Volume 7
The Black Sheep
Fre e! L ide ike ste as f rom aling Buz costu zFe me ed.
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
HOW TO TRICK-OR-TREAT
AS AN OLE MISS REBEL APARTMENT COMPLEXES: Oxford is rapidly becoming like the waning half of a long Monopoly game; houses and apartment complexes are springing up faster than an over-zealous mob can tear down a football field goal post. To make the most of Halloween, The Black Sheep encourages folks to strap on that slutty nurse outfit or Superman costume, take a Xanax or two and get lost in the corridors of the labyrinth-style apartment complexes. It’s like some newage haunted house except with less cobwebs. Whether it is candy, oral sex, a ride home, or compression socks for those aching calves, The Black Sheep recommends banging on random people’s doors and asking for goods. This fantastic form of trick-or-treating is sure to make your neighbors like you.
THE SQUARE: Another fun and creative The Black Sheepapproved trick-or-treating venue is, of course, The Square. Once lubed up with the appropriate libations, The Black Sheep suggests knocking on the bar doors for treats and free booze. Although there may not be candy at The Levee, there very well could be a freshman girl named Candy, or Mandy, or Ashley— something along those lines. Not to mention, bouncers love telling drunk people in ridiculous costumes to go home. Really, everyone loves that.
YOUR PROFESSOR’S HOUSE: No one enjoys having plastered students yell nonsensical, made-up Halloween carols at them quite like your Ole Miss professor.
Issue 4
Although Halloween is a holiday invented by Nestlé and Walgreens, it’s still a wonderful time of the year to indulge in your primal, partying needs whilst dressing up in a ridiculous costume and yelling at strangers. So, as Halloween draws near, The Black Sheep reminds its readers of a few simple ways to keep the Halloween spirit alive by joining in with the timeless tradition of trick-or-treating, except all college-like and stuff. Knowlton Bourne wrote this
This helpful trick-or-treating idea will allow your closest education professional to maybe remember who you are on Monday. It will also remind them that their years of hard work and the crippling student debt they accrued was all well worth the long and arduous career struggle. God bless them for molding the future minds of America.
THE HEALTH CENTER: Another viable route for trick-or-treating that actually involves some yummy treats is knocking on the Health Center door. The Health Center on campus is chock-full of dope pain killers and Codeine, see what we did there? God knows the doctors hand out Codeine for next to nothing, including those throbbing calves you’ve been complaining about. For those Halloweeners that like the less traditional route, Jordy, your drug dealer, will also be shut in with his new copy of Destiny and making business transactions from his filthy apartment on the opposite side of town.
THE OXFORD POLICE DEPARTMENT: Once you’ve hit all the regular trick-or-treating hot spots for sex, drugs, and alcohol it is only natural to wrap your hell of a night up with a trip to the police station. Whether the noble protectors of our lovely town will be serving up candy, rides on their giant police horses, crazy stories from their tours in Afghanistan, or a nice, fat public drunk arrest; the police department will undoubtedly be a nice ending to your long Halloween adventure.
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When you wake up the next morning, look in your sack of candy and loudly proclaim, “How did all that get there?,” just remember you have a friend in The Black Sheep. Now get back out there, champ, and TP a house or somethin’.
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PAGES 10-11
STUDENT S***S BRICKS OVER MIDTERMS
LIFE AS A GROVE BABY
IT REALLY DID A NUMBER ON THE PLUMBING.
AND AS EXPECTED, HE’S A TOTAL BADASS. KIND OF.
WHAT KIND OF HALLOWEEN PARTY SHOULD YOU ATTEND? FOLLOW OUR FLOWCHART TO MAKE THE BEST DECISION OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
FOLLOW US @BLACKSHEEP_OM OCTOBER 16th, 2014 - OCTOBER 29th, 2014 THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM