Grand Valley - Issue 7 - 11/20/2014

Page 1

The Black Sheep

thin Free! L gs. ike Oh, pum no, p not kin-sc yet ent ? Ok ed ay, fine .

Volume 3

The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

Issue 7

A Fresh Thanksgiving at GVSU Logan Bailey wrote this Well, it looks to be that time of year again, Lakers – the Thanksgiving season is upon us! That means a five-day weekend, way too much November snow, and a shit-ton of cramming before finals. Although we’re all really just counting the cold days until Christmas break, we can’t deny how excited we are for that turkey dinner. We all know the week leading up to our second-to-third favorite holiday is when our leaders here at GVSU unleash the ultimate Thanksgiving banquet: Fresh’s Thanksgiving dinner. Thanks to the Fresh Food Company, we are able to enjoy a gourmet holiday buffet. Here’s what’s on tap for this remarkable feast:

NONSPECIFIC PROCESSED BIRD PILE:

We all love the smell of a nice, delicious, juicy turkey baking in the oven – there’s simply no denying it. So why not mosey on down to Fresh to steal a sniff of a scrumptious, falling-off-the-ribcage unspecified deli bird? Held together by a creamy processed gelatin byproduct gravy, this dry mound of deli meat is just what the doctor ordered.

MASHED POTATO PASTE:

Every last one of us absolutely loves mashed potatoes. If you don’t, you can F right the heck off. Especially when we’re talking about the oneof-a-kind potato paste offered right here at the Fresh Food Company. If you enjoy mashed French fries and tater tots soaked in water and held together by 30Ibs of margarine, Fresh has what you’re looking for! Not to mention it works great as an adhesive – bon-appetite Lakers.

JACKED UP-O-PIE:

Ah yes, dessert! Just about everyone loves dessert. And nothing screams “Thanksgiving” like a piping-hot pumpkin pie with its sweet crumbling crust, spiced filling, two dollops of whipped cream, and a sprinkle of cinnamon to top it off. But you haven’t lived until you’ve tried Fresh’s delectable and local jack-o-lantern pie. Fermented pumpkins stolen straight from the Greek houses’ front lawns baked on top of a deliciously salty tortilla chip crust. It simply doesn’t get any better than that, Lakers.

CRANBERRY SAUCE:

Just the usual can of lumpy cranberry sauce for your eating pleasure. Even they can’t screw this one up.

INDISCRIMINATE CASSEROLE:

Not everyone is a fan of a chunky green bean slop, it’s just a fact of life. Unless, of course, we’re talking about Fresh’s corn-and-Funyun casserole. Instead of foul-smelling onions and soggy green beans, Fresh has crafted a mouth-watering corn dish thanks to the 50,000 acres of

grain surrounding campus. The crumbly goodness of the top Funyun layer makes for the perfect side dish.

THE LAKER BOWL – HOLIDAY EDITION:

One does not dare forget about the GVSU classic – Laker Bowl Thanksgiving Edition. Rather than a chicken, corn, and potato bowl, Fresh has crafted a special and conveniently compact holiday bowl. Stuffed full of turkey, potato paste, cranberry sauce, and loads of corn – the

Thanksgiving Laker Bowl is the hastily-mushed-together meal you’ve always wanted. So if you find yourself too low on money to make that long haul back home for the holiday, remember, Fresh has got you covered for a meal plan or $8 to dine-in. Thanks to the innovative cooking styles, we get to enjoy the ultimate Thanksgiving meal. Be sure to thank them for this delicious banquet, Lakers, we have a lot to give thanks for.

PAGE 5

PAGE 10

PAGES 12-13

TOP 10: WAYS TO STAY WARM IN SNOWPOCALYPSE 2014

A HOLIDAY DECORATING GUIDE FOR BROKE LAKERS EVERYWHERE

HOW TO AVOID THE WORST QUESTIONS YOU’LL BE ASKED AT THANKSGIVING

TAKE A TIP FROM THE HOBOS, MY FRIENDS.

WE DO NOT CONDONE STEALING, BUT PERHAPS BORROWING.

JUST MEMORIZE THESE ANSWERS AND KEEP TOPPING OFF YOUR WINE.

FOLLOW US @THEBLACKSHEEPGV NOVEMBER 20th, 2014 - DECEMBER 3rd, 2014 THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM


Turn static files into dynamic content formats.

Create a flipbook
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.