The Black Sheep
FR EE th ... l e re ike -m no ul xio ch u in s f g of ume ca s fr mp o us m .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 12 • 4/11/13 - 4/17/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUTK
Sex Week Protesters: An Exposé Utk gossip girl wrote this It seems that everybody has an opinion about the ever-controversial Sex Week at UT. Everyone, from legislators, teachers, students, and parents to people outside the university, has developed strong opinions about the event. We were interested to hear the perspectives of those against the idea, and decided to ask some of them about their opinions in order to find out why they really oppose Sex Week. The Black Sheep: What are some of your biggest concerns with Sex Week? Pedestrian Walkway Street Preacher: “Hellfire! Hellfire and damnation! Eternal hellfire and damnation! The flames of Hell will consume you all! “ Anti-Abortion People: “If you attend Sex Week, you will have sex, and you will get pregnant, and you will abort your baby, and your baby will look EXACTLY like this giant poster I have here. See? Look at the blood! If you so much as set foot into one of these events, you will all become baby killers! And get chlamydia! And die!” Stacey Campfield: “I just don’t see the point. There can’t be any legitimate reason for UT to host an event like this. Kids don’t have sex. I certainly never did, and neither did my parents.” The Gideons: [Silent, prolonged eye contact while trying to hand us a Bible] The Black Sheep: Why is sex such a bad thing, anyway? Isn’t it supposed to be a pleasurable and fulfilling act? Pedestrian Walkway Street Preacher: “Sex is the Devil’s entertainment. It is how he and his minions amuse themselves in the fiery pits of Hell while they’re waiting on the gays and the Jews to join them.” Anti-Abortion People: “Sex makes you pregnant, and pregnancy makes you abort babies! Every time! Look at the fetus! LOOK AT IT! That is what sex does!” Stacey Campfield: “I just don’t see what all the hype about sex is anyway. I mean, that’s not my idea of fun. I prefer to pass the time writing the most absurd pieces of legislature I can come up with. Sex has always seemed overrated to me. Not that I’d know… I’m just assuming it’s less fun than it looks in the gruesome illustrations of the act I draw in my spare time.” The Gideons: [Silence, still maintaining eye contact, still holding out a Bible]
The Black Sheep: As Americans, though, shouldn’t we support free speech and education for our young people? Pedestrian Walkway Street Preacher: “Unclean speech leads to unclean thoughts, which leads to the fires of Hell and eternal damnation! The Constitution should be amended to ensure that America won’t be consumed by the devil and his minions – after all, 9/11 clearly happened because of all the immoral, interracial sex happening in this country!” Anti-Abortion People: “Free speech is in the same Constitution that allows abortion to be legal! We ignore Roe v. Wade all day every day, so why shouldn’t we ignore the First Amendment? Besides, we’d only be allowing students to be educated in creative ways to kill fetuses! Look at the posters!!!!” Stacey Campfield: “I never did go to law school, so I’m just not sure
what'’s inside
about the whole ‘free speech’ nonsense, but it seems like something the secular progressives made up to further their anti-religious agenda. Besides, these events aren’t educational. I don’t know how anyone could think that talks like ‘How Can UTK Stop Sexual Assault?’ and ‘Sex, Gender, and the Law’ have any academic merit to them whatsoever.” The Gideons: [Silence, trying to hand us a Bible… which we finally took because they’re fairly inoffensive and kind of cute in their old man suits] We may never get a straight answer out of the Sex Week protesters, because it’s not even clear that they know why they oppose the event in the first place. We learned that many of those who object don’t realize that just because you’re loud, it doesn’t mean you’re right. You can’t fix stupid, but you sure can educate yourself about sex, so maybe we should take a leaf out of these activists’ books and start having loud (safe) sex!
This is what our dreams are made of
Top 10: Free Things to get on campus
bartender of the week
Condoms double as potential balloon animals!
“Rumorz” about Bianka are that she’s the coolest bartender around.
page 4
page 5
page 12
It’s only a nightmare if it comes true.