Grand Valley - Issue 4 - 10/9/2014

Volume 3

The Black Sheep

you Free get ! Hon you est r w ly, l i-fi. ike Not how eve n so rry.

The College Newspaper That's Actually About College

Issue 4

ARTPRIZE HOPEFUL

AIMS TO BLOW UP HIS LIFE’S WORK Teresa Williams wrote this For the last six years, 27-year-old Portland artist Jean Beauchene has been working on an art piece he could proudly boast about at Grand Rapids’ famed ArtPrize. This year, he feels ready to show off his magnificent crowning achievement: a giant-ass wooden chandelier. Made of wood and furniture from all over the world, the chandelier is an impressive sight. 15 feet tall, 30 feet wide, and held together using nothing but gum collected from underneath tables. It looks as though it could fall apart at any moment. “That’s part of the charm,” Jean assured. However, others are calling it a “homemade, rustic, gross pile of splinters.”

Jean’s name at birth was John Johnson X, born to his mother Jane Johnson and his father John Johnson IX. Though he changed his name many years ago, Jean has still never forgiven either of his parents for what he considers to be the worst name given to a child.

“All art is fleeting. We breathe for just a few seconds in this infinite cosmos of stardust and light, and then, in the most unfair way, you die. You become one with the emptiness. That’s what I want my art to be.”

“My parents never took my feelings into consideration when naming me,” he said. “They only cared about ‘carrying on the name of my grandfathers.’ What kind of artist is named John Johnson?

A shitty one. That’s what kind.”

We asked Jean how he feels about art and what inspires him to create.

Immediately, his eyes welled with tears. He dabbed them away with the fringed edge of his red scarf and after a few moments he answered: “All art is fleeting. You see, for me, art is a reflection of life, which is why I believe so firmly in its impermanence. Nothing remains forever.

We humans, we’re thrust completely unaware and naked into a fastpace, whirling world. We breathe for just a few seconds in this infinite cosmos of stardust and light, some dude drops some pennies in your Starbucks cup because he thinks you’re homeless, and then, in the most unfair way, you die. You become one with the emptiness. That’s what I want my art to be.” Which is why Jean has decided to build a big-ass chandelier. And then blow it up.

“My mother and father were chandelier enthusiasts. They were always buying the latest pieces, and I was so fascinated with them. So this is my

way of letting them go. I mean, they’re not dead. I just feel like they are.

So this is my way of grieving. Six years of my life I spent building that chandelier,” Jean admitted. “Six years and most of my parent’s money spent traveling and collecting the wood and putting it together. The rest? I used it to buy the building and explosives, and bribed people within Grand Rapids to let me do it. It’s going to be great,” said Jean, “it’ll be the ultimate manifestation of true, pure art. It was here and then it wasn’t. People will remember it, but like everything else, eventually it

will fade. I will move onto another project—another temporary facet of existence that will also turn to ash. It’s a beautiful cycle.”

If you happen to be strolling around through ArtPrize and find what appears to be a sketchy-looking abandoned building with the name Jean in bright neon lettering, take a peek inside. Maybe if you’re lucky enough, you’ll be nearby when Jean blows up every bit of his life savings.

PAGE 4

PAGE 7

PAGES 12-13

GV STUDENTS PREPARE FOR PUMPKIN SPICE DOOMSDAY

TYPO CAUSES CONFUSION AT GVSU’S STUDY A BROAD MEETING

WE INTERVIEW: BIZZY BONE OF BONE THUGS-N-HARMONY

PSL FANATICS ARE TRYING TO CONVERT ALL THEY CAN TO THE PSL CULT.

AH, THE DIFFERENCE A SPACE MAKES.

CHECK THEM OUT AT THE KALAMAZOO STATE THEATER ON OCTOBER 17TH.

FOLLOW US @THEBLACKSHEEPGV OCTOBER 9h, 2014 - OCTOBER 22nd, 2014 THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

MEET the STAFF CAMPUS MANAGER Claire Fisher EDITORIAL MANAGER Rachel McLaughlin ADVERTISING MANAGERS Maya Campbell, Brooks O’Brien WRITERS Julie Nichols, Mike Lamberti Shardae Rudel, Jeff Perry Teresa Williams, Abigail Dewstow Alison Tazelaar DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Logan Bailey

CAMPUS DIRECTOR Brendan Bonham OWNER Atish Doshi FOUNDERS Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather-Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers QUESTIONS info@theblacksheeponline.com ADVERTISING? ads@theblacksheeponline.com

OWNED & OPERATED BY: Black Card Media, LLC 2130 W. Potomac Avenue Suite 1, Chicago, Illinois 60622 Contact Corporate: 217.390.1747 For Advertising: 608.712.0900

DISCLAIMER: The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking.

This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication.

Please drink...responsibly and legally.

FOLLOW US! @THEBLACKSHEEPGV • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

THE BLACK SHEEP ONLINE .COM ARTICLES • DRINKING GAMES THE BAR GRID • PURE AWESOMENESS 02

A FEW MORE WAYS

PAGE 3

BEAT OUR CAPTION!

TO KILL SOME TIME.

THE GROSS SEX EUPHEMISM OR SERIAL KILLER NICKNAME GAME!

THE WAYWARD WAYNE “Finally, we can be together,” Karen whispered to Brian, moments after the Space Supreme Court struck down laws banning inter-Kingdom marriages.

Tweet us a better caption and win a prize!

WORD of the WEEK

REMARKETABLE Anything sold purely because of its nostalgic value.

Lenny paid a handsome $35 for a remarketable Saved by the Bell t-shirt—the show came out before he was even born.

The above phrase is either a gross sex euphemism or a serial killer’s nickname. Which is it? Let us know by tweeting us your answer. If you’re right, you’ll win a prize! Check back next week for this week’s answer!

GUESS THE REALITY TV STAR! Whatever your dirty pleasure may be, don’t deny you watch reality TV. To the left is a silhouette of a reality TV star, and below are three clues as to who the person is.

Let us know who you think it is by tweeting us your answer.

If you’re right, you’ll win a prize!

1

Is considered an expert on sneakers.

2

Recently lost 75 pounds.

3

Began working at a pawn shop at age 21.

# # #

PLAY WITH US! @THEBLACKSHEEPGV

PAGE 4 • THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

READ MORE ONLINE THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

ArtPrize Winner Receives $20 Gift Card to GameWorks Mike Lamberti wrote this

After world-renowned sculptor Sanya Taji won this year’s ArtPrize in a landslide for her aptly-titled piece Large Sculpture of Animal that Normally Isn’t This Large, she eagerly tore open the gift envelope. The envelope contained the coveted prize, and while all artists appreciate gifts, it’s important to remember that the prize also represents the love and appreciation for art across the entire city of Grand Rapids. After ripping away the paper, Taji held high the gift, rich with both value and symbolism: a $20 gift card to the popular chain of nighttime entertainment and arcades, GameWorks.

Taji’s eyes reflected her excitement as she told The Black Sheep, “I’ve been trying to win that giant plush toy of Stewie from Family Guy since 2006. Now that I have this card, I’ll be able to play those extra few rounds of Skee-ball, and finally have enough tickets.”

Embodying the very definition of perseverance, Taji explained,

THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU SEE AT ARTPRIZE For the duration of ArtPrize, the streets of Grand Rapids will be filled with all sorts of people pretending they like and understand modern art. Discounting the obvious “trendsetters,” here are five other types of people who attend ArtPrize.

5.) People Who Remind You of Your Relatives: See that couple in khakis and tennis shoes arguing?

That’s definitely your Aunt Lisa and Uncle Roger. “I just don’t get it,” can be heard through the crowd from multiple cousin Zacks. You don’t need to bring family with you to ArtPrize because they’re already there.

4.) Homeless People: Bums like the art for its practicality – and the opportunity to sleep on the sculptures at night. If you’re feeling nervous around the homeless, you can always hold onto your money and think, “they’ll only spend it on drugs and alcohol,” to calm the nerves. Then you can pretend they don’t exist just like everyone else.

3.) Curmudgeonly Old People: Sure, a lot of older folks enjoy art, but some have deemed themselves professional art critics. Hearing things like “Back in my day,” and “I could have done that and called it art,” lets you know you’re dealing with someone who most definitely could not have done that.

2.) GVSU Students: ArtPrize can be a great way to spend a Saturday not studying for that statistics exam.

Watch out for the girl or guy you used to kinda, sorta date. You’ll probably end up standing next to them on a crowded 50 Bus. Try not to accidentally rub your butt against their hand.

“you see, it’s been my dream since I was a young girl to use my art to support my passion for oversized, stuffed dolls of characters from adult cartoons.

I have developed my craft for forty years. This prize is the culmination of my efforts.”

She hopes she can be a role model for all young artists, especially ones with similar

upbringings. “Growing up as an Iraqi-American woman, you don’t exactly feel welcome in the oversized plush-aficionado community. I hope my example will teach young girls that collecting giant stuffed dolls is not just a boy’s club. Anyone who can weld scrap metal into a huge sculpture of an animal can succeed artistically here in Grand Rapids.”

1.) People Who Want to Touch All the Art: Maybe they’re born with it or maybe they just love a good challenge, but there’s definitely a group of people who can’t keep their hands to themselves. Let’s all hope that cousin Zack can remember to keep his paws in his pockets and not on any phallic-like art.

Julie Nichols wrote this

GV Students Prepare for

Pumpkin Spice Doomsday Abigail Dewstow wrote this

White cups stamped with the green symbol of a mermaid litter the walkways and create heaping piles of old, forgotten coffee in the campus trash cans. Young men and women are strewn across the grass, down in the ravines, having fallen victim to the vile caffeine crash. Whipped cream drips from their mouths, resembling sugarhigh induced rabies; coffee stains their teeth and clothes. The pungent scent of pumpkin and cinnamon replaces the fresh scents of the Allendale fall breeze. Onlookers stare from the safety of their dorms, peeking through the blinds, hoping and pleading with the gods that the seasonal Pumpkin Spice Doomsday will swiftly come to an end.

For the past few fall seasons, the infamous Starbucks original, the Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL), has been the ultimate form of fall excitement.

Grand Valley students are gearing up for the annual re-release of the PSL, and after a few years of being the dominating fall factor, men and

women alike are falling into cult-like tendencies, purchasing anything else pumpkin spice scented or flavored.

However, we now know these PSLs act as a brainwashing device. Starbucks’ motive is unknown, however, and there is no inkling of who the PSL zombies follow. Maybe it’s a single person, looking to become more popular on Instagram or Pinterest, where posting images of food-based fandoms is encouraged, or maybe it’s a company pushing for the pumpkin to be the greatest gourd of all. All anyone knows is that every October, PSL fanatics are on the move, trying to convert all they can to the PSL cult in hopes to achieve their primary objective…whatever that may be.

To survive this coming fall apocalypse in which people will be consuming more PSLs than ever before, GV students are buying out the entire stock of survival gear at the local Meijer.

The top purchase is home-brewed

coffee in order to avoid falling victim to the treacherous lines of students who “just can’t even.” These students are on lockdown for fall; their minds switch to survival mode, viciously fighting off the other protesters in order to get the last container of French roast, or the last travel coffee mug. “Every year has gotten worse, I’ve heard,” said Grand Valley freshman Luke Dillard. Since the winters have gotten colder and colder, the demand for hot drinks has spiked, which gives more opportunity for the horde to slip a survivor some PSL. “I have to constantly watch my back,” said Dillard, “and it’s terrifying.”

Grand Valley students have found creative ways to get to and from classes while still avoiding the horde.

A vigilant passerby can spot pumpkin spice candles placed in peculiar places, lit to attract the cult to specific spots on campus. The scent acts as a trigger for the PSL zombies, and they flock to these pumpkin-scented zones.

This creates a window of time for the

“Every October, PSL fanatics are on the move, trying to convert all they can to the PSL cult in hopes to achieve their primary objective… whatever that may be.” survivors to scurry their way around campus and save them from being drawn into the spiciest of pumpkin cults. Survivors also arm themselves with pumpkin scent beads, so they can throw them into ravines in hopes of drawing off the converters.

Survivors and cultist alike are preparing themselves for the coming battle; arming themselves with pumpkin helmets and corn stalk spears, hoping to ensure that there will be larger numbers on one side or the other the following year.

EVERYBODY DOES IT

THE TOP TEN Ways to Make Money at ArtPrize 2014

Laker Pooping Guide: Official Part Deuce Jeff Perry wrote this Like picking your major as an incoming freshman, knowing what you’re good at is only half of what helps you decide where to go; the other half is knowing where not to go. Here are some GVSU locations you may want to avoid when it comes to dropping a deuce.

Lake Superior Hall: You’ve been in the situation where you can’t hold it in any longer while in class and you need to find a place to squat, but Lake Superior Hall is not where you want to be if nature calls. You could find yourself roaming the halls like the little boy in The Shining before you can make it anywhere near a porcelain throne. Not only is the building a bitch to navigate, it’s also cramped. If you open the stall doors, you have a 50/50 shot of hitting the sink.

So, if you can make it, try a different place to take the Browns to the Super Bowl.

River Landing near the stairs: While a bathroom near an eatery sounds convenient, nothing could be further from the truth. The placement of the bathrooms makes getting to them a pain. If you’re trying to get to the restroom from the main floor in Kirkhof you have to make sure you go down the correct stairs for your associated gender because they’re separated by Mt. Stepsalot, a pyramid-like staircase connecting the lower level to the first floor. Once you do walk into the bathroom there is a spacious foot-wide hallway for one student to squeeze through before making it to the actual stalls. It’s a lot like the room that gets smaller and smaller in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Unfortunately there are no snozberries to lick at the end.

The end of the Henry Hall: While Loutit is a great place to poo, Henry Hall is its evil twin.

The meandering hallway is reminiscent of a maze to find the bathroom. While this restroom is a notch above closet-sized, the lack of maintenance makes it just as unappealing. You’ll leave with wet hands as there’s no paper towel.

There is “soap” that feels like it was put there in the ’70s which is coincidentally when the last person successfully found this bathroom.

Original first floor of Ausable: If you’re in Ausable, not only do you need to dress in layers for when the thermostat vacillates between blazing inferno and blizzard, you also need to take the extra walk either upstairs or to the new wing to find a place to recycle some cellulose.

With the new addition to this building you would think that the original setup would have gotten some sort of facelift, but no. We recommend that you only go into this bathroom if you’ve gotten the HPV vaccine. It’s for your own good, really.

Lower Manitou: Being that this building is used for mainly lecture halls, it seems rather ridiculous that the bathrooms nearest to where 300 students attend class only holds two stalls.

Not only is it sad to see so few stalls, but they placed the restroom as if they don’t want you to find it. The fact that these bathrooms haven’t been renovated since the Cold War doesn’t help. It seems worth it to hike up to Mackinac’s A-Hall rather than dig your way through the trenches in this toiletry.

A wise bard once lamented, “to poop or not to poop, that is the question.” Well, not for you, if you’re close to one of these babies. Drop n’ squat outside, Shakespeare.

Oh ArtPrize, you beautiful annoyance, you. There is only so much “art” a non-art major can handle, especially when forced to see it… everywhere. Alas, there is hope, Lakers! Here’s a list of ways we can make some quick cash this year at ArtPrize.

10.) Busk Like You Mean It: Grab that dusty POS acoustic guitar, a dollar-store harmonica, and hit those streets! Maybe learn “Skinny Love” and play it straight for an hour or two. If you squint your eyes just right and wear flannel, the tourists will throw money at you.

9.) Steal Their Art: This one is probably the riskiest path to riches on the list with a possible consequence being jail time. It does, however, present some options: resell the work to some fool for top-dollar or bribe the artist to buy it back. Something tells us they’d drop a cool $50 rather than recreate one of their “masterpieces.”

8.) Pickpocket Some Tourists: ArtPrize attracts some serious crowds from all over the world (probably). Odds are, if they’ve found the time and money to visit Grand Rapids, they’re packing some serious coin. Get picking, friends.

7.) Steal a Tip Jar… Or Three: From Go Java and Madcap, to Biggby, and (one of the 15) Starbucks –there is some serious tip money being dropped all around downtown Grand Rapids. With thousands of tourists, no one’s going to notice a momentarily missing tip jar. These baristas are making bank! They can afford to share a bit, right?

6.) Pip It: Artsy folk love themselves a good orphan. Throw on that pit-stained, white t-shirt, ripped jeans, and your best “I haven’t eaten in days” face– it gets them every time. “Please sir, can I have some more?”

5.) Charge Admission to an Exhibit: Aren’t you sick of hearing that adage “free art for all yadda yadda?” Why not do what every venue should and charge those fools. At $5 a pop, you’ll have yourself a week’s worth of Hot-N-Readies in no time.

4.) Give $100 Segway Tours: Grand Rapids actually already does this, so why not throw in a little competition? Monopolies are bad business, anyway. Steal your grandpa’s Segway, tape a “$100 for Tour” sign on her, and watch them crawl to you, wallets open. There’s no better way to see art than in slow motion.

3.) Sell Psychedelic Drugs: They want to experience the art, don’t they? You’ll have to spend some cash to make some cash, but it’ll be worth it in the end. Find a newbie dealer, cut a clean 70/30 deal, and hit the streets. We’re not sure how much acid is selling for today, so they probably don’t either. Chu-ching!

2.) Lead the Flock Astray: Draw some arrows on the ground giving directions to an undisclosed “exhibit” in some alley. Put a big-ass curtain up and charge a measly $10 entrance fee. They won’t know it’s an informative presentation on the importance of art education until they’ve already paid. Remember: no refunds.

1.) Actually Compete: Option one: grab some finger paint and paint the very best version of the Grand River you can. Option two: take a picture of an empty bench, throw a nice filter on it, and sell it to make a profit. You’ll get interviewed by a much revered newspaper – i.e. The Black Sheep –who, for a small fee, will declare it fine art. All you’ll need is our word to win ArtPrize, and you’ll bank 200,000 freaking dollars. Case closed. You’re welcome, people.

Logan Bailey wrote this

PARTY PICS!

Tweet us your #partypics, or send them to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

ON THE STREETS If you were stranded on a desert island with only what’s currently in your backpack or purse, what’s the weirdest thing you’d be stuck with?

XINYI, SENIOR “A 1000mg Vitamin C packet.”

MIA, SOPHOMORE “I have a pad, so I’d be good for a day.”

NATHAN, SENIOR “A square plug-in power strip.”

06

Typo Causes Confusion at GVSU’s Study A Broad Meeting

At the Grand Valley Paleo-Olympics, an oracle predicted the downfall of the Lakers to the Ferris State Bulldogs through an ancient Roman liver divination ritual known as Haruspex. The ritual was performed by looking at discolorations, marks, bumps, and growths on certain regions of the sheep liver, in which different areas represented different aspects of life, such as wealth, success in war, and love. In our oracle’s case, there was a dark spot in the “success in war” portion of the sheep liver; a clear indicator of GV’s failure in the football game. When the coaches heard the prediction they scoffed, but the embarrassing 17-42 loss got them thinking: “What if the prediction was right?!”

Rachel McLaughlin wrote this

Lake Ontario Hall recently hosted both a Study Abroad First Step Meeting and a new Study A Broad First Step Meeting. Because of simple over-excitement and a font kerning error, students who thought they were going to learn about “STUDY ABROAD” ended up “STUDYING A BROAD.” Fliers for both were hung around campus, inviting students to come learn about cultures of different countries. Undergraduates gathered in the library thinking this was a study abroad information session about educational travel programs outside the U.S. Eyebrows raised as a woman sat down in the front of the Exhibition Space as a handful of people pulled out their notebooks.

The presenter, Roy Biccup, stood behind a podium and provided information about the woman: “She comes from a line of Indigenous people that settled in Australia more than 50,000 years ago. She speaks English and would love to visit Italy. As for funding, she does charge a small fee but will accept financial aid if you qualify.”

The fliers stated the meeting would include information on language of instruction, destination, learning opportunities, and funding which Biccup did go over.

“Well, they weren’t wrong,” said sophomore

ACCIDENTAL PSYCHIC CREATES LAKERS FLIMFLAMMERS

Peter Lawrence, “I mean I did learn a lot…I guess.”

Biccup, explained that he thinks this will be a real learning opportunity for students to learn more about women and different cultures of the world, “It’s like studying abroad but you get to stay right here at GV!” “The meeting was ridiculous. I want to study in Australia,” said Lawrence, “not study an Australian!”

Though the fliers were misleading and the session wasn’t what everyone expected, some students do plan on attending next month’s meeting. “Yeah, I don’t really understand what just happened,” said Bridgett Marshall, “but I did learn about Australia and its people. And I mean it’ll save my parents thousands of dollars now that I can get a cultural experience here instead of going overseas.”

The coaches instantly set out to determine how to predict the outcome of the next game, but the oracle explained she was actually just a professor doing a demonstration for the Classics Society event: “I got the sheep liver from the butcher. The proper preparations for the ritual weren’t even followed, I would have had to fast for three days, and I wasn’t about to do that.”

All the hubbub surrounding the wild 50/50 guess has sparked rampant campus interest. Despite the professor’s insistence that it was a “lucky guess,” there are still some students on campus who aren’t convinced the prediction wasn’t divine intervention. In the past week alone, 25 books have been checked out of the library about animal anatomy and divination practices of the ancient world. When confronted, the students said the ritual worked for the football game and thought they’d try predicting whether or not studying for an exam was even worth the time if they were just going to fail anyway.

Some students used the opportunity to make a quick buck and have been seen with pamphlets advertising their newfound “psychic abilities.” The students declined to comment, but a close friend to one of the “psychics” admitted that he “didn’t believe in anything, and just wanted extra beer money.”

Alison Tazelaar wrote this

NEW THIS FALL! • Mac n’ Cheese Bites • Mozzarella Stix • Onion Rings

MENNASJOINT.COM The Bar Grid

21+only; Minors allowed with parent/guardian until 10

10897 48th AVE, SUITE B100 ALLENDALE, MI • (616) 895-3827

21+only; Minors allowed with parent/guardian until 10

SPECIAL NIGHT

Monday - Friday! Happy Hour 4-6pm: 1/2 off Tier 1 + Tier 2 Beers, Wells, Call and Wine

Industry Special Everyday!

12-2pm: 25% off tab for restaurant/bar industry employees

Industry Special All Day Sunday - Thursday 33% off Drinks for Restaurant/Bar Employees

FRIDAY! $3 Captain & $3 Smirnoff

Thursday

Happy Hour 4-6pm: 1/2 off Tier 1 + Tier 2 Beers, Wells, Call and Wine

2-4 p.m., Happy Hour: $3 Michigan beers ($7.99 and less) and wells 4-6 p.m. Burger-Beer special: $7 for Classic burger and a pint of craft beer 6-9 p.m. $3 Beer Geek craft beer specials

College Night DJ Kane & Jenny Disko 50% Off Drinks Open-12 Because Thursday ends at Midnight

$4 Microbrews Boneless Chicken Dinger Platter

Friday

Happy Hour 4-6pm: 1/2 off Tier 1 + Tier 2 Beers, Wells, Call and Wine

2-4 p.m., Happy Hour: $3 Michigan beers ($7.99 and less) and wells 4-6 p.m. Burger-Beer special: $7 for Classic burger and a pint of craft beer

10/10: The 38th Parallel, DJ Phrost, MC Lil Mack, DJ N8 10/17: Drill Team, Richard Oxygenn, Zach Bletz

$3 Captain & $3 Smirnoff

Saturday

11am - 3pm: Brunch and Bloody Mary Bar featuring House Infused Spirits

Industry Special Everyday! 12-2pm: 25% off tab for restaurant/bar industry employees

10/ 11: DJ Rozay 10/18: DJ Loud-E

$2 Domestic Pints Noon-6 $5 Bulldozers and $3 Long Islands

Sunday

11am - 3pm: Brunch and Bloody Mary Bar featuring House Infused Spirits

Industry Special Everyday!

12-2pm: 25% off tab for restaurant/bar industry employees

Sunday Funday - NFL Ticket $3 Flavored Vodka, $2 Wells $2 Domestics DJ Laud-E after 9pm

$3.99 Bloody Marys 9-Midnight

Monday

Mug Club Night! Open 4pm - 12am: $2 Tier 1 + Tier 2 and 1/2 Off Burgers and Handhelds for Mug Clubber Happy Hour 4-6pm: 1/2 off Tier 1 + Tier 2 Beers, Wells, Call and Wine

2-4 p.m., Happy Hour: $3 Michigan beers ($7.99 and less) and wells 4-6 p.m. Burger-Beer special: $7 for Classic burger and a pint of craft beer 6-9 p.m. Michigan Monday, $3 select Michigan drafts

Open Mic/ Hippy Jam Band Night $2 Wells, $2 Domestics $1 Off Michigan Beers $2 Fireball

$3.99 Margaritas Fried Pickle Chips

Tuesday

Local Night! $2 Tier 1 + $3 Tier 2 Beers from 4pm - 12am Happy Hour 4-6pm: 1/2 off Tier 1 + Tier 2 Beers, Wells, Call and Wine

2-4 p.m., Happy Hour: $3 Michigan beers ($7.99 and less) and wells 4-6 p.m. Burger-Beer special: $7 for Classic burger and a pint of craft beer 6-9 p.m. Tipsy Tuesday, $3 draft of our beer geek’s choice

Beat the Clock Specials Starting at 8 til Midnight $2 Wells All Night DJ Turk Lo

$3 You-Call-Its 1/2lb. Hamburger & Fries

Happy Hour 4-6pm: 1/2 off Tier 1 + Tier 2 Beers, Wells, Call and Wine

2-4 p.m., Happy Hour: $3 Michigan beers ($7.99 and less) and wells 4-6 p.m. Burger-Beer special: $7 for Classic burger and a pint of craft beer 6-9 p.m. WIMP 50cent wings (min 6); $6 1/2 lb mussels; 25% off pitchers

Wayback Wednesdays With DJ Richard Oxygenn He plays songs from the 90’s And we have prices from the 90’s $1.50 Retro Cans, $2 Drink Specials

$4 Sangrias Hand-Battered Onion Rings

Wednesday

L IVE BE T T ER. L IVE HERE. NEW FOR 2014-2015: COTTAGES! PREMIUM KITCHENS, WOOD FLOORS, FULL FURNISHINGS, LAUNDRY AND BONUS ROOM, 12 MONTH LEASES, 52” LCD TVs, AND MORE! COTTAGES • TOWNHOMES • APARTMENTS

616.895.6678 • CAMPUSVIEWHOUSING.COM

The Bar Grid 21+only; Minors allowed with parent/guardian until 10

21+only; Minors allowed with parent/guardian until 10

Happy Hour! 4-6pm Monday - Friday, 2-6pm Saturday & Sunday: $1.50 Rolling Rock Draft $1.75 PBR Draft, $2 Well Drinks $1.25 Blatz Cans, $8 Pitchers of Sangria

SPECIAL NIGHT

$5 off all Burgers (the creature excluded) w/ purchase of a beverage from 6 to 11pm (Dine-In Only) Happy Hour 4-6pm: $1.50 Rolling Rock Draft $1.75 PBR Draft, $2 Well Drinks $1.25 Blatz Cans, $8 Pitchers of Sangria

Thursday

$4 Margaritas $7 Labatt Pitchers

$4 Long Islands Beer and Shot Specials Dance party every Friday!

Great DJ with a club atmosphere!

Happy Hour 4-6pm: $1.50 Rolling Rock Draft $1.75 PBR Draft, $2 Well Drinks $1.25 Blatz Cans, $8 Pitchers of Sangria

Friday

Rotating Drink Specials!

Late Night Menu 10PM-12AM

$3 Wells, $3.50 Tall Bud Light Drafts

$5 Mully’s Blue Drinks 16oz., 7 liquors ...and many other great drink and food specials!

Happy Hour 2-6pm: $1.50 Rolling Rock Draft $1.75 PBR Draft, $2 Well Drinks $1.25 Blatz Cans, $8 Pitchers of Sangria

Saturday

$3 MI Drafts and $3 Call Drinks All Day!

Closed Like Us on Facebook!

1/2 off Apps Starting at 8pm $2 Wells, Greek Night ...and many other great drink and food specials!

Rehab Brunch and Shit Show! $5 Build Your Own Bloody Mary bar from Noon to 5pm 1/2 off Jameson and $1 off Perrin and Founders Draft, Barfly ½ off night

Sunday

Happy Hour 4-7! Team Trivia 7-9! $3 Drafts 7-9PM, $3 Calls 9-12AM

$4 Tall Craft Brews $1 Off All Burgers

Karaoke at 9pm $1.75 Bartender’s Choice Shots ...and many other great drink and food specials!

Drunken Retort 9-11pm: $3 Liquor Special $2 Rolling Rock, $3 Sangria by the Glass Happy Hour 4-6pm: $1.50 Rolling Rock Draft, $1.75 PBR Draft, $2 Well Drinks $1.25 Blatz Cans, $8 Pitchers of Sangria

Monday

Happy Hour 4-7! $2 Wells and Drafts $2 Off All Other Drinks 9PM-12AM

$2 Wells, $3 Tall Bud Light

Laker Night! $2 Wells Pitcher and Shot Specials Featuring over a dozen beer, shot and cocktail specials!

Happy Hour 4-6pm: $1.50 Rolling Rock Draft $1.75 PBR Draft, $2 Well Drinks $1.25 Blatz Cans, $8 Pitchers of Sangria

Tuesday

Happy Hour 4-7! Open Mic Night! $2 Wells and Drafts $2 Off All Other Drinks 9PM-12AM Late Night Menu 10PM-12AM

TRIVIA NIGHT! Grab your nerdiest friends and test your smarts to win a GIFTCARD! Starting at 9pm and 10pm $4 Jager Bombs, $3 Tall Labatt Drafts

Wings! $0.50 Traditional Wings 6 wings with Domestic Pint for $4.99 ...and many other great drink and food specials!

Happy Hour 4-6pm: $1.50 Rolling Rock Draft $1.75 PBR Draft, $2 Well Drinks $1.25 Blatz Cans, $8 Pitchers of Sangria

Wednesday

Happy Hour 4-7, Mon-Fri $2 Wells and Drafts $2 Off All Other Drinks $2 Off Apps

WEDNESDAY: TRIVIA NIGHT! Grab your nerdiest friends and test your smarts to win a GIFTCARD! Starting at 9pm and 10pm $4 Jager Bombs, $3 Tall Labatt Drafts

Tuesday!

Laker Night! $2 Wells Pitcher and Shot Specials Too many to list!

$4 Long Islands, $4 Three Olive Bombs, $3 Heineken Bottles

PBR Progression: $0.50 Drafts at 7pm Price Rises Every 30 Minutes ...and many other great drink and food specials!

Employee Handbook 2014

Happy Hour 4-7! $2 You Call Its 9PM-12AM 1/2 Off Food 8PM-10PM Late Night Menu 10PM-12AM

1

Happy Hour 4-7!

Ladies Night: $4 Drink Menu (8PM-12AM) for Ladies, No Cover Until 11PM Late Night Menu 10PM-12AM

PAGE 10 • HEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

#ARTPRIZEWEIRDOS ArtPrize is upon us once again, and with it comes the slew of artists hoping to capture the eye of the 10 people who registered to vote. Artists can be hard to spot at times, but other artists are not so discreet – sometimes even outshining their own art. For those who might need a guide to help spot them, or even just a fresh reminder, here are five types of artists you should keep your eye out for at ArtPrize. But be warned: some are better to be left in their natural habitat.

The Five Artists You See At ArtPrize

GRANDMA SELLING MUGS:

Shardae Rudel wrote this

The frontward appearance of this artist is rarely seen as they spend most of the event with their back to the crowd, putting the finishing touches on their entry all day every day, no matter how many times you come back to look.

This clan is bedecked in painter’s garb, often overalls, and will rarely turn their backs for anything, too consumed by their own little world. Do not approach – you might scare them off and we’ll all be left wondering what the feet on that half-man, half-lion painting should look like.

STEREOTYPICAL ARTIST: They are usually sporting an Earth-toned scarf, beret, and tight pants (or some variation of the three). Akin to hipsters, the males have been known to sport ironic mustaches and quote Tennyson out of context. They are most often seen directly next to their piece, appearing to look indifferent but with a slight bounce to their step as they wait for people to talk to them and ask for the “meaning behind the piece.” Approach with caution and always with compliment at the ready. This dude is quite fragile.

always kept at the

STATE-LOW MINIMUM! CAMPUS PARTY STORE

4814 LAKE MICHIGAN DR, SUITE 200, ALLENDALE IN THE PLAZA BETWEEN JIMMY JOHNS AND BIGGBY COFFEE • FB.COM/CAMPUSPARTYSTORE • @ CAMPUSPARTYSTOR

This breed is usually sporting a permanent frown. While the reasoning behind their entry is unclear, one can assume by their antsy demeanor that they probably owe someone blood money. They can often be seen scouting others’ work and loudly expressing their distaste with the piece while muttering about art in general. Approach with extreme caution, if for some reason you don’t have the urge to run away screaming.

THE EVASIVE PAINTER:

She’s cute, she’s friendly, and she made all the mugs by hand. She even hand-picked each inspirational quote and breed of butterfly to emboss on the pastel-glazed clay. It’s hard to resist these types of artists as they not only remind you of your grandma, but also that kind, old lady that lives down the street, and your nice elementary school teacher who always smelled of lemons. These artists are safe to approach and maybe even to ask for life advice from.

STOP IN TODAY! Where prices are

THE ONE IN IT FOR THE MONEY:

THE ENVIABLE BEARD: The easiest to spot and the coolest to talk to, these artists sport a beard to rival any member of the Duck Dynasty gang. Sometimes it’s hard to tell, but you can often see a smile under the tangle. They often have a lawn chair by their side and look like the type of person you could share a beer with. In fact, why don’t you? And while you’re at it, try that swell-looking substance he’s claiming will really mellow someone out. Approach with an open mind.

, hought t d n a p *!t.” then ck Shee s a l s i B h e t h an dT etter th ver rea b e g e n i ’v h u et If yo rite som w d l u co “Man, I

E M O C BE

.

R E T I R AW

writers l a n i g i or ed and t n e l a t day at or o f t g y l n i p k p oo A We’re l r team. u o n i o to j

bs o j / m o c online.

p e e h s k theblac Print • Mobile • Online

BARTENDER of the WEEK Relationship Status: Engaged Favorite Drink: Whiskey • Favorite Shot: Whiskey Disgusting Drink: Anything with cream or Bailey’s What aspect of bartending are you better than any other bartender at, and why?: Multi-tasking because I’ve been doing this for 16 years.

Do you have a drink of your own creation? What’s in it?: Tropical Lifesaver. If I told you what was in it I would have to kill you.

Is there a liquor myth you know from personal experience to be false?: Whiskey does not make you mean.

What are granny panties good for?: Bartending in!

If we invented a word right now—say… “spladawnt”—what would you say it means?: It sounds like a city in Michigan, kind of like Mackinac.

MELANIE OF PEPPINO’S SPORTS GRILLE THE DRINKING GAME

SMACK THE BARTENDER Look at that arrogant buttface, sitting over there behind the bar atop his little throne, counting his tips, and acting like he owns the place. It’s time to show him what’s up. You’re the king of this bar, not him. Or maybe you’re just really drunk. Who cares? Dude, you can totally take him.

What You’ll Need: A strong hand and a weak bartender.

Number of players: Just you, the bartender, and whoever is in your way.

Level of intoxication: Enough to slap the bartender. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

If you could have dinner with a famous person, living or dead, whose face would you wear and why?: I wouldn’t wear someone’s face, just a brown paper bag with a smiley face drawn on it.

Why should people read The Black Sheep?: For their hilarious articles.

RECIPE FOR DISASTER

FRIED McDOUBLE Alright, it’s time to polish the turd. You’ve ordered a McDouble and have the instant regret of filling your body with 90% grease and 10% loss of self-respect. It’s time to double the McDouble and fry that bad boy like it’s never been fried before – because it hasn’t. You’re a health-hazard revolutionary. You’re a savior. You’re the first person to fry and try a McDouble.

What You’ll Need: $1 and some loose change because of tax (thanks, Obama), patience, minimal athletic skill, the will to discover what’s on the other side of life.

Fatty Factor: You’ve already walked inside a McDonald’s, what do you care?

How to play: - Start drinking with your friends at home, then go out.

- Get to the bar and hone in on your desired target.

- Stare the bartender down from across the bar, make sure he knows you’re on to him.

- With every move he makes, counteract with a disruptive bar tactic (yelling, smashing glass). You need to prove your dominance as the alpha drunk and let him know who’s boss.

- Approach the bar with caution (he may be on to you with all the yelling).

- Whisper your drink order so he leans in close.

- When he leans in close, whisper “I GOTCH’YA” into his ear.

- SLAP HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE.

Let’s Get Baked: - Suffer through the shit storm that is McDonald’s customer service and order a McDouble.

- If you’re lucky enough to receive what you’ve ordered, remove the paper wrapping.

- Yell in a foreign language and hop over the customer service desk.

- Approach the fry cook and confiscate their uniform.

- Now you’re in disguise. Toss your McDouble into the fryer and wait 90 seconds until it’s done.

- Pour as much salt as possible on your McDouble and eat in one bite while you run away from the restaurant manager.

- Shit in the restaurant lobby and demand a free coupon.

The Game Ends When: You slap the bartender in the face and run away as fast as you can. Combine this game with the fried McDouble recipe for maximum marathon training.

Now that you’ve mastered a regular visit at McDonald’s, check up next week when we make a shake out of a 20-piece McNugget.

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE APP FOR ALL THE GAMES!

NOMNOMNOM AT THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM

THE BLACK SHEEP INTERVIEWS:

Though it’s not quite the first of the month, Bizzy Bone of Bone Thugs-n-Harmony fame was nice enough to do a quick phone interview from his palatial estate out in sunny California. He was watching Constantine, but YOU can take a roadtrip and watch him performing with the rest of Bone Thugs at the Kalamazoo State Theater on October 17th.

Brendan wrote this

The Black Sheep: So where are you guys on your tour?

Bizzy Bone: We’ve been on the road for about two-and-a-half years, soon we’re embarking on a world tour for the next three, four years. We’re wrapping up in the states right now. Let’s get this party started, man!

TBS: Our audience was being born when you guys first hit. How would you describe a live show to someone who hasn’t seen you before?

Bizzy: Oh man, we have a great light show, and a live, energetic performance. Our DJ keeps the crowd hyped. When we bring the live band with us, it steps it up a notch as well. It’s a different variation of show, depending on what we want to do. They’re just all that.

TBS: Having been on tour so long, how do you keep putting up with one another?

Bizzy: To be honest with you, it’s about being grateful. When you’ve been in the business 20 years, you’ve seen the ups and the downs, bro; the highs and the lows; the bounce-backs and the fallbacks. You’ve fallen down a few times before you’ve gotten up. So you’re grateful for each other. To continue to brand something we built and for the people who still want to see it and hear our stories, it’s super-terrific. That’s how we do it, being grateful for one another.

TBS: When you’re on stage do you ever worry about stepping on each other’s toes?

Bizzy: Bro, bro. When we get around each other, we know how to waltz around each other. We grew up with each other, we had to sleep in the same house as each other, we know each other’s habits, we know when each other gets irritated. We already know that. The waltz isn’t a problem. We’re totally pro on that, bro-bro.

TBS: How did you get your very unique flow?

Bizzy: I started off when I was young singing, mimicking songs on the radio. I’d make voices off the television, cartoons. There was guy who used to come on late at night—they called him the Night Owl—and then there was Wolfman Jack—this was back in Ohio—and I had to be 2 or 3 years old. It started with the voices, then it came on with the harmony, then the rapping. It was continuing practice around my people. Practice makes perfect. To this day I still practice. I’ll look at the sun over the mountains and practice like I used to back when I had nothin’.

TBS: And that same 20 years you’re still making music, how do you make sure the creative well doesn’t dry up?

Bizzy: I mean, someone people aren’t like artists; the true definition of an artist isn’t “I want to do this to be rich and famous,” it’s to do something that makes an impact on the world in art. Like, Beethoven, the well doesn’t go dry. I wake up, I listen to music. I listen to music all day. I study it. I live it. It’s what I do. Bring that back to Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, five more guys, you never lose out.

Then, take into consideration Flesh-n-Bone did 10 years. He missed a decade of Rolexes, so on and so forth. He missed that whole 10 years, then he brought energy back to us. Our vibrance is just swirlin’.

TBS: So then how is your creative approach different when you’re working on a solo piece, versus something with Bone?

Bizzy: Hey man, that’s a part of the learning process. I was just speaking with one of my producers about it. He was saying, “You know what, B? The way you lay down chorus lines with the group, you should lay it down for yourself as well.” I used to differentiate my solo career and what defined me as a human being and as a person with my music. I’ve always separated it—now, the same songs I do with my crew are the same songs I want to do for me when I’m doing something solo.

TBS: When on tour how do you make sure the days don’t blur together, or do they?

Bizzy: When you get older and you’re planning to touch not just certain states, but certain countries and providences, and you need to get overseas you know to get your butt back on the bus, get to the hotel, get some sleep. You need some time to do that or you won’t be able to make it the next twenty days in a row. So yeah, you get time to yourself, but you learn to take that time to rest your body. You’re only human and there’s only so much you can do. When you’re a superstar you need to know when to lay your superstar self down so you can be live on stage the next night. If you want to have a 20-year career you need to take care of yourself.

TBS: So what do you do in your downtime?

Bizzy: Yeah man, I’m into what new phone is out, new technology, reading, making plans for the near future and what to add to the shows. My life revolves around Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, my family, taking care of my children while I’m out here working. I don’t get to see my kids very often, but I get to financially hold them down while I’m out here. That’s what my life revolves around. I don’t need much, I’ve accumulated a lot of toys in my time, if I can keep those toys clean and still be able to take care of my responsibilities, that’s what I’m on.

TBS: 20 years doing this, how has the music industry changed?

Bizzy: It’s been some cool on certain things. It’s changed, man. I met Eazy-E at 16 years old. They were just starting to use computers then. Now you can download music for free. Downloads have been going on for fifteen years now, it’s just accepted. But, it’s brought up the visibility of the artist, and now touring is at an all-time high. Now, the place with the industry is going with it.

Brothers like Two Chainz, brothers like Jay Z, 42 or 43 years old in this game.

Back in the day you got to a certain age in hip-hop you couldn’t rap no more.

It’s a great time for hip-hop and Bone Thugs-n-Harmony in general.

THE BACK PAGE

THE BACK PAGE

the WALK THROUGH CAMPUS madlib ___1___ is so alive in the fall! Just walking around campus and smelling the ___2___s and leftover ___3___, seeing the freshman skanks with their ___4___’s exposed groping the ___5___-year-old locals - god, they’re so cool - hearing the roar of the ___6___ bottles rolling into the gutter… I just love it all!

As I walk past the bars, I just can’t help but feel a tingle in my ___7___ at the thought of finally downing a___8___ with a ___9___ and a ___10___ beer-back. Once I turn 21, everything will change. Sure, I could get a fake ID, but with this baby face, who’d believe it? Plus it’s so much better to wait, right? That’s pretty much my philosophy on everything, at least that’s what my mom wants me to do.

Seeing all the lecture halls brimming with kids in front of their computers, reading up on ___11___, watching ___12___ do the Ice Bucket Challenge and seeing the hundreds of pictures of ___13___’s baby - who just turned three! - really gets me excited to hit up my remedial math class. I love creeping, er, watching over the shoulder of that cute ___14___ as she scrolls through page after page of Tumblr; I feel like I’m really getting to know her.

Who needs math anyway? I’m an ___15___ after all!

Finally flopping down on my lofted bed in ___16___ after a long day of learning is the icing on the cake of a classic college day. Hitting up ___17___ with my ___18___-loving roommate is always a highlight, mostly because we get high (heh) off of his sick ___19___ and then light (heh) a doobie on the walk over there, and just go hard on some ___20___ and ___21___. Freshman 15, my butt!

It’s really these simple days that make me appreciate how badass it is going to ___22___. So maybe I’ll spend another night watching ___23___ and hangin’ with my floor mates, but it’s all about the memories, man, all about the memories.

CLUE BANK 1) Your college town 2) Type of flower 3) Late-night food 4) Body part 5) 30-something age 6) Type of liquor 7) Body part 8) Strong mixed drink 9) Novelty shot 10) Average beer 11) Latest hashtag trend 12) Random old relative

13) Your (annoying) homecoming queen 14) Hair color 15) Your major 16) Freshman dorm 17) Campus cafeteria 18) 60s rock band 19) Smoking apparatus 20) Savory food 21) Type of cereal 22) Your university 23) Terrible reality show

Located directly across from the 48th Avenue GVSU entrance!

Sign your lease today & receive

FREE • Parking • High Speed Internet • Deluxe Cable Package • Fully Furnished Apartment • Water & Sewer • 24/7 Fitness Center …and much more