The Black Sheep
F fr REE. om .. l TTT ike t ’s he ju st T-sh fo irt r t yo ur u nin ge g2 t 1!
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Volume 3, Issue 7 11/15/12 - 12/6/12
the Best and Worst Parts of Thanksgiving Break blake miller wrote this
Thanksgiving seems to be the forgotten holiday; if anything this is because of its inopportune timing. November is that awkward month in between the slutty Halloween costumes and the Christmas mayhem. The leaves changed colors a while ago, and now everything’s just brown and dead. It’s cold, but not cold enough to snow - so really, what’s your deal, November? It has to be some sort of bipolar disorder. Here are the best and the worst things about your Thanksgiving break. Best - Food: If you want college students to come to an event, all you have to do is promise free t-shirts and food. National Coin Collecting Convention? As long as there’s free pizza there, you can count us in! Don’t believe us? Just check your emails! We’d bet nine out of ten are from student groups promising pizza if you show up and pretend to care about raising awareness for deaf cats. So you’ve got to know that the best thing about Thanksgiving break is taking part in one of everyone’s favorite activities - eating until you’re unable to move. Now, one might reasonably argue that “not moving” is the complete opposite of what constitutes an activity, and you’d be right. And we would try to propose a counterargument, but we’re too busy stuffing our faces full of pumpkin pie, pouring gravy all over our faces and drifting happily into diabetic comas. So, who’s the real winner, here? Not you. Best - No School!: You’ve been “studying” for over three months straight now, including the week before Thanksgiving break when almost every professor teams up to swamp you with tests. But now, it’s finally time to head back home and relax. You don’t have to deal with stressful assignments or teachers glaring at you for stalking your roommate’s hot sister’ friend on Facebook during class. It’s the good life. How will you spend all of this extra time to yourself, you ask? Might we suggest eating more food again? Seriously - it’s Thanksgiving. The whole holiday is built around a feast. And you’re a college student who is running on ramen and beer fumes. Take advantage of this opportunity while you have the chance. Oh yeah, and watch some football! Worst - No School (Sort of): Remember the paragraph you just read about how you didn’t have to deal with schoolwork anymore? Yeah, well it lied. Although you will not have to turn in any assign-
The Worst Types of Black Friday Shoppers
ments, the higher ups always conveniently place finals week right after Thanksgiving. So unless you’re on the seven-year plan to get your bachelor’s degree, it’s probably wise to start studying up during the break. Bring those books home and take them into the toilet following your Thanksgiving Day feast. Trust us, you’ll get some work done.
Now, if it were just your mom and dad, then it’d be understandable to want to stay home a little longer. But with Thanksgiving comes all of the crazy aunts and uncles and cousins-twice-removed that want to pinch your cheeks, get your name wrong, and talk about embarrassing childhood memories that you’ve been attempting, all semester, to repress through heavy drinking.
Worst - Random Relatives: It’s always nice to be around your family after not seeing them for so long - for about a grand total of one day. After that, you’re mainly just focused on getting back to your apartment so you can curse without offending your grandma.
In the end, it’s best just to hang out by the bonfire and hope that you get out of the break without some emotional scarring. Eat a ton of food, practice study-shitting, and sleep. You’ll come back ready and willing to be butt-f’d by your professors during finals.
what’s inside
Top 10 Asshole College Football Head Coaches
Thanksgiving in the Year 3000
Not even the food court is safe. just Stay home!
You’ll never take Nice Guy Dabo for granted again.
Stuffing takes on a whole new meaning 1000 years into the future.
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