The Black Sheep
fre HEARe...lik ABO e - WAIT UT MILE , DID Y C Y YO U G R U S U YS YET ?
Vol. 3, Issue 2
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
8/29/13 - 9/4/13
Fast Times at UTK: Panty Drop Monday
BY: Birdii Haumschild An ancient right of passage known as “Panty Drop Monday” recently blossomed some of UTK’s cherished young, intelligent, and naive ladies into the “my-legs-are-never-closed” girls who parade down the Strip. Panty Drop Monday, or PDM, is the first day sorority girls young and old can finally hit the town, and a day every freshman boy on campus looks forward to finally losing his virginity (despite “totally losing it in high school”), or at least have a believable story of doing so. It can be a hard transformation for freshmen, filled with regret, confusion, and sometimes chlamydia. But the time has come upon us, and we accept it and we learn from it (PDM, not chlamydia). No doubt you saw them Tuesday morning. Holding their heels, holding their head down, and trying to wipe off the indecencies of the night before. It’s the walk of shame. You can play Bingo with the various stereotypical night-after wear. Just sit on your porch in The Fort and watch them parade by. Girl missing one shoe? Check. Girl with streaks of makeup down her face? Ooh, double check. Girl riding an old-timey bicycle singing “Down the Field”? Ok, doesn’t make sense, but we’ll say check anyway. There is a reason the sororities are trying to change the name of Panty Drop Monday to “First Night Out.” They seem to think it’s not a classy name. Now that’s a surprise. What could possibly be unclassy about a bunch of alcohol-deprived twenty-somethings suddenly unleashed to party hardy, finally allowed to enjoy a sexual partner somewhere their parents aren’t? Thanks to our dry campus some frats rent out bars and public spaces to hold their parties. When the lights go on and the parties end, the pheromones are almost visible in the air as guys scramble about to find Ms. Right Now in a beer-goggled haze. It’s a big night for freshman guys on campus too, as drunkenly seducing a mate is new to them. Just months ago they had to take their best gal to the ice cream parlor down the street at least three times before a kiss; now all they
have to do is say “Hi, my name’s Hank and I run The Black Sheep,” then bam. Sex. Every time. To the girls who did get a little sumptin’ sumptin’ on Monday, at least you aren’t delusional about yourself. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We need panty-dropping girls to keep UTK on the radar for… something. Something good must come out of PDM. Babies? Babies that will
one day come to UTK? Does college work like citizenship? Whatever the case, keep it up ladies. PDM always holds a sort of reverence, mystery, and infamy at UTK. Should it be a yearly practice? Of course, it brings humor, craziness, and yes, panty dropping, to an otherwise boring Monday night. We vote that it stays around for years and years to come.
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UTK: A Work in Progress
Roommate Horror Stories
ON the streets
Remember when wearing a hard hat to class was (still) not a bad idea?
Learn from our mistakes, and confront the overly sexual roommate before things get too awkward.
If you were a mermaid would you want your top or bottom half to be the first part?
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