Rabbi Immanuel Bernstein
An in-depth understanding of Torah, Shavuos, and Judaism itself, drawing on a wide array of sources from throughout the generations.
Rabbi Aryeh Feldman
Explore the teachings of Harav Moshe Shapiro, which delve into the mitzvah of emunah and how it can strengthen our relationship with the Creator. Embark on a journey of self-discovery and a deeper understanding of faith.
Rabbi Micha Cohn
Discover a fascinating and practical overview of complex medical and mental health issues from a Torah perspective. An indispensable resource for patients, caregivers, and medical professionals.
HASHEM:
Rabbi Avi Okin, MSW Delve into fundamental concepts in Judaism and learn how to cultivate a sense of love and awe for the Divine, no matter your level of knowledge or experience.
All orders above $49.99 will receive a complimentary gift.
Rabbi Elchanan Adler
Unlock the hidden gems of the Musaf prayer and gain a deeper understanding of this integral part of Shabbos davening. Also includes an overview of the Korban Musaf of Shabbos.
Rabbi Yisroel Greenwald
Fascinating Yom Tov insights from classic and rare sources, based on the shiurim of Rav Binyomin Wurzburger.
Rabbi Doniel Baron
A cross section of ideas and adaptations selected from the Maharal’s extensive writings, annotated to include the full text of the Maharal’s own words in the original Hebrew.
Rabbi Shea Hecht
As a community rabbi, Shea Hecht has seen it all, from glory to disaster and back again. Now you can read about his experiences in book form. Whatever It Takes is storytelling at its most poignant and powerful.
Last week, the world witnessed the coronation of the new King of England. While there are not many countries that still retain a monarch, we Jews do. We crown our King Hashem every day when we choose to be the recipients and followers of the Torah and Mitzvos. With Shavuos upon us, we prepare ourselves to receive the Torah again, as we did with all those who stood by Har Sinai. We received the Torah then and it continues to be a choice we make every day, to receive again and again, we choose to crown Hashem as our King every day.
We make many choices every day, which can become overwhelming. Is it comforting to know that it is all in Hashem’s hands? Or is there a heavy weight on us due to our choices? This is the ultimate question of Bechira, free will, versus that which is preordained from Above. Life is a delicate balance between the two.
Nothing better prepared me for Shavuos than reading Rav Doniel Katz’s description of Matan Torah; it made me feel like I was there. I was there, and so were you. All of our souls were present. Right now, this inspires me as I remember it today and on Shavuos, but will we remember it three Wednesdays from now?
How many times are we inspired by love or tragedy, and then it quickly vapors away? There is the beauty and magic of watching a newborn take its first breath into this world, new parents watch the miracle of his beautiful slumber and soft breathing, swearing that they will always have this abundant unconditional love for their baby, but then he turns into a terrible toddler and we forget. We have a nearmiss car accident and we are suddenly so grateful for all the near misses, for the few inches that saved our lives, but the next time we get in the car, we forget. That challah bake was so inspirational and left us in tears, vowing we will take the mitzvah of hafrashas challah and bring kedusha into our homes every week, but within a few months, we have forgotten.
And then there’s tragedy, a lot of untimely tragedy lately in Los Angeles. It’s made us all feel very heavy. Very very heavy. We drop off meals, we learn mishnayos, we give tzedakah, and we rally around the mourning family. We vow to make our own days as precious as possible because we never know what tomorrow brings. But then we forget.
So this week I want to remember. I want to remember Matan Torah and how it feels to have the excitement of preparing for three days to get to a lofty and holy level in order to receive the Torah. I see a lot of reminders in this issue. Miriam Hendeles reminds us that “it’s never too late” to start something new or bring about change no matter what season we are in. Calanit Kopple reminds us that any messenger is a malach from Hashem and can completely change how we view a situation. Yulia Edelshtain’s tribute to Mrs. Grace Fox reminds us to live a life full of joy and to serve others, especially those not within our insular community. Mrs. Sheindy Gross’s call to honesty within ourselves and how we portray that to others reminds me how integrity is everything.
Most of all, Hindi Kalmenson’s piece reminds me to feel alive, with her raw and poetic words that articulate the contrast between life and mortality. I feel inspired by all the writers here who share their hearts and minds with our community, and I thank them.
This week I am also inspired by the many stories I’ve heard of Rabbi Eli Baitelman. No day of his was wasted, ensuring that each opportunity was seized at connecting with others and having them do mitzvos on a daily basis.
Wishing you a Shabbos and Shavuos where you remember,
Yoel Halpern PUBLISHER publisher@thelajewishhome.com
Sara Halpern
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
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Rabbi Eli Baitelman passed away on Shabbat, May 6 (15 Iyar) after suffering a heart attack, just two days before the bar mitzvah celebration of his son, Sholom, was set to take place on the joyous day of Lag BaOmer.
One could say that Rabbi Eli Baitelman was a walking fountain of joy, kindness and Jewish inspiration. Along with his wife Elka (nee Berger), he served for more than a decade as a beloved Chabad-Lubavitch rabbi in Pacific Palisades, co-directed by his sister, Zisi, and brother-in-law, Rabbi Zushe Cunin.
Rabbi Baitelman then continued to share the joy of Judaism with everyone he met in a subsequent career in construction. Yet even in that capacity, he continued his primary goal: sharing Jewish observance and uplifting anyone he came in contact with or happened to meet. It was widely known that he would put on tefillin with any Jewish people who would come to one of his job sites, and that he was ready to literally give the shirt off his back to a person in need.
In addition to his mother, his wife, and many siblings, Baitelman is survived by his 7 children: Avi, Henna, Sholom, Miriam, Rosie, Chana and Matti.
He was a loving husband and father, dedicated son, and a “go-to” man for his family, friends, fellow shluchim and balei battim. He will be remembered for his big heart and his unassuming acts of kindness.
Please donate generously to his family: https://raisethon.com/elib/col-oped
Friday, May 19
Parshas Bamidbar
Candlelighting: 7:32 pm
Havdallah: 8:36 pm
Rabbeinu Tam: 9:03 pm
Thursday, May 25 1st night Shavuot
Candlelighting: 7:37 pm
Friday, May 26
Parshas Nasso
Candlelighting: 7:37 pm
Havdallah: 8:41 pm
Rabbeinu Tam: 9:08 pm
Last Saturday, after 70 years of waiting, King Charles III finally took the throne. The most dramatic part of the coronation of Britain’s newest monarch took place in private, behind a three-sided screen, when the Dean of Westminster poured holy oil from the Ampulla, a gold eagle-shaped flask, onto the Coronation Spoon, and then the Archbishop of Canterbury anointed Charles on his head, chest, and hands, according to the Church of England’s liturgy. Once here-emerged, the Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby placed St. Edward’s Crown upon Charles III’s head. It was the only time Charles will ever wear St. Edward’s Crown, which is reserved for the coronation of a new monarch; the crown was made for the new King’s namesake, Charles II, in 1661.
After crowning Charles, Welby shouted: “G-d Save the King.” Those in attendance repeated the words. After that, Camilla was crowned Queen. She was also anointed with the holy oil before having Queens Mary’s Crown placed on her head. Royal members of the household made their appearances, including Prince Harry, who joined the festivities without his wife Meghan, who stayed in the United States with their children. Prince William, the next in line for the throne, pledged his allegiance to the new King. His son, Prince George, 9, was a page during the ceremony, holding a corner of the King’s cape. After the coronation, the King and Queen, along with some royal family members greeted the throngs of well-wishers from the balcony. The weather did not disappoint, bringing out the typical London gray and dripping skies during the day. On Sunday, during the coronation concert, Prince William told his father, “We are all so proud of you.” He invoked his grandmother, the late Queen Elizabeth II. “I know she is up there fondly keeping an eye on us and she would be a very proud mother,” he said. He added that his grandmother had called coronations a “declaration of our hopes for the future.”
Iran smuggled weapons and military equipment into Syria using humanitarian aid shipments as a cover following a devastating earthquake there in February. Intelligence from both the United States and Israel suggests that Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps. used convoys from Iraq to covertly transport arms and ammunition into Syria. Intelligence officials believe the weapons were destined for Iranian proxy groups in Syria, who have repeatedly attacked U.S. military personnel stationed there as part of the anti-ISIS coalition. “The humanitarian assistance of Iran to Syria was used as an umbrella of moving weapons capabilities into the region,” the Israeli defense official said.
The Washington Post reported on the weapons shipments on Sunday, citing a leaked U.S.intelligence document. President Joe Biden has ordered several
air strikes against Iran-backed militia groups in Syria, including as recently as March, when an American contractor was killed and five U.S. service members were injured after a suspected Iranian drone targeted a coalition military base. Foreign aid poured into Syria and Turkey after February’s earthquake, which killed more than 50,000 people. The magnitude 7.8 quake was one of the strongest to strike the area in more than a century, with Turkey’s Disaster and Emergency Management Agency (AFAD) calling for international help.
The United States has approximately 900 troops in Syria as part of the ongoing mission to defeat ISIS. But those forces spread across several bases in northeast Syria, have become a frequent target for Iran and its proxies in the region, who can launch drone or rocket attacks against US positions.
“Iran threatens to push the Middle East into regional instability by supporting terrorist and proxy forces,” Joint Chiefs Chair Gen. Mark Milley told lawmakers in March. In recent weeks, airstrikes said to be from Israel targeting Iranian-linked groups in Syria have intensified. An attack in late March attributed to Israel killed two military advisers with the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps.
The two Palestinians accused of killing Lucy Dee, 48, and her daughters Maia, 20, and Rina, 15, in a shooting attack last month were shot dead by Israeli troops in Nablus along with a third Palestinian gunman. The Shin Bet security agency, Israel Police, and Israel Defense Forces said troops entered the Nablus Old City in order to arrest Hassan Qatnani and Moaz al-Masri, the Hamas terrorists who allegedly carried out the deadly attack on April 7. The officers were dressed like Palestinian men and women. Members of the police elite Yamam counter-terrorism unit surrounded the home where the two terrorists were believed to be hiding. The forces fired a shoulder-launched missile at it, according to Palestinian media, in a tactic known as a “pressure cooker,” to flush out wanted suspects. The two terrorists were then killed along with another gunman, Ibrahim Jabr, who had aided the murderers in hiding them.
A senior IDF Central Command officer told reporters that the operation on Thursday was carried out with “precision and professionalism,” leading to a quick raid with no injuries, despite it being nearly a month since the deadly attack. “We consider this matter very important, the time that passes from the moment of the attack to the elimination... the speed with which the incident is dealt with is what thwarts terrorism, so time is important,” the officer said. “It is important for us to make it clear to the other side that there are no cities of refuge anywhere in [the West Bank]. Even places that they apparently think are safe—are not,” he added. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu praised Israeli security forces for “settling the score” with the alleged killers. “Our message to those who harm us and those trying to harm us is that it may take a day, a week, or a month, but be sure that we’ll settle the score with you. It doesn’t matter where you try to hide, we’ll find you. Whoever harms us forfeits his life,” the premier said in a statement.
It’s a pain in the neck when passengers are stranded when their flights are canceled or delayed. Now, the Biden administration is hoping to write new regulations that will require airlines to compensate air travelers and cover their meals and hotel rooms if they are stranded for reasons within the airline’s control. The compensation would be in addition to ticket refunds when the airline is at fault for a flight being canceled or significantly delayed. It would give consumers in the United States protections similar to those in the European Union.
Currently, when an airline cancels a flight for any reason, consumers can demand a refund of the unused part of their ticket and certain extras that they might have paid to the airline, such as fees for checking a bag or getting a seat assignment. Airlines often try to persuade consumers to accept a travel voucher instead of a refund. After widespread flight disruptions last summer, the Transportation Department posted an online dashboard to let consumers compare airline policies on refunds and compensation.
Biden and Buttigieg credited the dashboard with pushing the 10 largest U.S. airlines to
promise to provide cash or vouchers for meals when a carrier-caused cancellation forces passengers to wait at least three hours for another flight. Nine of the 10—all but Frontier Airlines—also promise under those circumstances to pay for accommodations for passengers stranded overnight.
1 in ~ 12 Ashkenazi Jews is a carrier for Gaucher Disease.
Gaucher Disease is an inherited, progressive condition that affects approximately 1 in 850 members of the Ashkenazi community. While carriers have no symptoms, they can unknowingly pass the condition on to their children.
The Jewish community has been rooted in Los Angeles since the city’s beginning. And still today, the city works to preserve and honor Jewish culture and its impact on Los Angeles. You can see evidence of this with the construction of LA Metro’s Regional Connector.
The first temple and oldest synagogue in Los Angeles is the Congregation B’nai B’rith. It was built on Fort Street (now Broadway) near 3rd Street in 1873. While the building itself was eventually knocked down, the location marks the foundation for the growth of the Jewish community in Los Angeles that extended through a time when anti-Semitism spread across the nation.
In July 2014, LA Metro began constructing the Regional Connector. It is a 1.9-mile light rail subway in downtown Los Angeles. Underground construction proved to be more difficult than expected because many historical structures that exist underground were not on any city plans. The Regional Connector Contractors (RCC) team encountered many unexpected structures, and one of them was the original brick-and-mortar temple of Congregation B’nai B’rith.
Instead of continuing the tunneling operation, LA Metro and the RCC halted construction immediately. Archeologists
were called in to examine what was left of the Gothic Revival style worship center that served some 40 Jewish families in the late 1800s. It was decided that in order to properly honor the deep-rooted Jewish Heritage of the area, construction in this area would stop. They brought in a Metro approved archeologist to determine the status of the structure itself. That process took over a month. In the end, they found that the structure was not sound and removed it. The site was also deemed as of cultural and historic importance, so the plaque was created to commemorate it above ground.
(picture of plaque here)
Los Angeles’s robust transportation plans include budgets and construction schedules that continue to be a major priority for public agencies and communities alike. But the biggest priority has always been, and will continue to be, preserving the rich history of the people who built this city and who make it the vibrant cultural center it is today. And that was apparent when the team paused construction for over a month.
When you eventually step out of the newly finished Metro station on Broadway, make sure to look down at the sidewalk. There lies a plaque honoring the oldest synagogue in Los Angeles –Congregation B’nai B’rith.
ball to the larger Jewish community.
Rabbi Shapiro commented that “Skirball is uniquely positioned amongst organizations nationwide to engage people from across the spectrum of Jewish life and particularly important in this day and age, non-Jews as well in exploring our connections to one another and our greater community so that, together, we can build a more just society.”
Rabbi Beaumont Shapiro will join the Skirball Cultural Center in the newly created position of Rabbi in Residence. His new role will commence on June 5, 2023. Rabbi Shapiro will assist the Skirball in its expression of Jewish values through its daily operations and robust programming. Rabbi Shapiro will also provide guidance on topics of interest from Jewish history, ritual life, and philosophy; and will represent the Skir-
Most recently, Shapiro served as Rabbi at Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles, a career that spanned twenty years. For the past twelve years, he served as Rabbi and before that as a Rabbinic Intern, Song Leader, and Educator. Prior to Wilshire Boulevard Temple, Shapiro was the Youth Director at Temple Israel of Hollywood. Shapiro received his Rabbinic Ordination in 2011 from Hebrew Union College - Jewish Institute of Religion, where he also earned a degree in Hebrew Letters in 2009. Additionally, he holds degrees in Religious Studies and Cinema-Television from the University of Southern California (USC).
Zvi Ryzman treats us once again to a fascinating array of halachic discussions. Should a kattan become intoxicated on Purim? Can one fulfill pirsumei nisa via Zoom? Does lifnei iveir apply to a meat restaurant during the Nine Days? What are the parameters of ending a fast on an airplane?
Rabbi Ryzman researches, analyzes, and elucidates. And when he’s finished, we have a clear understanding of the topic and an understanding of the various halachic approaches.
Corporate CEO, Philanthropist, Torah Scholar and Touro Chairman to Serve as Keynote Speaker at Commencement for Touro University’s Lander Colleges
R’ Zvi Ryzman of Los Angeles will receive an honorary degree and serve as commencement speaker for Touro University’s Lander Colleges. The graduation will be held on June 4 at Lincoln Center in Manhattan.
Ryzman joined the board of Touro University 20 years ago and has served as Chairman of Touro since 2020. Ryzman is also president and CEO of American International Industries, one of the largest manufacturers and importers of cosmetics and beauty products in the world. His company sells wholesale to beauty suppliers and retailers in the U.S. and around the world.
Among Ryzman’s myriad accomplishments includes authoring numerous Hebrew seforim and English language Jewish titles. One of his seminal works is an indepth exploration of the halachos pertaining to fertility treatments and organ transplantation. This and a myriad of other topics are at the core of Ratz KaTzvi, a 21-volume series on Jewish law and thought.
“A role model for integrating a life of Torah study and stellar achievements in the business world, Zvi Ryzman is a true Renaissance man,” said Dr. Alan Kadish, Touro President.
Ryzman was born in Europe and moved to Israel as a school-age child, where he earned a degree in political science and economics at Tel Aviv University, as well as rabbinic ordination from Rabbi Yechezkel Sarna of the Chevron Yeshiva. Ryzman also served in the Israel Defense Forces.
Ryzman says he owes his success to his father, Rav Yehoshua Heshel Ryzman. A Magid Shiur in Europe who escaped Nazi brutality in labor and concentration camps, Rav Yehoshua Heshel later pursued secular education upon moving to Israel and entered the business world, buying a flour mill that the family still owns and operates today. Rav Yehoshua Heshel exemplified the values Zvi Ryzman has adopted throughout his life and career.
“My father never stopped teaching Torah while pursuing knowledge and earning a living. That was his legacy to me,” says Ryzman. “I learned from him that if you want to stay grounded in Torah, you need to give a shiur and teach others so you yourself can learn in depth. I never call myself a rabbi, I am an ish asakim, a businessman who learns and teaches Torah every day. The Torah teaches everything, including the right way to conduct business. My Torah study has sharpened my mind and contributed to my ability to think strategically in business.”
Ryzman believes the key to success in both life and business is to focus and concentrate on the task at hand.
“When you’re learning Torah, your mind shouldn’t be racing and thinking about your to-do list at work, and when you’re
involved in business, concentrate on what’s in front of you. People who accomplish a lot have a plan, so be sure to design a plan for what you want to do each day. You don’t have to give up on Torah or business success, just plan when you are going to focus on each. If you need to start working at 5 am, then plan to learn at 4 am and stick to it. I recommend learning something in depth that really speaks to you so you recapture the joy of learning that you had in yeshiva, and sustain it as you move into professional life,” explains Ryzman.
“When it comes to succeeding in the business world, slow and steady is the way to build. Learn everything you can about the space you’re working in, conduct as much research as possible and don’t be afraid to roll up your sleeves and
do menial tasks. Respect everyone in the organization. I don’t call people employees, everyone in my company is a colleague because I have something to learn from each of them,” shares Ryzman.
Ryzman urges today’s young people to remember their past and their roots. “Take your values and your parents’ teachings with you as you enter the professional world and you’ll succeed in the present and into the future.”
each of them, qualifying the boys for an invitation to the national finals last month in New York. This is the second year the boys have competed and won! Last year, Rafi placed first and Akiva placed second in the Sixth Grade Division.
el, teams were competing all night while learning the history of Israel and its people.
The Shavuah Haatzmaut celebrations continued the following week for our 2nd and 3rd chanichim who had their own event at the home of Shana and Mickey Amster on Monday, May 1st, and then the 4th and 5th graders on Wednesday, May 3rd at the home of Keren and Dan Katz.
Yeshivat Yavneh is proud to share our nachas with the community, regarding the accomplishments of two of our seventh grade talmidim. On Sunday, April 30, Akiva Shrier, and his twin brother Rafi, placed third and fifth in the National Chidon HaTanach finals, respectively! They were the highest-scoring seventh graders in the country in the Middle School Division! The ones who placed first, second, and fourth were all eighth grade students.
The National Chidon HaTanach tests students on the details of stories in several Sifrei Tanach. Akiva and Rafi took preliminary exams throughout the school year and scored impeccably on
Yeshivat Yavneh is incredibly proud of Akiva and Rafi for their dedication and commitment to Talmud Torah. Their enthusiasm and excitement to take on the responsibility of learning additional Torah lishmah, and doing so with great simcha, has been an inspiration to the entire Yeshiva. We look forward to seeing their continued Torah growth, and can’t wait for them to compete in the Chidon once again, next year!
To celebrate Yom HaAtzmaut and Israel’s 75th birthday, Bnei Akiva of LA was honored to host the entire LA community for a festive and celebratory ceremony that included a student-led ceremony, a video that included good wishes from our past volunteers who are now spending their year abroad learning in Seminaries and Yeshivot or serving in the IDF, and concluded with a live concert from the one and only, Simcha Leiner! With over 600 people in attendance, this was definitely one of the greatest ways for our community to celebrate!
The celebrations continued with Shavuah Haatzmaut celebrations for kids of all ages. Our Middle School chanichim partied at an Israeli themed Jeoparty! game at the home of Sarah and Alan Sternberg. With categories ranging from the food of Israel to the history of Isra-
Overall, the Yom Haatzmaut programming organized by Bnei Akiva of LA and Moshava Alevy was a tremendous success. The events provided participants with a deeper understanding and appreciation of Israel’s history, culture, and achievements, all while fostering a sense of pride and connection to the Jewish homeland. These types of programming events are essential for strengthening Jewish identity and maintaining a strong and vibrant Jewish community.
On Sunday, May 7th, about 15 intrepid men and teens hiked for 4.5 miles on a scenic trail in Pacific Palisades, along Los Liones Canyon. The hike was led and organized by Mr. Zach Rabinowitz, one of the newer members of LINK and an avid outdoorsman. Besides some breathtaking views of Hashem’s Creations, the hikers were treated to inspirational Divrei Torah by Rabbis Brander, Brull, and Stark, who joined in the bonding-building activity. The hikers are eagerly anticipating the next venue to conquer!
This year the Model UN conference, which took place on Sunday, April 23rd, was comprised of four participating schools, including Hillel, Maimonides, Yavneh, and Emek. Emek was privileged to have Mrs. Sherlin Niamehr coach our Middle School boys and girls teams in preparation for the competition. The participants spent months researching, organizing, comprehending, writing, speaking, and drafting documents in training for the MUN conference.
Each student practiced the skills of professional decorum, public speaking, and taking a leadership role. Moreover, the students learned the importance of compromise and negotiation with their peers. The participants and their coach met twice weekly, discussing and presenting their findings to one another, as well as practicing the delivery and negotiation of those findings.
The girls’ team consisted of Odelia Amini, Ashira Dorfman (Honorable Mention), Aviva Yasharpour (Top Delegate), Daniela Menegen, Limore Elisha, Nessa Torbati, and Zahara Niamehr; their topic was Awareness and Programs for Adolescent Mental Health through the World Health Organization. The boys’ team was made up of Aaron Pezeshki, Baron Conzevoy, Ethan Schwarzbaum, Malkiel Shifman (Top Delegate), Shamai Perez (Honorable Mention), and Yishai Dulitz; the committee was the United Nations Development Program and their topic was Empowering Youth Economically.
On Wednesday evening May 3rd, community members from all over Los Angeles came to pay tribute to Chaim Elefant z”l and support one of his favorite causes, United Hatzalah.
Chaim was tragically taken away from his loving wife Miriam and four small children just after Purim of this year, and the community has been rallying around the family ever since.
Chaim and Miriam were in talks with United Hatzalah to plan this event before his passing, and Miriam wanted to continue her husband’s legacy by hosting it in his memory. The night was emceed by Michael Bernstein, a friend of the Elefant Family. Yoni Wintner, also a friend of the Elefant family, spoke about Chaim’s passion and love for community and tzedakah. Eli Beer, founder and president of United Hatzalah of Israel, shared an inspirational story and spoke about the importance of keeping a person’s memory alive.
The highlight of the evening was when the Elefant’s eight-year-old son, Shaya, donated $200 towards the purchase of an ambucycle in Chaim’s memory! He is clearly walking in his father’s footsteps and making him proud! It was truly a night to remember, with a full bar courtesy of The Cask, a graze table from Shayna of The Graze LA, and a kumzitz with Moshe Storch and Rabbi Shua Rose.
If you would like to help sponsor a lifesaving ambucycle in Israel in loving memory of Chaim Elefant z”l, please do so at www.israelrescue.org/chaim. For any questions or to get more involved, please contact Carolyn Kangavari at CarolynK@israelrescue.org.
On Sunday afternoon April 30th, over a dozen young men from LINK’s youth program bonded over basketball and s’mores at the spacious backyard of LINK’s Mr. and Mrs. Ben and Niva Taylor. The boys ranged in age from 5 to 15 and the whole program was directed by Mr. Gabe Silverstein, who coordinates the LINK Shabbos activities for young men. After some vigorous exercise on the basketball court, the boys
were treated to roasted marshmallows, s’mores, and some cold drinks. This was another in the series of special Sunday events designed by LINK’s creative youth director, Mrs. Dina Ram.
Nestled in the Hollywood mountains, sits the historic Ford Amphitheater. The perfect place for Hillel’s Celebration 75 Lag Ba’omer Concert. Celebration 75 was an interactive musical experience that brought together the past, present, and future generations of Hillel. The show featured Avshalom Katz, the former Hillel Choir Director for over 20 years, and his two sons Eitan and Rav Shlomo Katz. The
sold-out crowd had Jewish Angelinos coming together with love, energy, and an incredible show of Jewish unity. Throughout the night Hillel students sang, danced, and shared words of Torah, while the 40 foot video wall displayed meaningful memories from the last 75 years. Everyone present felt the joy, the emotion, the history, and most of all the Celebration. This will surely be a night Los Angeles will never forget.
Agathering of 30 women joined together in commemoration of the Shloshim of Lucy, Maia, and Rina Dee, A’H, who were killed by terrorists on Chol Hamoed Pesach. The evening included an inspirational Shiur by Rabbi Shoff on increasing our Ahavat Yisroel, followed by Tehillim. Personal memories of Rina and her family were shared by Ilanit and Emunah Zakowski.
Emunah, a 10th Grader at Yula, spoke about the special and unique friendship she and Rina shared when Emunah lived in Israel. The girls walked home
from school together everyday, and on days that Emunah went to the Dee home, Lucy would greet them with food on the table. Emunah felt welcome and at home in their house and she’d often be invited to stay for sleepovers. Rina was cheerful, positive, fun to be around, and a wonderful friend. A letter of friendship that Rina had written to Emunah was read and brought tears to those in the room.
Ilanit recalled memories of a Shabbat meal in the Dee home, emphasizing the modesty and sincerity of the family and their commitment to one another the family had. She shared messages of chizuk, explaining how Rav Leo Dee stressed the importance of unity amongst Am Yisroel in both sharing in one another’s Simcha and pain together. It was a touching evening, and has been recorded.
May Hashem bring comfort to the Dee Family and may these 3 holy neshamas have an aliyah.
Spivak Hebrew Academy Elementary students journeyed on a very special virtual tour through Yerushalayim, kicking off preparations for the upcoming day of Yom Yerushalayim! They gathered together and followed a tour guide from the Stand With Us organization via Zoom. They were led through the Old City, ending the tour directly in front of the Kotel wall. The students were asked to say a bracha, prayers for family and friends, as they were “standing” at the holiest site to the Jewish people.
Following the tour, Spivak students enjoyed Lag B’Omer with sing-a-longs and faux “bonfires.” The Early Childhood classes gathered around the bonfire and sang together with the school director, Cecelie Wizenfeld. They listened to the stories of Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, with the takeaway of the utmost importance of Ve’ahavta Lereacha Kamocha – loving your friends like you love yourself. Elementary students sang and danced together around the bonfire. ‘Smores snacks were given to enhance and enjoy the sweet spirit of the holiday!
Additionally, Spivak Elementary students have been preparing for our Israel Extravaganza event on May 17 in honor of Yom Yerushalayim and Israel’s 75th anniversary. They are presenting a play of prominent figures in Ancient and Modern Israel history, from Avraham Avinu to David Ben Gurion. Elementary girls are preparing a Daglanut flag dance along with a choir led by our music instructor, Hodaya Singer. We are very excited to celebrate Yom Yerushalayim with our families through song, dance, and play!
As the sun dipped below the horizon, the Valley Torah Girls High School came alive with anticipation and excitement. Students and staff gathered under a canopy of stars, uniting to commemorate the joyous festival of Lag B’Omer with a spectacular bonfire event. Themed “Time to Ignite,” the celebration hosted by Dr. Rosenberg, offered attendees an unforgettable evening of spiritual connection, enthusiasm, and unity.
With flames flickering and crackling, the bonfire served as the heart of the event, drawing participants together and setting the stage for an evening of inspiration. After enjoying delicious refreshments, students and staff transitioned into a moving kumzitz, where voices joined in harmony to sing traditional songs and melodies which left students and staff feeling “ignited in their celebration of Lag B’Omer and gearing up in preparation for Shavuos and the acceptance of the Torah.”
Our sages say that in the merit of the righteous women we were redeemed from Egypt. Our redemption from Egypt is intimately connected to getting the Torah at Shavous. Therefore, we get Torah on the merit of righteous women. Mic drop.
Growing up in a non-religious home, I thought that in traditional Judaism women were “second class citizens.” Yet in my late 20s, when I started going to people’s homes for Shabbat, I not only saw men do dishes – something my dad never did – but met women who were executives with Ivy League MBAs. True Aishet Chayils.
As my observance increased I learned about the importance of women throughout our history. Especially at the time of the giving of the 10 Commandments.
Moses ascended to G-d, and Hashem called to him from the mountain, saying, “So shall you say to the House of Jacob, בקעי תיבל רמאת, and relate to the Children of Israel, לארשי ינבל דיגתו בקעי (Shemot 19:3).” The House of Jacob is famously referring to the women. And the Children of Israel famously refers to the men.
Three key points illustrate the importance of women:
1.Women get Torah first. Many commentaries focus on the importance of women as the foundation of Jewish life. When you build a building, you start with the foundation, then continue accordingly.
2.Women get Torah differently. Women get Torah with gentler language. A language of connection and relationships. A language of the heart. Men get Torah with details and rules. A more logical connection. This could explain why men are drawn to sports and women are drawn to anything with interpersonal drama.
3.Women are compared to a house. The word for house - תיב – has the word for daughter, תב + the letter Yud י which stands for Hashem’s spirituality. The spirituality of the woman makes the home. Not only does it make the home, but home is the reward of a woman’s commitment to G-d.
At the beginning of the time of hardship in Egypt, midwives Shifra and Puah – Yocheved and Miriam – were told by Pharaoh to kill the baby boys at their birth. They refused and made up an excuse. “And it was because the midwives feared G-d that He made them houses” (Shemot 1:21).
The reward of a home plays out with our Shavuos heroine Ruth. Naomi didn’t use theological arguments to try to dissuade her daughters-in-laws from fol-
As you prepare for Shavuot, think of You Vs Your Wife’s:
When you go to synagogue or the kollel, who do you converse with? God! What does He tell you? Don’t cook on the Sabbath. Who does your wife converse with? A toddler. What does he say? “Aa-aa. Ba-ba.”
What arguments do you hear throughout the day? Rashi says there’s no cooking after cooking. Tosfos says there is cooking after cooking. If you’re at work, then you hear intelligent adults arguing about the price, quality of the fabric, and cap rates. What does she hear? “This is my ball. No! It’s mine!”
What thoughts occupy your mind? “I wonder what cooking is.” Her thoughts? “I wonder if he likes my cooking.”
Do you understand? While you’re thinking about cooking, she’s actually doing the cooking.
This Shavuout, show your wife how aware you are of the sacrifices your educated wife constantly makes, and how appreciative you are of her for the sake of Shalom Bayit.
lowing her. She hit them where it hurt –she told them they had no shot at husbands.
What nice Jewish girl doesn’t want a man?
But Ruth followed Naomi regardless. Your people are my people and your G-d is my G-d (Ruth 1:16). We know how the story plays out. Ruth marries Boaz, becoming the great-grandmother of King David and the super-great grand-
mother of Moshiach. And the blessing that comes right before their wedding?
It’s the blessing of being like the righteous women – Rachel, Leah, and Tamar – who, despite challenging circumstances, did everything in their power to build Jewish homes.
As Rabbi Yossi says in the Gemara in Gittin 52a: “I never called my wife ‘my wife’… but rather ‘my home’.” The Gemara in Yevamot 62b says, “A man who dwells with no wife, lives without joy, without blessing, and without goodness.” And if there’s no joy, blessing, and goodness – how could one possibly be motivated to serve G-d? Or inspire anyone else – students, friends, offspring – to do so either?
The sages extend our Gemara about righteous women not just to the righteous women of Egypt, but to women of all time. It may be through the detailed learning of men that Judaism lives in the mind. But it’s through us – the women - that Judaism stays alive in our hearts. Why women are compared to houses is clear. Why men are compared to children – I’m a smart enough woman to know not to begin to tackle that one!
“Ruth marries Boaz, becoming the great-grandmother of King David and the super-great grandmother of Moshiach.”Rabbi Nir and his wife Atrian give regular classes on Shalom Bayit. His popular 3-minute podcast is funny and draws Shalom Bayit ideas from the Torah portion of the week. To register: ShalomInComics@gmail.com
In September of 2021, Mishpacha magazine featured an op-ed by Rabbi Yisrael Motzen of Ner Tamid in Baltimore titled “Kiddish club is not the problem.” In it, he cites the ubiquitous struggle among all orthodox shuls in managing their kiddish clubs. He goes on to explain that each shul has to create its own unique solution for its congregation and its covert club. It’s a wonderful piece that we recommend to our readership. LA is certainly no different! Each shul has created its own version of this ancient institution and the interplay between the Ba’al Habatim, Rabbanim, and kiddush club is an eternal struggle between what works and what does not.
Regardless of the interplay at each shul, it seems we created quite the buzz with this kiddush club review. There are those who loved what we were doing and those who did not. There were those who felt slighted and those who we never heard from. Nevertheless, we continued our quest to identify the best kiddush club in LA by heading right across the street from Westside Shul to our Sephardic brothers at Mogen David. One might wonder what Sephardim know about a kiddush club. After all, most believe that a kiddush club is
an ancient Ashkenazi tradition. Or is it? We knew that the Mogen David crew were leaders when it came to an aperitif, but herring and kugel? Well, they learned quickly. They have all the classic treats you want to see at a kiddush club. Herring and crackers, cholent, pigs in blankets, and of course, to keep it real…Moroccan cigars. There was tequila, scotch, and classic Sefardí Arak. We thought they nailed the food, but as it turns out, they were chef-less. The shuls chef Richard R’L is very sick. They even said a mi’sheberach for him before kiddush. Richard’s cholent is, by report, a masterpiece.
In terms of location, Mogen’s kiddush club meets in an isolated area protected by LA’s finest off-duty patrolmen so that kids are not granted entry. We asked the president of the kiddush club what made it so special: “Yes we are a club, yes people pay a membership to help subsidize the costs, but all are welcome! We love when guests come.” What a marvelous bunch of gentlemen they were. It was truly a warm and welcoming kiddush club and we had a great time and look forward to coming back again.
The following week we made our way to Beth Jacob. Beth Jacob most likely host-
ed the first kiddush club in the hood sometime after 1954 when Rabbi Dolgin a”h moved the congregation to Beverly Hills and set the stage for what we consider our community. His impact on Yiddishkeit in all of our amazing institutions across LA is ever-present. We can only imagine what went on in those kiddush clubs back then. The vast majority of the members were likely Holocaust survivors just back from the ashes of Auschwitz, Bergen-Belsen, and Buchenwald, with possibly some American servicemen who liberated them. Maybe some of those regular members had kids fighting for the US Armed Forces in Vietnam or Korea. Who could argue with having a kiddush club back then? Perhaps they would sneak away for a quick little schnapps, maybe a cracker, certainly no cholent, kishka, or Moroccan cigars.
Since that time, Beth Jacob’s kiddush club has been constantly evolving. We have heard that they have something special and wanted to see for ourselves. Unfortunately, fate was not on our side. Out of respect for the visiting scholar, the kiddush club was curtailed. We can only imagine that in that week, it resembled the days of old.
It was now 10:30 am and the clock
Down
Up 33% compared to last month
Up 0% compared to last year 5.6 Months
Down 23% compared to last month
Up 248% compared to last year
was ticking. We quickly figured that the only option would be Chabad of Sola! It was a beautiful day in L.A., so we walked past at least 13 other shuls with the smell of fresh cholent wooing us in until we reached what turned out to be a chavaya of epic proportions.
We make it to the door on La Cienega where we are greeted by 4 Magen Am security guards decked out in full beards, keys and 2-way radios hanging from their belts, and the warmest good shabbos you have ever received. We instantly felt safe again after sidestepping the homeless encampments a few blocks before.
cabana meets a greenhouse) are a bunch of guys hanging out and learning Chassidus while they munch on a charcuterie board made by Lieders (who is one of the many in-house caterers) and some spicy pickle chips made by Yerachmiel their chef. The vibe felt more like a brunch than a kiddush club, but we were warmly welcomed. Suddenly, as if there was a fire alarm, most of the members rushed in to hear Rabbi Zajac give words of Torah on the parsha. This was a nice touch to what we thought was an unending kiddush club. It was a wonderful experience and a beautiful walk home. Sometimes one man closes a door
Entering the converted retail space, we quickly felt the warmth, smiles, and great vibes from erliche yiddin. People began to come over to us with welcoming arms. “Are you here to review our kiddush club?” a strapping chabadnik in a tallis and bekeshe asked. “Which one do you want to go to?” he continued. “You already missed the first one but don’t worry we have three more.”
Presently, Sola Chabad has multiple minyanim going on at the same time. The shul is not just for chabanicks; it is a melting pot of yiddin. There is an incredible Sephardi minyan that meets in a giant makeshift tent that is authentically reminiscent of Morocco except for the piped-in A/C returns. The “room” is fully outfitted with a middle eastern rug, an ornate chandelier hanging from the poles supporting the structure, and stunning sephardi Torahs. We mention the ambiance here because the moment the children finish chanting after the Haftarah, the room magically converts into a kiddush hall (sponsored by Lenny’s). Unfortunately, this kiddush is automatically removed from the competition based on national kiddush club association (NKCA) rules as a kiddush club is required to meet during the services in order to qualify. But wait, there is more. In another room (well more like a
“By and large, all shuls are doing a great job and there are many people who go to shul today because of the kiddush club and the atmosphere it creates. For some, it’s not the food or alcohol, it is the camaraderie that they look forward to after a long week.”
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Mrs. Grace Fox touched the hearts of everyone she met. She was born in Wales, Great Britain, grew up in Glasgow, Scotland, and raised her family in the heart of Pico-Robertson. Mrs. Fox was a contemporary of Queen Elizabeth, born in 1926 between two world wars. She was 96 years old, still loved working with children at Canfield Elementary, and insisted on being productive throughout her life. Thanks to Mrs. Fox, my children had a Jewish presence in a public school. They remember her fondly. She made sure all their food was kosher, that the boys wore their Kippot proudly, and made a bracha on their Tzitzit.
Rabbi Rashi Simon, son-in-law of Mrs. Fox, married to her daughter Ruthie, shared some fond memories of her character and resilience. “She grew up during her formative years as a young girl in Europe during WWII, where women and children were taken from cities because they were targets of the German war machine. Throughout her life, she had a strength and stoicism, as well as an ability to cope. She had a drive to achieve and accomplish, as well as give and love. Mrs. Fox had a desire to bring out the best in every person.”
Mrs. Fox’s daughter, Judy Fox, described her mother’s childhood during the war. “Despite war-torn times and rations, cousins were playing with cousins, and their
By: Yulia Medovoy Edelshtaingrandmother, Beattie Cohen Simmons, would take them all to the seaside during WWII. They would go to the beach and pick blackberries.” When Mrs. Fox was young, she was an exemplary student, called a “head girl” in British schools, and she would have extra responsibilities. She remembers bringing challahs to the central kosher bakery, and getting them back when they were baked. She used to play field hockey and took dance. At British birthday parties, every child had to do a performance. She would recite a poem that she still remembered and taught to her grandchildren.
As a single girl, Mrs. Fox visited Antwerp, Belgium, and dreamed of traveling to New Zealand. Her granddaughter, Sora, had the opportunity to visit Scotland with friends and family, and saw her house and local park, based on all of the stories she clearly described throughout her life. Maxwell Park was where she acquired her extensive knowledge of flowers and gardening. Everyone in the family would participate in Mrs. Fox’s home garden in Pico-Robertson. She deeply understood the world of botany. They were the first on the block to have an English garden and started the trend of making the neighborhood beautiful. A phrase she would say while gardening and planting would be “to tuck you in toasty.” Her children and grandchildren helped and learned in her garden. At
“She made sure all their food was kosher, that the boys wore their Kippot proudly, and made a bracha on their Tzitzit.”
her Levaya the whole family was able to tuck her in toasty in her final place of rest. Besides her children and grandchildren, Mrs. Fox is survived by two younger sisters, Miriam and Vivienne. They were very close, talked every week, and were blessed to come and celebrate Mrs. Fox’s 95th birthday together. When WWII ended, Miriam, only 15 years old, was the first to take a ship to America to one of their aunts who was supporting the children, because money was scarce. Mrs. Fox was 18 when she followed Miriam, also via a ship, and went to Simmons College in Boston, Massachusetts. She was introduced to her future husband, Dr. George, who was attending Tufts University, studying psychology. He was a proud patriot soldier in WWII. When they met, he asked her, "How old are you?” and she said, “Old enough.” He continued to ask, “How tall are you?” To which she replied, “Tall enough.” Mrs. Fox was only 4 feet 7 inches tall, a small person but a giant human being, was how her grandson Rabbi Saadia Simon described her. Dr. George called her “Gracie girl.” They were best friends and loved each other’s company greatly during their 67 year marriage.
Mrs. Fox encouraged Dr. George to get a master’s degree in child psychology at the University of London. They spent time with her parents and traveled to Copenhagen, Denmark for a vacation.
Once back in the United States, Mrs. Fox worked as a social worker for many years, and her oldest son, Rabbi Dr. David Fox, remembers her saying that “meeting a person is an opportunity to make a friend.” They were kind to everyone they crossed paths with. During the early 1950s, Mrs. Fox had a Rosa Parks experience, where an elderly black gentleman came on the bus and she gave him her seat. The bus driver pulled over, stopped the bus, and told her to get her seat back or get off the bus, and she got off the bus, so he would not have to give up his seat.
Dr. George was looking for a position as a children’s counselor, and it took them across the country with only $100 and two kids. They traveled from Merced to Fontana and Riverside, where Dr. George Fox served as the first child psychologist in California. Dr. George set up an office in his home. A black college-trained psychologist from Columbia University knocked on their door selling eggs. She could not get a job because of the color of her skin. He hired her immediately to work for him in his practice. They lived by example, treating everyone with dignity.
“Mrs. Fox was raised as a Rabbi’s daughter in Wales and Scotland with proper etiquette,” says Rabbi Dr. David Fox. He fondly remembers when he was four years old, his mother would tell him that he needed to go to Yeshiva. He is a Rabbi and Rabbinic judge who serves in the Beit Din, as well as a forensic and clinical psycholo- gist. His mother made
sure her children and the whole family had a strong allegiance to Judaism. In 1972, the Fox family moved to Los Angeles, specifically to Glenvile Street in Pico-Robertson, to send their son David to Rabbi Wasserman’s Yeshiva, their younger daughters to Bais Yaakov, and their youngest son went to Yavneh. Their son David encouraged them to become more observant and live as frum Jews.
Her daughter, Judy Fox, was experiencing antisemitism and bullying and was the only Jew in her school during the 60’s before the family moved to Los Angeles. They became very observant and bought a big Spanish home in a large neighborhood. The kids had a wonderful childhood loving the beach and different parks and gardens, where Mrs. Fox was always teaching everyone about nature. Judy says that it was an “enormous gift learning about soil and nature, appreciating and knowing all the different flowers. Fun family time on vacations to Disneyland when it first opened in the ’50s, and other trips where we rented a house on Balboa Island and Solvang.”
The Fox family looked at life as an adventure and created a community wherever they settled. They always welcomed guests into their home for Shabbat meals, and even to stay the night. They were always involved in Jewish life, started shuls, and built up the community. The Fox family always said yes to hosting Jews coming to Shabbos, where everybody knew they were not only in charge of Hachnosas Orchim, but it would be their house where everyone would eat and stay overnight. Their guests ranged from the youth of NCSY, to a large group of Persian Jewish refugees attending Yeshiva University Beit Midrash after the fall of the Shah. It was the Fox family that made them feel at home. Rabbi Dr. David Fox remembers his mother arranged for a Persian Jewish woman to travel from Orange County to teach her cuisine from Iran. Many people that she met throughout the years became lifelong friends.
Mrs. Fox had two master's degrees and loved to read. She liked chunky, well-re-
searched books. Her great-grandchildren had books ready to read with her this past Pesach. She even remembered books that she left in the attic in Scotland and wished she could have found them again. The whole family loves to open up the dictionary. This was a big part of her culture, the love of words, meaning, and etymology. Her father knew seven languages. Growing up in Great Britain, Mrs. Fox’s schooling differed from an American education. In British schools, students had to memorize the train systems of the U.S. and India, and learn different types of bird nests and animals. Judy remembers that she loved to read all the Jewish publications, including the Jewish Home.
Mrs. Fox was also musical as well as a gifted pianist. She loved playing the piano in her living room and working on new pieces. She loved to get hugs and enjoyed it when her grandchildren rubbed her back. She would say sunshine felt good in her bones. She was very politically aware and interested in human rights and helping Israel. She was very proud of being from Great Britain and only became an American citizen in order to be able to vote. She always wore a hat or beret, and in her 80’s, started wearing a sheitel. She was proud of Yiddishkeit and proud of so many Rabbis in the family. She was so proud to have her children and grandchildren in a Jewish school and enjoyed hearing what they learned. She would join a chavrusa in Navi with her cousin and would join her granddaughter Laya Elisheva in her learning group. She loved to go to her son's shiur and Young Israel shiurim. She was good at connecting with every person, at every age, and at every stage. She enjoyed talking about their interests and loved being productive. She also loved being in the moment, putting her feet up, and having a cup of tea and milk.
Mrs. Fox left a permanent place in the hearts of everyone she met. Her children and grandchildren recalled her childhood stories with great detail. Mrs. Fox had a good retentive memory, remembering herself at three years old, “all the way back to a wee girl in a pram looking
at flowers.” Many times she would sound Scottish, and even on Pesach would sing the Ma Nishtana in Broad Scots. This Pesach she was really missed, as it was her favorite holiday. Mrs. Fox was responsible for the charoset, chrein, and grinding maror. Throughout the years, the family would stay up until four in the morning for each Seder. Hallel was her favorite and everyone would be singing together until the end of the Hagaddah.
great-grandchildren throughout the world.
Dr. George passed away seven years before, and she continued living in their beautiful home. Eight grandchildren have been named Gershon in his honor. He is affectionately called Bumpsie, because Rabbi Dr. David Fox’s oldest son could not say “Grampsie.” Mrs. Fox was a homebody, loved her home, and took great pride in keeping her home. She liked a tidy house, always did the dishes, even at her daughter Emily’s house, as well as polishing her silverware for Shabbos, and liked the doors to cupboards to be shut. She was a very good cook and baker–Bayla very much misses her cheesecake. There was always fresh mandel bread, challah, and chocolate chip cookies ready to eat. She had time and energy for her family, neighbors, and community. When Mrs. Fox had to give up driving because her hips gave out, her neighbor David would drive her to teach at Canfield every morning and her children would rotate driving her home.
“The
Mrs. Fox had six children, seventeen grandchildren, and forty-five great-grandchildren. Each felt like they were her favorite, and would have a set time of day that they would call to share life experiences. She would always remember details that were unique to each person, including their full names and birthdays. From her granddaughter, Laya Elisheva, who is a teacher, she loved to hear all about her students. Her granddaughter Sora loves liver, and when she lived across the country, Mrs. Fox arranged for one of Sora’s neighbors to cook her liver for her birthday. For three generations, she put one dollar from the tooth fairy in the mail. Judy would help her mother get gifts for every birthday and every chag. She also kept the lost art of writing and mailing a thank you note after receiving a gift, or when hosted for a meal. Rabbi Dr. David Fox’s wife Debbie is continuing this tradition. Mrs. Fox’s daughter, Emily Jacobson, still gets requests from her own grandchildren to sing the lullabies that were sung to her as a child.
The Fox family was in Los Angeles for 60 years! She davened at Young Israel of Century City and loved going to shul. If the Chazzan went too fast, she would let Rabbi Elazar Muskin know at Kiddush. Her granddaughter, Bayla, would bring people to sing Hallel with her when she was unable to go to shul. The whole family and wonderful neighbors worked together to make Mrs. Fox feel completely independent. She taught at Canfield Elementary for 46 years until one month before her passing. She easily kept up with technology, such as a Whatsapp Family group, and learned Zoom during the pandemic. She continued to use Zoom to communicate with her children, grandchildren, and
“She saw everything as a miracle from Hashem '' reminisces daughter Emily Jacobson and from her daughter Judy Fox “Grandma Gracie was beloved globally; she did not have borders.” Every life she touched was transformed and you immediately felt like mishpocha. She loved to pray and sing with her family and say Tehilim. She would say Shema before taking a nap and made everyone sing Birkat Hamazon together.
Mrs. Grace Fox’s Hebrew name was Chana Devorah bas HaRav Mordechai. May her Nesha- ma have the highest Aliyah, and may her memory be for a blessing.
“Throughout her life, she had a strength and stoicism, as well as an ability to cope. She had a drive to achieve and accomplish, as well as give and love.”
Fox family looked at life as an adventure and created a community wherever they settled… Every life she touched was transformed and you immediately felt like mishpocha.”
There is a unique ability to triumph over one’s challenges and make the victory into a medium that helps others. Rabbi Yanky Kaufman’s story is one of turning his greatest challenge into a source of help and hope for hundreds of others.
For over 20 years, Yanky suffered from a debilitating stutter. In his desperate attempt to gain fluency, he went to a long list of top speech therapists in both America and Israel, and his parents spent tens of thousands of dollars on his therapy. Some of the methods offered promise in the therapist’s office, some of them even unconventional, but they all proved incapable of translation to the real world. “I couldn’t hide my stutter; it affected everything,” Yanky recalls. “Behind every thought I wanted to share was always the question, ‘Is it worth it?’ Like most stutterers, I balanced my words on a scale: was the stress and effort of expressing myself worth the sentiment I hoped to convey?
People are affected by stuttering more than just not being able to get the word out. There’s a social component that limits their ability to freely engage and connect with others. There’s the academic blockade because one is hesitant to speak up in class or Yeshiva. A financial impact is due to the limitations of the careers that stutterers choose due to fear. They may be qualified for a more highly-paid profession, but chose not to go into those fields that require more verbal communication due to their stutter. Ruchiniyus is also inhibited for men who don’t feel comfortable giving shiurim, asking questions while learning, being an active chavrusa, accepting an aliyah in shul, or laining.
Even with all of these limitations, Yanky Kaufman was thriving in life. He had many friends in school, went to summer camp and Yeshiva, had chavrusas with the Roshei Yeshiva in the Mir and Camp Agudah, married, and had children. One day, he was asked to give chizuk to another man who stuttered and was in a very desperate situation. The night before they met, Yanky davened to HaShem to help him say the right things to help his fellow stutterer. While he was jotting down some chizuk ideas, different techniques started percolating in his mind which Kaufman would use as an experiment the next day. Some of those were strategies he had learned during his many years in speech therapy, but he added his own unique creative twists. Both he and the other man benefited from this technique, without either of them stuttering once during their long conversation.
So excited about his new technique, Kaufman went home and shared it with his wife, reviewing it repeatedly, going over all the details, and fine-tuning it. He dissected, broke down the method, and added
to it where necessary. “This encompassed so many of the goals and theories of the therapists that I went to, but in a shorter, more practical and methodical way,” Kaufman says. Excited to share his breakthrough, Kaufman offered to work pro bono with others who suffered with stut-
method shows people how to be in control of their speech via speech and behavioral therapy, provides fluency skills and a way to overcome the emotional barriers that people who stutter have.” While other methods separate the person from the stutter, Kaufman’s method “addresses not just the stutter but the stutterer.”
In order to teach his innovative program to the masses, Kaufman knew he had to connect with credentialed, experienced speech therapists and other professionals. They gave him their support and endorsements. He explained and taught over his method, answering all of the questions that came in, after which one seasoned speech therapist, in particular, replied that he was “blown away because it brought everything together, but in a sensical and coherent way.”
Kaufman and his family moved from Eretz Yisroel back to the U.S. to launch his new program. “What’s the most unique factor in the way we do it? We make the
he teaches people how to integrate the skills into their daily life. People come out knowing why they stutter and can see results in a very short period of time. The program includes a brilliant follow-up system in which select graduates of his program, who have been speaking fluently for a while, coach new clients on maintaining their fluency so it can become second nature. Kaufman currently has coaches across America, England, and Eretz Yisroel.
As the need grew for his program to branch out, Rabbi Kaufman has extensively trained several hand-selected, licensed therapists who have many years of experience and the passion and patience it takes to help those who stutter. Because stuttering is chronic, pervasive, and complex in its dynamics of encompassing neurological, physical, and emotional elements, long-term fluency is a real specialty. Kaufman took this revolutionary approach and founded Smooth Speech Solution LLC. There are now 11 branches of Smooth Speech Solution, and they have over 1000 success stories of those who they’ve helped attain fluency. Kaufman supervises and keeps his therapists updated with his latest breakthroughs.
“One of the most exciting parts of my job is when people call me after they have finished the program to share how the program enhanced their life. An excited mother will tell me how their son spoke beautifully at his Bar Mitzvah. Another will call me with the good news that he’s a Chosson and how he’s calling me first to tell me how he feels that this played a pivotal role in getting him to this milestone. A young rabbi will tell me how he was willing to accept a Maggid Shiur position instead of remaining a Shoel UMeishiv. And yet another will share how he upgraded to his dream job instead of a job that was just more convenient for his speech.”
The newest development of Smooth Speech Solution is in Los Angeles! Dina Weller MS CCC SLP has fifteen years of experience as a compassionate Licensed Speech Therapist and is excited to bring Rabbi Kaufman’s methodical and successful program to the LA community.
tering in his Sanhedria Murchevet apartment in Israel.
Yanky honed his method, structuring it in a way where he would be able to cater to the broadest amount of people. Kaufman shares that “we are getting to the root of the issue. People who stutter are lacking control over their speech. This
skills practical. A lot of people have great theoretical skills. But if they aren’t practical, then the skills aren’t catering to the typical stutterer. They will fall through the cracks, and it won’t hold up in real life or long term.” Rabbi Kaufman doesn’t only teach skills;
“Because stuttering is chronic, pervasive, and complex in its dynamics of encompassing neurological, physical, and emotional elements, long-term fluency is a real specialty.”Kaufman with strong supporter Dr. David Leiberman PhD Speaking at the Torah U Mesorah convention
There is a malach that comes to my door every month. She usually visits on Rosh Chodesh, but not necessarily so. Filled with words of Moshiach’s ever-present impending arrival, she seeks to reassure that all which seems frightening and bad are merely signs that he is on his way.
My visitor is named for one of the imahos. One that suffered tremendously in her life, and davened to Hashem for deliverance from hardship even more so–but didn’t they all? Born in North Africa, this modern eim speaks many languages, including English. Her franco-Arabic lilt greets me with a warm smile, arms outspread reassuring me, “Not to worry!”
How does she know? Can she read it on my face? Or does she understand implicitly that many of us walk around day to day with thoughts of our fears, worries, helplessness? I consider worries of family members, children, and community to be more lofty than material concerns of amassing wealth. But, if one were to create a hierarchy of meaningful and productive thoughts, even above desiring blessings for others are thoughts of emuna and bitachon.
On the evenings of her arrival, my older children announce, “Ima! Your friend is here!” Of course, I know exactly who they mean. Is she coming to collect tzedaka? Yes, for she has a need for it. I do not know where she lives or what her last name is. Probably, she lives nearby. But, for me, she is a malach that appears to remind me that everything is for the good, “Hakol letovah.” She assures me that Moshiach is coming (i.e. the reminder that I need to be thinking about him and hoping for his arrival bekarov, Amein). And she reminds me to daven.
One night, I realize that I must give her the name of my friend whose name has just been changed with the addition of “Chaya.” I know the malach’s tefillos are powerful. She commits to saying Tehillim in a way that I struggle with. Because, in truth, for her, saying Tehillim is like walking and breathing. For me, it’s a daunting trial of potential failure, a daily commitment where I inevitably fall short because I consider it a commitment.
The next month, I suspect she will be coming. It is Rosh Chodesh again. But, I must tell her that my friend’s name has been changed again. This time, it is her permanent name. That which will be bound up with the Kiseh haKavod; her name for eternity, in Gan Eden. Another of our exalted imahos. I cannot bear to speak. I write
my visitor a note on an envelope and leave it outside.
My past includes a life lived through a lens of black and white thoughts, awaiting the arrival of the singular right solution to a challenge. There exists today a particular challenge on which I spend much mental and physical energy addressing on a daily basis. Thank G-d, I have been witness to improvement. I attributed the positive change to one intervention and decided to give credit even to a second (though esoteric) intervention. Ultimately, I had forgotten the most important intervention of all.
But, she reminded me.
For her most recent visit began not with chizuk, but with a question. You see, the eim davens for us. “How is the situation?” She wished to hear an update. I look at her face and realize I have missed the most important intervention of all. Tefillos. “Things are improving, thank G-d!” I go inside to retrieve some tzedaka, knowing that which she gives me is infinitely more valuable than whatever I can offer her.
For me, she is a malach that appears to remind me that everything is for the good, “Hakol letovah.”
Shavuos marks the momentous occasion when we received the greatest gift of all time. But instead of merely putting together a gift box, we have something even more special in mind: let’s create a Torah! But don’t just craft the Torah. Learn the Torah and love the Torah.
Supplies:
2 rolling pins, paper, nice material (Such as velvet or other), scissor, tape, velcro, Decorative items such as beads, sequins, and others
Instructions:
Step 1: Cut a piece of paper to fit in between both rolling pins. This will be the scroll of the “Torah.”
Step 2: Tape the paper securely to both rolling pins, ensuring that it is tightly in place.
Step 3: Roll both rolling pins together to close the “Torah.”
Step 4: Tie a thin ribbon or piece of material around the “Torah” so it stays in place.
Step 5: Cut a piece of material to form the velvet mantle.
Step 6: Place velcro on the back of the material to close the mantle
Step 7: Decorate the velvet mantle as you like using decorative items such as beads, sequins, or embroidery thread. You can add any designs that are meaningful to you.
Congratulations! You have successfully created a “Torah” with a beautiful mantle. You can display it, dance with it, and even “learn” from it. Remember to handle it with care to prevent any damage.
1 2 3 4 5
Mushky, aka the “Duct Tape Lady”, is a duct tape artist and lover of crafts who is always On A Roll coming up with something new and exciting. Mushky believes that creativity and connection are 2 really important things to take with you throughout life. Crafts build confidence, teach problem solving, and encourages “Out of the box” thinking. She currently teaches 3rd grade in Bais Chaya Mushka LA and is an adjunct professor at Sara Schenirer College. You can check out more awesome projects on her YouTube channel, onarollcrafts, or follow her on instagram @onarollcrafts
To book a craft event contact her at onarollcrafts@gmail.com
1. At his coronation on May 6, King Charles will observe many customs, including which one of the following?
a. He will use the royal toothbrush that has been handed down to the British monarch since 1732.
b. He will sit in an old wooden chair called the Coronation Chair, which was made in 1300 and will have oil put on his head, chest, and hands.
c. He will pardon all dentists that have been sued for malpractice in England.
d. He will issue a proclamation that everyone in all of his provinces should come to a party for 7 days. (This is just a proclamation; the party does not take place.)
2. King Charles was given an Aston Martin for his 21st birthday by his mother. He still has that vehicle. What does it run on?
a. Diesel
b. Surplus English wine and cheese that is turned into bioethanol
c. It was the first electric vehicle ever made
d. Super premium gasoline
3. Before becoming king, what was then-Prince Charles’s official title?
a. Prince Charles III
b. His Royal Highness Prince Charles of Wales
c. Prince Charles Chancellor of the Exchequer
d. His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl ofCarrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland
4. For years, it has been rumored that now-King Charles has the following cooked for him every afternoon:
a. Cholent (which he fell in love with when it was served to him on a visit to a frum community)
b. Seven BoiledC eggs (he picks the one that seems just right and discards the rest)
c. Crumpets (topped with butter and salt)
d. Burger King (Royal Double Burger and king-size fries)
5. Having earned the name“Pampered Prince,” which of the following is alleged in an AmazonPrime documentary about now-King Charles and in a tell-all book that included interviews with more than 120 people who worked for the royals?
a. He travels with his own toilet seat.
b. He always brings his own food to dinner parties.
c. His shoelaces are ironed every morning.
d. His butler squeezes one inch of toothpaste onto his toothbrush every morning.
e. All of the above
6. For how many years was King Charles the heir-apparent (inside tip: the royal with the title PrinceofWales is the heir-apparent)?
a. 17 years
b. 24 years
c. 39 years
d. 70 years
1. Who were the four men who never sinned in their lifetime?
a. Binyamin
b. Mesushelach
c. Amram
d. Yishai
e. Kilav (the son of Dovid
f. HaMelech and Avigayil)
g. Rabbi Akiva
h. Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai
2. Which yom tov was Yitzchok Avinu born on?
a. Shavuos
b. Pesach
c. Chanukah
d. Shmini Atzeres
3. What did Hashem create on the fourth day?
a. Animals
b. Lights in the sky
c. Plants
d. Scorpions
4. Who were Avraham Avinu’s brothers?
a. Serug and Terach
b. Serug and Nachor
c. Charan and Terach
d. Nachor and Charan
5. Who was the oldest person to have ever lived?
a. Adam
b. Lemech
c. Mesushelach
6. What object did Moshe hold up which healed the Jewish people in the midbar when they looked up to it?
a. The luchos
b. His walking stick
c. A small Torah
d. A copper serpent
7. What was Boaz and Ruth’s son’s name?
a. Peretz
b. Oved
c. Ram
d. Hezron
8. Which of the following women was not married to Dovid Hamelech?
a. Tamar
b. Michal
c. Avigayil
d. Batsheva
9. Before he died, Moshe went on top of which mountain to see Eretz Yisroel?
a. Har Chorev
b. Har Mistakel
c. Har Seyir
d. Har Nevo
10. Under whose rule did Klal Yisroel split into two kingdoms?
a. Rechovom
b. Shlomo Hamelech
c. Azaria
d. Achav
a. George Washington
b. John Flowersmith
c. Alexander Graham Bell
d. René Barbier
2. How many flowers are there approximately in Dubai’s Miracle Garden 72,000 square foot attraction that opened in 2013?
a. 4 million
b. 17 million
c. 24 million
d. 45 million
3. What is the national flower of the U.S.?
a. Daisy
b. Tulip
c. Rose
d. Violet
4. Which flower shares its name with a musical instrument?
a. Drumflower
b. Flute pedals
c. Viola
d. Harp flower
5. What was tulip mania?
a. It’s a WWE wrestling match that takes place in a large city’s botanical gardens at the end of every summer.
b. It’s a disease in which a person is compelled to plant tulips in every free space of their garden.
c. It is a tulip competition that takes place in England. The per- son who harvested the nicest tulips gets to plant the garden at Buckingham Palace.
d. It was a craze that took place in the Netherlands in the 1630s when tulips were seen as a status symbol, causing them to become more valuable than gold. The market eventually collapsed and tulips became nearly worth- less, leaving tulip speculators in financial ruin.
Shavuos: What is Moshe Doing Up Here?
When Moshe went up to Shamayim (the heaven), the angels asked Hashem, “What is this human Moshe doing here amongst us?” Hashem answered, “He has come to receive the Torah!” “To receive the Torah?” they asked surprisingly, “Why would You give this precious gift to a human being? Your precious Torah should be given to the holy angels!”
Hashem told Moshe to tell the Malachim (angels) why Bnai Yisrael should receive the Torah and not them. When Moshe expressed his fear of speaking to the Malachim, Hashem told Moshe to hold on to His throne and nothing would happen to him. As soon as Moshe took hold of Hashem’s throne he regained his courage and asked Hashem, “What is written in Your Torah?” Hashem responded, “In my Torah it is written, I am Hashem your G-d who took you out from the land of Mitzrayim!” Moshe turned to the Malachim and asked, “Did you go to Mitzrayim? Were you slaves to Pharoh?” The Malachim answered that they were never in Mitzrayim nor were they slaves to Pharaoh.
Moshe asked Hashem what else is written in the Torah? Hashem said, “Do not believe in any powers besides Me and do not worship idols.” Moshe said to the Malachim, “You live in Shamayim with Hashem. You see that only Hashem runs the world. Why would you need the Torah to teach you not to believe in any other power and not to bow to idols?”
Once again Moshe asked Hashem, “What else is written in Your Torah?” Hashem answered, “Remember the day of Shabbos to keep it holy.” Moshe asked the Malachim, “Do you have a job during the week that you need to be reminded to stop working before Shabbos?”
This story was taken from Meseches Shabbos 88b .
2. Why do you think that the Malachim were surprised that Hashem was planning to give the Torah to Bnai Yisrael and not to them?
3. Why do you think that Moshe was afraid to speak to the Malachim?
4. Why do you think that the Malachim agreed in the end that the Torah should be given to Bnai Yisrael and not to them?
5. Why do you think that the Malachim showed tremendous honor to Moshe and gave him gifts?
Rabbi Mordechai Dubin is a Rebbe at Gindi Maimonides Academy. He is the author of three illustrated children’s books, I’ll Never Forget Yerushalayim, I Believe, and I Know 6; and has produced four Musical CD’s for children, I Made This World For you, Let My People Go, Al Shelosha Devarim, and Hashem is Always With Me.
only was he the first
Hashem continued to tell Moshe what was written in the Torah and Moshe continued to explain to the Malachim why the laws of the Torah were not relevant to them. Finally, the Malachim agreed with Moshe that the Torah should be given to Bnai Yisrael and not to them. At that time all the Malachim showed tremendous honor and love for Moshe and each one gave Moshe a special gift.
rose breeder. He had hundreds of bushes at his home and believed his ability to care for roses came
from
then president-Ronald Reagan signed a proclamation certifying the rose as the national flower in a ceremony at the White House Rose Garden.
Rav Doniel Katz
When I first heard this story, I was left a little shocked. It forever transformed my understanding of Torah, Judaism and Shavuos in general.
A young man visited Reb Zusha of Anipoli, perplexed and agitated. “Rebbi, every night I’ve been having the same dream. In the dream, my father, who passed away a few weeks ago, appears and tells me that I must go to his sister and convert her to Christianity. Of course, I haven’t followed his instructions, but night after night he comes back with the same message. Rebbi, my father was a righteous man! How can he keep demanding such a thing of me? What should I do?”
Reb Zusha closed his eyes and entered the higher state of Divine consciousness known as dveikus. After a few moments, he opened his eyes and answered, “Go to your father’s grave, dig it up, and look inside. There you’ll find a cross, or some other item used for avoda zara (idol worship). Once you remove it, the dreams will stop, and you and your father’s soul will both find peace of mind again.”
Bewildered, the man followed Reb Zusha’s advice. He went to the cemetery that very night and dug up his father’s grave. To his shock, inside the grave – just as Reb Zusha had predicted – he found some coins with small crosses engraved on them that must have slipped out of the pockets of the gravediggers. He removed the coins, reburied his father, and the dreams stopped.
The story spread fast. The townspeople were amazed, and convinced that Reb Zusha was a miracle worker. What supernatural knowledge he must have, to know what they’d find in the grave! Word of the miracle continued to spread until it made it all the way to Vilna, reaching the Vilna Gaon himself. The Gaon was unimpressed: “You think this story proves Reb Zusha has ruach hakodesh (divine inspiration)? Certainly not! What you don’t realize is that Zusha was just quoting from the Talmud Yerushalmi, which gives that exact advice. I am however impressed that Reb Zusha was holding in the Talmud Yerushalmi!”
Just as the story about Reb Zusha traveled all the way to the Gra, so did the Gra’s response make it all the way back to Reb Zusha. When they told him what the Vilna Gaon had said, it was Reb Zusha’s turn to be astonished. “Really?! It’s in the Talmud Yerushalmi? I didn’t know!”
The students were bewildered. “Well, if you didn’t learn it from there, Rebbi, how did you know exactly what they’d find in the grave?” Reb Zusha simply answered with a smile: “I knew it from the same place
that the authors of the Talmud Yerushalmi knew it...”
The same place? What place? What does Reb Zusha’s answer possibly mean?
According to the mystical sources of our tradition, the revelation of Torah was not just a single, momentous event that took place over 4,471 years ago. Rather, Matan Torah is an ongoing experience – one that continues to take place here and now, within all of us, today. A clue to this idea is found in the blessing we recite before learning To rah every morning, where we declare that Hashem is “nosain ha’Torah” –giving the
Torah, in the present tense.
The Torah is more than just a text of religious laws and information set down in a static, finite book. The text itself is just part of a revelation accessed by prophets and mystics who ascended to higher worlds from which Divine wisdom could be accessed and experienced directly. This revelation was then channeled down in written form, to be accessed by everybody. Although Moshe Rabbeinu was known as the greatest prophet of all time, he was not the first to be able to access Divine wisdom through higher states. Chazal teaches us that Avraham Avinu was able to learn all 613 mitzvos intuitively, through his own meditations on reality. And for a thousand years after Moshe Rabbeinu, the master meditators known as the prophets continued to ascend and draw down new insights, clarifying and building further on the original revelations. Once the Sinai channel was opened, and the Jewish people were connected, it continued to be a channel of transmission throughout history. The Talmud teaches that when our Sages were unable to clarify the correct approach to certain halachos, they would simply watch how the Jewish people intuitively behaved and allow that to indicate the right direction: “For even if we are no longer prophets, we are the children of prophets.” Within each generation, the light of revelation continued.
This internal, intuitive, super-conscious awareness of higher truth and Hashem’s wisdom lives within us even today. The Zohar teaches that Moshe Rabbeinu didn’t only teach Torah to the generation in the wilderness. After he died, a part of his light – his Divine knowledge and awareness – was invested into each one of us, in every generation. The Tanya speaks of the countless Jews throughout history
with no apparent belief in God or connection to their tradition who, nevertheless, when their lives as Jews were threatened by our enemies, suddenly experienced the awakening of a deeply repressed cosmic impulse – to say the Shema, declare their eternal faith, and die al kiddush Hashem. The Baal HaTanya asks: where did that impulse come from? No one quickly gave them a kiruv seminar or showed them proof of Hashem’s existence. These unaffiliated Jews weren’t taught the truth from any external source at all; rather, a deep truth was awakened from within, with such a powerful resonance that it illuminated their whole consciousness with a new understanding and radically transformed them.
How many of us have heard today of unaffiliated Jews, who may even define themselves as atheist or agnostic, who report of the sudden realization during a meditation or a psychedelic experience, that there is an infinite God, or that everything is one, or that the soul of a great tzaddik appeared to them, or ancient Hebrew letters danced before them with a message to explore their tradition and come home? If truth can be accessed by such people in a moment, what other Divine wisdom, knowledge, and insight do we carry untapped within us, even at this moment? Right now, we have the ability to tap into an entire realm of consciousness with unlimited knowledge, insight, and
posed, but whose innate spiritual value we can innately sense. This speaks to the dual meaning of the word mitzvah. The traditional translation is “a commandment,” implying something outside of us that is externally imposed. But the root of the word is also in fact tzavsa – which means “bonded and connected” – an innate knowing that couldn’t be more internal, intuitive, core and connected to our being. The further we are from awareness of our Divine consciousness and nature, the more we feel burdened by spiritual truths and obligations. The more developed and worked-through we are, the more we are attuned to our Divine self, nature, and values, and the more we live mitzvos with love and joy. As they are nothing less than the highest expression of ourselves. Any Jewish educator today with an open mind and heart can see, without a doubt, this is the path of our generation.
This is the secret and essence of the sefirah process as preparation for receiving Torah. As we work through the 49 days, we work through each of our middos and emotional blocks one at a time (the heart has 7 core desires, and each of those has 7 core elements – thus, the number 49 represents the full depth of the human heart). As we heal and elevate each one in turn, we are not only preparing ourselves to receive Torah eventually; we are opening our consciousness to access the Torah within, already. This is the secret the Kedushas
by ALYSSA D. BERLIN and
transformational energy, that can elevate every day of our existence, and redefine our destiny and potential. Lo b’shomayim hi – it is not something impossibly far or hard to do, or only for the greatest masters. It’s close and accessible to every single one of us. This mechanism is itself a Torah commandment and was the central practice of all Chassidic teachings – a meditative technique known as deveikus.
In this generation of seekers, for whom ritual and dogma leave us unsatiated, we hunger and thirst not just for information but transformation — for direct experience of the Divine. Tzaddikim have stated that in some ways, we are like a generation of baalei teshuvah, returning to the path of the original baal teshuvah —Avraham Avinu himself. Thus, we tend to relate more to his approach: teachings that aren’t just externally taught or im-
Levi revealed hidden in the perplexing line in the Pesach Hagaddah: “Hashem, had you brought us to Har Sinai and not given us the Torah, dayeinu. It would have been enough.” What would have been the point of taking us out of Egypt, dragging us for weeks through a wasteland and arriving at a small mountain in the middle of nowhere if He hadn’t then given us the Torah?? The Kedushas Levi reveals an extraordinary spiritual paradigm: As the Jewish nation traveled towards Sinai and worked through the darkness and trauma and spiritual disconnection they had developed in exile, doing the hard work of looking inward, healing and releasing all their blocks. By the 49th day, when that work was completed, they had elevated their consciousness to such a state, and were so aligned with Hashem, that they could innately perceive the spiritual light, truth, and wisdom of Torah — even without Hashem revealing to them! Their consciousness had become such a clear channel and vessel that they directly accessed Torah themselves! Hence
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“This internal, intuitive, super-conscious awareness of higher truth and Hashem’s wisdom lives within us even today.”
the teaching in the Haggadah - “Hashem, had you brought us to Har Sinai and not given us the Torah, dayeinu. It would have been enough.” Enough because the people had accessed it within, already.
The celebration of Shavuous this and every year is not a memory of something that happened 4,471 years ago, but a revelation of the deepest spiritual light and truth that is awakened within us on this day, and our capacity to access that for the whole coming year.
This was the power tzaddikim like Reb Zusha learned to master, to such a high degree of accuracy that they could intuit the very light of Chazal and the prophets. On a more entry level, our own generation is starting to understand the possibilities and importance of this path and these gifts. With the exponential proliferation of Chassidic and Kabbalistic teachings in our dor, as well unpreceded access to transformational tools of healing, and growing interest in Jewish meditation practice, it seems we are right on track to the state of humanity that the prophet Yirmiyahu predicted would be at the end of days:
“In those days, says Hashem, I will place My Torah inside them, and I will write it on their hearts. I will be revealed to be their God and they will be My people
bound to me. At that time no person will ever have to instruct his friend or sibling saying, ‘Know the Divine!’ For all of them will innately know Me themselves, from their young ones to their elders, so says Hashem.”
This Shavuos, may we become more deeply connected we are to our elevated state of consciousness, to our innate recognition and awareness of Hashem, so that we will not only be more connected to Torah and mitzvos, but to one another as “one being, with one heart.” We be so deeply awakened from within – that the Divine truth of Torah becomes a part of us from the inside out — so that all our Yiddishkeit is filled with love, join and chius. Seeing, feeling, and connecting to the light of Hashem, in all we do, in every day, at every moment, even in this physical world. May the light and revelation of Sinai be accessed and lived every day, in every one of us, forever more.
Rav Doniel Katz is a visionary educator and internationally sought-after lecturer, whose open and compassionate teachings have transformed the lives of thousands around the world. Rav Doniel was a favorite teacher for many years at Neve Yerushalayim and Aish HaTorah. Rav Doniel’s mission is to reveal the unity among different paths of Torah in order to allow all people everywhere to experience its spiritual depth, beauty, and transformative power. Rav Doniel is the creator and director of The Elevation Project and has made it his mission to teach and spread deveikus to the world. To learn more, visit www.elevationproject.com.
On my hike today I saw three lizards scuttling across the path. Later on in the day, my kids went swimming and found a dead one on the bottom of the pool. I guess it was the juxtaposition of different lizards or life and death but it got me to wondering. Why did the Alligator Lizard die and why did the geckos remain alive?
Why? What is the difference? What are the factors in that determination? Will the gecko be next?
How should he approach every day?
By he, I mean the Gecko of course. With trepidation or with gratitude? Both feel too immense. Too much. Too intense. Should he numb himself? He might sit out in the sun stiffly and purposely avoid thinking of anything at all. Not the impending doom of death nor the blessing of every given moment. Would numbing help? It might help him to not think about the intensity of life... It just seems too hard to live so intentionally long-term... how long is his term anyway?
It all becomes very overwhelming. The thoughts are too fast, too scary, too much, too choking. Suddenly, you can’t breathe and your heart is racing and the world goes dark.
Sorry, this was supposed to be about the Gecko.
It is too much.
It is too much to think about mortality.
That may be why animals don’t have a concept of time. Every day is a new beginning. Some ants only have a few days. Lizards live for 15 years or so and then there’s the Greenland sharks who live over 300 years!
But no one is complaining.
I sit down in a field of mustard flowers and lean in eagerly to hear their dissatisfac-
tion, pain, and worry. There is only a gentle swaying. Where is the frustration, fear, and anger?
It is not present.
I am ashamed before nature’s absolute trust and humility.
I question, I hunt, I hurt. While the daffodils sing praises to G-d unremittingly.
I hear their singing chorus. Their adorations of love. Their whole selves focused in rapturous surrender. In awe, I listen to their voices weaving a tapestry illustrating the love story of Creation and
its Creator.
And far far away I hear a marching. From somewhere deep deep within there is a rumble driving towards the surface. It somehow joins the chorus of the flowers and trees and grass in a thunderously deep resonance. The reverberations drum inside my chest and ears.
Although right now I feel lost, somewhere inside there is a base aligned with the chorus in nature. There is a song in me that flows symphoniously with the melody I hear and from there I may draw strength. We are all creations and perhaps I can let go of reason and embrace my place with humility.
At present, in a field of yellow flowers and the sun on my face with the wind whispering in my ear, I want to pray.
“All breathing life Adores Your Name”
The geckos look on.
Hindi is a certified Relationshift Coach based in Los Angeles. She is passionate about relationships and self growth. She educates women on Torah’s perspective of marriage at her workshops and retreats and helps women around the world through her personal coaching program. Hindi lives with her husband and four children in Los Angeles.
Iam a pianist and have played since I was a child. Somehow the piano resonated with me; I loved moving my fingers across the keys, practicing my songs to get them to sound better and better, and just relaxing through the music. I tried some other instruments over the years - guitar, recorder - but neither of them stuck.
Then came my harp. It was love at first sight and sound. I don’t recall what made me try that instrument, but it might have had to do with the fact that I was friendly with a friend of a harp teacher. One thing led to another, and I was taking lessons on this huge, humongous harp that I rented. It sat in my family room.
was purchasing my very own 30-string therapy harp. I loved it then. I love it now. And I play it every single day.
I play folk songs on my little harp. I carry it around with me to patients in nursing homes (where I work as a music therapist), and I play the residents’ favorite music.
I still play my piano and keyboard. However, my harp has become my new friend and go-to for support. When I’m tired or frustrated, I take it out and play it. When I’m happy, I play it. It just seems to be there for me. I bring it along to friends in the community and cheer them up sometimes with my harp.
I’ve learned that one who plays the harp is called a “harper” or a “harpist.” I enjoy producing gentle sounds and playing strong melodies and harmonies on the instrument.
It makes me feel good to know that at this stage in my life, I can start a new hobby, pursue it and master it somewhat. Knowing that I have done that with the harp helps me with other things in my life.
It’s never too late to start something new. Now that’s a value to harp on.
I loved the lessons, but couldn’t bring myself to sit down to that huge, imposing instrument. (Not that the piano is smaller, but somehow the height of the harp overwhelmed me). I barely practiced in between lessons.
Then I heard about the “therapy harp,” and I investigated. I called a factory up in Northern California which manufactures harps, and before long I
Miriam Hendeles, M.A., MT-BC is a music therapist for hospice patients and a writer for Binah Magazine and other publications. She’s the author of “Mazel Tov! It’s a Bubby!” and “Best Foot Forward.” One of her passions is advocating for frum women in midlife through a recently launched website of JWOW! or www.jewishwomenofwisdom.org
“It makes me feel good to know that at this stage in my life, I can start a new hobby, pursue it and master it somewhat.”
My specialty is strength train ing, also known as resistance training. The main objective of strength training is to provide a stimulus that increases muscle strength.
The way we get stronger and build muscle is through progressive overload. This means that as you get stronger, the resistance has to gradually increase in order to make the workout challenging enough to make your muscles work to near failure. This causes micro-tears in your muscles, and in the recovery process, makes them adapt and grow stronger over time.
Men are generally not afraid of this process, but up until recently, most of the women I have encountered were.
I am here to change this.
When I first began training, women would come into my gym, see the barbell, and say, “There’s no way I will be able to do this!” Many of them feared they were not strong enough. Others had the notion that lifting weights would make them “look like a man.” Strength training had not yet become mainstream enough, and cardio was the exercise of choice.
But then a gradual shift began to take place. These women began to discover something. Strength. Not just physical strength. But emotional and mental strength and resiliency. A strength that was coming from the inside out. By pushing their minds past limiting beliefs such as “women can’t
be strong,” they began to transform their own self-perceptions. The biggest transformation I observed in the gym was the confidence that my clients were discovering through the process.
This is the magic of strength training.
It is a commitment to ourselves, pushing through failure, getting lost in the process, being patient, and finding something amazing on the other side. A stronger, more resilient, self.
Watching this evolution is very exciting. In a society where most women aspire to be a specific body size, minds are beginning to change. In an industry where so much emphasis is placed on aesthetics, women are understanding that there is a much greater value to lifting weights. Women are coming to me saying, “I am here because I want to be strong.”
This is music to my ears.
There are a number of fascinating benefits to strength training that are beyond just aesthetics. After the age of 30, we naturally lose as much as 3-5% of our muscle mass per decade. Less muscle means less mobility, more weakness, and a greater likelihood of falls and fractures as one ages.
Less muscle also means a slower metabolism. Strength training changes that. The more muscle your body has, the more calories it burns, even at rest. A strong metabolism is a powerful tool in weight management. Strength training also puts pressure on our bones. This is a good thing. The pressure increases bone mineral density, which slows down and can even reverse the effects of bone density loss or osteoporosis.
Strength training not only improves our metabolism and makes us feel strong and invigorated, but it also slows down the aging process. This is why so many refer to it as, “the Fountain of Youth.” It is the only way to build back muscle mass that has been lost through the aging process.
Building muscle helps improve heart health, functional flexibility, insulin sensitivity, and posture. It balances hormones, helps main tain balance, and boosts confidence.
women are telling me that their doctors are prescribing strength training as a part of their overall healthy lifestyle regimen.
how do you get started?
For starters, two to three 30-minute workouts a week with one’s own body weight and dumbbells can be a great place to begin. Using one’s own body weight as a form of resistance without using any extra weights can be done through pushups, squats, and pull-ups. If you are training twice a week, aim for two full-body workouts. The goal is that the last two reps should feel like you are about to fail, which is the way to gauge whether the weight is challenging enough. As you get stronger, increase the weights or the reps.
As with any regimen, consistency is key to seeing results. It will take time, but the benefits are worth the time and effort. You will most likely have more days that you want to quit than days you feel motivated. Motivation only gets you started.
Remember, YOU are the greatest
Sarah Kamornick is an educator for 20 years and has embarked into the realm of women’s health and fitness. ing. Sarah is a certified personal trainer as well as a cise Specialist, and PN1 Nutrition coach. For coaching
FOR ALL YOUR EVENT NEEDS
(818)980 7368 INFO@GEMSPARTIES.COM WWW.GEMSPARTIES.COM
Chef Nir Weinblut was born in Tel Aviv, Israel, and at a young age, he moved with his family to the east coast of the United States, where they opened a pizza shop. Nir grew up helping his parents in their restaurant, and he developed a love for cooking and hospitality from an early age. In the mid-80s, Nir moved to Los Angeles to study business and psychology. While supporting himself, he found his way back into the catering world and discovered his passion for high-end catering. Slowly but surely, he began to explore the culinary world and experienced the higher-end side of the industry.
As he gained more experience in the catering industry, Nir decided to slowly transition back into the culinary world, this time with a focus on the higher-end side of the industry. During this time, he learned from many talented individuals, including French maîtres d’ and back-of-house staff, all of whom taught him something new and valuable.
After gaining extensive experience and training, Nir established La Gondola Restaurant and Catering, which quickly became a front-runner in the kosher world in Los Angeles. Three decades later, the establishment is still going strong and continues to be a leader in the industry. In addition to his success with La Gondola Restaurant and Catering, Chef Nir has also taken his culinary skills to international audiences. He has catered for royals in Dubai and has been a judge on Kosher.com’s Skill’it. As well as being a co-author for a cookbook called “Kosher Soul Food,” which showcases his unique blend of Jewish and African American cuisine.
Let’s start with takeout orders. You’re at home, all cozy on the couch, feeling hungry, or the kids are coming home from school and want to eat, but dinner isn’t ready. So, you decide to order out. You call your favorite restaurant and place your order. Now, you go and pick it up.
When you arrive, the bags are there. You’ve already pre-paid, but now, the question is: do you tip the person who hands you the bags?
Well, there are no hard and fast rules on tipping for takeout orders, but we should respect those who worked hard to prepare that bag. The host took the order, made sure all of your modifications were made, and ensured all allergy requirements were met. They explained the dishes and guided you through the menu. There were cooks involved, prep people who helped wrap the food, made sure the sides were in the right bag, and that cold food wasn’t in the same bag as the hot food. Where are all the extra napkins, ketchup, and containers of your favorite dressing? All of this attention is put in to ensure your order is correct when you get home. There is nothing worse than getting to your office or home and finding that things are missing, from the utensils to that side of ketchup for the fries. So, let’s show them some appreciation. They all work for minimum wage.
So, how much do we tip? Just like when to tip, how much to tip can also vary depending on the service. The general rule of thumb for a sit-down restaurant is to tip 18 to 20 percent of the bill when you are happy with the service. So, for a small to large takeout order where the staff went above and beyond, the general rule is 10-15% in most places. Keep in mind that restaurant staff often rely on tips as part of their earnings. As I mentioned, some staff work in a few restaurants throughout the week, so they compare which restaurant clients tip, and some hosts and servers get tipped in one restaurant but not in others.
At kosher restaurants, more than most, we tend not to tip for takeout. So, maybe we should show a little hakarat hatov and leave a few dollars. But more importantly, give a smile, say “Thank You!” and if you have to wait a few extra minutes, let’s not be “hangry.” Let’s be polite, and if it takes longer than usual, ask for a manager. There must be an explanation. You may not want to hear it, but let’s hear them out.
Ingredients
For the Cheesecake
4 cups of cream cheese (32 oz) brought to room temperature
• 1 1/2 cups of sugar
• 6 eggs
1 cup of heavy whipping cream
• 3 tbsp all purpose flour
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp kosher salt
For the sourcream topping
• 2 cups of sour cream
• 1/4 cup of sugar
• 1 tsp of vanilla extract
Directions
• Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
• In a mixer or bowl, beat your cream cheese and sugar until all lumps are gone and the sugar is dissolved.
• Add in the eggs, one at a time, and give the eggs a few seconds to be mixed in before adding the next egg.
Add the vanilla, heavy whipping cream, flour, and salt, and mix until everything is incorporated into the batter.
• In a 10’ inch springform pan line it with a few pieces of parchment paper (make sure the parchment paper is hanging over the rim of the pan and once that is prepared, put your batter into the pan.
• Bake the cheesecake for about an hour. Even if the center is still soft it will form as the cake cools.
• As your cake is cooling, mix into a bowl or mixer your sour cream, sugar, and vanilla extract. Once it has a lump-free glossy finish, spread it on top of your cheesecake (only once the cheesecake is fully cool).
Ingredients
• 2 cups of all purpose flour
• 2 tsp salt
1 tsp cornstarch
• ¼ cup of grapeseed oil
• ½ cup cold water
• 1 ½ cup of crumbled feta cheese
⅓ cup ricotta cheese 1 egg
• 1 tsp salt Sesame seeds
Directions
• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
• For the dough, combine the flour, 1 tsp salt, cornstarch, oil, and water until it forms a dough. If it has more of a crumbly texture, keep adding more water.
• Once the dough forms, place it on a piece of plastic wrap and place it in the fridge. for about 30 minutes to an hour.
• For the cheese filling, combine the feta, ricotta, salt, and pepper.
• Once you take the dough out of the fridge, roll it out and cut it into 3 in. rounds (use the top of a cup or mason jar).
• Place about 2 teaspoons of filling, then close up the sambousek with a fork. Make an egg wash and brush it on top of all the sambouseks, then top with sesame seeds.
• Place them in the oven for about 15-20 minutes until they become golden brown.
Ingredients
Tabbouleh
• 1 cauliflower head (or 5 cups of fresh pre-cut cauliflower rice) *not frozen*
1 bunch of parsley
• 1 bunch of mint
• 3-4 cloves of garlic
• 2 chopped tomatoes
• 4 chopped cucumbers
• 1 tsp of salt
• 1/3 cup of olive oil
• 4 tbsp of lemon juice
Pickled Onions
2 red onions
2 cups of white vinegar
• 2 cups of water
• 3 garlic cloves
• 2 tbsp of cane sugar 1 tbsp of salt
• 1 tsp peppercorns
Directions
• If you are using a cauliflower head, cup it up into chunks and then put it into the food processor until you get a rice-like texture.
• Chop up your parsley, mint, garlic, tomatoes, and cucumbers, and put it into a bowl with your cauliflower.
• Add pickled onions.
• Add lemon juice, olive oil, and salt to your bowl and mix.
Pickled Onions:
Slice up your onion (Chef Nir recommends using a mandolin for more fine and even slices).
• Put the onions in a jar with the garlic and peppercorns.
• In a pot, boil the vinegar, water, sugar, and salt.
• Once everything is dissolved in the water-vinegar mixture, bring it to a simmer and pour it into your jar of onions.
• Place them in the fridge once they have cooled, and they should be ready in about an hour.
Going “dairy-free” or “vegan” is one of the latest trends surrounding the food market. Alternatives to cow’s milk continue to pop up and have been growing in selection across all supermarket shelves. From soy, to almond, to oat milk, there are many dairy-free options to choose from. It seems going dairy-free is the healthier way, based on the information we see marketed. But is this true? Not all milks are created equal and there are pros and cons to each. How can one make an educated decision about what form of milk is best for them?
Cow’s Milk
Milk and dairy products are one of the richest sources of essential nutrients, which is why they are recommended as part of a healthy diet from toddler through adulthood. An average glass of whole milk contains 8g protein, 8g fat, 11g carbs and a generous dose of vitamin B12, calcium, vitamin D, phosphorus, potassium, magnesium, and zinc. Based on its nutrient makeup, one glass of whole milk can be equivalent to a well-balanced snack. The fat content of milk contains more than 400 beneficial fatty acids, including many that we don’t receive from other foods. In addition, grass-fed cow’s milk has a high omega-3 content versus the average cornfed cow’s milk. Another key ingredient in dairy is lactose, which is not only used by the body as a source of energy, but also has been deemed as a prebiotic, promoting gut health. If one enjoys dairy and can tolerate it, they should feel confident consuming it.
However, with over 50% of the world’s population having trouble digesting or tolerating dairy, one may wonder whether it is still considered healthy to consume. The answer to this depends on the individual. Many omit dairy from their diet simply for weight loss, to feel better about themselves or to be more eco-friendly. On the other hand, some have lifelong gastrointestinal issues related to dairy intolerance. What it comes down to is how sensitive one is to dairy. Some have difficulty tolerating solely lactose and therefore can choose lactose-free options. Additionally, different forms of dairy such as yogurts and cheese contain different levels of lactose and are likely to be better tolerated than milk alone. It is also important to note that the quantity of dairy consumed can make a difference as well, with some just needing to monitor how much of it they eat.
If well-tolerated, for all children, women in their reproductive years and the elderly, dairy provides the richest blend of nutrients that are essential for growth, bone health and reducing the risk of fractures and osteoporosis. Cow’s milk and fermented dairy products like yogurt and kefir, are also associated with a lower risk of obesity, type 2 diabetes, and more recently discovered, cardiovascular disease. If a parent
chooses to omit dairy from their children’s diet, they must be vigilant that their child is consuming other rich sources of protein, calcium, vitamin D and phosphorus, which may not be an easy daily feat. Parents should do their research or consult with a
registered dietitian. For adults who choose to avoid dairy, let’s break down some milk alternatives to help make the next grocery run a bit easier.
Lactose-free milk is nutritionally equivalent to cow’s milk and is a great alternative for those unable to tolerate regular cow’s milk. Lactose is a form of sugar naturally found in cow’s milk. Generally, those who are lactose intolerant are deficient in the enzyme lactase, which is required to digest lactose. When lactase is added to milk it creates lactose-free milk. Lactase enzyme can also be taken in pill form and consumed with regular cow’s milk products.
Soy milk’s nutrition composition is the most similar plant-based milk to cow’s milk, which makes it a suitable nutrient-dense option. However, soy milk is lower in calcium and lacks vitamin D, so it is important to choose soy milk fortified with these nutrients or to supplement separately. Please note, particularly among children, it is common for those with a milk protein allergy to also have a soy allergy.
Almond and other nut milks share a similar nutrient profile. An average glass of unsweetened almond milk has inferior nutrient levels in comparison to cow’s or soy milk. Almond milk is not considered a nutrient-dense milk but is a good source of calcium, vitamin E, manganese, zinc, and potassium. Many nut milks these days are fortified with vitamin D and vitamin B12, but may contain undesirable additives. Almond milk is a nice option for one who is looking to lose weight, however, it’s not an ideal choice nutritiously, given its lack of protein.
Oat milk has recently become popular due to its creamy consistency and natural sweetness. It is also free of dairy, soy and nut allergens. However, since it is made from a grain, it is much higher in carbs and lower in protein than other milk alternatives. Therefore, oat milk would not be a recommended choice for those with diabetes. It may not either be appropriate for those with celiac, due to its content of avenin, a glu-
ten-like compound. Be aware that many oat milks contain added processed oils that are high in saturated fat, so always be sure to check labels. On the other hand, oat milk is higher in fiber than all other milk alternatives and contains beta-glucans, a prebi-
otic fiber that promotes gut health. Like almond milk, oat milk is usually fortified with calcium, vitamin D, and vitamin B12 to help meet nutrient needs. With all this in mind, one
Following a dairy-free or exclusive plant-based diet may make it difficult to meet one’s daily vitamin and mineral needs. A thoroughly planned diet and nutrient supplementation can help. To better assess which path is ideal for you, reach out to a registered dietitian (RD) who can best analyze your nutrition needs, daily eating routine, beliefs, and GI tolerance.
should not forget to carefully read food labels and ingredients to select the best option for his or her needs. Be careful to choose unsweetened options as many milk alternatives contain unnecessary added sugars. Also, beware of potential allergens or artificial additives.
Gres
Dear Dini,
I have an issue that isn’t earth-shattering, but I’d like your take. I live in a neighborhood with lovely people, everyone is friendly to everyone else, and my kids even have a few close friends among the neighbors’ kids, which is great for impromptu playdates on those boring Sundays. The issue is, I really value my privacy. It’s not that I would prefer to live on a desert island, but I like to have my space to myself, I believe a good set of window blinds is an excellent investment, and I am not a fan of surprise visits at any hour of the day or night from a neighbor “popping by for a chat.” I have been told this means I am antisocial. I don’t agree. I am social: at work, on errands, when attending an event at my kids’ schools, etc., I just would like my home time to be for me and my family!
Anyhow, one of our long-time neighbors, probably our closest friends in the area, came up with a great idea: building a door between our fences for easy access whenever they want to come over. I DON’T WANT THIS!! But everyone else, including my family, thinks it’s a great idea. I envision exactly the kind of surprise visits I hate, plus all the kids in the neighborhood accessing this new shortcut. So I guess I have two questions: Am I wrong? And if not, how do I get out of this awful plan tactfully? Signed, Trying to Stay Sane (and Social!)
to the same conclusion that your gate should not be open to others to enter of their own free will. Perhaps for others, it would work, but I can’t see it being the right choice for you.
Dear Reader,
Your question may not be earth-shattering but it’s important to you, and I’m honored to give you my advice and help you navigate through this. I am happy you live in a neighborhood where your children have friends, and I take comfort in knowing that they have who to go back and forth to. That alone is truly priceless.
I want to begin with the fact that you mentioned that you were told that “you are antisocial.” We make choices in our life based on many things. Things like our nature, past experiences, and even the way we grew up. While it may not be the way someone else would do it, that is not a cause for labeling you, and it’s not for someone else to judge.
Are you wrong? Regarding the fence, no, you are not. Your home belongs to you. And it’s yours to do with it what you want. The gate surrounding your home is also part of that. Your home seems sacred to you, and the thought of anyone else having the choice to come in and out as they please would seem unnerving to you. I read your question many times, and I keep coming back
It’s nice that a neighbor you like suggested it, but as a friend once told me, not every invitation is a summons to appear. This means not every suggestion, even when it’s coming from someone you like, needs to be taken into consideration. This doesn’t seem to be anywhere close to something you can handle, whether that be little children (adorable or not) coming and going, or a lurking possible home invader. You can politely say thank you, but that idea doesn’t resonate with you in any way. My feelings on the gate access is to side with you, no matter what the opposi-
those around us. Our children watch and learn from everything we do and from who we are. You’re raising children in a society today that is more selfish and self-centered than ever (didn’t my grandmother also feel that back in the day?). Yet, we try everything we can to teach our children to share and “play nice in the sandbox” with others. Nothing shows that more than when we have a home where we welcome others, obviously in moderation, yet share, nonetheless. Having a mother, who—let’s face it, the mother runs the house—has an open home and shows her children that their friends are welcome, is the ultimate lesson of sharing and giving. A home is a privilege to have, especially when you own it, and is a true gift from Hashem. A home is also a mini Bais Hamikodosh; a Mishkan of sorts. We are meant to serve Hashem with our homes and sanctify His name. Hashem shares His abundance with us every day, and nothing makes Him more proud than when we do that
for others, as well. I believe you can have spaces that satisfy your privacy and still open your home (window blinds are a good investment on any day). Our homes are not meant entirely to have just for ourselves. Desert Islands are good for vacation, but that’s not ideal for raising a family, and not just because there is no Costco nearby. Perhaps one day when you will sit in your children’s home, and they welcome others and you’re a witness to it, you will for sure think, “I don’t know how they handle it” but you will also be proud of them, and know that they learned that in your home. Remember, you’re not raising little children— you’re raising someone else’s future mother or father.
Adina (Dini) Gres is a wife, mother of 4 adult daughters, business owner, writer, speaker, and certified life coach. Through her role as owner of Financial Concierge LLC and coach for personal and financial clients, Adina recognizes that trying to get ahead without managing a healthy mentality is the primary reason blocking individuals from success. When working with her clients, Dini helps them understand how they themselves can change the narrative of their lives. You can hear more from Adina by listening to her podcast titled “Things I think you should know.” Adina also shares on her Instagram page @financialconcierge.
tions are. However, I would like to add some wise words that I’m hoping you could think about and take into consideration. It may require some stretching of your mind on your end, but I believe in growth at any age, as it benefits us and
For submissions to the “Dear Dini” column, please send your questions to editor@thelajewishhome.com
“Remember, you’re not raising little children— you’re raising someone else’s future mother or father.”
When it comes to cookbooks, sometimes two is way better than one. Plated: A Curated Dining Experience is a fabulous collaboration between Elizabeth L. Mandlebaum and Dr. Alyssa Berlin. In Plated, we discover how to achieve the near-impossible: creating gorgeous, creative, and health-friendly meals while keeping our cooking experience calm, stress-free, and, yes, lots of fun.
Elizabeth is a popular food blogger, recipe developer, and personal chef, particularly famous for recipes that work with food allergies and sensitivities. Alyssa is a respected psychologist with a focus on the mind-body connection and the therapeutic value of cooking and baking, what she calls “therapeutic cooking.” And both of these accomplished women share a passion for great food. Together, they created a unique process for “calm cooking.”
In Plated, they don’t just share recipes, they plate them as well! On the same page, you’ll find a full meal – protein, carb, veggies, garnishes, dips, sauces, even easy-to-follow plating instructions and substitutions for those with food sensitivities. Plated’s unique organization of recipes and focus on complete meals and composed plates make it a convenient and stress-free option for those who want to enjoy delicious, “calm cooked” meals at home without the hassle of meal planning and endless grocery shopping.
Elizabeth’s focus on health and simplicity combines with Alyssa’s passion for exploring new flavors, textures, and food pairings to create a truly unique cooking experience, one that’s fun, calm, and scrumptiously delicious. Get your copy of Plated at your local Hebrew bookseller, Amazon, or ArtScroll.com.
Elizabeth, can you tell readers a little about your background and culinary philosophy?
Throughout high school I was very focused on living a clean and healthy lifestyle, emphasizing exercise and healthy food. I found that too many recipes online or in cookbooks consisted of ingredients that were unhealthy, or steps that were time consuming and complicated.
When I got married, I began experimenting in the kitchen with different foods, creating and developing my own recipes to be yummy, flavorful, simple and healthy at the same time. I started a food blog about 5 years ago just for fun, and to my surprise it took off! I got numerous requests to cook for people. Since my recipes were healthy and allergy friendly, many of them gluten free and vegan friendly, so many people were asking me to cook for them. Although I had never contemplated that idea, I decided to give it a try. I fell in love and became a full time personal chef and food blogger.
Alyssa, how about you?
I am a psychologist by profession, but my passion for cooking and experimenting with food has led me to become a self-trained chef, foodie, and cookbook author. My culinary philosophy revolves around exploring new flavors, textures, and fusion cuisine, as well as creating beautiful plating for a memorable dining experience. While in graduate school, the kitchen was my sanctuary, where I bonded with my husband, connected with friends, and expanded my culinary skills. We hosted Shabbat dinners for singles and attended various cooking classes together. As a mother, my focus has shifted to finding kitchen shortcuts and hacks to create fast, flavorful, and impressive dishes that fit my busy life.
So interesting, Alyssa, that you’re a psychologist. How did your training and experience affect this book?
As a perinatal psychologist working with growing families, I believe in the importance of creativity and flexibility when adjusting to parenthood. I started recognizing the synergy between my profession and my passion for cooking, which led me to develop the concept of Therapeutic Cooking. This approach aims to reduce stress and improve mental well-being through cooking and baking,
either independently or as a complement to traditional therapy. By incorporating Therapeutic Cooking into my practice, I’ve helped clients explore emotions, develop mindfulness, and gain control over their eating habits. The book reflects this unique blend of culinary art and psychological insight, with a focus on calm cooking, healthy, flavorful, and easy-to-make recipes that also nourish the mind and soul.
Calm Cooking? What’s that about?
Calm cooking is our philosophy towards the kitchen. It is a way of approaching cooking that emphasizes mindfulness, simplicity, and relaxation. It involves taking a more leisurely approach to the cooking process, allowing yourself to fully engage with the task at hand and savor the experience of preparing food.
One of the things that brought us together was our shared belief in ‘having fun’ in the kitchen! We both approach cooking as a fun and exciting experiment. It doesn’t have to be so serious or so precise. “Don’t like cilantro? Swap it for parsley!”
We emphasize the importance of being present in the moment while cooking, paying attention to the smells, sounds, and sensations of the cooking process. This can help you to feel more grounded and centered, and enhance the fun factor.
You will feel our calm cooking philosophy throughout Plated: we simplify the cooking process by using fewer ingredients and simpler techniques. Plated will help reduce your stress and overwhelm in the kitchen, and will make cooking a more enjoyable and relaxing experience.
How did the two of you “find” each other? How did the collaboration work?
Alyssa and I have known each other for a while. We share common cooking strategies and flavors! One of the things that really connected us was our “something for everyone” philosophy! We both never host a meal without thinking about everyone who will be at the table. We are passionate that everyone eating in our homes finds wonderful things to eat regardless of taste or dietary needs or preferences. We made sure we translated this passion into Plated by including tips for tweaking recipes to accommodate various dietary needs, We view our readers as guests. Just like everyone who comes to
our table will find something to eat -- everyone who picks up our book will have something (many things!) to cook!
What makes Plated so different from other cookbooks?
Plated is unique because unlike most cookbooks that give you separate sections of proteins, carbs and vegetables, Plated gives you a fully composed meal, with all the necessary elements. Plated pairs flavors and foods for you, helping to structure your meal. And not only do we compose meals, we plate them as well! With the perfect puree, garnish, and sauces, and the simplest plating instructions, Plated teaches you how to cook and present the perfect meal. This unique format is where “Calm Cooking” shines through -- removing the stress from cooking. One of the stressful aspects of cooking for most people is deciding what to make, creating a menu or organizing a meal. We de-stress that for you by composing the meals. For example, a recipe for pecan crusted chicken (yum!) is paired with recipes for a complimentary starch; a sweet potato mash, a vegetable; sauteed broccolini and a tangy mustard sauce, all on the same page. This approach simplifies meal planning but also allows for plenty of creativity in the kitchen, as readers can experiment with different combinations of dishes and flavors. Overall, Plated’s unique organization of recipes and focus on complete meals and composed plates make it a convenient and stress-free option for those who want to enjoy delicious, “calm cooked” meals at home without the hassle of meal planning and endless grocery shopping.
The food photos are gorgeous. Who designed and photographed them?
Our food photographer, Marina Moward, is an incredible food stylist and photographer. We handed her the food with an idea or concept of how we wanted it served and she created an image that was just so perfect, so magical and brought the photos to life! She understood our mindset and style and did the best job!
Can you tell us a little about the process of recipe development?
Some of the recipes in the book were dishes we’ve been making for our friends and families for years. We knew they would be a hit and perfect for the
book because of all the positive feedback those recipes have gotten. Some of the recipes were actually created on the spot! Elizabeth’s focus on simple and accessible recipes emphasizes the practical and functional side of cooking. On the other hand, Alyssa’s focus on uniqueness and presentation represents creativity, aesthetics, and experimentation. Together, we balance these two elements to create recipes that are both approachable and visually appealing. By combining our strengths and perspectives, we’ve created a cohesive cookbook that speaks to a wide range of readers who value both simplicity and creativity in their cooking.
Any fun disaster stories?
Not all-out disaster stories, but there was definitely a need to go with the flow on many occasions. When Alyssa is working with new moms she often tells them that each new baby comes with 2 new best friends -- ‘creativity and flexibility”- which is a great reminder and equally applies to the home cook.
Let’s just say there was more than one moment of having to be creative and flexible and think on our feet - but those make for some of the most unexpected and best flavor combos. We will leave it to the reader to guess which recipes were the result of these spontaneous and fun kitchen moments.
Any great serendipity stories?
Our meeting was the most serendipitous, and is a testament to the power of unexpected connections. Years ago, Alyssa was Elizabeth’s teacher, but we lost touch over time. That is, until Alyssa stumbled upon Elizabeth’s Instagram page and was immediately struck by her style and the content she was producing. Alyssa reached out to Elizabeth to see if she was interested in partnering up to write a cookbook together. As we began to work together, we realized that we shared a philosophy, an approach to cooking and flavors that complemented the two of us perfectly.
Tough question: Alyssa and Elizabeth: what are your favorite recipes?
Elizabeth: Definitely a tough question! I love so many different ones but I would have to say -- the salads! I love a good salad and we have too many good ones to choose one!
Alyssa: Elizabeth, you and I are once again kindred spirits. It’s salads all the way for me. Even as a young girl, most parents would promise their kids ice cream in exchange for good behavior; for me it was always salad. You wanted me to “behave” -- forget ice cream and offer me a salad.
Tell us a little about the recipes with allergy-free ingredients.
This kind of circles back to “something for everyone.” The idea is to give alternative ingredients to make each recipe perfect for each person, so that everyone has something to eat! Elizabeth has always had food sensitivities as well as overall health concerns. Alyssa suffered from different medical issues that medications couldn’t solve, and she went on a wellness journey to heal herself through food, In addition, being married for over 25 years and the mom of 4 kids, Alyssa
has had to adapt recipes over the years for different health needs of her husband and kids. Dietary and health needs were never going to compromise flavor. Together, we tweaked recipes in the kitchen until the “alternative” or new recipe was just as good if not better than the original.
What is your “plating” philosophy?
Clean. Simple, Beautiful! Nothing should be overly complicated. Sometimes less is more!
I admit it: I like great food but don’t have a lot of time to prepare it. What does this cookbook do for me?
We are right there with you. This cookbook gives you a grocery list with all of the ingredients you would need to create the recipes, and a sample menu for you to work off of -- again, removing the stress of having to think twice about it. Elizabeth has little kids and Alyssa is a full time psychologist -- we both need fast and simple!
Pareve serves 10-12
A favorite flavor pairing gets a new look with this enticing dessert. A moist chocolate cake meets peanut butter mousse and is finished with a silky chocolate glaze.
• 2 cups white whole wheat flour
• 1 1/2cups sugar
• 3/4 cup cocoa
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp baking powder
1 1/4tsp salt
2 eggs
• 1 cup almond milk
• 1/2 cup oil
• 3/4 cup vegan sour cream
• 1 Tbsp lemon juice
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 cup hot brewed coffee
Peanut Butter Mousse
2 (9-oz) containers
Cocowhip coconut whipped topping
• 3/4 cup creamy peanut butter
• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
Chocolate Glaze
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips
1 tsp coconut oil
• Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a 9-inch Bundt pan.
• In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Using a stand mixer, beat in the eggs, milk, oil, sour cream, lemon juice, and vanilla. Add the coffee; beat to combine. Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for 50-60 minutes, until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Cool completely.
Peanut Butter Mousse
• Remove the Cocowhip from the freezer; let soften slightly.
• Place the peanut butter into a microwave-safe bowl; microwave for 30 seconds on medium power.
• In a bowl, combine the Cocowhip, peanut butter, and vanilla. With an electric mixer, beat on low until well combined. Chill for 1 hour to thicken.
• Slice off the top inch of the cake. Set aside. Hollow out the middle of the cake to make a well, making sure to keep the walls of the cake intact. Spoon mousse into the cake. Replace the top of the cake.
Place chocolate chips and oil in a microwave-safe bowl; microwave for 30-60 seconds on medium heat and stir. Drizzle over the cake.
• Variations: Coat 2 (10-inch) round cake pans with cooking spray.
• Pour half the batter into each pan; bake for 30 minutes. Use the PB mousse as a filling between the cake layers. Cover the cake with chocolate glaze. The gluten-free recipe works best with this variation.
• Gluten-free Chocolate Cake: Substitute whole wheat flour with 1 1/3 cups oat flour and 2/3 cup tapioca flour. Follow the directions above.
Cream-based soups are delicious but don’t always leave you feeling great. This better-for-you version is vegan and gluten-free, works with every diet, and won’t leave you feeling heavy (even after your third bowl!).
Ingredients
• 2 Tbsp olive oil
• 8 oz baby bella mushrooms, sliced
8 oz shiitake mushrooms, sliced
• 8 oz oyster mushrooms, sliced
• 4 cloves garlic, crushed
• 1 shallot, finely diced
• 2 cups vegetable broth
• 1 (15-oz) can coconut milk
• 1/2 cup white wine
1/2 tsp onion powder
Salt
Garnish
• Microgreens
• Truffle oil
Directions
• In a pot, heat the olive oil over medium heat; add the mushrooms, garlic, and shallot. Sauté until tender, about 4 minutes. Make sure not to overcook! Reserve some of the mushrooms to garnish the bowls. Add the broth, coconut milk, and white wine. Add the onion powder and salt.
• Cover the pot; simmer for 30-60 minutes.
Plate It!
• Ladle into individual bowls; garnish with mushrooms and microgreens.
• Drizzle with truffle oil.
Seared Ahi Tuna with Crunchy Quinoa and Kale Salad Pareve serves 4
This salad has all the components necessary for a perfectly healthy meal. It’s portioned well, not too light to leave you hungry but not too heavy to leave you stuffed.
Ingredients
• 4 ahi tuna fillets
2 Tbsp oil
• Salt
• Pepper
Salad
• 3/4 cup cooked quinoa
• Cooking spray
• Salt
• 1 (16-oz) bag chopped kale
1 cup cherries, pitted and halved
• 2-3 Tbsp toasted walnuts
• (see note, p. 138)
• 1/4 cup scallions, sliced (green part only)
Salad Dressing
• 1/3 cup oil
• 1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 2 tsp honey
• 1 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 clove garlic, crushed
• Salt
• Pepper
Directions
Salad
• In a jar or bowl, mix together all the dressing ingredients.
• In a large bowl, 1 hour before serving, combine the kale and the dressing.
Preheat oven to 375°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
• Spread cooked quinoa in a thin layer onto the prepared baking sheet. Lightly coat with cooking spray and season with salt; bake for 25 minutes, stirring every 10 minutes, until quinoa is crunchy and golden brown.
Ahi tuna
• Sprinkle both sides of the fish with salt and pepper.
• In a frying pan over medium heat, heat 2 tablespoons of the oil until hot.
• Cook for about 1 minute, until the color turns.
• Flip to the other side. Repeat on all sides of the fillets.
Plate
• Combine the kale, cherries, walnuts, scallions, and crunchy quinoa.
Plate salads individually. Thinly slice tuna and place on top.
• Variations: Cherries out of season? Substitute cherries with halved grapes
To be honest or to hide? That is the question. This dilemma faces every dater, man or woman, every time they meet. And as the dating progresses the question changes somewhat, but the urgency and indecision hovers.
Honesty and integrity are game-changers in relationships. When we are consistently honest, trust develops, and it is in that space where a rapport is formed. The trouble with being dishonest is that once the cat is out of the bag, no matter how many times you try to take it back or fix it, the other person will always wonder and never be sure about your position. This is why safeguarding our integrity is so important and we should do our utmost to never compromise our standards. Naturally, if something happens that is out of our control, we should be apologetic in a manner that conveys sincerity and leaves no lingering doubt.
Honesty is so essential to establishing trustworthy relationships that the question then becomes how much of yourself do you share when you are dating? The simple answer is that you share it in stages. Additionally, make a concerted effort to never ever lie, no matter how uncomfortable you feel. There are some conversations you may want to wait to have, and there are some details you may never want to share, but never ever say or imply anything but the honest truth. Let’s unpack this and see how it could work.
At the start of the shidduch process, it begins on some level as a personal business deal. Making a positive impression is extremely important as you are a complete stranger at the outset of this process. Put thought into sharing facts and personal anecdotes that give the other person an accurate
sense of your best qualities and character traits. Once we see that there is a possibility of developing a relationship, we move the dating from the head to the heart.
It is at this next stage that we should begin to share more personally. Even at this important juncture, it is only necessary to disclose information that would affect the marriage and your potential life together. Details about our family or other life circumstances that are not essential to a relationship do not need to be discussed, unless you would like to do so. Undoubtedly, there may be extenuating circumstances that must be shared BEFORE the dating begins. This should be done under the spiritual guidance and direction of a Rav or mentor and medical advisement where necessary. If you are advised to share before the dating begins you must certainly do so.
The key is to be not only your true self when you are dating, but the best version of yourself. This can be tricky for those who are honest or dishonest to a fault. How so? The super honest folks feel that not disclosing every aspect of themselves is basically like lying. They overshare and can jeopardize good marriage prospects for themselves. Those who are reticent about being self-revelatory or are more inclined to hide and don’t feel comfortable with a direct honest conversation, struggle to present themselves as they truly are, and a perceptive dater will be wary of what they are hiding.
Presenting yourself in a way that will impress the person you are dating is wise. “Dress to impress” and recognize that a first impression is a lasting one. Be on your best behavior while simultaneously presenting yourself in a genuine and authentic fashion. A false representation can leave you in a bind when the persona you have created does not match
us has maalos, wonderful qualities, and chesronos, questionable aspects of our character. This is our “package” given to us by Hashem. Our life’s work is to use our strengths to develop and strengthen the weaker aspects of our character. We should most definitely work on our middos. If there is an opportunity to reflect and make changes while dating a person we care about and can build a life with, we should be motivated to do so. But, that is a very different set of cards than changing our thoughts, ideas, interests, or physical aspects to suit another person.
There is a method to dating responsibly. With the help of Hashem we will have siyata d’shmaya and many peaceful and successful marriages will be built.
the person you actually are. G-d forbid the person you marry may feel tricked or lied to, and that would be a tragedy.
To be clear: if someone does not like what they see when they date you, they should not marry you. You should never change who you are to please another person. Why not? Simply put, because it is not possible. Every one of
With over 30 years in education as a teacher and a principal, Mrs. Sheindy Gross continues her passion for education by creating a new platform called TEHILA, Torah Education with Heart in LA, for women and girls to receive adult education, camaraderie, and support. In addition to TEHILA, Mrs. Gross provides a myriad of educational opportunities for the community, such as dating and relationship mentoring, Kallah classes, and leadership consulting for educators. Mrs. Gross can be reached at sheindyg@gmail.com.
Agood lawyer knows the law. But a great lawyer knows the judge. This saying goes back many years and is commonly used to illustrate the point that connections in life cannot be overstated. In reality, it is the opposite. Judges are incredibly careful not to allow personal relationships to affect their ability to be impartial. If such a relationship exists, then they will recuse themselves from the case, and state their reasons for doing so on the record. This is because it takes a lot of work and sacrifice to wear the robe, and the last thing a judge will do is jeopardize it by performing a favor. Judges are also instructed to go to great lengths to avoid the appearance of impropriety.
U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has recently come under scrutiny after ProPublica published a series of reports revealing that he did not disclose lavish trips and a land deal with billionaire real estate developer Harlan Crow. Crow also paid for two years of tuition at private schools for Thomas’s grandnephew, which also was not shared on his financial disclosure forms.
In a rare public statement, Justice
“Harlan and Kathy Crow are among our dearest friends, and we have been friends for over twenty-five years. As friends do, we have joined them on a number of family trips during the more than quarter century we have known them. Early in my tenure at the Court, I sought guidance from my colleagues and others in the judiciary, and was advised that this sort of personal hospitality from close personal friends, who did not have business before the Court, was not reportable. I have endeavored to follow that counsel throughout my tenure, and have always sought to comply with the disclosure guidelines. These guidelines are now being changed,
ence responsible for financial disclosure for the entire federal judiciary just this past month announced new guidance. And, it is, of course, my intent to follow this guidance in the future.”
Justice Thomas’ response was not well-received by a large part of the media. Interestingly, this is not the first time a Supreme Court Justice has had to address a financial disclosure issue. In January 1990, Justice William J. Brennan reported on a disclosure form that his friend gave him and his wife each a gift of $10,000 cash and forgave a $120,000 loan. In 2012, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg amended her 2011 report, which “inadvertently omitted” the sale of shares in an exchange-traded fund that she had bought earlier the same year as well as a gift of an opera costume worth $4,500. In 2018, Justice Stephen Breyer reported that he had “inadvertently omitted” two stock sales by his wife. In February 2022, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson amended her 2020 disclosure to note that she had “inadvertently omitted” travel reimbursements for two speaking trips, a university teaching salary, four nonprofit board memberships, her husband’s consulting income, and a 529 college savings plan.
In light of the above, it would seem unfair to single out Justice Thomas. He is the flavor of the month. Nevertheless, this brings to light the issue of the appearance of impropriety.
While it may be lawful or even permissible for a judge to accept certain benefits from a friend over which he is not presiding judgment, it still may not be ideal or appropriate. A Supreme Court judge is supposed to embody the ultimate example of honesty and integrity—the gold standard of justice. It requires living up to standards that go beyond what is merely allowed, to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. Anything short of that will result in the situation that Judge Thomas is facing.
Andrew Jackson said, “All the rights secured to the citizens under the Constitution are worth nothing, and a mere bubble, except guaranteed to them by an independent and virtuous Judiciary.” Justice Thomas needs to keep that in mind before he steps foot on the next private jet or superyacht.
Lou Shapiro is a criminal defense attorney-certified specialist and legal analyst, but most importantly, makes the end-of-shul announcements at Adas Torah. He can be reached at LouisJShapiro@gmail.com.
On Thursday evening, May 4th, a concerned and attentive group listened to a panel Q&A and discussion on the topic of “Hilchos Gittin: Understanding and Supporting an Ethical Divorce in Contemporary Times,” coordinated by the Jewish Divorce Assistance Center (JDAC) of Los Angeles; graciously hosted by Mr. and Mrs. Mike and Alona Horowitz.
The following are takeaways from two attendees.
Founded by Miss Chavi Hertz in 2015, to assist the LA Jewish community navigate the divorce process, JDAC offers free mediation services, and as such is the only such non-profit organization in the United States.
Mrs. Nissel asked the panel to first discuss the history of Jewish divorce over the past 1000 years. Rabbi Revach noted that Rabbeinu Gershon (960-1040 C.E.) enacted two relevant takanos – that a get would henceforth require acceptance by the wife, and that a man could no longer marry more than one woman at the same time. These two takanos provide unprecedented protection for wives. About 150 years later, Rabbeinu Tam (1100-1171) enacted Harchakos, such that if a man refused to give his wife a get in situations where the Bais Din paskened that he should do so, the community would refuse to give him honors (shul membership, aliyos, etc.). Then, 400 years later, the Rema (1530-1572) added to these Harchakos, mandating that the community refuse to give the man’s children a bris mila and refuse to bury him in a Jewish cemetery (but not to place him in nidui or cherem).
Today, Batei Dinim are far weaker. As Rav Union noted, “we are only as strong as the community allows us to be.” As such, the harchakos are rarely used in most communities, and the recalcitrant husband would simply ignore them. Tragically, the process of today’s Jewish divorces is far longer and far more expensive, emotionally draining, and sometimes abusive. Additionally, there are two separate and independent processes, Jewish and secular.
Rav Union admitted that the RCC only does one or two “package deals” per year, in which the Bais Din handles every aspect of a divorce. Usually the RCC is asked to handle the get alone. It’s a shame, he notes, since secular courts do not and cannot consider some serious costs – e.g. tuition and summer camp – due to “church-state separation” requirements. Naturally, such costs are taken into consideration by Batei Din. Mrs. Elishis asked the panel “how do we as a community demystify the Bais Din,” since many of the issues above are criti-
cal, and the greater community remains unaware of them.
Mrs. Nissel asked when the get should be given. All the rabbis answered that it should be given as soon as the decision to separate is made. Rabbi Topp noted that he informs the couple that “it is certainly best to give the get at the beginning; if not, it can be used as a weapon, and that takes away from an amicable process.” He added that Rav Henkin, ZT”L mentioned this. Rav Union answered that “the moment the parties agree to arbitration, RCC will make them give the get.” If one refuses, he tells them they can go to court (not the far more pleasant and less costly arbitration procedure).
The final discussion point surrounded the lack of use of a pre- (or post) nuptial agreements. Rabbi Topp noted that at Beth Jacob, any couple getting married requires a prenuptial agreement. The agreement was first developed by Rav Mordechai Willig, and HBCL”C Rav Gedalia Dov Schwartz, ZT”L.
Rabbi Revach noted that most gedolei haposkim agree to the legitimacy of the prenuptial agreement, including Rav Zalman Nechemia Goldberg, Rav Hershel Schachter, Rav Elazar Meyer Teitz, Rav Ovadia Yosef, Rav Chaim Zimbalist, and Rav Osher Weiss. The biggest concern is that of a coerced get (get me’usah). In the one case he had to deal with, Rav Revach reached out to Rav Shlomo Miller of Toronto; although “he wasn’t excited about it,” Rav Miller did agree that it was acceptable.
Rabbi Union was asked why the “yeshivish” community do not require prenuptial agreements. He replied that if it were up to him, he would set up a table for postnuptial agreement every time a gathering for blood donation or testing for kidney or stem cell donations. As he sees it, there are two issues confronting acceptance. First, the halachic concern noted by Rabbi Revach. In his opinion, the psak of HaRav Moshe Sternbuch, the Ra’avad of the Edah HaChareidis, was based on a misinformed opinion. Rav Sternbuch opined that the payment of $150 was a “k’nas” (penalty), without the input that in the United States
(especially Los Angeles or New York), this figure is barely equivalent to living expenses. The second obstacle is sociologic. We Jews have an aversion to anything new. “I think that in time, it will be more accepted (although not universal),” he opined.
nario lead to using a religious practice for extortion and abuse. In fact, Rabbi Union asserted that once a couple signs an arbitration agreement with the RCC Beis Din, the Get ceremony is scheduled. While Rabbi Topp was adamant that a Get should be given immediately and unconditionally, the other Rabbanim stated that it is halachically permissible for a man to wait until he is ready, as a coerced Get is problematic.
What is a reasonable amount of time? Beth Jacob’s bi-laws only tolerate twelve months plus a three month grace period for a Get to be given (or received) before the recalcitrant party is banned from shul. Mrs. Nissel asserted that this strategy is effective in moving the process forward.
What does an ethical Jewish divorce in 2023 look like? This was the question posed by JDAC panel moderator, Sara Nissel Esq. on May 4th, to a panel consisting of Rabbi Dovid Revah (Adas Torah), Rabbi Kalman Topp (Beth Jacob), Rabbi Avrohom Union (Av Beis Din, RCC), and Yona Elishis, Esq. (JDAC).
The Jewish Divorce Assistance Center (JDAC) of Los Angeles sponsored the event to raise awareness and facilitate open community discussion. JDAC provides free mediation and assistance in navigating the dual process of a civil and Halachic divorce.
Like it or not, divorce in our community is a reality. Judaism allows for divorce and Halacha delineates a divorce process, but the system was designed for an insular community structure. The beauty of America and the religious freedom she affords also means that a marriage is both a religious and civil union. Although the Beis Din can be given power to adjudicate all end of marriage issues, the RCC has an average of one case a year in which arbitration is handled solely in Beis Din. Consequently, the vast majority of divorcing couples are using the Beis Din for their ‘Get’ only, thereby utilizing civil court to finalize all other aspects divorce.
This leads to the ensuing dilemma - If modern divorce is vastly different from what it was historically, how does Halacha adapt to new realities?
The panelists had slightly different views but they agreed that ideally, once a marriage is over, the Get should be given as soon as possible. Delaying the Get can undermine mediation, extend the pain of both parties, exacerbate the stress felt by children and in the worst case sce-
Another tool is the Halachik prenup. When pointedly asked, the panelists agreed that according to the majority of Poskim, the halachic prenup does not create a situation of coercion. It was noted that it is less popular in Agudah communities. When pressed on why, the answer was sociological in nature. The sad truth is that prominent figures will have to experience painful and protracted divorces in their families to clarify the need for this tool. Rabbi Union stated that if it was up to him, every blood drive and kidney donation event would include a table for signing post-nups!
As Rabbi Revah astutely noted (and as he advises his congregants), prolonged and messy divorces produce no champions. The couple, the children, and the community all lose out. These cases end up costing tens of thousands if not millions of dollars leaving the couple exhausted and possibly destitute.
Ultimately, this event sparked conversation. What can community members do? What role should Rabinic leadership play? Can Beis Din encourage swift and fair divorces disallowing space for abuse? Will Beis Din operate with transparency thereby creating receptivity to utilizing its services?
What is undeniable is that we are falling short in our responsibility to support broken families. While bikur cholim, tzedakah, and caring for aveilim demonstrate our community’s strength, divorcěes do not receive equal attention. Mrs. Elishis pointed out that many lonely clients feel abandoned, shame on us. Taking sides is usually unnecessary and judging or extrapolating causes is unquestionably inappropriate. Incidentally, most children spend time with both parents and they certainly deserve kindness regardless of where they are sleeping. As friends and community members we need to realign our values and commit to including and caring for all members of Klal Yisrael.
