The Black Sheep
Fr nowee...l th ike t at h yo e fe u’r eli e b ng ack you at hav sc hoo e l.
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
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Volume 2, Issue 1 1/12/12 - 2/01/12
round two Merritt Rethlake wrote this
Winter break — otherwise known as a three week hangover. If you’re anything like the average college student, you spent the majority of your time with your family and hometown friends. You can love them or you can hate them. Either way, that means you’ve been drinkin’. Your days and nights have been filled with laughs, tears, and awkward realizations. Where’s Grandma? Who cares. We got a surplus of Crown Royal. And pie. You spend hour after hour on the couch, not bothering to move a muscle. Why? Because it’s winter break and the amount of fucks you give is zero. Well, it’s time to break the news to you: Spring semester is no longer in the distance, daunting thought. It’s upon us. In the meantime, you better retrain your stomach. And your liver. It has been spoiled these last couple of weeks because you’ve been drinking the booze out of mom and dad’s fridge (like a boss). All too soon it will be demanded of you to know the day of the week, where you are, and how to spell your name. The agony. The good news is that spring semester is not nearly as harsh of an awakening as fall semester. What fall semester has taught you: you kinda have somewhat of an idea of what is expected of you over the next few months. You should at least know by now to print off your own damn syllabus and you know not to buy your textbooks until absolutely necessary. You now know CyRide comes 10 minutes early when you are on time and comes 15 minutes behind schedule when you’re already running late. You also know that finals do, in fact, impact your grades. You’ll always hold a special place in your heart for Web CT, but you’ve already accepted the fact you’ll need to adapt to Blackboard’s mysterious ways. You know the 68-person line at Caribou is the standard, and that it is possible for the Bookends Café to run out of snacks during dead week. You got schooled in the do’s and do not’s of career fair etiquette. And most importantly, you were
Other stuff
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educated in how to host a bitchin’ Cyclone tailgate. What spring semester will teach you: the word “spring” is so deceiving. It makes you think you’re heading back to Ames to find tropical weather. Reality hits quick when it’s cold as shit and Uggs have not yet gone extinct. You will learn (or be reminded) that VEISHEA is both a friend and an enemy; a dream and a nightmare; Tom Cruise in Top Gun and Tom Cruise now. The point is, figure out your drinking plan for that week so that you’re not eating Advil like it’s candy for the weeks that follow. The spring will make you a seasoned expert in beer pounding, as you’ll have to prepare for many cultured events, like spring break. This semester will also inspire you to follow the ever-popular trend of wearing shorts once it hits 40 degrees in March. The point is, you are aware by now that college is a balancing act. Just channel Cirque du Soleil and you’ll be golden. And cue up that small talk speech because every
mindless lemming out there will pretend they want to hear how your break was and by all means, share your stories about grandma and her hairless cats. Soon enough you’ll fall back into your routine of Face-creeping, Tweetsifting, and professor-rating. Keep in mind that professors are always going to throw you curveballs, no matter how well you think you know the system. Think you know how to properly fill in a bubble on a standardized test? Think again. Think you’ll be writing an essay in that blue book? Not likely. I truly think some professors simple enjoying playing mind games on students. Other just constantly search for ways to make us “achieve a higher level of academic excellence” and “challenge our intellect” or whatever. But don’t let that discourage you. Just remember when it comes to spring semester and your classes, be prepared to think outside the box. And when it comes to spring semester and raging, be prepared to think outside the box of wine.
Spring Semester 2012 Prospectus
A Resolution About New Year’s Resolutions Our 2012 Predictions It’s about time someone decided to take up smoking as a resolution.
the mayans might be right, but we are definitely righter.
here’s to hoping this semester you finally get laid
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