The Black Sheep
fr e sh e... l ou ike ld tw be in th s t is ick ye ar ets ...
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 11 • 4/11/13 - 4/17/13
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The Trouble With being Minnesota Nice Katrina Nicholson wrote this
Minnesotans are famous for being the friendliest folks in the United States. They hold doors open when the next person entering the building is in the process of exiting their vehicle eighty feet away. They treat the zipper merge like it's written in the Bible, often throwing in a “thank you” wave when they enter traffic. A Minnesotan will make sure that their fellow human beings are treated with the same respect that they show to their mother. The culture of over-the-top politeness towards strangers is something to be proud of, but also something that occasionally needs to be reexamined from time to time. “Minnesota Nice” doesn't always translate across borders, and sometimes it leads to difficult situations for a traveling Minnesotan. In fact, “Minnesota Nice” can lead to nasty situations when misunderstood. First off, Minnesota is the only place in the world where people will incessantly apologize for something entirely miniscule. The Minnesota State Fair is one big apology convention, where people knock deep-fried Twinkies out of each other's hands and shed tears when the victim won't accept a replacement Twinkie. These are strings of conversation consisting only of the word “sorry,” where both members are too ashamed of themselves to accept the apology and admit the stranger's wrongdoing. But if you travel a few states away and enter a major city, you will be spat on for grazing shoulders with someone who was busy looking at their iPhone. Minnesotans cannot expect their niceness to be reciprocated when they leave the nest, because outside of it are cesspools of hostility and cynicism. It's not that the perpetual cheeriness is unappreciated. It's just often misunderstood when taken out of its cultural context. In most situations, it is entirely appropriate and even mandatory to refrain from interacting with strangers. Elevators, cab rides, subway stations, waiting rooms and lines at the grocery store… To a Minnesotan, these are perfect opportunities to give salutations to their fellow community members and perhaps learn something new. Unfortunately, in other states striking up a conversation with a stranger in an elevator can lead to perceived flirtation, and phone numbers subsequently scrawled on pieces of cardboard to be slid under your door. Sometimes, being friendly for the sake of being friendly is just too difficult a concept for people to grasp. It's a struggle to survive in a community where everyone isn't in love with each other. If you get a flat tire in Illinois, chances are you
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won't find yourself surrounded by 6 different cars with 12 different people offering help to change the tire. A Minnesotan out in the rest of the cold, terrifying world experiences bouts of depression and loneliness. Watching a Minnesotan struggle in the urban wild is like watching an ugly puppy at the shelter never get adopted. All it wants is affection and approval, but is instead rejected on a daily basis for being “different.” No matter how hard they strive to spread joy across the world, people just aren't ready for “Minnesota Nice.”
what'’s inside
There may not be a good solution to this problem. Should Minnesotans simply confine themselves to the borders designated on the map? Or should they remain in an optimistic delusion about the harsher temperaments of humanity? We may never live in a world where it's normal to smile at every single person you pass while taking a casual stroll around the block. It may be a stretch that we'll ever live in a world where people will consistently acknowledge one another's presence while on the streets. Either way, Minnesotans can rest assured that they will remain the only marginalized members of society who are ridiculously happy about it.
How to Cope
Are you smarter than
Time to shave those hairy lady legs and frolic in the fields for some animalistic mating.
Walked in on your roommate midwank? Worry not! There is hope for curing Post Traumatic Fapping Encounter.
Derrick from Sally's can spell "Buenos Aires" backwards and look sexy while doing it.
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