Page 1

The Black Sheep's

Fun and games issue

KEEP UP ALL SUMMER @BlackSheep_CLEM


contents page 4: The QUiZ

WHICH FAMOUS CLEMSON ALUM ARE YOU?

Questions? Comments? Compliments? insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com

page 6

page 5: aRe yoU smaRTeR Than?

LINDSAY KNEW WHERE SNL CHARACTER MATT FOLEY FAMOUS LIVED. DO YOU?

page 6: a CLemson gUiDe To yoUR LasTminUTe sTUDy LaTe-nighTmaRes

Table of

IT’S ABOUT TO GET REAL SCARY UP IN HERE.

page 6: The Top 10

WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR MARK ON CAMPUS.

page 7: FRom The sTReeTs

WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU’RE GOING TO DO AFTER FINALS?

page 13: CLemson’s BesT!

THE PARTS OF CLEMSON THAT TURN STUDENTS INTO AN OVERLY ATTACHED GIRLFRIEND.

page 16: The maDLiB

THE RIDE BACK HOME WITH THE ‘RENTS

page 13

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Sexy Anagrams

After being banned from throwing racially insensitive parties, Kappa Omega started throwing socially insensitive parties.

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LACTATE CHESS OWN

HAMMER INTO WORTS

Do you know who these celebrity hotties are? Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!

word of the week

Boysterous: An open proclamation of sexual joy by a female who just got laid.

“Lana boysterously screamed ‘Yeah, just got banged, bitches!’ from the rooftops moments after Rodrigo exited her apartment.”


page 4

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the Quiz

Which Famous Clemson University Alum Are You? By: Kevin Thomas

1. Which of these foods are you most likely to eat? a. A salad. Have to look bangin’ for the camera! b. Chicken wings. I’m a fatass, a filthy rich fatass. c. Spaghetti. Gimme some of that Italian carbs shit.

5. Which of these alcoholic drinks would you choose? a. Vodka and cranberry, I like to slur with style. b. Bud Light, you know, perfect for watching the game. c. Patron in my mouth insinuate I’m ballin’.

2. Which one of these would you use to describe yourself? a. Wealthy b. Rich c. Filthy f’n rich

6. How would you describe your major? a. I like milk. And ice cream. And cheese. And butter. I like to eat. b. I, like, learn how people interact and stuff, mostly at bars, and when they’re shitfaced. c. I figure out how to sell things. Such as myself, to drunk members of the opposite sex.

3. Which of these songs is your favorite? a. “Milkshake” - Kelis b. “Sorority Girl” – Luke Bryan c. “Tip Drill” - Nelly 4. How would you describe your Clemson experience? a. Big man on campus. Can’t walk to class without people shouting you out. b. I’m one of the most beautiful people here. People are always saying, “Damn who is that?! Love to get with DAT ASS!” c. A regular student. Ho hum, you go to class, back home, and party some. I’m not too smart, I’m not too dumb.

7. Which of these sounds most like something you would say? a. “Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined.” b. “You do have to overcome the child’s thinking that this new woman, who is not their mother, is going to be in their lives.” c. “When someone questions you as a man, I take that to heart.” 8. You would like your nickname to be which of these? a. Lightning b. World Wide Wing Commander c. None

answers answers answers answers answers

8-13 points: C.J. Spiller 2009 Clemson graduate, former NCAA All-American, and current running back for the Buffalo Bills. You’ve got a healthy amount of money, love partying with the ladies, and Italian food, for some reason. Everyone on knows you and you’re lightning fast, whether that’s with your feet or with the opposite sex.

14-19 points: Nancy o'Dell 1990 Clemson graduate and former Miss South Carolina, Miss South Carolina USA, 1st runner up to Miss USA, and current co-host of Entertainment Tonight. You’re a big shot, very recognizable. You’re absolutely beautiful, and never have to pay for your own drinks, not that it would hurt your pocketbook.

20-24 points: Robert Brooks 1960 Clemson graduate who founded Naturally Fresh, Inc. and helped create Hooters of America, Inc. You love the things all guys love: beer, boobs, and sports. You’re a just a regular guy, but know your way around the ladies and you’re always scheming for that extra bit of cash to burn in the engine of your personal train.

1. A=2 B=3 C=1 • 2. A=2 B=1 C=3 • 3. A=3 B=2 C=1 • 4. A=1 B=2 C=3 • 5. A=2 B=3 C=1 • 6. A=3 B=1 C=2 • 7. A=3 B=2 C=1 • 8. A=1 B=3 C=2


page 5

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are you smarter than? Lindsay, a clemson student

1) TECHNOLOGY: Who is the largest cell phone service provider in the United States? __________________________________________________

6) SLOGANS: What car company trumps themselves as the "Ultimate Driving Machines"? __________________________________________________

2) THE WILD: The black mamba is the most poisonous what in the world? __________________________________________________

7) FAMOUS SPEECHES: Which President of the United States issued a warning against the rise of the militaryindustrial complex in his farewell address? __________________________________________________

3) HISTORY: Bushido was a way of life practiced by these romanticized warriors of days past. __________________________________________________ 4) COMEDY: Famously, where does SNL character Matt Foley live? __________________________________________________ 5) SPORTS: In 2012 R.A. Dickey won what prestigious award? __________________________________________________

lindsay's answers

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correct answers

8) POLITICS: Who co-authored 1848's The Communist Manifesto with Karl Marx? __________________________________________________

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page 6

A CLEMSON GUIDE TO YOUR LASTMINUTE STUDYING LATE-NIGHTMARES AMANDA MOORE WROTE THIS All-nighters, reactivated caffeine addictions, and those “Since when did you enroll in class?” students are all signs of the dreaded final exam season. Exam week -- the home stretch of the academic year, the make-it or break-it window of opportunity requires tips for making the most out of a solid study session. Common college knowledge is that extended cram sessions are a viable solution for finals preparation when the right study setting is attained. College-long procrastination impairs one’s study spot navigation skills; a guide to the levels of Cooper Library helps counteract the burdens finals week brings. Guide to the levels of Cooper Library: Level 1: Aka The Dungeon. This secluded oasis proves to be a study sanctuary for studious students or a peaceful haven for a muchdeserved nap time. Cell service does not penetrate the windowless and barren dungeon, forcefully blocking out all social distractions. Even a page turn that is one decibel over the accepted noise level warrants death stares. Desks similar to cubby-hole capsules fill The Dungeon, providing students with enough room to spread out, all while creating an impenetrable fortress of solitude. Level 2: Respite for the semi-social student, the second level of Cooper is not only split into two sections (large tables and individual cubbies); it hosts the CCIT center and printers. Locating the CCIT center is essential in case one’s computer crashes from the brutality of exam week. Long exhausting hours of studying while coming off an Adderall high makes for a famished stomach in which mid-study-session munchies are the remedy; thankfully vending machines equipped with snacks to quench stress-eating are nestled in the back corner. If the second level adds a coffee bar it will reach complete study perfection enabling students to never break their long study hauls. Level 3: A study spot for individuals who need a dose of rejuvenating vitamin D flowing in from the windows, while still maintaining an intellectual focus. Those who choose the third floor want all of the focusinducing qualities of the first and second floor without having to commit to the anti-socual seclusion that study hermits retreat to. Walllined windows of the third level let students know that the outside world still exists and they haven’t entered some underworld straight out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Level 4: The floor of plentiful seating offers students copious choices. Printers, bathrooms,

vending machines, a snack shop, computers, the circulation desk, all are located on the fourth level. If occasional breaches of silence, people watching, and comfortable seating tickle your fancy the fourth floor is for you. It’s the Willy Wonka factory of seating arranged with cubbies, booth tables, wide chairs, sofa chairs, group tables, computer desks, lap desk chairs, and outside seating. The fourth level integrates all of the other floors, producing a study-center hub for students. Level 5: For students who are in desperate need of a cram session, the fifth floor gives caffeine addicts their fill and hopeless last-minute studiers a zero hour chance to be tutored. Java City and a tutoring zone are located, respectively, on opposite sides of the floor. Walk into Java City and you will spot a wideeyed student, plopped on the walllength cushion benches, who can’t break away from the coffee shop in fear that their invisible coffee IV might rip out. Level 6: Overcrowded and filled with study groups, the sixth floor rarely has available seating. The sixth floor is recommended for students who cannot study alone, need boisterous background noise, or continues to procrastinate regardless. Essentially, the habitat of students who think merely opening a book equates to studying. Bathrooms: 2nd, 4th, and 5th. Printers: 2nd, 4th, and 5th. Vending Machines: 2nd and 4th. When Cooper reaches maximum capacity it’s a signal to naïve pseudo-library connoisseurs that test week is in the air. For a mid-study break show, watching exacerbated students revolve in an out of the library in an endless search for a prime study seat always provides entertainment. Excessive capacity renders some students without a study niche, while other students simply opt for a different study venue that better suits their requirements. For those who do

not or cannot condemn themselves to Cooper, there are several other suitable study spots. Academic Success Center: A miniCooper (not the car) with fewer amenities. The ACS is a beautiful building tucked away in Cooper’s shadow, offering a relaxing atmosphere for students who need to escape Cooper’s overwhelming, hellacious crowding. Comparable to a quiet beauty who offers limited access; the ACS is perfection if you can find a place to park it. Any of the Beaches (Leaver Beach, Lightsey Beach, or Y-Beach): Soak up nature while absorbing lastminute textbook reviews. Watching your peers interact on any of the beaches sparks creative genius, weather it is laughing at a lifeguard pledge save sunbathing girls from drowning or mocking students who blow-off steam by LARPing. Sunbathing almost cancels out the stress of studying and it never hurts to take a break to rest your tired eyes on a few shirtless guys or girls in skimpy bikinis. Fike: When the inner debate between studying and working out causes mental dissonance, students compromise their priorities and bring their notes to the gym. Throughout the year gym-goers can be occasionally spotted on a treadmill while reading a textbook, but as exam week approaches almost every elliptical, bike, and treadmill is paired with a sexy student with study materials in hand. Flock to Fike for a mind-body work out. Starbucks: Caffeine on caffeine on caffeine. Caffeinism is a commonality amongst college students suffering the fight against dwindling time and necessity for sleep. Hey, if you can’t fight against the caffeine cravings you might as well indulge them. Aside from the endless caffeine supply, Starbucks bestows students with a quaint coffee house atmosphere in addition to its delectable aroma.

The

Top 10

theblacksheeponline.com

Ways to Leave Your Mark on Campus

It’s that time of the year again, the end of the school year. Have you ever wondered how you could leave your mark at Clemson besides buying one of those lame bricks? Well, here are a few ideas that you may want to check out. 10.) Skinny dip in the reflection pond: The reflection pond is one of the most recognizable things on campus for students. While going swimming in it would catch a few people’s attention, if you go skinny dipping in the reflection pond, everyone will hear about it. 9.) Hook up with someone in the library: Ol’ Cooper Library, everyone’s favorite place at the end of the semester. The many exams, quizzes, papers, and projects to finish keep all of the inhabitants stressed to the max. Give everyone something to watch as you and a dime piece make some babies down on the (supposedly) quiet first floor between the bookshelves. If you’re doing it right, it won’t be quiet. 8.) Start a food-fight in Harcombe: While we suppose any of the dining halls would work, we recommend Harcombe. It has tons of space and more tables to flip over and hide behind. Grab a group of friends and start slinging some food around like you always wanted to do back in high school. 7.) Sign your name in all of the bars downtown: TD’s, TTTs, Loose Change, all of the bars in downtown Clemson have names written everywhere. Go write your name in a big conspicuous place in each and every bar (just not above the bar at Wingin’ It, trust us, they frown upon that). 6.) Sleep your way through a fraternity or sorority: If you can complete this one before the semester ends, you would be legendary. Now, that’s a lot of people, so maybe just go for a whole pledge class. Who wouldn’t want to be the guy when everyone says, “Oh Mike? Yeah he slept with the entire fall ’11 pledge class of Gamma Chi Delta.” 5.) Play Beer Pong on Bowman: We know what you’re thinking, but yes, it’s legal. Take your friends, set up a table, and play some beer pong out on beautiful Bowman Field while everyone else around is throwing Frisbee or LARPing (not that we’d know what that is.) 4.) Hook up with a football player’s girl: This may be the most dangerous option on the list. You know how most of the football players don’t exactly have “girlfriends,” but a lot of them do have that one girl who tends to hang around them quite often? Well, how awesome would you be if people saw you making out with a star player’s girl in a bar downtown? The downside: it may bring the whole football team after you. 3.) You and your friends start a huge brawl, and win: On second thought, this may be the most dangerous on the list. Anyway, you want people four years down the road saying, “You guys remember that time Patrick and his boys kicked the shit out of those 20 guys that came up for the weekend from the Citadel? Good times.” 2.) Throw a Van Wilder-ish party: So you want to get remembered? Do what Van does. Throw a HUGE party. We’re talking beer pong, Jell-o wrestling, a pool, topless ladies, live music, free alcohol, the works. We don’t know where this could happen, but please figure it out, and when you do, be sure to invite us. 1.) Don’t Leave: Speaking of Van Wilder, NEVER GRADUATE. Become the Big Man On Campus and be running things for years. Get to know all of the professors and bartenders. Throw wild parties and hook up with freshmen. Make tons of friends and make sure everyone knows your name.

KEVIN THOMAS WROTE THIS


[PartyPics]

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SUMMER MUSIC FESTIVAL MATRIX

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CLEMSON’S BEST:

THE PARTS THAT TURN STUDENTS

INTO AN OVERLY ATTACHED GIRLFRIEND DUSTIN BERTELSEN WROTE THIS We’re going to miss this place. Clemson has certain aspects that give it a unique feel, the likes of which aren’t present in most students’ hometowns. Sunsets and sunrises on Lake Hartwell, doing a barcrawl downtown, hitting up local eating establishments like Todaro’s or Groucho’s, or walking through Clemson’s gorgeous campus. Below are a few of Clemson specifics that will be missed come the season of hooking up with old flames from high school. Clemson Parties: Look, every “college town” is full of students trying to find a good ole’ rager. Clemson is no exception with throwdowns downtown, at complexes such as Chimney Ridge, the Reserve, and Greek houses. You can’t match the amount of liquor and beer consumed at a college town party with one of those “parties” back home. It just doesn’t happen. Fike Recreation Center: You have a world-class fitness center and gym at your disposal, and it’s totally free! Not really, since your outrageous tuition actually pays for Fike membership, but it seems free! But really, if fitness centers were judged on the same scale as attractive females (from 1 to Kate Upton), Fike would definitely be a Kate Upton. Now you have to pay hand over first to workout with some straight beefcakes at designer gyms back home. What a tragedy. Downtown: How many other towns have a great bar row like Clemson? Nowhere else will have as hopping a downtown as Tigertown. Nothing like doing a barcrawl from Nick’s to TD’s, puking in front of Wingin’ It, and finishing the night strong with a drunken midnight hunger rush to Subway. Clemson has so many great drinking and eating establishments right next to each other, it’s hard not to go DT every night. Sadly, if you have your 21st birthday in the summer, you won’t be able to go through almost every Clemson student’s rite of passage, turning 21 at Triple T’s. Poor sap, you are.

The Y Beach Area: Out of all of the major colleges, how many of them are on a giant gorgeous lake? How many of those colleges have their own beach on said gorgeous lake? Right, none. Clemson has such a great resource with Lake Hartwell’s shores on campus, and the opportunity to swim, tan, and have fun is all a unique Clemson experience. For the ladies, you can beat your old high school betches with your darker tans, and for the dudes, you get to throw on some shades and check out these ladies getting their bronze on. Win-win-win-win-win-win situation. Well, except for your pale, chubby friend who decided to go to school north of the Mason-Dixon line. College Sports: Baseball ends at the beginning of the summer, with a huge drought until Labor Day weekend when football season starts. Clemson fans must be sad about the gulf between the end of spring semester and college football, with huge expectations for this coming season. Tajh Boyd has made himself king on campus, making any lady’s panties drop at his word. Also, let’s hope our Dreadlocked Savior, Sammy Watkins, doesn’t get busted again. If he does, we’ll just end up pulling a USuCk or a Jaw-ja (that’s Georgia in the thickest southern accent you can think of) and allow him back on the team.

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passing the bar

If you're too cool for Burnett's or stopped shooting Smirnoff months ago, well la-di-dah. Test your knowledge on these blank liquor labels to see how well you know your stuff. Send your answers to labels@theblacksheeponline.com and if you're right, you'll win a prize.


the CROSSWORD: STUDYING FOR FINALS

aCRoss 1) Literature majors’ online study buddy 4) Secret Starbucks super-strong coffee 5) Last-second study session 11) Coffee alternative for the weak 12) Hope you've taken notes since day one if you've got one of these exams 13) Don't let one audibly slip in the library 14) They always manage to break right before your paper is due 17) Look at these for last minute cramming 18) Biblioteca, according to Spaniards 19) Where to vent your #studyprobz 20) Coffee shits can be described as such DoWn 2) As finals get closer, the price of this goes higher 3) A bubbly test form 6) "Adderall Alternative" by Genetech Pharmaceutical 7) "To ___ perchance to dream" 8) Adderall and meth have this in common 9) The social networking mecca of procrastination 10) It streams hours of procrastination 12) The lifeblood of studying 15) You'll have to borrow these after never going to class 16) Scientific word for "why coffee makes you pee"

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Top of the Tavern Tiger Properties Columbos Pizza Hendrix Student Subway Center Monterreys Ultratan Backstreets Pub Firehouse Brackett Hall Hudson Bagel Hair South Nicks Tavern Brioso The Shoeboxes Mojo Coffee Croc’s Clemson Overtime 356 Fike Recreation Tony’s Pizza MH Frank Pepinos Pita Pit Center Woodstone Pita Beef O’ Bradys Moes Todaro The Horseshoe Off the Vine Osaka Little Ceasers Wingin It Dorms Bojangles Hibachi Grill Grouchos Loose Change Harcombe Dining Friars Tavern Cookout Burger Joint TD’s Hall Waffle House Mellow Mushroom The Bronze Tiger Triple T’s Shilletter Dining Esso Jersey Mikes Sloan Street Tap Senn’s Flowers on Hall Student Union El Jimadore Sloan Room

Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.

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the madlib

the riDe baCk home With the 'rents

On my way home from college after my __1__ year, I had an excellent adventure with my __2__. It all started when we crossed into __3__. When we first crossed this border we were stopped by the __4__ . Acting from experience, I normally was __5__ around police. For some reason, they demanded to search our car, and even though I thought I had nothing to hide, I still felt __6__ . Upon searching the vehicle, the police found my __7__ . I __8__ to the policeman, “Sir, but this isn’t mine, I don’t know where it came from!” The cop gave me a very __9__ look and went about his business. Then came the awkward task of explaining this possession of mine to __10__ .

CoLLege 12) POSSESSION FROM #8 13) DeiTy, BUT pReFeRaBLy ChUCK noRRis 14) VOCALIZATION 15) amoUnT oF Time 16) FAMILY MEMBER FROM #2 17) siBLing/CLose FRienD/peT iF DeLUsionaL oR sChiZophReniC 18) SAME AS #17 19) aWKWaRD iTem FRom #8

By: DUsTin BeRTeLsen

go tigers!

go tigers!

“I’m sure __11__ gave you this __12__ ,” “I swear to __13__ , I have no idea where that’s from!” I __14__ . I had to sit through another __15__ with a very awkward silence until we reached home. I felt more awkward than a virgin Gamecock in a brothel. Once we finally made it, __16__ told my __17__ about this thing the policeman had found in the car. __18__ then took said item and paraded it around the house. And this is how my entire family found out about the __19__ I bought in college.

1) yeaR in CoLLege 2) FAMILY MEMBER 3) sTaTe oR CoUnTRy 4) LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY 5) aDJeCTive FeLT aRoUnD Cops 6) AWKWARD ADJECTIVE 7) emBaRRassing iTem 8) VERB 9) FUnny aDJ. 10) SAME AS #2 11) yoUR sKeTChy FRienD FRom

Clemson - Issue 8 - 4/25/2013  

Clemson - Issue 8 - 4/25/2013

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