ALOPECIA & ME: GINA ATINUKE KNIGHT

From the professionals, there was also a sense of “well, it’s just hair” Hair is important, especially in this society I understand that my GP might not have known the answers but they could have referred me to a specialist or acknowledged the trauma of losing my hair

I began doing my own research, which I probably shouldn t have Dr Google diagnoses you with the worst of the worse Type in “hair loss” and “ pregnancy ” and google tells you that you definitely have syphilis That made my situation worse because not only was I losing hair I was also suffering with postnatal depression

Eventually I found out I had Central Centrifugal Cicatricial Alopecia (CCCA) CCCA is a type of hair loss that predominantly affects black people

CCCA progresses slowly but is a scarring form of alopecia meaning you cannot treat it and eventually it will spread until there is no hair left It is crazy that because CCCA is so prevalent in black people, CCCA is under researched Maybe if this was happening to another demographic there would be more research CCCA used to be called “hot comb alopecia” Yes, hot comb alopecia People thought the way the hot comb touched the scalp resulted in this type of alopecia by burning or harming the follicle Of course with more research information and awareness people that did not use hot combs or relaxers were also seeing this type of hair loss

Knowing I had CCCA was a huge relief The diagnosis was almost healing however I was initially nervous talking about my CCCA as I felt people would blame me I felt fraudulent

At the time I was advising people about how to manage and grow their hair, yet I was losing my own hair Eventually, I started speaking publicly about my hair loss and why I was wearing clip-ins and wigs I got so many messages from people experiencing hair loss and realised I wasn’t the only one It was therapeutic It wasn’t a negative experience My story has come full circle Now I help people that have suffered hair loss It is a lesson learnt that I can share with others

Typically, I had many people try to cure me I don’t know what it is with African women but we love to tell people to just “rub something on your scalp”

Naturally, my relationship with my hair changed From being really proud of my natural hair to losing all my hair was an identity crisis Who was I without my hair?

Natural hair had a significant role on my upbringing because I was raised by a white family When I was in my 20's living in London, my hair gave me meaningful connections because as a child I lived in an area that was whiter than white When I went home it was difficult because I was Nigerian, but at the same time I wasn’t Really who was I?

My hair was the defining factor that allowed me to connect with other black women and I built community around my hair When I lost my hair, I felt I lost my identity and community I thought that my natural hair was my blackness Losing my hair forced me to deal with issues as to why I felt that way I had to redefine myself I realised that regardless of whether I had hair or not, I still had my identity and community I realised that I had other qualities outside of my hair I am a mother I am a partner I am a business woman I am a friend I am a sister I didn’t need to be defined by one factor Growing up I was always the adopted black girl raised by white people Breaking away from that, I fell into another label The girl that blogs about natural hair Now, whilst I do talk about my hair, my alopecia is not my whole life It is not a label that defines who I am My mindset has changed which has been significantly healing

Ultimately, I realised that I’m still Gina, I’m still black, I’m still me With or without my hair