Volume 4
The Black Sheep The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Lik in ye the g our ree bee n r!
Issue 5
DREAMS VS. REALITY:
SPRING BREAK EDITION KATY MARTIN wrote this
As much as we’d like to believe it, spring break is nothing like what we see in the movies or on television. Not that we’d want it to be—who wants to be recruited into a life of crime by a creepy James Franco? Yet each year Boilermakers make the trek to sun and sand with the following expectations, only to be sorely reminded that “sex on the beach” should ONLY be an alcoholic beverage (no one wants sand down there…). Below are some of the most common ways that people set up themselves up for disappointment on spring break. THE NIGHTLIFE Dream: You and all your girlfriends are going to put on your hot girl disguises and hit up the hottest club in the hottest spring break town in the nation. Everyone will have their eyes on you guys, and you’ll dance the night away to hip techno-pop and sip on appletinis and cosmos. Reality: You have to walk all the way to the club in 6-inch heels, so your feet are bleeding by the time you get there and all you can think about is finding a place to sit. One drink is $12 and the whole place is actually kind of dirty and sticky. The music is just the same 5 minutes of techno garbage on a loop, and turns out some other girl is wearing the exact same dress you are. THE PEOPLE Dream: Chances are you’ll run in to a lot of people you know on spring break because almost EVERYONE goes to the same place. You’re looking forward to a bunch of fun, hot people in swimsuits dancing and drinking on the beach, à la any stereotypical spring break movie (there are too many to choose from). Reality: Just like every year before, this place is PACKED almost to the point of discomfort. And yes, you are seeing a bunch of people you know. But they’re mostly those girls you hate, and they’re hanging all over those guys you like. You have to wait over an hour to get into any restaurant or bar, and you swear to yourself that you’re not coming back here next year. But you will.
THE BEACH Dream: You’re going to put on your bikini and hit the beach for some volleyball. You played left hitter in high school, so you’re pretty sure you’re still a complete boss at the sport. Guys will be totally impressed by you, and the girls will envy you. All while getting a flawless tan.
THE WEATHER Dream: Every single day will be sunny and 75, just like that one country song (that you’ve heard of but never actually listened to) suggests. You don’t bother bringing anything else to entertain yourself because you know you’ll be spending all your time on the beach.
Reality: Playing volleyball in sand is nothing like playing on a court. You have trouble even moving two feet to get to the ball. And when you try to make an amazing play by diving for the ball, you just end up faceplanting onto that one area where the sand is actually compact. And the sand really hurts your skin because now you’re sunburnt after “forgetting” to put on sunscreen.
Reality: C’mon, you couldn’t expect the weather to be that nice. It’s March in (wherever it is you’re vacationing to)—it’s rained 5 of the 9 days you were here, and the ocean is still freezing. By now you’ve probably memorized the layout of the local mall after having been there so many times, but have already spent all of your money on booze and bathing suits. Spring break never really goes as we plan. But the great thing is, now is the time to do these crazy things and have crazy expectations. Because once you graduate from college, spring break as we know and love it will be no more.
PAGE 5
PAGE 5
PAGES 12-13
THE FRESHMAN SPRING BREAK SURVIVAL GUIDE
TOP 10: PLACES TO NAP ON CAMPUS DURING SPRING BREAK
THE DRUNK SUBCULTURES ON ST. PATRICK’S DAY
A HANDY Q&A FOR ALL YOU FIRST-TIMERS OUT THERE.
IF YOU’RE STUCK HERE WHILE YOUR FRIENDS ARE DOWN SOUTH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL NAP EVERYWHERE YOU CAN.
WE RUN DOWN THE 15 DIFFERENT TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU’LL MEET ON THE BEST DAY IN MARCH.
FOLLOW US @BLACKSHEEP_PU
MARCH 12TH, 2015 - MARCH 26TH, 2015
THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM