Volume 12
The Black Sheep
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The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Issue 13
THINGS TO DO AT MSU:
A REMAKE OF THE MSU CAMPUS GUIDE Albert Macklin wrote this
As a student at MSU, you’ve walked by them dozens of times, but never paid them much attention. MSU Visitor’s Guides are scattered around campus’ central locations, letting parents and other randoms know about the cool places to park their cars and walk around. The Black Sheep realized just how lame this guide was, and decided to make one of our own.
Parking: Unfortunately, you can’t park anywhere on campus. A quarter technically gets you eight minutes, but if you’re a millisecond late, the spawn of Satan (referred to lovingly on campus as “fucking PACE”) is there to hand you a parking ticket.
1) THE CORNER OF ALBERT AND M.A.C.
This is the first place any visitors should find themselves, as it puts them at the center of the campus’s bar district. Grab a beer from Harper’s brewery, sip a margarita on the roof at El Azteco, or choose from a wide selection of craft beers at HopCat. Drunkenly waste some time at Pinball Pete’s before heading to Conrad’s or Menna’s, or on Mondays, head across the street for a $2 Peppino’s Pizza.
6) THE ROCK
This central campus location is known not only for having a giant rock that gets painted every day, but also for giving out free stuff. Stroll by and pray that there’s a stand giving out free t-shirts or candy bars. Take all the pillage you can, and don’t forget it’s for a good cause.
7) BEAL BOTANICAL GARDENS
There are few sights more beautiful than the Spartan Stadium scoreboard lit up at night. Gaze at the massive stadium whenever you can, getting lost in the memories of all the bowls the Spartan Dawgs have won in the last few years.
9) STARBUCKS
You can find overpriced coffee just about anywhere on this campus. The Botanical Gardens are not only beautiful, but also View the ridiculously long line at Wells Hall, enjoy the drive-through secluded. Blaze up and look at all the plants, and you’ll on Grand River, or reward yourself for braving the “art museum,” all soon be marveling at their useful medicinal properties. while enjoying the traditional White Girl Special.
2) THE RED CEDAR RIVER
The river made famous in the MSU Fight Song is known for more than running through the nation’s greatest university. Peer into its depths and try to spot its most revered inhabitant: the used bicycle. If you find one, wade in and grab it for handy campus transportation!
3) MEXICAN FAST FOOD
Walk down Grand River Avenue and grab a burrito on any block. Whether you’re at Moe’s, Taco Bell, Chipotle, Qdoba, Pancheros, or even the Union’s Serrano’s, you’ll surely be stuffed and satisfied. Take the campus challenge and try to eat a burrito at each joint in one day! Don’t forget Los Tres Amigos!
4) WELLS HALL LAWN
The lawn outside Wells Hall is always bustling with activity. No matter what religious zealot you prefer, you’ll find him here! If you’re lucky, you might even see religious rivals get into heated, ignorant debate!
5) MSU DAIRY STORE
Want something soft to the touch, delicious on your tongue, and impossible to pronounce that isn’t a Russian whore? Try MSU-made Sesquicentennial Swirl, the best cake batter ice cream you’ll ever eat!
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8) SPARTAN STADIUM
APRIL 15TH 2015 - APRIL 22ND 2015
10) MSU UNION
The Union not only contains a bank, a Biggby, and another Dairy Store, but it also serves as a great place to study. Generally, The Black Sheep defines “studying” as sipping from a flask while making sex jokes about the building’s artwork, but you can “study” using any method you prefer.
11) THE CYCLOTRON
Nobody really knows what it actually is, but they know damn well that it’s important. The Cyclotron is a major point of pride at MSU, despite the fact that it likely houses a Decepticon.
12) THE STATE NEWS HEADQUARTERS
The State News is like the New York Times of MSU, minus the credibility, respectability, and readability. Its HQ, however, looks really cool. Watch out for a number of Kodak Moments as you pass the impressive front pages that adorn its windows.
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