The Black Sheep
FRE FRI E... LI DAY KE . W HOW HO WA YOU A N TS R E TO P THI A RT S Y?
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Vol. 24, Issue 4
THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
2/12/14 - 2/19/14
PRESIDENT EASTER-CHANCELLOR WISE
LOVE LETTERS UNCOVERED BY: UIUC STAFF
The investigative team at The Black Sheep has come across secret love letters emailed back-and-forth between President Robert Easter and Chancellor Phyllis Wise. The Black Sheep does NOT condone the inappropriate and vulgar language used in the following letters: To Chancellor Wise, from Robert Easter (January 25, 2014): Chancellor Wise, It has come to my attention that there is some “business” to attend to in your office this evening. I would like to pass along my confirmation for the “meeting” and would also like to warn you beforehand that my briefs need cleaning. I shall arrive without tardiness and fully expect to go well into the night with our interaction. I hope you're fully prepared to take my offer on the table. If not, perhaps the couch. Yours truly, President Easter To Robert Easter, from Phyllis Wise (January 26, 2014): President Easter, Thank you for the wonderful meeting last night. Speaking of briefs, mine haven't been dealt with as aggressively as you controlled them last evening in a very, very long time. Let me just say that our little business exchange has been on my mind all day. To be honest, I don't think I'd mind grinding out another long-winded meeting again tonight. Let's say, 11 p.m.? My office? If we can't come to terms and we aren't finished until the morning, I can just pull some strings and cancel class in the morning so we don't have to go in to work. But we'll see how well you've prepared for what I have in store for you. See you soon, Phyllis ;] From Robert Easter to Phyllis Wise (January 27, 2014): Philly, Screw it. Let those little shitheads go to class tomorrow, that way we can just meet in my office and barricade the door. Oh god, the things I want to do to you. Baby, let me tell you: I've never seen any other woman in my lifetime, my long lifetime, look sexier in a two-piece suit before. How do you do it? I know how I'd do it. Oh, Philly. Oh, love. Oh, god...what if they find these...? I love you but keep it quiet, Bobby CONTINUED ON PAGE 19
PAGE 6 STUDENT SICK OF PERVY GUYS GIVING OUT FREE HUGS
PAGE 8 ROOMIES' RELATIONSHIP BLOSSOMS THIS VALENTINE'S DAY
PAGE 18 LONELIEST MAN ON CAMPUS OBSESSED WITH VALENTINE'S DAY
WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BE ATTRACTIVE FOR ONCE?
A BREAKUP BRINGS TWO LOVERS BACK TOGETHER.
DEDICATES ENTIRE BEDROOM TO THE PINK AND RED HOLIDAY.
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