The Black Sheep
ROO
Vol. 4, Issue 5
THE COLLEGE NEWSPAPER THAT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT COLLEGE
F MM REE.. ATE . LIK S N E YO ETF LIX UR ACC OUN
T.
3/6/14 - 3/26/14
420 MILES TO REALITY CLEMSONBAB WROTE THIS It’s all fun and games on the first day of spring break in Panama City Beach. 7 days later, when the boozing and bad decision making comes to an end, you find yourself facing the world’s most difficult journey to endure: the drive back to Clemson. Spring break amateurs may argue: “with a car full of my closest friends and a good playlist, how could the drive back to Tigertown be that terrible?” However, these baby Tigers are sadly mistaken. The drive home isn’t just a mere road trip; it’s a mentally and physically exhausting nightmare. 377 miles to go, the beginning: The music is blaring and it’s all smiles and sunshine on your way back to Clemson with your closest fellow Tigers. About an hour in, you’re reminiscing on the unforgettable week you’ve spent in PCB. You reflect on some of the best times you had on this spring break, like when you engaged your inner drunken Picasso and won the sandcastle contest at Sharky’s Tiki Bar with your painfully average “masterpiece.” And who can forget taking whatever it was that was given to you by the hippie you met in the bathroom at Harpoon Harry’s? If there’s one thing you can conclude from SB2K14 right now, it’s that Thursday nights downtown just don’t compare to the strip of PCB. Sorry, TD’s. 345 miles to go, the epiphany: The sad epiphany is that, besides a hazy succession of images from the first two days of the trip, you don’t remember shit from your crazy week in PCB. Even these images only consist of handles of Bacardi, Coronas, and maybe the beach, if you really rattle your
brain, but nothing really comes to mind. 253 miles to go, the regret: What better way to give yourself a mental break from questioning your morals than some mindless social media? Naturally, Tinder is the first thing you check. However this decision to mindlessly Tinder turns into immediate regret when you stumble upon a conversation between you and the beautiful Clemson baseball player you secretly admire in your ENGL 1030 class. Just a few scrolls down you’re informed that, thanks to your drunk, sloppy self, you should reconsider where you sit in that small Daniel Hall classroom next lecture. Sitting by the smelly kid in class is a small price to pay if it means avoiding the fact that you vomited all over Clemson’s hottest athlete while mid-dance-floor-make-out at Club La Vela. 122 miles to go, the struggle: The hardhitting spring break hangover your body has successfully avoided until now makes it feel like this week you’ve consumed nothing but alcohol and bits of sand. The need for substantial and edible food is so real. At this point, even Harcombe sounds appetizing. You stop for a quick bite, only to realize you have a mere dollar to your name, along with 7 maxed-out credit cards you so generously used on Margarita Mondays at that creepy townie Mexican restaurant. Now even Lil ‘Caesars is making your mouth water. 64 miles to go, the reality: Starving, hungover, full of regret, and annoyed, the twin XL that awaits you in the Shoeboxes couldn’t sound any more comforting right now. Having spent an entire week as well
PAGE 4 FIVE SPRING BREAK NECESSITIES IT’S ALMOST THAT TIME! STOP INTO PALMETTO’S TO PICK UP THE BEST SPRING BREAK GEAR.
as a stuffy 7-hour car ride with the same 4 friends, you’ve come to the conclusion you need a break from them, alcohol, and any form of partying and/or fun for the next week... or two. Now that you’ve had your reckless break from the world, it’s time to get back to reality and focus on important
things, like academics and losing the 10 lbs of beer belly that’s bloating your stomach. 0 miles to go, the exam: Cars unloaded, suitcases and novelties you don’t remember buying have been stowed away safely in your dorm. Now that it’s time to get seri-
PAGE 6 A LIFE BOILED OVER: THE MATT FETTY STORY TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM CHEAP SUBSTANCES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD.
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ous, you sit down at your desk and check your planner: BIOL 3040 EXAM - TOMORROW... Shit. 420 miles and 7 hours later you finally realize your biggest regret of all: you should’ve just flown home.
PAGE 7 GREEK WEEK: THE SORORITY WAY FOLLOW OUR TIPS TO HAVE ONE OF THE BEST TIMES OF THE YEAR, NAY, LIFETIME.