Western Michigan Fall Issue 8 - 11/29/12

The Black Sheep Presents the fun AND games fInals issue Volume 5, Issue 8 11/29/12 - 12/7/12

theblacksheeponline.com @black_sheep_wmu

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Sexy Anagrams

BLITZEN GETTIN’ BLITZED!!!!!!!!!!! #HEOLO’d!!!!!

(Want to become famous next week? Awesome.)

Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com

word of the week Gas Has Rye

Synch Keen Yen

Do you know who these celebrity hotties are?

Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!

quipster:

A person who uses outdated phrases in an attempt to be amusingly ironic.

“What do you mean you think I sound like an idiot? Well how ‘bout you just go talk to the hand, ‘cuz this face don’t wanna hear it?”

page 4

the black sheeps poetic holiday poems

TBS STAFF wrote this

Last Night on Campus Ashley Wall 'Twas the night after finals, so all throughout campus Everyone was celebrating over no-worry madness.

Brown bags and bare legs were exposed to the air, In hopes that WMU PD wouldn’t care.

theblacksheeponline.com

From the Streets Got a question you want us to ask?

FTS@theblacksheeponline.com

how will you continue your college lifestyle at home?

"Oh, I’m not. My mom would kill me."

- Marissa.

Only losers were nestled all snug in their beds, With visions of top grades dancing in their heads.

But for you the profs and classes were finally done, So you decided to have one last bit of fun.

You and your roommate invite friends in advance To drink and be merry and play Dance, Dance!

So as the night grows later and the girls become hotter, The drinks will be stronger and you’ll start to totter.

Yet out in the hall there arises a clatter, And you’ll spring from the floor to see what is the matter.

Away to the door you’ll stumble and crash, Scattering bottles and stepping over white trash.

As the door swings open, you will quiver in fright, For the sound is a knocker struck with great might.

Your mind will whirl but you’ll know you are done When you see glaring eyes and hear, “Hello, Son.”

Hopping Through the Bars on the Last Night Phil McCracken This place I’ve seen before, I thinkIt feels familiar before I blink.

Perhaps the smell I thought I knewAch, okay, another drink.

No, this might be someplace new, The bar I remember is all blue And smells like underwear and cake.

I don’t smell that cake. Do you?

The Booze Hannah Weyer Vodka, vodka, burning white, The liquid core of our last night.

How the Russians crafted thee Is a miracle to the bourgeoisie.

In what dizzy tequila skies First arose that sweet Sunrise?

With whom did the Green Fairy first dance In an absinthe tango, sans his pants?

Who was the first to discover how dear Is German, Canadian and American beer?

Daniels and Morgan, our good friends JackWho gave you everything our little lives lack?

That reminds me- we should bake A “Merry Christmas, K-Zoo!” cake!

No? Well what do you think we should do?

It’s the last night to make a big mistake!

No, I didn’t mean that we should screw.

But let’s find something just as tabooWe’ve only hours left in K-Zoo, Hours until we leave K-Zoo.

Cocktail, cocktail, hooch and boozeWhat have we got left to lose?

Come and party! Help us lightBut mostly black out- our last night!

Make your last night on campus count and begin preparing for next semester celebrations!

Happy Holidays from The Black Sheep!

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the seek n find

The Black Sheep's Millennial Nativity: Can you find all ten contemporary idols in this nativity scene? If St. Jar Jar answers your prayers, send in your answers to answers@theblacksheeponline.com and we'll send you some sweet swag!

The Top 10

page 6

theblacksheeponline.com

Things Not To Do In A Campus Bathroom

How to Get Arrested During Finals Week Hannah Weyer wrote this

Knowing what you know about college’s real Hell Week, you’re desperate for an alternative.

We definitely are. But it’s not like you can just hop a train to California and live out the rest of your days trading cans for drugs and exposing yourself to strangers. That would be ridiculous.

But you can spend finals week far away from any exams, books or pressure, making drug connections and exposing yourself to strangers.

“But how?” you ask. “How can I experience that paradise instead of memorizing tables until my eyeballs leak periodically?” Simple. Just get arrested. Jail has none of the stresses of ordinary life. You don’t have to read. You don’t have to study. You don’t actually have to do anything! You can just sit in a warm room, doodling obscenities on the walls and watching strangers poop. It’s like jail read your diary! You don’t even have to pay for any of it, you drain on society’s resources, you!

Let’s go though the best ways to get arrested during Finals Week in Kalamazoo!

Swim in the Fountain: While this may be easier during the spring semester, the additional effort will pay dividends in time. The Miller Fountain has been drained for the year, so you have to bring your own liquid. We recommend robbing liquor stores for 740 gallons of cheap vodka and a lemon slice to garnish. Pour the vodka in quickly, because the cops on campus are a bit touchy about their precious fountain. If you go quick enough, you can get a couple vodka laps in before they take you away!

Pee on the Whale: Here’s a fun game! Start in the Bernhard Center. Call the police to report some hooligan peeing on that awful concrete whale in front of the school. Run. If you can reach and finish peeing on the whale before the cops get there to arrest you, you win! If not, you’ll be arrested and you win! Best game ever!

Nudity: This one is our favorite. Meet your study group in the library to memorize factoids about French colonialism in Africa. Just when you’ve covered cultural repression vis-à-vis language, stand up and strip down. Take your seat again.

When the cops come, scream at the top of your lungs that you’re sorry, you thought this was America.

Illegal Profit: If you have a Ritalin prescription, you have friends during finals week. Profit from these friends by charging $20 a pop. You don’t need your brain meds where you’re going. If for some reason you don’t get caught, try selling weed and alcohol to minors. Kalamazoo has no shortage of the little shits just running around sober. Correct God’s greatest mistake by selling them the can of PBR that’s been at the back of your fridge since the last tenant moved out.

They don't care, they’re kids! They can’t tell the difference between a warm beer and Stephanie Meyer’s stale pee!

Serenade your Girlfriend: A sweet and thoughtful gesture everywhere else, in Kalamazoo it is illegal to serenade your girlfriend. Stand outside her window with a karaoke machine and just wait to be apprehended. Imagine all the tail you’ll get on the outside - you’re the bad boy every girl wants, but you’re a bad boy for love. Tell your tale at the bar and try not to drown in the sploosh.

Witchcraft: There is a legend that the cremated remains of President Paul Sangren and his wife, Flossie (seriously), are stored somewhere in the dungeons of Sangren Hall. They’ve been moved somewhere in New Sangren, as their previous home is scheduled for demolition. That means you have two trapped, restless, annoyed ghosts in New Sangren, just waiting to be summoned and set upon the mortal realm like demons of knowledge and ridiculous names. There is no possible way calling their spirits forth could go wrong. Find the ashes, steal the ashes, summon the ghosts under premise of help with studying, release the ghosts. We’re pretty sure that’ll get you thrown in jail; horror movies don’t really show the legal repercussions of disturbing the vengeful dead.

The Black Sheep feels your pain, and it’s our mission to make your college experience as fun and painless as possible. So if you find it impossible to avoid your final exams, cheer up - we’ll totally knock a few back with you after they’re done.

10.) Pee on the Seat: Guys, seriously, they make urinals for a reason. Girls, if you pee on the seat then congrats, you’ve achieved the impossible. High fives all around, though don’t expect one from us, you unsanitary bitch.

9.) Eat Lunch: There’s no reason you should be in a situation where you have to eat your lunch while in the restroom. That Subway sandwich can wait in line as you finish up clearing out your lower intestine, you sick soul.

8.) Talk on the Phone: For god’s sake, please get off of the phone when you enter a restroom. We don’t want to hear your stupid conversation about how Sally won’t have sex with you because she thinks you’re already hooking up with Martha. Please, keep all conversation to a minimum, especially if you try to…

7.) Talk to the Person in the Stall Next to You: This seems like something no one would ever do in the history of ever, but there are some weird assholes who want to socialize during an intimate moment on the toilet. Bring a book, text someone, but whatever you do, never ever talk to someone else during this very private ritual.

6.) Sing or Hum: Don’t be that annoying asshole who hums “Some Nights” by FUN. Interjecting moans of pain as your sideways poop nugget plops out of your ass ruins an already tired song for good.

5.) Vomit: If you’re too hungover to go to class, don’t go. And guess who has to clean your puke up? Poor custodians. And don’t cover your puke with toilet paper; it’ll harden to the puke and turn into an impenetrable rock with crystal-strength that no one can get off the tiles of the bathroom.

4.) Change Your Clothes: Do this for yourself. You’ve seen what goes on in public bathrooms (note: much of the above), do you really want to subject your business wear to the perils of poop particles?

3.) Shave Your Pubes: We should run DNA tests on those culprits who think this is acceptable communal bathroom practice. Then we can have government agents secretly become their friend, grow, grow out their pubes for one year and shave that massive bush all over their face while the culprit sleeps. We’ll call them the Pube Patrol.

2.) Have Sex: Do not have sex in campus bathrooms. It sounds fun, but you’re doing a major disservice to everyone else. You essentially waste an entire bathroom for something you could be doing at home. In a bed. With blankets. And your roommates listening in. You know how many people are going to want to use your love cave for the purpose it was intended for? A lot. Now no one can the poop they wanted to take and you have in turn ruined everyone’s day.

1.) Masturbate: As much as we want to think this never happens on campus, it has to happen. People masturbate in public bathrooms, and that’s horrible. Just think about all the man-goo that’s painted toilet seats you’ve sat on in your life. You’ll never use a public restroom again.

TBS Staff wrote this

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page 9

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are you smarter than?

Engineering Major Winston Lewis 1) United States History Lee Harvey Oswald assassinated President John F. Kennedy from this Dallas location in 1963.

Answer: "Dallas, Texas."

2) Food The Trinidad Moruga Scorpion is currently the world's hottest chili. Chili heat is measured in these units.

Answer: “I had no idea they measured that… Killacelciusheit?”

3) Geography These plates' edges are found at fault lines around the world. What huge pieces or rock make up the Earth's crust?

Answer: “Tectonic plates. I was going to say Teutonic Knights, who were also geographically defined and also probably kicked rocks around at some point. ” 4) Math Describe the radius, diameter and circumference of a circle.

Radius: Center of a circle to any point of the circle.

Diameter: It’s twice the radius.

Circumference: The length of the perimeter.

5) Technology The daguerreotype was the first commercially successful method of this.

Answer: “Okay dag sounds like dagger, daggers kill people, so I’m gonna say it’s the first machine to kill someone with a dagger.”

6) Entertainment Kurt Russell and Nick Nolte -- among others -- failed to land a role as this iconic science fiction character.

Answer: “There’s a lot of sci-fi characters out there… Doctor Who Solo Kirk?”

7) Literature This author of the acclaimed novel Infinite Jest is beloved by hipsters and academics alike.

Answer: “William Shakespeare.”

8) World Religion Medina is the second holiest city in the Islam faith. Which city is considered the holiest?

Answer: “Somewhere in in the Middle East. Either that or Las Vegas.”

9) Biology What is Ribonucleic Acid more commonly known as?

Answer: “RNA” 10) Current Events Name the former Director of the CIA that was forced to resign in light of an extramarital affair.

Answer: “I know it wasn’t Jason Bourne.… Jones is a common name. Mr Jones.”

correct answers 1) Texas School Book Depository 2) Scoville Units 3) Tectonic plates 4) Radius is from a point on the outside of a circle to it's center, diameter is the distance across a circle, and circumference is the distance around a circle.

5) Photography 6) Han Solo 7) David Foster Wallace 8) Mecca 9) RNA 10) General David Petraeus

winston's score: 3/10 correct

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the madlib

Buster’s Wish List

Dear Santa,

1.) adjective

21.) same noun

This year I have been a very __1__ Bronco, and I would like you to plan accordingly for __2__. First off, though, I’d like to give you some notes on last year’s performance.

2.) December holiday

22.) verbs

3.) number

23.) color

1) Last year, I received __3__ __4__. You seem to think that I like them. I do not. You may have gotten my list mixed up with __5__ because I know that he likes them. Please fix this problem.

4.) clothing item

24.) Number

5.) rival mascot

25.) Beverage

2) I realize how little time you have to get from __6__ to here, but really. Last year I stayed up until __7__ so I could catch you and say hi, but you didn’t come until after I’d fallen asleep. I’d even made you a Welcome __8__ with my own two hooves.

6.) another country

26.) Verb

7.) a time

27.) negative Adjective

3) I worked all __9__ on those __10__ and you only nibbled on the corner of one. That’s very __11__ of you.

8.) food item

28.) favorite My Little

9.) Timeframe

Pony

10.) same as 7

29.) ADJECTIVE

1) I would like a/n __15__ CD. Not __16__, mind you. I like to listen to music without my __17__ bleeding.

2) I want __18__ dollars. It’s the __19__ gift.

3) I want a __20__, but not a regular __21__. I want one that __22__ and is __23__.

4) 24 bottles of __25__. I have to __26__ with my family later that day.

5) Your “Naughty” list, including contact information. I won’t lie; an endless list of __27__ ladies seems like the perfect gift.

6) I want a __28__ doll and all the accessories. And I don’t want you to judge me. DON’T JUDGE ME, __29__ MAN! 7) Peace in __30__. But if that’s too difficult, I’ll settle for a/n __31__.

8) A championship in __32__.

11.) Adjective

30.) Country

12.) Adjective

31.) Noun

13.) December holiday

32.) Sport

14.) clothing item in 4

33.) large number

15.) Awesome band

34.) adjective

16.) awful Canadian

35.) number

Santa, I realize there are __33__ kids in the world, so I’d be very __34__ if you took care of my list before theirs. In return, I will sacrifice __35__ __36__ to your eternal glory, or the equivalent in __37’s__ __38s__.

teenage pop singer

36.) animals

17.) body part

37.) rival school’s

__39__, Buster Bronco

18.) number

38.) nouns

19.) adjective

39.) Closing

Please take these complaints into consideration- I know how __12__ customer satisfaction is to you. I’m also attaching my __13__ gift list. Note the absence of __14__.

20.) noun

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Crazy Uncle Jackson’s $20 Gift Basket Bonanza!!!

Hi there, it’s your favorite crazy uncle here, Andrew Jackson! When I’m not busy being the long-dead seventh President of the United States, I’m all about saving college students some money.

Why, in my day those crazy college kids, they where the best—they’d rub a piss-soaked sheepskin in a scotsman’s face and call it a Tuesday! Now, you’re getting ahead of yourself ole’ Andrew, you’re on the $20, and that’s ‘bout all kids got to spend on gifts this holidee season, so what can ya’ll kids get, and for whom?

For the Very Virginal

For the Super Study Buddy

For the Rowdy Roommate

Wallflower, shy guy, “Hey, isn’t that the guy who had his face mangled by a rabid squirrel?”, whatever he’s called, it’s all shorthand for, “This dude has certainly never felt the carnal pleasures of a woman.” He knows it, you know it, and he knows you know it. This holiday season give him some pep in his step by providing him a gift pack that screams, “Please stop making it difficult to discuss sex in front of you and just go get laid already.”

If she wouldn’t have lent you her notes for every exam, quiz, paper, recitation, essay, response, presentation, lab, practical and speech that evil teacher in your should-be-easy elective assigned, you’d be jerking off lion tamers in tht circus for spare coins right now. You may not like her, but you need her. How does one say, “Same time next semester?” without coming off like a selfish prick?

The first time Kevin punched a hole in the wall was funny.

The second time it was irritating. When he lit the carpet on fire and then peed it out, you finally lost it. Maybe you haven’t spoke to him since September, but a holiday gift basket would be the backhanded holiday season gesture to rekindle that fire. No, not the one on the carpet.

1 Pint of shitty vodka ($4) When he finally gets to pop that cherry, he’s not going to want to remember any of it.

1 Trojan Pleasures Extended 3-pack ($5) Even Old Faithful blushes when he erupts too early.

1 Pocket Kama Sutra ($6) Yes, page one has the missionary position on it.

14gb MircoSD Card ($4) He needs to learn from his mistakes, of which there will be many, so he needs something to store the play-by-play data.

For the Brokest of Bros He’d be the life of the party if he could ever afford to attend one. Instead, when he does scrape a few bucks together he nabs a handle of the cheapest vodka he can find and watches his one DVD, a stolen copy of Pocahontas, by himself. Hobos are giving this dude change.

1 Maruchan Top Ramen Chicken 6-pack ($1.50) He may say he’s so thin because it makes the ladies love him, but you see the way he eyes your nuggets like a feral dog.

Dude’s starving.

1 12oz bottle of Sriracha sauce ($3) Everything he eats may taste like shit, but there are ways to mask gross flavors, ask any sorostitute who’s used flavored condoms.

2 Months of NetFlix streaming ($9) The first month may be free, but the second month, in the lonely, cold dregs of February, will allow him to cozy up to the warmth of Ron Swanson’s fiery moustache.

1 Charmin Ultra Soft 4-pack ($6) Crap goes in, crap comes out, angrily. Might as well have the fluffiest bouncers imaginable guarding the exit, making sure everyone leaves in an orderly fashion.

1 Starbucks gift card ($5) She’ll need a latte to stay up late if she’s going to finish that chemistry lab write-up for you by morning.

1 Study Smart, Study Less: Earn Higher Grades and Better Test Scores ($8) If Rachel doesn’t study harder, how are you going to stay in school AND go out every Wednesday night?

1 Post-it tags ($4) She needs to bookmark the important pages, so you can know which pages are important.

1 Funky Star sticker roll ($3) Don’t give these to the study buddy all at once. Keep them, and use them as a motivational tool, putting one (with a clever message) on each pack of notes you return to her.

For the Mother Hen Sure, she’s only a sophomore, but before the girls head out she lines them up by height for a quick headcount, lest someone try to escape her Sauronesque glare later in the evening. If a girl talks to a guy for more than fifteen minutes she intervenes, letting him know that “his future rape victim” is taken. She thinks that if one gal deviates from the evening’s plans no one will have any fun, especially her.

1 Magnacraft 10x25 pair of binoculars ($10) With eagleeye vision, she’ll be able to protect other groups of girls from any college campus’ number one danger: Having fun.

1 Leash ($6) Like any bunch of bitches, these girls need to be kept close.

1 Whistle bracelet ($2) As the sex referee, she needs to decide if Trina needs to spend two minutes in the penalty box for letting Mark spend a few minutes in her love box.

1 Appointment book ($2) If Kathy isn’t outside of the club by 11:20 so we can hit the club next door by 11:30, she’s totally out of the group… which is exactly what Kathy wants.

1 Dap spackling kit, 1/2 pint ($6) Nothing quite says, “I love you, but I also secretly hate you, so you better fix this shit immediately” like spackle for the holidays.

1 Great Neck 1-inch putty knife ($6) The edges aren’t sharp, so he won’t be able to stab you, accidentally or not.

1 Woolite Pet Stain & Odor Remover 22oz bottle ($4) It uses the spray and cleans the carpet, or its remains end up in a tar pit.

1 Korky Plunger ($4) Finally, no excuse for him to say, “Dude, you’ll have to shit outside, sorry, I clogged the toilet yacking this morning.”

For the Hometown Homeboy Mary’s nice. She’s funny, she’s smart, she does well with men, hell, she even called you on your birthday-- an actual phone call! Still, she chose to live with her parents and attend community college, and you want to make sure he knows what you think of her poor life choices. Sadly, those pictures of a football player sucking on ya titties make you look fat, so something else will have to do.

1 Soda Can Stash ($8) No matter the vice, a parent will find it. Unless, of course, it’s hidden in a fake soda can.

4 Random shirts from the local Goodwill. When she’s forced to unironically sport a “Beaumont Football, 2A State Champions Class of 1989” t-shirt as her local sport high water mark, she’ll feel the pangs of sadness not rooting for big-conference sports brings.

1 Cigarette Hitter Rod ($5) When she takes a job on the third shift at the local taco shell plant she’ll need to mask her bad habit with another legal, deadlier one.

1 Community college bumper sticker ($3) When she realizes she’s too embarrassed to pop this on her Ford Focus, she’ll have to reevaluate her life decisions. Score, social strata superiority.

HOLIDAY ENTERTAINMENT MATRIX blowin’ up

Les Miserables WIZ KHALIFA - O.N.I.F.C.

DJANGO UNCHAINED

KESHA - WARRIOR

WII U

Bruno Mars Unorthodox Jukebox

lame

cool Big boi - vicious lies and dangerous rumors

GUARDIANS OF MIDDLE EARTH GUILT TRIP

JaCK REACHER ANGELS AND AIRWAVES STOMPING THE PHANTOM BRAKE PEDAL

under-hyped

HOTLINE MIAMI

CHRISTMAS MOVIES DRINKING GAME

Home Alone

A Christmas Story

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Take a drink when someone crashes into the McCallister lawn jockey Take a drink when anytime a scene features hilariously deadly head trauma Take a drink when anyone says, “Uh, he should be dead, right?”

Take a drink when you notice product placement Take a drink for “KEVIN!” Take two drinks for every Old Man Marley sighting Take two drinks when Kevin talks to himself or breaks the fourth wall Chug your drink during “Carol of the Bells”

Take a drink for every mention of a Red Rider BB Gun. Take a drink when Ralphie daydreams.

Take a drink when Mom serves food.

Take a drink when Mr. Parker mentions the furnace.

Take a drink when someone says “you’ll shoot your eye out!”

Take a drink when Randy whines or cries.

Take two drinks when the neighbor’s dogs piss off Mr. Parker.

Take two drinks when anytime you see any Wizard of Oz character or the Wizard of Oz is mentioned Take two drinks when anytime someone says "major award" or assumes a word is Italian Chug your drink for the Old Man’s lamp Chug your drink during the Chinese renditions of “Deck the Halls,” and “Jingle Bells”

Take a drink when Clark endangers himself or others in pursuit of the ultimate Christmas Take a drink when something goes wrong Take a drink when a calendar door is opened Take a drink when Clark messes with the neighbors, either by accident or on purpose Take a drink when any animal or person messes with the Griswold Christmas tree Take two drinks when Clark is irritated by Cousin Eddie Take two drinks when Clark's bonus is referenced in conversation Finish your drink for every family lesson learned or attempted

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Elf

The Muppet Christmas Carol

Take a drink when someone says “Rudolph” Take a drink when Rudolph’s nose lights up Take a drink every time that smug snowman interrupts the story Take two drinks when a new Christmas character is introduced Take two drinks at every Abominable Snowman sighting Take three drinks in honor of the Island of Misfit Toys Chug your drink when Rudolph flies

Take a drink when the Naughty or Nice List is referenced Take a drink when someone mentions Christmas spirit Take a drink when Buddy is scared Take a drink when Buddy screams Santa Take a drink when Buddy sings Take a drink when Buddy eats something he is not supposed to Take a drink when maple syrup is shown or mentioned Take a drink when Buddy tells anyone he loves them Take two drinks when Buddy says “cotton-headed ninny muggins” Chug your drink when Mr. Narwhal pops up

Take a drink when Gonzo narrates Take a drink when Gonzo and Rizzo get into an argument Take a drink when bell rings or a clock tolls Take a drink for each Muppet you name incorrectly Take a drink when THE BELL TOLLS ONE! Take a drink when Michael Caine gets teary-eyed Take two drinks for each new ghost Take two drinks when Jacob and Robert Marley laugh at their own jokes Take three drinks when Beaker flips off Scrooge as he and Bunsen are leaving Scrooge's office Finish your drink and cry when Tiny Tim dies.

Finish another when they sing "The Love We Found”

Quiz: What Kind Of Late Night Food Are You? 1.) After last call at the bar, you…

A.) Really wish your roommate would shut up so you could go to bed.

B.) Reach for the first sugary substance you can find.

C.) Want some healthy substance to soak up the night’s endeavors from the depths of your stomach.

D.) Find yourself craving something spicy.

2.) In the past you have found…

A.) That you feel that chocolate or glazed is too many decisions.

B.) That you have ordered Chop Suey six different ways in a single week.

C.) That you prefer to pick your meals by meat first.

D.) That late night is the only quiet time you get to study while your roommate(s) are away.

5.) The only sure fire way to avoid a hangover is to…

A.) Tzaziki, I don’t know what’s in it, but the Greeks have been around forever and they can manage to drink Ouzo all night, this stuff must be magic!

B.) Not drink in the first place.

C.) Eat something with rice before you pass out.

D.) Ingest some fatty, delicious, powdered sugar coated foods to replace the lipids being retained by your liver.

6.) Late night munchies should always be accompanied by…

A.) Crabmeat Rangoons.

B.) Sun Chips.

C.) Water.

D.) Coffee.

3.) After a long night, you find yourself needing…

A.) Something deep fried to soak up the night’s festivities.

B.) Something round and possibly glazed.

C.) Sleep.

D.) Food that does not require any utensils to eat and you won’t regret tomorrow.

7.) Favorite way to have your food cooked late at night is by…

A.) Grilling to perfection B.) Deep or stir fried C.) Fried, baked, and then coated or topped in yummy goodness D.) Microwave.

4.) You generally enjoy eating out of a…

A.) Bag. B.) Vending machine.

C.) Neatly rolled piece of paper.

D.) Box.

8.) Your favorite topping is…

A.) Whatever comes in the package.

B.) Feta is “Betta”!

C.) Duck Sauce.

D.) Some form of sugary or chocolaty glaze.

the classtime D M A R B L E S N E P

S I O A L K K H O H G

T C C L C C L K R S N

E R A K O C A H Y R I

K O K S I A O B I B R

C S E S L N R E E W Y

I O N O C U A O T U T

T F R S F C O B N C I

Furby toe socks Underwear toothbrush hand me downs O'Doul's textbooks

K C T W WA NW S R G A W E D T O O K X R U

A O L O L R V T R G P

B L R D K M D E WD B H N H R Y L S K A P R

E K C T R A A N C M D N L C E I WC S U R I E E G T A A N M V R L

I A S A A R B I M S O

6-12 points: Pita Pit You are particular and like to be in control of every aspect of your world. You prefer things wrapped up neatly and always keep your health in mind. You are the late night indulgence known as Pita Pit!

12-18 points: campus wok You have a spicy personality and like a little risk taking and adventure. You don’t mind getting down and stinking up the place with those delightful aromas you can create. You would be Campus Wok if you were a late night food!

18-24 points: sweetwaters You are the type of person to throw caution and blood sugar levels, and your health to the wind late in lieu of a good time. You prefer the sweeter side of life. You would be the yummy heart clogging deliciousness we can run to 24/7, Sweetwater’s Donuts!

1. A=0, B=2, C=1, D=3 | 2. A=3, B=1, C=2, D=0 | 3. A=1, B=3, C=0, D=2 | 4. A=3, B=0, C=1, D=2 5. A=1, B=0, C=2, D=3 | 6. A=2, B=3, C=0, D=1 | 7. A=1, B=2, C=3, D=0 | 8. A=0, B=1, C=2, D=3

answer key:

0-6 points Maybe you picked up this paper by mistake, to read because it is free, or you had already finished all your homework and needed more readpage ing to do to keep you busy while your 11 roommates were out at the bar, or you just needed more reading materials for the bathroom. You’re either too dull for late nights in general, or too broke to even tip the waitress that has been bringing you fifty cent drafts all night..

24+ points You are bad at math. Try again, Einstein.

Crap Christmas Presents N K T H S R H L P P O

T E O K N E T E O E S

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R H O C T P O A N R R

N G C O T F O R S E C

S S K O O B T X E T B

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