Volume 5
The Black Sheep
SHO FREE TS A ! L I K T TH E M E EN ELT Y D O JELL FA TAI -O LGA T
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
E.
Issue 1
DRINKING GAME:
The Tennessee Away Game Cory Chitwood wrote this Fall in Tennessee means two things: football (of course) and a spike in Knoxville liquor sales. When the games are home at least everybody knows exactly what activities to partake in: Running amuck in Neyland, around campus and The Fort with 100,000 other drunk people in orange. But what’s the proper way to drink when the Vols are playing on the road? This away (drinking) game is your guide! - The first time you hear Rocky Top, it’s imperative that you finish your drink. Andrew Jackson didn’t kick British ass and earn the Volunteer State its nickname in the War of 1812 so you could bitch your way through a beer. Finish that shit, it’s game time. - Because it’s inevitable, have a strong shot on hand for when the game commentators bring up the fact that Tennessee football is a tradition-rich program that has fallen off in recent years. You know, just in case you forgot. - The first time the Vols score, fill up a victory round; it’s time to take another shot. Why? First off, because the Vols scored and you should celebrate. Secondly, given that most of Tennessee’s away games are against ranked opponents, you’re going to need all the alcohol you can get to keep your nerves down and spirits up. - Derek Dooley and Lane Kiffin. These foul words will make any Vol fan cringe, and it’s almost certain that they will get mentioned during any Tennessee football
game by some half-wit commentator who is hell-bent on beating a dead horse. Any time you hear either Derek or Lane’s name, immediately finish your drink, fill up another one, and finish that one too. Forgetting isn’t easy. - Any time a commentator says the words “youth” or “inexperience” while referring to UT, drink. It should be noted that this will happen several times. Hey, we may be “youthful” and “inexperienced,” but at least we’re not a washed-up football player turned commentator, you old fart. - Because history shows that the second half of away games for Tennessee football will require a high level of intoxication to endure, halftime requires another round of shots. Keep going strong all the way through those hundreds of Comcast commercials. - If–excuse us, when–the Vols are still in it by the time the fourth quarter rolls around, shotgun a beer, things are about to get interesting. Make sure you’re ready to scream your lungs out for the Orange and White! They need all of our support back home to win! - Every time you see the Butch Jones “brickby-brick” mailbox commercial take a pull of sweet, sweet beer. This commercial runs about a million times per game, so we would say to skip this one if you’re a lightweight…but you’d have to hate the Vols not to drink for Butch.
- If the Vols win, take a round of victory double shots. Everyone must participate. If you don’t, you probably belong at UTC. Or better yet, just go ahead and transfer to UT-Martin, Vol-hater.
- Because win or lose, you’re still on Rocky Top, whenever the clock hits 0:00, finish whatever you have left, no matter what the score. After all, they say a bad day on Rocky Top is better than a good day anywhere else (alcohol helps tremendously with this).
These games will most definitely distinguish the lightweights from the heavyweights as you cheer from home for the Vols as they play across the nation. Never stop giving your all for Tennessee, and just remember, a true Vol is a champion at rallying.
PAGE 5
PAGE 6
THE OFFICIAL UT 2014 PARTY THROWING GUIDE
99 PROBLEM’S BUT A BUTCH AIN’T ONE
THE A.P. RE-TEST CHALLENGE
IF YOU’RE HAVING FOOTBALL PROBLEMS, WE FEEL BAD FOR YOU, SON.
ONE COLLEGE SENIOR PUT-UP AND SHUT-UP WHILE RETAKING A HISTORY A.P. TEST. HOW DO YOU THINK YOU’D DO?
GET THOSE PARTY PANTS ON, BOYS AND GIRLS.
FOLLOW US @BLACKSHEEP_UTK
SEPTEMBER 18th, 2014 - OCTOBER 1st, 2014
PAGES 10-11
THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM