Volume 1, Issue 4 | 10/20/11 - 11/09/11 | WWW.THEBLACKSHEEPONLINE.COM
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Black Sheep
“A College Newspaper That’s Actually About College”
Take it to the Face, Vote for Chase! We know, we know, it’s a little late and we forgot to spam you on Facebook, chase you across the drillfield and pester you with flyers in your classrooms—but we wanted to give you one last choice for homecoming candidates. Thus, allow us to introduce you to Chase, Chase Broads. Chase is a student at Virginia Tech and is involved in virtually nothing! He’s the real king you want to have; he’s down to earth, real and better than your other options. He’s much smarter than you, he can shotgun a beer in three seconds, and he won’t make you dance like you have a nose bleed. Check out the details below and don’t forget, take it to the face! Candidate Profile Name: Chase Broads Age: 22 Background: I came from a wholesome Midwestern town where I learned how to drink in a corn field. I won my first game of quarters at age eight, and began shaving on my tenth birthday. Special Talents: I can shotgun a beer in three seconds, though your mom will fall in love with me in two. Accomplishments: I‘m going to graduate with a 4.0, which I never thought possible until my advisor told me about Virginia Tech’s Communications program. Who knew college would be so easy without the homework? I’m currently undefeated in Civil War, was the
Other stuff
Inside
04: The Fake ID Experiment
If we ordered a fake for a 21-year-old, would they pass the carding test?
Master of Ceremonies for Beer Olympics 2011 and also MVP from the winning team and yes, it was a conflict of interest. Involvement on Campus: Nothing, really. Although sometimes I do go through campus around 2 a.m. in the SafeRide van on my way to Oak Lane with a biddie, but that’s pretty much it. And I get swole at New Tech Fitness, which is near campus—does that count? Why do you want to be Homecoming King? If I was Homecoming King, I would make all the vending machines into beer vendors. I would cancel all Friday classes. You know what, and I’d cancel Wednesday classes too, because I heard that some students have a hard time making it to them after Tuesdays downtown. I would also ban all homecoming candidates from the drillfield and make them work the street corners downtown instead, since it’s kind of the same concept. Oh and then I’d let them sell Bud Light in Lane Stadium like they do at West Virginia because it’s hard to eat a whole turkey leg without some beer to wash it down with. I think that’s it. And to be honest, I just took my speech for fifth grade class president and replaced “soda” with “beer,” but it actually worked. You do know that you don’t actually get to implement any changes as Homecoming King, right? Say what? That’s ridiculous. What’s the point then? Can I still wear my crown downtown?
09: Blow Behind the Tow
If it doesn’t blow, Valley Towing sure does suck.
10: Halloween costumes we examine the good, the bad, and the ugly...