Restrained Elegance: Justin Gawel’s College Wine Corner
justin - michigan state
Wine: A topic that tends to elude even the most academically engaged college student. Solution: Justin Gawel’s College Wine Corner. Use this guide as a reference and tour guide through the vast wine country that is the city of East Lansing. The next time you’re savoring a glass of one of these favorite college selections, be sure to interject one of these enlightening descriptions. It’s a surefire way to impress, as well as demonstrate the capabilities of your mind grapes.
Franzia-Merlot A medley of poor choices and embarrassment titillates my pallet. Franzia’s Merlot has a bold flavor that is perfect for drinking straight from the bag. Contains hints of oak, driftwood, and vomit. Wait, I think that puke is coming from the other way… perfect for complementing chicken, veal, and Plan B. MD 20/20 –Banana Red Although this doesn’t come from a traditional vineyard in the sense that it’s actually a low-end fortified wine made in a filthy factory in western New York, it still bears a resoundingly sweet taste with overwhelming flavors of grain alcohol and sugar. A rather contemporary “Bum Wine,” if you will. Banana Red is ideal for accompanying a heroin addiction and sadness.
Yellowtail-Shiraz The large-sized jug speaks to the frugal and economical mind in us, while the dark bottle and bold logo speak to the elegance and sophistication we desire to personify. A rich blend of dark fruits with a smidgen of cream is perfect when entertaining underage co-eds, while also flexing your intellectual prowess on the subject of wine. Try with swordfish, sushi, and statutory rape charges. Herding Cats Chardonnay-Viognier A South African fusion of old and new-flavors of expression, rugby and Apartheid will tango across your taste buds in a choreographed number that truly deserves Tony consideration. With hints of chestnut, sage, and social hostility, you’ll swear that you can almost hear a vuvuzela. Pair it with pasta or a culture of crime for that authentic South African flavor that would make Nelson Mandela himself swoon. Thunderbird An all-American classic that’s as patriotic as fireworks, apple pie, or war. With its roots in mostly urban locales, this modestly priced beverage tickles the pallet with a milieu of garden flavors as well as the unmistakable aroma of unleaded gasoline. Wonderful counterpart to fried food and your favorite Bone Thugs-n-Harmony mix.
Medieval Movies
Martin Lawrence starred in which terribly-rated 2001 film that revolved around him working at a scummy Medieval theme park?
Franzia-Sunset Blush Airier, crisper, and all around charmingly sweet. Sunset Blush has a pungent aroma that perpetually reminds us of hiking a mountain, our carefree summers abroad, or that one Wine Wednesday we threw up in a taxi. Complement the natural fruit cocktail essence of this wine with the refreshing flavor of a fruity cock. Boone’s Farm- Blackberry Ridge Speaks to the country boy in all of us. The waning summer sun dipping behind the tree line, the dogs rustling through the thicket, and my alcoholic grandfather stammering about how he needs more of his “fun-juice” while my grandmother sobs quietly in the distance. An array of fruity flavors is sweet to the lips and a perfect complement to a lifetime of abuse and neglect.
Well, there you have it—a complete (college) guide to wine for the aspiring connoisseur in all of us. Now go get drunk and tell us what you think!
answers are a few from here
In the film Princess Bride, what does Buttercup’s farmhand always say when she asks him to do something?
Which 2005 Tony Awardwinning musical was influenced by Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
Since the 1900s, how many different film and television series have been made worldwide about the character Robin Hood?