The Black Sheep FR
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 6 10/18/12 - 10/24/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUTK
The top ways to make sure you don’t look like a loser in between classes Katie Vaughn wrote this
It’s always awkward when you don’t have enough time to get home before your next class, and have to come up with things to do while not looking like a huge loser, and that shit gets complicated. There are only so many things can do until someone realizes you have no friends. If you’re one of those people that is already a recluse and only comes on campus to play Xbox 360 in Down Under, then this doesn’t apply to you. But if you’re everybody else, here are some ways you can attempt to convince people you really do have a social life, yet you’re comfortable enough to hang out by yourself before class. Eat at the UC: Eating alone isn’t that weird as long as you’re not trying to force a two-hour-lunch. Let’s be serious, eating really only takes twenty minutes. Not even. So in order to make it look like you left yourself just enough time to eat and get a few important things done, you need to bring your laptop. Just because you’re Facebook-creeping on already-pregnant high school classmates you’ll never talk to doesn’t mean the people around you have to know and, subsequently, judge you. You should probably put a few notebooks out on the table too just to add on the visual proof that you are, in fact, busy. On the flip side, if people figure you out it will be disastrous to your attempted non-loserdom. Chill in Starbucks: People hang out in Starbucks all the time, right? Partake in sophisticated conversation and engulfing yourself in the fabulous hipster environment. Why can’t you become one of those people? You sit yourself down in the ridiculously cold leather chair and whip out your laptop. You may have to cross your legs in the chair to create as much body warmth as possible, because for some reason even in the dead of winter they set the interior temperature to “cold as balls.” You should order something to make it look like you’re doing work - like getting coffee was a part of your scheduled, very busy, day. Hang out in the bookstore: When you have gone through every other means of entertainment, you’ve realized no one cares enough to text you back no matter how much you (didn’t) need to speak to them. So you go to the bookstore. You know full well that you’re not going to buy anything. You can’t afford to spend 50 dollars on a t-shirt - you’re going out this weekend, duh. So you meander around the sweatshirts and pick up a hat or two only to put them right back, but hey, you’re shopping - this was all a part of the plan. Hang a hammock in a tree in front of HSS: Yeah, don’t. Unless you have a good couple of hours to “hang around,” which, in that case,
The Top 10 Strategic Places to Poop On Campus bombs away!
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you could have just gone home. But if you start hammocking, you will either fall into a nap coma and miss your next class, or you’ll spend too much time trying to find the right tree configuration, and end up not having time to enjoy said hammock. In the end, you’re usually better just exploring another option - like sleeping under someone’s hammock, freaking them out, and moving in. Call your Mom: This isn’t everyone’s first choice because you don’t feel like re-explaining what exam you just took, or what courses you’re taking again. And let’s face it, you can’t call your friends because they’re sleeping/in class/sleeping in class. No matter where you’re sitting, people notice that you’re on the phone and, un-
what’s inside
Bartender of the Week Wiley R. freakin’ hates Superman, man.
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less they sat on top of you, they would never know you’re pathetic enough to call your mom to make it look like someone called in the middle of the day to have a conversation. The worst part is when your mom is too busy at work and has to run to a meeting and hangs up. When your mom cuts you off, then you have fallen very, very far down the social ladder. There’s basically nothing left for you to do but give up and just sit in the HSS amphitheater by yourself, contemplating your sad life. Unless you’re lucky enough to space out your classes and to go home to do nothing, these are the things you can do on campus while also do nothing. It’s a hard knock life.
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