HOLIDAY OR HOLIDATE?
Breaking news: McKenna does have a boo… and he is most definitely spending the holidays with her.
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pending the holidays with my significant other is nothing new for me but it may be new for some. Being with your partner over the holidays is genuinely one of the most bonding experiences you two could share.
Not only is the whole family there but you get to see how your partner interacts with their family, and let me tell ya… that can be interesting. I have been with a guy who had no relationship with their family but I have also been with a guy who was a huge family man. I'm not hating on either one of these dynamics. I totally understand that not everyone is BFF’s with their family but the holidays can definitely bring out some unidentified issues within the family system. My current man has a pretty rocky relationship with his family, and this can be heightened during the Winter season because of all the holiday festivities that are so surrounded by family. So how do you support your significant other during that?
1 Don’t push them to go to their family’s house for the holidays.
Allow your partner to handle the situation in their own way. If they don’t want to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with their family then support them and invite them to your family’s festivities and make them feel welcomed and included. Not everyone is as tight with their family, and some may have residual trauma from their family dynamic, so always be supportive.
2 Ask how they are doing, but don’t pity them the whole day. What I mean by this is that some may feel out of place that they aren’t spending the holidays with their family and you continuously asking them how
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they are doing, will make them feel more like a charity case. Ask your partner once how they are feeling and if you can do anything for them and what they need from you today, and then leave it at that. Make the day as loving and joyous as possible.
3 If they do want to go to their families and you know it’s going to be a shit show… go anyway.
If your S/O wants to attempt a get together at their family’s place that is a step in the right direction and you should totally be supportive. It’s not an easy thing to hang out with your family when there is a lot of tension there, so praise your partner for even trying. If the get-together goes sideways keep your cool because your partner probably won't. This is something I struggle with. I hate to see my guy upset from something a family member said but I have to remember that by me being calm and collected will also help him calm down. Don’t insert yourself into a family situation, it will never end well. Just be an ear to listen and ask your partner what YOU can DO to help in being supportive.
4 DO NOT take anything personally from your partner when they are upset during the holidays.
If you are really close with your family it may be difficult for you to understand what it’s like to have conflict within a family system. On the holidays these emotions can come out in several different ways and they may even come out sideways on you. Don’t take how your partner is acting personally, they are hurting and projecting and nine times out of 10 it has nothing to do with you. If they are grumpy and not as enthusiastic as you on Christmas just give them a hug, tell them you appreciate them, and let them know you’re here if they want to talk. The moral of the story in all of this is that being supportive and empathetic toward your partner will get you FAR in a relationship. Just remember that the holidays aren’t a loving time of the year for everyone, so be sensitive and be grateful for all you have this year. BY Mckenna Leavens
