The Black Sheep
FRE E PEE ... LIKE ) E V GR ERY EEN WH BEA ERE DS YO U ( A N GO. D ..
Brought to you by
The Booze News
Vol. 24, Issue 7
THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
3/6/14 - 3/12/14
VISITING STUDENTS "PLEASANTLY SURPRISED"
TO LEARN U OF I IS GOOD AT SOMETHING KITTY KAT WROTE THIS Although Illini of the past and present have never had a bad thing to say about the university’s infamous drinking holiday, students from other schools have considered Unofficial to be a joke. “A whole day dedicated to drinking?” ISU student Tommy DaLuga posted on Facebook last week. “We do that every day. Redbirds go hard 24/7 #bitches!!!!” Many share DaLuga’s sentiment, saying they’re less than impressed about a mere 24 hours being dedicated to binge drinking. However, after a trip down to Champaign for this year’s bash, many students left pleasantly surprised by the festivities. “I think I gravely underestimated Unofficial,” Eastern Illinois University student Megan Locke admitted. “We had our Unofficial last weekend, but this brings ours to shame. I mean, you guys have shirts and a full-out police force on hand. Kids have died from this! It’s some serious shit.” Upon arriving to campus late Thursday night, Locke said she parked near her friend’s apartment and scoffed at her surroundings as she walked inside. “I didn’t hear any parties going on,” she explained. “It was like, 9 p.m., prime pregame time, and it was dead silent. I was like, ‘Sure, you guys go really hard.’” Locke’s friend and host for the weekend explained that people usually “take it easy” the night before and wake up early to start drinking. “I thought she was joking when she said she set her alarm for 6 a.m. But the next thing I remember was waking up to a beer bong in my mouth, and I knew she was totally serious.” Other visitors were just as unimpressed upon their arrival to the U of I campus on Unofficial Eve. “I got to my buddy’s apartment, and he pointed to a 30-rack on his kitchen counter,” Western visitor Patrick French said. “I was a little shocked when he said that it was just for me, that I wasn’t sharing it with him and his three roommates. Then he showed me two kegs he had iced up in the bathtub and a few handles of Burnett’s in the freezer. I felt like I was literally living in Binny’s. There was so much booze!” Even the city’s police force has met their share of shocked outsiders. “Every year we have some students from other universities in complete disbelief about how much of a big deal Unofficial is,” Champaign police officer Jon Loffredo explained. “I can recall multiple times I’ve called people’s friends on their phones to say that indeed, yes, this is a seriously
dangerous holiday and tell them how many arrests we had made so far that day. I’ve been in a few selfies too.” “It’s like they just can’t get over the idea that U of I could actually be good at something, you know? They think like, how in the world could Illinois be more of a crazy party school than their beloved shithole in BloNo?” U of I senior Eric Ladwig laughed. “Come on guys. Don’t you know who you’re messing with? This is why our football team blows dick. We spend all our time perfecting our drinking holidays. That’s what really matters.”
Luckily, this year was no different. Unofficial drew in a massive amount of students from across the state who were skeptical of the intensity of the drinking marathon but soon learned that they were in way over their heads. Northern Illinois student Kayla Furjanic was still recovering from the event when we spoke with her. “It was just so beautiful. So much beer. So much Irish music and green. I did like, ten keg stands,” Furjanic paused to wipe a tear from her eye. “I woke up with Chipotle in my hair. Do you understand that? Chipotle in my hair. It was great. I have no complaints. I’ll be back.”
PAGE 9 TOP TEN PEOPLE YOU'LL RUN INTO ON UNOFFICIAL
PAGE 18 FRAT BRO SAYS GEEDS ARE THE "REAL" PROBLEM ON UNOFFICIAL
PAGE 22 TIME TO PLAY SOME UNOFFICIAL BINGO!
IF YOU'RE EVEN ABLE TO SEE STRAIGHT.
CAMPUS HOLIDAY IS WAY TOO INCLUSIVE FOR HIS TASTE.
SPOT ALL THESE AND YOU'LL HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER, WE SWEAR!
Keep Up With Us! @BlackSheep_UIUC • theblacksheeponline.com