Kentucky - Issue 15 - 5/1/2014

A W SEENTIS R D E S PRE E F R E E D O M U A H A N E G A N D A C M S H E I I S S U E L P E E H S K C A L B THE

THE FUN AND GAMES ISSUE Volume 3, Issue 15 • 5/1/2014 @UKBlackSheep

T H E

I

>>

Meet the Staff <<

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The napping aftereffect of smoking entirely too much weed. Like, a lot.

“’Dude, I’m tombstoned,’ Tanner sighed, laying down the pipe, ‘I think I’m going to go nap for a while.’”

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the quiz

What UK Celebrity Internship Will You Have This Summer?

Megan Ingros wrote this

1. When asked to make a coffee run, you… a. Get it right away, no questions asked. You’re willing to make the drive to Common Grounds, Cup of Commonwealth, Starbucks or wherever! b. Coffee? Sounds great, this hangover sucks. You’ll take a grande latte from whoever is getting it. c. Sure you’ll get it, on your own time, and you’ll probably drink some of it in the car.

5. You chose this internship because… a. You get to stay in Lexington for the summer; this internship is a small price to pay to have the luxury of freedom, your own place and no parents. b. You see this as an opportunity to achieve alone time with one of the basketball players. c. You spent all your parents’ money and have to find a way to make them proud of you again.

2. You always show up to work… a. Early or on time, but most certainly never late! b. Still drunk from last night’s specials at Rincon Mexicano, you’re on time but look like shit. c. After you wake and bake. You’re always a little late because you need to stop and get breakfast, breakfast is the most important meal of the day!

6. At work you’re known as… a. The office bitch. You’ll do whatever is asked of you and provide compliments to everyone you see. b. ”Intern,” your name is in your job description. Half the staff didn’t even know that there was even an intern here. c. “The CATS guy,” no one really knows your background story or what you do, but you’re always chanting the CATS cheer drunk at those after-work gatherings.

3. Most of your time is spent… a. Perusing the inter-web, reading satire articles on The Black Sheep. b. Making your minimal work seem like maximum effort, , you clever s-o-b! c. Diligently working away and organizing what you can in your spare time, Adderall has you replacing the janitors.

4. You view a boss-intern relationship as… a. An opportunity for a new drinking buddy to hit up Tin Roof with after work. b. Very serious, you only hookup in the janitors’ closet with your co-worker once a week. c. Overrated. You know that one day you could be your boss’ boss, you’re way underpaid and smarter than anyone here.

answer key:

7. When answering the phone at work, you say… a. You’re just an intern and will connect them with whoever is in charge. b. It is hard to hear anything you say from all your muffled crying as you try and choke back what a hard time you’re having. c. You pose as your boss and try and persuade whomever you’re talking to.

8. When put in a group setting, you…. a. Don’t listen to anyone who isn’t your boss and refuse to put in any serious effort. You’ve been over group work since CIS 110, screw this. b. Are the most enthusiastic of the bunch; you love people even tough you have no idea what is really going on! c. Won’t be found by anyone in your group until the end of summer.

8-12: Stone Cold Willow’s Assistant: This is definitely unpaid. You’re really getting to know the in’s and out’s of Lexington… and Cane’s. You’re also learning the important skill of relaxation this summer and how to barely get by on what you have.

13-19: Ashley Judd’s Filer: You’re just a common worker bee. Trying to spice up this internship with a sexy summer fling, you’re the office flirt who gets away with doing the least amount of work you can. You’re more interested in who is going out to Two Keys after work. This summer is all about making connections for you…romantic or not… and you’re climbing the social ladder.

20-24: Coach Cal’s Right Hand: You’ve got spunk! You’re a natural-born leader; you already know the most important skill of becoming boss, which is to get away with not doing anything. You worked hard to create the illusion that you’re a hard worker and will be gaining an impressive internship to place on your resume.

1) A=3 B=2 C=1 • 2) A=3 B=2 C=1 • 3) B=2 A=3 C=1 • 4) A=2 B=1 C=3 • 5) A=2 B=3 C=1 • 6) A=3 B=1 C=2 • 7) A=2 B=1 C=3 • 8) A=1 B=3 C=2

AROUND CAMPUS

LIMITED TIME ONLY-FALL 2014

1 MONTH FREE RENT

LATE FOR FINALS EXCUSES:

A FIELD GUIDE

Rates

LUKE TROXELL WROTE THIS Finals week is upon us, folks. It’s time to slither your way through one of the longest weeks of your semester, and then run home to your momma for a hot toddy and a bowl of chicken noodle soup. Still, you gotta get there first, and by “there,” we mean to your actual exams. Yep, better start compiling that list of clever excuses to why you were late to all your finals. The Black Sheep will give you some USDA-approved bullshit that would work as an excuse for any professor.

Traffic on Nicholasville: The infamous clusterfuck that is N-ville Road is more crowded than a paddy wagon on State Street during March Madness. Anyone who lives in Lexington knows this. All you can do is hope and pray that your STA 291 professor has a car so he can understand the feeling one gets when that dipshit in the grey Scion doesn’t let you merge, which results in you being 30 minutes late for his bullshit final.

Chem-Phys exploding: So, some dedicated UK fans tried to clone the 2012 National Title basketball team, and in doing so they exploded the Chem-Phys Building. Chem-Phys exploded, blocking Columbia, all walks around the building, and the shortcut through the President’s House.

You’ll need to arrive at your final covered in dust and be dedicated to your lie for your professor to take you seriously. Be sure to make it seem like you’re in a more desperate situation than Scratch at a furry party.

Pint Night at Pazzo’s was too good: Pint Night at Pazzo’s during finals week means you’re going to try to drink three pints for every final you have left. It’s easy to lose track of time when there’s awesome pizza, pitchers of beer, and a ton of better things to do than cram before your CHE 105 final that you’re going to fail anyway, so we’re sure your TA will understand. This can double as an excuse as to why you walk into your final far too drunk to figure out the periodic table. All you’ll need is a professor with a good heart and an extremely damaged liver for this excuse to work.

starting

It’d help if you brought them a slice of pizza, too.

as low as

The Foot Stabber breaks free: With spring weather comes short shorts, flip-flops, and the Foot Stabber waking from hibernation. If you said “screw it” and wore flip-flops anyway, despite the closed-toed-shoe-connoisseur freely roamin’, then you’re playing an intense game of high-stakes hide-and-go-seek to save your little piggies. That means the trip to class is more elegant-footwork-tango than dead-on straightline sprint. Hopefully your professor is also a flipflop fan, then she’ll feel empathetic for you, and this excuse will work.

Willy T. invaded by the Feds: Some kid spent the whole dead week laid up in Kirwan Tower, watching Breaking Bad from start to finish. He’s already made up his mind that he isn’t going to tolerate these bullshit gen-ed finals anymore and finally pursues his get rich quick fantasy on the 6th floor of Willy T. He’s an amateur, so his plan gets foiled as soon as the scent from his meth cookery seeps through the air ducts. You’re in the middle of your third stress-cry-sesh of the evening when the Feds bust the doors down at Willy T. Hundreds of SWAT guys storm into the library, completely ignoring the stunned Willy T. security guards who are frantically yelling at them to show some ID before entering. The Feds won’t let anyone in or out of the library, and you can’t make your GEO 109 final in time. Make sure that you Photoshop a picture with the Feds that invaded, like you did on State Street, for this excuse to work.

These excuses are the best way we could help y’all out during Finals Week, guys. We hope they were some assistance to you. You’re going to miss 30% of the questions on your final, so now at least you have valid excuses to be 30 or more minutes late to it. That’s more time to drink beers, make regretful end-of-the-semester decisions, and decide if being a fifth year senior would be so bad after all.

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AROUND CAMPUS SEND US YOUR PARTY PICS TO PICS@THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

ON THE STREETS WHAT FICTIONAL FINAL WOULD YOU MOST EASILY GET A 100% ON? Allison, Sophomore

“Memorizing the Tolly Ho menu.”

Mahmoud, Sophomore

“Being Egyptian.”

Derek, Junior

“Getting drunk at Keeneland 400, definitely an upper division class.”

06

THE M.A.S.H.

THE

SUMMER LOVIN’ EDITION oh come on, you remember how to play! tally some marks on the paper for as long as your brain tells you to, then count through the whole list and cross off whatever corresponds with that number. when there’s only one left in each category, boom, that’s your future. live it, love it.

Summer Slampiece: - Sexy Secretary Intern - Punk Festival Princess - Golf Cart Girl - Ice Cream Truck Ice Queen Summer Sex Slave: - Bad Boy Barista - Mall Kiosk Sunglasses Guy - Toned and Tan Lifeguard - Ring Toss Carnie Where You First “Made Love”: - Looking at the stars at Lucky Man’s Pass - The supply closet on your lunch break - On your parents’ bed when they were away - In the McDonald’s ball pit after hours Most Nights are Spent: - Cuddling in front of a campfire - Forgetting each other’s names at the bar - Looking for someone with a dime bag - Watching baseball on TV

The First Big Fight Happens When You Can’t get Tickets to: - X-Men: Days of Future Past - 22 Jump Street - Maleficent - Jupiter Ascending You Spend the Fourth of July: - On a boat with some beer - At a family gathering meet-n-greet - Shoving firecrackers up frogs’ butts - Stuck working a stupid shift Road Trip Destination: - Bonnaroo!

- Cedar Point - A National Park camp site - To take care of his/her sick grandma Awkward Break-Up Platitude: - “Summer lovin’, had me a blast.”

- “One year from today, exactly, let’s meet here in this very spot.”

- “I’ll wait for you, I swear.”

- “Chlamydia’s not contagious, right?”

TOP

TEN

SUMMER JOBS IN LEXINGTON REBECA ANDERSON WROTE THIS

Summertime is here, and once finals are over you’re scot-free to drink all day and party all night, if you can afford to, that is. Since you’re staying in Lexington this summer, you won’t be privy to all of the “at home” luxuries you’ve had every other summer before. So, here’s a list of the top ten summer jobs in Lexington. Now get off your ass and go apply.

10.) Babysitting: Do you like pretending to be a parent to three kids under the age of ten for thirteen dollars an hour? If so, then this is definitely the job for you! Just sit back, relax, and try not to fall asleep as you watch their swim team practice at the Beaumont YMCA. 9.) Cheech and/or Chong: More students stay in Lexington for the summertime than you think, and they need to get their weed somewhere. That’s where you come crashing through their wall like the Kool-Aid man with dime bags bulging from your pocket.

8.) Campus Tour Guide: So basically the university pays you to size up the next class of fresh meat while leading them on a winding trail through campus in khakis and a polo. “Here we have the South Campus Complex, where many poor life decisions have been made, and many a Burnett’s handle has been snuck into Kirwan Tower. Once your parents are gone, I’ll tell you how to do it yourself.”

7.) Hugh Jass Server: You may not be able to get shitfaced while on the clock, but work can still be fun when your drunk friends come to you. The atmosphere is great, drunk people tip well, and let’s be honest, Hugh Jass is so college.

6.) Lexington Country Club: Whether you’re a server, caddy, or someone’s bitch, nothing beats being at the beck and call of Lexington’s finest. The tips are good, and that nanny lying by the pool with the kids has great tits.

5.) YMCA Beaumont Camp Counselor: If Disney Channel’s Heavyweights taught us anything, it’s that you can absolutely despise children and still effectively run a summer camp. Plus, there will always be another counselor around to hear you bitch about the kids in your group.

4.) Kennedy’s Bookstore: Unloading and arranging next semester’s books can be a little depressing.

Then again, with a Kennedy’s discount, maybe you won’t have to shell out more money than your first month’s rent on books you won’t open until midterms.

3.) Summer Intersession Courses: Okay, so this isn’t technically a job, but it might as well be. While all of your friends are at the Townhomes, hammered by 11 a.m. and throwing each other into the pool, you’re sitting at home doing homework for a class that you should have passed last semester.

2.) American Greek: Making t- shirts for the various sororities preparing for next semester’s bid day is probably the easiest job you’re gonna find. Plus, you get to work with hot people your own age. It’s basically The Real World of Lexington.

1.) Lifeguarding: Before you prop yourself up and start dozing off behind your Ray-Ban aviators, make sure that drunken frat boy doesn’t pass out while he’s still in the water.

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Wednesday 5/6

c

g t t

hannah weyer wrote this

b

The weather’s warming up,

the schools are getting out, and all over America people are flocking to the beaches to enjoy the rays of our beautifully benign sun, splash each other with water and read trashy novels with their toes in the sand. Even at night, the world’s beaches are a special kind of magical as stars glitter on the water and bonfires burn old tests and new joints for miles and miles. Beaches are wonderful little reminders that life is pretty rad.

Just like everyone else, the Dark Lord Cthulhu loves going to the beaches in the summer when he can get away from R’lyeh. He likes playing in the polluted ocean that leaks sewage and grime into his underwater prison. He likes letting his tentacles loose and devouring the souls of the innocent.

He loves showing off his fashionable Speedos. That’s why summer is this Old God’s favorite Earth season!

But oh no! Following a forced paternity test by evil temptress Kris, it looks like Cthulhu the Dread will be spending summer with someone new this year! Kim Kardashian, the spoiled American princess who rose to the top with her father’s Dread Power and criminally loose morals and vaginas! Now she wants to bond with the Elder God she never knew through a child—a young granddaughter—she never cared about.

nm

Cthulhu knows the power of a beach day.

On his first Saturday with his daughter since her two-weeklong Dread Conception, he suggests they head to a SoCal beach to hang out and catch up. Kim Kardashian throws a tantrum and locks herself in the bathroom to cry for a half hour.

Cthulhu doesn’t know what he said.

A little voice shouts up at Cthulhu. “Ay, man,” Kanye West says angrily. “Why you gotta go upset my bitch like that?

Ain’t you know who I am, motherfucker?”

Cthulhu does not.

Kanye puts his hands on his hips. “Ain’t you know my bitch just had a baby? Ain’t you know nothin’?! Bitch ain’t got no bathin’ suits fittin’, son!”

drags a swimming couple to the bottom of his Terrible Lake and pierces them with his spines. The male puts up a fight and breaks Gla’aki’s spine, rendering himself dead and useless, but the female is the perfect puppet. Gla’aki sends her into the Terrible Light Which He Cannot Endure with fabric samples and last year’s Kohl’s swimsuit catalogue.

dy! DADDY!”

But that’s just not good enough for the Spawn of Cthulhu!

The Dread God flips through the catalogue, frustrated. This suit is too slutty for his daughter, but THIS one is too proper!

This fabric is too rough, and this one is too garish! Infuriated, Cthulhu the Dread rips off the slave girl’s arms and draws up a new design, stuffing the lined paper in her mouth and sending her back to Gla’aki.

“Uncle Gtu!” Kim shouts. “Uncle Gtu, we can’t find a parking spot!”

Gla’aki loves it. Within an hour, Gla’aki has stolen, drowned and skinned six babies, sewing the soft, pale hides together into a perfectly styled swim suit for Kim. He sends it with a fresh slave and his love.

Kim loves her new suit and finally comes out of the bathroom.

nm

Now that Kim

is dressed in a fashionable couture she can’t wait for the paparazzi to see, she and Cthulhu are ready to go to the beach! Cthulhu has rented a Benz just for the occasion and before they know it, they’re on the road.

They run into trouble immediately. SoCal traffic is more evil than Cthulhu could have ever dreamed. In thirty minutes, they’ve traveled maybe two miles on the highway. On top of that, Cthulhu is more than a mile tall and doesn’t fit very comfortably in the tiny car.

“DADDYYYYYYY,” Kim screams up at the Dread Prince. “I’M BOOOOORED!!”

Cthulhu turns on the radio to his favorite pop station and bounces his head.

“NO, DADDY,” Kim screams. She switches the radio to a rap station and begins swearing along with Eminem.

That music is a bad influence, Cthulhu decides. He turns it back to Lorde and Kim whines.

The Dread God hadn’t considered this, and now he feels bad for making his daughter self-conscious about the flab of skin on her belly she hasn’t had surgically removed yet.

Now Cthulhu doesn’t know what to do.

“Daddyyyyy, why do you hate meeeee?” Kim slumps back in her seat and moodily sips the white chocolate truffle latte Cthulhu bought her at Starbucks before they left.

“Motherfucker,” Kanye West says helpfully. “Bitches gotta be feelin’ they the only bitches for you. You gotta make her feel she fine as fuck, know wha’ I’m sayin’?”

Cthulhu hates all things. Kim is not special. But he can’t say that, or Kris will sue him for 33 years of child support. He can only flex his skyscraper-length wings and switch the radio back to Eminem.

Cthulhu does know what the tiny mortal is saying. And he knows just what to do!

Gla’aki, the Lord of Dead Dreams is the first to answer the Call of Cthulhu. When the Inhabitant of the Lake hears that Kim needs a new swimsuit, Gla’aki is excited. Swimsuits and nightmares are the Lord of Dead Dreams’ favorite! Gla’aki

The beach lot is full by the time Kim and Cthulhu get there.

Cthulhu drives up and down the rows and rows of cars, trying to stay calm, but Kim’s constant whining is wearing his patience thin.

“Daddy, I’m hot! It’s too hot out, Daddy! Hurry up, I wanna go swimming! DADDY! Daddy, what’s taking so long? Dad-

The second to answer the Call of Cthulhu is Gtuhanai, Cthulhu’s brother. Gtuhanai, the Destroyer of Gods, descends upon the earth with a terrible roar and great gnashing of iron teeth.

Gtuhanai glares at his brother. For an Eater of Gods, the massive metal vortex is wasted on such petty requests.

Cthulhu sighs and hands Gtuhanai a handful of souls from the beach. The Destroyer sighs and devours the entire line of cars in the handicapped spots. They finally park and get out of the Benz.

nm

As the beach-goers fled,

screaming when Gtuhanai appeared like an iron monsoon in the sky, Cthulhu and Kim have the entire coast to themselves.

The Dread One thinks about asking Kim to tell him about herself. He does not have to ask.

“Omigawd, Daddy, like, where even are the paparazzi? I want them to see me in my baby suit! North is, like, such a stupid fucking name, right? We were totally high when thought of it! North West, get it? No, it’s cool, we trended on Twitter for, like, a week! Hey, if we name the next one ‘South,’ do you think we can get a sponsored private plane out of it?

Daddy, I want ice cream.”

A single solitary figure approaches Cthulhu and his daughter from the parking lot. Cthulhu stops and turns to greet the cat-headed Istasha, the Mistress of Darkness.

Kim elbows Cthulhu’s ankle. “Is she wearing baby-leather too? Daddy, that’s MY thing! Say something!”

Istasha looks from Cthulhu to his demon-spawn. Her ears flatten aggressively.

Kim Kardashian doesn’t take no shit. “Excuse YOU,” she hisses. “Do you even know who I am? Bitch, you better high-tail it outta here before I get my Daddy to take you out! This is MY beach, and that’s MY style! Run away, kitty!”

Istasha smoothes her baby-leather sundress calmly and flexes her claws.

“Did you hear me, you ugly whore?” Kim shouts. She storms up and pokes Istasha in the chest threateningly. “You come back wearing something else, or you don’t come back at all!

I am the daughter of the Bringer of Darkness and Cthulhu!

You get on my bad side, I’ll-” Istasha suddenly unhinges her jaw and shoves Kim Kardashian’s head between her teeth. She bites off half of the Unholy One’s skull and the screaming stops abruptly. Istasha chews thoughtfully and looks up at the Dread Prince Cthulhu.

He breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank Christ.”

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Are You SMARTER

THAN?

1) Literature: This Harper Lee classic won the 1961 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction.

2) Food: Chanterelle and Porcini are types of this produce.

3) Geography: Europe’s microstate Andorra is sandwiched between the borders of two countries. Name one.

4) Music: What 80s rap group struck anti-establishment gold with hits like, “Straight Outta Compton” and “F*** the Police”?

5) Biology: The 21 variations of these organic compounds found in the human body allow it to produce thousands of different proteins.

CATHY, DIRECTOR OF STUDENT SERVICES FOR THE COLLEGE OF COMM & INFO

6) Technology: What tech giant recently bought Oculus VR for $2 billion?

7) Television: What sitcom classic ends with the main character telling a stranger, “Sorry, we’re closed”?

8) Fashion: What hairstyle is defined as a cut with short layers on top with the back left long?

9) Art: Water Lilies is a series of about 250 oil paintings by what French impressionist?

10) Sports: What Hall of Fame-elect was famously known as “The Big Hurt”?

Cathy’s Answers

Correct Answers

1) To Kill a Mockingbird 2) Mushroom 3) France or Spain 4) I have no idea, I’m too old!

5) Amino acids 6) Google 7) Cheers 8) Mullet 9) Claude Monet 10) I have no idea

1) To Kill a Mockingbird 2) Mushroom 3) France or Spain 4) N.W.A. 5) Amino acids 6) Facebook 7) Cheers 8) Mullet 9) Claude Monet 10) Frank Thomas

Cathy’s Score: 7 out of 10

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DRINKING GAME WALKING HOME FROM YOUR LAST FINAL Cassandra Shouse wrote this

You’ve put away your pencils, turned in your blue books and Scantrons, and you’re officially finished with the semester. Who says you need to wait until you get home to celebrate? You beat the odds and didn’t get frost bite when the Bluegrass State was held in a chokehold by the polar vortex, you managed to come off State Street with your life and limbs intact, and you didn’t lose your metaphorical shirt (and paycheck) at Keeneland. After all that, you’ve earned the right to get stupid drunk immediately following the finals you just took.

say rum ’n Coke, pour out half of your 20 oz, and fill the rest of the bottle up with Bacardi. Roll gently to mix and slip it in your backpack.

-In that moment when you put your faithful number–two pencil away for the last time, take out your drink.

-Waste no time and start sipping as soon as you leave the classroom. Imagine epic explosions going off behind you, don’t look back.

What you’ll need: -Your preferred beer(s) or mixed drink, depending on the level of stress your exams have induced.

-A 20 oz soda (it’s a chaser and container, all in one!), koozie for the braver and bolder soul, or one of those free water bottles you picked up outside the Student Center.

Number of Players: Just your sweet self. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend who has classes with you, ask them to join in as well.

Level of Intoxication: You won’t be able to spell ”finals” by the end.

Take a drink when: -You finish your exam more than 10 minutes before it’s supposed to end. You’ve earned it.

-You pass a trashcan full of a semester’s worth of notes or you see a pile of them lying in the hallway.

-A squirrel gives you a judgmental look.

-Take another if you give a judgmental look to two squirrels fighting over a stale piece of pizza or lost Chick-fil-A waffle fry.

-You overhear the words, “graduation,” “fail,” or “pass.”

-When you walk by Willy T. Take a drink, give the finger.

-You run into those students whose summers started the day dead week began and they didn’t see any reason in still toting their monogrammed L.L. Bean backpack to class.

How to Play: -Before you head out to take your last final before summer vacation, prepare your drink(s). If you’re going for something stronger,

Drink two swigs when: -You happen upon someone uncontrollably sobbing outside of a Kirwan.

-Take a third for your fallen comrade. Offer them a sip if you’re feeling generous.

-You spot a professor smoking a cigarette and smirking mercilessly at the intersection of Rose and Columbia.

-You have to take a detour home because of construction; it’s less annoying the more drunk you are.

-Join in when you pass by people day drinking on their porches and stoops on Waller.

-You hear profanity specifically relating to finals, a professor, or genius classmate who ruined any chance at a curve.

Finish your drink when: - You reach your doorway so you can start on another three (dozen) when you get in.

The Game Ends When: It’s officially the summer. No one is going to judge you if you’re hammered before 3 in the afternoon. It’s not like you have class the next day.

Cleaning Out Your Kirwan Dorm Room

the madlib

The last day of the semester finally approaches, and you’re feeling a little __1__. You’ve just taken your last __2__ final, and it was __3__ because you were up so late the night before __4__. Now that your finals are finished, you have one more very important task before you go live with your __5__ for the summer: cleaning out your dorm room.

Then, while cleaning out from under your mattress, you find something crazy: your old __14__. “I’ve missed this thing!” you exclaim, holding it up in the air like a mighty __15__. “We used to have so much fun together . . . I can’t believe it’s been gone until now!” In joy, you begin to cuddle it to your __16__, smiling like a UK fan after a win against Loserville.

You bought all the necessary boxes and __6__, and you’re as calm and ready as the night you went to that __7__-themed party. You make it back from White Hall, put your key in your lock, and open your door—only to find your roommate in the __8__ position with your __9__ poster.

“Uh . . . dude?” says your roommate. “I’m going to leave now. I hope you have a good summer vacation in __17__.”

Wide-eyed, your roommate, __10__, looks up and quickly apologizes for how the situation looks. “I was only __11__ it!” they say.

Too weirded out to ask questions, you take your __12__ poster and begin to pack it away with your __13__ collection.

Tast

You wave goodbye, still clutching the __18__ lovingly.

“You too, roomie.” Your roommate turns to go, but then stops. “I have a confession to make. I just thought you should know I haven’t been the most __19__ roommate.

I drank all of your __20__, burned a hole in your __21__ . . . and oh yeah, I also banged your __22__ that one time.”

You silently stand there, too __23__ to speak. The door closes as your roommate leaves, leaving you alone in a dorm room full of boxes and __24__.

“What the __25__?!” you yell.

r, e Bee w Prices m o s Awe , and Lo e y Win

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Taylor Carden wrote this

1) Emotion 2) Class you wish existed at UK 3) Adjective 4) Weekend activity that ends in “-ing” (ex- dancing) 5) Safari animal, plural 6) Item you can buy at a gas station at 2 a.m.

7) Major historical event 8) Sex position 9) Celebrity you hate the most 10) Pet name 11) Verb that ends in “-ing” 12) Same as #9 13) Childhood toy

14) Item you can buy in a sex shop 15) Medieval weapon 16) Body part 17) Location of your favorite season of The Real Housewives 18) Same as #14 19) Adjective 20) Chemical liquid 21) Favorite clothing item 22) Family member 23) Emotion 24) Something you’re embarrassed to admit you own, plural 25) Swear word