The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 7 • 4/11/13 - 4/24/13
theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheep_clem
Ringed Out by ePortfolio Amanda Moore wrote this Room 311 of the Academic Success Center, the soulless epicenter for squashed hopes and ruined dreams, holds the fates of hundreds of graduating seniors in its mangled claws. Some know it well, others don’t even know it exists, but everyone knows what it contains – ePortfolio. Pulling the strings, this puppet control center possesses the power to determine the worth of student’s artifacts. With only weeks left of the school year seniors are frantically scrambling to complete their ePortfolio. It has become a plausible reality for a handful of students that graduation may not be in their foreseeable future. The law has been laid down, forcing students to recognize the power ePortfolio encompasses: no ePortfolio, no diploma. ePortfolio tells them no all day long, mocking them over and over again, telling them they are wrong, until students break down and stroll into the ePortfolio office begging for guidance. If a submission lacks a works cited page, it gets an IA (invalid artifact), if a submission doesn’t fully meet the competency, it receives an IA. Basically, if an artifact is anything remotely close to what you believe represents your academic ability, you get an IA (maybe a 1, if you’re lucky). Grim-faced, hot tempered students are busting into the ePortfolio office attempting to bargain their way into graduating; some students even rope in their parents to call and negotiate. Plead all you want, but ePortfolio will prevail. Suppliant students are confronted by the stern, unyielding faces of ePortfolio: Bob Brackett and Gail Ring. While some students may only recognize Bob Brackett’s name from his signature at the bottom of the ePortfolio e-mails, most seniors quickly learn Gail Ring’s. The head honcho herself has even had the honor of acquiring an Urban Dictionary definition. Gail Ring: a verb; to do something correctly or adequately, and then receive negative feedback or fail at a task based on outside incompetent judgment (i.e. “Stop Gail Ringing me and talk to me!”). These two so-called wardens of ePortfolio remind students of the consequences for an incomplete ePortfolio: there’s always August graduation. While in the eyes of the students, ePortfolio is the only barricade separating them from their degree and spending their last month
of college blowing off responsibilities, gallivanting with friends, and being a reckless college student, it serves its purpose. ePortfolio validates Clemson’s accreditation; a method to prove a college’s worth relative to other colleges. ePortfolio is part of the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools’ Commission on Colleges. Essentially, ePortfolio adds value to a Clemson degree. Its unbearable requirements resonate with almost every student, but when its purpose is explained one can better come to terms with its importance. Compare it to a topic the generic southern student can comprehend: football. Consider the Southern Association similar to the workings of the ACC. If Clemson wasn’t in the NCAA, a championship-level win against USC would be an unrecorded, meaningless scrimmage. ePortfolio.
A huge inconvenience, and the last thing seniors want to deal with when graduation is peeping around the corner, ePortfolio proves to be one of the most infuriating processes for students. Submissions seem to be graded through a system based on trial and error. Can order be uncovered in this chaotic madness? Yes, yes it can. No one likes ePortfolio, it’s just one more hoop Clemson forces students to jump through; so why not learn how to beat the system? Read the competencies, bombard the evaluators with questions, ask for alternate assignments, and turn in the most ridiculous artifacts you can muster up. ePortfolio evaluators are obligated to read every artifact, and there are no rules as to what the subject matter has to be; be a little risqué, delve deep into uncharted borders, and pass ePortfolio on the first try.
what'’s inside Kid on Longboard is “Way too cool for class”
It’s not real football… but it’s close
According to his future unemployment officer.
Some tips and tricks to attending the spring football game.
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Bartender of the week Will from Tiger Town Tavern isn’t a fan of the Harlem Shake, but is a fan of PBR.
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