The Black Sheep
FR st EE. on .. l er ike ’s 4/2 sign 0 p in et g a iti on .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_vcu
Volume 4, Issue 13 • 4/18/13 - 4/24/13
poor/20: nabbing dope when You’re Flat Broke Lorenzo Simpson wrote this
It’s the most wonderful time of the year; it’s time to celebrate the wonderful gift of the green leaves Mother Nature so generously bestowed upon the Earth. What? Hell naw, Arbor Day can suck it. We’re talking about 4/20, the day every bro asks their boss if they can take off work so they can feast upon the stickiest of the icky, the jolly green giant leaf, the Devil’s oregano -- Marijuana! Or Mary Jane if you think you’re Rick James. Larry Hoover. Sniffin Purp. Halleluiah. Oh, but wait just a blunt lickin’ minute. You’re broke! Maybe your check didn’t clear in time, mom and pop said no this week, or your only current job is watching every foreign film Netflix has to offer. Either way, you ain’t got no money in the bank, so you can’t be walkin’ round, rollin’ up stank. Well The Black Sheep cares so much about the college students’ craze to blaze, we “thought up” a couple of techniques on how to bum some bud from a bum or your buds. You could call up your supplier and beg him for a few pinches of the funky stuff, just to get you floating enough to enhance two viewings of Speed Racer. Today is like, the Black Friday for the givers of the green seed. If you’re lucky he might give you a dimebag in exchange for a bullshit essay on the French Revolution, but he’s probably swamped with calls and various “meetings,” so getting a hold of him will be harder than eyeing a snake in the grass. That sweet, sticky-icky grass. So you move onto your weed-smoking buddies. Forget the ones who left for a Wiz Khalifa concert yesterday and conveniently forgot to invite you, because you’re always conveniently broke at the worst time. No, you need the friend who always has a stash somewhere. Sure, their GPAs are more disturbing to look at than Kevin Ware’s leg, but they can get you the weed you need, with speed. Just wait down the street from Snead. But you gotta remember, it’s 4/20. By the time you decide to contact those guys, they’ll be already breaking out the Doritos and philosophizing as to why they have five fingers, or why Charlie Day’s annoying voice hasn’t broken any eardrums yet. Bottom line, they might not answer because they’re more smacked than a bigot at a feminist rally. Oh, what is a poor chiefer to do? Another genius idea would be
Trick your friends into thinking you’re cool!
to invite your grandmother/great aunt/old relative with chronic glaucoma to Richmond for the weekend. Tell her you really want to catch up with her, and make sure to bring all of her medication. Wouldn’t want mawmaw getting too sick during her big visit. Just make them a nice, steaming bowl of ramen, turn Jeopardy! on, and they’ll be knocked out long before Alex Trebek starts asking the contestants for boring facts about their boring lives. After that, grab some green out of the plastic bag, make like John Legend and get lifted. If that doesn’t work (she’s a “pill” person), and you’re about to go psychotic for some chronic, you can always ask your neighborhood homeless person(s). Drop a quarter in their jar, and they’ll point out
what'’s inside
420 Blaze It: AN 8th Grader’s first time getting high
You have to trick yourself into being cool, first.
Your first time hitting that blunt? Oh, to be that young again!
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every weed spot on the block. You’ll be able to score a few drags off the nice albino gentleman with “Spill Blood or Eat Pussy” tattooed across his chest covered in stab wounds. Remember to smile; first impressions could mean high or death. We’re positive you don’t want to risk your life trying to get a broke buzz. So in the future, plan accordingly. Have an emergency $10 hidden in a drawer you hardly ever use, like the condom drawer. This way, you won’t be flipping out next time, turning streets over to score some five-leaf clover. You’ll be comfy at home, munching on a plate of spicy BoDillaz quesadillas and hot wings, watching 300 to see how much slower it takes Leonidas to punch someone while inhaling that beautiful, budiful, bowl of burning bush.
An end to dine-and-smash how to get free samples without giving it up.
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