Volume 3
The Black Sheep
corn Free! from Like d you riedr Gr out and can ma dy ’s ho use .
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Issue 5
TEN COSTUMES TO MAKE
PURDUE PETE LESS CREEPY Josh wrote this The Black Sheep loves Halloween. C’mon, we’re talking about Reese’s eating contests that end in at least one staff member developing diabetes (sorry about the foot, Paul). But, there is one amongst us who doesn’t love Halloween: Purdue Pete. It’s not that Purdue Pete is opposed to costumes per se, it’s more that Pete realizes the anthropomorphic horror he already is. As much as we love Purdue Pete, we have to agree he is an ungodly freak show with those sunken, dead eyes staring into the abyss. In an effort to help Purdue Pete enjoy Halloween, The Black Sheep has come up with ten costume ideas to make Purdue Pete less creepy. 10.) An Ohio State Buckeye: We’re not sure what a Buckeye is, it’s some kind of nut right? Anyways that mascot looks as happy as a pig in shit like, all the time, whereas Pete looks crazy as a mentally incapacitated serial killer. Going out as a Buckeye would allow Pete the chance for some human interaction.
it was baffling. Sporting a physique that suggests he just got through a bout of chemo, 1950s Pete would get some sympathy shots. 7.) Snoop Dogg: Everyone “loves” an exceedingly white guy pretending to be gangsta, and who’s whiter than Purdue Pete? Just imagine those giant bug eyes bloodshot red and that perfect coif of hair made into cornrows. 6.) Sexy Kitten: This one is for our own curiosity. If a Black Sheep writer saw a Sexy Kitten Purdue Pete walk into a bar, he’d buy him a drink. He’d probably take him home too and make sweet, sweet love… moving on. 5.) A Malaysian Airline Pilot: Though controversial, such a unique and “too soon” costume would certainly distract from the hazy “lust for blood” look that is always present in Pete’s eyes. But it might make people start suspecting Pete of bringing down the plane himself. He looks like the type…
9.) Lanyard-Wearing Freshman: Nothing is more approachable than a freshman rocking cargo shorts and a lanyard. Everyone will see Pete’s way-too-younglooking face and think “that’s not a monster worse than the Crypt Keeper and the Swamp Thing’s illegitimate child, that’s a baby-faced freshman, who still has hope in his eyes.”
4.) Ebola Researcher: In a similar vein as the last idea, a full-on Hazmat suit coated with Ebola-esque blood would mask the soulless glare that is Pete’s default face. Most people would rather catch Ebola than hug that weird, giant-headed monstrosity.
8.) Old-School Purdue Pete: This iteration of Pete’s look wasn’t as terrifying as
3.) Sexy Morgan Burke: Homie, it would take a very special person to pull this look
off. Honestly this would be a universally awesome costume, no matter how goddamned terrifying your face is to young children. This costume would need to include a good-ol’-boy tie and glasses combo and a neutral-colored banana hammock.
2.) Purdue Bell Tower: DONT WALK UNDER ME OR YOU WON’T GRADUATE IN FOUR YEARS! As long as he keeps yelling this all night, the ladies will flock. Ladies love a big bell, if you know what we’re talking about. We’re talking about bells. Don’t be weird.
1.) Mitch Daniels: The easiest and most effective of all costumes. Mitch and Pete are practically the same person, so all this would require is burning a Howard Zinn book, and being the coolest cat at the bar.
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PAGES 12-13
LOCAL GIRL EXCITED ABOUT “PLAY ON WORDS” HALLOWEEN COSTUME
CONFESSIONAL: MY ROOMMATE’S A VAMPIRE
MOVIES MONSTERS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
SHE CAN’T WAIT TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT!
ALL THAT EXTRA GARLIC YOU BOUGHT WILL COME IN HANDY.
WE OFFER SOME CLOSURE TO THOSE THAT’VE SUFFERED FROM THESE SCARY MONSTERS.
FOLLOW US @BLACKSHEEP_PU OCTOBER 23rd, 2014 - NOVEMBER 5th, 2014 THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM