Vol. 6, Issue 2
The Black Sheep THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
FRE E. LOS .. LIKE SO F YO M O U R UR NIN BRA G T CKE HE T.
4/3/14 - 4/16/14
NINETY-YEAR-OLD DANCE PIONEER GRADUATING,
PAYS TUITION IN SINGLES ALI BEE WROTE THIS
As a community, VCU welcomes people of all shapes and sizes. Recently, The Black Sheep discovered one of the most unique students yet. No, we’re not talking about your average LARP Lord or Fraternity Brother of the year; it’s much more than that. In fact, she’s the most one-of-a-kind student that has ever attended VCU. After more than 70 years at the university ninety-year-old Delores Cumbridge, a successful stripper, has finally completed her time at VCU and will graduate at the end of this spring semester with a double major in Biomedical Engineering and Mandarin Chinese. It was a struggle, but through a stripper’s salary she was able to pay her tuition. “I hit a point in 1950 where I thought I’d have to call it quits as the rates for tuition went up,” she said as she hand-knit a new sparkling top. “With the support of my loyal and limber colleagues, I pushed myself to find better clients. I would say JFK was my most famous, but who knew he’d be such a bad tipper?” In spite of of Cumbridge’s many misfortunes, she has paid her entire tuition in singles. Though her deposit is still in the process of being counted, she’s sure she has finally paid off her debt. Since attending VCU in 1942, Cumbridge has managed to not only strip her way through college, she’s had a good time on campus as well.
“I couldn’t pass up the college experience,” she stated while icing her left hip before the night’s performance, “there were so many opportunities to fulfill.” As a freshman she pledged a sorority and joined the dance team. Her fondest memories of her sorority days were teaching her new sisters how many things one can actually do with a pole and becoming the beer pong champ five years in a row. Eventually the house decided she was no longer allowed to be a sister, so she took over the position of the sorority mother, which she still holds today. As for the dance team, “they were so jealous of my flexibility and unique choreography they wouldn’t let me on the team!” she laughed. A few years later, more students found out about her stripping career and urged her to start a club of her own. After recruiting ten freshmen and practicing intensely on Sundays after church, they were finally able to shake what their mommas gave ‘em. Unfortunately, the club only lasted for three years until it was banned in 1969. The athletic director—”a real square”—didn’t find it appropriate for a basketball halftime show; however, they still allowed lap dances for the injured players. She tried her best to get the club reinstated with bribes of half-off private sessions, but it was no use. Instead, she moved on in hopes of creating new trends to bring to VCU. In 1948 she started off with simply not shaving. “It was after the war, and I thought
to myself, ‘Delores, you deserve to take it easy.’ You’d be surprised how many men were turned on by some extra foliage.”
made sense considering the tattoo was a VCU Ram biting down on a dollar bill with “ram on!” inked above the horns.
We were just as impressed when she gave us a private show. She was also the pioneer of the tramp stamp, which she claims is the perfect location for a tattoo. We suppose it
Cumbridge stated that all those years of bending over backwards for the public was worth it while she attended VCU. Her only complaint was the restraining order she
received from her BIO 101 professor for inappropriate leg positioning and nudity during office hours. Her last wish is to fulfill her dream of stripping across the graduation stage to accept her diploma. We wish you all the best Dolores; go get ‘em tonight at Rodney’s Corner!
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PAGES 10-11
THE CAP AND GOWN STRUGGLE: TOO REAL
TOP 10: REASONS TO USE RAMSAFE
TYRION LANNISTER’S GUIDE TO COLLEGE
JUST KEEP PILING ON THE DEBT, VCU.
YOU SHOULD REALLY JUST ENJOY THE FREE RIDES WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
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DRINKING BEER AND SCREWING? IS THIS WESTEROS OR VCU?