The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
theblacksheeponline.com
Volume 2, Issue 2 2/08/12 - 2/28/12
Valentine’s Doom: A Social Media Takeover Saundra Michelle wrote this You know it before you even open your eyes. The dreaded February 14th has once again reared its ugly head. It’s not the day that you despise but the fear of what’s to come. The second you log onto Facebook you pull the covers back over your head, wishing for a “skip a day” card. No longer can you avoid the unavoidable as you tap your Facebook app. Not only has the worst happened, but it has occurred to the umpteenth degree. Status after status is the declared love between high school dating rookies and college practically-married couples. “I love you baby, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me!” and “Happy nine day anniversary my love!” clogs your newsfeed. Don’t forget about the marriage proposals that are sure to take a dip in the vomit-worthy PDA cesspool. Not only do you not have a love note written on your wall, but you can already taste the vast number of tequila shots El Rod’s will be providing you in order for you to forget that you are broken and lonely again this February 14th. Any other day of the year you’ll be screaming in the streets to the single-girl anthem, “Solo” by Iyaz. But not this day. On the dreaded fourteenth you would rather have a dry weekend than go out and admit that you are painfully alone. Just as Facebook becomes too much to handle, you log into Twitter as a reprieve. Think a-fucking-gain. “Retweet if you couldn’t be happier in love!” and “#YouKnowHesTheOneWhen” flood your timeline. The torment of singlehood stretches beyond the incessant chatter of date night plans in ABP and the girls that insist on carrying their expensive rose bouquets to each and every class. With each buzz of your phone you’ll be reminded that you have no one to tweet about. Sure you may think “I have the best Valentine of all, bitches #mydog” sounds too-coolfor-school but really you just sound like a bitter cat lady spreading the seeds of lonely hatred a few years early. Do that and everyone will know you’re single-girl-struggling. As fun as being single is on every other day - when you can do whatever (and whomever) you want - it’s pretty crappy when it’s just you. Parties of one are never any fun.
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And if you think you can trick the system by logging onto Pintrest to avoid all the fuckery, then you have another thing coming. Say hello to the hundreds of pages now full of love quotes and crafts involving hearts and any shade of pink. Wish that you had someone to make those heartshaped cookies for? Well, I hope you love yourself because you’ll be flying (and stuffing your face) solo and there is no
“So, you have herpes too, right?” seems like a pretty good place to start.
see page 4
How to Get This Rando Out of Your Bed
social network on the face of Inter-Earth that will let you forget it. Do yourselves a favor on Valentine’s Day: Deactivate everything. Because if you don’t feel miserable already, Twitbook-intrest will make goddamn sure you do.
I love you, no, I HATE YOU! I LOVE YOU, BABY! see page 5
we want everyone to get some this Valentine’s Day. Here’s how.
The Bi-Polar Relationship That is VT Sports
Beginner’s Guide to a Successful V-Day Date
see page 12