The Black Sheep
FR E air E... L at ike wi th lli e e am le s-b ctr ric ici e s ty ta in t diu h m. e
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 1, Issue 5 9/20/12 -9/26/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepusc
gamecock beaten by pig for throwing skin John Cocksman wrote this The situation was intense. Tens of thousands of fans, many of whom were intoxicated. Thousands of rowdy students, most of whom were also hammered. Although it is unconfirmed whether there would be a party in the Woodlands afterward, the party at Williams-Brice stadium was shut down by a cop who woke up with a mission to ruin the experience for one Gamecocks reporter. When a columnist for The Daily Gamecock rose on the morning of the East Carolina game, little did he know what was to come. In a moment of glory rarely seen in the game of football, the sacred pigskin flew over the net and into a sea of excited Gamecocks fans. Unfortunately, someone had to be a prick. In an act of cocky celebration, an unnamed columnist for The Daily Gamecock threw that most revered of oblong objects through the crowd and was summarily tackled by an officer of the law for his crime. Such an offense simply could not go unpunished. Some on USC’s campus have reacted with concern and suspicion, questioning whether or not they can trust the police whose sole responsibility it is to protect them from the evils of Columbia, South Carolina. Among the evils of primary focus, underage drinking, casual marijuana use and other party-related abominations. It is appropriate that these are the principle targets of USCPD’s wrath, considering they’re much more threatening to the lives and health of the Carolina student body then public masturbators and gang members who wait to mug students after dark. The scenario is bleak indeed, but we can all rest well henceforth, for the most foul, wretched, offensive crime of all has been sufficiently quashed: the crime of throwing a football, in a football stadium, at a football game. Other less serious crimes were not ignored. Many were arrested, others were tazed, some were attacked with rabid dogs. One student reportedly punched the Eastern Carolina mascot, but this was forgiven, and rightfully so. The Daily Gamecock columnist in question, however, had the audacity to contest his being accosted, much to the dismay of the dedicated police officer. While the studentprepared to shout “Don’t taze me, bro!”- suffered on the ground after being contained by the officer in question, he was expelled from the stadium, kicked off the island and left to fester in the sun. Williams-Brice is safer for that of-
College Procrastination Reaches New Heights
ficer’s prudence, foresight and commitment. It is for that reason that The Black Sheep honors the officer in question. The police and their methods may at times seem questionable, but when the real crime of throwing a football, at a football game, in a football stadium is committed by a fan, we may all take solace in the knowledge that such misconduct will be addressed with all appropriate severity. One student who disagreed with the methods of the USC police officer suggested the possibility that he could have been suffering from an undiagnosed case of post-traumatic stress disorder, as a result of long hours on the police force. It is an indicator of the age we live in when sound, savvy,
what’s inside
solid police work is denounced as mental illness. Reports of the police officer’s PTSD remain unconfirmed, but we applaud him nevertheless. This incident, however, has occurred against the backdrop of a growing trend of behavior, at football games, in football stadiums. Investigations conducted by The Black Sheep research team conclude that at nearly every football game in the United States, someone, somewhere, is in some way throwing a football. This is reported to occur at games both public and private, among all age groups, even potentially in our own back yards. As such, a public hotline has been set up to report all incidents of football throwing in any context.
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