The Black Sheep KROGHETTO FABULOUS
Fre e! L put ike th on o e po ver und bre s yo ak. u ..
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Volume 6
Issue 2
Erica Ryder wrote this
The destruction of our beloved Kroghetto last March brought about a widespread panic among neighboring college students and dorm residents. An oasis amidst a desert of bad campus food with a marvelously secluded self-checkout, Kroghetto was perfect for preserving your anonymity when purchasing your collegiate basics: a month’s supply of ramen, pregnancy tests (for uh… your friend) or most ashamedly, a 6-pack of raspberry Smirnoff Ice. So, naturally, as our cherished Kroghetto was pried from our desperately clutching Wildcat claws, the weight of a lost convenience forced us to face the reality of our pseudo-independence. Slowly but surely, we grew accustomed to trading homework answers, meal swipes, and the occasional sexual favor in exchange for rides to the very distant and very sub-par Nicholasville Road Kroger. And in an act demonstrative of the perseverance of the collegiate spirit, and undying need for aforementioned college necessities, we developed a compliant, almost positive attitude in the face of this adversity, growing hopeful of the new Kroghetto to come. And finally, on the 22nd of January, after a duration of time that seemed to take almost as long as your girlfriend, the Kroghetto finally came. In a wonderful, bizarre, and fittingly dramatic ceremony, Coach Cal cut the ribbon. Although finally being able to shop in this nostalgic location was comparable to the satisfying end of a month-long dry spell, one couldn’t help but to feel that something was off. Complete with a Walk-In Beer Castle, Sushi Bar, a Fresh Seafood Department (be sure to swing by before hosting your next cocktail party), a Soup and Salad Bar, a goddam Specialty Cheese Shop, Kitchen Place, a Nature’s Market health food section, Starbucks (as if you didn't pass 6 of those on your way over there), as well as café by the deli that reeks of redundancy and is outfitted with Wi-Fi and big screen TVs. It seems Kroghetto has become Kroghetto Fabulous. And it's uncertain if we’re comfortable with that. Kroghetto is fabulously designed to fit our every need. But college students have a more notable, yet enigmatic need; a need for a place where we can actually be a college kid ‑ A
need for peace-of-mind. There was something so reassuring about the atmosphere of old Kroghetto that made getting your card declined feel like just another fun college experience. But how is that going to feel when it happens next time, as it does without fail just before every paycheck. You’ll look around and see people buying sushi and overpriced art off of literally every wall as the machine makes that attentionasserting beeping noise and you get pooh-poohed at by the cashier just like that time you asked your waiter for a bottle of A1 to go with your Ruth’s Chris steak like a classless fool. The new Kroghetto Fabulous is going to take some getting used to. Maybe after a second wind of that collegiate-spirit
mentioned earlier we might not feel the need to dress like we're going on a hot date. And maybe after working our way down to sweatpants and Nikes we may even accept Kroghetto Fabulous into our timid hearts. More positively, It's enormous size, 86,000 square feet to be exact, does serve to offer us a much wider selection of food, or even give us the option to buy a two-month’s supply of ramen as opposed to the one… and The Black Sheep will be damned if we don’t feel like Xenon, Girl of the 21st Century while ascending to the rooftop parking in that elevator with a fancy shopping cart full of Nature’s Market health food… Alright we’ll admit it, Kroghetto Fabulous is pretty badass.
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PAGES 12-13
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