The Black Sheep
Fr ee ea ... l tin ike g me the at par on en go tal od gu fr ilt id of ay .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 6, Issue 6 • 3/28/13 - 4/10/13
theblacksheeponline.com @black_sheep_wmu
prank war of the century "just getting started" Hannah Weyer wrote this
KALAMAZOO, MI. You wouldn’t know by looking at it, but the house shared by WMU juniors Wyatt Orr and Caleb Wieczorek and their two roommates is the field of battle for the “Prank War of the Century.” Behind closed doors rages a relentless clash of prank giants. So far, casualties have included a down comforter, a sofa, three romantic relationships, a job, countless homework assignments and the renters’ security deposit. And according to Orr, it’s “just getting started.” When asked how the steadily worsening conflict began, Orr laughed and shrugged. “[Wieczorek] left his computer open on his Facebook,” Orr said. “What did you expect me to do?” September 5, 2012, Caleb Wieczorek briefly left his computer open to his Facebook page while paying and chatting with the pizza delivery guy. Orr, who had been friends with Wieczorek since freshman year, took the opportunity to update his roommate’s status to: “OMG just bought Coldplay’s newest album!!!! They fuggin ROCK!” Wieczorek remembers the event with amusement. “My sister called that night to tell me off. I guess it was a pretty funny joke. Weak, but cute. Of course, I couldn’t let that stand. I retaliated.” What followed has been nearly seven months of titfor-tat pranking. Orr changed Wieczorek’s Facebook status, so Wieczorek texted obscene pictures to Orr during his political science class. Orr responded by replacing Wieczorek’s deodorant with molded cream cheese- Wieczorek gave Orr a caramel-covered onion for Halloween. Orr glued bang-snaps to the bottom of Wieczorek’s toilet seat, Wieczorek added hair bleach to Orr’s shampoo. “The first few months were pretty fun,” Wieczorek remembers. “Have you ever filled your friend’s hand with whipped cream while he slept and then tickled his nose? I mean, I know it sounds silly, but those first few months were kind of fun.” “Like being 8 again,” Orr said. “Oh, if only we could go
back to the time when I filled a garbage can with water and put it against Caleb’s door so when he opened it in the morning he got all wet. Those times were the best times.” Orr and Wieczorek’s roommates agree. “At first, we thought it was just this harmless little inside joke in the house,” said senior Jude Mazza. “Rick [Stavros] and I even helped Wyatt hide Caleb’s mattress and replace it with an inflatable pool one night before he brought his [now ex] boyfriend home. Now THAT was hilarious!” “But now…” Mazza shook his head. “Somewhere along the line,” junior Stavros said, “things went horribly wrong.” By all accounts, shit got real mid-February, during Valentine’s Day. “Maybe we should have set up some ground rules,” Wieczorek said, “but I think that would have killed the spontaneity a bit. Anyway, Kathy [Orr’s now exgirlfriend] didn’t think it would have such dire consequences.” While Orr filled one Sweetwater’s donut in a half dozen with mayonnaise on February 14th, Wieczorek conspired with Kathy Greenwood to convince his roommate that Greenwood was pregnant with his child. “She was awesome,” Wieczorek laughed. “Fake tears, prank pregnancy test, fake morning sickness, the works! Theater majors, man. They do not mess around.” “I didn’t stop driving until I hit Windsor,” Orr remembered bitterly. “And gas ain’t cheap. I missed an anthropology exam and everything. Also, Kathy freaked out and dumped me pretty hard.” “That whole ride back [to Kalamazoo] I could only think of one thing,” Orr added. “Vengeance.”
Top 10: Reasons to Support Same-Sex Marriage if only because your gay best friend's wedding is going to be a total blast.
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“He convinced me to go to Sindecuse with him to get tested for STDs,” said Wieczorek. “Used his buddy’s phone to tell me I had herpes. Dean [Erdman] dumped me when I told him. When the clinic called the next day to tell me I was clean, I just about killed Wyatt, dude.” Since then, the Prank War has leveled up several times with no end in sight. “Stop?” said Orr. “Are you kidding me? Caleb sent my mom a giant double-ended dildo for her birthday last week from me. I can’t just let that go unpunished!” “I’ll stop when he stops,” Wieczorek said. “He’s the one that started it!” Kalamazoo’s resident pranksters have tips for students this April Fool’s Day. “The secret is Gorilla Glue,” Orr said. “A few wellplaced dabs of that and hello, Baldy.”
“If you’re the only one in the house that drinks whiskey,” Wieczorek advised The Black Sheep, “do not keep it where the guy you cock-blocked can find it.” Said Orr, “If you have an odd phobia, like, for example, squirrels, keep that shit on the DL.” “It’s REALLY easy to set up a fake Gmail account and a disposable phone,” Wieczorek said. “If you can get your girl voice just right, you can trick your buddy into a fake relationship with a Canadian chick he met during spring break.” “If your roommate is gay, you can get a dude from Iowa you met in Myrtle Beach to give him the number to a disposable phone and trick him into a fake relationship,” said Orr. “Pro tip,” said Jude Mazza. “If your roommates are accidentally having phone sex with each other every other night, don’t get involved.” “Trust us,” Stavros added. “This is gonna be hilarious.”
what'’s inside
Who's Your Daddy?
are you smarter than
We take a look at television dads (who are still not as awesome as our dads).
Erica from Bilbo's knows what Brick Tamland loves… do you?
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