Volume 8
The Black Sheep
FRE E! L ik pai e a ho r of me jort ma s... de
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Issue 7
TOP 5 MILNER STUDY SPOTS Tina Poehler wrote this
What has 6 floors, 200-plus study spots, and way too many over-caffeinated, under-slept twenty-somethings? Club Milner during finals week. With tensions higher than your GPA, it’s time to finally hit the books, or at least hit something other than that red Sedan when pulling out of the Bone Student Center parking lot. Here are our Milner recommendations:
Behind Plants
On the Front Desk
By an Outlet
In a Shelf
With the Dogs
If studying has got you feeling blue, then go green. But literally. Hide way back where your responsibilities and those annoyingly talkative English majors will never find you. Fourth floor Milner plants are the best place to sit and absorb knowledge via photosynthesis. Or synthetic drugs. Either way. Whatever. Science. You don’t even have to leave this cozy spot for first, second, or third dinner, because the leaves double as a tasty salad bar. It’s a vegetarian’s wet dream.
“Study early, study often.” You hear your politics professor say it all the time. The front desk of Milner is the perfect place to cut out unneeded walking time and begin studying in the first few seconds of entering the building. Plus there’s free hand sanitizer for all of the freshmen out there who still love the burn of Burnett’s but don’t have the means to acquire a handle. This spot is also great for meeting up with any classmates since there is no possible way that they can enter the library without seeing you, unless, of course, it is last month’s FWB and you’re blatantly giving him blue balls. He can be found studying behind the plants.
Because your Macbook Pro is as untrustworthy as a frat boy on a Friday night, you must always be near a power source. However, do not just pick any outlet. You must choose one in a heavily populated area, preferably in the middle of a walkway. It’s crucial that everyone who sees you knows that you’re studying and looking damn good while doing so. A lack of secret admirers can lead to low self-esteem and lack of confidence, ultimately leading to low test scores. So for the love of God, let the sparks fly and nab that outlet.
If you want to make stacks on stack on stacks, you must first be stacks on stacks on stacks. Since good grades are the only way to success, you must surround yourself with as many stacks of books as possible in order to ace that Theater 101 exam to become the next Jennifer Lawrence. The best part of this secret study nook, is that you will never have to worry about being distracted by anyone. It is a well-known fact that the majority of ISU students don’t know how to use the Dewey Decimal System, let alone read.
Sometimes you gotta get on all fours to get that 4.0. On the floor with the PAWSitively Stress Free therapy dogs is one of the best places in Milner to read those eight chapters of organic chemistry and totally not regret going into the sciences. We know you love doggie style as much as the rest of us. Crouching with these fourlegged creatures not only allows for the soothing sound of heavy panting to set the mood for academic achievement, but also provides a soft pillow of fur to scream into when you realize that you literally actually hate yourself, but more importantly, your professor.
So, don’t be like that guy or that other guy who just perches up in any ole’ place in Milner. No! Defy convention and study slyly in these locations.
PAGE 5 5 WAYS ADDERALL MAKES YOU A STUDY CHAMPION TAKING IT GUARANTEES YOU’LL GET A GOOD SCORE ON YOUR TEST...YOUR DRUG TEST! HA!
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PAGE 5
PAGES 12-13
TOP 10: EXCUSES TO GET OUT OF FINALS
NIC CAGE UNDERSTANDS YOUR FINALS STRUGGLES
YOUR PROFESSOR WILL TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT NETFLIX KEEPS ADDING NEW SHOWS
APRIL 15TH, 2015 - APRIL 29TH, 2015
NIC CAGE CAN HELP YOU THROUGH FINALS MORE THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.
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