The Black Sheep
FR la EE. ce .. l d ike to t ot ha sie t p ro eyo ll te po p.
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 7, Issue 9 10/24/12 -10/31/12
theblacksheeponline.com @MSUBlackSheep
Ghost Hunters: MSU Edition Hannah Borland wrote this
October 24, 2012 - Three experts of paranormal phenomena entered Mason Hall to conduct an investigation. Only one of them made it out. Below: the story MSU doesn’t want you to read. Note: all information and dialogue in this report was lifted from the investigators’ shaky night cam recordings of the event. “-got it checked out the other day. It’s chlamydi- are we turning cameras on?” A blonde female Ghost Hunter wearing a large hoodie stops, gesturing to her genitals. “We are,” answers the poorly disguised voice of Magic Johnson, “Ghost Hunter’s Log: October 24, 2012, seven days before Halloween. Outside of Mason Hall at my- I mean- basketball legend Magic Johnson’s alma mater. Reports of disembodied laughter and a mysterious pounding noise, as if someone were trying to escape from a locked room. One death in the building’s history: in the 1970’s a man was trapped in a walk-in freezer. Found four days later when residents retrieved some Burnett’s they had stashed there.” “They had Burnett’s back then?” chimes the third investigator, a male who is suspicious of Johnson’s historical accuracy. He bends as if to tie his shoes, but then seems to think better of it. “Man, of course they had Burnett’s back then! Can we get on with it?” Johnson’s camera focuses on the front door of Mason Hall, which still looks inviting despite the grisly death. One can see the grandeur of the architecture, designed with the assumption that no one there would die next to a bottle of cheap vodka. Johnson begins the walk toward the steps, and by his deep breathing and slight shaking it’s clear that he’s scared witless. Or that he’s an aging ex-athlete with a chronic disease. Nevertheless, the group presses on in to Mason Hall. “What the- all of the lights are on!” Several students look up from their various pursuits at Mr. Johnson’s exclamation. This was unforeseen. Discouraged, the group heads to the walk-in freezer to take electromagnetic readings.
that very few people regularly use. Terrifying.”
on!” She waves Johnson inside, who still stands unmoving.
As the team takes several readings with the meter, they begin to believe that there truly is a haunting in Mason Hall. Then, disembodied laughter rings out from… somewhere. And the power goes out.
“Ugh, fine. I’ll show you there’s nothing to be afraid of.” The male grabs Johnson’s arm and attempts to drag him into the freezer, but is impeded when he trips over his loose shoelaces. In the most impressive move since his retirement began, Johnson slams the door shut on the investigators that he now knows were planning to trap him.
“What the hell was that?!” The female investigator looks disturbed as she swings her camera in the direction of the cackling.
“Hmm,” says the male as he films the door of the operating freezer, “does it feel slightly cooler in this area to you guys, too? I think I might feel something.”
The unidentified male peers through the freezer door, looking for a specter. He then says to Johnson, “Why don’t you go in, check it out? We’ll be, uh, right behind you.”
“Yes,” replies Johnson, “there is definitely activity in this area by the, uh, Pepsi machine.” Johnson then begins to scan the area with an electromagnetic meter for any disturbances. “It is a fact that ghosts like to scare people by causing slight changes in electricity. And magnetism. Detectable only with an instrument
Johnson, now suspicious, shakes his head and passionately intones, “Fuck no.”
An East Lansing Monster Mash
With DJ Frankenstein spinning sick beats all night long!
page 4
“Fine, I’ll go first!” The blonde opens the mysteriously unlocked door and steps inside, “There’s nothing to be afraid of! Come
what’s inside
The Black Sheep Goes Goonies
Our staff goes on the hunt for some buried treasure.
page 5
“Dammit! Let us out, Magic!” the blonde rips off her wig to reveal an irate Tom Brady, while Denard Robinson kicks himself, literally, for not tying his shoelaces. “I can smell a tricky Wolverine from a mile away! Happy Halloween, fuckers!” Footage: Johnson high-fives students outside while evil icicles Brady and Robinson wonder why they ever thought they could trick a Spartan legend.
Halloween Costume Guide: The Skank-o-Meter
how skanky is your costume this year?
page 10