Volume 7
The Black Sheep
Fre e! L ide ike or as f igin rom al c Buz ostu zFe me ed.
The College Newspaper That's Actually About College
Issue 5
WATTERSON GHOST RETURNS FOR STUDENTS’ SPIRITS Jennifer Green wrote this Everyone knows that shit starts getting real spooky once the calendar hits October. Halloween means scary movies, slutty costumes, and plenty of booze. This explains why it’s the holiday of choice for most college students. Last year, however, Halloween changed for a few students living in Watterson. “Halloweekend is one of the best weekends of the year so of course we had it all planned out. We bought an absurd amount of booze and weed,” sophomore Ryan Kern told The Black Sheep. “What we didn’t count on was all the ghostly shit that started happening.” Around 8 p.m. on Halloween night, two of Kern’s friends, Travis McCoy and Jessica Barker, came to his room on Madison 5 to pregame. “Everything started off great,” Barker said, “I was superoriginal and lookin’ cute in my sexy cat outfit, I got a good buzz going after a few shots, and Pandora was on-point, what’s not to love? Well, after a few more shots I heard this voice say, ‘Jesssssicaaa no one will forget that time you got too drunk freshman year and puked on the guy you were hooking up with.’ I thought the guys were just being jerks and I told them to leave me alone, but they acted like they had no idea what I was talking about.”
After sharing a good laugh over Barker’s freak-out, McCoy got up to go to the bathroom. “I was standing over the toilet, ya know, doing my thing and all of a sudden I hear this voice say, “Travissss, remember that time in high school you peed your pants?” He looked around to find out who said it, but there was no one in the bathroom. “I figured I was just drunk and hearing things so I tried to ignore it.”
his friends said it, but they had already started going downstairs to the elevators. Kern ran to his friends and explained what had just happened. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you assholes! I’m pretty sure it’s some asshole ghost or something,” deduced Barker. They decided to try and communicate with the ghost; logically, they used a Ouija board.
“After a few more shots I heard this voice say, ‘Jesssssicaaa no one will forget that time you got too drunk freshman year and puked on the guy you were hooking up with.’” McCoy walked back into the room and immediately took another shot. “Hey what’s wrong, man? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” Kern said to McCoy, laughing hysterically at the expression he was sure he just made up. “Just shut up and take a drink with me.” A few more shots and everyone’s nerves had calmed. They were about to head to Cherry Street for their friend’s Halloween party. As Kern locked up his room, he heard someone say, “Hey Ryannn, if you try to hook up with any girls tonight, make sure you can last more than 2 minutes. Ha ha ha!” He spun around to see which of
Abandoning their plans for the night, the group went back to Barker’s room and gathered ‘round the board. With all their fingers on the mover thingy, they started asking questions. Kern went first asking, “are you a friendly ghost?”The board moved to no. The group all looked at each other, horrified, until it moved over to yes and then across the letters ‘J’ and ‘K’ followed by distant laughter. “Fuckin asshole ghost,” Kern mumbled, “what do you want with us, bro?” “Can I just talk to you guys? That Ouija board is so obnoxious,” the
ghostly voice said. It continued, “honestly, the afterlife is so boring. Just gimmie your booze and I’ll go bother some other nerds.”
Kern’s room to sleep. In the morning, they all thought the previous night was an alcohol-induced dream.
The crew went back to Barker’s room to find empty beer cans and drained handles spread out across the desk.
The friends gathered their alcohol and set it on the desk. “Alright now everybody just be cool and leave,” the ghost told them. Confused, the trio locked the door behind them and went back to
“Wow, we were really fuckin’ wasted to think a ghost wanted our alcohol,” said Barker. Kern and McCoy agreed, laughing. “Hey, let’s grab the booze from your room and start our Saturday off right!
“We all just kind of stared at each other and then realized it wasn’t a dream; it was real. We got hustled out of all of our alcohol by a ghost. Stupid Halloween…”
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