Fre e rig ...lik ht e t now he , ba feel ck ing on yo cam u h pus ave !
The Black Sheep • a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 1 1/25/12 - 2/08/12
theblacksheeponline.com
a guide to:
Rebel Tours Ryanne Flanders wrote this
Attention, passengers! Please keep all body parts inside of the vehicle at all times! Leave your phones, cameras, and all other noise-makers behind. The students you are about to observe are unstable and have only one thing on their minds: returning to school. We’ve observed the students of Ole Miss in their native habitats of suburbs and boring towns alike. They have screamed at their moms, cried over the depressing nature of it all, and gained weight from stuffing their faces with holiday delights. Now, it’s time to observe the migration back to Oxford. It’s important to be careful when observing such emotionally fragile groups. They have been brought to the brink of insanity by lack of freedom, alcohol, and social interaction and can snap at any time. The first group you will observe is, perhaps, the most dangerous and on-edge of them all. Please remember to be safe and make no sudden movements! It is best to observe quietly and from afar. You never know when their kind will attack. Observe as the sorority girls and frat daddies speed down the highway in their sleek SUVs trying to get back to the rest of their pack. After weeks at home with insufferable relatives questioning their career paths, fraternity and sorority members alike are pulling their perfectly-coiffed hair out. The lack of flowing beer, house parties, and trendy bars are far too much for them to handle. After incessant nagging from mothers hoping to marry them off, they’re rushing back to Ole Miss where their friends will be anxiously awaiting with boxed wine and cases of beer. If you turn to your left, you will see the small towners. Small towners have been brought to the edge of insanity by the mundane nature of their homes. These students have gone to Great Aunt Linda’s daughter Sarah’s baby shower for her seventh “sweet baby girl,” watched Grandpa Joe fall asleep while telling the same story about Vietnam for the tenth time, and heard Cousin Jolene complain about her no-good husband Big Steve. These jaded students are more of a danger to themselves than other groups. However, when provoked by the same people at the same places asking the same questions (all of their hometown) they can attack. There’s nothing to do, nowhere to eat, and no bars for them to go to drink. The townies are accustomed to Oxford’s nightlife, restaurants and social scene. The next group we’ll be seeing is almost exclusively harmful to only themselves. The sheltered kids can’t wait to be back so they can be wild again. They have been tearing through the state as fast as their sensible mid-size automobiles will go in order to get back to Oxford. It’s quite possible that they will ravish the first watering hole they
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encounter upon their arrival. These unsuspecting students were thrust into the wildlife after leaving stuffy homes. Having to wear conservative clothes, make curfew, avoid bad language, and refrain from parties may drive them to the point of combustion. The next type won’t be found in herds like the other groups of students. You’ll be able to notice them right away. They fraternize with other groups, but they stand out. They’re the big shots, and they’re commonly found slowly cruising through the most populated roads in the flashiest of automobiles. These students, usually athletes, strut around in a pompous fashion. Big shots are used to love and attention of their adoring fans. At home they are just regular, and they long for the touch of one of three girlfriends who certainly wouldn’t love them if they couldn’t catch a ball. You really can’t blame them for wanting to be where their admirers are. The last group we’ll be observing like to roam freely. Free spirits thrive away from home. They’ve longed for independence and don’t like to compromise it by being home for the holidays. There aren’t enough books and DIY crafts to make the time at home more tolerable. These students are used to paying their bills, making their own decisions, and thriving alone. Being home is stifling and could result in an explosion. Most of the students have now returned to Oxford, and that concludes our tour. If you will, please step from the vehicle one at a time as to preserve order. You will be able to pick up all personal items left behind. We thoroughly hope you’ve enjoyed your time with Rebel Tours.
What Your Professor's Syllabus Really Means Going Facebook Official
I'm a Liberal Professor
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an internal debate between a man's real brain and his "real" brain.
i'm cool man, you can trust me. and my moustache.
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