The internet has the potential to be extremely harmful, and children cannot be trusted on their own.

Even with a filter in place, one must supervise and continue to monitor the device. Many have the misconception that a filter is equivalent to a Hechsher on foodstuff, and assume that once a device has a filter, it has “passed” and has become “Kosher.” This is a mistake. Responsibility for the use of the Internet lies squarely on the user; a filter is only there to help them not to stumble.

What’s the Big Deal?

Many are aware of the more obvious dangers of the internet and technology, such as inappropriate content, and the need to guard one’s eyes. What may not be as well known is the danger of kefirah and lifestyles and attitudes that are the complete antithesis to the Torah. We have

to be vigilant not to allow secular ideas and standards to infiltrate our homes and minds.

Time wasting is a real issue. Many (non-Jewish) companies have filtering software installed at their offices just to boost productivity.

Additionally, life has become a true rat race where WhatsApp, and other apps that allow people to stay connected, often lead to jealousy and unhappiness. Many share and compare every minute detail of their lives. As frum Jews, we should lead our lives out of the public eye and not encourage jealousy.

Filters: A Basic

Overview

A filter is computer software that manages the Internet connection and controls the content. The content filtering settings are determined by the device owner. There are many types of filter options, and millions of dollars have been invested in the last few years in enhancing and advancing the filters and putting new ones on the market.

Whitelisting is where one allows specific websites and nothing else. Content filters allow for full internet use, but break down the internet based on categories; sports, shopping, business, etc.

Many filters offer dynamic real-time content filtering where they scan websites and internet searches for text, images, and video content as well as keywords. Many filters offer multi-user accounts, with different levels of filtering set for different users on the same device.

Additionally, there are optional time schedules, where the device use is limited to specific times.

Filters: Fact vs. Fiction

A few common myths exist regarding filters that need to be dispelled. Filters do not break phones, nor are they permanent. They no longer slow down your device as they used to, as they have improved in speed and accuracy. The filters can be removed by TAG and the restrictions can always be modified and customized to meet your needs and wants. True, one might get blocked when not supposed to be, and waiting for a blocked site to open may take some patience, and people feel tied down and restricted and don’t want to deal with it. But one should be willing to deal with the inconvenience in exchange for all the benefits a filter provides. When someone sacrifices and makes a positive change, Hashem will reciprocate. By taking proper safeguards you are showing Hashem that you are trying and Hashem will help you succeed. Using a filter brings more kedushah and brachah into our homes.

Chani Heyman

Q:How do I get my kids excited about the upcoming Jewish holidays?

A:That is such an important topic, thank you for writing in. There are a few angles to take on this topic, but I would like to focus first on ourselves.

As a Jewish mother, we have a lot of pressure. Making Yom tov is a huge ordeal. Add to that kids home from school, Yom tov clothing, table decor, company, picky eaters… the list can go on indefinitely. It’s easy to lose sight of the main objective - having a joyous Yom Tov, connecting to Hashem, and transmitting the feeling of gratitude for being Jewish and having these Yom Tovs to our children!

I want to make your question even stronger; It is imperative to pass on these values to the next generation, as your children are the future of the Jewish people. In a few years, they will have their own homes and will be responsible for celebrating their own Yom Tov and making it enjoyable for their families. They need to understand why they should continue this legacy. If it is perceived as a constant source of stress, they might question its necessity.

Here are some tips to navigate this challenge:

Firstly, it is crucial for you as a mother to find inspiration yourself. With so many other responsibilities, are you excited for Yom Tov? Nowadays, there are numerous lectures and podcasts available, providing guidance and spiritual inspiration that you can easily access without leaving home. (I like to listen to different shiurim while I am cooking for Yom Tov. Rabbi Wallerstein’s podcast on Spotify is one of my favorites or different speakers on Torah Anytime). It is a great way to revisit the inspiration we received from our school days.

Secondly, get excited yourself! Show emotion to your children. If all they see is a stressed mother, it’s hard for them to be excited. Whatever it is that excites you, find anything. Whether it’s a captivating lecture you just heard, the new fruits for Rosh Hahanah, or your table decor. Give over to them whatever it is that excites you about Yom Tov! Let your kids see that! Don’t be embarrassed. They know what gets you upset. Right? Such as when they forget to make their bed or make a huge mess after the housekeeper has just cleaned up. In those moments, we are quick to show our emotions. Make sure to show your emotions now as well.

To conclude, as Jewish mothers, we often face immense pressure when preparing for and celebrating Yom Tov. However, it is crucial for us to remember one of the ultimate goals - to create a joyous and meaningful ex-

perience for ourselves and our children while transmitting the values to the next generation. To achieve this, we must find inspiration for ourselves and then share our excitement and emotions with our children, allowing them to witness our genuine enthusiasm for Yom Tov. By doing so, we can instill in them a sense of pride and hopefully get them excited for Yom Tov. Let us approach Yom Tov with joy and gratitude, passing down the legacy of our traditions to the next generation.

What furniture or interior work will your community need in the coming year?

Is your synagogue renovating? Would like to make a dedication to the community or invest in furniture for your home? Bass Furniture is dedicated to serving the LA Jewish community with the quality craftsmanship from Israel. Shipping quickly, efficiently, and affordably directly to your door.

Schedule your free consultation today! Call +1-914-339-2695

WhatsApp +972 52-676-9789

Chani Heyman is a parenting coach who has been giving parenting classes, based on the teaching of Rebbetzin Spetner, for over 9 years to hundreds of mothers across the US. You can reach her at chaniheyman@gmail.com

Chef Nir Weinblut

Adding a Turkish-Sephardic Twist to Your Rosh Hashanah Celebration.

Don’t just enjoy the Simanim with their blessings; keep those blessings coming throughout your meal.

SAMAK BI TAHINI

Baked Fish with Tahini & Pomegranate Garnish

This recipe draws inspiration from the Syrian Kitchen but has been adapted to incorporate my wife’s Mexican heritage from the Syrian community in Mexico City. It’s a dish that combines the flavors of the Turks, known for their fresh fish, with the Tehina from the Syrian kitchen, resulting in a perfect collaboration.

Ingredients

• 4 (4- to 5-ounce) fish filets (White Fish Fillet, Cod, Branzino, or any white rock fish)

• 1/2 teaspoon Cumin

• 1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder 1/2 teaspoon Onion Powder

• Juice of 1/2 Lemon (for the fish)

• Kosher salt, to taste

• Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

• 1/2 cup Flour (optional)

• 4-6 tablespoons Oil for sautéing the filets or for baking in the oven

Directions

• 1 large onion, sliced, for caramelizing and as a fish garnish

• 2 tablespoons toasted Pine nuts

• 2 tablespoons finely chopped Parsley

• 1/2 cup Pomegranate seeds

• 1 cup tahini paste

• 1 cup ice cold water (you will only use 1/2-3/4 cup)

• 2-3 garlic cloves

• 3 tbsp lemon juice (for the tahini)

• Salt to taste

• Season the fish with all the dry spices, sprinkle with lemon juice, and let it sit for 15-20 minutes.

• In a hot pan with a little oil, caramelize the sliced onions over medium heat until they turn golden brown. The goal is not to make them too firm; you want the sweetness of the golden brown onions.

• For Baking or Sautéing the fish: Heat oil in a pan. You can choose to dredge the filets in flour or not – both ways taste great. Using flour will provide more texture and a slight crunch.

• Do a quick sauté. If you’re using a thicker cut of fish like cod, halibut, or sea bass, you can finish cooking the fish in the oven. However, since white fish and most rockfish filets are usually thin, sautéing them is perfect and they will be ready quite fast.

• Once the fish is cooked, set it aside.

Tahini Sauce:

• In a food processor, combine 1 cup of tahini paste (mix it well beforehand, as tahini tends to separate over time), 1/2 to 3/4 cup of ice-cold water (you can use water with ice cubes to keep the tahini white), finely chopped garlic, olive oil, 2-3 tablespoons of lemon juice (preferably fresh), and kosher salt. Process for 15-30 seconds while gradually pouring in the ice-cold water as it mixes. Adjust the amount of lemon juice according to your preference for tanginess.

Assembling the Dish:

• Spread a layer of tahini on the bottom of the serving platter. Save some tahini to drizzle over the fish.

• Arrange the caramelized onions, pomegranate seeds, toasted pine nuts, and finely chopped parsley on top of the tahini layer.

• Place the cooked fish filets on the bed of tahini and garnishes.

• Drizzle the remaining tahini over the fish.

• Enjoy your flavorful Samak Bi Tahini with the harmonious blend of textures and tastes.

(Note: The quantities and cooking times may vary based on your preferences and the thickness of the fish filets. Adjust as needed. Also, for those who prefer warm tahini, you can place the assembled dish in the oven for a few minutes to warm the tahini and onions. It’s great either way.)

Chag Sameach! If you enjoyed the recipes, take a picture and email us or tag us (nir@lagondola.com).

We’ll post a few of the pictures and you’ll have a chance to win a $25 gift card to La Gondola. The best picture will win a $100 gift card to La Gondola.

KEFTIKAS DE PRASA

Leek Patties with Beef/Lamb

TISPISHTI

Walnut Cake

Ingredients

• 1 pound ground beef or lamb.

• 2 medium-sized leeks (about 0.5 kg / 1.1 lb), well cleaned

• 1-2 large eggs

• 1/3 cup breadcrumbs

• Fine sea salt and black pepper, to taste

• 1/2 cup grapeseed oil, for pan frying

• For a vegetarian version, substitute ground beef with boiled potatoes/ mash.

Directions

Preparing the Leeks:

• Halve the leeks lengthwise, then thinly slice them. If the green part of the leek is fresh and nice, use it too. Ensure you wash them thoroughly as they tend to accumulate dirt.

• Place the chopped leeks in a medium saucepan, adding water until it reaches about 3/4 of the height of the leeks. Bring to a boil. Tip: Add one to 2 teaspoons of lemon juice to the water. This adds flavor and helps maintain the leeks’ color.

• Cook over medium-high heat for 40-60 minutes, stirring occasionally. The goal is to evaporate all the water and make the leeks completely tender. You may need to cook the leeks a little longer. It’s essential that the leeks are braised and soft.

• After you notice no water at the bottom of the pot, continue cooking and stirring often for an additional 5 minutes over medium-low heat. This step helps to further dry out the leeks. We don’t want much moisture, as you’ll need to add more breadcrumbs.

Forming the Patties:

• Transfer the cooked leeks to a large bowl. Add the beef/lamb, eggs, breadcrumbs, and salt. Mix everything together thoroughly.

• Heat the oil in a wide pan over medium-high heat. To prevent sticking, you can either use wet hands or lightly spray your hands with oil. Take a heaped tablespoon of the mixture and form patties that are about 1 to 1.5 inches in size and around ½ inch thick.

• Place the patties in the pan and fry for 2-3 minutes on each side until they turn golden and crispy. Make sure the oil reheats between batches of patties. If the oil cools down, the patties will soak up more oil.

• Use a spatula to carefully remove the patties and place them on paper towels to drain excess oil. Repeat the process with the remaining mixture, forming and frying the rest of the patties.

• Serve the patties accompanied by homemade tahini for dipping.

Ingredients

Syrup:

• 2 cups granulated sugar

• 1/4 Cup Honey

• 1 cup water

• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

• 1 tablespoon orange-flower water (optional)

Cake:

• Canola oil or margarine for greasing the pan

• 10 large eggs, separated

• 2/3 cup granulated sugar

Directions

Syrup

• 2 teaspoons baking soda

• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed orange juice

• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

• Grated zest of 1 medium orange

• Grated zest of 1 medium lemon

• 2 cups finely ground toasted walnuts

• Thinly sliced oranges, for serving (optional)

• To make the syrup, combine sugar, honey, water, and lemon juice in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Reduce the heat to low and let it simmer for 8-10 minutes until the mixture becomes syrupy. Remove from heat and allow to cool. Once cooled, add the optional orange-flower water, if using. Set aside.

• Grease a 10x14x3-inch baking pan with olive oil or butter. Line the bottom with parchment paper and lightly grease it as well. Set the pan aside. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit and position a rack in the center.

Cake

For the cake, beat the egg yolks in the bowl of a stand mixer until they turn pale yellow. Gradually add the sugar while the mixer is running, and continue beating until the mixture becomes thick and pale.

• Dissolve the baking soda in the orange juice and add it to the egg yolk mixture, along with the vanilla, cinnamon, and cloves. Beat until everything is well combined. Remove the bowl from the stand and gently fold in the grated zest and all the ground nuts (make sure you have a full 2 cups). Set the mixture aside.

• In another bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form. Incorporate about a third of the beaten egg whites into the nut mixture. Carefully fold in the remaining egg whites, taking care not to deflate them.

• Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake the cake for 22-25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

Tip: You can add chopped fruit into the cake batter by folding it in, and even pareve Chocolate Chips into the batter. There’s no wrong way in the kitchen.

Our Beloved Rosh Hashanah Sweet

Substitute with Potatoes This dish is a staple on our Rosh Hashanah and Pesach tables.

Bringing Your Son to Shul – Is It Time?

“When should I start making my kid come to shul?” This is a question that comes up a lot, usually between the ages of seven and ten. There are certain aspects of being a therapist that can shed some light on how to come to an answer and how to make it happen smoothly and successfully when it is time to bring your son along with you. Keep in mind that there are halachic guidelines to consider as well.

Before discussing anything else, consider why you want your son to come to shul. Speaking with different fathers will yield a bunch of different answers, including, “Well, he’s old enough and he should be going,” to “I want him to start getting used to it.” Each of these answers deserve discussion by themselves, and we’ll try to give some attention to a few.

“Well, he’s old enough, and he should be going.” Any answer that includes the word “should” needs a little extra introspection. What makes you think this is what your son “should” be doing? Is this the age you were when your father started bringing you? Are other boys his age going? Ask yourself the proper questions, and you may discover that the answer of “he should be

going” is a smoke screen for other, potentially deeper, answers. This is not to say that the answer isn’t valid, but you won’t know that until you get past the smoke screen.

“I’d like him to learn what it’s like to be in shul for davening.” If this is your reason, you may want to consider whether he’s old enough to daven for an extended period of time and what he might be doing in shul if he’s not. Unless your shul has youth groups, he may find himself roaming the halls/grounds unsupervised, or inside disturbing the davening. Consider bringing him to a shorter tefilla. He may have patience for that and won’t run the risk of having to keep himself occupied. This also keeps him away from the impression that “davening is long and shul is boring.”

“All the other boys his age come to shul.” The problem with this answer is that it’s missing a “therefore.” Others do it, and then we need to see a logical jump to your son specifically. Yes, there is what to be said about the idea of doing what others are doing, but this is not about the other boys. It’s about your son, and what’s best for him in his development.

“He should meet friends from the neighborhood.” This is actually a very valid

reason. Although it may not be thought of as such, shul is one of the few officially sanctioned social outlets for the frum man. Expanding your son’s social circles to include people in his neighborhood in a communal environment sets the stage for a future of social interactions in the same setting.

“He just bothers everyone at home.” This is, not surprisingly, very common, especially with older boys. It may be a reason to start bringing him along with you on Shabbos morning, even if he himself isn’t ready to sit and daven. Make sure you bring things to keep him occupied. If he ends up hanging out with other boys in the same boat, check in on him periodically. This way, he knows you’re watching, and you’ll feel more secure in knowing what he’s up to and who he’s with. If he’s not ready for that, you may be able to help things out by changing the dynamic at home. Easier said than done and certainly not for this discussion.

Your son may be capable of sitting through davening, or coming to shul nicely, davening a bit, and not disturbing for the rest. You may have decided it’s a good idea to bring him. The one catch is that

he’s not interested. In situations like these, a little incentivization works very well. When coming up with an incentive, it’s important to choose something together that isn’t huge, is finite, and will help your son acclimate to the point where he doesn’t need the incentive to continue the behavior. One father I worked with arranged for his son to earn a piece of a shtender (side panels, top panel, molding, etc.) for each time he came to shul. After about ten times, the boy had earned a shtender and was happy to come to shul. No further incentivization was needed.

Part of our role as fathers is to help our sons develop a healthy relationship with their sense of ruchniyus, with the parts of our day that help us to connect to Hashem. It’s important to do it carefully and in a way which makes them feel enthused and ambitious, not resentful, and ambivalent. If we truly consider what’s best for them and what their needs are, we will, b’ezras Hashem, be successful.

Yeshaya Kraus, LCSW is a writer, speaker, and therapist working with parents, men with relationship challenges, and couples. He is based in Far Rockaway and can be reached at yykraus@gmail.com.

Yeshaya Kraus, LCSW

The Power of Personal Thanks: Rav Yosef Shalom

Elyashiv’s

Inspiring Act of Gratitude

Based on a story told over by Rabbi Fischel Schachter

Heart surgery is an extremely risky procedure for anyone. When Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv ZT’L, at the age of 102, required a heart procedure, no doctor in Eretz Yisrael was willing to take on the risk of performing it. Instead, a world-renowned heart surgeon from America, along with his team of doctors and equipment, was flown in, despite the considerable expense. Upon their initial conversation, the esteemed doctor was amazed by Rav Elyashiv’s sharpness. Here was a man of 102 years, asking precise questions with a clarity that surpassed even individuals twenty years his junior.

Thankfully, the surgery was successful, and before the doctor and his team returned to the United States, he made a final visit to Rav Elyashiv. Anticipating this visit, Rav Elyashiv turned to someone and asked, “How do you say thank you in English?” He practiced saying the words “Thank you” multiple times until he could say them fluently. When the doctor finished his visit, Rav

Elyashiv expressed his gratitude in English by saying “Thank you.”

People around them were surprised because Rav Elyashiv had been communicating with the doctor through an interpreter throughout their interactions. They wondered why it was so important for him to personally say “Thank you” instead of relying on the interpreter to translate “Todah rabba.” When Rav Elyashiv was asked this question, he explained a fundamental concept.

Rav Elyashiv referred to a beautiful explanation from the Abudraham. During the chazaras hashatz, the congregation listens attentively as the shaliach tzibbur recites the Shmoneh Esrei. However, when the shaliach tzibbur reaches the bracha of Modim, the entire congregation bows down and says Modim derabanan, a prayer of thanks to Hashem. In Modim derabanan, we personally express gratitude to Hashem, recognizing that our lives are solely in His hands.

We can appoint a messenger, the shaliach tzibbur, to beseech Hashem on

our behalf for healing or sustenance. The shaliach tzibbur can intercede for us in numerous requests. However, when it comes to thanking Hashem, it must be done personally by each individual. We cannot delegate someone else to say thank you on our behalf because the depth of gratitude varies based on the individual.

Daniel Agalar

Daniel Agalar is the founder of Stories to Inspire, an organization dedicated to sharing curated inspirational stories from renowned Rabbonim. With a widely popular podcast that has surpassed 4 million downloads, Daniel’s passion for spreading positivity shines through. Join their daily Whatsapp broadcast by messaging 310-210-1205 or explore over 4,250 stories on their website at www.storiestoinspire.org. The stories can also be accessed on their hotline at 718-400-7145.

Lou Shapiro

Trump is in the process of mounting defenses to four different criminal cases. Many are wondering what his legal defenses will be. We will now address them on a case-by-case basis:

Hush Money Case:

This was filed by Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg. The allegations are that Trump falsified business records by not reporting a private civil settlement as a campaign contribution.

Defenses: He was acting on the advice of counsel, Michael Cohen, who pleaded guilty in 2018 of campaign-finance violations. He may also argue that the settlement does not constitute a campaign contribution because he would have entered into it regardless of whether he was running for president.

Classified Documents at Mar-a-Lago:

Trump is charged with 37 counts, including willful retention of national defense information and conspiracy to obstruct justice, and that he plotted with two employees to destroy incriminating security-camera footage.

Defenses: He was operating under the scope of the Presidential Records Act, which does not specify a deadline for when classified documents need to be returned. He will say that given the amount of boxes that he had to go through, he didn’t willfully retain documents, rather he just needed more time to sort through

Trump’s Yellow Brick Road

them. Finally, he may contend that he is being selectively prosecuted because former Vice President Mike Pence and President Biden were both found to be in possession of classified documents well after they had left office.

Washington D.C.- Overturning Election:

Trump is charged with conspiracy to defraud the United States, obstructing an official proceeding, and conspiracy against rights. The theory is that Trump engaged in repeated and widespread efforts to spread false claims about the November 2020 election while knowing they were not true and for allegedly attempting to illegally discount legitimate votes all with the goal of overturning the 2020 election. He is also alleged to have tried to block the official certification proceeding in Congress which would deprive voters of their right to vote in the election.

Defenses: Trump will assert that he firmly believed that he won the election and therefore did not have the specific intent to defraud, which is required by the statutes. He will also counter that his statements are protected by the First Amendment right to free speech.

Fulton County, GeorgiaOverturning Election:

Trump is charged with running a criminal enterprise to overturn Georgia’s election result. Prosecutors say the crim-

inal actions the charge is built around include: making false statements, filing false documents and forgeries, impersonating officials, computer breaches, and attempts to influence witnesses. There are 19 co-defendants charged along with Trump. The racketeering charge carries a 5-year mandatory minimum prison sentence.

Defenses: Similar to the D.C. case, Trump will maintain that he genuinely believed that he won the state of Georgia and that he was trying to right a wrong which negates any fraudulent intent. Furthermore, he will assert the advice of counsel defense and argue that his attorneys, John Eastman and Sydney Powell, advised him that he was acting in accordance with the law. Eastman is the founding director of the Center for Constitutional Jurisprudence, a public interest law firm affiliated with the Claremont Institute, a former professor and former dean at the Chapman University School of Law, and clerked for Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Eastman prepared a 2-page legal memo to Trump which outlined a six-step process for Trump to coordinate with then Vice President Mike Pence to overturn the election. Trump relied on this memo when he took the action for which he is charged.

Any seasoned trial lawyer will tell you that going to trial is always a risk. One can have the law and facts on their side, but the jury can still choose to ig-

nore them for their own personal reasons. This is known as jury nullification.

No doubt Trump has a lot to contend with. As stoic as he appears on his camera, the stress of these prosecutions is surely eating at him. His best defense will be to win the 2024 election. Then he will pardon himself of the Classified Documents case and D.C. case. He will not however be able to pardon himself of the Hush Money case or Fulton County case, even if he moves the Fulton County case to federal court. That is because they are state cases and only the Governor can pardon someone convicted of a state crime.

The Fulton County case is of much more concern than the Hush Money case because the former triggers mandatory jail time. Trump will try to move the Fulton County case to federal court on the basis that it involves federal issues of law. That would likely result in a later trial date than a state court trial and relocate the case to a more desirable jury pool for him. If he loses at trial, then it cues up the case to be handled by the U.S. Supreme Court, which consists of three Trump appointees, for any issues on appeal.

Sounds simple enough right? Just ask Dorothy.

Lou Shapiro is a criminal defense attorney-certified specialist and legal analyst, but most importantly, makes the end-of-shul announcements at Adas Torah. He can be reached at LouisJShapiro@gmail.com.

EL AL Announces New Matmid Frequent Flyer Club Eliminates Cash Payment for Award Tickets

TEL AVIV (Aug. 31, 2023) – On Sept. 1, 2023, an all-new Matmid Frequent Flyer Program will be introduced, allowing members to purchase award tickets using points only, with no addition of cash, other than for tax and fees.

The enhanced point system ensures that Matmid points remain valid as long as Matmid members continue to fly with EL AL. To make the Matmid program even more attractive, Matmid points will be multiplied by 50. EL AL also announced that it has launched a new frequent flyer currency called Diamonds which allows members to elevate their status.

Currently, award fares include points, plus a cash component and taxes. Beginning September 1, 2023 members will book award tickets with points only (excluding taxes and fees). The award fares will be updated every few months assuring EL AL award fares align with market standards. Members can use their points to purchase tickets from Israel up

to one year in advance of the departure date.

In addition, active Matmid members’ points will not expire as long as the members stay active by earning at least one point every 18 months on an EL AL flight, or charge at least NIS 5,000 in a month with their FLY CARD during that time.

EL AL will also launch a new user-friendly calculator that displays the new award fares. This innovative tool will make using Matmid points for air travel easier than ever before.

“Our all-new Matmid Frequent Flyer program now ranks among the attractive programs in the industry,” said Ronen Galperin, CEO of Matmid Frequent Flyer Club. “The new program offers an array of advantages to our active and loyal members.”

The program also offers significant discounts (10-40%) on award tickets to popular destinations.

And EL AL has significantly ex-

panded members’ opportunities to earn points. Purchases of “SPACE” seats and excess baggage will now also earn points. While points will continue to be required for award tickets and products, Diamonds will determine membership status, and with a higher status, members will earn more points for every dollar spent as illustrated in the chart below:

New point accrual as of September 1, 2023:

Member Status Points earned/$1 spent Matmid TL 6

Silver SL 8

Gold GL 9

Platinum PL 11

Top Platinum TP 12

In addition, members will earn one diamond for every dollar spent with EL AL. FLY CARD Premium holders will enjoy a higher earning rate of 1.2 Diamonds for every dollar spent.

FLY CARD Premium holders also will be able to earn Diamonds on pur-

chases, with a conversion rate of 80 NIS for 1 Diamond, up to 12,000 Diamonds over a 12-month period.

Significant improvements in thresholds make it faster and easier to reach high tiers. Previously, achieving Gold status required an annual accrual of 1,000 points for spending $7,000 with EL AL (the equivalent of earning 7,000 Diamonds in the new Matmid program). In the new program Gold status can be achieved with 6,000 Diamonds for purchases totaling $6,000.

New tier thresholds as of September 1, 2023:

Member Status Diamonds

Silver SL 3,000

Gold GL 6,000

Platinum PL 12,000

Top Platinum TP 28,000

*Subject to the new Matmid Frequent Flyer Program terms and conditions specified on EL AL’s website

My Journey to Poland Part Two

Clarisse Schlesinger

Shabbos in Poland and on to the ‘Camps’

At the outbreak of World War 2, there were 60,000 Jews in Krakow out of 250,000 total residents. Almost none survived the war. There are buildings remaining that were once part of a thriving Jewish community. We were able to see remnants of the ghettos walls as well as the Schindler Factory.

The Jewish area of Krakow had many shuls still intact, presently used for davening for groups and as tourist attractions. Why did the Nazis not destroy these magnificent shuls? Because they were beautifully well-built buildings. They served as Nazi headquarters, offices, and in the worst cases, as storehouses. The buildings were saved. The people were destroyed.

Remah Synagogue and Cemetery,

Krakow

The Remah Synagogue is from the 16th-century. The synagogue is named after Rabbi Moses Isserles (c.1525–1572), known by the Hebrew acronym Rema (א״מר, pronounced Remu) who’s famous for writing a collection of commentaries and additions that complement Rabbi Yosef Karo’s Shulchan Aruch, with Ashkenazi traditions and customs. It is currently one of two active synagogues in the city. During the Holocaust, the synagogue was sequestered by the German Trust Office and served as a storehouse, having been despoiled of its valuable ceremonial objects and historic furbishing, including the bimah.

in the cemetery. Also buried in this cemetery are some noted rabbis of long ago. It is truly a nes that these kevarim still remain: Rabbi Yom-Tov Lipmann Heller, (15781654), a Bohemian rabbi and Talmudist, best known for writing a commentary on the Mishnah called the Tosafos Yom-Tov and Yossele the Holy Miser, the central figure in a well-known tale of Jewish folklore that our tour leader, Chana Silver told us as we stood by the kevarim of the two men who were buried next to each other (check out the story online—Shlomo Carlebach has a rendition of music about Yosele.)

Yes, one can research and find out where all these holy tzadikim are buried, but until one stands there one cannot feel the tradition, feel the Yiddishe neshamos that are inspiring us to continue to daven, learn, and pray for ultimate redemption.

Shabbos in Krakow

many years when she lived in Memphis, was in tears. No matter how many times she takes groups to this part of Majdanek, it is so painful to see these tables that they used for the purposes mentioned above. They remind Chana of the Tahara tables where so much kavod is given to each body where the neshama has left, but tradition tells us is still nearby un-

til the actual burial. This reminder to ben adam l’chaveiro, in juxtaposition to this horror penetrates our souls.

At one point, we were leaning against the walls singing as other groups of nonJews or non-religious Jews passed through. It brought tears to our eyes, as did standing in the rooms where the bodies were burnt after being gassed. We do not understand how this happened, but we can at least be satisfied that these places are being maintained so the entire world can know and come to pray to be better human beings under more civilized governments.

Among the individuals who recreated the site were artists and architects. Ironically, it is a beautiful place where one walks through and senses the experiences through every fiber of one’s being. Artists and architects teamed up to create a memorial that is truly one of a kind. Our group again sang ךלא יכ םג as we followed the path through two walls that were meant to symbolize sinking into the pit of destruction. We continued to sing in a room in the memorial specifically called the Reflection Room.

On Sunday, we reached the pinnacle of evil by going to Auschwitz. There are a few different parts. Jews were forced to walk from Auschwitz to Birkenau if they were not given the okay to live. The gas chambers were mainly located in Birkenau. Perhaps the distance was on purpose so that those who walked there-- the old, the ill, the children, would not know what was awaiting them. Considering the world awareness of Auschwitz as the symbol of the evil of the Nazis, we do not need to discuss in further detail.

The Old Jewish Cemetery, more commonly known as the Remah Cemetery, established in the 1500s, is one of the oldest existing Jewish cemeteries in Poland. It is situated beside the 16th-century Remah Synagogue. During the German occupation of Poland, the Nazis destroyed the site by tearing down walls and hauling away tombstones to be used as paving stones in the camps or selling them for profit. The tombstone of the Remah (Rabbi Moses Isserles) is one of the few that remained intact. The cemetery has undergone a series of post-war restorations. As is common in contemporary Poland, all original tombstones unearthed as paving stones have been returned and re-erected, although they represent a small fraction of the monuments that once stood

Our Shabbos in Krakow was spent sleeping in a beautiful hotel, and eating in the original Bais Yaakov building established by Sara Schenirer. It stands in Krakow on a lovely street across from the Vistula River. Not only are the classrooms still used for special events, classes, and for traveling groups such as ours to enjoy our Shabbos meals in, they are a permanent reminder and tribute to a woman who changed the face of the earth in terms of women’s learning. We felt so special being able to spend a number of hours in her building.

Visits to the camps.

We traveled non-stop and of course, we had to gird ourselves for the horror of the remains of the original death camps. At the Majdanek death camp, we passed through some barracks that housed slave laborers. However, the main purpose of the camp was for the extermination of the Jews. We went into a gas chamber and to the rooms where the bodies were stripped externally and internally of anything that could be considered valuable. Chana, who had been part of a Chevra Kadisha for

Also outside at this place are the remains of what occurred in 1943: called Operation Harvest Festival, where 18,400 Jews were murdered. Including some who were brought from other areas, the total was over 40,000. Bands played loudly to drown out the noise of the guns. This occurred because the Germans had heard that there were uprisings in some of the camps. Remaining is a huge ash pile under a dome are the remains of the burned and cremated there. It is said that if one looks closely on a windy day, occasionally one can see a bone protruding from the pile. Some of the women on our tour were wondering why Jewish organizations are not petitioning the Polish government to remove this portion of the memorial and bury the remains. Perhaps this is something that will be undertaken soon.

Another camp we went to was called

Belzek. This was a small extermination camp where 600,000 Jews were murdered. No one remained here for long. From a few survivors, they were able to note its location despite efforts by the Nazis to completely destroy it as a means of avoiding culpability. As the end approached, they tried to eradicate the evidence of what had occurred.

On our last day, we went to Lodz where we saw the ghetto walls and the cemetery that for some reason held individual graves. An estimated 45,000 victims were buried in this section during the years 1940-1944. After the war, the area was named the Ghetto Field. It should be noted that there were no mass graves for Jews in Lodz. Efforts were made to ensure that each body was buried in its own grave. Why was this allowed? At the end, there were pits meant to be graves for the workers left behind to clean up the destruction that was left after the ghetto was emptied. However, the Nazis ran off knowing that the Russians were close to arrival.

Memorials as Tourism

The exhibit in Markova, mentioned previously, is also recent as is the train station outside of Lodz. Why are the Poles creating more and more places where one can come, pay an entry fee, and see what happened? Again, there are conflicting reasons and conflicting blame. After Jews,

Poles were the next group considered subhuman by the Germans, yet to us they have the worst reputation in terms of their anti-semitism.

Should we fault the Poles for the tourism business that is now developing or should we be positive that people from all over the world, Jews and non-Jews, people of all backgrounds and ethnicities are going to these places to see what happened?

In the years in Poland, after the war, slowly the various sites throughout the nations were designated as memorials, or historical sites. Once the Soviets were gone, these efforts increased. One may not destroy any site that has memorials or graves. A multitude of organizations from within Poland, funds from other nations and Israel are working with the Polish government to maintain and expand these sites.

Due to the Nazi obsession with organization, names are available, either online or in person at the many sites. Why were there cases and rooms of shoes, dishes, hair, glasses, and clothing left behind and saved? Supposedly, the Nazis were planning one day to have a museum to showcase an extinct race. B’chasdei Hashem, this did not and will never occur.

There are many memorials throughout Poland. Why? That is an interesting question. Poland certainly is thriving in the tourist industry. The airport is being expanded. The hotels are new, beautiful,

garians. He explained that there were three trains that were sent to Austria, then to Bergen Belsen and to Theresienstadt where they were liberated. My husband’s aunt and first cousins were on one of these trains.

One of the members of our group told us of her family’s survival. Her grandparents decided that they needed to leave Poland before the war even broke out. Perhaps her grandfather had a Nevuah. They ended up in France and when the Nazis caught up to them there, non-Jews hid them. By this time, they had visas from Portugal but they needed exit visas from France. Somehow, with begging, a French police official helped them and they were able to escape over the mountains. Eventually they sailed from Portugal and arrived in New York in 1943. Did anyone believe their attempts to tell the truth of what was happening? Of course not. That story and the efforts of the holy Mike Tress and others can be told at another time.

Chana Silver, our tour guide, originally from Memphis, now living in Har Nof added to our insights, assisted by Zahava Farber, from North Woodmere, a therapist who worked for Chai Lifeline for many years. Chana explained, “I am a teacher and therapist at heart. I believe that teaching about events in the actual places where these events occurred cannot be compared to anything. I talk about many topics and subjects that are mixed with psychology and emunah. This is not a classroom. This is a real life makom of kedusha.”

That is why I felt it was significant for me to go on this tour. Bonding with these women, some of whom were descendants of some of the Gedolim whose kevarim we visited. Some knew that they had lost relatives in the various concentration camps we visited.

My Response: By Clarisse Schlesinger

I take exception to David Billet’s article titled Poland’s Unrelenting Dedication to Jew Hatred. If one reads my article in the same issue, obviously I disagree with Mr. Billet’s statement that we should not travel to Poland. He also included text from Jan Tomasz Gross, a leading Polish American historian, that the Poles killed more Jews than the Germans during the Holocaust. This was included with no substantiating facts. In the 1800’s after Russia acquired large Jewish populations from the Polish Lithuanian Commonwealth and the Ottomon Empire, they designated them as the “Pale of Settlement.”

Throughout the 1800’s, there were many pogroms throughout the area and Jews were not permitted to move to other places unless they had guild merchant status, had a university degree, or they would convert. While there was certainly anti-semitism in the southwestern parts of Russia inhabited by Poles, much of it was spearheaded by the Russians, especially after the Tsar was murdered in 1881.

Going back to the Shoah, two million Poles were killed during the war. While I did state there was much ambivalence and support of the Nazis, I do not agree that we should not visit Poland. Yes, there were Poles who cooperated with the Nazis, but there is evidence also to state how many Poles helped Jews or were killed for trying. It is true that recently the Polish government has made it illegal to state that the Poles were participants and cooperated with the Nazis. This is part of the Polish government’s efforts

to collect reparations from the Germans. They have modified it because of fallout and reduction of official Israeli youth groups going to Poland.

I did not feel anti-semitism during my week in Poland. I was treated extremely well, by every staff member and every person I met in any hotel, store, or site. Chabad is flourishing and Jews wearing Jewish garb roam the streets freely and securely.

While I do believe one should first go to Yad Vashem and become educated in the Holocaust and in Jewish history as it evolved in Europe and elsewhere, in my belief traveling to Poland, going to the camps and the towns that have old synagogues, and to visit the ghettos is extremely important. Yes, Poland’s economy is flourishing, I assume, due to the tourism to the camps, the efforts of the Polish government, and the money they are investing in these places is a good thing for the future.

I have no clue what Mr. Billet is talking about. We are not cowering in fear no matter what the Polish parliament says. Tours of Jews are increasing all the time. I think the more we travel to these places, the longer they will be in the memory of people since the time will soon arrive when there will not be any survivors left. My visit with a group of Orthodox Jewish women led by brilliant women was amazing. Perhaps Mr. Billet should go on a program with a shul or well known Rav. He would see a different side of modern Poland.

and reasonably priced. However, what is there to see in Poland? Yiddishe graves and concentration camps. It is important however. We must be certain that no one forgets. At Auschwitz there was a family from Sweden, all blond, obviously not Jewish. We started chatting and they told me they were going to do hiking in the Alps after. I asked why they started with Auschwitz. They had children with them. “Because, it is important,” the Dad answered.

How will my life be different now that I have been on this trip? First, I realize that there was tremendous hashgacha pratis from Hakadosh Baruch Hu throughout this time. What we may think is ‘luck’ was not luck; it was the hand of Hashem reaching out to save Yidden. I emailed a relative from my husband’s side asking him why a group of family members were not sent to Auschwitz with the other Hun-

The focus of this group was manifold. Our purpose was to visit the many kevarim of tzadikim of yesterday whose burial sites are known and in fact have been updated in recent years. We visited many shuls in towns that were homes to multitudes of Jews over the past hundreds of years. How were we able to do this? How were we going to grow in our inner strength and spirituality?

We learned of the miracles of Hashem. So many Jews were saved. Hashem will never forsake us. These are the messages we received over and over on this journey. These are messages we can gain from this horrible time inflicted upon our people. May we continue to grow in our ruchnius until one day we shall be zoche to achieve the ultimate geula. Amen.

Clarisse Schlesinger is a retired school educator who spends her time with her grandchildren and traveling. She is also involved in multiple book clubs and posts reviews of these literary works on her web site www. clarisse-schlesinger.com.

Lessons I Learned Along the Way

Responsibility in Marriage is Underrated: Part 1

Mrs. Sheindy Gross

Reb Chaim Shmulevitz in his sefer Sichos Mussar tells us that Yehudah merits the monarchy descending from him, as a result of the leadership he displays; he takes responsibility for his actions. We see this on two occasions: The first time was acknowledging that Tamar was carrying his child and the second time is when he confronts the ruler of Mitzrayim, his brother Yosef, and negotiates that he cannot leave his brother Binyomin and break a promise he had made to his father, Yaakov.

Achrayus, defined as responsibility, is a fundamental and foundational life concept. I have recently begun to notice how much this generation struggles with this. Taking responsibility is an acknowledgment of our part in something. The piece that is ours. Sometimes we are extremely proud to step to the plate and accept and own up to a specific accomplishment. Other times, however, we are wary of doing so. Rightfully so, we are afraid of the judgment, the cancel culture we live in, the finger pointing, and a society that simply does not allow people to make mistakes. Nevertheless, taking ownership is the rite of passage to adulthood. Without it, you are simply not considered grown-up. Do we have many children running around in adult bodies these days? Yup, we sure do……..read on………

A note to parents (and anyone who

would like to parent themselves): we wonder constantly as to why our children are anxious and how we can help them. I would like to propose two ideas:

The first was suggested by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg in a recent Mishpacha magazine article. He highlighted how the consequences of “helicopter parenting” are such that our children are no longer being taught to take responsibility for their actions. For any significant challenge they face, parents swoop in and “make it go away.” While there is an obvious need for parental guidance and support, the messages we give to young people can very often be the cause of their anxiety and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. They actually come to believe that indeed they are incapable of resolving issues on their own.

The second point is that children rely on the adults in their lives to color their early life experiences. If they consistently receive the message that they are in “danger” when facing a problem, rather than being empowered to resolve it on their own, they are developing neural pathways that reinforce this idea and it becomes harder and harder to undo. It is these two ideas that are some of the greatest contributors to the anxiety of this

generation.

So, if as young adults they are not asked to assume basic responsibilities and everything is tailor-made for them, it stands to reason that when they are fullfledged adults in society, they do not see themselves as such, per se. They may not realize that as an adult they have an אחריות and responsibility to those around them. And that these responsibilities extend to their own actions vis a vis their immediate family and to those humans with whom they interact. Which leads me to dating…

(stay tuned next week!)

With over 30 years in education, Mrs. Sheindy Gross started her career teaching Judaic Studies in Yavneh Hebrew Academy, and then went on to high school leadership in Bnos Devorah and Valley Torah Girls High schools where she served as principal. Her passion for education has now led her to create a new platform called TEHILA, Torah Education with Heart in LA, for women and girls to receive adult education and advisement. In addition to TEHILA, Mrs. Gross provides dating and relationship mentoring for teenagers, singles and women, as well as leadership consulting for educators. Mrs. Gross can be reached at sheindyg@gmail. com or (323) 684-6448.

As a mindfulness practitioner and therapist, I teach people how to increase their awareness of the good and positive in their lives. I remember learning this lesson myself 18 years ago, when at the age of 38, I gave birth to my twin daughter and son, and heard people say: “Appreciate this moment, enjoy them now. Give them what you can. Our children are on loan for us to raise them, but someday - before you know it - they will grow up and leave.” Well, that someday is HERE.

In 24 hours, I will be sending off my grown-up, baby boy to Eretz Yisroel for a whole year. I use grown up and baby boy in the same sentence, because lately I can see his whole life - our long journey together – flashing before my tear-filled eyes. And boy, have there been a whole lot of tears - tears of joy and triumph, and yes, tears of sorrow and pain. My son and I have won a lot of battles together against the world; we have gotten knocked down and managed to dust ourselves off and find our way forward.

Describing our difficulties would be one way to depict the road we’ve been on towards this day, but instead, I have chosen to focus on the fortune we have been blessed with. The fortune I am talking about are the kind, compassionate, life-saving people who have helped us

Someday is Here

along the way. I could lament about getting slapped in the face by the mainstream Yeshiva system, or I could celebrate the very loving embraces that surely came our way when we needed them the most. Instead of holding hurt and resentment in our hearts, it is healthier to practice spiritual mindfulness which allows us to be in a state of gratitude. I have tremendous hakaras hatov for the heroes in our lives - the ones who carried us when we were down, like Rabbi Harrosh and Rabbi Stulberger, and all the other precious mentors in those schools who believed in my “out of the box” kid and helped him restore his faith in himself. If you are reading this and have your own unique child, there is a wonderfully supportive WhatsApp group here in L.A. that will make you feel right at home. For more information, you can email me at gilamalka8@gmail.com.

It’s 3:38 am, and I guess I’m hoping that the time until take-off will go slower if I stay up and watch the clock. As I send my precious son out of the nest, I set my intention on the way I am being mehanech him. I wish to teach him not to dwell on the doors that may close to us, but to seek and appreciate the opportunities that Hashem opens when we least expect it. To my dear son who has definitely kept my mind full these last 18 years, I wish you what your Poppy always taught: “Fly with

the eagles, don’t trot with the turkeys.” Go fly, my little bird, to the Holy Land, and never forget the good stuff that made your wings strong.

Mindfulness Exercises:

• Keep a Gratitude Journal, listing the good things, events and people in your life. Write or draw in it regularly.

• Call someone and thank them for what they add to your life.

• Take a mindfulness walk, being aware of your breath, your steps, and the lit tle details of nature along the way.

• Calm your nerves by engaging your 5

senses: hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting, and smelling - with a pleasant array of sounds, sights, and smells.

• Take time during the day to breathe deeply, appreciating the beating heart that Hashem has given you to live in this moment.