Virginia Fall Issue 9 - 11/8/12

The Black Sheep

se FREE sh . yo .. Lik uh et ad he du roo rin m g H mat urr e b ica ond ne in Sa g nd y

• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 1, Issue 9 11/8/12 - 11/14/12

theblacksheeponline.com @blacksheepUVA

to read or rage?

Spencer Schloss wrote this

We all endured the wrath of Sandy one way or another. Although we probably should have had classes for those two days, the time off allowed us students to catch up on work and relax…or rage extra hard so we could casually tell our children we partied in the wind and rain that was superstorm Sandy.

As we all waited anxiously for Teresa Sullivan’s fingers to type faster, we began to plan our evenings around scary movies, bars or… ugh, homework. Yes, we all enjoyed our time off, but let’s be real, getting back into the swing of things on Wednesday was pretty rough - but you have to take the good with the bad when UVa only cancels classes once every…well, hardly ever.

An extreme plus for us intellectuals was the extra time to do work. When classes are cancelled we have all day AND all night to study! Woo, let’s rage, motherfu—wait, nevermind. For those of us who have the self-control to use our time wisely, a day off from class is the perfect scholarly opportunity.

However, there are those of us with that one friend that’ll say, “When else are you gonna be able to say you went out during a HURRICANE?!” As a result, there were beers to drink, for history. And although “yolo” is a tired phrase, it’s still difficult to beat down the phrase due to “fomo,” the fear of missing out.

A day off from school also provides quality apartment bonding time. Since everyone is cooped up in an attempt to stay warm and safe, the perfect opportunity arises to get to know your roommates on a new level. Honestly, none of you have a choice, unless someone would rather brave the storm than enjoy the warmth of an apartment, and in that case your people must really suck. This extra time can be used to break out your Wii moves for Just Dance, watch a sad chick flick and bawl together when Noah tells Allie “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird,” or continue the intellectual streak by playing Jeopardy! when it comes on at 7:30. Now, you people chose to live together and thus have to tough it out the rest of the year so make sure all this bonding doesn’t turn into the latest UVa fight club.

Contributing to Philosophy Class I mean, I feel like... I guess what everyone else said is “right.”

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For those of you who are into this kind of thing, days off from school as a result of weather are the ideal time to engage in a séance. It sounds creepy (because it is), but just think, how cool it would be to unearth Edgar Allan Poe and converse with his ghastly ghost. Or, better yet, why not try to chat with good ol’ TJ? He can’t be up to much. However, burning candles and chanting names will fail to connect you with any spirit no matter how much y’all “believe” (or influence yourselves with more creative substances). So, after

what’s inside

Taming the Tenured Demon

a depressing round of “Edgar…TJ…are you there??” it is time to make the delivery guys brave the weather to bring you some post-séance Chinese food.

Days off from school inevitably come with pros and cons.

Yeah, it was nice while it lasted, but we’re all at school for a reason, so let’s get back to our normal partying…uh…we mean class schedule to earn that education our parents are so generously paying for.

Before your antiquated prof goes on a Marxist rant, here is what you can do.

Keeping Your Distance from Coffee Culture Coffee is great, but the bearded,

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page 13

flannel side effects are bad.

contents page 5: Top Ten GPA Booster Shots

Questions? Comments? Compliments? Insults? info@theblacksheeponline.com

page 5

In other words, classes the football team takes.

page 6: Lilly-Fied

Table of

Lilly Pulitzer: woman, dreamer, collector of girl’s father’s money everywhere.

page 7: From The Streets What do you think of people who vote for a third party in major elections?

page 9: Paper Extensions: A Crash Course Technical Difficulties is too common.

“Melted dual-bit hydro processor” is better.

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last week’s answers

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Emmy Rossum & Orlando Bloom

word of the week Brotive:

Any reason a guy lists for joining a fraternity.

“Dylan’s brotives for rushing were simple: beer and sex.”

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Contributing to Philosophy Class Rob Mogni wrote this

Philosophy class may be the last place on Earth where students actually have the urge to raise their hands and contribute to discussions on stuff like Aristotle’s badass virtue ethics. In this last haven for student-faculty interaction, one beholds the rare opportunity to look deep into the psyche of a UVa student. For those who have chosen to pursue majors that will actually land them a job after college, you will be surprised at what you would find in these classes.

In your average lecture hall, the professor decides to conduct a conversation about last week’s reading that approximately 1% of the class bothered to look at. While he is delving into critiques of Mill’s brand of utilitarianism, Sorority Sally emerges from her hungover haze, gripped by an insatiable desire to share her words of wisdom with her lecture composed of 150+ of her peers. As she weaves her way through several “I feel likes,” a handful of “I think thats,” and an alarming number of “I guesses,” Sorority Sally has finally concocted a complex web of pseudo-philosophical ramblings that somehow relate last week’s slutty affair with her sister’s boyfriend to the application of hedonism as a moral theory. The professor, so deeply disillusioned and physically sickened by Sally’s response, drags himself out of a stupefied stare and brings himself to reply, “I never thought about it that way. . . good. . . anyone else?”

The rest of the class, mildly amused by Sally’s deeply personal and unconvincingly “hypothetical” scenario, braces

Pizza

itself for Philosophizer Phil’s reply. Phil is the guy whom everyone in the class knows by his characteristic Megamind chin-beard and the obnoxious level of effort he devotes to class. At the instant he begins to speak, the class unleashes out a collective sigh of despair. You see, Phil is the type who stays after class daily to challenge the professor with an “if p then q” statement. Even the professor hates him. After a long-winded whiny response about a bunch of “if ought implies cans” and a long link of outrageous syllogisms, no one knows whether this kid is the voice of god or just a bombastic moron. The second the professor responds with a hesitant “Yeah. . . I don’t know though. . . anyone else?” the class rejoices as one.

Out of nowhere, your professor calls on Lax Bro Brennan taking a snooze in the back, who was, up until then, camouflaged by the volleyball team. Brennan only showed up today to maintain his solid 2.0 GPA, and was busy occupying himself with less than subtle comments making fun of Philosophizer Phil. “Uh what was that bro? Can you repeat the question?” This situation is nothing new to Lax Bro Brennan; he figures when times get tough, he can always whip out ol’ reliable: “Yeah I mean pretty much what everyone else said.” Nice one, Lax Bro Brennan, crisis averted.

Nervous as hell after a long succession of wrong answers, Timid Tina is convinced that she can provide the right response. With the classic half hand raise, then retreat; raise,

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then retreat; resembling a sad case of impotence, the professor finally notices Timid Tina and calls on her. Tina, caught off guard, bursts out an “I feel like . . . wait I don’t know how to say it . . . wait what’s the word . . . you know like Aristotle was like . . . like you what I mean, right?” Unfortunately for Tina, the professor does not know “what she means, like.” Class dismissed.

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Taming the Tenured Demon Pierce Bishop wrote this

The Top 10

GPA BOOSTER SHOTS 10.) Intro to Environmental Science (EVSC 1010): This class is easier than its high school AP equivalent. The population of the class is made up mostly of half asleep athletes, so you know it’s drooltastic. Also, the first test is the same exact first test from Elements of Ecology.

9.) Acting 1 (DRAM 2020): Acting 1 seems too good to be true. Each class is made up of only 12 students. People who are majoring in drama may take offense to someone putting down their department, but this class seems to exist for the sole purpose of fulfilling a humanities credit. The only stipulation is that it’s in the Drama Education Building. Where the hell is the Drama Education Building?

It’s inevitable. You’re in a class with a professor that received tenure before your parents were even born. He saunters in to every class (well, it’s more of a waddling shuffle given his age and rotund belly) in the same tweed jacket and wrinkled tie he has sported for the last three decades.

He’s changed it up with those old person black New Balances, which are as comfortable as they are arch friendly. With this age, though, your professor has become dangerously seasoned, a vintage verging on (if not well into) antiquity. Accordingly, your professor will certainly sport his personal beliefs that have developed in the long period of his existence.

Often students are presented with a professor’s doctrine as if it is God’s truth that only he holds and promulgates. There you are sitting petrified to your chair as the self-proclaimed prophet bloviates bias that has even the TAs squirming. As he goes on, telling you how the government killed everyone from John Lennon to Tupac to Michael Jackson, the absurdity gets to the point where you are stifling a laugh as opposed to a childish squeal of fear. You look over to those who are concerned with feverishly documenting every word uttered as if they are the scribes to his Hubbardian religion. Their faces have gone white, unable to decide if this will be on the final and whether being baptized in this religion will secure them an “A” in the class. Being relatively sane, you must consider how to respond to these soapbox shenanigans. No one else seems capable of pulling themselves away from watching the train wreck that has turned into the professor explaining how Castro is the greatest leader of the twentieth century, so you have to take one for the team.

What is the best starting point? Begin laughing, hysterically. With any luck, those interested in alleviating their fear will join you to change the mood in the lecture hall. That lecture hall is also your greatest weapon. Some old fart has no clue who the hell you are and, as you are sitting in the middle of a class full of people who all generally look the same (UVa demographics for the win), he can’t differentiate you from the person sitting next to you.

Furthermore, it is highly unlikely that said professor has the optical fortitude to see anything other than his large print notes at this point in his life.

In the event that he does pick you out as the class jester holding court in his lecture, have no fear. All you have to do is begin a story with, “well, when I was in my coma after the petting zoo accident, I had a vision of the future…” This should throw off for your fear-fueled scent like Axe the pimply horn-dog at a middle school dance.

What’s he supposed to do? Press you on the specifics of the accident? Victim of a rabid goat head-butting. Ask about the specifics of your vision? A world where men knitted women sweaters out of their own hair and children rode dragons that tended to self-sufficient farms. No, he will most certainly lose interest, and, in classic octogenarian form, he will have lost his train of thought.

Huzzah! You have saved your entire class from his oral manifesto. Sure, you may have mildly embarrassed yourself, but the admiration you have gained from your classroom that was scared shitless is immeasurable. All you have to worry about now is the weird TA that got a hard-on from your spiel. He knows your name, and what your hair smells like.

8.) Nazi Germany (GETR 3390): You’ve only been taught what’s happened in the Holocaust every year of your life since fifth grade. Hitler’s pathologies are interesting enough to give a semester’s merest attention to, and it simultaneously fulfills a second writing AND historical studies requirement. In addition, next semester, it will be in Nau so you can use your handy Plus Dollars to buy yourself Starbucks as a treat for showing up to class.

7.) Probability/Finite Mathematics (MATH 1110): What is the probability you will get an A in this class? This class is so boring, neither a TA nor a professor consistently teaches this class.

SIS does not even know who is teaching it next semester. This class is quite literally the luck of the draw as far as who teaches it. You may conclude that the guessing game is part of “Probability/Finite Mathematics.”

6.) How Things Work (PHYS 1060): Although clicker questions require you to come to class, the amount of cheating that occurs in our “honor system” society is highly accepted (ah, yes, the Significance Test). This class is typically filled with athletes, frat stars, and srat ladies who need the non-math based class to fulfill their math/science requirement. Lou’s List is created by yours truly, Lou Bloomfield, only the best professor ever, and his enthusiasm is infectious.

5.) Intro to Information Technology (CS 1010): This class teaches you what is ethical on the Internet, teaches you how to use basic computer applications, and how to use search tools. So, basically, it teaches you everything you already know, but you get a grade for it.

4.) Materials that Shape Civilizations (EVSC 2010): Don’t let the 2000 level number dissuade you from taking this class. Think about the title for a second… Materials that shape civilizations… If you cannot pass this class, you should have never received admittance to the university. The only drawback is that it’s an “MWF,” but with its first section being at 1 p.m., it should not be too hard to roll out of bed hung over from Thirsty Thursdays.

3.) Intro to Music (MUSI 1010): The hardest things about this class will be the power to stay awake and the discussion section that is required by the simplest of subjects. Surprisingly, this class is offered year after year due to actual demand. The TAs exist to make your life easier, so utilizing them will also increase your chances of getting an A to boost that miserable GPA. 2.) Any politics class (PLAP/PLIR/PLPT/PLCP): Politics classes are unknowingly designed to guide you in the direction of an easy A. Going to discussions is necessary if you decide to bypass the readings. Bullshitting on the spot is highly encouraged in discussion. As long as you say something offensive/controversial (mostly offensive) to get a discussion moving along, your TA will love you. Hell, TAs will basically write your paper for you if you go to their office hour.

1.) Intro Philosophy Seminars (PHIL 1510): Many an athlete has tried to take a philosophy course at UVa and has fled to a tutor in order to try to make up for an abysmal first test grade.

Although UVa athletes struggle with philosophy classes, it does not mean that the average (or slightly below average) UVa student will not be able to handle a class in which crafting an eloquent sounding answer is a majority of the “work.” In other words, as long as you say more than “Descartes gave 110% out there,” you should be fine.

TBS STAFF wrote this

page 6

Lilly-fied

theblacksheeponline.com

Alessandra Hope wrote this

Lilly Pulitzer Rousseau, the “Queen of Prep” famously founded Lilly Pulitzer, Inc. in 1950. She accomplished what every UVa girl wants to do: she married someone who was rich and semi-famous, the grandson of Mr. Joseph Pulitzer, Herbert Pulitzer, Jr. However, Lilly outgrew her marriage and divorced Herbert in 1969 to marry Enrique Rousseau.

Though she dominates the preppy collegiate clothing landscape, she did not really shoot to prominence until her old schoolmate, the one and only Jacqueline Kennedy was photographed wearing a Lilly while on vacation. And, wow, her bonds have diversified ever since.

Why the obsession with Lilly? Girls at UVa are very much in love with Lilly Pulitzer and the status it brings. In fact, one staple of Foxfield is the Lilly dress. For those who cannot afford a Lilly dress, cheaper items have to suffice. Such cheap items include $10 Croakies, a $15 thermal mug or $15 tumbler, and $6 koozies - all in a variety of colors and patterns, of course. All of these items make girls feel wonderfully Lilly-fied Another very popular aspect of Lilly Pulitzer, Inc. is the fact that they have a line of sorority prints. Lilly’s sorority line includes printed frames, a sparkle tote, bangles, wristlets, scarves, makeup bag, iPhone cases and tumblers. Because these things are absolutely necessary for the ultimate sorority girl, she must spend a minimum of $362 to buy all of

the items that Lilly offers for each sorority. The UVa Bookstore has been suckered into stocking such items as well.

These obsessive girls are low hanging fruit, and when has the bookstore ever passed up a chance to gouge us?

At the bookstore, you can also purchase Lilly gift bags, picture frames, sticky notes, wine glasses, stickers, umbrellas, tote bags and scarves. You can’t fault them for understanding the rampant, illogical demand for random shit with prints on them. A whole stand of the products is conveniently located at the checkout line for customers (mostly ladies) to make last-minute wildly unnecessary purchases of Lilly items. Often, the seriousness of the consideration that goes into these buzzer-beating purchases elicits facial expressions and histrionics usually reserved for daytime soaps.

Though one cannot buy Lilly Pulitzer dresses at the UVa Bookstore, have no fear, there is always the Pink Palm store at Barracks by Sweet Frog! (It is as if the planners of Barracks Road knew to include those three stores within the vicinity of one another… was their business plan to fully rely on obsessive girls?) Lilly daytime dresses range from $88 to $278. Meanwhile party dresses start at $138 and go up to $378. Every girl’s ultimate goal is to acquire one, if not several of these dresses (read: buy several or be shunned).

With every season, new prints are introduced and dupli-

cated in a variety of cuts, forms and styles. It is fairly common and highly comical to see drunken girls in the same Lilly dresses. But wearing the same Lilly dress at Foxfield becomes a “bonding” experience rather than a serious fashion faux pas.

Why does Lilly trump its preppy counterparts? Even though Ms. Lilly herself was born and bred in the North, she took all of her class and incorporated it into the southern charm of Florida. As a result, you see the rise of the dominant Lilly Pulitzer Inc., which has come to infiltrate UVa’s Grounds and is currently beating all other competition… and daddy’s credit card.

From the Streets

[PartyPics]

Got a question you want us to ask?

FTS@theblacksheeponline.com

What do you think of people who vote for a third party in major elections?

“If you don’t agree with either party, I don’t see why you should bring yourself to vote for them. It sounds kind of idealistic, but voting is an expression, it shouldn’t be a matter of tactics or strategy.” - Kaitlin

“Well, I did vote for a third party... I don’t think it’s a waste of a vote - it’s still acknowledged, and still counted. Someone is still going to win, but they’re not going to have as many votes.” - Sarah

“I don’t think they’re wasting their vote, everyone is entitled to their opinion. ” - Corinna

send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

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Paper Extensions: a crash course

page 9

Spencer Schloss wrote this

As students of UVa we all like to think of ourselves as the overachievers that get their work done early, make it to every class, and hand every paper in on time, free of stains, and neatly stapled with all pages perfectly aligned. However, we all know that having one too many at Coupe’s can put even the most organized students out of commission. The downward spiral of all-nighters and missed deadlines can be overwhelming. The day you realize that you only managed to put one contact in before class and find the kid across from you “winking” back… you know it is time for action to be taken. That paper worth forty percent of your grade is due TODAY?! This leaves you with only one action to take: the intricate task of asking for a paper extension.

Now, there are a few ways one can go about this. Many students fear the awkward face-to-face talks with professors, but oftentimes this is the best way to secure your extension. Talking to your professor in person offers many advantages. Because your professor can physically see you, you can make sure to look as pathetic as possible.

This could mean whipping out the never-fail pouty puppy dog face, and a little dark makeup under your eyes will make it look like you haven’t slept in weeks. If you think he isn’t going to crack, then it’s time to unleash the big guns—tears. Bawling in front of your professor will make her extremely uncomfortable and she will succumb to your weepy plea with the much sought-after paper extension.

Sadly, not all of us are Academy Award-winning actors, and maybe that Arch’s froyo (by froyo we mean a cup solely filled with gooey brownie) starts to kick in, and you truly cannot remove yourself from your bed to talk to your professor. If this is the case, my fellow students, then email is surely the right choice for you. This way, even if you aren’t sick, you can bullshit some elaborate excuse for why you simply cannot finish the paper by the deadline, while avoiding that awkward elbow jerk that always reveals you’re lying. Excuses may vary from a bad break up (professors never want to deal with that), tragedy, surgery, or even the Black Death. Hey, it’s still around!

It’s wise to avoid excuses involving technical issues because these are generally overused, and “computer crashes” have become the new norm for “I’m lazy.” Furthermore, your professor is so old even his children don’t know what a Facebook is.

There is an art form to constructing an email asking for an extension. Students often underestimate the importance of the subject line. This one short phrase can lead to your success or demise in regards to capturing your paper postponement. Honesty is the key; you should be up front and just come out and label the email “paper extension.”

Vaguely titling the subject “question” or leaving it blank could lead to your professor not opening the email, your assumption that he extended your paper (but he didn’t), and your ultimate attainment of an F.

Make sure you use the appropriate salutation. Yes, we take our professors out to lunch at UVa and may chat them up when we see them around Grounds, or even high-five them (Dean Groves), but that does not mean you should address your email with “Hey dude,” or “Mike, my man!”

Your professor went through school to earn a degree to become a professor, and you should address them with that title. You never know, the reciprocity principle could apply, and if you show them respect maybe they will respect your scenario and allow you that extra week to write your paper.

Finally, make sure to flood the email with sincere apologies and thank your professor for taking the time out of his day to read your pathetic plea for an extension. Hopefully, you succeed with flying colors. If not, then you have about two hours to finish that paper worth almost half your grade…get going!

ou y n a c y O sa ? e i v o m see this

In honor of Veteran’s Day, and just because we generally love America more than any other publication on the planet, we went ahead and reviewed four upcoming movies that will bring out the patriot in you. If you don’t leave the theater chanting “USA!” after these movies, then you can see yourself to Canada, friend-o. By: Brendan and Quinn

Lincoln: Nov. 16

Django Unchained: Dec. 25

Daniel Day-Lewis isn’t a stranger to taking on powerful American motifs (There Will Be Blood, Gangs of New York, The Crucible, etc.), so expect nothing short of greatness as he takes on Honest Abe in the twilight of his presidency.

Steven Spielberg focuses the film on Lincoln’s struggles to unite the country and permanently end slavery with the Thirteenth Amendment.

Where Lincoln focuses on some boring white bureaucrats looking to reunite a divided America through the guise of ending slavery, Django Unchained promises no such thing. Quentin Tarantino’s latest is a western that sees a recentlyfreed slave and his bounty hunter buddy searching for Django’s enslaved wife, Broomhilda.

Since the film focuses on latter-day Lincoln, DayLewis won’t be shirtlessly wrestling townboys or chopping down wood. Don’t worry, you’ll still get a nice American pride-boner in watching a vehement president willing his country forward despite a drastically (and literally) dichotomous nation. Such is a boner we just don’t get very often these days.

This movie is nothing less than a blood-spattered Declaration of Independence. Life? Well, by default everyone in this movie is alive (for part of it). Liberty? It’s a film featuring a freed slave hunting down his wife so she too can ascend beyond the shackles of bondage. The pursuit of happiness? Uh, getting laid and killing slave owners should make most anyone grin ear-to-ear.

But, much like Pursuit of Happyness provided a peppering of “the American Dream is still real” for down-and-out viewers, and Jurassic Park gave hope to disenfranchised dinosaur enthusiasts - Lincoln will hopefully inebriate the American people into hoping a divided nation can move forward as a union and that legislators would realize a house divided against itself really won’t stand. We’ll also inevitably yearn for a time when we could have a president whose debatable religious affiliation and beard wouldn’t instantly draw months of media coverage and “terrorist” accusations.

Beyond that, the trademark Tarantino stylization mimics the way we choose to view those early American documents we hold so sacred. A black slave named Broomhilda Von Shaft? Only possible in a Tarantino flick, much the same way we conveniently look past the inherent racism in those early documents. Freedom of speech (for white people). Freedom to elect leaders (for white people).

Freedom to bear arms (for white people). Freedom to enjoy Django Unchained outside of historical context (for everyone).

Our Favorite Trailer-Quote: Here stepped out upon the world’s stage now with the fate of human dignity upon our hands. Blood’s been spilled to afford us this moment.

Our Favorite Trailer Quote: Kill white people and they pay you for it? What’s not to like?

Red Dawn: Nov. 21

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2: Nov. 16

This fall we’ll be treated to the rehashing of a 1984 movie that frames the Cold War versus the Soviets in a way that romanticizes revolt in the face of Communist conquest. This 2012 flick paints the evil-but-inept North Koreans as invaders of Washington, the state.

Oh America, land of the paranoid and home of the almighty dollar. Since the days of Alexander Hamilton the United States has always been concerned with her positioning on the world’s stage. This movie calls out to these fears because really, North Korea, a country swept by famine and sporting a paper tiger military is going to somehow launch a secret invasion on American that we couldn’t repel in like…10 minutes. Unless…

If you’re thinking, “Wait, the last three movies were like, super American, and this isn’t American at all,” it’s because you’re a typical American, looking to be spoon-fed easily-digestible content.

And that’s what makes the final installment of Twilight American. It spoon-feeds easily digestible content to the greatest demographic on the planet: teenage girls. None but the entertainment powerhouse that is America could churn out four vampire-themed romance novels at a fourth grade reading level, then turn those four shitty books into five shitty movies that make upwards of $700,000,000 each. EACH!

Unless, of course, the movie was shot with China as the bad guys, and last-minute changes were made because money is more important than artistic integrity. Uh huh, in post-production the bad dudes were changed to North Koreans even though, again, an attack by them would result in the swift and total annihilation of anything sporting a PRK logo. Do you smell that? It’s not napalm, it’s money.

Nothing is more American than profiting off of young girls’ emotions, cramming it down the rest of the world’s throat, and distracting us from harsh, difficult realities with an easy to argue Team Jacob vs. Team Edward debate. As you leave the theater, nothing should make you more proud than knowing that that theatric abortion is one of the stabilizing forces in the failing global economy.

USA! USA! USA!

Our Favorite Trailer Quote: We inherited our freedom, now it’s up to all of us to fight for it.

Our Favorite Trailer-Quote: So beautiful... we are the same temperature now.

the interview

awolnation

We caught up with Aaron Bruno, the founder and front man of the electric rock band AWOLNATION. Their latest album Megalithic Symphony was released in March 2011 and is available on iTunes. He was nice. By Michael McSherry The Black Sheep: So let’s hear a little bit about how the tour is going so far. What are some of the best and worst things about it?

Aaron: The best part is getting to travel around the country – we’re selling out almost all of our shows, and it’s a huge accomplishment to be the band that gets to headline. The hard work paid off. We had to build it from scratch, and we were so different from anything else when we started. It’s a wonderful thing. It’s very flattering and humbling to see the fruit of your labor. And the worst part about this tour, well, it’s not easy to maneuver around like I used to be able to. I can’t just walk out into the crowd and watch the other bands that I’ve become friends with. I can’t just wander around the vicinity of the venue.

TBS: Well, AWOLNATION has been very well received in a relatively short amount of time since its founding a few years back. Megalithic Symphony has gone platinum in the United States and double platinum in Canada. Millions of people are hearing you on their TVs and online. With all this going on, where do you see AWOL going from here? Any big plans on the horizon?

Aaron: I try not to see too far. I try to think of what’s the next goal, what’s the next thing I have control of. It seems like the ball is rolling; it’s a machine that’s got a lot of life left in itself (laughs). So I try to focus on the new songs I’m writing, getting excited about the new stuff and pushing myself and the listeners into new and uncharted waters. Hopefully the listener and I can grow together.

TBS: AWOLNATION is your brainchild. Let’s hear about how you got the whole project started.

Aaron: I never really “started” the band; it was already happening, if that makes sense.

I’ve always been writing these songs, and with my previous bands it was always collaboration, so I figured if we ever wanted to do something solo I’d have some songs to put into it. When my last band broke up, I had all of these songs I’d written so I figured great, I’ll record them. For me, writing is something that I can’t stop doing, and if you’re really passionate about something, it never really goes away. When it came together, I called it AWOLNATION, something I had in my back pocket for a while.

TBS: What’s the strangest thing that’s happened so far on this tour?

Aaron: Countless things, but the thing that really stuck with me was at our first show on the concert. We were in Philadelphia and it was a free outdoor concert, so about seven thousand people showed up. It poured rain, right after Imagine Dragons played, so you know, perfect timing of course (laughs). So it got delayed maybe forty-five minutes while it was raining, and we figured everybody would just pack up and go home.

We were going to play no matter what, even if only two people stuck around, because that’s what you do. But when we got out there, it seemed like nobody had even left.

People were soaked, crowd-surfing, and it was beautiful. Then, out of nowhere, a bride and groom just showed up on stage. They must have walked right out of their reception to grab a cigarette or something, but they were up there on stage with us.

So we’re playing this sort of dirty, grimy, epic show, and then you see a bride in all white. And it was just so absurd to see, and I’m still not sure what to think about it.

TBS: Last question… Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and Nicki Minaj. One joins your group, one covers your songs, and one loses their voice. You choose.

Aaron: Did you just say Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and Nicki Minaj? (Pauses) This is difficult, so thank you for that . I’m not particularly fond of any of them… I guess I would say I’d want Nicki Minaj to join the band. Miley Cyrus has got to lose her voice. Justin Bieber can cover us—he would reach the most ears at least. I’m going to have to ask everybody else what they think.

the big three

entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.

Lincoln in theaters november 9

Abraham Lincoln is all the rage these days (hunting vampires and what not), but this film is a bit different than that. Directed by Steven Spielberg, Daniel Day-Lewis stars as the 16th U.S. president as the film focuses on his crazy final months in office. Also starring Tommy Lee Jones and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, this movie validates anyone who has two last names.

breaking amish Sunday, November 11 at 9pm on TLC

This riveting show follows Amish teens battling with the decision to stay with their Amish culture and family, or to bust on out to get drunk in New York City. In the season finale, secrets are revealed, tempers flare, and Abe and Rebecca realize planning a wedding is hella hard. Not as hard as milking a cow and not using electricity, but still pretty damn hard.

Crystal castles - iii Out November 13

If you think Crystal Castles is so 2010, think again. Alice Glass and Co. are back with their third album, addressing the theme of oppression, which includes album art of an award-winning photo of a mother and son who were teargassed in Yemen last October.

If that doesn't scream party, then meta electronic beats, diverse sounds and Glass screaming her face off should.

page 12

theblacksheeponline.com

bartender of the week Bobby C. Michael’s Bistro Do you have a drink that you feel showcases your skills: I’d say I make a pretty good dirty martini (with olive juice).

What was the first cocktail you ever made: Probably a really really crappy screwdriver...sloe gin and vodka.

Do you have any favorite bitters, flavors or syrups that you like to use: Well, I’m more of a beer and hard liquor kind of guy - but most people seem to like grenadine and such in their drinks.

Most unusual thing you’ve drunk: I don’t remember exactly… something with mayonnaise and Tabasco in it, I think - it was back in the day when your friends made you take really disgusting shots!

What would you order at Michael’s if you were a customer here: Probably a tap beer - we always have a rotating tap list, I’d probably get an IPA. Egg rolls for appetizer - we always have a special egg roll of the day and such; I’d have the steak special, or something with fish for the entree.

the drinking game

wizard duels Sometimes drinking can give you the illusion that you have magical powers.

However, what’s the point of having magic powers if you don’t get to carry around a big-ass wizard staff?

What You’ll Need: Beer and tape.

Number of Players: At least two.

Level of Intoxication: If you’re going for “Gandalf the White” status, then you’ll get pretty smashed.

How to Play: - Find a partner or group of people and get a case of beer to share.

- Put on some rap music and begin drinking the beer.

- Once you finish two beers, tape them together at the ends.

- Attach each subsequent empty beer to the end of your new wizard staff.

- After every five beers you “battle the Balrog,” which means you take a shot.

- Once you run out of beer, or are not brave enough to continue drinking, pick a partner and duel with them using your staff. We know wizards do not typically have sword fights with their staffs, but it must happen sometimes, right?

The Game Ends When: Once the duel has a decisive victor, the winner is awarded another beer. The loser also gets a beer for a consolation prize.

With The Hobbit about to hit theaters in just above a month’s time, it would be a good idea to practice your wizard staffing now. It is also just a good skill to have. You never know when a dragon is gonna threaten your fellowship.

download our app for all of our drinking games!

Recipe for Disaster

pizza ramen Ramen and pizza are quite literally the only things that our editor ever eats. This is not uncommon for a college student, however. Ramen is really the only thing you need; pizza is just for special occasions, like NBA games and drunk splurging.

What You’ll Need: Prego pasta sauce, sausage, mozzarella, pizza crust, pepperoni, and Ramen noodles.

Cook Time: 30 minutes.

Fatty Factor: More sodium than you can possibly fathom.

Let’s Get Baked: - Boil up some water and toss in the Ramen to cook.

- Either grill the sausages or cook them in a pan on a stove top.

- Heat up the Prego on the stove. Place cooked Ramen and sausage into the sauce and mix.

- Spread the mixture onto the pizza crust (which is even better if you warm it in the microwave first) and top with mozzarella and pepperoni.

- Go be poor some more.

If this recipe was any more “college” it would have beer and cigarettes in it. The great thing about ramen is that it goes with almost anything. Don’t be afraid to get crafty and throw some weed in it or something. The world is your oyster.

Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com

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keeping your distance from coffEe culture

page 13

Pierce Bishop wrote this

Okay big shot, we understand. You found the beauty in coffee, which you are more than happy to down by the gallon. While this love affair is not unique to you, many deal with it in different ways. Some just chug it.

They are simply concerned with staying awake as long as possible without dropping food money on some Addy.

Certainly respectable. Others use coffee as a foray into mature social interaction. For some, this “morning beer” is a perfect way to cheaply do something nice for that coed you have an eye on. Yet, there is a bigger concern arising from your finding out about coffee: you are making it into a culture.

You know the type, they have quickly gone from freshfaced, back pack carrying Joe Whatshisname to that bearded dude with wool socks and some Kerouac hanging out of his leather satchel. His musical tastes have shifted from standard pop hits and an understandable fascination with house music to some mandolin-accompanied band so underground he tells you that you can only know their name if you go to a show. How does this happen?

He used to play basketball with your buddies, but now he’s learning to whittle. Well, this over-eager youth failed to balance the way he approached his coffee intake.

Hopefully, the disease did not take him beyond the Corner (note: I will not discuss purveyors such as Mudhouse

and Shenandoah Joe’s for fear that the epidemic will engulf the entire campus. No one wants an influx of hipsters at UVa.) which means this fellow likely spent too much time at Para. It is easy to commiserate. The nice seating, the vibe from their Pandora station, the snazzy patterns in the lattes…it’s easy to be transfixed. Yet, this habitual worship can lead to trouble. Instead, you must make an effort to take in a cup from the Corner’s other shellers of the arabica bean’s godly byproduct.

These are establishments like Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts, both different from Para and certainly not places that perpetuate looking like a mountain man. Of course, they both have their drawbacks as well. Take Starbucks with its iconic faux atmosphere. Sure, you can get a good cup and some frightfully sweet espresso beverages but soon you will fall into the commercialism of it. Maybe it’s an additive they put in their drinks, but people often end up carrying around mugs with Starbucks emblazoned everywhere. Also, there’s something to be said about a guy that knows far too much about what you can get in a frappuccino. Dunkin is, in many respects, the opposite. Atmosphere in there is, at best, awkward R&B playing while you sit on an odd smelling orange couch. To make matters worse, the staff there is more likely to know where to buy meth than how to make a cappuccino.

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Barracks Road Center (between CVS & Kroger)

Even with all that, it is good to switch it up. Sometimes you just need to grab coffee, which is the perfect time to go to Dunkin’. Other times, you need to meet with people in a way that is not overwhelming, so Starbucks is the way to go. Yes, Para is fun and flannel is cozy, but coffee is not an established religion, contrary to what many of our heavily bearded friends believe. So, go get a frap from an Orwellian Starbucks or a large iced beverage from Dunkin’. Your friends will thank you as you start to bathe more often.

the riddle

Can you figure out this riddle? Do you know the answer to said riddle? Wow, really!? Well, send your answer to riddle@theblacksheeponline.com and if you’re right, you’ll win something sweet!

the classtime

madlib: presidential speech

cept, huh? So if you had one too many ___11___’s at ___12___ and ended up grinding with ___13___ to ___14___ all night long, and he swooned you with ___15___ and then you ended up on their ___16___ and… you know… well, you can get that taken care of now.

Because it’s your body that little mon• First things first, ___2___ will become ster will be brewin’ in, so it only makes legalized. Not just medicinally but, you sense. know, for ___3___ shows and marathons of ___4____. And those nasty • The troops will be coming home in time for Thanksgiving! So get excited for hangovers, my God. maxing out on ___17___ and ___18___ • Universal healthcare? Why not! If football and ___19___, because this is you broke your ___5___ while partak- America! Additionally, for the holiday’s ing in ___6___ fun with your favorite all who have served in the past two debooty call, fear no more! There’s no cades will receive complimentary botlonger reason to worry about ___7___ tles of ___20___, ample ___21___ and or knocking up your ___8___ anymore, ___22___ strippers, because, again, this because condoms and birth control will is America!!! be free for all! Especially for ___9____ My fellow Americans, I hope that you and ___10___, for obvious reasons. are satisfied with your choice of presi• Because it’s 2012 and not 1812, wom- dent. The next four years are going to en will have equal rights! Novel con- be bomb as hell, I swear.

Good evening, my fellow Americans.

This is your new president speaking, and I know that my election win comes as a shock to most of you. Rest assure that even though I only have the brains of a ___1___- cast member, this country is going to get hella better. Here is why:

Meet The Staff

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campus manager Jakob Scheidt

promotions manager Ruoxi Cao

Editorial manager Pierce Bishop

campus director Brendan Bonham

copy editor It could be you! Apply Online!

Advertising Manager AJ Nair Writers Spencer Schloss, Ana Saragoza Robert Mongi photographer John Soong distribution manager Peter Finocchio Social media manager Monica Mohapatra

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owner Atish Doshi Founders Atish Doshi, Brendan Bonham, Heather Jo Erickson, Jimmy DeBlasio, Jessica Sommers, Quinn Myers, Evan Stone, Jakob Scheidt, AJ Nair Questions? info@theblacksheeponline.com Advertising? ads@theblacksheeponline.com

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Disclaimer

The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.

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the classtime

Mansion. Apartment. Shack. House.

Husband: • Dr. Dre • Dr. Phil • Dr. Drew • Dr. Kevorkian

wedding song: • “I Want Your Sex” • “Red Solo Cup (Party Mix!)” • “I Love College” • “Who Let The Dogs Out?”

mode of transportation: • Marbles • Children • 1987 Jeep Comanche • Crab Walk

wife: • Miss Cleo • Missy Eliiot • Miss Bliss • Miss Arkansas 1980

Honeymoon adventure: - Mixin’ with a Mexican drug cartel - Pickpocketing in Paris - Nudist colony in Nepal - Curling in Canada

all-time favorite tv show: • Making The Band: Season 3 • 106 & Park • Britney and Kevin: Chaotic • Family Feud w/ Richard Karn

first date: • Dine and dashed at Olive Garden • Graffitied animal hospital • Poo-dollared pedestrians • Shoplifting pet costumes

career choice: • Bitchy bra model • Horny librarian • Cautious lamp salesperson • Sprinkle-factory worker

Unfortunate Death: • Slipped on bunnies • Choked on Slim Jims • 24-hour karaoke binge • Drowning during Jell-o wrestling

How to play

Doodle some dots on the page until a friend (or your brain) tells you to stop. Starting with M.A.S.H., go around the board crossing off whatever option corresponds with your number. Go around the board until only one of each category is left. That, my friend, is your future. Enjoy it.

less PAY more PLAY

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U VA P L A C E .C O M • 4 3 4 . 2 9 5 . 5 5 3 1 • 1 0 0 W A H O O W AY