The Black Sheep
FRE
Vol. 10, Issue 8
THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
E... L FRO IKE B M Y RAC OUR KET SIS ADV TER ICE .
2/27/14 - 3/5/14
JUST THE TIPS: WHAT TO DO IN EAST LANSING DURING SPRING BREAK MOLLY BURFORD WROTE THIS If you’re lucky, this time next week you’ll be on the beach somewhere, soaking up Vitamin D (no, not the penis kind), doing body shots off strangers, and making other great spring break-y decisions like that. However, the honest likelihood is that a lot of Spartans will be stranded in the great, snowy banks of East Lansing for the week. But fret not, fellow Spartans. There are a number of ways to ensure your sanity while you camp out, sad and alone, in EL during your stay-cation. Pretend you’re in Florida: Just because you’re not in Florida, doesn’t mean you don’t get to be in a Florida state of mind! Hit up Rick’s and sweat it up on that sweaty dance floor. The humidity and heat radiating from all the other bodies will match the climate in Florida. If you find that nobody else is at Rick’s, because it’s spring break, just Google pictures of Florida and tape them in front of your eye balls. That should do the trick. Take advantage of your alone time, cry: Honestly, you’re not going to want to do much else. Being stuck in Michigan, especially during the worst winter we’ve had in a billion years, over the course of spring break is up there on the sadness scale with the Sarah McLachlan commercials. Well, maybe not that sad, but it’s still pretty damn depressing. Find your one true savior: Because you don’t have many other choices for company, and you know he is always looking for a listening ear, go find the Wells Preacher and engage him in an intellectual debate about the morality of MSU students. Spend hours convincing him that you’re not all going to go to Hell. Afterwards, you’re both going to be out of breath and spent after doing all that master debating, so take him out for a beer. Spending a spring break saving your soul sounds like time well spent to us. Soak in the emptiness of your apartment: Feeling sad that all of your roommates bailed on you for that Caribbean cruise? Oh, hell no. Walk around naked, eat your roommates’ food, blast your Frozen soundtrack endlessly, and make everything messy because your OCD roomie isn’t there to demand you clean it up. Drink all the alcohol in the house, poop with the door open, and binge eat ice cream in the bathtub because nobody’s there to judge you. This is sacred time that should not be squandered. Play with the other stranded EL vagrants: You could also round up a ragtag band of no bodies like yourself (no offense), and play tag. Not just any old game of tag, though — play hide and go seek tag in the
MSU Library. It has a relatively open floor plan, so get crazy. Don’t listen to those senile librarians yelling at you to stop running. As a matter of fact, bring your new friend Wells Hall Preacher with you and get him in on the action. Other ideas include, oh, maybe finishing a damn book for once in your
life, going to actually see that foreign film you keep telling everyone you saw before it hit the theatres, or trying Thai food so you don’t have to lie to people all the time. Hell, if you’re not into bettering yourself as a human, you could go outside and build a snowman. Or, come to think of it, we guess you could do your homework, too. As if that’s even a real thing.
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PROS AND CONS: WHITE PEOPLE WITH DREADLOCKS
A GENTLEMAN’S FORAY INTO THE WOMEN’S LOUNGE
THE MAGICAL CATA BUS
CHILL, BRA, WHILE WE WEIGH IN ON WHITE RASTAFARIANS
WE BREAK DOWN GENDER BARRIERS IN THIS REPORT ON THE UNION’S WOMEN’S LOUNGE.
Keep Up With Us! @BlackSheep_MSU • theblacksheeponline.com
FORGET MRS. FRIZZLE, THE CATA BUS HAS MR. DIZZLE AND MARSHMALLOW GIRL!