RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess WAit LiftinG
I’m a 37-year-old woman, and I’ve always been quick to have sex, but I’m trying to just “date” first. Well, I’ve been on five dates with this one guy, and all we’ve done is kiss. Now I’m beginning to think that he isn’t attracted to me or is put off by my past, which, unfortunately, I was honest about. —Dismayed Try to think of this as artisanal dating. Maybe he’s finished building the bed out of antique Popsicle sticks but his carpal tunnel kicked in while he was killing the flock of ducks for the mattress or spinning the cotton for the sheets. If that sounds like a stretch, well, it’s no more of one than your notion — that the guy’s gone out with you five times because he finds you repellant or stays up nights picturing your sexual past (complete with barricades and rent-a-cops for crowd control). Do you think he’s enrolled in some underground rewards program, like you go out with a woman six times and you get a complimentary latte or maybe an iTunes gift card? Evolutionary psychologists David Buss and David Schmitt point out that “human mating is inherently strategic.” Genetically, they explain, it’s generally in a man’s best interest to pursue a “short-term sexual strategy.” (Scientific journals and tenure committees frown on terms like “hit it and quit it.”) Basically, a man can limit his participation in sex to the fun part and still pass on his genes. Women coevolved to expect men to try for this sort of limited participation (so your bewilderment at his crossed legs isn’t exactly surprising). But a man can come to a point where a “long-term sexual strategy” becomes wiser, and it’s generally when he’s serious about finding a partner and not just a sex partner for the evening. Note that the guy keeps coming to pick you up, and not because he is an Uber driver or is being held at gunpoint by your mother. You could say something to him — maybe “Hey, I was really hoping you’d take me home one of these nights.” This may be the nudge he needs to make a move — or at least tell you what’s up. And sure, it is within the realm of possibility that he has ED, an STD, low sexual desire, or a seriously small penis and is waiting until you’re emotionally attached to break out the news. But it’s also possible that you aren’t the only woman he’s seeing and he’s trying to be adult about it, meaning that he’s learned that many women get emotionally attached after sex. Sleeping with two women is a good way to end up with a girlfriend — and one would-be girlfriend in the bushes with ricin-tipped blow darts or at least searching Yelp for the best-rated local assassins.
AMY ALKON
WutherinG fiGhtS
My friend says that you only find out who somebody truly is when you break up with them. He suggests that I pick a few fights with anybody I’m dating so I can see their true colors. Is this really a wise idea? —Skeptical If you really want to see what a person’s made of, after goading them into a fight, you might do a lung capacity test, like by holding them down and trying to drown them in a bathtub. Though it seems an obviously bad idea to pick petty arguments, your friend has a point — that you don’t find out who somebody really is when the most pressing question they’re asked is, “Do you need a few more minutes to look at the menu, monsieur?” What comes out in the early stages of dating is temperament more than character. In social psychology, temperament is basically what “flavor” a person is — introverted or extraverted, loud or quiet, happy or glum. Character is values-driven behavior — meaning whether a person’s likely to do what’s right as opposed to what’s easiest. (Like if there’s a landslide, do they try to save you or just wave goodbye?) Character is mostly revealed in two ways: over time and through stress. To speed up the character revelation timetable, do challenging activities together — the sort in which “party manners” are hard to maintain: Camp. Go on a highstakes scavenger hunt. Go on a juice fast. Go on a juice fast while camping. Who a person really is can’t help but come out when they’re in the middle of the woods with you, they haven’t eaten solid food in a week, and a hiker walks by with a bag of Doritos. (It’s the little things that count — like how they lovingly brush that telltale orange dust out of your hair before the cops come.) n ©2015, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
64 INLANDER SEPTEMBER 3, 2015
EVENTS | CALENDAR
MUSIC
FRIDAY FAMILY DANCES The evening beings with a potluck, live music, easy dances and laughter. Lines, circles, contras, folk, and square dances are taught by Susan Dankovich. Potluck at 6:30; dancing from 7-8pm. Sep. 4, 6:30-8 pm. Free-will donation. St. John Cathedral, 127 E. 12th. (533-9955) HEIDI KUBAN & FRIENDS: Concert with a dinner-theater option. Sept. 4-5. $10-$25. Circle Moon Theater, Hwy 211 off Hwy 2, Newport. northwoodsperformingarts.com (208-448-1294) SPOKANE SYMPHONY LABOR DAY IN THE PARKS The Symphony’s annual Labor Day Weekend concerts in the park are free to the community and includes a program of classical and popular favorites for all ages. Sep. 5, 6 pm. Free. Pavillion Park, 727 N. Molter Rd. spokanesymphony.org (509-755-6726) CDA SYMPHONY LABOR DAY CONCERT IN THE PARK Bring a lawn chair and a picnic for this family event at the City Park Rotary Bandshell. Sep. 7, 1 pm. Free. Coeur d’Alene City Park, 415 W. Mullan Rd. cdasymphony.org SPOKANE SYMPHONY LABOR DAY IN THE PARKS The Symphony’s annual Labor Day Weekend concerts in the park are free to the community and include a program of classical and popular favorites. Sep. 7, 6 pm. Free. Comstock Park, 29th Ave. and Howard St. spokanesymphony.org JAZZ BENEFIT CONCERT An evening of Brazilian voice, jazz guitar, and virtuoso bass in a benefit concert for the Inland NW Food Network. Award winning musicians Max Hatt and Edda Glass will be accompanied by acclaimed jazz artist Clipper Anderson. Sep. 9, 7-10 pm. $25. The Cellar, 317 E. Sherman, CdA. inwfoodnetwork.org (503-307-4505) CELTIC RHYTHYM WITH FLOATING CROWBAR Spokane-based, multiinstrumentalists Don Thomsen and James Hunter join forces with guitarist Rick Rubin and fiddler Morgan Andersen to form the configuration known as Floating Crowbar. Sep. 10, 6:30-7 pm. Free. Spokane Valley Library, 12004 E. Main. (509-893-8400) PIANIST IVANA COJBASIC A solo piano concert featuring the internationally recognized soloist and collaborative musician based in Spokane. Dr. Cojbasic currently teaches piano at Whitworth and to private students. She also collaborates with the Spokane Symphony and the Symphony Choral. Sep. 11, 7 pm. Free. Steinway Piano Gallery, 13418 E. Nora Ave. (327-4266) TALL PINE PARK MUSIC FESTIVAL An afternoon of music for all ages. Park located at Highway 291 and Villier Rd., at milepost 17 (just west of Lakeside Middle School in the Suncrest community.) Free parking; no Discover Pass required. Sep. 12, 1-4 pm. Free. Tall Pines Park, Highway 291 at milepost 17. lakespokaneparks.org/tall-pines-park.html
SPORTS & OUTDOORS
BIKE MAINTENANCE BASICS Routine bike maintenance keeps you riding smoothly and prolongs the life of your bike. Join us for this introductory class to help you take care of your bike. Sept. 3, 7-8:30 pm. Free. REI, 1125 N. Monroe. rei.com/spokane (328-9900)
SPOKANE INDIANS VS. EVERETT AQUASOX Three-game series, the last of the home season. Sept. 1-3, at 6:30 pm. Season finale fireworks show on Sept. 3. $5-$20. Avista Stadium, 602 N. Havana. spokaneindiansbaseball.com MT. SPOKANE TO SPIRIT LAKE RIDE The invitation-only bike ride takes riders 25 miles downhill from Mt. Spokane to Spirit Lake. Sep. 6. Mt. Spokane State Park, 26107 N. Mt. Spokane Park Dr. 3443club.com (208-263-5130) MAP & COMPASS NAVIGATION CLASS Learn basic navigation skills using map and compass to find your way during an in-store class that teaches the parts of a compass, how to read a topographic map and how to use them in tandem. Sep. 10, 6:30-8:30 pm. $30-$50. REI, 1125 N. Monroe St. rei.com/spokane HIKE TO PYRAMID & BALL LAKES John Harbuck leads a family-friendly, 5-mile hike into Pyramid and Ball Lakes. Registration required. Sep. 11, 8 am-5 pm. Free. Bonners Ferry, Idaho, North Idaho. idahoconservation.org (208-265-9565) DOVER BAY 5K-9 A 5k fun run/walk in Dover Bay for the entire family. Proceeds benefit the Panhandle Animal Shelter and the animals it serves. Sep. 12, 9 amnoon. $25/adults, $10/kids. Dover Bay Resort, 651 Lakeshore Ave. facebook. com/doverbay5k9 (208-946-0226) GLOW IN THE PARK The second annual nighttime glow run, a 5K through the park kicking off with a pre-party with games, dancing and an after party. Proceeds benefit the Boys and Girls Club of Spokane County. Sep. 12, 6 pm. $12$49. Riverfront Park, 705 N. Howard St. nsplit.com/glow-run-spokane HIGH STAKES: MAYWEATHER VS. BERTO Boxing superstars Floyd “Money” Mayweather (48-0, 26 KOs) and Andre Berto (30-3, 23 KOs) go headto-head on the big screen in what is expected to be the final fight of Mayweather’s illustrious 19-year career. Sept. 12 at 5 pm. At Regal Cinemas Northtown and Riverstone (CdA). Sep. 12. $26.25. Regal Cinemas, 4750 N. Division. (509-482-0209) HIKE TO WEST FORK LAKE Join ICL’s Susan Dumheller on a 7-mile roundtrip, moderately difficult hike into West Fork Lake with the possibility of going up to West Fork Mountain. Registration required. Sep. 12, 8 am-5 pm. Free. Bonners Ferry, Idaho, North Idaho. idahoconservation.org (208-265-9565) MARCH FOR THE FALLEN Sign up for a 5K, 10K or 15K run, or the 15K march. The annual event honors all of Washington’s fallen military members, with all proceeds donated to local veterans groups. Sep. 12, 8 am-4 pm. $30. Riverside State Park, Spokane. marchforthefallen.com NEWPORT BIAYAKATHON A fastpaced kayak and bike race along the Pend Oreille River. Sep. 12, 10 am-noon. $25. biaykathon.com (509-447-6417) NORTHWEST CORNHOLE CHAMPIONSHIP A competition hosted by Rock 103 FM and MickDuff’s, with a double elimination tournament format. Open to teams of 8, with a min. of 8 teams and a max of 32 teams. Ages 21+. Winner gets a cash prize, with other prizes awarded through the event. Sep. 12, noon. $50/team. MickDuff’s Brewing Company, 312 N. First, Sandpoint. on.fb. me/1hZnsLf (208-209-6700) SYSA QUICK RIP RUGBY A non-contact, flag version of rugby, straight from New Zealand, for boys and girls grades
9-12. Meets Saturdays from 4-6 pm, Sept. 12-Oct. 31. Free. Andrew Rypien Field, 3501 N. Regal St. sysaquickriprugby.com (536-1800) SYSA ROOKIE RUGBY Rookie Rugby is a new, non-contact version of rugby. SYSA’s Rookie Rugby program is for boys and girls, grades 1-8. Meets Saturdays from 2-4 pm, Sept. 12-Oct. 31. $65. Andrew Rypien Field, 3501 N. Regal St. sysarookierugby.com (536-1800)
THEATER
MOSCOW ART THEATRE (TOO): TIGERS BE STILL A comedy that follows the misadventures of Sherry Wickman, a young woman who has recently earned her masters degree in art therapy only to find herself moving back home with her family and waiting for the job offer that never comes. Through Sept. 6, Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $8-$12. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main St. kenworthy.org (208-882-4127) TREAT YO’SELF An ice cream social and night of entertainment, featuring performances of vignettes from each of the six plays in our 70th season. Also includes a raffle/silent auction. Sep. 11, 7 pm. $5/person. Spokane Children’s Theatre, 2727 N. Madelia. spokanechildrenstheatre.org
VISUAL ARTS
2015 FINE ARTS FACULTY EXHIBITION This biennial exhibition is an opportunity for visitors and WSU students to see the Fine Arts Faculty’s skills and theories put to practice in a diverse array of styles and media. Through Sept. 26, opening reception Sept. 3, from 6-8 pm. Museum open Mon-Sat, 10 am-4 pm and Thu until 7 pm. Free and open to the public. Museum of Art/WSU, Wilson Road, Pullman. museum.wsu.edu MOSCOW FIRST THURSDAY The city of Moscow’s monthly community arts celebration, featuring art displays around the downtown area, live music and more. Monthly on the first Thursday, from 5-8 pm. See Facebook page for complete details. Downtown Moscow. facebook.com/moscowfirsthursday SANDPOINT ARTWALK 2015 The summertime arts tradition involves local businesses and galleries hosting art from the juried exhibition through Sept. 11. The public can view art during each business’s operating hours; each location listed on the event brochure with walking map. artsinsandpoint.org ARTS BUZZ A time to learn what arts and culture-related activities are in the works for the Cd’A area. Held on the first Friday of each month, at 9 am, in the chamber’s conference room. CdA Chamber of Commerce, 1031 N. Academic Way. artsincda.org (208-664-3194) FIRST FRIDAY Art galleries and businesses across Spokane host monthly receptions to showcase new displays of art. Receptions are held on the first Friday of the month, from 5-8 pm. For complete event details, the Inlander provides a comprehensive listing of all First Friday events at Inlander.com/ FirstFriday. PENNY MCCURDY & JUDY JEFFREY The two regional artists display their work in a co-exhibition, Sept. 4-21. Reception Sept. 4, from 4-7 pm; gallery open Mon, Wed, Fri from 9 am-4 pm, also during events and by appointment. Cutter Theatre, 302 Park St., Metaline