The Black Sheep FR
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... th like e g th ro at un us e d rig d c ht on th do ere m o n .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 3, Issue 10 11/8/12 -11/14/12
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_om
Handling bad roommates barney thompson wrote this
Holy Virgin Mary on a stick, what the hell happened to your apartment? Whip-it cans are scattered on the counter, the kitchen is littered with Natty Light boxes, and your patio door is missing a freshman-sized portion from it. It’s amazing what a terrible roommate can do in the time it takes to drive up to the store. Here are some textbook examples - listed from “I can deal with it” to “I’m gonna kill you, bro” - of bad roommates and how to handle the situation without using any methods you picked up from the two-day Dexter marathon. A little disorder never killed anyone: Despite your best efforts the pile of dishes in your sink are steadily making its way towards the ceiling; for every dish you clean, two more mysteriously soiled ones take its place. A combination of pizza rolls, beer, and shame create a smell that slowly expands throughout the rest of your apartment. While not yet physically crippling, the complete smell is taking its toll on your sleeping habits. Do: Calmly confront your less-than-sanitary roommate and explain why it isn’t okay for them to let the dishes stack taller than Martin and Stockard. Don’t: Pressure-wash their room because your roommate told you to “just deal with it.” This is troublesome: You registered for your classes early to avoid those heartless 8 a.m. roll calls, but now you can’t use your late night 'bed-time' to its fullest extent since your roommates have decided there are to be no visitors after 7 p.m. on weeknights; you won’t even make it to the semi-finals of your Thursday night beer pong tourney until at least midnight. Now you and your “burnout friends” can’t watch The Walking Dead on that awesome 50” flat-screen you slaved all summer for because you decided to live with the most boring people in the world.
Colonel Reb: It’s a damn free-for-all when it comes to living with these people. Anything that will fit through your doorframe is likely to be “borrowed” from your room. Do: Start locking your door. Don’t: Rig your door with a Monkey’s claymore - also known as a poop bomb.
Do: Make a stand for yourself and let them know that, as someone who also pays rent, that you are going to have people over after 7 at night because you’ve decided being social is a positive lifestyle choice.
With smoke, rise problems: It started out as a faint smell coming from the top of your roommates closet, now every time you walk through you’re greeted by a cloud of dank smoke. While a large chunk of Ole Miss’ student body would be wetting their pants with joy, blowin’ trees just isn’t your thing.
Don’t: Invite 50 of your closest friends over to your place for a Tuesday-night party that starts at 7:01 p.m.
Do: Compromise on where they can and cannot smoke; the back-porch and his own room are reasonable suggestions.
Dude, where’s my stuff?: Possession is nine-tenths of the law like you haven’t heard that enough from Oxford PD - and your roommate seems to abide by that other one tenth of the law. Your food, clothes, N64, and even the hand-sculpted life-size
Don’t: Overreact by kicking him out and tossing all of his “tobacco pipes” in the dumpster, that’s a dick move, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
what’s inside
From bro to hoe: Despite the complete lack of hookers in Oxford, you’ve somehow managed to move in with a pimp. Johns are coming and going at all hours of the night and there are a few bullet holes in the refrigerator. All attempts at talking to your roommate about the many problems that arise when living with a “Female Schedule-Maker” have ended with a firm backhand to your face, a sense of self-shame, and being called many, many dirty names. Do: Avoid eye contact and consider contacting the authorities, fair warning though, if you do have him arrested he might hire someone to kill you. Don’t: Start a fight, pimps keep weapons on them at all times and have a black-belt in Pimpjitsu. Oxford is a small town with a lot of people; it’s not inevitable that you’ll be forced to live with the complete polar opposite of you. There are many ways of dealing with domestic disputes; unless TruTV is recording you, there’s really no reason to resort to “throwing hands.” Make compromises before taking any action, because once you drop a steamer in his Cole Haans, nothing will ever be the same.
bartender of the week
The Black Sheep Interviews
We yell at college students for sounding stupid and demand more from them.
Hailey from Round Table just doesn't get lacrosse.
We chat with AWOLNATION, the brainchild of Aaron Bruno.
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